Original subtitles

401K is down.

The stock market done crashed again.

I hope they had airbags.

Mr. Edna, you look so good.

Thank you.

Oh, yes, you look good enough to get your own apartment.

Do it today.

And when I do, they won't allow pets, so I'll miss you.

Like I'm going to miss them hairs on your chin.

Look at you, little missy. Look at old Foxy. Look at you. I do?

Yeah, you do. Oh, I just have a friend coming over.

Oh, you got a date, huh?

No, Pablo is just coming over to study.

Pablo?

I tell you what, y 'all just better be studying. You better not be trying no

Pablo nookie nookie.

It's not like that. He's just my friend.

That's what my dear said about me.

Punch me in the face and she was pregnant.

Just don't get punched in the face.

I'm going to go do my hair.

I'll tell you what, if he a teenager and he looking at your hair, something else

is wrong with him.

He like playing dolls.

And where you going to look like you going to a banquet or something?

I'm waiting for my boyfriend. He's coming to pick me up for a date.

You talking about Cornelius?

Girl, that man so old, I... I bet you his Social Security number is two.

Listen, bro.

Dating an older man makes it okay for me to, uh, admit I'm over 30.

Well, shoes, I can admit you over 30. You passed over it 40 years ago.

Look, there's Cordelia. No, no, no, I'll get the door.

You go get the walker. See, you don't need... Like, I got... Good evening.

Shut up! Look at this!

Is Edna home?

Edna? Yes.

You're right here, but Edna don't date young boys.

She needs somebody real, real, real old.

Come back when you turn 95.

May I help you?

Yes. I'm Bright.

Cordelia's his nephew.

He's not really feeling too well today, so he asked me to come by and take you

to the theater.

Oh, what happened? He broke the date because he fooled around and broke his

And I hope you don't mind.

No, no, she don't mind.

One thing she don't mind, as long as you got a pulse and a credit card, she

don't mind.

Credit card, pulse.

Pulse on out of here. Don't be jealous just because you don't have either one.

got credit.

My credit score is 42.

Hey, young man, make sure you get a senior citizen discount.

That's right, Antarctica.

Good job, Pablo.

What is the hottest?

Our head cheerleader, Jenna Martinez.

She's also the dumbest.

I was joking.

It's in Libya, where the temperatures get... hot.

Really hot.

Sasha.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Sasha.

Oh, what a gentleman.

Nice to meet you too, Pablo.

So what are you kids up to, huh?

Us kids are studying for a midterm exam.

Okay, just give me a minute and I will leave you two alone.

Your foster mom?

She's young enough to be your sister.

Thank you.

Pablo, that is just so sweet of you to say. You know, I've been using this new,

like, youthful rejuvenation cream and it's, like, really giving me this, like,

uplifted, you know... Sasha!

Sasha!

have to study.

Oh, study, yeah. I'm sorry, guys. Look, I'll just get out of your way and leave

you two alone.

Actually, uh, I gotta get going.

Can I come back sometime?

Yes.

I mean, if you want, share, swing by, whatever.

Stop by anytime, Pablo.

Really? Mm -hmm. Yeah, you're always welcome here.

Great. Well, uh, see you soon.

Um, uh, I'll call you.

I mean, you call me, because you're the boy.

Or text me, instant message me, anything.

That's only if you want, though. Okay? Bye.

Pablo seems nice.

He's okay.

Girl, you a lie.

Looks to me like somebody's got a crush.

You really think he likes me?

Brianna, honey, you are beautiful, smart.

What's not to like?

You're right.

What's not to like?

She picked it up and started to drink it, and it was fish grease. She thought

was iced tea.

It was so funny.

No.

Oh, I had a great time tonight.

Me too. I cannot tell you the last time I laughed.

Well,

it was a good time because of you.

And my uncle is a very, very lucky man.

Oh, why would you say that?

Well, he is your boyfriend.

Boyfriend? Yeah.

Who told you that?

Wait, so you and my uncle are not dating?

Heavens, no. We're just good friends.

Okay, well, in that case, can I have the pleasure of taking you to breakfast

tomorrow?

Tomorrow? Yes, tomorrow.

Well, now, let's see what my schedule is.

Please.

Well, I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but you have

got to slow your robot.

I'll pick you up at 10 a .m., all right?

Be ready.

And if I'm not ready?

Well, then you leave me no choice but to kick the door in, break into your room,

and take you by force. Oh, you better be ashamed of yourself.

But if you're serious, I'll leave the door unlocked.

Okay, I'll see you later.

Good night.

must be familiar.

Edna, I can't wait to see you again.

Oh, my love, Cordelius.

Cordelius. Oh, no, Edna, the old man died.

No! No!

He sent them.

He was your boyfriend.

I never said he was my boyfriend.

You were lying.

You remember, you were standing right over here. And you had on your little

banquet outfit, the one you looked like you was going to church. And you said,

I'm waiting for my boyfriend.

He's coming to get me.

Remember you said that?

Wait a minute.

You're trying to get rid of the old man so you can get your powers on that young

boy.

is a man, all man, masculine, strong, and domineering.

That boy sound like Madea.

You better get him checked.

Best place now.

I'm telling you, Edna, a woman your age ain't got no business dating young boys.

I'm telling you. Number one, we're not dating.

Number two, who cares?

Nobody says anything when an older man dates a younger woman.

Nobody but the old man's wife.

Touche. God bless you. Gesundheit.

Give me a cold.

Good morning. Good morning.

Who got your flowers?

The roses.

They're not mine. They're Rihanna's.

What? Who'd want to give me roses?

Remember that boy that you studied with last night?

Pablo? Pablo, right.

I've never gotten roses before.

Let's go.

Um,

um, may I help you?

Hi, I'm Pablo.

Oh, yes, Pablo.

We've met before.

We did?

Hi. Hey, how you doing?

I love the roses.

Oh, that's, uh, that's cool.

That's all you're going to say?

Is your foster mom around?

Why do you want to know where Sasha... I get it.

Okay, um, no, Sasha's not around. She doesn't get off work till 6, so we're

alone.

Yeah, we, uh, we are.

Brianna, did you eat my chicken sandwich?

I had extra mayonnaise on it. Better not be... I got it.

I'm not exactly alone.

You know what? I actually forgot something at the house. I gotta go.

Okay. I'll see you soon.

Hurry back, okay?

Okay.

Oh, God.

Hi. Mr. Brown, I'm going for my run.

Oh, Pablo, come in.

Look, Brianna had to run an errand, so I'm going to be back in a minute. She'll

be, like, two seconds.

Thanks. All right. So, uh, you run.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe I got to keep in shape.

You're doing a good job.

You know what? I read this thing in the magazine about this, like, three -gallon

water jog kind of thing. I mean, I don't have hands to carry all that water.

I'm doing it again.

Okay, look, Brianna will be back in a minute, and I got to go. Actually, I was

hoping Brianna wouldn't be here. Why?

I came to see you.

For what?

Sasha, you're a really beautiful woman.

Oh, okay.

Pablo, yeah, you need to call me Mrs. Brown.

Yes, ma 'am. Okay, that's better.

Mrs. Brown sounds way hotter. No!

No, man, no hotness.

Sorry.

Okay, Pablo, I thought that you liked Brianna.

I do like Brianna, as a friend.

It's just that girls my age are so immature.

I've always been attracted to older women, like yourself.

Who you calling old? Look.

Okay, Pablo, you need to go.

Now.

Just please don't tell Brianna what just happened between us. Don't tell Brianna

what?

Brianna, I had no idea.

Is that why you were coming on to him?

Brianna, what are you talking about?

Why are you dressed like that?

In my running suit.

Yeah, go running after Pablo.

Okay, that's enough, Brianna.

I leave for a minute and you try to step to Pablo?

Step to Pablo?

What kind of mess is that? Look, you need to stop.

You started it.

Listen, little girl.

Haven't you seen that man that I am married to?

Yes, I've seen him. Okay, you have the perfect husband and I don't have

Brianna. No, no, you're 15.

You're not supposed to have anybody.

Okay, where are you going?

I need to go for a walk. No, you don't.

You need to march that tail upstairs and cool off.

Now.

This must be some Bryce.

Forever Bryce.

More like it.

Edna, I done told you time and time again, you too old to be dating them

boys. I may be too old to change people's view on who I should be dating,

I'm also too old to have people dictate on how I should live my life.

You got that?

Just the part about, I may be too old to dictate.

Shut up.

Shut up.

I'm trying to help you. You're going to wind up... Shut up.

You're going to wind up in jail.

Then you be locked up.

Tell him you're 15, I'll get you 20.

Leave the young men alone. Get you something old.

Shut up, Ricky.

My, look at you.

She done went international on that. You got to stop this. This boy, he's not

even out of diapers.

How old are you?

17. 17?

you know she'll be snatching them right up off the playground.

Go get in here for the neighbor. See you. Hurry up.

Hey, Sister Santa Rose.

Yeah, everything is good over here. Everything legal.

Yeah, I'll bring your vacuum back.

And who are you?

Mr. Brown, who are you?

Are you her husband?

Boy, I started to palpitate your chicks.

No, I wouldn't marry that floozy.

You calling her a floozy? Oh.

to do something.

Okay, I tell you what, you need to calm down. Even floozies call her floozy now.

Well,

I started to punch you so hard I'd upset your backbone.

I'd paralyze your stomach. You don't know who I am. I'm a negro ninja.

I know a move that'll kill you in two, three seconds.

Three, two, one.

Oh, you trying to act bad, huh? You want to be... Watch him, Sasha. I got

something for you. Be here when I... Be here when I get back. Be here when I get

back.

Did you hear what he just said about you? Pablo, what are you doing here?

I told you to leave.

You don't understand how I feel about you. Dude, you just met me yesterday.

ain't got no feelings. But I can't stop thinking about you. Okay, well, you need

to try, okay? And you need to step.

That's right. You need to bounce.

Rihanna, I... You know what?

I asked you over here, and you hit on my foster mom. That's messed up.

So what you need to do is kick rocks now.

But... And when you see me at school, just keep walking.

Please. Okay?

Thank you. See ya.

I'm sorry that happened, Brianna.

I'm sorry, too.

Seems like I'm not gonna have a boyfriend with you around.

Now, you know that's ridiculous.

I'm just gonna go shoot some hoops. Brianna, wait!

Miss Edna, that's nice.

Nice? Oh, come on. I gotta have it going on now.

I know.

How about I wear that top that got me banned from church? You remember that

Oh, come on.

Brianna's a good girl. She'll calm down.

I know, Miss Edna. You're right.

Thank you.

Oh, hey. How about that leather bustier, huh?

Why aren't you dressed?

What's the matter?

You lied to me.

I did not.

I told you I never belonged to hotmamahoochie .com. I don't even own a

bustier.

You told me that you and my uncle were just friends.

Well, we are just friends.

Yeah, well, my uncle is in love with you, and he was going to ask you to

him.

He was?

Why, we're better friends than I thought.

Not anymore.

Because both of us, are done with you.

Oh, come on, Ray.

We're just getting to know one another. Stand up to him.

Woman, are you high?

If I do that, the old man will take me out of his will.

And he's worth millions.

Millions?

That's right.

See you.

No, wait.

Wait, you can call me in 10 years. I'll still be in my 30s.

Oh, Edna, Edna, is there no shame in the pimping game?

You just a shame.

And what you got on?

Where'd you get this outfit from?

What is all of this? What are you doing?

Where'd you get this from? From Tommy Bad Figure?

No, no, maybe Calvin Declined. I got another.

Uh, Whacked Fifth Avenue.

How about Lame Brian?

Oh, wait a minute. Victoria, you should have kept it a secret.

mean things that I said to you earlier?

I was just really upset because Pablo liked you more than he liked me.

And, I mean, you're so old.

Brianna, you know those mean things that you were saying earlier?

Yeah, well, that was another one of them.

Yeah, whatever. I mean, so what? Big deal. Wasn't his type. It's his loss.

Right? That's right, Brianna. Big deal.

Now, honey, you told me you were going to be outside shooting hoops. Where did

you go? It's almost nine.

Yeah, I went to the library. I was studying with a friend.

Justin.

I know I should have called, but he walked me home, so it's okay.

Is he here?

Yeah, he's outside. I want you to meet him.

Wait, wait, wait. Are you sure?

Yeah. What are the chances he'll like old women, too?

Oh, was that one of those memes? Yes.

Yes. I'm sorry.

Okay. Why don't we go outside and meet your friend?

Okay. All right?

Too bad things didn't work out with you and Cordelia.

Oh, that ship has sailed.

Now, Miss Edna, you don't think that his nephew was just a little too young for

you?

Me? Okay.

All right. All right.

But you do know what they call an older woman that sees a younger man, right?

Know what?

A cougar.

A cougar? A cougar, baby.

Oh, a cougar.

I'm a cougar and a cheetah.

Okay, watch that.

Watch yourself.

Do something else.

Hey!

Is that the end?

My great -great -great -great -grandson, Cordelia, told me that you would date

old men.