Original subtitles

Dropkick me!

Dropkick me, Jesus!

I want you to step and dropkick me!

Dropkick me!

Yeah,

come on in, Cara.

Oh, it looks wonderful in here. You're doing a great job.

decorating the place, fixing it up. My daddy would be so proud of me, won't you

think, Carver? Yes, I know he would.

So how'd you learn how to do all this stuff?

I went to the store, Carver, and I picked up the whole DVD box set of This

Hood. This Old Hood?

Yeah. I've never heard of that show. Oh, that's a show on TV.

They teach you how to wire up stuff with duct tape and electric cords and stuff.

Oh, my.

Carver. You know, I went to that store and them people treat me so rude at that

store. I went and I asked that girl, I said, do you have the clap?

The what?

The clap. I told that girl, give me the clap. She said, I ain't got no clap. I

said, you're a liar.

What you need the clap?

She didn't even know she had the clap. She had the clap? Yeah, I gave my dear

the clap for Christmas.

You did?

You want the clap, Carl? No, I don't want the clap.

Carver, you can get the clap. It's easy.

What are you talking about, the clap, Mr. Brown? You have to explain to me.

Carver, you slow.

You've seen it on TV.

Oh, you're talking about the clapper.

That's what I said.

Well, I ain't got time to sit around here and talk to you all day, Carver. My

vision of making this into an old folk home, the Bible say if you build it,

they'll come.

That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to build it. You feel?

Well, Cora, let me get back to work. I got to finish rewiring this house. Wait

minute. You're going to rewire the whole house yourself?

Yes, Cora. I was rewiring this house, and I hit one of them wires on that

and that thing just... Just like that. Just got all in me, Cora.

Boy, I just felt the power of God like the Holy Ghost was in me.

Now, I think you should call an electrician. It'll be safer. Oh, no, no.

Cora, it's just this electric fuse box in the closet here. Okay. I know what

doing. I know how to handle this. Okay.

There you go.

Wait a minute, Mr. Grant. Well, I'm going to get on out of here because

going to need somebody to identify the body after the fire.

What if I move this? What happens?

I told you to stop following me that I'm married.

I'm sorry. You're just so beautiful.

Okay, but aren't you married?

Yeah, but...

You're like the sexiest woman I've ever seen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you gotta go.

Okay.

I know you're married, but, um, would your husband mind if I

wrapped my arms around you like this?

Oh, he might.

I bet you he'd lose his mind if I kissed you, huh?

Like this?

I, I...

Y 'all stop all that. Honeymoon is over.

Quit that.

I'm going to pour some water on y 'all like they've been doing dogs.

How you doing, Uncle Brock? I'm good, nephew.

Nephew. You almost lost your uncle.

What happened?

This will come home. Y 'all hold me. I'm coming.

Y 'all almost lost me. What happened? I was doing the fuse box because, you

know, the lights always be going out. And then I seen a big light and I start

going to the light.

Like this. And we started doing a live concert. And James Brown was doing his

thing. And come up. And I said, oh, Lord. And me and Pearl Bailey did a

Yeah. And then y 'all started doing freaky stuff. And I came back from the

light.

Nephew, just feel me. Don't you feel? Oh, yeah.

Everybody. All right.

I feel better. And I feel like my hair is growing back. Is it?

Yes. Yeah. Definitely. It is. Oh, Lord.

I just feel like I'm shivering all over. Hi, Mr. Brown.

Oh, Sasha, Willie, I'm so glad you're here.

How are you?

Well, as a social worker, they always throw me into a million things, and I

don't know what to do. Down the street at the senior citizen's home is on fire,

and I really need a place for the residents today. Is everybody okay?

Yeah, no, thank God. But do you have any room over at your hospital?

Oh, wow, I'm not sure about that, but... Oh, oh, Mr.

Brown. is about to open up a senior citizen home, so maybe they can stay

Mr. Brown, can you take a few people?

Well, maybe one or two. I'm still working on the place, so... Thank you,

Brown. One or two.

Come on in, everyone.

Well, you had already had them, like I said, yes.

Make yourself at home.

One, two. That's good.

Oh, there's more, Mr. Brown.

What the devil?

You smoke, don't you?

Lord Nelson Mandela.

Yes.

Lord, ain't that that lady from, uh, what's the movie? The Titanic?

Yes, Lord.

George Foreman, look at you.

Lord, look at, uh, okay, now, what y 'all like, a circus?

For the last time, lady, I'm telling you, we

don't have no elevator. This ain't the Waldorf Historica.

Hey, Stella.

You got a minute?

Oh, Lord.

What can Brian do for you?

I need a bed tonight. Which one is your room?

Third room on the left. Why?

I'll see you there. Oh, really?

A man my age shouldn't have to go through nothing like that. Hey,

listen up, Irene.

Before I start to knock, what the...

Now, we're going to have a situation on our hands if I don't use the head in the

next 30 seconds.

Use the what?

Oh, never mind.

I'll just do it in the bushes again.

He is so stupid. I just... Oh, Mr. Brown, we got big problems.

Okay, look, most of these folks don't have their medicines with them, and they

need to get some rest.

What do you want me to do?

You know what else, Mr. Brown?

We need to get these people something to eat.

What?

It's just too much going on. I just need to gather my thoughts. I need to take a

break or something.

Yes.

Hello.

I'm Robin Robinson.

I run the retirement home down the street.

Oh, okay.

How's the fire coming along?

Oh, it's almost out. I do thank you so much for letting my residents stay here

while we wait.

Oh, that's no problem. You know what? They can stay. I'm opening up my own

retirement home. A what?

No, no, no, no, no. You see, these people are my clients. I run a business.

Do you even have a license?

Oh, no, I'm not driving nowhere. I don't need a license.

I'm going to ride my bike.

Look, I am the only facility in this area, and there is no way I'm going to

allow you to compete with me.

My daddy told me from heaven to take care of these old people, and that's

I'm going to do. He is up there with the Lord.

dancing on the devil's head. And what is your daddy doing? What's your daddy

doing?

Okay, look. Really.

I'm not going to argue with you.

Once everything's cleared for us to go inside, I will be back to collect my

residence.

Good day.

Thank you.

Excuse me. I don't want to be rude to a lady. Well, hold this.

Brown Meadows is officially open. Y 'all are welcome, welcome, welcome.

Right. Yes, you're welcome.

Hey, sugar, I just turned your sheets down.

I'm the chocolate on the pillow.

She can't stay. She got to go.

Told you I can't do chocolate. I'm diabetical.

So from now on, we don't clean our teeth in the dishwasher, right?

Yeah. All right.

Woo! Okay, this place is insane.

I know.

Okay, let's get this over with.

Whoa, man!

What are you doing?

In the court, we always started with the hernia check.

Step aside, son.

I want her to check my hernia.

Uh, sir, that won't be necessary. Just have a seat. All we're doing is checking

your breathing and blood pressure. Make sure you didn't inhale any smoke this

afternoon. Oh, smoke, smoke.

I tell you, I said in the hoot in the name.

Covered with napalm head to toe.

Smoked two packs of cigarettes.

Now that was some smoke.

Got a pretty healthy pulse.

And now it's racing.

Sweetheart, can you come here a second?

Hey, babe, what's up?

Now it's racing again.

That's all, sweetie. We just wanted to look at you one more time.

Love you.

You're just fine. Trust me. I understand what you're going through. She does the

same thing to me all the time.

Yeah, son.

You're a lucky boy.

Thank you, sir.

What she need is a man.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, sir, that's my wife.

Uh, Sasha.

Carmen want to talk to you about something. Hey, Sasha.

Wow, everyone's really filling in.

All that's missing is a bingo game.

Oh, Mr.

Brown, I was talking with some people over at City Hall, and you will need to

get a license.

Why everybody keep asking me about a license? I'm not driving nowhere. I

need no license.

I'm riding my bike. If we need to go somewhere, we'll take a bus.

Right.

Well, why don't I get the process started for you? Okay. How many people

accommodate? Oh, we can... I got rooms everywhere. I got room here, room there,

there, room everywhere, room, room.

You remember how Nora put all them people on the ark?

I can get that many people in here. Two by two, let them come.

Oh, and that army man, let him sleep in the garage. He crazy.

I'm a Marine, you maggot. I'll start gouging it.

You don't want to do that.

Mr. Brown, I'm going to get this started, and Sasha, I'm going to call

later. Okay, I'll walk you to the door. You know that Marine guy, he crazy.

Is this the examination room?

I'm ready to be examined.

Yes, ma 'am. I'm the nurse.

That's my husband.

And I'll be doing your exam.

You're married?

Yes, ma 'am.

Are you happily married?

Yes, ma 'am.

In that case, I don't really need an exam. I'm fine.

I'm going to keep both of y 'all.

I'm going to keep you.

And I'm going to keep him.

Because he got them big old ears. I want him to see if he can fly.

Hey, Butterball.

Yeah, store it.

Or bring it over here.

Note to self.

Get rid of them off the island right now.

Oh, y 'all just... Yes.

There he is. Come on, slap the cuffs on him. For the last time, lady, I'm not a

cop.

Although I do like to dress up like one from time to time.

But this isn't about me.

Are you Leroy Brown?

You can see me?

Yeah, I can see you, Mr. Brown.

Oh, me no speak it English.

Yo estoy the license committee.

I understand you're trying to open a senior facility here, is that right?

Yes, yes.

No, no.

All these people are going to need to go back to Miss Robinson's facility, all

right? You're going to have to get certified before you can proceed.

Ha! That's right.

We're shutting you down, Brown.

What do you mean, shutting me down? I just wanted to start a retirement home.

Mr. Brown, you're going to have to get handicapped accessibility.

You're going to have to get more bathrooms.

You're going to have to get a full -time staff. Wait! Go down!

You've got to have a prune juice dispenser.

I'm kidding about the prune juice, folks.

Yeah, but you got to get all those other things. The law is very clear about

that. That's right.

You're going to need all those things.

And since the fire is out, we'll be going.

Come on, everyone. Time to go home. Come on, people, quickly.

Move!

Not you two.

Ah, yes, these two. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You see, this one right here, he

likes to use the bathroom in my rose bushes.

And this one right here.

She left a candle burning amongst her lingerie and was the reason the fire

started in the first place.

They're both evicted.

Ta -da!

Wait! You can't just invite somebody else to somebody else's house.

You.

You need to stay out of my way.

Stop saying words with H.

Got to burn my eyebrows out, girl.

What you been chewing on feet?

can't just invite somebody to somebody else's house and have them to stay. That

man is about to eat me out of the house at home.

Mr. Brown, you wanted some residents, now you have two.

I didn't want them two. Why not them two?

Because he crazy and she nasty.

Nasty? She is nasty, Cora.

Why would you say she's nasty? Because I was coming out of my room and she had

went by the bathroom and Cora, I looked up and she's standing in there just...

I'm out of the door.

Uh -oh.

Boys, bring in my luggage. The heat in here is making my hair absolutely limp.

This is the retirement facility.

Cora, rich lady, watch this, watch this.

This is Brown Meadows. How can I help you?

Who met you, Bree?

I'm Miss Daisy LaRue.

Oh, what up, fool?

The Miss Daisy LaRue of stage and screen.

Kurt, is that one of the ladies from Golden Girls?

I'd like to freshen up. Could you show me to the penthouse?

Penthouse? We want to know. Uh -huh.

I'll show her to the penthouse.

She rich.

The penthouse.

Sweet. Sweet. Up there. Sweet.

Be a good boy, Brown.

And help the bellboys with my luggage.

Oh. But keep your eye on them.

Particularly the black one.

Mr. Branson.

Are you going to take that? Yes, I'm going to take it. She got money.

I'll break her down like a fraction.

Okay, who are you?

We live in the frat house next door.

I think the sprinkles fell off that lady's donut, you know?

Oh, okay. Well, take the luggage on up there.

Hey, uh, black one.

I'm watching you.

You just got out of jail, didn't you?

How many people cornbread you steal?

Boss, I want some cornbread.

I'm about to go buy some old white lady food, some rich white lady food, like

some crumpets or some Captain Crunch head or something.

Mr. Brown, I want to talk to you about this day in the room. We don't know

anything about her. Well, Cora, I just want to keep her.

Mr. Brown, she's not a puppy.

We need to find out more about her. Well, Cora, you don't know anything

them. You're letting them stay.

Well, I... That's right. You don't know their real name. What's their real name?

Exactly. You don't know nothing. If they can stay, she can stay.

She's mine.

Whose is whose?

Miss LaRue was due at my facility and you stole her. Stole? Do you see a

white woman with red hair around here anywhere?

Yes. She's right there.

Oh. Oh, her.

What is all the commotion?

Miss LaRue, I'm Robin Robinson, and the taxi brought you here by mistake. Now,

my facility is just down the street. Why don't you just come along with me? Come

on. No, you don't want to go down there. Got mold and roaches and rats as big as

Brown.

Plus, she's a mean and evil witch.

The only reason why she threw me out is because her husband slept with me.

And he keeps coming back for more.

Well, darling, there's been a change of plan.

I have decided to stay here.

I like these people.

And if you have a problem with that, you can call my agent.

Well, then, I'll just have to call the inspector again.

Oh, I don't think you want to do that.

Out with all the violations at your place.

Oh, please.

Move out of my way, Rambo.

You know if she call the inspector, everybody gonna have to leave.

Yeah, but she won't do that.

Well, if she do, where you gonna go?

I don't know, bro. I don't have no family.

I'm a widower.

You died?

No.

My wife died.

Just like half your brain.

What about you, Miss Edna? You have any family?

Oh, no, sweetie.

And children?

None.

Here I am at 40 years old in this house.

Well, sweetheart, do you think a 65 -year -old woman could look like this?

Use your brain.

Well, you gotta admit, she do look good.

I'm surprised she don't have no kids.

Why would you say that?

Because she nasty.

Father, she is nasty.

Yeah, and I reckon nasty.

You and y 'all are such a nymph of poverty acts.

Y 'all gonna turn brown metals into a swinging club.

Brother, I got to take a shower. I feel violated.

Well, Colonel, I guess we're gonna be one big happy family.

Come here and stab you with this broom.

Oh, you ain't gonna stab nobody with no broom.

I got two knives.

I'll take a bacon sandwich.

You want cheese with that?

No, cheese.

Cheese stopped me up. Well, that's why they got prunes, Brown.

Prunes you stopped me up.

Well, it look like you need an enema.

I got a garden hose out back.