Original subtitles

Who puts an empty carton of orange juice back in the fridge?

You mean besides you?

I didn't do it this time.

This thing must be welded shut.

You see, that's how they make these things childproof. They weld them now.

Just let me do it. No, you don't be snatching that from me. I'm telling you,

it's stuck. You ain't going to be able to get it. It's not stuck.

You're just not strong.

No. It's not stuck to you, but to me, it's still

stuck. Just like your brain. It's stuck. Okay, you show them how to do it, baby.

You open that jar. What you standing there cheerleading for? It ain't like

shooting to win a shot to the Kentucky Derby.

I got this. Just watch.

You can do it, okay? Okay. Don't make me ashamed in front of Brown.

Come on, baby. Baby, I got this. Hey, but don't make me ashamed like on our

wedding night, okay? Come on, you got this.

Just come on. She keeps it. Come on, baby. Come on.

You're weak.

Look, just give me the jar.

What you gonna do? Yeah.

If you open it, I'm gonna give you $500 ,000.

You're gonna be like the jar whisperer. The jar will open. Almighty wind, it

will. What's he doing?

Hey, hey, hey.

According to me, he needs to stop.

Notice the hostility of the young rhinoceros.

All right, little Spielberg, hand over the camera.

I'm getting raw footage. You've got to see this.

Joaquin, you're invading your sister's privacy.

Ain't nobody got no privacy around here. This is all public.

You don't hear about it.

All right, Brianna, is this you putting that... Empty carton of O .J. back in

the fridge?

Huh?

Huh? Nothing. Either that's you or it's another little Spanish girl under the

stairs over there.

¿Qué pasó?

Lo siento mucho. Fue mi culpa.

Hey, you gonna stop that cussing in my house? I don't allow cussing in my

And you a kid. Stay in the kid's place because I don't play with kids.

I don't play with kids.

Busted.

Joaquin, baby, we'll got you that camera because you made good grades not for

you to go around spying on people.

That's right. And I'm going to take it if you don't learn how to use it with

some discretion.

Ain't no discretion. It's discretion.

Okay. Okay. Hey, guess what? Guess what? Guess who just got a job off of the

teacher in Dallas? Shut up, Cobra. You ain't finna make me the happiest man.

Cobra, really?

Really? You got it? Yes.

We gon' get rid of him in the back time.

You know, the Lord said he had never put more on us than we can bear.

Now that bear's moving to Dallas. Thank you, Lord. This is great.

We're great.

Right here in Atlanta and not in Dallas, but in Atlanta.

Okay, well, let me take a look at it, okay? No, girl. Oh!

Oh, what? Does it hurt?

No, that tickle. Go get me some of your ointment and put on it. Well, I think we

need to put some ice on it first, okay? No, Curry, I don't need no ice. I just

like to... I don't... It's too cold.

So, is your foot feeling better?

No. Well, how are you walking on it?

Curry, this is traveling. This is a traveling pain.

Look, look at the pain.

Elderly abuse.

Them people gonna come get you for abusing the elderly.

What are you thinking like this, Mr. Brown?

Okay, Corbin, look, I lied. But I lied because I love you.

Is there anything wrong with that? Mr. Brown, this job is a great opportunity

for me.

I could be teaching at a private...

carving in this house, and I'm going to be anorexic, running around here looking

like a greyhound.

Cora, the next thing you know, I'll be running around wearing wrinkled clothes.

What am I doing with wrinkled clothes?

Is that all you see me as, as your housekeeper and your cook?

No, Cora.

Somebody got to read me bedtime stories in the middle of the night when I can't

sleep.

You're a mess, Mr. Brown.

I haven't even accepted the job yet.

Look.

Look, for me to be over 20 living at home with my daddy.

It's fine with me, but you way over 20. I don't know how much you're not lying

about your age, but it's okay.

Look, I don't care what they say.

If anybody say anything to you, if anybody say Cora is a loser, I'm going

tell them, you leave Cora alone.

Because you are my little loser. You're mine.

I don't care what they say.

You're my loser.

You're impossible, Mr. Brown. How is that supposed to help me?

I'm trying... What is something I said?

What kind of a thing is she going to put these?

On her arms?

I told them to put all my socks together.

That'll do right then.

I got here as fast as I can.

What's wrong with you? You're not going to believe it. It's better than I

thought. What happened?

What, what? Did she come down with something?

Correct. Correct.

What? We got a... What?

A job offer in Dallas. Oh, a job offer.

Yes. A job offer.

In Dallas.

Is that why you called me all the way over here, you insignificant jackass?

Oh, hoof me to death, woman.

Didn't you hear me, Beastmaster? I said she got a job offer.

And what is wrong with that? That's good news.

What's wrong with you?

That ain't no good news. That's bad news. I need you to help me talk out of

please. And why should I do that?

Duh, so she won't leave.

Do they teach y 'all anything in cavewoman school? Oh, listen, I don't

second hearing. Take all of that. Okay, okay, okay.

Okay.

I'm... I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

So can you please help me talk out of it?

Why don't you tell her yourself?

I tried. She wouldn't listen.

You faked your death, didn't you?

I know.

Yeah.

I couldn't. My stomach is something. I had gas and every time I would... Oh,

brother.

It would be like this.

Well, if you ain't gonna help me talk out of it, at least...

Tell her to think about it so she just won't run off.

I'll talk to Cora. Yes!

You stop with the insults.

Oh, I got to pray about that.

Mm -mm. I got to see if you ever see my book well.

Okay. Okay, if you talk to her and convince her to stay, I won't consult

more.

Fine. Fine. Thank you. I'll do it.

I love you so much.

Thank you.

Behind your face!

Hush, Martha!

Wait. I have one last insult myself.

Okay, thank you. Go ahead. Take your shot.

I'm not going to miss this little

genius. He's going to be in the same grade when I retire.

Okay, okay.

Hey, Mr. Brand.

Clara, I just got off the phone with Edna. She sounds so hot about you

Yes, I couldn't even hardly understand her from all them crocodile tears she

crying. Well, why was Ms. Edna so upset?

Because we just gonna, I mean, she just gonna miss you when you leave, if you

leave, when you decided not to leave, Clara. And she just feels so bad in her

heart for you leaving.

Even if she don't say all of those words, that's what she means.

I wonder who that could be.

Here I come.

She here?

Edna, just calm down. She gonna be all right.

It's fine, Edna. Just move, move, move.

Some people don't know how to express they hurt.

They just know how to express anger. Don't you look hurt?

You look hurt. You look like Alf.

Stop it, Mr. Brown.

Well, I'm gonna leave.

You two along with my dear friend, Edna, who would miss you so much if you moved

to Dallas and wasn't staying here with us.

Him and her and the Colonel, right?

Okay, I'm going upstairs.

Mr. Edna, are you okay?

Fine.

Brown just told me that you had a job offer.

You thinking about taking it? I don't know yet. I haven't decided.

Well, if you do, there'll be a lot of people who'll miss you.

Will you and the Colonel come visit?

Yeah, I know.

But how does... How's Reggie taking all of it?

Oh, he's fine. He's fine.

You didn't even tell him, did you?

I'm going to tell him next year when I come visit for Christmas.

Well, it's your decision.

Right.

But you're going to be a long way from any man who likes you.

Two. Well,

Gordon told me he had feelings for me.

You talking about that big old hunky principal?

Oh, girl, shut up.

Well, I'll tell you, I was shocked when he said it, but I have to admit, it gave

me goosebumps.

Goosebumps just lifted. Come on, tell me more.

I asked you to do one thing and you messed that up. Get up and get out.

I can't convince Cora to stay if she wants to leave. What?

Okay, I'll deal with her. You know what? You can't get goosebumps because mooses

don't have goosebumps.

Get back. Get the step and you move.

Just get out of here.

Looking like old moose in a face cover.

Makes me sick.

What's that all about?

Hey, Mr.

Brooks, I got a video of Miss Cora falling off of a bicycle.

You want to see it? Okay, don't you show him that, don't you? No, that won't be

right. No, it won't be right. You just press that button right there. All

Joaquin, I thought I told you to clean your room.

But I did.

Baby, hiding everything under your bed is not cleaning your room.

Oh, man, my mama says the same thing to me.

Really? That's kind of creepy.

Don't judge me.

I'm going to get upstairs now.

How does she know these things?

Oh, there's some funny stuff on here.

Whoa!

And then the girl needs to buy some curtains.

Cor, could you help me with some bags, please?

Check out Edna and Cora.

Gordon told me he had feelings for me.

Yes, I was shocked when he first said it. But I have to admit, it gave me

goosebumps. Gordon gives you goosebumps?

Gordon gives you goosebumps, huh?

What? That's what you said.

Let me see that.

It gave me goosebumps?

That don't look too good.

Apparently, Gordon has feelings for you.

And apparently you do, too?

What? Oh, excuse me, baby. I got a child to punish.

What's he?

Goosebumps. Well, I said it, but that don't mean that you don't give me

goosebumps, too.

Too? Well, don't I feel special?

You know what? I'm going to find Gordon. I'm going to put me a couple of fist

bumps upside his head. You'll do no such thing.

Why are you protecting him? I'm not protecting him. I'm protecting you.

What? You think he can beat me?

He can't sit on the front row at my funeral. Carver, you tell my dear I love

and she can have my clothes covered. I'm dying. How you gonna feel about that?

Well, if you keep this up, I'm not gonna feel nothing.

Hey, Mr. Brandon, did you know Gordon gave her goosebumps?

What? Oh, Gordon gave you a veterinarian disease.

What? Get out.

You ain't finna talk to me like that in my own house. You ain't gonna sit at the

head of my dinner table and talk to me like that. Get out.

You ain't telling me. I ain't finna get out of nowhere. You put me out.

Get out, Mr. Brown. I got to use the bathroom. That's the only reason I'm

to go right now.

Hey, don't worry, boy. I'm going to let myself out.

And when you get yourself together, you can get back to me. Because I'm not

going to be played.

And that's the last thing I'm going to do is try to be played on my side.

Whoa.

And I'm not going to miss my...

to see this video. I just showed it to Simone and she fell out.

Is that Joaquin?

And why do you have my good tall tie around your neck?

You were pretending to be Superman?

No, I'm not.

Well, I don't know. Your arms are straight out and you look like you're

Kind of like that.

I was sleepwalking and Brianna is invading my pregnancy.

Really?

He is right, Brianna.

Oh, but you look

what have you learned, Joaquin?

To respect other people's privacy.

Thank you. That's right.

Only record willing participants.

Okay. And I'm going to hold on to this camera until I'm convinced you've really

learned your lesson.

Now you two go wash up for lunch.

Carver! Carver, don't go! Stay here with me and him!

Okay, us!

Aren't you going to get the door?

Well, I may as well get used to it since you're about to leave me here all by

myself and go to Dallas and leave me alone, rotting in by myself.

Can you get the door, please?

Wow.

Is Cora around?

Not as around as you.

Come on in.

You know what? At least with Cora gone, I won't have to keep company with baby

Huey no more.

You insult everybody.

You know what? I'll tell you what. I'm going to skip over a few people so I can

insult you again. Get out of my face, please. I don't know why I even wasted

time being nice to you, you old twisted troglodyte.

I'd be offended if I know what that meant, but since I don't, get out of my

face. As much as I love this, can you excuse us, please?

Come on, Edna. I just put some good cheese on the rat trap in the kitchen.

I'm going to see if you can sniff it out. Come on.

Well, evidently, that little thing didn't work, because there's that...

your feet!

You are so gullible.

Edna, you know I'm straight a rat. You almost gave me a heart attack.

Come on!

Looking like a rat. Come on, be straight.

So, you wanted to talk?

Look, Reggie, you're very special to me, and I don't want to fight.

Am I as special as Gordon?

I just said I didn't want to fight.

Gordon and I are old friends.

He wants to be more.

Well, I can't help that. I can't stop him.

Oh, well, I can.

What's his number?

Reggie, I like my life.

But sometimes I just feel like something is missing.

You know, when I get like that, I just hop on my mama's bus and ride all day

long.

Well, thank you, but I don't know where I want to go.

Huh? No, you know, I just feel like something needs to change.

Like what?

Like the fact that both of us live with our parents.

I have a boss that has feelings for me, and I... Look, I have this opportunity

to teach in Dallas.

Dallas?

Well, we got a good thing going on here.

We do, and it's safe.

But don't you want to take a chance?

I'll take a chance every time I come over here.

I mean like a real chance, ready? I mean like go somewhere, see some things,

meet some people.

Well, maybe.

But it's just, Cora, I'm crazy about you.

And I just don't want you to go.

That means so much to me.

It means a lot, Reggie.

Good.

Good. Then you're going to stay.

No.

I'm going to go.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I got it. What is it?

Cora would stay if she thought that you was about to die.

I already tried that, remember?

Oh, that's right. I was there for that. Okay.

See, I think of something good for this thing.

I'm going to ride this thing for this one sooner.

You know what? For some dumb, ignorant, stupid, sad reason, Cora loves you.

Now, if she thought you got hit by a car and was laying up in a comma, she

couldn't leave.

I know I'm a genius.

You know what? I like that.

Hey, hey, come on, come on. Go ahead. You grab your car and pretend to run me

over. No, no, who said something about pretend? We got to make this look real

she'll believe us.

Come on, we killed two birds with one stone. You ain't running me over, man.

crazy?

You'll be the fattest speed bump there ever was. Come on.