Original subtitles

Was I not born into this realm?

Is not my kingdom here?

Miss Daisy, are you all right?

I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and

stomach of a queen.

Good for you.

I'm ready for my tea.

Oh, I don't have any tea.

But there's coffee in there on the stove. It's waiting for you.

Anyway, have Brown bring it to my chamber.

To your chambers?

There she is.

Brown's such a delightful chap.

So loyal.

I'm thinking of keeping him.

How about I have him to bring you a copy of the Emancipation Proclamation while

we're at it?

I want him to play Hollywood Square all by himself.

He'll be waiting for that tea when hell freezes over.

Okay, why is Miss Daisy waving out the window like she's the Queen of England?

don't know, but half her brain is royalty and the other half is dead like

was supposed to be his garbage disposal.

And the hot water.

Oh, and that means... And the refrigerator.

What do you think she is? Somebody give her some tea. Where is Mr. Brown?

I don't know, but this garbage disposal still ain't working.

And we don't have any hot water.

She knows we have an interview with the handyman in a few minutes. I don't

understand what he could be.

I'll get it. No, I got it. No, no, no, no. I've got a business going on.

1 -900 -EDNA.

Oh, Mr.

Brown.

How many minutes do you want?

Give me this phone, please.

Excuse me.

Mr. Brown, where are you?

Where are you? Kara, I got arrested. I'm in jail.

You're in jail?

Jail?

You're in jail? What did they

arrest you for?

They said I was making terrorist threats.

What? Okay, hold on, hold on.

Uncle Brown, tell us what happened.

because I was smelling off some stuff at the church.

And then the lady asked me, she said, what's in the box? I said, oh, you would

like this because this is the bomb.

Oh, period. You can't say bomb at the airport.

That's just like saying Obama at a McCain rally.

Yeah, I know that now.

It was, y 'all should have seen, it was terrible. They had the hella chapters

and the SWAT team was there. They had them dogs. Them dogs were sniffing my

middle. Oh, all right. Look, Uncle Brown.

are you? Which jail?

I'm in DeKalb County. I'm just so scared they got me in this old ugly orange

suit.

Just hang in there, Mr. Brandon. Y 'all hurry, because I'm starving. I just

ain't got nothing to eat. They just feed me bread and water in here.

Yeah,

I need to order a two -piece with some fries.

And some mayonnaise on the side.

Y 'all hurry.

Come get me. Okay.

And I don't see no women in here.

Well, look, Uncle Brown, I'm going to be down there to get you in a minute, all

right? Don't worry. I'll have you out in no time. Just hold on. Hold on. Yeah,

hold on to everything but your ankles.

Y 'all tell my story like they told Jesus' story.

and I got his cell phone, too. Okay, well, let me make a few phone calls and

what I can do, all right? Okay, and I'm gonna go see if I can find that number

on the lawyer who got my D out of jail, okay?

Oh, you know, that's the interview with the handyman.

I don't have time for this right now. No, no, no, Kara.

We need hot water. Brown's in jail.

Now, are you sure you can handle it? I got it. All right, now. I'm putting it

your hands.

Hello, how you doing, sir?

How you doing? I'm here for the handyman position.

Oh, okay. Come on in. Right over here. Right over here, sir.

Oh, soldier.

Yes, sir.

$600.

Hope you're handy, because you sure is ugly.

Yes, sir. Keep yourself, sir.

What have you done?

Well, my name is Bob Rogers. Rogers?

Mr. Rogers?

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Yes. Yes, I was a maintenance man at the local high school. So you know how to

fix things?

Absolutely, sir. What kind of things?

Windows, doors.

You ever fix the water heater?

Oh, my specialty, sir, yes.

Oh.

No, wait, wait.

Wait a minute. I have some questions I need to ask the mayor.

Don't rush me. Don't rush me.

I need to know a little bit more about your experience.

Your experiences in the war and, you know, in the military.

You okay?

So did I get the job?

Hell no!

Thank you for your heart and your parts. Thank you, sir. Thank you, ma 'am.

Incoming!

And you

want to hire him? Hey, here's the water, Hina.

We need hot water.

I gotta soak my bunions.

Dropped him!

and push up some stuff in their car?

Why nobody didn't come see me and put no money on my books?

You was only gone for two hours, Mr. Brown.

Nephew, you think somebody followed us?

Because that's why I was bent down in the car. I didn't want nobody to see it.

Nephew, what you going to push me up?

I just wrote a check for your bill.

Oh, scary, nephew.

I'm not here, Carter. Tell them I'm not here.

Hello. How you doing?

Hello. I'm here for the handyman position.

Oh, okay. Well, I'm sorry. We won't have to re -guess or do it another time,

okay?

Oh, we still have hot water problems. Yeah, and the garbage disposal is still

clogged up. And the lamp in my room doesn't work.

Yeah, this one even.

You know what? I can go ahead and...

Handyman, I can do it. I can take care of the interview. How much, Handyman?

you doing?

I was just in prison.

Yeah, I just got out of jail. I was doing a hard time.

Okay, let's start first by getting your name.

Jesus. God bless you.

Thank you.

Your name, go ahead.

Jesus. Okay, say it. Okay, say it slow. I can get it. I got it right in there.

Yes. Oh, Lord. You must got the bad. It's in your lung.

Never mind. What is your name?

Jesus.

His name is Jesus, Mr. Brown.

Spell it.

J -E -S -U -S.

Jesus.

You ain't... You... You ain't Jesus.

You trying to come in here. You is blaspheming. You ain't Jesus.

You ain't walked on no water.

What is your mama? You ain't...

Where was you born? Mr. Brown. He was born and swallowed the clothes up. He

don't know none of that. Mr.

Brown, Jesus is Latino. That's how you pronounce his name. I'm Mexican.

Idiot.

Latin lover.

He said he's Mexican.

Is Mexican the same as Latino?

Si, si. Si, you did not call me no sister.

You know, Sissy, I braided that man's hair in jail because I wanted some

Yeah, boy.

Sissy.

Okay, Sissy, you don't understand the regular... Nacho Jalapeno.

No, thank you. I hate it already.

Oh, Cora, how are we supposed to come in and talk if he can't even understand

the alphabet?

Mr. Brown, he can speak English.

Sissy. You call me Sissy one more time. Hey, hey, hey.

can fix anything.

I'm very good with my hands. Oh, good with your hands.

I think maybe, on second thoughts, maybe this job is not quite right for me. Oh,

no. Wait a minute.

Hey, Zeus, I'm sorry. We really need you for this job. I'm sorry.

Can you just fix something for us? Please, can you fix this lamp? How about

lamp? Just show them what you can do.

I need a handyman.

It's so good to be getting some good home cooking again. What good?

Them grilled cheese in there about to scratch my throat up.

Well, it's good to have you home, Mr. Brown. Uh, Cora, my dear told me to tell

you she mad at you.

Mad at me for what?

You ain't brought her no cigarettes.

Well, she needs to stop smoking.

Cora, your mama looks so bad.

Really? Yes.

She done let her beard start growing out, Cora.

Cora, yes, that's what they put on the other side. And what they did, they was

checking her throat, Cora.

Yes, they checked her throat. They thought Medea was, they thought she was

dude.

No, Mr. Grant, don't talk about my mother like that. Well, look at her.

she grow in her bed. She got a big throat, big feet. Big hands.

Cora, your mama is big.

Stop talking about her like that.

And then she go out in there to get braids, Cora.

Cora, your mama, look like a dude.

She walk up in there.

What up, Blair?

I said, look at my baby.

Cora, your mama, she just look ancient.

What is all that noise?

Oh, yeah, yes, yeah. What is going on?

I forgot to tell y 'all. We got somebody coming over. It was this girl. that was

in jail, and she didn't have no money and nowhere to go, and I told her she

could stay here.

What? She was poor.

She didn't have nothing. The Lord led me to her.

What is London Sheridan doing here?

She's dead.

Hi.

Hi, everybody.

Hi. Hey, little buddy.

You're standing in my light. Can you move a little bit? Thank you.

Don't drink and shop.

And also,

I am proud to announce that I will be serving my community service here in the

projects at the Town Meadows Retirement Home.

Uh, that's Brown Meadows, and this ain't no project.

Ew.

Uh, we're gonna have to do something about that name.

Who is this clown?

It's London Sheridan. London who? You know, that brat that's always in the

tabloids and spending all her daddy's money.

I can hear you.

Because I'm still in the room.

Can someone tell me where the powder room is, please?

Yes, it's up there to the left.

Thank you.

I should probably take my purse. No offense, though.

I know you guys are all staring at me right now, but, you know, I'm used to

Carl, why are stockings too little?

Mr. Brown, she can't stay here. That young lady is trouble.

That's right.

Well, I'm just doing what the Lord led me to do. He led me to her. He did not

lead you to her.

Well, if she go, I'm going to have to give our daddy back this nice check that

he gave me for our community service.

What chick?

This chick.

Bam.

Well,

I'm going to go get her room ready.

And I've got a bar of soap she can borrow.

And I'm going to rub her feet.

I'm coming to help.

Where do you think you're going? I'm just going to help out a little bit.

No, we're going outside. You see that chick?

Yes.

Or should I say, what is this?

We've met London, our new house guest.

Well, keep her out of the North Garden.

Or I'll have her beheaded.

Ooh, beheaded. Is that a new designer?

Pardon me.

Yeah, um, you want something to eat?

No. Full food is bad for my complexion.

So why are you doing community service for?

Oh, just another DUI.

But I really learned my lesson this time.

Don't get caught drinking and driving.

Okay, shouldn't you just not drink?

Ew.

Boring.

Well, technically I wasn't drinking and driving because I was drinking before I

was driving.

Uh, hey, Sue.

Finish checking, uh, some stuff.

It's Jesus.

Jesus, Corsus, whatever.

Uh, you fix the garbage?

Yep, it's done. Okay, now I need you to look at the garbage disposal.

Get it fixed for me. Right now?

Right now.

Uh,

Sasha, I'm gonna run to the store and get some light bulbs. You need anything?

Ooh. Um, can you get me some mousse?

Mousse? All they have is ground meat.

I can see if they got moose. I don't know if you eat moose.

London, are you okay?

No. Jesus, get her some water. I can't breathe.

You have asthma?

Um, no, but there's just so much poverty in the air.

Here you are.

Oh, my God, what is this?

special one.

I think I know what the problem is with your garbage disposal.

Oh, what's that?

You don't have one.

So maybe you'd like to start shoving food down the drain.

Excuse me, young man.

Are you busy?

Yes, I was just... Would you come with me? I hear you're good with your hands.

Yes, ma 'am. I will be there as soon as I can finish fixing our garbage

disposal.

I hope she falls asleep.

Laura, what am I to do now?

Mr. Brown, what's going on? What's wrong now? Cara, I got a record.

A record for what?

I've been in prison.

Cara, they're going to give me a parole office and I'm going to have to go down

there and get drug tested.

And they're going to make me go on a little cut.

No, it's not. No, you're right. You should be upset.

You've been out of jail for hours now and you don't even have a photo shoot

lined up?

No endorsements? No press conference?

Your agent sucks.

A holding cell?

Ground you a punk!

When I was a prisoner of war, we tunneled six miles under the meek...

nothing but a spoon and a Billie Holiday album.

Hey, you got to stop saying them poor words. You're about to drown me.

Excuse me, but this is boring.

So I haven't gone this long without having a party.

So the last one in the pool is going to get wet.

No, no, no. I'm going to tell her. I'm going to tell her.

We don't have a pool.

That girl is so stupid she stole a cup of gas money.

She's figured it out.

Anybody got an umbrella?