Original subtitles

Hey, morning, sweetheart. Hey, baby.

Hey,

you know, I'm sorry about last night.

Baby, nothing happened.

That's what I'm sorry about.

Okay, well, who could concentrate with a guy yelling for Miss Edna?

You know, Edna, the hardest thing happened last night. I got up to go to

bathroom, and I came back and found this man laying in my bed.

That's what happened to him. He never got to see my new teddy.

Miss Edna.

Was it nice?

Oh, not as nice as your new black negligee.

How do you know about my new black negligee?

It was hanging in your closet.

Miss Edna, what are you doing in my closet?

Just looking for some fresh ideas.

Okay, Will, we need to talk.

About what?

It's private.

All right, carry on.

Ooh, coffee.

Oh.

Mm, it's good, but I like mine black.

Colonel, we'd like to be alone, please.

Well, why are you here in the common area?

Every area is common in this house.

That's you. You didn't pay your speeding ticket.

What speeding ticket?

That one right there.

You opened my mail?

It's my mailbox.

So technically, it's my mail.

Oh, and Sasha, you need to start taking your fiber because where it on the

street is, you haven't been feeling regular.

Can Will and I get any privacy in this house?

Huh? Huh? Not really.

No, no, no, Uncle Brown, that's my orange juice.

I don't see no names on it.

Think again.

Hey, Sasha, you forgot your panties in the dryer.

These aren't mine. What the?

Wait, aren't these?

Nasty.

Nephew, them your panties.

Look, they're not panties. They're swim trunks.

Boy, you swimming at the strip club.

Hey, Colonel.

Oh, hey, Sasha.

Look, I'm sorry if I was short with you this morning.

Oh, no problem at all. Look, I get like that when I don't get my fiber.

Colonel, that's not what I was trying... Never mind.

Hey, Sasha, your hair look nice.

Colonel, you like it?

Yeah. Oh, I thought I would try something different, you know? So how

pay for that weed?

Colonel, who told you about my hair?

I'm going to give you a hint.

She can outfox Foxy Brown.

Miss Edna!

You didn't hear it from me.

Miss Edna, who told you about my hair?

Oh, Sasha, you know good girls don't kiss and tell.

But since I'm not a good girl, what the heck?

I had a date last night with a man who supplies cleaning products for bumping

girls to love.

Okay, and who told him?

Not me.

I do my own hand.

Cora. Cora. Huh? Did you tell anyone that I got ext... extension?

No, I would never do nothing like that. I knew you wouldn't, Cora. Girl, the

only person I told was my hairstylist.

But you know, that girl's good. She can keep a secret. I told a couple of choir

directors. I told a couple of teachers.

Oh, I told the cable guy.

Cora!

Stomach is empty now.

Colonel, what you doing?

I'm curing cancer.

What do you look like I'm doing, Brown? I'm making a sandwich.

Well, I'm going to make me one, too. I want some mustard. Well, good luck.

out of bread.

You used the last two pieces of bread?

Nope, last three.

I'm making a triple -decker.

Out of triple -decker? Hey.

Colonel. Oh, Colonel, look, look, look, look. What?

Sucker.

Hey, give me that. Quit, quit. Now, I've killed men for less. Oh.

What was that?

You can't fool me, G .I., bro.

Finders keepers, losers get a half a sandwich.

Oh, there it goes again.

Hey, it's a mouse.

What? A mouse? Colonel, it's a mouse. Where are you?

He just went up under the fridge, Brown.

Okay, Colonel, you got to catch him, because if they find out it's a mouse in

here, they're going to call the health department. Brown, what do you want me

do about it?

Here, Colonel, give him your half of the sandwich.

I already lost half a sandwich to a rat.

Okay, Colonel.

not the time to be selfish.

Just get the rat.

Brown, look, all we got to do is move the fridge, smack him on the head. Now

we'll either kill him or mess him up so bad he'll have to move out.

Okay, Colonel, let's smother Katie.

Just put him out. Come over here and help me move this fridge. I'm scared.

I'll help you. Just help me. Okay, ready? One, two, three, push.

You're not pushing, Colonel, push.

Sandwich. This will go good while I watch my stories.

Hey, that's Colonel's part of the sandwich.

You know what?

After we get rid of this mouse, we're going to try to figure out how we can

rid of Aetna, too.

Come on, man. Who took my last protein bar?

Was that the last one?

Colonel, you know how much these cost?

Mm -hmm. $2 .99 a piece.

But next time, get the one with the almond butter.

Oh, hey, Sasha.

Hey, listen.

I heard you talking on the phone that you had gained a little weight.

Hey, hang in there. You're going to be all right.

Just get the pot out.

You heard that?

They know about our love life. They read our mail.

And now they... even know when I'm regular?

Baby, I wish these people would just get out of my hair.

I know.

I heard about Weave Gate, too, baby.

Why didn't you tell me?

Well, all you had to do was ask Cora.

Everywhere I go, somebody is in our business.

Baby, we're gonna have to find a place where we can be alone.

Have you tried the porch?

Don't nobody ever go on the front porch. Go out there.

That's what I'm talking about.

Mr. Brown, this conversation doesn't concern you. Everything in my house?

concerns me oh i like your new look what is that that's got to be numbers two mr

brown uncle brown uh my wife and i are trying to talk go ahead you can say

whatever you need to say i'm not even paying attention to sasha saying we need

someone to just get out of that business and leave us alone all right baby i am

done okay i can't take this anymore suit you did

Nephew, if she take a fiver, she won't have such a nasty attitude.

Wow.

We need you to back off.

Sasha and I are really getting sick of everybody being in our face.

Now, look here, nephew. I told you when you got out of medical school, you can

come stay here till you made some more money. Now, what else you want? You get

free valet parking. You got satellite TV with all the channels.

All things which we pay our fair share rent for.

But... We're entitled to some privacy, too.

You do have privacy when you're in the shower.

Except for that one time when you and Sasha was taking a shower. I didn't know

both of y 'all was in there in the shower.

By the way, did you get the mold checked on your back? I'm tired of this place,

too. Why? Now, if you have your own room, what you complaining for? No, we

just need our own room, Uncle Brown. We need our own space. Get your tone down.

I'm still your uncle. Yes, sir. I will whoop you, and I don't mind. whooping

you. Now straighten it up and say it again.

We're moving.

Oh, now, if you don't do that, you're not mad.

You don't have to move.

Well, move then.

Okay, don't move.

room it's got washer and dryer hookups in the kitchen it's oh wow and look at

the size of that pool that's what i'm talking about mr brown you need to talk

them i ain't talking to them shh be quiet our tenants need their privacy

you really think this is necessary cora look we're gonna miss everyone but it's

time we don't want you to go

with strangers sitting beside the pool rather than living here with their

family.

Yeah, I'm hurt.

See?

It's gonna be so much easier once we're out of here.

Oh, no, Will.

Okay, look at that. That means that the kids will have to go to different

schools. Oh, but they can still come here after school. No, no, no. Maybe you

can put them in private school. Then everybody can have their privacy.

And for... I don't know.

That's really going to be possible because from this location, kids are

have to take two buses to get back here.

Well, she's going to miss you guys.

Curran, don't cry over them. Let them go. Don't cry.

Dry your face.

How are we going to do this?

I don't know.

But we'll figure it out.

We might have to get a second car, though. Yeah, you'll get a second car.

for you to drive and one for y 'all to live in.

You said I'm moving first, then move.

Baby, it's not just about the car, okay?

One of us is going to have to make sure that we're around after school.

Well, I don't know about that.

I don't know if it can be me. I can't make that commitment.

My schedule's too unpredictable.

Okay, and I can't leave early because I just got the promotion.

Maybe it's a good time for the kids to start being left alone for a little

every day. I mean, when I was a kid, I was left alone all the time.

Nephew, you was alone so much because all the other kids were scared of you

because your head was so big.

And your mama used to drink so much the other parents wouldn't let them kids

come around them because they scared your mom was going to beat them up.

I heard you had to hear this while we was mad at each other, but I felt you

to know.

That's why I told you so.

And I'm out.

Okay, baby, we could leave him alone, but is that a good idea?

Okay.

Wait a minute.

This whole privacy issues thing was your idea. Now you sound like you're

changing your mind.

Baby, look, I still want our privacy.

But maybe in the midst of all this excitement, we forgot about what was

the kids.

Well, whatever we decide to do, I'm going to make sure we make the best

for this family.

Are you ready for the game?

Let's catch it.

Yeah, I'm ready, Brown. I found a hole over here.

What'd you see?

I see a love seat, a stereo, and a picture of Minnie Mouse over the

Really?

Talkers in there taunting me.

What the... What are you wearing?

Oh, this is my Leroy Brown mouse buster outfit.

I made it myself, you like? I'm gonna make you one, Colonel.

What's that on your back?

Oh, this is the Mouse Buster 3000 vacuum.

See, what I do is I take this part and I stick it in the hole and suck him out.

Like that.

And then we take him outside and let him go.

Well, why don't we just kill him?

Well, I guess that'll last longer.

What else you got?

Something that every mouse wants.

A girlfriend.

Right there. Bam.

Well, Brown, what if he is a she?

Well, Colonel, then they would be... Never mind.

Right here. Bam.

Cheese. Every rat like cheese.

Now, what you going to do with the cheese, Brown?

I'm going to spread it in the hole, Colonel, and then we're going to lure

out, and you're going to get him.

Okay, so step to the side, Colonel.

Now, watch my back, in case any of these homeboys try to jump me.

They got their mouth games. You got to watch them.

Oh, this don't... Well, there we go, Colonel. Check in there and see what you

see now. I bet you I got him.

All right.

Get you something. Hit him with the flashlight.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

You got it? Yeah. What are you doing? What are you doing? You're making

Chris. I'm writing you a thank you note.

What are you two doing?

Oh. Oh, um.

We. Uh, Brown lost something. Yeah. Yeah, I lost something. Yeah.

Well, he can't find his mind behind that fridge.

No, I lost my keys. Keys. Keys. Yeah, he lost keys.

Oh, well, I'll help you find them. No, no, no, no.

We got it. We can do it. I was just trying to help.

Well, why don't you go on back up to your cave and hang upside down until you

fall asleep?

Bye, you ungrateful troll.

Ah! A mouse! A mouse! Get it! Break yourself!

Break yourself!

Break yourself!

He's just standing there staring at me with them little beady eyes.

It's like he's looking in the mirror. Break yourself!

Turner, I've tucked it back. Get it! Break yourself!

It's only a fake. It's a fake.

That thing smell like my perfume.

Yeah, Brown. Why does it smell like Etna's perfume?

I guess because game recognize game.

Yeah.

Mouse, you hear me?

Come from under there now.

I know that. No, that's a rat.

You're an Uncle Brown. Oh, yes, he is. I'm looking for my keys.

All right, well, let me help you. No, no, no, I can find them myself.

No, no, it's all right. No, no, I got it. Shouldn't you be looking for your

place when you move and gone with the strange people that don't care nothing

you and all these people that's been cherishing you all your life? Shouldn't

be doing that?

Well, yeah, I guess so. Okay, well, do that then.

Go on, but people love you around here and you want to be away from us.

You know, Uncle Brown, you, uh, Losing your keys like this reminds me of when

you used to do it at my house when I was little.

Nephew, I didn't lose my keys.

Your mama used to get drunk and steal my car.

Really? Yes.

Used to always be stealing something. She'd get drunk, nephew.

Well, uh...

It was kind of cool the way you used to come to my baseball practices every

Saturday. Yeah, yeah. I used to carry you to them. I didn't care how I had to

get you there. I'd put you on my back, and we'd just go.

Boy,

you was a chunky little thing.

I had to support my nephew, my favorite nephew.

Yeah, wow. Yeah, you was my favorite. You were like a father to me, so.

Yeah, you were like a nephew to me.

So, what did you say your keys look like again?

Oh, brown, fuzzy, with a long pink tail.

Yes, that's what it is.

Yes, let me know if you find it.

Okay. I'm going to go up here and, you know, call these realtors back so we can

set somebody's appointment.

Have you found a place already?

Not exactly, but, you know, we're getting close. I'm narrowing it down.

No need to rush. You don't have to rush. You can...

Take your time. Do it right. Because Cora don't want you to go.

Well, Sasha and the kids, you know, they... I think they might miss Cora,

Yeah, yeah. We got to keep the women happy. Yeah. Yeah. You know what they

If the woman not happy, ain't nobody happy. Nobody happy.

So Cora don't want you to leave. So you don't have to go because Cora don't want

you to go.

Okay. All right, nephew.

You go ahead.

Uh...

Uncle Brown, you know, we might be able to hold off moving for a little while.

Well, yeah. Well, I guess I don't need to drink your orange juice and use up

your soap and use your other stuff that I be using, your new cologne that you

bought. I use some of that, too. Yeah, I know, Uncle Brown, and I'm sure you

still... And I put water in it, nephew. That's why I smell so weak.

Nephew, and I wore a pair of your underwear because mine was all dirty.

It's okay, though. I washed them right after I... I got through wearing them on

the second time.

Now, nephew, you know you're not going to get no more privacy.

Yeah, I know. But it's all right. There's, you know, there's other stuff

makes staying here worth the while.

Yeah, yeah. You going to stay? You staying, nephew?

Oh, I mean, you know, if Sasha wants to. If Cora wants you to.

I'm going to ask Cora. Okay.

I'm glad Cora don't want Sasha to go.

That's you. Uh -huh. That's you.

That's you. That's you.

What is it? I just told you. Grab his feet. You

could have grabbed both his feet like that, and we would have had it. But you

didn't want to grab his feet. Did they just be infested all over?

What happened to this place?

Sasha, you're not going to. We was looking for my keys. Wallet.

I mean, my wallet.

in my keys.

Well, my keys was in my wallet, yeah. And it was in the kitchen and it just

in here to the living room and I probably can't find it. I was just

make a sandwich.

Colonel, you better not break. I was minding my own business until this clown

drove me into his madness.

Colonel, we had a deal. Say your serial number and your rank. That's all.

There's a mouse in this house and Brown can't catch him. You ain't no Colonel.

You weak. You weak.

You weak.

That's because my Uncle Brown can't catch a cold butt naked in Siberia.

Well, Will, that's a lot harder than you think.

Sasha, don't let them tell you. Look, that thing was big.

He was about this big. I'm telling you, he eat cats.

That thing, that thing ain't gonna raise no cats again.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is going on in here?

It looks like a tornado hit this place. No, Carver, it's an earthquake. Don't

you still feel it? No.

in the kitchen, me and Colonel.

And you should have seen him, Corporal. It was a big old... Oh, it's the master!

Oh,

come

on, come on.

It's just a little old thing.

It's not real, it's fake.

I saw this thing in the kitchen earlier. It looked real, doesn't it?

But why is it moving?

Why is what moving? The rat. Miss Anna, the mouse is moving.

Yes, and it's moving.

It's moving. Get it!

Get it!

Get it! Get it! Get it out!

Mr. Brown, what did you do, Miss Anna? I got rid of two pests at the same time.

I'm telling you, I got you set up and everything.