Original subtitles

Forgive me, Graham, but that's damn nonsense and I won't be a party to it.

I'm not angry.

I'm sure that you do.

Right, fine, sure.

Talk to you soon.

What did Graham have in mind?

Press coverage of my returning to work.

Even without a media entourage, I'm not so sure going back to work after only

three weeks is such a hot idea for a lot. I'll take it easy.

You know, I would give you more of an argument if you weren't so restless at

home.

Have I been a lousy patient?

We were very glad to have you.

Cold cuts in the refrigerator for lunch, if you change your mind.

Thank you. Easy does it for a loaf.

Easy does it.

Item seven, assignments and operations.

Lieutenant Bunce is going to be taking a personal day today.

He's going to be on a TV show.

Yeah, he was witness to an accident, and instead of going to court, they're

going to settle it on television. This I got to see.

Bunce is going to be on TV?

Lieutenant's on tell it to the judge.

He says that they're taping today, but it's not going to be on for a couple of

months, I guess. Well, anyway, the point is... Detective Smelker is replacing

the lieutenant at the Campbellman Hardware Stakeout. Marshall and Reaser

the Hubba Hubba Lounge 116 in Jerome.

Mick Belker is at Nicholson's Loan Mart where we got reports they're buying

stolen property.

This is the last personal item.

Captain Farilla is threatening to come back to work today.

All right.

Now, people, people, let's be aware that this is an individual recuperating from

major surgery 21 days ago.

Now, I'm not suggesting that all approaches be cleared through me, but

our heads.

Captain's always had an open -door policy, but let's be bright about not

overusing it. All right, item eight.

Possible new vehicles.

This is one test unit.

is being loaned to the department for trial use.

Well, boy, howdy, anyway. Well, I had assigned it to Ewan Hill, Andy, but

the matter? Is Bobby sick or something? No, he's late for work.

Okay, Hill and Ranko get it for trial operation today.

Now, these trials are going on throughout the department, and assuming

returns are good...

Maybe we'll all have new units on the road by spring.

Stand. Okay, that's it. Stand.

Let's have a safe shift.

Stand. Oh, wait, wait, wait a minute, Lieutenant.

People, poker isn't going to work at my place tonight. I got a little plumbing

problem. Hey,

a cast of coffee.

I pay for refreshments. Come in here to Kibbitz, go to a movie.

Same time, Joseph?

Yeah. Okay, poker at 7 .30 at Joe Coffey's. Now, let's go. Get in the way

there.

You want a good plumbers, Howard?

Well, without tooting my own trumpet, Henry, I must confess that I'm rather

handy at household repairs. I handle all those chores myself.

So that's enough.

You know, I wonder if any research has ever been done on your tribe's extreme

ineptitude in that whole area.

What whole area?

Oh, you know, clean up, paint up, fix up. It's a myth, Howard. Hold as much

water as any other stereotype.

Finally, a pretty little traffic.

We get to test drive a new unit. You shave off your mustache. Yeah.

Hey, Sloppy, the poker game's at my place tonight.

I thought it was Goldblum's. Nah, he's got problems with plumbing.

Peter.

Hey, hey, hey. Will you read my lips?

I'm on personal time.

Norman, this is exactly the kind of attitude why I'm considering taking my

services to Polk Avenue.

Now, I am devoting a double header.

Counterfeit money for stolen weapons. I would like a little positive

reinforcement. Give me your wallet.

Ooh, stocking stuff.

You want me to take the money out?

Yeah.

Here's your inspiration.

Now, come back to me when you got something. I'm late.

The man is a motivational genius.

Yeah, it's your lucky day, Flick, so I'm not popping you, so... So what?

I'm saying, uh, no arrests. Take off. You're out of here.

You're forgetting about something.

And when I see you downtown, you can believe me, there's gonna be more to

about. So, out of here. Get out of here. Hello.

Oh, shit.

He's a real deep thinker, you know? You give him a break and the moron just

stands there, doesn't know... Excuse me, Joe.

Um, Lucy, here's that quarter you asked me for.

Are you sure you can let me have it back by Monday? I've got a car payment

coming through. No problem. I really appreciate the track, too.

Uh,

uh, Mick.

Uh, Mick, Detective Belcher is the one that you want to talk to. Oh,

My name is Elizabeth Myers.

I live at 1110 Carroll Gardens in the back apartment.

Three weeks and four days ago, I was broken into.

and lost my toaster and some other household items. Actually, I'm not

The stuff is in a pawn shop window on Utica and 121st Street. I wrote the name

down. Here, it's... Nicholson's Clown Market.

How did you know that? Well, we know that pawn shop receives stolen

see, so I'm going over there right now to work there to catch the people who

doing it. And what you have to do is make a list. Everything you lost... They

got my electric knife, which I really don't use. I don't cook so much now, now

that I'm alone.

And when I do, you know, my regular knife is just as nice. So you want to

the list aside... They got a radio, which doesn't have any batteries, and

other stuff, but...

It's the toaster oven I miss the most.

You know, in the morning I come into the kitchen. I like to have my rye toast

with melted cheese. Excuse me, Mrs. Mize. I have to go to Nicholson's now.

Do you know how I know that the toaster oven they got there was mine? No, I

don't. How?

I asked him to show it to me.

Here, you give me your hand.

Carraway seeds from my toast.

Bingo. Plus, I recognize it anyway.

You're going to let me know when you make the arrest.

Oh, I'm going to be in touch.

I'm going to wait to hear from you.

Okay.

Shut up, Joe.

What's the matter?

That 50 you borrowed from me for Fabian's shoes and sneaks?

Yeah, what?

Well, I didn't see him wearing them yet.

It was rain on Saturday. We couldn't go shopping. Yeah, did my money go where

Jablonski's money's going?

I don't know what you're saying now. You're making me crazy.

Hey, my man.

What's going on?

Hey!

We got the money you came by. Hey, you don't have to shout it, baby.

Yeah? You know what I'm talking about, Luce.

Where is she? Where's the kid's mother? Joe, let's go back to the unit, please,

right now. You're a pimp. What, are you and her shaking Lucy down now or what?

You ain't gonna find Tracy smashing my face into this wall.

Give me Tracy. Tracy, that's what he calls her.

Now let him go right now, Joe. Let him go!

You wanna find the lady?

I'll take you to the lady.

Come on, just come on.

Seems like Tracy and me are in the middle of something.

Yeah, whatever it is, I'm going to straighten it out right now, pal.

Joe, you know you don't have to. You don't know everything that's going on

Tracy. Hey.

Where you at?

What happened to you?

I cut her with a razor.

And show me your side, too.

Cut her there, too.

That's why she can't work. All right, well, you just listen to me.

Lucy's not going to pay you any more money.

The two of you made an agreement. How is she supposed to take care of herself?

Shut up.

Now, you can get an honest job or not. You can clean up or not. But she's not

paying you any more shakedown money so she can take care of your kid.

It seems to me that we ought to hear from your friend.

Hey, you can hear it from me, okay? Take it easy.

I'm hearing it from both of us.

It's over.

Then what you standing around here for?

Let's get out of here.

Tell me the truth, Franco. You think I look any younger without my mustache?

I cannot think about that right now.

Whoa, sure seems top -heavy.

Yeah, well, I'm feeling kind of bottom -heavy. Do you think you could pull this

unit over, please?

What? Pull it over, Robert.

Wait a minute, what's the matter?

I'm telling you, brother, Mother Nature is calling me, and she's calling me with

a bullhorn. Now pull it over.

See, I warned you about bran muffins in the morning.

Caroline, how can you do this to the man you love?

Happens every time.

this to you, but if you're here on an optional visit, I am here on a command

performance.

Sir, if you have a problem getting started, I'll give you $2 here. I just

second, but I need it now.

I need it now.

Sir, I am a police officer, and you at least owe me the courtesy of answering

me.

All right, I have no choice but to bust in here.

Oh, Lord, this man is expired.

Sir,

I hate to treat your moment of demise like this.

I really do.

But I have to do my duty as I see fit.

One thing, Iffy, remember, you say, to the best of my knowledge and

recollection, that way they don't nail you for perjury.

90 seconds to air.

Shareholds versus ship. Yo.

Okay, now wait until your case is introduced, then move as quickly as you

your position on the set.

Don't look at the camera. Johnny, one note. Excuse me, do we have to sit next

this man? He has threatened my dog's life.

Well, as soon as the people move on to the set, there'll be plenty of room.

I was wondering, since my witness couldn't come, is it fair for him to

Please, Miss Schiff. That ain't how it works, Miss Schiff.

Sir, here, could you please put this on?

What's that for?

I'd say your tie doesn't blind 50 ,000 people.

Blue?

You got no shot, pal.

All right, let it go.

45 seconds.

Hey, don't I know you?

Jerry Weatherspoon, right? You used to work over at Appellate with Judge

Greenberg? I don't think so.

Wait a minute. Something's all coming back to me now.

I see some kind of show and tell at the court lavatory. That was never proved.

Excuse me?

Jerry? Your Honor.

Does the judge know about this, Jer?

Give me a break, will you? I got a nice gig here.

Come on, Les.

Cue the intro.

For the next hour, your living room becomes the courtroom of Harold... Here,

a forum alternative to the legal system, but obeying its rules and procedures,

real people come before a distinguished retired jurist to seek settlement of

real disputes.

Based on Judge Pyle's findings, successful litigants receive appropriate

awards. For the next 60 minutes, you are going to see the law in action.

20 % for me. You will see the actual participants in these real -life dramas.

Go. And you will hear their stories in their own words. Get your hands off me.

And unrehearsed. Don't look at the camera. And you'll know why when you've

exhausted your other remedies, you should demand to tell it to the judge.

First on Judge Pyle's docket, the case of the distracted driver.

No wallet, no ID, no visible marks. Probably a coronary.

Briefcase hooked to his wrist. He must be some kind of courier. If he was a

legit courier, he'd have ID. This guy's wrong. We'll write this up, guys.

I'm not really impressed with that new unit of ours. Let's go.

J .D., I think maybe one of them keys might open that briefcase, sir. Is that

right, Andy, one of these?

Yeah, a little one.

It might open it up. No kidding.

Yeah, and if you open it up, you might find that it contains a...

A great deal of money.

You, uh,

you psychic, Renko, or did you break into the evidence?

Looks like you were pretty busy before you came out and got me, Renko. All

right, now just wait a minute. Now listen to me right now.

Every once in a while, a person has to exercise individual initiative. If you

look at that piece of paper there, you're going to find that it has a phone

number that might be the contact number for this, uh... Uh, is this a fixed bet,

Renko? You already called this number? No, I did not.

Uh -huh.

Hey, J .D., you know the rules, man.

You know, you gotta wait for the coroner's inventory.

Renko's got a point. Okay, this could be big. What hurt is there in dialing a

random number?

Yeah, who's this?

Who am I?

I'm sitting here in Topping's diner. I've been sitting here half the morning.

It's who I am.

No. I'm not waiting here. No way.

How about 1 p .m.? Philly. Philly Steak and Hoagie.

You gonna bring the stuff?

Obviously, it's too big to bring inside.

Right?

All right, I'm going to wait five minutes.

Nobody shows.

I'm gone and school's out.

They're on.

We're in for the buy.

What are they selling?

I don't know. It's just too big to bring into Philly's.

Lieutenant Renko.

Detective Renko.

Convict Renko.

I can't make it make sense to you, Joe.

I guess I was afraid that if it went into court... They'd say I didn't

Fabian.

I told you it didn't make sense. Now I try to explain it to you and you're

calling me crazy.

I'm not calling you crazy.

You're sitting there shaking your head.

Yeah, because I think it's really sad that you don't feel like you have the

right to be happy.

Where'd you get that? And you do deserve it, Luce.

And you don't have to go skunking around being afraid that jerks like that are

going to come along and take it away from you.

I filled out all the Guardian papers, but I just... Let's go file them.

They're at home. They're at the apartment. Yeah, we'll go get them.

2203 on personal time.

2203 copy.

Come here.

Thanks.

No problem.

How about something like this? This is nice. 12 carats nickel packing.

It says Carla. Her name's Phineas. Any engraver can change that.

Where's Gupta at?

Can she try it on?

Sure.

Told you. No deliveries after 3 o 'clock.

Well, the security guard says he wants 500 to open the door for us, Mr. Gupta.

No way.

And forget it. You ain't getting no delivery, man.

Mike? Bring up $250 for my friend, huh? No, the guy says $500.

He'll take $250.

Bring it up under sale?

Do I tell you to bring it up under sale?

Do what I tell you, Mike.

$250.

$250.

I ain't guaranteeing he's going to take this, huh?

Then you ain't going to get your taste either, huh? so sell him on the two and

half.

How's it coming here?

It's coming very good.

She's going to need one more looser.

Mike is going to find the right bracelet for you.

Be in the back. Okay.

Can I help you?

Excuse me a minute.

What are you doing here, Mrs. Wise?

You never called me.

Come here a minute.

Arrest that man right now. He stole my items.

I'll testify to it in court.

I know you will, but see, we gotta get him on a few other things, too.

Will you trust me?

Will you go home? What? Because it's very dangerous in here. That's why I'm

whispering. I'm gonna call you as soon as we get anything.

When? Very soon, dear.

Okay.

I gotta go back and sell some bracelets.

Goodbye. Okay.

Bye.

Hey,

you shouldn't have opened the briefcase prior to the ME's arrival.

B, you're asking me to authorize the use of evidence as buy money. That okay is

supposed to come...

Right. Emotions all around.

I'll be you and Andy on the back row.

Playing club?

Yes. Good.

Lieutenant Salvinacci, line two.

Thanks.

Lucy and I are going to take a couple extra hours.

What's going on today?

You two are loping?

How'd you know?

We're going to be basing rings.

So I left the applications at home, Joe.

I said I knew they were there at home or in my locker. One or the other.

And, Your Honor, I just want to say one thing.

Ever since the accident, I keep having nightmares.

I have now heard from the plaintiff in this case.

Mr. Sherholtz, I understand you brought a witness.

My uncle was with me. Can we have the witness, please?

Now comes Lieutenant Norman Bunce of Metro Police.

Lieutenant Bunce is the uncle of the plaintiff. The judge has ruled on the

admissibility of the following evidence.

Lieutenant, would you tell us what happened on the night in question?

Oh, sure thing.

Uh, well...

Here. Over here.

Lester and I were returning from the Hofbrauhaus on account that they do a

thing there for pre -Lent. I had one beer, maybe, total. That's right.

That's correct. One beer.

So we were proceeding northbound up Portland.

And then, well, basically, Les couldn't see it, of course, because he was paying

attention to his driving.

The defendant, Miss Schiff over there, comes flying at us. No horns, no brakes.

Boom! A rear -ender, and we go dribbling out into the intersection.

In other words, Ms. Schiff seemed to be failing to pay attention.

Oh, yeah. I was too paying attention. His taillights weren't working.

My taillights were working fine, Your Honor. The police said they weren't.

after the accident, after she smashed them.

My fiancé, Roger, saw it. It's in his statement. Your fiancé saw what, Ms.

Schiff? Judge, that statement from the fiancé is a crack.

All right, Lieutenant.

Lieutenant, on what basis are you impeaching the supporting affidavit of

Schiff's fiancée? On a basis, at the time of the accident, the defendant's

fiancée's head was not visible in the other vehicle. And in my opinion, at

time, he probably was engaged in some unnatural sex act.

Cut. Unnatural sex. Yeah, that's why his statement's a pile of bull. He couldn't

see nothing from his angle.

Unnatural sex? Are you crazy? This is an afternoon show. Well, great. That don't

make what he was doing natural.

My mother is going to hear this? My mom is going to hear what he just said?

Five minutes, Your Honor.

Lieutenant.

So, how's the patient?

Well, I was thinking of going in for a half day.

This afternoon.

Thank God I'm not talking from experience, Frank.

That sounds like pushing it.

I'll take it easy.

Hell of a streaky thing, isn't it, Frank?

What? Life.

I mean, now that you've survived, it's pretty obvious this whole shooting

business has only strengthened your hand in terms of career choices.

I guess I'm on a roll.

Whereas my own options keep narrowing.

Whoa. Oh, coffee.

A little too strong?

No, no, it's good. It's fine.

Actually, I think I'll try a little milk.

Here, huh? I'll get it.

The Crime Institute.

Their search committee has decided to hold off on recommending me for that

consultancy. They think I still have exposure on this Keenan mess.

That could throw quite a monkey wrench into a lot of people's future plans.

Not least your own.

What's on your mind, Chief?

You were the chief inquisitor on Kenan.

Those are the findings the search committee is uneasy about. I'm not going

recant. There's no one ringing a bell, Frank. I understand that.

But a letter of explanation.

For their eyes only.

Frank, I'm looking for a place to fall.

I'll detail the panel's findings and I'll give you the letter. You decide

whether to send it.

I hope you remember there are ways and ways of saying the same thing. No

preconditions, Chief.

No preconditions.

Agreed.

So you're thinking about going in later on? If I feel up to it.

Well, don't push it, Frank.

Easy, does it?

I'll take it easy.

How you doing?

I'm the teachers.

I'm bored. How about we just do it?

All right, you can walk. It's not far.

Hey, he comes or I go home.

So you like company, no problem.

You know, if this goes good, maybe we get regular.

So far, I got nothing.

Huh?

What happened this morning? I'm not at fault, you're not at fault. Yeah, yeah,

it's a no -fault state.

Neil, make sure that door don't close.

Yeah, sure, man the doors, Neil.

You've got your truck and the rental's on me.

Yeah, right.

Here's the menu.

There's the main court.

You set a nice table, Mr. DeFetris.

Freeze! Federal Bureau of Investigation!

You're under arrest!

Hold it right there!

Just be cool.

Okay, out!

Please, Dad, don't shoot.

guys are beds?

You're making a mistake. Get out. We'll do the talking. Who are you? These guys

are city cops, sir. We all are. I don't believe this. All right, then. Back off.

You have destroyed a carefully orchestrated and costly federal

Hey, you just did the same thing to us. Hey, J .D. To hell with it. He wants to

get into name calling. Now, we got months involved with this. Hey, come on.

Look, it seems obvious that you must have taken that briefcase from Luar

courier. Could be. Just please tell me that the man is still in your custody.

We don't work like that. You released him. I don't need him. I know where he

I know what he's doing. He picks his nose. I'm the first to hear about it. I

want more, Marr. So do I. Only I'm close. You're not.

Now, uh, I could be open to something. The man is an arms supplier for

international terrorists.

What conceivable reasons could you have for investigating him? Sure.

You feds, you got the corner on major crime, huh? Oh, to hell with this.

so sharp, you find it.

Look, if Moomar could be remanded to my custody within, say, eight hours, I'd be

impressed.

Impressed?

I don't know what that means.

Well, for one thing, you wouldn't have to consider a midlife career change.

He's yours.

Look, you're not going to say unnatural sex, period. Come on, I thought you

people wanted the truth.

Lieutenant, isn't it correct you couldn't actually see in Ms. Schiff's

window level? I mean... Her fiancé could just as easily have been fixing the

Velcro on the vehicle's floor mats.

Are you kidding me?

No, I'm not kidding you. Your prior speculation is inadmissible. Strike it.

That's right. Strike it. Strike it and edit it. Your intent is to impeach Ms.

Schiff's passenger as a witness.

Why don't you just simply say that you didn't see him and therefore he couldn't

have seen you? And get on with the testimony.

All right.

All right.

We're rolling, everybody.

Action. You say Ms.

Schiff's passenger is an unreliable witness to the accident's circumstances.

Lieutenant, how so?

How so?

He was bent over in the front seat.

Heaven only knows what he was doing down there.

Right, Captain, I wouldn't push it.

No, sure, I'll have that on your desk by three.

Okay, then we might see you later, then.

Here's your keys, Lieutenant.

That's fine.

So? I'll give you my guesstimate. That's a two, three -day job, easy.

How much?

$2 ,200, $2 ,500, something like that.

Don't hold me to it. Don't hold you to it? Is that your estimate or what? Once

start rooting around, who knows where that goes?

Great. I don't know who you had up there fooling around, Lieutenant, but if you

want my opinion, someone try to move that fixture back off the wall with a

crowbar.

Previous penalty.

Whoever, they screwed it up real good.

I do not know why in the world you had to come on so strong to that FBI guy, J

.D. I thought I was trying to save our job. Schrenko buys a little time.

Now, how are we going to find, um, what's his name? Moomar.

What are you expecting me to do, Andy, huh? Roll over and die?

Uh -oh, bad news.

What? Leader Forstner, he kissed your pension contributions adios.

No vesting. I am telling you right now, we cannot and will not be fired. As your

PBA rep, I say suspensions.

Possible demotions, probable, but being fired is highly unlikely.

Gentlemen. Hey, Sidney.

Sid. Sid. Sid.

Do you, uh, know any Arab gun dealers?

No. But I do know a tube steak who's trying to pass himself off as an Arab

dealer. You do?

Yeah, his name is Larry, the third -rate counterfeit. I tried to interest Norman

in him this morning, but he was too involved with his television career.

Sid, you are beautiful.

I'm sorry. Great.

Easy.

Okay, that's everything.

You're missing the blue form.

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I can't take this without the blue form.

I'll just bring the blue form in because I have everything. No, it has to all be

together. I'm sorry.

Well, let me just leave this here now with you and I can bring care to this,

'am. You'll have to bring it on. I'll bring it back later. Wait, what's wrong?

What's the matter?

I don't have the blue forms. I guess I left them in my locker.

You're such a jerk.

I forgot, okay, Joe? I forgot.

Can she mail them in?

Regulations require all applications must be presented in a completed form.

Okay, so I'll come back on Monday?

Wait a minute, wait a minute. She has everything else, right?

How long does it take for these papers to get to social services once they

here? What do you mean, how long?

Well, I mean, it takes time to process them, right?

I mean, you're not going to send them over this afternoon.

On average, ten working days.

Well, couldn't you start processing the application?

And we'll mail the document in. I explained to you I can't do that, sir.

Miss, I wouldn't ask you to do this if it wasn't really important.

One other thing. Mail applications are received at another office.

No problem. Look, we'll just address the envelope and we'll make it special

attention to you.

I'm a city employee, too, and I can get mailed to Precinct if I give my badge

number.

She'll have to address it to Mrs. Johnson, municipal employee number 735.

You are an angel, Mrs. Johnson.

Thank you.

And she's got to get it here by no later than Tuesday.

Tuesday. You are official now.

Oh, wait a minute. You've got to pay the cashier.

Window 9.

Thank you.

I've been waiting for almost an hour.

Fellas, you're going to make me nauseous. Are you sure about this guy?

Detective, Muammar is Larry Buckhole.

There's no way his fish to those FBI guys was for real? No. He has no Middle

East arms contact. Larry ran scammed junkets to the Holy Land. He probably

picked up a little Arabic.

Fellas. He was showing these guys counterfeit paper.

He was going to sell any pieces he bought on the street.

And you listen to me, haircut. Our entire careers are riding on this, so

better be right.

Oh, yeah, like we got a choice.

Let's go talk to Muammar.

This guy's living here?

Yeah. Guess he moved out of his car when he struck it rich.

So do you want us to go with him? No, we can handle it. Listen, don't

underestimate this guy.

We should be so lucky.

That's Muammar.

Muammar? Come on. Hey, see that?

That's what we said.

Muammar. Kind of weird for a street punk named Larry. But see, the peepers keep

saying he's buying guns for you. Old shipments of illegal arms from Muammar,

.k .a. pack rat, counterfeiter, scam artist. What scam? Name it. My man, you

have heaved enough crap our way already.

Are you referring to my merchandise?

You should be stealing. Bought it, man. I bought it.

With that funny money you've been running off? That the deal, Larry? Oh,

Deal, deal, deal. Oh, you want to know all about the deal? Okay, I'll tell you

all about it.

He's the one who had the deal. He's the one who had the place, man. It was his

place. That's whose deal it was. Only Jimmy G is gone, man. He's gone upstate.

And, you know, Benji's. Hundreds.

And I used to help him run them off every now and then. That's all I did.

to God.

Only when he went upstate, man, I had run off a couple of loads.

That was my mistake.

That was one of them.

Hey,

what are you guys talking about?

If they realize we slipped them a hummer, they're going to hold us

That's how the feds operate.

If they take a fall, they're not taking it alone. They'll drag us down with

them. Hey, what are you guys talking about? The feds set me up, man. So what

we going to do? I don't know. We're in the soup. You?

What about me?

Rolling. Home stretch, folks.

Judge Piles returned with his verdict.

All rise.

What do you think?

Spend the money.

A finding in this case.

Depends on assessing the likely veracity of the competing versions of the

incidents. We have heard allegations that the defendant, Ms. Schiff, was

inattentive. We have also heard that Mr. Sherholst had been drinking and that

his taillights were not functioning.

While this is a close call...

The court finds a likely preponderance of merit in the contentions of the

defendant, Naomi Schiff. Are you freaking kidding?

This is a joke here, huh? This is ridiculous.

No, no, first of all, you don't let the people say what really happened, and

then your kangaroo threw the vertigo. Keep your mouth shut long enough for him

to say next case. Hey, what happened? She promised you some turn on the floor

mats with her, huh?

You're about to blow your appearance fee, my friend.

Which one of these creeps you related to? We have a finished, folks. We have

corridor follow -up. Oh, jeez, I can't wait. Not you. You are finished.

Great job, Lieutenant.

Oh, yeah. Please, crack wise with me, Jerry, huh? Because it's going to take a

whole lot for me to clean your clock, right?

I don't know what that is. Now, maybe that's those 17 jewels rattling around

there. Gentle with the piece, man. A Rolex ain't indestructible.

Chunk. Six bucks.

That's a $1 ,200 watch in a fine jewelry store.

Scooped in the back.

Tell him I got the rest of his passes on the truck and I'm bringing him in.

Give me the six, man.

Six dollars.

Why

pay

it your mind out of people's business, Mike? Oh, I was just seeing where you

wanted the popcorn makers.

We're closed.

Put your hands up.

What are you doing?

I'll argue with you all, bro. I just do what she says.

Thank you.

I want that toaster oven. The one on the second shelf. Put the gun down, lady.

The hell I will. Put the gun down.

Are you trying to get us killed?

the unsuccessful plaintiff. Excuse me, sir. Do we have your reaction to Judge

Pyle's verdict?

Naturally, I thought it should have gone the other way.

I guess I have to admit the defendant's prettier than I am.

Possibly we haven't seen our last motion for the case yet. Oh, you know, you're

a real moron. You get just what you deserve.

Cut! You shut your damn mouth. Hey, how about I shut your eyes? Get security,

please! Hey, forget it, pal. Don't worry. We're out of here. Come on. Where

we go to pick up your doll? They said they'd mail it to me.

Hey, I don't know if I helped you, kid.

How do you explain that nothing in division files even remotely suggests

your people are involved in investigation of this arms dealer? Not

goes through division, Mr. Sonners.

Are you telling me the investigation is being carried out under your direction?

For the man responsible, you seem totally uninformed.

I won't comment on the actions of my officers until I've heard their

explanation. And when is that going to be?

Soon.

Hey, where you been? Nailed the form.

Mailbox out front has an early pickup.

All right. Anybody bring anything by for the game tonight?

Money. Just money, pal.

I got to go get some beer. You want to come with me? Yeah.

Hey, Joe.

Thanks for everything.

How the hell have you been treating him?

Uh, I got kind of deep toward the day, sir. I couldn't make a real good

impression. Well, it's got to be better than those rattle traps we got on the

road now.

Well, it did seem to be a little top -heavy. We've got to have the report in

tomorrow. Okay, uh, we'll turn it in tomorrow.

You're still on the job by tomorrow.

Lieutenant, Agent Sanders.

Where is he?

You mean, uh, Muammar? That's who he means, Detective.

You want Muammar, we could probably get him for you sometime tonight. You know,

he usually sleeps in his car around Decker and 138. Of course, with all our

coming down after the guy he hired to make the pass at you croaked, he's going

to lay low for a while. But if you really, really want, we could probably

him up for you. What do you mean he sleeps in his car?

Muammar's a low -rent scammer. There's agents on this. Close call him Larry.

Check his sheet. Hey, Neil, what's low rent about a loitering beef? How about

failure to produce satisfactory ideas?

Yes, he produced enough satisfactory ideas for...

Agent Saunders here to believe he was done by a bunch of weapons.

I wish you, Agent Saunders, I could see a serious argument for writing this one

up subject to escape, but you make the call.

Work?

You don't know that, J .D. We don't know what he's going to do.

And do you know what would have happened if he'd written this up?

Well, sir, I don't think he's going to do that.

I'd say it's 80 % certain he'll do nothing. 80 %? 80 % is not that good.

I've lived with worse.

First name.

How long?

Take Mrs.

Mize to see you again.

Sit, barf breath!

I would like my items back.

You want your items back?

Lady, you're lucky I don't arrest you for armed robbery.

Sorry, but you were too slow.

I was slow?

You know, it took me four days to set that bus up.

And I didn't get a cellar. I didn't get a felony.

I didn't even get a TV set. Know what I got?

I got seven cases of popcorn poppers. And you, a person who knows nothing

police work. What do I have to know?

I get robbed and you cops do nothing.

I may not have that long.

I realize that, Sonny, you don't know my condition.

And the one little pleasure I give myself is a toast of cheese in the

He can't use your broiler? He catches fire under the broiler.

Do you want me to burn up too?

Take this to the cop who's doing the inventory.

He will release your toaster oven.

Thank you.

Now, what about my gun?

Bye -bye, Mrs. Myers.

Spell Ger -er -er -er -er -er.

Thank you, Jerry.

Hey, Scorch. What?

Never mind.

Norm, now that you've made your network debut, I figure you're in a magnanimous

mood. I bet you're dying to give me back my foreign currency.

You figure wrong.

And wait.

Wait.

Norm, while you were out going Hollywood, I was providing detectives a

Washington with invaluable information. Don't tell me you solved the Marilyn

Monroe case. It's okay, Norm. The man's rating's triple A right now.

Yeah? Who'd he give you? Nobody.

Nobody? I must be going deaf.

I could have sworn I heard the exotic name Muammar pass from my lips to your

ears. I also distinctly recall a happy smile of relief on your face.

Sid, it gives me great pleasure to award you a check in the amount of the big

triple zero. Now, get along. But Sid's non -information led to a non -arrest,

which really put us on the map with the FBI. Now, Sidney...

Here's 50.

Keep up the good work and keep your mouth shut. This usually wakes me up. Am

hearing this right? We got no bust at all and you're paying that off? What we

got here is a potential bust. We're probably going to nail Muammar tomorrow

passing funny money.

Look, I'm doing this as a professional courtesy, but I think we're establishing

a dangerous precedent here. Thank you. I'm going home to take a nap. When I

up, I bet I'm back in Kansas.

You ain't going to believe this, even if you understand it.

Well, when I was single, I had a spray on the counter plate. Old Joe Coffee,

he's got like a broke hotel up there. Plus, Mr. Home Beautiful has only two

usable chairs.

Come on, two. I was there last week, and I'm sure he had three. Yeah, well, he

broke the third one trying to hit this rat who ran away with the service. Hey,

don't be so hard on Joe. He serves a nice stew. What do you think happened to

the rat? You guys are terrible.

Hey, Andy, you're going to bring the chips and the pretzels? Yes, sir. I'll

you in a couple hours. I'm reimbursing everybody for eats.

Three or four times, back of the door call.

Got another nickel there, ma 'am?

How much more?

Just five.

Look, they don't have any Garcia Vegas. I'm going to try across the street.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

Get it moving, man.

How you doing?

Do you have any Garcia Vegas?

I think you got some back.

Joe, where are you? I think I heard gunshots.

Something happened in the smoke shop.

That thing?

Over there, yeah.

Joe, are you in the smoke shop?

Give me a position.

Possible gunfire in the smoke shop.

I'm in the smoke shop.

Al, smoke shop. Van Buren.

I'm Van Buren.

How long are they going to let him lie there?

Luis, we've got to get everything we can.