Original subtitles

Ha -ha. What you think, babe?

Wow. I think I finally have proof that Mr. Brown is your uncle.

Fun.

Baby, where you going dressed like that? Can we play some golf with the fella?

What?

Okay, well, have fun.

And, oh, yeah, don't forget that Joaquin gets out of school early today.

And why can't you pick him up?

Because you already agreed to do it.

Okay. How am I supposed to play 18 holes and pick up Joaquin?

Well, maybe you can play nine today, six tomorrow, and four the next day.

Your math is terrible. That's 19 holes.

I hope you don't have to measure any medicine.

No, baby. You see, that's what they call a bonus, okay?

I got you two here. Come here. Come here. Ooh, y 'all got this.

Try this. Look, I found this recipe in my daddy's drawers, and I want y 'all to

try it. Take a taste. Oh, Mr. Brown. I'm good. I'm good.

No, not them kind of drawers.

I'm talking about in his trestle drawer.

Yeah, yeah.

I've been looking for this recipe for years. Mr. Brown, baby, why are you so

excited about some barbecue sauce? You wait till you taste it. Well,

great thought is a Brown family tradition.

Sure enough.

Try it.

Take your dab.

Get your finger in there and get it deep in there.

You're going to like that.

Oh, Mr. Brown.

Oh, my God. Baby, I've never tasted anything like this. It's good, right?

gosh. You can... Nephew, I'm sorry to stay away from the sauce.

Legend has it, this is the reason white men can't jump.

And this is the reason your mom and daddy broke up.

Yeah, what are you talking about?

Oh, nephew, I... I hate to be the bereaver of bad news to you, but this

they say it'll make you slap your mama. And one night, pow, your daddy had took

a little bit too much of it, and it got her intoxicated. Yeah, this'll

intoxicate you with lust. And next thing you know...

Your daddy slapped your mama just like that.

That's why she got them big bags under her eyes looking like a sick raccoon.

Her lips are just so big.

And this mustache.

I say, shave that. She won't shave.

You're talking about my mama, Uncle Brian.

I'm sorry.

That's okay. Y 'all go ahead, nephew. I didn't mean to tell him.

tradition. Yes, I did.

You look like your mama with your mustache. I like that.

All right.

I'm almost ready.

Oh, that's the best barbecue I've ever tasted.

It's all better than sex.

Well, my dear, there's something you ain't doing right.

It is good.

Stop being nasty.

Boy, you people know how to do barbecue.

Oh.

You people.

You brown people.

Brown people.

Oh, hell, you know what I mean.

Colors.

If you keep on talking like that, you're going to be more colorful. You're going

to be black and blue. You've got to watch it. Oh, don't be so sensitive, Mr.

Brown. I'm not being sensitive.

So you really like it? You like everything? It's the best.

Yeah, it's the bomb, Brown. It's the bomb. Oh, I'm glad.

Take the beans. Take the beans. I like it.

This sauce is good.

It's a secret. No, no, Brown, Brown, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.

Indians gave away their secrets, and all they got was a couple of casinos and a

baseball team in Cleveland.

You could put this on the market, make a fortune.

in his grave if I gave away this family secret.

No, I can't do it. Why not, Mr. Brown?

You could be like George Foreman. You know how he made a fortune on those

grills. Or Paul Newman with his salad dressing. Yes. There you go. He could

been my baby daddy.

I don't know about all that. He wanted to be. What do you have to lose, Brown?

You think they'll let me keep my secret?

I'm sure something should be worked out.

Whatever you want. Okay. How about... You think they'll give me my own TV

That's what I always wanted. That'll be good, that brown. I got the name for it.

We can call it Heaven's Kitchen.

You like that? Yeah, I like that.

Boy, my motto could be, our barbecue sauce is sweet like heaven, but it can

hot as hell.

Well,

it's

a three trip to the bathroom and a big warm glass of milk.

But Joaquin is finally asleep.

It's just so sad.

It actually wasn't that bad.

That glass of milk pretty much laid him out.

Well, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about this movie.

It's about this mother who has to pose as a streetwalker to get her daughter

back. So it's a comedy.

I'll just mess with you.

Baby, why do you always watch this stuff that upsets you so much?

It just feels so real, you know?

You mean like this?

I'm sorry.

That's okay. How about that?

Or that?

Oh,

that feels good.

You know what?

It probably feels so good because we haven't had any time alone without any

interruption. Oh, baby, I don't remember the last time.

Well, I think we need to rectify that.

Oh, baby, you gonna rectify it.

Oh, wow.

Rectify, rectify, baby.

Check this out.

Found a cute little bread and breakfast down in Savannah.

Oh, baby, that sounds like fun. Right?

Oh, yeah.

When do you want to go?

Yesterday. Good answer.

I'll call in the morning. Okay. But why should we wait until tomorrow? I mean,

why don't we just do it tonight?

I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I got other plans for you tonight.

Ooh. Ooh.

Yeah, baby.

Daddy gonna put it down.

Put it down, baby. Put it down.

Put what down?

Yeah, buddy, what you doing out of bed?

I think that milk made my stomach hurt. Well, ain't nothing wrong with you. Just

go upstairs and fart.

But I've been farting all day.

Baby, sweetie, come see.

Look, maybe all you need are some crackers to settle that little stomach,

And you know what?

Why don't we give you those crackers upstairs, in bed?

I know he loves to eat in the bed. Will.

Honey, stop, okay? Calm down here. Once you have your snack, would you like

Mommy to come upstairs and lie down with you?

Yes.

I was talking to Joaquin.

Can I sleep in your bed tonight?

No!

Joaquin, don't you want to sleep in your own bed?

Look, sweetheart, it's okay, all right? Now, why don't you go in the kitchen and

get yourself a snack, okay?

All right.

Hey, hey, I thought I was going to sleep with you tonight.

I'm cute, too.

Well, why don't I go in the kitchen and get you a nice little glass of milky

-wilky, too?

Okay.

Can you make it a five -foot -four, sexy, sexy glass of

chocolate milk?

jogging so late for? Oh, man.

I got so much energy, I don't even want to know what to do with it.

So much energy? This late at night, nephew?

Why?

What is wrong?

Oh, I get it. You got a lot of energy.

Hakeem in your bed again, ain't he?

Yes, I know how it is.

What you doing?

Oh, I'm making a list of all... of people I'm gonna disown when I get rich.

Yeah, I got, uh, Miss Kelly on there, Mel, Charlie May, uh, and Etna.

Yeah, and I... I'm Miss Etna. Yeah, I got on there cause she nasty.

Nephew, you know what?

I can't wait till I sell Pop Brown's recipe and I'm rich!

I'm gonna have millions, thousands even.

I'm thinking about getting all my false teeth out and get me just all gold teeth

with a diamond right here.

Just one down, like, bling, bling. Yeah!

I like it like that.

Where do you keep that recipe, Uncle Brian?

My recipe?

I keep it secret in my drawers.

So nobody will find it. I knew you was going to lie.

I know you keep it in your sock.

No, it's not in my sock, nephew.

How do you know?

Because that's where you keep all your valuables. I don't. I don't have nothing

in my sock.

Look at my socks. Ain't nothing in my socks. I don't keep nothing in my socks.

Uncle Brown,

do you remember what it was like before you knew Cora was your daughter?

Well, you know, hard for me to remember because it's like Cora already, she's

always been my daughter.

Yep, it's like when my dear used to work late nights, about 12 midnight when she

went to work. She worked at a strip club.

She dropped Cora off over there for me.

And me and Carl just chill.

Big responsibility, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Madeleine used to be on that pole.

And, you know, she had that pole where that joker, she'd be swaying on the

regular pole like this. That's how big she was.

But that ain't what we was talking about.

Well, kind of.

You know, Joaquin and Brianna are a huge commitment.

Sounds like somebody got a bad case of the doubts to me.

I mean, I don't know. I've been doing a lot of thinking, and what if I'm not a

good father?

What if they don't like me? I mean, hell, what if they grow up and I don't

them?

I mean, this could be a big, big, big mistake.

Nephew. Oh, nephew.

You know, adopting kids are a little bit like eating chitlins.

You just learn to enjoy them and don't worry about where they come from.

Thanks, Uncle Brian. Oh, you're welcome, nephew.

What the? What you got on?

Skunk? With onions?

You got on skunkings? What the? What is that, nephew?

It's the shirt.

You need to go take a shower.

A cold one.

I was playing.

You got to get that boy out of your bed.

Somehow. I'm going to go talk to him.

Nephew, what?

Nephew, what you doing?

Matthew! Hey, what you doing? Matthew!

something wrong no you didn't do anything wrong then what did you do i

anything either sometimes grown -ups just change their mind about things and

they change their minds about wanting us but what if we end up in different

foster homes okay we're not going back to a foster home i'm gonna

take care of us you don't have a job

Don't say anything.

Hey, what are you two doing up so early?

Bree, what's up with the duffel bag?

I have a school project.

That's why we have to get out of here so early.

All right, well, hug, hug, hug, hug.

Mwah, mwah.

I love you two so much.

All right, now go out and you make Mama proud, okay?

Okay,

see you. Bye.

Why did she just say...

That she loved us and then she hugged us.

She's feeling really guilty right now, I'm sure.

Yeah, okay. Let's go, all right?

Okay, now hurry up, everybody. Eat up.

That ought to do it.

That might be too much.

Edna, try this one. Try this one. How many of these do we have today?

I'm trying to recreate Pop Brown's recipe.

Mr. Brown, you remember the story in Exodus about the children of Israel?

How they were starving for 40 years. They was hungry.

They was hungry. They wouldn't even eat this much.

Uncle Brown, mine kind of looks like it tastes good.

Tastes good?

When Leonardo DiCaprio painted the moon of Easter, was it just good?

This sauce has to be great. It can't just be good. What are you talking about

good? Well, Brown, mine tastes like motor oil.

Okay, Colonel, try this. Try this. Try this. You got to try. I put some oregano

in there.

Look at his face, Cobra. That means it's good. He like that. I'll stick to the

Motorola.

I don't know what I didn't get on it, but... Will, anything?

No. But you know what, babe? They're, um... They probably just went to the

after school. They do that sometimes.

Will, I... Nothing to worry about.

Without permission?

No, they wouldn't do that.

Ah, Eureka, Eureka, Eureka.

I did it.

That's Eureka, Mr. Brown, Eureka.

Cora, stop talking nasty in front of your daddy.

Look here, it took me some doing, but I finally recreated Pop Brown's famous

barbecue sauce.

Really? Yes, taste it, Cora, get you a dab of that. Okay. Oh, put your fang in

it.

Yes, you taste your little too.

That's it.

I stuck my foot in this one. I stuck my foot in there. I can taste it? Yes,

taste it. Yeah, I don't care if you slap your mama or whoever this time.

I'm sorry, my brother. You like to choke my liver.

Yeah,

you sit down. You don't get no more sauce.

This is going to make us rich, Cora.

I'm going to go buy me some spinners for my T -Bird.

Yeah, me and you are going to be riding like that.

Cora, hit the switch.

Carver, hit the switch. Hit the switch, Carver. Hit it, Carver. Carver.

Sasha, you there, sir?

Sasha, you want to taste that something? Get your dab at Edgar. No, Mr. Brown,

I'm good. I'm good. No, you ain't good. Mr. Brown, I'm good, okay? It's hard to

get excited when the kids aren't home from school yet.

Oh, they're not?

Is everything okay?

Well, we hope so.

You sure?

You know what's funny, will you?

It's funny how they come up missing right after you say, I'm having doubts

being a dad.

Uncle Brown.

Not helping.

Uh -oh. Hey, Sasha.

I done took my foot out the sauce and put it in my mouth. I'm going to tip out

of church.

You did say that.

Don't be a mess.

Cora, I dashed the sauce on you. You did say that.

Cora, let's go. Put your finger up like you're in church because they mad.

Tip out, Cora. Tip out.

Are you still having doubts?

I was, but not anymore.

Will,

God, I can't believe this.

Baby, what if they overheard you? That's probably why they took off. Baby,

that's, come on, they didn't overhear the conversation. Baby, I can't handle

this anymore. What part of that don't you understand?

It's not that simple. Yes, baby, it is that simple, okay? It ain't that

complicated. Either you want the kids or you don't.

Okay, you know what?

I'm going to go out and look around the neighborhood for them and, uh...

Cool my head at the same time, okay?

You do that.

We'll find him.

Oh, we'd better.

Sasha, you sure you don't want no sauce?

Everything's going to be all right. I'm sure the colonel's going to find it.

You're stressing out, Renata.

Edna, come and taste it. Taste this. Taste this.

Oh, you're going to like this. Brown, brown, if you don't spit that sauce out

my face, you are going to be worried.

Any luck?

No, but I'm going to run over and check the mall.

Kids might be there.

Okay, well, maybe the colonel will turn up something.

Yeah, maybe.

Look, babe.

Hey.

I'm sorry.

Okay, look, you don't have to apologize.

Yes, I do.

Look at me.

When I was out looking for Joaquin and Brianna, I thought about it and I

realized that the problem's not with them, it's about me.

I'm really afraid of being a father, being a good father.

But, baby, you will be. Yeah. But we don't know that.

We don't know that yet. I mean, I might mess up. I might really screw up worse

than I already have.

I don't know what I'd do if something happened to them.

I love Joaquin and Brianna. I know I do.

I don't know what I can do to make them forgive me.

Look who I found.

I told you.

Not on my watch. No man left behind.

Yes, sir, Bob.

I'm a Marine.

I'm a Marine.

I'm a Marine. I'll die a Marine. I found them, and I'll find more out there.

Hey,

you guys here, come sit down for a second.

Where were you? What were you thinking? Where you guys been?

Maybe you shouldn't have said that you didn't want us in the kitchen.

No, Brianna.

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. That's not what I said. At least that's not what I

meant. We do want you. I do want you.

That was just the nervousness and anxiety in me being a new dad.

Okay?

I'm sorry.

We love you.

Give us another chance.

Told you that they loved us.

It just didn't seem like it.

What can I do to make it up to you?

Can I have a car?

Sure. Really? Well, you're the best.

No.

Listen, you two.

We love you. We really do.

But when something's wrong, you have to make sure you come and talk to us.

Running away is definitely not the answer.

I mean, if you had a car, you'd be halfway to Mexico by now.

We were headed south to Canada.