Original subtitles

Oh, Cora, this fruit is delicious.

Ew!

There's cheese in my pudding.

Those are grits. London.

Hey, good morning, y 'all.

Good morning, Mr. Brown. Hey, good morning, Cora.

I said good morning, Cora.

Ooh, she got attitude.

What's wrong with Cora?

She's sad. You know, maybe you should ask her to rustle you up some breakfast.

Barbara, you still mad because Russell ran off?

He still hasn't called. And it's all your fault, Mr. Brown, because you

him off. Yes, Mr. Brown. Well, if he was that interested, he wouldn't have gave

up so fast.

Did Yarbrough give up on people?

Did Ashford give up on Simpson?

Did Bobby give up on Whitney?

Yes.

That ain't the point. What I'm trying to say is...

Do she do that every time the phone rings?

Mr. Brown!

It's got to be the little theater about my audition.

Please, Mr. Brown, get the phone.

Pretend to be my agent.

Your agent?

Hello?

Yes, this is Mrs. LaRue's agent.

Are you in good hands?

Not that kind of agent.

Theatrical agent.

Okay, I'm a... African agent?

Theatrical. I'll be African.

Hello?

What up, boy?

What's the meaning of this?

What's the meaning?

My audition time.

Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, I'm the representative, Mr. Rue.

No, she can't come to the phone. She's standing here being disposable.

Hold on. He said what time?

Five o 'clock. Is that fine?

She said five o 'clock. Is that fine?

Yeah, he said that's fine. Thank you. Thank you. She said thank you.

Finish up. Finish up.

Hang up, Mr. Paul.

Finally.

I return to the theater.

I must prepare for my audition.

Mr.

Brown, you have to understand.

I need companionship. I want romance and I need love.

Well, I need some edge.

this nursing home food?

Oh, you want some eggs?

I'm grateful. That's what I'm talking about. I'm grateful, Keith. It's just

always fun. You want eggs?

They eggs.

Over easy.

Maybe I should have been more pacific.

Oh, this man, yo, he too tall.

No, Cora probably wouldn't like him.

Oh, no, he don't go to church.

What are you up to?

Oh, I'm trying to find Cora a man in the personal ads.

Don't tell her, because I want it to be a surprise for her. I'm going to

surprise her.

By finding a man in the personal ads? Yeah.

Oh, look, this is a good one right here. Look, they say he's good with children,

well -behaved, and, ooh, he's from Europe. This one is from Europe. Europe?

Yeah, yeah, he's a Pomeranian.

Mr. Brown.

Huh? Oh, and he's fixed. That's good, because you need to be fixed, because

Carver don't need no broke man.

You are setting Cora up with a dog?

How do you know he a dog?

Now, I know some good Pomeranian men. You ever dated a Pomeranian man? They

care of their women.

Pomeranian is by Iranian, Pakistani, Pakistanian, and other... Pomeranian is

a... Don't. You're just a bitter woman. I got a cousin that's half Pomeranian,

and they could be... Nobody finds a man in the personal dream except into the

21st century.

You know, I got a website that'll make your toes curl.

Come on, ass. Let's get in here.

You know what? You stop that cussing in here. I'm... I

can't see. I'm gonna put it right there.

Okay, how many more of these questions we got to answer? Oh, just a few more,

Brown. Come on. Okay, what else, what else? Okay, now, on a scale of one to

how happy are you with the way you look?

Oh, I'm very happy with myself.

Oh, it's my clothes. When I put this on, I just, look.

I love you, Cora.

Oh, Cora. Oh, Cora.

Oh, get Cora three. She needs work.

What else you got on there? All right, all right. Wait a minute. Let's see.

Again, on a scale of one to ten... Now, which one is higher, one or ten? Because

you look... Go ahead.

Again, on a scale of one to ten, how important is sex

in your relationship?

Zero.

Zero.

She is not enough.

Well, if Baptist had none, she would be a nun.

And ain't nobody getting none.

I repeat, she is not a nun.

Well, give her one.

Two. Five. Three, and that's my final offer.

This done made me tired. Mister, why don't I finish this and send this off to

you? You go on and get some rest.

Oh, yes, good. Make sure you find her a good one.

Yeah, well, she gonna be surprised.

Oh, she gonna be surprised, all right. You know, if Cora and that Pomeranian

have babies, he gonna have some good hair.

Yeah, I like that color on him.

Let's see.

Let's go back a bit.

How important... Hey.

Buckle your seatbelt, Cora. You about to...

Come on, it's just a chair.

Why is my furniture pushed back like this? Because I'm rehearsing for my

audition, and the room has to replicate the rehearsal studio.

Well, you better replicate my furniture back when you get through.

Oh, never fear, Mr. Brown. We will repertate the living room.

Now, Casey, you will sit right over here, please.

You will be the director at my audition.

Is this going to take very long? No, it won't take...

And now, London, you'll be my scene partner. I don't want to be a scene

Oh, that's such a shame. And the dress that you would wear, it's so pretty.

I want to be a scene partner.

Now, I will set the scene.

This is called setting the scene. Look, ladies, I don't have all day.

Jesus.

You're giving me goosebumps.

That's excellent.

Now, I will be auditioning for the role of Francine, the clever housekeeper.

And you, London.

you will be playing Chastity and Vincent, the spoiled rich girl and her

chauffeur. Oh, okay. I did something like this for the Internet one time, but

was with a pool boy.

Wait a second.

That was you?

Yeah.

London, focus.

Now, as the scene begins, I discover them kissing on the couch.

Begin, London. Oh, okay.

Your kisses are setting me on fire.

Oh, Chastity, let our kisses burn this mansion down.

Someone's at the door.

Why, get at them.

Mr. Brown broke my concentration.

Take it back one, please.

Okay, okay. Ooh, Chastity, let our kisses burn this mansion down.

Someone's at the door.

apart, huh?

In my day, it was called a cameo.

I was prepared by myself.

Hey, should we go burn this mansion down?

You know I only sleep with real directors.

Oh, the rodeo. I bet you I could ride one of them.

I bet you that hurt.

I'll ride one of them.

Go!

Where's Chloe?

Oh, she upstairs getting ready for a book clean. Oh, no, no, she can't do

He's on his way.

Who on their way? A match.

The date. The computer dating sex.

Oh, he here already?

Oh, I could have rushed on that date.

Well, I'm about to get going. Oh, no, no. You can't go. We're going.

Oh, yeah, yeah. We're going.

Where are we going?

I'm going to meet London at the mall, and you're going to take a suit to Bible

study, so someone has got to be here to accept the package.

The package?

Oh, the package.

Yeah, yeah.

We're doing Bible study, and, uh...

The Bible study is Noah and the three bands.

It's a really special delivery. It's for you.

Wait, but I... Bye.

Bye, Carla.

Hello, what'd you have for me?

If you're Cora Simmons, I got a whole lot for you.

So, uh... So, what's up?

Okay, so, where's the package?

I beg your pardon?

Well, look, I don't have all night.

The package?

I'm waiting for a package.

Well, I guess that is what I'm here for, right? Yes, that's what you're here

for.

Let's see it.

You sure you're ready?

Well, I have to do a favor for someone, and I don't have a whole lot of time, so

let's just get this over with then, okay?

Okay, I love a woman who knows what she wants.

Okay, well, come on. Come on, give it to me. I love the way you just said it.

Wait a minute.

Get your hands off of me. What is wrong with you? Hey, get your hands off of my

daughter, you.

Bossa Nova?

Yes, sir.

Oh, what kind of dating service is this that'll let animals like you prey on

sweet virginal girls like... You're a virgin right there.

Virginal girls like my sweet Cobra. Yeah. Hey, look, I'm sorry, sir.

I didn't know.

Wait a minute. Hold on. Did you say dating service?

Cobra, keep focused on him. I'm focused.

I didn't say dating service.

He said dating. You're from a dating service.

Who sent you?

Mr. Brown.

A dating service?

Carl, I was trying to make it up to you since Russell ran off on you. So this is

how you make it up to me by hiring this gigolo to come and attack me?

Boy, you gigolo, I thought you was black.

I thought he was a delivery man.

I can't believe you did this to me. Yes, you have. Remember when my dear beat up

you in the teacher?

This is crazy. I'm getting out of here. Oh, no, no, no, no.

Let's just go upstairs and let me pay for that delivery.

You look like you deliver Avon anyway.

Don't be mad.

Leave me alone.

Mr. Brown. Huh? We're getting a little concerned.

Yeah, Miss Daisy should have been back a long time ago from her audition, and

I'm getting worried.

I don't know why Miss Daisy still thinks she can act. That woman couldn't get

arrested.

Thank you, officer.

I'll be fine now.

Well, I guess I was wrong about that one.

Tough audition, huh?

I never made it to the audition. I was mugged outside the theater.

Stacey, are you all right?

I'm fine. I didn't have any cash on me.

Except as well, I should have known better. It's more than 25 years since

had a serious acting trauma.

It's time I just took a long, hard look at myself in the mirror and faced the

fact that I used to be an actress, but now I'm just old.

25 years part, it must be like 50.

Uh, uh, uh, London, you, you pretty, but you about as dumb as a bag of nickels.

It's gotta be worth something.

Oh, I don't know why I let you stay. Tell your dad I'm giving him his money

back. You got to go.

I can't put up with this.

The claw.

I'm going to put you on my shoulders.

Mr.

Brown, what was you thinking?

I can't believe you did that to me.

Well, Clara, I don't know. I was just trying to make it up to you for running

Russell off.

You know I can't stand it when you mad at me.

Well, if you really love me, you want what's best for me.

I do want what's best for you. That's why I'm trying to get you hooked up.

that'll truly love me back.

I thought Russell was that someone.

Cora, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Cora.

That's how my throat do if I'm really sorry.

Mr. Brown, I love you. And I always love you. But you have to understand, I'm a

grown woman now.

I know you're a grown woman.

And I'm proud of the way you done growed up.

If you cry, you're going to make me cry.

I'm not crying.

Okay, Kurt, smile for me. Smile for your diddy, your diddy.

I'm your little girl. I'll always be your little girl. But, Daddy, you...

You got to stay out of my love life.

Kurt, look, I'm going to hook you one more here at the church. See, that's

I mean. No, he work at the wood shop at the school.

And he cut all his fingers off. He got one, just his thumb. He played piano.

That's how he played it. Just like the chorus.

But I'm telling you, he gets off security anywhere.

There you are.

If you don't mind, I'd rather be alone.

You still have time to get to that audition, do you?

No. I'm not going. I'm never leaving this house again. The world out there is

mean and ugly. Are you afraid of being mugged or just being rejected?

Both.

Daisy, Daisy, you cannot let some scumbag mugger keep you from being who

are. It's in your blood. You're an actress. It's what you are.

It's what I was.

Now I'm just an old lady who just wants to be alone.

Oh, Daisy.

Oh, Chassie. Your kisses are getting me on fire. Oh, let our kisses burn, as you

mentioned.

Hey,

that's not on the script.

Francine, get the door.

Get the door.

It's your cue, Dave. I missed my cue. I need help.

Francine, door.

Howdy, y 'all.

Get your hands off that young lady. There ain't nobody burning nothing down

this town.

What are you doing here? Oh, I wrote myself. I wrote myself in. I'm the chef.

Oh, just stop it, everybody.

Oh, no, that's not your line. No, no, I said stop it, everybody. You're just

making yourself look ridiculous, just like I was.

I'm through.

Well, be through then.

Maybe you're washed up. Maybe you're finished like the jerry curl and the A

train. Oh, Mr. Brown, you're being so insensitive. I'm not being insensitive,

but if you want to be nothing, let her be nothing by herself.

Maybe you're through. Maybe you done lost it. Or maybe you're too old to know

where you left it.

How dare you speak to me like that? I performed for royalty. I made Orson

weep. Well, I made Kara weep. With a Pomeranian gigolo. And?

Your information.

I was nominated for my performance as Ramona in Chasing the Sunrise.

You just don't understand.

My ring was in my purse when I was mugged.

It was the ring that Stuart gave me.

Sweet, dear Stuart.

He must have used every last penny that he had to buy it.

He gave it to me just before he went overseas.

The sun was rising, and he reached into his pocket, and he brought out this

lovely ring.

It wasn't a diamond, but it was the most lovely ring I had ever seen, the most

beautiful ring.

Stuart and I never married.

He never made it back from the war.

Oh, Daisy, I'm sorry. Daisy, we're so sorry.

Oh,

it's going to be all right. We'll get you another ring. I'll buy you one.

Now.

That was acting.

What? Mr. Brown, bring the car around. Take me to the audition.

Hey, who's to take you? I'm not driving, Miss Daisy.

That was really good.

She's back.

Yuck.

Yes, sir.

What, not another one?

Don't you look for a woman at church or something and not online.

Hey, what you got behind your back? Some chocolates to sweep me off my feet?

What, with candy on your tongue?

Oh, well, I don't have to deal with this. Get out!