Original subtitles

Oh, let me get some breakfast started here.

Yep.

Oh, I wouldn't eat that.

Good morning, Mr. Brown. There you go, Carver. Oatmeal, just like you like it.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Brown.

Is this oatmeal or backer?

Uh, what's wrong with it?

Nothing, if you want to use it to fix the crack in the ceiling.

Take a spoon and stir it around and loosen it up. Well, I don't want to make

angry. Well, you should have got it when it was fresh.

When was that?

Thursday.

Morning,

folks. Oh, hey, Colonel. Where's your insignificant other?

Very funny, Brown.

Listen, I was on my way to pick up a paper and I realized I left my wallet at

home. Oh, well, you're in luck. Here, here's all your paper right there. Oh,

thanks. Here you go.

Well, this is yesterday's paper.

You can still use it to housebreak, can't you?

Well, just give me a dollar.

I don't loan friends money. It ruins friendship.

Well, you borrow money from me all the time. I borrow. I don't loan.

And you don't pay back.

I'll get you out of my face. Here, a dollar, right?

Curry, give me a dollar.

Give me a dollar.

All right, and I expect my dollar back.

Okay, Colonel. Here, Colonel. I expect a dollar fifty back.

A dollar fifty?

That's a rip -off.

That ain't no rip -off, that's interest.

Either that or you can have Edna come chase the mice from under the porch.

So wait a minute, you're trying to tell me it's a blanket with sleeves?

You sure there ain't no rope?

Okay, give me two of them.

My name?

My name is Dr.

William Brown.

No, I'm not the doctor that killed the man in the house pillow.

No, he was already dead. He woke up dead.

That was my... I mean, that was... Never mind. Can I get the blanket? Thanks.

My credit card number? Hold on, let me get it.

Okay, it's right here.

My number is 555 -5555 -54321.

Six weeks.

Okay. Thank you.

Great news, Brown!

What? They found a cure for ugliness in Edna. They gonna treat her. Thank the

Lord! No, Brown. Be serious.

They gonna treat you, then? No.

I won the lottery.

What?

$100 ,000!

Okay, win. Stop.

Win. Win.

Yesterday, I bought the ticket when I left your house. Okay, I thought you was

gonna buy paper to line Edna's cage.

No, Brown. I saw the jackpot. I took the money that you gave me. I played, and

now I'm rich!

We rich!

We rich!

Hey, why you two dancing?

What's going on? What is it?

Colonel, we hit the lottery jackpot. We rich. We rich. We rich. We rich.

Wait, wait, wait.

Why are you two dancing?

Colonel, you used the dollar that you got from me to buy the lottery ticket,

we rich.

No, no, no, no, Brown. You was confused with those clothes you're wearing.

Yes, you confused, Mr. Brown. Yeah, tell him, Cora. Yes, because that was the

dollar Colonel used. I gave it. So we...

Wait a minute.

What? Why are you... This is my money.

Lock the door.

Unplug the phone. We got a situation.

Yes, we got a situation.

Look here, Colonel.

Because you used that dollar that I gave you that Curry gave me to buy the

lottery ticket, so you're going to give me that ticket or you're going to become

a skew?

Wait, wait. Hold on, Mr. Perry. Wait, wait.

Yeah, yeah, brother.

What was I thinking? You're right. What was I thinking?

Here you go.

What is this?

It's a dollar fifty like we agreed.

This is...

Mr. Justice, I want the ticket.

Wait,

wait, wait, Mr. Brown. That's not the way you handle this.

Colonel, you know deep down within your heart that that money is as much ours as

it is yours.

You're right, Cora. You're right.

Well, I guess we'll just, we'll share. Yeah, 70 -30.

Are you alive? Who do you think we are? You think we crazy?

Ain't nobody in here crazy.

We're going to split it 30 -70.

No, 50 -50.

Straight down the middle. 50 -50?

You know what? Make my check out to Leroy S. Brown.

The S is for stacking dollars and stinking rich.

I'm just trying to get rich. I like it.

Keep your eyes on the cards.

Last chance for bets.

Where's the king?

Sure thing.

Because if you lose, you're going home bucket naked.

Here come the Huxtables. I'm going to get those draws later.

What kind of trick?

How to make their money disappear?

You know, Renee, for such an easy job, you could be a little more efficient.

Are you saying I don't do my job?

No, that's not what she's saying.

Wait. Yeah, that is what she's saying.

I'm not only good at my job, I could do Sasha's job with my eye closed.

That's how you do yours.

And all you do is tell people what to do.

I do not. Yes, you do. Take this to surgery.

You know, being a charge nurse is actually a big responsibility.

And my job isn't.

Who do you think schedules surgeries and appointments?

Who?

I don't know. But when you find out, tell them they do a great job.

So do you want to find out?

Oh, bring it.

You consider it brought, sister girl.

She is so corny.

Baby, you really think this is a good idea?

I think it's a great idea, because Sasha needs to know who really does the work

around here.

I'm talking to Sasha.

Oh, that baby.

Oh, no, no, no, no. You see, I got this, baby.

You know, I think it's time that I show Renee she does nothing compared to me.

Cool, cool, cool. Then we'll switch jobs for a day, and whoever loses has to buy

the other one dinner.

You are so on.

So on.

Bring it. Come on, baby.

No, I don't want to be the judge.

I'm just going to stay out of this. Why?

Are you afraid your wife is going to lose?

Whatever happens, it's going to end badly.

Okay. Come on, baby. Let's shake on it. Come on.

What's up? What you got?

That's fine.

You want the important job?

Thank you.

Is that the phone I hear ringing? It's ringing, baby.

station can i help you i most certainly can transfer you

this is gonna be a piece of cake girl this

is ridiculous okay

you been shopping in i needed these things i have you needed some new shoes

these old things i've been having these for months you're a liar only thing

you've been having for months are them coins on your feet what did you buy

canceling headphones right here i put these on i can't hear nothing them

don't work yes they do hey hey everyone congratulations

Thank you, Dora. I'm going to go get us something to celebrate, okay?

Edna, let me tell you. You know, I usually don't allow pets in my house.

But today, I'm going to make an exception.

You can't spell exception.

Yes, I can.

E -X to the Eption.

Exception.

What was that on your head?

Noise -canceling headphones.

When I had these on, I can't hear nothing outside of this. You can't hear?

how about... Look,

Brown, you and I need to talk.

Okay, come on, what do we got to talk about?

You got to speak up, because I can barely hear what these are.

Well, Edna and I have been talking, and we need to discuss our agreement.

What is it to discuss?

You took the dollar that you borrowed from me, you bought the winner lottery

ticket, and I won't have.

That simple.

You're simple.

If you think we're going to give you $50 ,000 for that.

Colonel, can you put a muzzle on your horse when two men are talking?

Edna's right. This agreement is not fair.

What? I can't hear you. Say what?

Corra, they don't want to give us our money. We got problems. You got to be

kidding me. Oh, Corra, you couldn't possibly expect us to give you $50 ,000

$1.

It was my dollar, and who is we?

Well, Edna's my fiancee. She gets half.

Well, I tell you what, she must go get half of your half, because our half is

our half. Right.

Well, we're offering you 10%, and that's an investor's fee.

10 % is what you give to suckers.

You can't talk to my dad like that.

Oh, come to this.

Come on, come on.

Let's go.

Obviously, they don't know a good author when they see me. I tell you, we know

when we've been gypped. Pepper, you should have gasped our eyes out. We

do that. Well, just think about it. Friendship is much more than all the...

Okay, guys, be

patient. I will be with you in a minute, okay?

Thank you.

Oh, what? Oh, nurse's station.

Yes, can I help you?

And one... Oh, is that not yours? That's not your ID.

Oh,

this is yours.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Uh, Sasha?

Well, I do not have time, okay? This is important.

You scheduled this patient for a hysterectomy. Yeah, so?

Well, I don't think Mr.

Carson would appreciate that.

Could you please take this plant out my way because it is really distracting.

Okay.

Uh, sweetheart, you know you don't have to do this, right?

Please, did LeBron think I can't do her job? I don't think so.

You do, and everybody knows that.

What was all that about?

I was kind of getting insurance information from a psych patient, and I

let the door open, and he kind of escaped.

Oh, that's okay. I mean, you know, that's kind of normal.

People do that all the time.

Okay, so you need to make sure Mrs. Willard's room is ready for her after

surgery, and you can't go home until we figure out who let your psych patient

escape. Sorry.

Um, Dr. Brown, here you go.

What's this?

That's Mr. Carson's pre -op blood work you request.

Already? Yeah.

You kidding me?

Great.

I mean, this normally takes Sasha a few days to... You look beautiful.

I did it this morning.

Great. And your hair.

Did you lose weight?

it was no big deal.

The guys in the lab, they just needed a little boop -boop motivation.

That's nice.

Well, you seem to be hanging in there.

Oh, yeah, girl. You know, I am doing my thing.

I am handling it.

And, uh, how you doing?

Girl, please. Your job is a piece of cake.

In fact, I can do it with one hand tied behind my back. You see that?

You need to cut Colonel and Edna out of every picture we got.

Because they catch your pictures and everything. You being too nice, Cora,

cut a neck knee.

Snatch them off. Cut a head off.

You know what? We need to take Colonel and Edna to court.

What's the charge?

Grand theft lotto. That's ridiculous, Mr. Grant. That's what came.

Speaking of ridiculous.

I came to talk with Cora. Do you mind?

I don't mind, but Cora's scared of gremlins.

on it and don't feed it after midnight.

Shut up, you chocolate trick.

And let us talk.

Cora, um, I came to apologize.

I'm the one who should be apologizing. No, no, no. Look, I let money get in the

way of our friendship. I feel horrible, just awful.

Yeah, money always makes things worse.

The Colonel and I...

Had a discussion and we decided that Jiffy Jiffy is there.

Oh, really?

Really? That is so nice of you, Miss Edna.

I kind of cut you all out of this picture.

But you know, I just hate who I became.

You know what? I got to say something. Mr. Brown, we are talking. I don't like

what I'm hearing because somebody needs to give me some money.

You know what? Look, your fiancee is going to give me my money and somebody

going to get hurt up in here.

That's what's going to happen in the mintage.

Don't be telling me no problem.

Don't argue with me, sir. Please, sir, don't argue with me. The colonel and I

have decided to split the money 50 -50 with you.

See, Kerber, that's what happens. You've got to get tough sometimes.

Sometimes you've just got to sit down at the table where the table is spread and

talk things out man to man.

Colonel,

did you hear the news?

Y 'all decide to split the money with us 50 -50. Now I don't have to split your

skull.

You feel terrible, Brown.

And you look terrible, Curly. You look ridiculous.

Brown, things can never come between friends.

Oh, I feel so much better now.

You know what? Ain't nothing like friends you can count on.

I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry.

Now, let's not do this.

with me.

Sweetheart.

You're trying to act like Renee or do her job.

I don't care anymore, okay?

Look, this job sucks.

Good afternoon, Dr.

Brown.

Asha.

Hello, Renee. Good afternoon.

Hi. I've been looking for you. I have those charts you requested.

Impressive. You know, you are doing a really good job of trying to keep up

with Sasha.

Sweetheart, you look beautiful again today. You know, and your hair.

Did you lose weight?

Actually, it's a little bloated, Sasha.

It's the time of the month.

Well, how are you doing, Miss Renee?

Oh, my God, I am doing...

good. I'm fabulous.

Look, we got the nurses to, um, we're overtime for regular pay. Go figure.

You what?

Yep. Renee, how did you do that?

It was easy.

Blackmail. Yeah, those little cameras, they really come in handy.

Cameras? Mm -hmm.

You don't have one in 306, do you?

That's on a need -to -know basis.

But,

Dr. Will, I will say the black silk

boxers i don't like them you should really do the cotton gray ones that you

on that one time with the real fat band okay okay renee you win it's time to

switch where do you want to go for dinner good thing jack in the box

hey hey sweetheart don't give up okay hold on you still get two

hours left okay you're brown you can do it hey Hey, hey, if she wants to give

up, then, you know, give up.

Well, I guess that means I'll have some competition.

Why do you think that?

Obviously, because you'd make a great head nurse.

Yeah, I know, but I don't want your job.

Nope, everybody hates the head nurse.

They do?

Yeah, with a passion.

That's why I did so well. All the nurses, they chipped in to help me out.

So everybody hates me?

We all do.

Most of us.

Some of us.

One of us. I do.

Well, Cindy does.

Who's Cindy?

You fired her.

Hey, hey, stop right there.

You turn around and march back to your cage.

Stop looking at me.

wearing a dress at this house. What's wrong with this dress?

It look like it come with a pimp. Oh, you don't know nothing about fashion.

What? I don't know nothing about fashion.

What do you call this?

Bam! I cried for help.

You just don't know nothing. You know what? The colonel should have been here

hour ago.

Oh, here they go, here they go. Hey, did y 'all get our money, our cash, our

spriller, our government, our do -re -mi -fa -so?

Yeah, we sure did, Brown.

Oh, what'd they give you? What'd they give you? Cash or shit, Colonel? No.

Cash. Shut up! Cash!

They got to have an Omicron! They got to have an Omicron!

Where are the suitcases? Where are the suitcases? Yep,

we got cash, Brown.

$250.

What? Somebody lied.

Both of those locked up. We have another situation.

You take the dude. I'm going to take Colonel. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a

What happened to $100 ,000?

$200 ,000?

How am I going to pay for all these cunts? Oh, Cora, we all are

I'm not disappointed.

This gives me 250 reasons to put y 'all out of my house.