Original subtitles

Hey, Cora. Hey.

Hey, baby.

What you reading?

It's a book on parenting.

Before you grab the extension cord.

My dear should have read that book.

She used to beat me with a belt, a switch, a hairbrush, a plunger.

Master.

Baby, we are going to use this book so we can raise our kids right.

What, and hit them with the book?

A tree branch, a comb, a fan belt, a bag of penny candy.

Oh, this is good. Okay, listen.

Instead of getting upset with your child, point out the proper way to do

Morning. Morning, Joaquin.

What's up, buddy? How'd you sleep?

Mostly on my side.

What? Get your lips off that container. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey.

Threatening a child's life.

What chapter is that?

What? Little boys drink from the container.

Strong men drink from the glade.

But Mr. Brown drinks from a sippy cup.

And, uh, we see how he turned out.

Well,

check him out.

I'm impressed. It worked. Good morning.

Hey, sweetie.

What?

Open for business?

I know you're not wearing that shirt out of here.

Will, positive reinforcement.

Oh, okay.

I'm positive you're not wearing that shirt out of here.

Brianna, remember that cute orange top we bought together?

Uh -huh. Why don't you wear that? That is really pretty on you.

Really? Yeah.

Thank you, Sasha. That's a good idea.

Uh -huh. What? See that?

She even said I had a good idea. Well, at least she didn't say, I hate you.

You're ruining my life.

Matthew, I need you to play some ball with me. You want to play? I'll clean

up if I play.

You're going to hurt somebody.

Mr. Brown, run in the house.

Get out of here.

Please tell me there's a chapter on uncles.

Congratulations to you and your ugly fiancé on your marriage and future

Hello?

You have no whole

train. Speaking of training, who let you out?

The same person who took your neck.

I'm ready for my trip this evening to the spa.

Girl, I was so excited. I couldn't even sleep last night. Me either. That's

because it was a full moon and you had a lot of work to do.

How many rabbits you killed?

I had to stay up searching for your hairline.

Come on, Cora.

Let's go on before we get stuck in traffic.

All right. Cora, Cora, make sure you let the window down so Edna can stick her

head out of it. She like that. Her ears will just be flat.

That's what you get. I don't mind fighting a dude.

I don't mind fighting a dude.

Knock the skin off my hair. My brain loose now.

I see the cats are away. It's not a mice can play.

We got rats again.

I got really been rats.

Get down from there, Mr. B.

What's up? What's up? Look at all this food I got for the Colonel's bachelor

party. Oh, well, hurry up because I got something to do afterwards.

What? Put you out.

Stop playing, Mr. B. I'm not playing.

Did you invite all the colonel's friends?

Yes, yes, I invited all two of them.

The colonel has more than two friends. You coming?

Of course. Make that three, then.

We can't have a party with three people.

Why not? Did you call his family?

They're not speaking.

Well, what about his army buddies?

They're not speaking either, because they dead.

Well, what about his church family?

I'm coming. I told you, I'm in.

Did you invite some of your fat brothers?

They're my crack brothers.

Oh, that too. And they're not coming.

They said old people smell like mothballs and hemorrhoid cream.

Oh, really? I invite a few people from the church.

Nothing brings deacons together like fellowship and free food.

Oh, we got plenty of it. Oh, what you got? What you got? We got chips. Uh

And salsa.

Salsa. And bean dip. Wait, wait. Oh, it's nay on the in bed day. What's wrong

with bean dip? Bean dip and all men. Boy, you. then I'm turning this into a

weapon of mass destruction.

Don't go to the bingo.

Are you sure the colonel won't figure out what we're doing?

Derek, the colonel still hasn't found out his fiancee is a dude.

All right.

Well, is there anything else, Mr. B? Yes. One more thing I should do.

Put you out. Get out.

Can you at least open the door first? Oh, okay.

Now get out.

Hey, what up, Mike B?

Hey, do you still have the information on that joy?

Yeah, that joy.

Yeah, I needed to provide a little entertainment for this old guy's

party.

Nobody's parents are this cool.

We're just going to keep this between me and you until we figure out what we're

going to do about this.

Well, maybe it's a mistake. Isn't there another one in the box? That was the

third one.

Simone, I'm scared.

Me too.

Dinner is almost ready, baby. Oh, great.

Because I'm starving.

Brianna, Joaquin, let's go. Get your butts down here.

Well, honey, remember the book.

Gotcha.

Brianna, Joaquin, get your butts down here before I grab the extension cord.

Wow. Are we going for father of the year? Yeah, baby.

I'm a quick study.

I brought down the trash.

Oh, great.

Now I'm done with my chores.

All right.

Put it back in there. Now, if you could just go wash those little hands, please.

Thank you very much. So nice.

Oh, Brianna.

You look so pretty in that dress. Really? Thank you.

Yeah. And it's covering up everything so nicely. Uh -huh.

You are finally leaving something up to the imagination.

Yeah, and those little boys better keep their imaginations to themselves.

Late for that.

What was that?

I said, I like your hat.

I'm not wearing a hat.

Oh, that's your hair?

It looks like his hair.

What's up? I told you to get a haircut.

Everybody got you.

I wish my family wasn't cool.

Yeah, we're one big happy dysfunctional family.

That's about to get a little bigger.

This is what I mean.

Wait, a pregnancy test?

Will, that's not mine.

Whew.

Okay.

All right, if it's not yours, Cora's abstinent. Edna doesn't live here.

Mr. Brown's been looking a little baby bumpish.

Mr. Brown?

Really?

Well, there's my mom.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where do you think you're going?

I guess nowhere.

No, sit down.

Girl, I can't believe after all we've taught you, you up and let this happen?

What? Nothing has happened.

Brianna, we talked to you about birth control, and you asked us to trust you.

Can I say something? There's nothing for you to say.

We are sick and tired of your excuses, Brianna. I'm not pregnant.

You're lying.

The test is right here.

Fine. No, Brianna, this is not fine.

You're 16 years old. You're not ready for this. I know. I am talking.

Tomorrow we're going to take you to the hospital to see the OBGYN.

Can you just give me a chance? No.

We've given you a chance.

So you guys are just not going to listen to me?

Fine.

You know what?

Where's that extension cord?

I'll help you find it.

I say two meatballs.

Give it here. How you going to make a to -go plate and you just got here? Get

out of here. The only thing that's to -go is you. Goodbye.

See, a disobedient child, a number his days.

I tell you what, look.

Listen up. Everybody listen up. I said it once and it's the last time I'm going

to say it. There's a two -meatball limit.

Colonel, you can get three because this is your party. But everybody else, two.

Colonel, two. Thank you very much.

Sir, thank you for being so obedient to the Lord's call.

You know what? Just for that, you just earned yourself a second glass of punch,

I guess.

Well, we out of punch, but you'll get your reward in heaven. Just wait.

Okay, I'm going to go out and refresh the fruit before they realize the bottom

ones are fake.

Oh.

Okay, did you know I'll get something for that tooth in a minute. Don't

it.

I was just about to come get you, Mr. B.

For what?

Meet Joy.

She's the entertainment for the night. Oh, Joy, hey, such a spiritual name.

I bet you're going to touch us all with your tap.

Okay, but that's going to cost you extra.

All right, Joy, why don't you get yourself ready, and I'll go set the

Nice to meet you, Joy.

Oh, I bet you with a name like Joy, your daddy must be a pastor.

So what, are you going on first?

Going on first to do what?

Well, I...

Thought you were going to juggle since you dress like a clown.

A clown?

How many clowns you know dress like this?

All of them.

Well, your clothes ain't exactly up to date neither with them fishnet stockings

on. Huh, really?

Yeah. Well, this is coming off.

It's your business.

Oh. I can't see that.

Yeah, yeah, that's the business I want to get in.

You're going to have your own wing and hair. You shouldn't look up on her like

that. Well, I thought we were having a bachelor party, not a Bible study. Is

there a problem? No.

Look,

I thought you came here to make a joyful noise under the Lord, not show us your

iniquity. Well, look, believe me, when I start to do my thing, all of those men

will be making a joyful noise. Hey, you're not going in there. You're coming

over here.

Mr. Brown, why would I hire a singer for a bachelor party?

How many bachelor parties have you been to?

Captain Nelson?

One.

Can we get this party started? Because after this, I got to burn this. You

going in there. You're going this way. Okay, fine. Just pay me my money and I'm

out. I ain't paying you nothing.

Oh, really? Oh, really.

Well, we will see about that when Boo Rock has you hanging over a balcony.

B -B -B -B -B -B -B -Boo Rock.

That ain't sad. I can come with two strikes.

And you better stop. Stop wiggling your neck at me. You ain't no fish on no

hook, so you don't be wiggling at me.

Pay the lady, Derrick.

What? I don't have that kind of money.

Normally, we'd pick up a collection to pay the entertainments.

You think you're going to get some stripper money from a room full of

folk? You're not doing it. Okay, so wait. Hold on.

You got a room full of church people who don't know you hired me?

That's right, Jezebel.

Well, listen.

Joseph with the Technicolor dream clothes.

or I'm going to show them my hunt. Oh, no, you're not.

Oh, she touched my arm.

I didn't see him.

I got a sprinkler suit.

No, I've had me for... I have just put some on and put some on.

Shh.

Hmm.

Ooh. We definitely should have got that benching cord.

This is not the time, Will.

Baby, would you sit down?

You are making me nervous.

How do you want me to sit down?

Brianna is pregnant.

Sit down.

Oh, now I can't sit down.

I bet it was Jamal. Mm -hmm.

Coming over our house all the time, talking about he's there to study.

Well, Brianna and Jamal are just friends. Yeah, well, obviously too

Okay, would you sit down? You're making me nervous.

That little girl's going to have to grow up way too fast.

So will we.

Here she is.

Paula, how is she? Why are you asking her? I'm standing right here. Don't be

rude.

Thank you.

Well, come on, baby. What does it say?

I'm not pregnant. She's not pregnant.

You're not pregnant.

Okay, wait.

Brianna, but the pregnancy test. Test? The test?

With Simone.

Simone? Yeah.

Why didn't you tell us the test with Simone?

Maybe because you didn't ask me.

Okay, you let us come all the way out here knowing that you weren't pregnant?

tried to tell you, but... And spent all this time worrying about you. Then

you're doing it again.

You're not listening to me.

Huh?

You always... assume the worst and accuse me of not listening.

But sometimes y 'all need to listen too.

Brianna, we do listen to you. No, you don't.

I tried to tell you that I wasn't pregnant and you didn't believe me.

You're right.

You know what? You're right.

We didn't believe you and obviously we should have.

We're sorry, Bri.

Look.

Obviously, we need to do a better job communicating because we can't just

We need to learn how to listen, too.

Wait, where are you going?

I'm going to go convince Simona to talk to her parents.

I got you guys to listen to me, and she needs her folks to listen to her.

Look, woman, we gonna get you your money. Just don't go in this living room

don't call boo -boo.

Boo -rah.

Girl, you don't work for the president.

Brown, what's going on? I thought this was a party.

Yeah, and all the wings are gone.

And we don't have any more press.

Don't you say nothing about this. Get this.

Hey, is this the entertainment?

Well, yes, I am. Except that these two are trying to stiff me out of my money.

Uh, how much is the donation?

$200.

We can get that.

Yeah, we can easily get that.

If I miss heaven, because it is, if I miss heaven. If you don't get into

it's because of the dress code.

This young lady is going to perform for Colonel Jackson's party. Yes.

And we need a love offering of our...

$200. It's everyone's religion.

Don't do it. She only take devil dollars. Leave her alone.

Let her share a God -given talent.

That ain't all she's sharing that God giveth her.

Yeah, if the meatballs don't kill you, this will.

Young lady, we have $197.

All right. Wait, wait, wait. She's my guest.

I'm going to put something on it. There you go.

Make that $197 and... 50 cents.

Here, young lady, take this here.

What?

The floor is yours.

Hold up, wait a minute. What now, Brown?

Let me put some prayer in it.

Okay, everybody grab hands and let's pray.

Come on, pray.

You get in the middle, you sinner.

Okay, bow your heads.

Oh, sweet baby Jesus that died on the cross for our sins.

We thank that you forgive us for our sins.

We thank you for forgiving us when we could have just died in our sins and you

forgave us.

We even thank you for people that are praying with their eyes open.

And we ask that you would just help us.

Help us, everybody.

Help us. What is going on in here?

Oops.

Lord, I didn't know you was going to help us like this, but this will do.

I thought you weren't planning on a bachelor party. Well, I didn't plan it.

Brown did. I just came for the meatball.

Yeah, right.

I didn't plan it. Derek did.

So you're just going to blame me?

Yeah, you're younger than I am. You're a heel quicker.

I thought she wasn't coming back until tomorrow.

We spent all our shopping money.

Hop on hooters, woman.

I'm the entertainment.

Yeah, she's getting ready to perform.

Do I need to pray one more time? No, no, no.

Oh, forgive me. I went and accidentally hired one of them...

He sends back.

You have a beautiful voice.

Yes. What's she do?

Beautiful what?

Spirit. Spirit.

Beautiful spirit.

I just haven't sang that song in so many years. You couldn't tell?

We have a church home for you if you're willing to join.

Well, thank you. I'll think about that.

You know what? Why are you looking?

Let me give this back to the church for a donation.

Oh, thank you. God bless you, doll. God bless you. Oh, you're so sweet. I don't

care what they say about you. You know what? You get you some... They'll get

two meatballs.

You know what? You take you three.

Come on, Colonel. I got a little private bachelor party for you.

Oh, wow.

Can't wait.

Colonel, good luck at the petting zoo.

You already got your hat. Now you got your horse.

simple. If you divide three into 65, you get 28.

There should have been a lot more meatballs.

Everybody was supposed to get two. Colonel, you got an extra one and a

for that rock water you call your fiance.

Bro, this is ridiculous. I'm talking.

As we can all see, there's just two left.

What's the point of this?

The point is, there is a thief in the temple. Take your hat off.

Everybody get up and get out now.

Oh, I'll get my pistol.