Original subtitles

Help! Help!

Mr. Brown!

Mr.

Brown, sit down!

What is it? My knee, I hit it on the line more.

I think I got a disease. It's spreading.

I hope it ain't gangrene. Please!

No, Mr. Brown. It's just zero derma. Oh, I done lost. I got zero derma.

I know I had a disease.

My dear gave this to me. I knew she gave it with her nasty self.

I can't even walk on the lift.

I can't make it.

Look, it's already gone. Look.

Just sit down.

It's already been fell out.

I can't make it.

Sit down.

Tell Cora I love her.

This is it.

I'm not going to make it through the night. Mr. Brown. Mr.

Brown.

Daryl Durma means you ass. Man, you just need some lotion and lots

of it.

Good morning, troops.

Good morning, Colonel.

Well, I'm glad I won't have to listen to your yammering for a while, Brown. I'm

taking a vacation.

Well, good for you, Colonel.

Taking a vacation from what?

You don't do nothing but sit around here and lie about old wash stores and pass

gas. My old unit is getting together in Hawaii.

You can't afford to go to no Cincinnati.

I'm meeting with my accountant, and we're going to liquidate some of my

What? You better be careful. That sounds like it hurt.

I don't want nobody to liquidate my assets.

It's going to be so great for you to catch up with some of your old Navy

buddies. Shh, girl. So you're trying to get us killed. You know he sell shop?

He was in the Marines.

Yeah, he's a court.

That's the court, you... Idiot.

I'm trying to help you, you dummy.

Where's the butter?

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, it went all the way to the Supreme Court.

Why would the butter be all the way in the Supreme Court?

Oh, good morning. No, I'm studying for my class.

Cora, you got another substitute teaching job? Yes, I did. Oh,

The principal likes me. He says I have untapped potential.

I tell you what, he better leave it uncapped.

Oh, Mr. Brown.

But you know, I'm really nervous.

Corby, you don't have to be nervous about nothing. You look them kids in the

face and you inspire them.

Inspire them to be great. You say I'm inspiring. I'm a conqueror. I'm a

conqueror. I can conquer. I can conquer. You say I'm great. I'm great. I'm

great. I'm great, great, great. I'm great, great, great.

Kids gonna tear her butt up.

in this world.

What is wrong with you? My accountant stabbed me in the back. Oh, Lord, dial 9

-2 as quick as I can. No, I'm fine.

I guess I can say that about my money. They stabbed your money too, Colonel.

That's terrible.

Colonel, shut up and sit down. I'm sitting down, sir.

Okay, Colonel, calm down and tell us what happened.

Well, I went to see my accountant. Oh, I know, and they took your money, skipped

town, and left you sitting there high and dry with all your...

That's happened to my sister Vera. She went back. Next thing you know... No,

no, no. He was there. He was there. He was sitting in the corner crying like a

little schoolgirl.

Okay, well, did he tell you why he took your money?

No, he just kept begging me not to kill him.

Well, why would he do that?

I'd dangle him out of the window a little bit.

No, no, you can't do that. That's illegal.

It's supposed to be a foolproof investment plan.

But he robbed me.

It's a Ponzi scheme.

Oh, I... I like him on happy days when he do like... Not punsy, punsy.

Oh, you're talking about Richie's friend, the other one. You idiot.

It's called a punsy scheme.

You took my money.

Colonel, look like your happy days are gone.

Don't look like you're going to cut me when you look like that.

Colonel, I'm so sorry.

I'm supposed to live off that money for the rest of my life. Now I got to get a

job like the rest of you civilians.

Okay, well, I'm sure you learned some very valuable skills in the military.

Look, why don't we have a look at the war ads and see what we can find, okay?

Have a seat.

It's okay.

Oh,

here we go.

Here we go.

Okay, so what can you do?

I can kill a man with a banana.

Oh, yeah, I don't see that in the paper.

Uh, what else?

Well, I can survive in a desert for 30 days by drinking my own beer. Never

Can you type?

Can I type? Can you type? Oh, they call me Fast Fingers Freddy.

This is a little confusing because my name ain't Freddy.

Okay, so that's a start. So how many words can you do a minute?

Eight.

Now that's impressive.

That's something. That's, uh, yeah. Okay, let's keep looking.

Uh, here's something.

Okay, it says, uh, security guard Happy Sam's Daycare. Apply in person.

Daycare?

I don't know about that.

I'm not used to being around small children.

Shut up!

I got some ice stuck on my tongue.

I'll be fine.

Okay, all right. All right, students, just continue working. I'm going to

with Principal Hughes, all right?

Good morning. Morning, Ms. Simmons. I've been meaning to stop by to see how

you're doing.

Oh, so far so good.

I really love teaching. I get to mold the students' minds like little lumps of

clay.

Seymour? Seymour?

Your class is the other way.

That's right, son.

Some of their minds actually are like lumps of clay. I know what you mean.

But I enjoy the challenge.

I certainly hope so.

How would you feel about being a full -time teacher?

You mean me teach full -time?

That's usually how it works.

Oh, yes, I would love to.

Well, when do I start?

Oh, you already have. I think your class is waiting for you to come in.

Congratulations. Thank you so much, Principal Hughes.

Angie.

You are 15 minutes late.

Just 15? Shoot, I'm early. Is that a joke?

Remember what I told you about showing up late again? But it wasn't my fault.

This girl tried to show up.

Save it.

You got detention, girl. Man.

After school.

Go inside and find your seat.

You keep your eye on her. She's trouble.

I'm going to slip out of her and I will kick her out of my school for good.

That's been a little harsh, isn't it?

Trust me, it's warranted.

But I think I can handle her. I believe there are no bad children.

You know, Ms. Simmons, I used to believe that too, but Angie is a bad seed.

Getting out of my school would be good for everybody.

You have a good day, Ms. Simmons.

You too.

Those idiots know nothing about security.

Colonel, you didn't get the job at the daycare?

Oh, I got it for 25 minutes.

I had to correct a few infractions, and he fired me.

Infractions? Those kids were running around like wild animals.

Isn't that what kids do at daycare?

Not on my watch.

By the time I finished with them, they were all sitting quietly and facing the

wall.

So they let you go for that?

No. They say I went too far. Too far.

How?

I had to take one down.

A child?

There's no crying in patty cake. No crying.

The center director kept yelling, Oh, let it go.

He's only five.

People in this country are just too soft on crime. Too soft.

Not yet. I got something for you.

What is this?

It's my homework!

I did it!

Uh -oh.

Oh, it feels so good.

Oh, come on, come on, sit down. Sit down here. Come on, sit down. And just put

your head on the desk, all right?

You okay?

I think we should take her to the nurse. No.

You just stay out of this. But I do. I said stay out of this. This young lady

going home and she's expelled.

But I just think. You knew she was drunk and you let her into this class? I was

trying to help her. I don't want to hear it.

One more word about this and you're done here.

Angie. Bye. Out of here.

Nope, that's my dollar. It's my couch.

What are you watching? More episodes of Back to Back to Back to Back to Back to

Back? They done started putting them in the front of each other now.

Well, I'll just be glad when the pizza gets here, because I'm starving.

Oh, no, don't rush.

They say if they deliver it after 30 minutes, it's free. So we got a few more

seconds. We're going to have free pizza tonight.

A second.

Who ordered the barbecue chicken cabbage pizza, fried okra, and two diet sodas?

What are you doing?

I'm hating my life for tips.

Who you work for?

Grandpapa John's Pizza?

NASA wasn't hiring.

You shouldn't feel bad.

Look, this is honest work.

You're right. You're so right. It is. It's honestly embarrassing.

Yes, you should be embarrassed.

Well, I spent my whole life servicing my country, and all I got to show for it

is nothing. You do have something to show for it. Look at you.

A pizza on top of that. You look a mess, Colonel. You look defeated.

You look whooped.

Well, like you've been whooped. Colonel, you're not quitting, are you? No, no,

I'm just changing clothes.

I got to get ready for my second job.

Colonel, I admire you.

You know, a lot of people would have given up when things got tough, but you

just kept on going.

You're right. You sure did, Colonel. You kept right on going and going and going

like these episodes. They're still going and going.

Colonel, you're inspiring me.

Look at you. You are the wind beneath my wings, Colonel.

Colonel, look. Speaking of wings, did you get my wings?

You didn't order wings.

What I ought.

You know what, Colonel?

Maybe until you can get back on your feet, Mr. Brown can let you stay here

free.

Maybe Mr. Brown can't.

Wouldn't this look like a shelter?

Yes.

Well, you look sheltered. And I'm not looking for a handout.

I fought in three wars. I can do it on my own. I still have my dignity.

Yes, you do, Colonel.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a party to host.

No, no, no. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...

Dignity to clown.

Dignity to clown. You don't mess around.

And you still owe me $15 .50 for the pizza.

Stop clowning.

You was late.

to be here what's the big deal i can't get expelled twice did you come to talk

no i just came to get some of my stuff can i ask you a question

see what happened i just had a little too much to

drink no i mean i spoke with some of the teachers about you you were an

excellent student what happened so what are you having problems at home

You need to mind your business. No, no, please. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to

help.

Maybe we can have a conference with your mother.

Good luck with that.

What?

She's been dead for two years now.

Some fool shot her.

And my daddy died when I was little.

I am so sorry. I had no idea.

The dude killed her when she was putting gas in the car.

I was hiding in the back seat.

And the trick part about it is, the fool was aiming for somebody else.

I am so sorry.

It is what it is.

At least now nobody's sweating me about graduating.

So she wanted you to get your education.

Man, she was on me about it. Like, every day.

So she really wanted you to learn.

I did learn.

I learned that sh... stuff happens.

Well, wait, wait. Maybe I can help.

Who's going to hop in your time machine and go back two years?

Come on, Angie. No, that's not what I'm... I didn't think so.

I'm out.

What am I wearing now?

A smile?

What are you wearing?

Oh, you a bad girl.

You might need to be punished.

What?

Well, your voice sounds familiar, too.

Etna?

There you go, Colonel.

Don't ever say I ain't gave you nothing.

You know what? You need to get you one of them signs that say, We'll work for

food. Brown, I'm not in the mood today.

Great news.

You just saved money on your insurance.

No, it's great news for the colonel. What?

Okay, well, I hope you're not going to mind this, but I just got off the phone

with a friend of mine at work, and she said there's an opening at the Veterans

Hospital. Doing what?

Well, basically, you'd be a vocational counselor helping people find jobs. And

the best part is, you'll be working with fellow vets.

Vets? Wait, wait, wait. Colonel don't know nothing about animals.

No, Sasha, I'm not looking for a handout.

Colonel, it's not a handout. It's a job.

And Lord knows you could use a handout.

Welfare, WIC, government assistance.

Well, store it.

Hey, thanks, Sasha.

Well, I guess I'll go upstairs and iron my dress blue.

You go, Colonel. Yeah, it's good to be back. It's good to be back.

Sasha, Sasha.

Did Colonel just say he was about to go iron his blue dress?

No respect.

Yes!

If this is about Angie, that discussion is over.

Did you know that both of her parents are dead? Did you know that her mother

killed at a gas station?

Listen, I'm sorry about that, but that's no excuse for her behavior.

Did you know she was in the back seat of the car when it happened?

You seem determined to help this girl.

Aren't you?

Miss Simmons, I've got a thousand kids here with a thousand different problems.

I got a lot of Angie.

I wish I had the time to give them all special treatment, but I don't. Well, I

have the time.

Mr. Hughes.

You won't let this go, will you?

No, I won't.

You just got this job, and you're willing to take that risk.

Yes, sir, I am.

You're exactly the kind of teacher I need here.

All right, I'll bring her back.

But she's your responsibility.

All right, I'll do it.

I hope you know what you're doing.

I want you to read chapters 8 and 9 for tomorrow, all right? Class is missed.

Thank you.

Hey, hold up. I'm going to talk to Ms. Dennis.

You know, you aren't as useless as I thought.

Oh, I guess that's close to a thank you as I'm going to get.

Something like that.

Hey, I'm going to catch up with you. Meet me at my mom's house.

Your mom?

You told me your mom was dead.

Guess she got better.

Oh, wait a minute. Wait.

Wait just one minute. I put my job on the line and got you back in school and

this is how you repay me? Nobody asked you to. Why did you lie to me like that?

Got me what I wanted.

See you tomorrow, teach.

Oh, this is not over.

We'll see. Yes, we will.

Like now.

Right now.

You sit your behind down right here.

And you're going to type me out a research paper on teenage drinking.

What? I'm not writing no paper. I said now.

Oh, kick it again. Kick it again.

Kick it again. I will kick you. Oh, Jesus.

Jesus.

You want to do this dance again, young lady? I said now.

Park it.

Type me up a paper now, I said.

I run this class.

What you waiting for? Hey!

Your mama dead.

How dare you?

I'm a full -time teacher, baby. I'm earning my pay.

I'm talking about, baby, I'm a full -time teacher.

Oh, five more episodes?

Back to back to back to back.

That's a marathon.

I'm a bad boy.

Something wrong with your brain? Why you hug?

What that mean?

Oh, I'm wearing, what am I wearing?

I'm wearing blue and yellow and green.

I'm touching my chest. What you mean?

infection.