Original subtitles

Are you two back on, my friend?

I knew we should have never let you have those profiles.

Brianna, what do you have? Sasha, a little privacy, please.

Privacy is for people who pay rent.

Hmm.

My friend Paul is having cold pizza for breakfast.

How do you know that? He posted it on his My Friend page.

Well, obviously Paul's mom knows nothing about nutrition.

I have seen Paul and his mama biting my biscuits.

I would take a biscuit over this stale donut.

That's a bagel brie.

Well, can we get one with sprinkles next time?

Sasha, Paul's mom told me to tell you to... Oh, wait.

I'm not allowed to say these words.

Joaquin! Joaquin, did you post what I just said?

Okay, close it, both of you.

Nephew, that waffle got my name all over.

Now that I get to it first.

Yeah, what in the world?

I told you to get my stuff.

So what's up, family?

You mean besides our kids are addicted to my friends?

What? Hey, I warned you two.

But how am I going to know what my friends are doing?

Watch Cops.

Brianna, you don't have to check in every five minutes.

Yeah, that ain't no fun. That's more like a parole officer.

You guys are old. You don't understand.

Okay, see, you're just going to let her walk and ain't nobody going to get none

of that thing on her. That red attack.

You know, I can set up my friend profiles for you and Sasha so you can

it's like.

And why would we do that, Joaquin?

We're adults. We're busy. You see, there's no need for... Hold on.

I have one for you and one for Will.

That was fast.

Oh, wow. It's easy when you don't have a wife.

Come on, sweetie, let's go.

Can you set me up one of them?

I want to see what the brethrens are doing at the church.

It's kind of cool, but I definitely don't have the time for this.

Way too much to do. Cut this down.

Oh, hey.

Look, it's Linda from middle school.

Oh, hi, Linda. I wonder what she looks like now.

Whoa!

Watch that bullet.

They say black don't crack, but it sure will stretch.

I bet you that girl tear a twin -size bed up. Look, she on the next screen and

the next screen. Yeah, she on all them screens, and we just at her leg.

Check this out, Uncle Brown. Look at all the friends I have on my My Friend

page. Okay, let me see what you got.

That's your cousin.

And that one, too.

And that's your cousin. That's your cousin. That's your cousin.

Nephew, all of them your cousins.

Except that one. That's your friend's cousin's sister's dad's great -niece.

Yep. That's all right.

They count anyway.

Yep, yep. Just like high school. You ain't got no friends.

Nephew, you remember that time you asked that, uh...

Hunchback cross -eyed girl to the prom.

Yeah, my cousin cross -eyed Carla. Yeah, poor thing. They call that baby Cece.

Cross -eyed Carla. Yes, boy. I didn't never know when that girl was looking at

me. Poor thing's eyes was cocked like a pistol. Just... Yes.

I mean, her eyes were so crossed when she cried, her tears went backwards.

Is she one of your friends?

Uh, no.

She rejected my request.

Ah!

You can't get a hunchback cross -eyed girl.

You couldn't tell if she was talking to you anyway. She would walk like this.

Her eyes would just be certain.

Hey, babe.

Hey, sweetheart. How you doing? I'm good.

Are you on that my friend site again? Uh -huh. Have you tried it yet?

No. Unlike you, I haven't had time.

Come here.

Check it out.

It's a great way to communicate.

Find old friends and post.

Little bits of wisdom.

Bits of wisdom?

Ha, let me see that.

Word up is the code word?

Really, Will?

It's creative.

It's cameo.

Oh, that's what I thought that was.

Hey, everybody.

Hey. Hey, Joaquin.

How's my new friend?

How you doing? Hey, did you see the messages I posted up on your page today?

Yeah. And so did all my friends. Oh, yeah? What'd they think?

Whose cameo?

Told ya.

Wow.

You know what?

It's odd that even Brianna didn't approve my request.

That's no surprise.

What? I said I'm surprised.

Oh. You know, if you want me to, I could just go and accept it for her.

You could do that?

What, you know her password or something?

No. But it's got to be something that she can spell.

C -A -T.

Hey,

that's ridiculous.

K -A -T.

We're in.

Well, are you sure this is a good idea? Shouldn't we be respecting our privacy?

With three eyes.

All right.

Thanks, man. This is great. Now we can all bond online.

Word up.

You almost there?

Yeah, yeah. Pass me three quarters and a three quarter inch wrench.

With a half inch socket on it.

Yeah.

Well, that'll do.

since my grandpa passed a kidney stone.

Hold on.

Yay!

another time hi excuse me have either one of you seen my cockatoo

what the what no ain't nobody want to see nothing stop being nasty anyone seen

my cockatoo a cockatoo is a bird mr brown oh yeah it got

away and i think it's somewhere here in the neighborhood oh well what it look

like uh smooth head um little beady eyes and bright colored i don't know smooth

head

Beady eyes and bright colors. No, I ain't seen nothing like that around

Well, at least take a flyer. I'm offering a $500 reward.

Shut up!

$500? Let me have it. I'll get it. I'll find the bird. No, I got it. I got it.

Okay, so what's the bird's name?

Larry.

Larry Bird.

That's funny. I don't get it.

Never mind. Never mind.

Well, please call us if you see it. Okay, I will. I'm all on it. They call

the bird whisperer.

I can think like a bird.

Hey.

Hey, Cora. Hey, Cora, check it out.

I downloaded the new My Friends software to my phone.

Cool, right?

Yeah, last year.

Oh, hi.

I got a new friend.

Oh, really?

Oh, Cora, it's just you.

I'm a cousin.

Is that all I get after all that begging?

How'd you get so tech savvy all of a sudden? I teach school. I'm down with

jive. Tech guy.

What school you teaching at, Cooley High?

Come on, let me school you. Let me see. Who you want to hit?

What page you want to hit?

Go in alphabetical. Oh, Brianna.

Oh, look at all her pictures.

Oh, you're cute.

I know, isn't she cute?

Ha, ha, ha.

Oh, how sweet.

Who's next?

Oh, is that Brianna in the mini dress?

What?

Sugar lops.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, well, I think it's time for me to TTYL.

Woo.

Brianna. Hmm?

What's this?

It's a cell phone.

That's a table.

And that's a chair.

All right, look, I'm not being funny.

Sugar lumps.

Wait, what?

Uh -huh, yeah. I saw your My Friend page.

Wait, you looked on my page? Well, that's private.

Uh, well, according to your skirt, that's the only thing that is private.

It's not even that short.

It's shorter than your attention span.

I'm sorry, what?

Rihanna, colleges and employers check this site, too.

You're snooping around like you don't trust me. Well, obviously I can't.

wearing a headband for a skirt.

Rihanna, that's disrespectful.

Where'd you get this thing, anyway?

Sasha's closet.

That's not the point.

Look, I'm your father. I have a right to know everything you do. No, you don't.

That's not fair.

Well, that's the way it is.

Now, look, maybe you shouldn't have a My Friend page.

You can't do that.

Yes, I can.

How else can I be sure I won't see anything like this again?

Don't worry.

I'll take care. All right.

You better, Brianna.

I am. I mean it. Do it now.

I am.

Shoot.

Who's she think I am?

I'll run this.

Hey, she blocked me.

Lock me. Oh, no.

Uh -uh. I'm going to have to handle this.

Brianna! Curry!

Mr. Bell, what did you do to my good pillow? Curry, nobody did nothing.

your good pillow? It got a hole in it.

Well, you put a hole in it. And what is that on your head?

Did I get it?

No, on top.

Oh.

My church hat?

Curry, I'm trying to catch that bird trying to get that reward runner. Ain't

nobody coming. What's your reward? You can buy me a new pillow.

Look what Brianna did. Who am I?

Hmm? Uh, my wife.

And this is the chair.

This isn't a joke, Will.

I had a chance to visit your My Friends page, and I noticed that you didn't even

mention you were married.

Wait a minute.

You've been on my page? I thought you weren't interested in me. Oh, I am very

interested.

Well, don't blame me.

Joaquin created my profile. Wait a minute.

Am I going to have to worry about you snooping around on there because you

trust me? Can I have some privacy?

I'm your wife, Will. I have a right to know everything that you're doing.

No, you don't.

That's not fair.

Oh, yes, it is.

You know what? Maybe you shouldn't even have your old my friend, Paige.

You can't do that.

Oh, yes, I can.

How am I supposed to know I won't see anything like this again?

Fine.

I'll take care of it.

I mean it. Okay.

I don't know who he thinks he is. He must be out of his mind trying to walk

around here like he's single.

I'll run this piece, okay?

Wait.

You mean he blocked me?

Cheap, cheap, cheap.

Is that supposed to be a bird, Kyle?

No. I'm looking at the paint job on your house.

Look for the bird.

$500 is at stake. Come on, look for the bird. Fine.

A cockatoo? What does it look like? It has long, splendid legs and a beautiful

tail. Let me see. What is it? That might be it.

That's Miss Johnson, you idiot.

Yeah, I know.

Be serious. We're trying to find a bird.

Well, yeah.

I think she just gave it to me.

Look for the bird. Sorry, Miss Johnson.

I'm looking for...

bird whisper. Listen to all the birds coming unto me.

Come unto me, all the birds that are heavy laden.

Oh, wait. There it is right there. Is that it?

That's it. That's the cockatoo.

All right. All right. Quick, quick, quick.

Call the owner.

Give me the phone. Give me the phone. Here.

Dollar's number. 5 -5 -5.

5 -5 -5 -5 -5.

Hello?

What you doing?

Yeah. This is Mr. Brown down the street. You lost your bird?

Yeah, we just found it. He overheard my tree.

Yeah, we'll hold him until you get him.

Okay, he on his way.

Wait, hold him? How?

I don't know. I can't think of everything.

You know what? We'll just scare him, and then when he goes to fly away, we'll

catch him with this net.

All right, fine.

I'll tell you what.

Here, look.

Scare him with this rock.

What if I hit the bird?

Yeah, what are the chances of you hitting the bird? with the thang let me

cover back okay here it goes throw it

I'm blocking it.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

Am I blocking you now, Sasha?

Am I?

That would be rude if I was.

Right, Brianna?

Oh, don't tell me y 'all still not talking.

Starting to get good.

You wouldn't understand, Cora.

I think I would. I've seen all of your pages.

You have?

trust your husband.

And Brianna, you need Jesus.

But Will invaded my privacy.

Your privacy?

He's your father.

He has the right to know what you're doing in case he has to protect you.

See, Will, that's what I was trying to say.

Sasha, you a liar.

You were not trying to protect him. You were just being nosy.

That's what I was trying to say.

Well, she has a point. What if she would have left her status blank, letting

everybody think that she was single?

You're right.

You need to set some ground rules as a family before you join these sites.

Okay. She makes a good point.

We need to set some boundaries.

Yeah, about what's private and what's not.

Fair enough.

But, uh, well, how did you get on my page?

I never accepted your friend request.

Uh, Joaquin... Joaquin!

Oh, I'm gonna get you, Joaquin!

Get a picture.

This is gonna be good.

I am so good.

All these young people can't do without me.

I didn't know you was going to hit him.

It's your backyard.

You don't never do nothing right. What are you going to do?

What am I going to do? What are you going to do?

Hello, Mr. Brown?

He's here.

If you want to do it, come on. Act natural.

Hey,

guys. Here to pick up Larry.

Larry Bird.

He's just a tall, white guy, curly hair, tight shorts.

They can make you go like this.

Well, let me see him. He usually speaks when he sees me.

That doesn't sound like Larry.

Oh, yeah, yeah. We, uh, we taught him some impersonations. Really? Yes. Yes,

out here as Mr.

T. Yes. I pity the fool.

I don't want to fly.

Well, here's your money.

Now let me have my bird.

Thank you. Oh, look.

Larry flew away again? Flew away again.

He always leaving when you come. What you doing to that bird?

Keep that bird in your own yard.

Ooh, Miss Johnson, I'm kill your bird.

Larry? Larry?

Give me my money. I'm going to go tell my dad.

Larry? Larry?

You know, this bird has to be alive.

Next time, be more pacific.

You talking to Larry?

a dead bird.

I think Edna got a birthday coming up.

Let her eat. All right.

Get some wrapping paper. Yeah.

Larry was a good bird.

He didn't do the dirty bird.

He wasn't no jailbird.

Can you send me some money for cigarettes?

He wasn't that kind of bird.

I just want to say to Larry, feather, Feathers to feathers!