Original subtitles

Oh, Cara.

Was that you?

What are you talking about?

Cara, what is that smell?

What? Girl, you need to do something.

I'm cooking my bacon egg artichoke casserole. At the counter, it was number

Well, it smell like a number two, Cara.

That's nasty.

I don't be like that, Mr. Brown. Well, I ain't being like nothing. Cara,

somebody break it in. Here, throw your casserole at it. Stop it. Stop being

silly, Mr. Brown.

Oh, it's just Derek.

Oh. Oh.

And hug it back.

Hey, you don't know how to fashion when you see it. I know you must have been

hot when you got dressed.

Now, if Brian's criticizing your clothing, he knows something's wrong.

Look, hey, what clothes my clothes?

Nothing if you're at the Scrabble board on Soul Train. Number two.

So what are you guys doing here so early? Early?

Yeah. We had a 7 o 'clock tea time.

It's 9 .30 now, and we only drink coffee, you know. No.

No, no, we played nine holes, a little practice round.

But for the tournament, we need another man.

Yeah, and since we couldn't find one, we thought we'd get you.

Oh, I play golf. Oh, that's nice. What's for breakfast?

Oh, you know what? I like golf. Let me go get my helmet and my cup and my thigh

pads. Told you it was a bad idea.

Hey, I play golf. Carter, quit interrupting.

What y 'all need another man for?

Well, uh, the Colonel's friend, Roscoe, had to drop out.

Oh, slacker, probably.

What's his excuse?

Well, he died.

Well, that sounds like a pretty good excuse.

So, Bron, are you playing or not?

I ain't played in a while. I don't know. I need some practice. Look, I'll play

golf. Okay, look, I'll play, but I'm going to need a new hat. I'm going to

a new shirt, and I need some shoulder pads.

Oh, yeah, and some of those long metal things, I'm going to use some of them

with the big ball on the end.

Clubs. Yes, yes, I'm going to need the clubs, and then also get me some cleats.

I need cleats. Fine, fine, let's go.

Yes. You know, and we also going to... Wait a minute. Hey, guys, wait. What

he have that I don't have?

Balls. Yes.

Balls. Balls. That's what we need. Well, I can buy some balls. That ain't fair.

What?

You've got to be kidding me.

What do you see?

Girl, you got some long hair up in here.

Oh, shoot, my bad.

It's my eyelash. I knew I shouldn't have got these from the corner store.

So how bad is it?

Oh, yeah.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but, um... Break time!

Oh, hey, Renee, could you... Break time!

What's wrong with that nerd?

You won't be here long enough for me to explain that.

Okay,

it says right here that you have got... Sasha?

Chrissy?

Ever since the reunion? Oh, my God, how are you? Well, you tell me.

Well,

according to your test results, you're fine. Yeah, you're good to go.

I am?

Yeah. I'm not being admitted? No.

But I still have this pain in my left arm.

Well, no, no, no. According to this, it's your right arm. See?

Renee?

What do you think you're doing?

Not listening to your conversation.

Do you see anything wrong with this chart?

Huh? Let me see.

Oh. Yeah.

I was wondering where my other eyelash was.

No. No, you made a mistake on my friend Christy's chart.

Oh, you two know each other. I knew it.

Bougie birds of a feather flock together. We grew up in the same

Slumber parties at my...

If you have any more symptoms, please don't hesitate to come back, okay?

Or I could just stay.

Are you crazy?

Please. Why would anybody want to stay in the hospital?

Rich doctors, too quiet toilet paper, all the Q -tips you can use.

Oh, don't act like it's just me.

What?

Okay, Brown, we got a lot of work to do here.

Now, what's your handicap?

I'm not anymore.

Yeah, they fixed it. It was my left leg. It was longer than my right leg. But

they put this thing on it and stretched it out.

You know what was crazy? When I used to run, it used to make me run in a circle.

I couldn't run in a circle just like this. Okay, never mind. Never mind.

Let's just tell you about the greens.

Oh, I already know about greens. I already know about the turnip greens.

You got your mustard greens. You got your mixed turnip mustard greens. What's

wrong with you, focus?

I am.

Y 'all ask me. Okay, listen to me.

Which one is your driver?

Whichever one of y 'all going to be driving. I thought I was driving a

No, Brown. The club you're going to be driving with.

Oh, that's easy. I know that. That's your driver, right? No.

You're the driver.

Oh, no.

Mm -hmm. You're driver.

That's your pitching wedge.

Oh. Yeah, let's just start with that. Yeah. Okay, we'll start with this. Get

right here. All right.

Y 'all ready? Yeah.

Mm -hmm. Let me see you swing, Brown.

Oh, it's on the front porch. You know, I used to like to sit on that swing and

sip cool lemonade and watch the dog swing.

Oh, oh, my God, swing. Okay. Y 'all back up, because I don't want y 'all to get

hurt.

What is wrong with you? I'm stretching. You can't just get out and start

swinging without stretching. That's how people pull a leg string.

Now, how's that going to help? You watch. You got to watch me. Look at

check the barometric pressure. Bob, will you just do it? Just swing.

I am checking the barometric pressure.

You want to watch the news, that's what you don't do. Watch weather.

Okay.

Now, look, you don't have to swing that hard. This is a pitching wedge.

Just pitch it.

Well, why y 'all didn't say that? Y 'all was having to stand up here doing all

this slang and sweating and stuff. If I could pitch this out... Oh!

Six!

That's four.

No, that's the sixth cat I done hit today.

I knew this one of them would. I knew it. Come on, come on, come on. Just be

patient. Okay, relax.

All right, find your center.

Yeah, while you're finding your thinner, can you find them balls I hit over the

fence earlier?

Okay, Brown, let me show you how to do it.

Okay. What the? What are you doing? I'm showing you how to swing, Brown. But I

don't swing like that. What are you doing?

It means you golf swing. Well, you can't just walk up behind somebody and put

your arms around like I got an apron on.

Curly, you want some eggs and bacon? Come on, Brown, just focus.

I am, but I can't focus with a big old hairy man breathing down my neck. You'll

be all right. You're worse than my dear.

You can left that boat straight on the takeaway.

Okay. All right, looks good, looks good. All right? Now, how does that feel? How

does that feel? Oh, that feel good. That feel good. What are y 'all doing out

here? Oh! Oh!

How about them baffles? Pass me those. Oh, that's sort of warm.

Yes. Cobra, I'm going to go check on Sister Johnson's cat.

Yes, I'm macho.

So how's Mr. Brown doing?

Honestly, Cory, he sucked.

He sucked.

Well, maybe I should give him a few corners. You know I played in college.

You did?

Yeah. Well, why didn't you tell us? I guess I just slipped my mind.

Are you any good?

Well, you know, I may be a little rusty, but it's been a minute.

Let's see what I got here.

know if I should.

I couldn't. Why?

Well, who's going to break the news to Mr.

Brown?

You know how sensitive he is. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it has to be somebody, you know, with a lot of tech.

You know, a lot of tech. Yeah.

You're right.

You going to do it? Yeah, good luck on that, Cora.

Wait a minute.

Well, Christy, you just can't stay awake, can you? Yeah.

I was halfway home, and I got the worst pain in my stomach. It felt like it was

going to explode.

Good. Okay.

And how about that pain in your arm?

It's still a little sore.

All right.

Well, I hate to say this, but you're going to have to be admitted.

That's okay.

They usually keep me under observation for at least three days.

Okay.

All right, well, we're going to try to get you out of here a lot faster than

that. Take your time.

Oh, Christy.

Honey, I heard that you were back.

Is everything okay?

Yep.

We're taking good care of her.

All right, I'm going to order some tests. I feel like I'm just falling

The last time my doctor said that it could be either abdominal or pancreatic.

Well, that sounds odd.

Are you sure?

Why? You think I'm lying?

No, Christy.

It's looking like your symptoms keep changing.

I've got a complicated medical history. I don't need my friend giving me the

start degree.

It's not that. It's not?

No.

Look, it sounds like you keep getting misdiagnosed.

And I want to make sure that you get the help that you need. So let's just let

the doctor do his job.

It's bizarre because you were fine this morning.

That's why they keep me under observation.

You know what? Whatever it is, Will's going to figure it out, and you'll be

of here in no time. I don't mind staying.

Let's hope you don't have to.

Woo!

Somebody put her attack there?

Are you going to be here when I get back?

Oh, girl, I sure hope not. I'm trying to get out of here. I came in here. I

think she was talking to me.

And yes, I will be here for you.

All right, Mr. Orderly, don't forget to swing back and pick me up.

Oh, Renee, this makes no sense.

It does make sense. I'm tired.

I've been on my feet all day, Sasha.

First of all, that's a lie.

Secondly, you need to... Uh, Sasha, how old are you now, Christy?

I told you, Wilson, since we were kids.

Why? Because something doesn't add up. Her symptoms keep changing.

Oh, well, maybe this explains it.

Okay, could you get out of her purse?

Either your girl is a window washer or she's making her own stuff big.

Yeah, well, that's ridiculous, because Chrissy wouldn't do something like that.

Well, uh, has she suffered any childhood traumas? Not that I know of.

Oh, you know what? I read about this.

I bet you your girl got that, um, munchkin syndrome.

You mean munchhausen syndrome.

It's when people intentionally harm themselves to receive sympathy from

Oh, and she's strong.

Well, personally, I think you're both wrong.

Well, this is cleaning fluid.

Well, that doesn't mean anything.

There's lipstick on the bottle.

Mr.

Brown, golf isn't for everybody, and by everybody, I mean you.

Oh, I didn't say that.

Look, Mr. Brown, you remember that movie, He Got Gang?

Well, they wasn't talking about you.

I didn't say that either.

Okay, okay, okay. Mr. Brown, you remember that song, Bad, Bad Leroy

They was talking about your swing.

You didn't either?

What am I going to say, Mr. Brown?

Yes, Carmen.

Who? You here?

Yeah, I live here, duh.

Who you talking to?

Carter, can you hurry this up? Because I got to get to the links. You know,

that's golf talk. You don't understand golf talk.

Oh, yeah.

Well, about that, Mr. Brown, I have this problem I need to talk to you about.

Okay, can you just push, move it on forward a little bit? Because Derek is

of waiting on me at the tea time. Yes, that's golf talk, too. You don't

understand golf talk. Oh. I got a strike today, you know. Okay.

Well, that's the problem.

Say what?

Nothing. Well, I was just, Mr. Brown, see, this is you.

Yes.

This here is your golf.

Oh, you're talking about I'm crushing the competition.

Yeah, I'm a player, Carter.

I just crush a lot. Yeah. I see how I'm crushing it. Yeah.

Oh, I'm so happy you're supporting your daddy in this game, girl. Yes,

Kirby, you know I'm excited.

I'm excited that I get to play the same game as Tiger Woods.

You know I hit the ball today.

Yeah? Well, actually, I didn't hit it. I swung so hard, and the wind from the

thing knocked the ball off the tee.

Yeah, but it moved, though. That's all it can is the ball is moving.

Yeah.

Are you excited about this, huh? Sure, yeah, I'm excited.

Yeah, we get to hang out like the three musty tears.

Yes, and the three Negroes.

And the four tops, yes. It was four. One of them didn't make it.

I just have one thing to say. What is it, Carl?

Have fun.

Okay. I'm going to put on my good golf clothes. This is my training stuff. I'm

training people.

You should have seen me at that strike.

So, am I being admitted?

Well, you're going to be under 24 -hour observation.

Is that it?

Is there something you want to tell me?

Not really.

Chrissy, how could you do this to yourself?

You wouldn't understand.

What do you mean I wouldn't understand?

Chrissy, we grew up together. We were friends.

Yeah?

Why do you think I was always at your house?

My mom's meatloaf?

No.

Your house was fun. I could play with you and your cousins.

The only time I got any attention at home was when I was sick.

I didn't know that.

Did you ever try to get any help?

Yeah. It worked for a while.

But when my husband got sick, I spent so much time at the hospital, I fell back

in my old habits.

Why didn't you say anything?

I thought I could handle it on my own.

Look, hey.

Look, you don't have to, okay?

We're going to get you a therapist and we're going to handle this together.

Thanks, Sasha. Yeah?

But that's what friends are for.

All right, I'm here for you.

Now, you know I've still got my mom's meatloaf recipe, right?

I'd rather drink bug spray.

Oh. And I have.

Hey, Cora, I thought you were going to tell Brown we didn't want him to play

golf with us. I tried, but I didn't want to break his heart. Well, you should

have broken his clubs.

I'm sorry. Did you guys lose by a lot? Well, not exactly.

Cora, look. Look at that.

I won, Cora. You did?

Yes, I left them other golfers.

They were just in my dust. Look like that, Cora. They were chasing you. No,

were our sore losers. They sore losers because I'm a winner.

They was jealous of me.

Yes, Cora, look here.

I'm going to go put this up on my shelf in there.

You know, before I go, I would like to thank the Golfing Academy for

golf talent and not politics. That's what I want to thank you for.

Yes, thank you, Lord.

I'm going to put this up for you. Look at that thing shining.

How in the world did you guys win the tournament?

We didn't take that idiot to the tournament.

He said he played golf.

Yeah, miniature golf.

He gave trophies to all the special kids.

Yeah, and we took him there because we didn't want him to hurt anybody.

We were wrong. So wrong.

Well, what happened?

On the ninth hole, Mr. Brown got into a fist fight with a 90 -year -old man.

Yeah. Did anybody get hurt?

Well, Mr. Brown had him down for a while.

And the old man took his dentures out and bit him.

It was all over from there.

So what about the tournament? Well, it starts in the hour. Can you meet us

there? Yeah, yeah.

I will. I'll meet you on the tee box. All right. That's golf talk.

Golf talk, yeah.

I didn't prepare.

I just prepared a small segment of my imagination, and I'd like to share some

it with you.

I'd like to thank the Golf Academy of Golf and Science.

I'd like to thank the Miniature Golf Academy for giving me this award, to

which all things are possible if you just believe.

I would like to thank the one person who made this possible in my life.

Me. Me!

Watch this, Cora. I'm going to show you this.

This is how they do it when they play in the golf.

Mr. Brown needs to shot on the 18th hole for a ducky.

Birdie, Mr. Brown.

Birdie, ducky, chicken, whatever it is. You know what I'm talking about.

Watch this, Cora.

You can do it.

If you're going to talk, you're going to mess up my backswing. I got the

backswing, and I got to come down into it. But I can't do it if you're talking.

So you look.

Be quiet. Do I look like I need porn?

Corey, you're moving your feet and stuff.

Beat your feet still.

Corey,

you see that?

Oh, you see that shot.

Yes. Corey, you see it?