Original subtitles

Hey Jude, how's it going?

Hey Candy, where have you been?

Oh my god, I haven't spoken to you for like so long, right?

Yeah, so much has happened, I have too much to tell you. Yeah, I know, I locked

my phone and shit.

God, how have you been?

Oh, well, you know, same old shit.

So I tried to go to yoga the other day, right? I meet this hipster wannabe LA

gay dude who tells me there's something wrong with my voice.

What? Oh, yeah, God. Apparently I'm, like, all blocked or something. It's,

this psychological thing. It's subtle, but it comes out in my voice.

Oh, my God.

I've known you for so long, and there's no way your voice is, like, blocked or

anything like that. That's just weird.

And it's subtle turn -off, too, by the way. I mean, I really just wanted to

him. And then he comes out with this hippy -dippy shit.

All he had to say is that my voice is sexy or raspy or something. I mean, that

would have been fine.

Yeah, right? Like, what a way to hit on a girl. Just tell her she's

psychologically fucked up.

God. Hang on, I just had a thought.

Maybe he thinks my voice is going to be released when he's fucking me and I am

having the most amazing orgasm of my life.

Oh, I see what you're saying.

It's like you're the tortured, lost little girl and he, like, is going to

release you in bed or something.

Right. Yeah, like some game.

L .A. guys are so weird.

They are so weird.

Hey, I wanted to ask you something.

You're, like, the only person I know that has a legit manager, okay? And I

like, a meeting with a manager on Monday. It's so exciting.

I'm, like, hell nervous about it. But, like, I just don't know to wear.

I mean, what do you think that I should wear?

Is it male or female?

Uh, he's male. His name's Jeffrey Gollins.

All right, well, you're gonna have to fuck him. What?

Well, unfortunately, that's just kind of the way it is.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no.

I... I can't fuck this guy.

Well, no, I have a woman right now, but when I had a guy, yeah, I did.

And I mean, just, if you know, if you want to get all the good castings and

stuff, kind of what's required.

Seriously? I don't know.

Hey, what's the address you're going to meet him at?

Oh, yeah, mm -hmm, definitely.

Yep, that's his residence.

Oh, God.

You know, but just go and wear something innocent and flirty, you know, like

sweet girl on the outside and bad girl on the inside.

No, it's no big deal. It'll be fine.

God, I did not realize how incestuous all this was.

Well, I wouldn't say it's incestuous. I mean, you're, like, not fucking your

uncle. You're kind of fucking a stranger, really.

And it's probably only going to be, like, five minutes. It's going to be,

a two -pump chump. Hit it and quit it, and then it's over.

Right, just, like, get it over with.

Think about it this way, okay? It's like you're putting a down payment on lease

for your career.

I hear what you're saying. It's, like, a cheap option to have a good future

or something.

Exactly.

Gross.

Welcome to Hollywood.