Original subtitles

Morning, baby.

Baby?

Sasha, I know when you look at me, you lust, but you got to resist me.

Mr. Brown, what are you wearing?

This is my pajamas.

I just, I had to cuddle up. Why are you up anyway? It's still dark outside.

Because I had a bad dream.

It was helicopters everywhere. They were shining lights through my window. It

was like living in a house with my dear.

And what you doing up this time of morning?

Oh, gosh, Will and I have been up all night filling out these adoption forms

get the kids back.

Is that all y 'all have to do to get the kids?

Yep. I had to go through a lot more than that to get Cora.

Why? Picture it. Me and my dear in the backseat of my daddy's car, prom night.

My dear had on a halter top and a teeny -weeny bikini skirt.

She looked like a tree with a paper towel wrapped around her.

She stood there, and you could see, because you know she always wear the

her eye.

And she looked at me with that one good eye she got, and I looked, and I said,

you got Adam's apple.

Madea has an Adam's apple? Yes, she got an Adam's apple since she was a little

girl. And I look at her, and I say, Madea, I can't do this with you. She

you're going to kiss me.

I said, the devil is alive.

She punched me again.

When I come through, I said, why am I shirt on?

Then next thing you know, she come down and she start kissing me. She kissed the

top lip on my forehead and the bottom lip on my chin.

And I was all in those dreads. Oh, no.

She was fighting.

Boy, I couldn't. I've been trying to get that image out of my head all my life.

They back.

They coming to get me. I can't go to jail. I don't want to be nobody's.

Yes. No,

baby, it's not the police. No, it's those frat boys next door. The fat boys

back together?

Mr. Brown, the frat boys, the fraternity boys?

At this hour?

Yeah, they're setting up some sort of light system or something.

Hey! Y 'all turn them lights off! Y 'all know what time it is?

It's 5 .30.

I didn't ask you what time it is. I said, y 'all know what time it is? Up

that. There is a difference.

And I said, it's 5 .30. And I said, y 'all better turn them lights off before

'all wake up the whole neighborhood.

Yes, she wanted me to put a passion mark on her neck.

Yes.

I cut my wrist before I do that.

Hey, Sasha.

Hey, Mr. Rose.

What you doing?

Now I can't find the lawyer's number.

Oh, really?

Yeah, really.

You need a lawyer?

Yes, Mr. Brown, I need a lawyer.

Oh, good. You know what? I can represent you. I can get you that settlement. I

can get you your money if you've been hurt in an accident.

Call me.

I can get it, Brown and Brown.

It's my money, and I want it now.

Come here. I done represented a lot of people in high school class actions. No,

no, no, Mr. Brown. Please, please.

Sit down, sit down. I'm going to show you how we do it as lawyers.

Sasha Brown.

Can you atone for your whereabouts on or about the night of August 1st, 1952?

Mr. Ronald wasn't alive in 1952. You were alive if I say you were alive,

Okay. Now, that's called, I'm peppering the witness. That's how we pepper you.

We get you peppered up.

You mean prepping the witness?

Same thing. I'm doing...

I really need to get some sleep and get these forms done, okay? Oh, no, no, no,

no, no. Come here, come here. You can't go in the court unprepared. If you go in

unprepared, that girl, they'll give you the electric chip.

They'll say, Sasha Brown, electricity should now pass through your body until

you are dead. You want to die? Is that what you... You want to die?

You want to die? Mr. Brown, okay.

All right?

Just do it.

I give up. Okay, okay. Let me find you something to swear you in.

We'll use this. Okay, just act like this is the Bible and just swear you in.

Okay? Raise your right hand.

Okay, put your hand on there. Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth,

but the truth, the truth so help you God, nothing but the truth? Mr. Brown,

not a Bible.

See, you can't handle the truth. I'm trying to teach you truth, and you can't

handle the truth. I'm going to bed. You're not going nowhere.

Look, let me tell you something.

Sasha, I'm going to ask you this, and I'm going to ask you once, and you

not cry.

Do you love them kids?

Do you love them kids?

Yes, Mr. Brown.

you promise to cherish them kids and take them to the grocery store and buy

stuff even when you don't want to buy them stuff and when they're sick at the

hospital and you gotta go to the hospital? You promise?

Yes, Mr. Brown.

Oh, okay. Well, by the powers divided in me by the state of Georgia, I now

pronounce you children and mother.

That'll be $99 .95.

Brown.

I found this man sacked out in the common area. Who closed his mouth?

what I meant.

Will,

go to bed, baby. I'll be right out. No, no, no. I want to help. Oh, we're good.

Let me sway you in and get you ready.

Will Brown, raise your right hand.

Don't do it.

No, no, no. I'm good.

Will Brown, you can't just run up on me. I'll start stabbing you in the throat.

Everyone is slacking this morning.

Colonel, I'm going to cook something. Oh, no need.

You lucky people get the chance to eat a real breakfast for a change.

Colonel Iron Gut Jackson's Chipped Beef Casserole.

Okay.

Chipped beef.

Shh.

Hold your cabbage.

We have a security breach in the backyard.

Thanks a lot.

Now, wait a minute. Now, I remember you, J. Quim.

But who are you?

Mr. Brown, that's Brianna.

Somebody lied.

We just stopped by on our way home from school.

In your pajamas.

Uh... Well... We just want to come home. We don't

like it at the turn of... I mean, we just... We really want to come here.

guys, but you said they were nice.

They are, but we like it here better.

I'm going to call Mr. Turner.

For what?

This is brown metal. Nobody asked brown.

It's covered with government assistance.

Oh, really?

I'm going to go and fix y 'all bed. You can sleep in the dresser.

Guys,

come on. We miss you, too, but you can't just go running away.

I'm going to drop you guys home after you have some breakfast, okay?

Chipped beef casserole all around.

Maybe it's not too late to go back to the Turners.

Colonel, it ain't bad enough that them boys keeping me up all night with that

music and them lights.

Now they got weeds growing into my backyard.

I take pride in my yard. They not finna tear up my stuff.

What are you doing, Brown?

I'm going to burn it. I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Unless you want to give the whole neighborhood a contact high.

What you talking about, Colonel?

I recognize that from none.

That's Mary Jane.

This ain't Mary Jane live down the street. This ain't her stuff.

Local weed.

Ganja.

Dope. What?

Wacky tabacky. You know, the sticky yicky yicky.

Well, wiggity, wiggity, wiggity.

What? Those fat boys are growing marijuana.

Colonel, you a liar. No.

No, they not about to mess up my... I don't smoke no more. They not to mess up

my neighborhood.

They not finna take my neighborhood to Funky Town.

I'm gonna put a stop to this.

Just say no to dope. Say no to dope. That's all you got to do is say no. Say

All you want to sit around and play games and smoke dope. You better not be

smoking either.

I'm going to spank you with this.

All right, come here, kids.

What's up?

Okay, I have a way to extract you from the turners.

First, I need some intelligence.

If you find any hookup, Mr. Brown, because he could use some, too.

No, no, no.

Intelligence is information.

Now, tell me about the turners.

Well, they've got a lot of room, really big hot tub, and a brand new white

carpet.

Perfect. Now, here in this footlocker, I have everything we need to extract you

from that suburban prison camp.

Ooh, so do you have any booby traps in here?

Yeah.

But this is still just a maggot. We'll start with the small stuff.

Here.

Instant grit?

Yep. Just pour those babies in a Turner's hot tub and cook them up a

steaming mess of southern hospitality.

You know what? That's a really good idea. They'll never want to see us

Exactly. Now, what I have here, a cherry bomb for the corner.

But that'll... Ooh, nice.

And last but not least, chocolate syrup.

Chocolate syrup for that pretty white carpet.

Yeah. Yeah, but then, then, we can set up a perimeter all the way around. Put,

tape, cut off... Oh, oh, oh, Brianna, Brianna. Shut them down.

neutralize all the communication. They won't be able to breathe, eat, sleep.

It'll be over.

I wish my little girl was more like you.

Let's go.

Mm, Barbara.

These muffins you baked are good. These are the best you done made.

Mr. Brown, I made those for everyone.

Well, I plan on eating every one of them, too.

Who is this messing up my muffin time? Stay right there.

Hi,

I'm Jacob. I'm president over at the frat house next door. You wanted to see

Yeah, I wanted to see you. Come on in, reefer madness.

Oh, Mr. Brown, I know we had guests. Would you like a muffin?

No, thank you.

Maybe you should have one.

Because when you go to jail, all you're getting is bread and water.

Ask the questions here, Bart Marley.

Where you from?

I told you, I'm... You can't tell me nothing. How you gonna try to open your

mouth to tell me something? You don't try to tell me nothing. Look, don't tell

me nothing.

You understand what I'm saying? Sit back down and don't move until I tell you to

move. Mr. Bart, what is going on? Back up, Cora. I don't want you to get none

this dope on you. Back up.

Now, Jake, let me ask you something.

Have you been growing something in your backyard?

Yeah, you know, we've been growing that drink.

You guilty. You ought to throw the book. Carver, give me a book. Mr. Powell,

what do you need a book for? Because I'm going to throw it at him because he's

guilty.

You people are nuts.

Now, you crazy.

Just say no.

What is going on with you?

Carver, that boy was growing dope over there in that yard.

What? Uh -huh. That boy was growing dope. He had dope just everywhere. Just

dope.

Ooh, these look good.

Yeah, I know he was growing dope in there because I kept some of it in there

the jar and put it on the table for when I called the police. The jar on the

table? On the table. Was it a blue mason jar? Mm -hmm.

Mr. Brown, I thought that was allspice. I put that in the muffins you eat.

Just calm down, okay?

I feel like freebasing.

Mr.

Brown, how about you go lay down?

Where are your prayers? Get your prayers.

Don't tell me.

I'm tired. I gotta go to the basement.

We don't have a basement.

won't get those kids back. Oh, well, you just gotta keep the faith. Keep the

faith. It's gonna work out, Sasha, okay?

Just sit down.

Hey, sweetheart.

What are you doing down there? You're supposed to be upstairs getting some

No, baby, I've got too much on my mind, okay?

Look, come on.

This adoption mess might take a while to work out, okay?

So you gotta take care of yourself.

All right.

I guess you're right. Okay? Mm -hmm.

You know, Cora, it's not looking too good with the kids. The Turners are not

going to make this easy.

Well, I can't blame them, Will.

Joaquin and Brianna are some great kids.

Yeah, they are.

Hello?

This is Will.

What happened?

Mr. Brown hanging out at the window.

All right, thank you. I'll be right there.

What is it?

Something's going wrong with the adoption. I need to go see about it.

Look, I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? All right, all right.

Carter, I found a big old rock. Come help me smoke this, Carter.

Mr. Brannan.

Come on, Carter. You can smoke this. You'll be little.

Hello, Carter. I don't worry about Brown Nun. That wacky weed might just mellow

him out.

I never should have made those muffins, Colonel.

He's been acting so strange.

How can you tell the difference?

Shoes. Priceless, girl.

Well, I can't fight it no more, baby.

I'm gonna just ride the wave.

I'm in the groove.

What it be like, brother man?

I'm not your brother.

For peace, bro.

We all God's children. Slide me some skin.

Oh, okay, bro. So you high now. But why are you high in the 70s? Oh, it's...

I'm hooked.

I'm in the groove, baby. Get in the groove.

Daddy, I'm sorry.

I never meant to get you hooked.

Back up, back up. Me ain't talking.

Now, speak.

I never meant to get you addicted, Mr. Brown. Oh, shut your mouth.

Brown, you're higher than unemployment.

Look here, I'm about to stone cold groove, baby. Can you dig it?

Look, I'm going to keep on trucking, baby.

Look, if y 'all want to come, we're having a party.

You can come too, baby.

We're taking the band back on the road.

There'll be no man left behind. Can you dig it? Take your hands off of me,

Bronner, or I'll knock the cannabis out of you.

I ain't got no cannabis. Easy, baby.

I guess you won't be going on the magical mystical tour, baby.

dollar fine you turn around five dollar fine you'll be frying fish tomorrow y

'all feel that groove y 'all don't feel it y 'all don't hear them bells

it's the door mr brown i'll get it well if it's for me i left 10 minutes ago

baby is mr brown here come on in that's the man that's why i get my stuff from

come on in here no i'm not the man mr brown you cut down on bushes

Well, you boys should be ashamed of yourself growing that devil weed in your

backyard. Devil weed? Yes.

Marijuana got my father all high. That's not marijuana. That's hibiscus.

I know it's hibiscus because I ate four of them hibiscus this morning.

Hibiscus. It's a flowering plant. We were growing up a botany class.

Well, how do you explain this?

Don't even try.

Why am I acting like this?

A cry for help, maybe.

Well, I'm sorry about your plants.

Is there anything that we can do?

Yeah. Keep him out of our yard.

How can you live here?

I self -medicate.

Yes, I know.

Hey, guys. Hey, Will.

Is everything okay?

Uh, well, is Sasha asleep?

Yes, as far as I know, yes, she is. Well, how did it go?

See for yourself.

Come on in, kids.

Oh, there's somebody out here! Get me out! Get me out!

Look at that! Oh, there's a problem. I can't breathe.

Oh, come on, okay? What's going on now?

Sasha, listen.

Did you two run away again?

Nope, they came with me.

Well, that's not going to help anything. It's just going to make it worse.

Look, honey, they need to be at home with the Turners for now.

But we are home.

No, sweetheart, you see, we have to do something. No, actually, he's right.

Joaquin and Brianna are home with us now for good.

Oh, that's so good.

Oh,

my God, you guys are really home.

So what happened?

So do you want to tell them?

Oh, well,

just a few mishaps.

Somebody put grit.

In the hot tub.

And firecrackers in the toilet.

And you don't even want to know what they did to the dog.

It was all natural ingredients.

The Turner's were actually very understanding, considering all the

Should have put sugar in them grits.

So basically, you guys sabotaged their home.

And don't forget, the two of you are going to head over there after school

tomorrow and clean up all that mess. Good for them.

Who is it that taught you how to do those things?

Because you people stole it. I'm trying to.

Oh.

Good night.

What's wrong?

I'm never going to finish all this work. My math teacher is so mean.

Oh, I got just the thing for that.

Instant grit?

Nope, better.

Chopper stick?

Nope, even better.

There you go.

An apple?

That's right, works every time.

Is there at least a worm in it?

Better bite into it and she'll tell.