Original subtitles

SO, BRAD, I WAS THINKING ABOUT OUR ANNIVERSARY.

OUR ANNIVERSARY'S NOT FOR MONTHS.

YEAH, BUT WHEN YOU ADD THE MONTHS WE WERE BROKEN UP,

IT'S THIS THURSDAY.

OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT!

WELL, I GOTTA RUN TO THE MALL... BY MYSELF.

NO, BABY, NO. I DON'T WANT YOU TO WASTE YOUR WHOLE DAY

RUNNING AROUND THE MALL TRYING TO FIND ME A GIFT.

YOU DON'T? NO!

THAT'S WHY I MADE YOU THIS LIST.

NO--WHAT? WHAT-- WHAT IS THIS?

WELL, I'VE WRITTEN DOWN DIFFERENT GIFTS I'D LIKE FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY.

AND IF YOU DON'T WANNA GO OUT,

I'VE REGISTERED ONLINE AT THESE 3 BOTTOM STORES.

LILY, I--I DON'T NEED THIS, OK?

I'M A GREAT GIFT GIVER.

OF COURSE YOU ARE! HA.

HEY, IT'S THE GEODE I GOT YOU FOR VALENTINE'S DAY!

YES, IT IS.

I GOT YOU THAT ONE FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY! YEAH.

DID YOU KNOW THAT IT TAKES THE EARTH

OVER 4 MILLION YEARS TO MAKE A GEODE?

I KNOW. I READ THE CARD.

PLEASE TAKE THE LIST.

NO, I--I DON'T NEED THE LIST.

I'LL GET YOU SOMETHING GREAT. I PROMISE.

I KNOW YOU WILL, BABY.

HEY, MR. FINNERTY, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? GO AHEAD.

LILY AND MY ANNIVERSARY'S COMING UP,

AND I NEED TO GET HER A GIFT.

JUST WAIT. I'M SURE SHE'LL GIVE YOU A LIST.

NO, NO, I DON'T WANT HER LIST. I WANT TO CHOOSE SOMETHING MYSELF.

WHAT PRICE RANGE ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?

YOU KNOW, LOW TO MID 2 FIGURES.

WELL, YOU CAN'T GO WRONG WITH APPAREL.

THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING. WHAT IF I PRINTED MY PICTURE ON A SWEAT SHIRT?

I'M TALKING ABOUT NICE APPAREL,

LIKE A NIGHTGOWN OR UNDERWEAR.

I COULD PUT MY PICTURE ON SOME UNDERWEAR!

FORGET ABOUT YOUR PICTURE!

GO TO A NICE PLACE, SEE WHAT APPEALS TO YOU.

OK. THANKS, MR. FINNERTY. YOU WANNA GO WITH ME?

LET ME CHECK MY SCHEDULE. NO.

HA HA HA. THAT'S A GOOD ONE. I LIKE THAT.

Sean: STUPID FREAKING GARBAGE CANS!

HI, HONEY. HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

FINE. UNTIL I FOUND OUT WE WERE LIVING IN A POLICE STATE.

FINNERTY.

HEY, O'KEEFE.

HEY, O'KEEFE, YOU EVER GET A LETTER

FROM THE HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION?

I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAD ONE.

YEAH, NEITHER DID I.

"SEAN FINNERTY, PLEASE REMOVE YOUR EMPTY TRASH BINS

"OFF THE SIDEWALK AFTER TRASH COLLECTION.

"THEY ARE DETRACTING FROM THE APPEARANCE OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD?

IF YOU DON'T COMPLY, YOU MAY BE SUBJECT TO A FINE"?

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

NO. IF THEY REALLY CARED ABOUT HOW THE NEIGHBORHOOD LOOKED,

THEY WOULD HAVE MENTIONED YOUR HAIRCUT.

THAT'S FUNNY. HOW'S IT ANYONE ELSE'S BUSINESS

WHAT I DO WITH MY STUPID BINS?

YOU DON'T MESS WITH THESE PEOPLE, FINNERTY.

MY COUSIN'S HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION

COMPLAINED ABOUT HIM NOT CLEANING UP AFTER HIS DOG,

AND HE REFUSED TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

NEXT DAY, THEY FINED HIM 1,000 BUCKS.

COME ON!

SERIOUSLY. AND YOUR GARBAGE CANS

ARE A HELL OF A LOT BIGGER THAN CHIHUAHUA POOP.

BUT HEY, IF YOU WANNA TRY TO FIGHT 'EM,

GO AHEAD. IT'S YOUR FUNERAL.

THEY WANT ME TO MOVE MY STUPID BINS?

I'LL MOVE MY STUPID BINS!

IS THAT WHAT THE HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION WANTS?

THAT LOOKS A LOT BETTER.

WHO THE HELL DO THESE PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE?

INVADING MY PRIVACY, TELLING ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE?

YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S MOVE TO A SOCIETY

WHERE YOU AND YOUR GARBAGE BINS CAN FEEL FREE TO WALK DOWN THE STREET

HAND-IN-HAND AND NOT BE JUDGED!

DID YOU SEE WHO DROPPED THIS OFF?

NO, I DIDN'T. I'M GONNA FIND OUT.

IN ALL THIS TIME YOU SPENT WHINING ABOUT THAT,

YOU COULD HAVE JUST MOVED THE GARBAGE CANS.

OK, I'LL MOVE 'EM, THEN YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GONNA COME BACK IN AND WHINE SOME MORE!

SPECIAL DELIVERY.

OH, BRAD, WHATCHA GOT THERE?

JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR MY LADY ON HER ANNIVERSARY.

OH, THANK YOU! IS IT OFF MY LIST?

NO. I PICKED IT OUT MYSELF.

OH...THAT MEANS SO MUCH MORE.

NO, REALLY. OPEN IT. IT'S GOOD.

OK.

OH, GOD, BRAD!

IT'S BEAUTIFUL!

REALLY?

YES!

IN FACT, WHY DON'T YOU GO DOWNSTAIRS,

AND I WILL MODEL IT FOR YOU?

OH, THAT'S A FANTASTIC IDEA. AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS COLOR,

IT'S ALSO AVAILABLE IN LAVENDER AND NUDE, OK?

YOU MIGHT JUST GET TO SEE WHAT NUDE LOOKS LIKE.

OH, I SAW THAT IN THE STORE,

BUT I LIKE THE PERIWINKLE BETTER.

LITTLE COLD OUT TO BE PAINTING,

DON'T YOU THINK, O'KEEFE?

THE HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION SENT ME A LETTER

SAYING IT WAS AN EYESORE AND IF I DIDN'T HAVE IT PAINTED BY THIS WEEKEND,

THEY WERE GONNA FINE ME.

WELL, I THINK AS SOMEONE WHO LIVES IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD,

THEY HAVE A VALID POINT.

THE FRONT OF YOUR PLACE ALWAYS DID READ A LITTLE NAVAL BASE WHOREHOUSE.

VERY FUNNY, FINNERTY.

YOU'RE A REGULAR RED SKELTON, YOU KNOW THAT?

DAMN IT!

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

THE HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION

IS SAYING MY FENCE IS AN EYESORE.

DON'T LISTEN TO THEM, FINNERTY.

I KNOW A LOT OF CRACK ADDICTS

THAT THINK YOUR HOUSE LOOKS JUST FINE.

HEY, MR. FINNERTY, I WANTED TO THANK YOU

FOR GIVING ME ADVICE ON WOMEN WANTING UNDERWEAR.

HA HA. HEY, I'M GLAD I COULD HELP OUT.

YEAH. LILY'S UPSTAIRS TRYING IT ON RIGHT NOW.

LILY. MY NIECE. YEAH, LILY, YOUR NIECE.

I GOT HER A CAMISOLE THAT'S SMOKIN'.

UH...MY GODDAUGHTER. I CHANGED HER DIAPERS.

YEAH, YEAH, HER. ANYWAY, IT'S GOT SPAGHETTI STRAPS

AND A PLUNGING NECKLINE--

STOP TALKING OR I'LL KILL YOU.

GOTCHA.

ANYWAY, GUESS WHO I SAW AT THE UNDIES STORE?

NICE CHOICE.

AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SAW THE SIGN, BUT IT'S 20% OFF.

OH! COOL! MY DAD'LL BE PSYCHED.

IT--IT'S NOT FOR MY DAD.

I'M JUST USING HIS CREDIT CARD.

IT'S FOR MY GIRLFRIEND.

MY DAD BUYS TIGHTY WHITIES

OUT OF THE BIN AT THE DRUG STORE.

COULD YOU CHECK TO SEE IF YOU HAVE THIS IN PERIWINKLE?

SISTER HELEN?

OH, HELLO, BRAD.

UH...

WHAT ARE YOU... DOING HERE?

BUYING A CAMISOLE.

SERIOUSLY? I MEAN, BECAUSE I THOUGHT--

NUNS WEAR UNDERWEAR, BRAD.

YOU DIDN'T THINK WE WERE ALL JUST GOING COMMANDO

UNDER THESE HABITS, NOW, DID YOU?

IT WAS SO WEIRD!

IT'S ALWAYS WEIRD TO SEE SOMEONE OF THE CLOTH OUT OF CONTEXT.

I ONCE SAW FATHER FLANAGAN

MOONWALK OUT OF PETE'S TAVERN. I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.

HEY, MOM.

HI.

HEY, JIMMY, COAT.

SORRY.

OH, YOU DROPPED SOMETHING.

YEAH, I KNOW. I GOT IT.

WHAT IS THAT?

NOTHING. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

MAN, SOMETHING'S GOING ON WITH HIM.

MAYBE IT'S JUST A BAG.

I DON'T KNOW. LATELY, HE'S BEEN REALLY WITHDRAWN.

THAT'S HIS PERSONALITY.

NO. HE LOCKS HIMSELF UP IN HIS ROOM ALL THE TIME.

THAT'S HIS HOBBY.

THE OTHER NIGHT HE WAS WATCHING TV

AND HE WAS LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY.

MAYBE HE WAS WATCHING A REALLY FUNNY PROGRAM.

IT WAS THE TELETUBBIES.

YOUR KID'S A STONER.

I KNOW.

I GOTTA GO TALK TO HIM, I GUESS.

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE TALKING TO J ABOUT THIS.

WAIT. YOU DON'T KNOW HE'S SMOKING POT.

IT COULD BE A NUMBER OF THINGS.

LIKE WHAT? HE COULD BE DEALING.

LET ME GO TALK TO HIM, ALL RIGHT? I'LL SUSS IT OUT.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY?

TRUST ME. I'VE BEEN ON THE OTHER END

OF THIS CONVERSATION MANY TIMES WITH MY DAD.

YEAH? WHAT'D YOUR DAD SAY?

I DON'T KNOW. I WAS BAKED.

WHY CAN'T THEY LEAVE US ALONE?

WHO THE HELL ARE T ANYWAY?

IF I FIND OUT WHO THEY ARE,

THEY'RE GONNA GET A SERIOUS TALKING-TO.

OOH! A TALKING-TO.

AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, YOU CAN THROW YOUR PANTIES AT 'EM!

WELL, I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET 'EM FROM YOUR MAMA'S HOUSE,

'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE I LEFT 'EM.

HEY, FINNERTY. O'KEEFE.

HEY, MRS. ROBINSON.

IT'S NICE TO FINALLY SEE YOU TWO WORKING ON YOUR HOUSES.

I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK THIS END OF THE BLOCK WAS ABANDONED.

WELL, IT'S NOT 'CAUSE WE WANT TO.

IT'S 'CAUSE THE STUPID HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION TOLD US WE HAVE TO.

YEAH. I JUST GOT ANOTHER NOTE

SAYING I HAD TO TRIM MY HEDGES DOWN TO 4 FEET.

I'M DONE WITH THIS.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S WHAT I'M NOT GONNA DO, O'KEEFE.

I'M NOT GONNA PAINT MY FENCE!

YOU GO, GIRL!

WHAT'S IN THE BAG, JIM?

NOTHING.

IS IT POT?

YES. YEAH. YES. YEAH, IT'S POT.

I'M...I'M BUSTED.

I'M A HUGE POT HEAD.

WHY DOES YOUR WEED HAVE ONIONS ON IT?

IT'S A... OK, IT'S A VEGETARIAN MEATLOAF.

YOU'RE A VEGETARIAN?

YEAH, I STOPPED EATING MEAT LIKE 3 WEEKS AGO.

WHY YOU HIDING THAT FROM YOUR FOLKS?

THEY DON'T HAVE A HISTORY

OF EMBRACING MY PERSONAL CHOICES.

HOWDY, PARTNER!

READY TO MOSEY ON TO SCHOOL?

I RECKON YOU WANT ME TO RUSTLE YOU UP SOME LUNCH.

[STOMPING]

GOT IT. SO... IF YOU'RE NOT SMOKIN' POT,

WHY WERE YOU LAUGHING AT THE TELETUBBIES?

OH...

DIPSY TRIPPED OVER PO AND FELL INTO THE FLOWER GARDEN.

YOUR KID'S NOT A POT HEAD. HE'S A VEGETARIAN.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO. HE HASN'T HAD MEAT FOR 3 WEEKS.

SO WHY WOULDN'T HE JUST TELL US THAT?

APPARENTLY, YOU GUYS HAVEN'T BEEN VERY SUPPORTIVE OF HIS PERSONAL CHOICES.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

COWBOY BOOTS.

OH...

GOD, POOR JIMMY. SO HE THOUGHT HE HAD TO HIDE IT FROM US?

WAIT A SECOND.

WHY WAS HE LAUGHING AT TELETUBBIES?

DIPSY TRIPPED OVER PO.

HEY, DID YOU FIX THE FENCE?

NOPE. AND I'M NOT GOING TO.

SEAN, THAT ASSOCIATION IS GONNA FINE YOU.

LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHAT A CONCERNED GROUP OF CITIZENS

THINKS ABOUT MAKING MY HOUSE LOOK NICER.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I AGREE!

WHAT IF EVERYONE ON THIS BLOCK STARTED MAKING THEIR HOUSE NICER?

PRETTY SOON PROPERTY VALUES WOULD GO UP, IT MIGHT ACTUALLY BE A NICE PLACE TO LIVE.

I SAY WE FIGHT IT. LET'S GO OUT AND BURN A TIRE ON THE FRONT LAWN!

AREN'T YOU THE LEAST BIT UPSET

THAT PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO TELL US WHAT TO DO?

IF IT'S GOOD FOR THE NEIGHBORHOOD...

OK, FINE, I'LL GO PAINT THE FENCE!

BUT THAT'S THE LAST THING I DO TO MAKE THIS HOUSE LOOK NICE!

Lily, sexily: COME ON IN, BRAD.

YOU WANNA SEE THE GIFT YOU GOT ME?

BRING IT ON.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, BRAD?

I--IT'S--O...K.

DO YOU WANT TO TAKE IT OFF ME?

NO!!

WHAT A JERK!

JIMMY, HEY.

HEY, MOM.

SO...LOOK WHAT I'M EATING.

YEAH. A CARROT.

MM-MM. A FREE-RANGE CARROT.

AND NOT A BABY CARROT, EITHER.

THIS CARROT LIVED A FULL LIFE AND WAS PICKED HUMANELY

BY NON-EXPLOITED WORKERS.

THAT'S ALL I KNOW ABOUT THIS CARROT.

OH. WOW. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE SO INTO CARROTS' RIGHTS. COOL.

I--I JUST FIGURED SINCE YOU'RE A VEGETARIAN--

WHAT? UNCLE EDDIE TOLD YOU?!

IT'S OK! LISTEN, IT'S OK. I COMPLETELY SUPPORT YOU.

OH, YEAH. RIGHT.

IT'S GONNA BE LIKE THE COWBOY BOOTS

OR THE TAE-BO OR THE WRIST BANDS.

I FORGOT ABOUT THE WRIST BANDS.

THIS IS DIFFERENT, THOUGH.

THIS IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

YOU'VE DECIDED TO MAKE A LIFESTYLE CHANGE.

THIS FAMILY IS COMPLETELY BEHIND YOU.

IN FACT, I'M COOKING UP SOME VEGETARIAN DINNER RIGHT NOW.

THANKS, MOM.

[SOFTLY] HA HA. WRIST BANDS.

HEY.

HEY, MOM. BRAD DIDN'T HAPPEN TO STOP BY, DID HE?

WHY, YOU GUYS DIDN'T WALK HOME TOGETHER?

NO! HARDLY SEEN HIM AT ALL IN THE LAST 2 DAYS.

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING, MOM.

OK, WHEN YOU AND DADDY WERE DATING,

WAS THERE EVER A TIME WHEN HE DIDN'T...

WANT TO TOUCH YOU?

NO!

OK. WERE THERE EVER LIKE A COUPLE OF DAYS?

NO.

DID AN HOUR EVER GO BY THAT--

NO.

WELL, MAYBE I SHOULD ASK SOMEONE

WHO ISN'T MARRIED TO A RABBIT!

HEY, BABE.

I WANT YOU TO READ THIS LETTER

I WROTE TO THE HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION.

WHY'D YOU WRITE 'EM A LETTER?

I WAS SICK OF ALL THEIR STUPID NOTES.

JUST READ IT OUT LOUD SO I CAN HEAR HOW IT SOUNDS.

"I, CLAUDIA FINNERTY, AM A LYING...SACK OF LIES.

"SIGNED, CLAUDIA FINNERTY. LIAR.

P.S., I'M ALSO CRAZY."

HOW'D YOU FIND OUT?

OH, YOU LEFT A TRAIL.

Sean, voice-over: YOU CAN SHOVE ALL MY GARBAGE BINS

AND MY UNPAINTED FENCE

UP YOUR COLLECTIVE HOMEOWNING ASSES.

SINCERELY, SEAN FINNERTY.

PRINT.

[CLICK, CLICK]

OOPS.

"HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION"?

"O'KEEFE FENCE, ROBINSON MAILBOX, SEAN FRONT LAWN--"

OH, GOD! SHE'S FREAKING NUTS!

YOU'RE FREAKIN' NUTS!

I'M NOT THAT NUTS, OK?

ANY TIME I EVER ASK YOU TO DO ANYTHING AROUND HERE,

YOU SAY, "OH, YEAH, I'LL GET TO IT," AND YOU NEVER GOT TO IT.

SO YOU CREATE THIS FAKE HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION

TO SCARE ME INTO DOING THINGS? HUH? IS THAT IT?

IT DID.

OH, YEAH. OK, BUT THEN YOU THOUGHT,

"I, CLAUDIA FINNERTY, CAN'T STOP THERE!

"NO, I HAVE TO CONTROL THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD THROUGH FEAR!" IS THAT IT?

ALL RIGHT. MAYBE I GOT A LITTLE DRUNK ON POWER.

BUT IT WORKED OUT. I MEAN, LOOK AT OUR BLOCK. IT'S NEVER LOOKED NICER.

I FIGURE WITH A COUPLE MORE NOTES,

I CAN GET O'KEEFE TO PUT UP NEW FLOWER BOXES.

OK, ONE SMALL GLITCH.

THE NEIGHBORS ARE GONNA HANG THE PRESIDENT OF THE HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION

IF SHE SENDS OUT ANY MORE LETTERS!

HE. WHAT?

IF SENDS OUT ANY MORE LETTERS.

THE PRESIDENT OF THE ASSOCIATION IS A MAN.

CHARLES VAN LESSING.

NICE TOUCH. THANK YOU.

OK. NO MORE LETTERS.

I'LL TALK TO HIM.

I'M GOING TO THE DELI. DO WE NEED ANYTHING?

YEAH. SEE IF THEY HAVE MUNG BEANS AND ORGANIC TOFU--THE WET KIND.

OK. SO NO.

HEY, MR. FINNERTY.

HEY, BRAD. WHAT'S UP?

WELL...

I'M STILL HAVING PROBLEMS WITH THE WHOLE...

SISTER HELEN UNDERWEAR THING.

WHAT PROBLEMS?

WELL, NOW WHENEVER I SEE LILY,

I PICTURE SISTER HELEN,

AND IT'S AFFECTING MY ABILITY TO INITIATE LIFTOFF.

DON'T YOU HAVE SOME FRIENDS THAT YOU COULD TALK TO ABOUT THIS?

WELL, THE THING IS WITH MY FRIENDS...

THEIR MISSIONS HAVE ALL BEEN, YOU KNOW, SIMULATED.

IT'S ALL IN YOUR MIND.

WHICH MEANS IT CAN BE TAKEN OUT OF YOUR MIND.

OK. HOW?

IT'S ALL ABOUT FOCUS, ALL RIGHT?

THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO CAN WALK THROUGH WALLS

JUST BY IMAGINING THE SPACE IN BETWEEN THE MOLECULES.

THERE'S SOMEONE WHO CAN WALK THROUGH A WALL?

OF COURSE NOT. IT'S A WALL.

BUT YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO NOT PICTURE YOUR GIRLFRIEND AS A NUN.

ALL RIGHT. OK.

THANKS, MR. FINNERTY. I APPRECIATE IT.

NEXT TIME.

YOU ARE OUTTA CONTROL!

HEY, FINNERTY.

HEY, DAN.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HUH? OH, UH, I-- I WAS AT THE DELI,

AND I WAS TRYING TO PICK UP SOME MUNG BEANS,

AND THEY WERE OUT, SO I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD LEND ME...

A PACK.

NAH. I DON'T EAT THAT CRAP.

IT WREAKS HAVOC ON MY COLON.

CONNIE EATS THAT STUFF, THOUGH.

THE NOISES THAT WOMAN MAKES...

TO BE HONEST, IT'S LIKE SLEEPING NEXT TO A TUGBOAT.

OK, WELL, TAKE CARE.

HOLD ON! DID YOU EVER GET IN TOUCH WITH THE HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION?

OH! YEAH, YEAH. I CALLED THEM AND I STRAIGHTENED EVERYTHING OUT,

SO IT'S ALL GOOD.

OK, BUT IF I GET ANOTHER LETTER,

I'M GONNA BE PUTTING SOMEONE'S PLUMS IN A VICE.

OK.

I CAN EXPLAIN!

YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN, FINNERTY,

BECAUSE YOU'RE THE FREAK WHO'S BEEN SENDING THESE DAMN LETTERS!

NO! I'M TRYING TO PROTECT THE FREAK THAT IS!

WHO IS IT? I WANNA KNOW WHO HE IS! IT'S A SHE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU RATTED ME OUT!

WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? YOU PUT ME IN A TERRIBLE POSITION!

THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD'S GONNA HATE ME!

THEY'RE GONNA HATE ME MORE THAN THE LADY WHO PUT OUT RACCOON FOOD!

IF YOU PROMISE ME THAT YOU WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER

DO ANYTHING THAT CRAZY AGAIN,

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

HOW CAN YOU TAKE CARE OF IT?

JUST PROMISE ME!

FINE. I PROMISE

I'LL NEVER DO ANYTHING THAT CRAZY AGAIN.

NO MORE LETTERS OR TELEGRAMS OR--

YES, I SWEAR. HOW ARE YOU GONNA TAKE CARE OF IT?

IT'S ALREADY BEEN TAKEN CARE OF.

I KNOW IT WAS YOU, YOU FREAK!

GET OFF MY PROPERTY, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

GO AHEAD AND MAKE ME, CRAZY LADY!

OK, I WILL!

HA HA HA HA HA!

OH, CRAP!

HA HA HA HA!

NICE! YOU KNOW, I THINK THERE MIGHT BE A PLACE

FOR A GUY LIKE YOU IN THE HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION.

HA HA. FORGET IT!

COME ON! VAN LESSING'S NOT GONNA LIVE FOREVER, YOU KNOW.

HE'S GOT A BAD TICKER.

JUST FOCUS, BRAD.

YOU CAN WALK THROUGH WALLS.

WOW!

[SLAM]

OH--

BRAD, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

YOU DON'T COME OVER ANYMORE. YOU AVOID ME!

THE ONLY TIME I'VE SEEN YOU IS YESTERDAY

WHEN YOU TRIED TO HOLD SISTER HELEN'S HAND.

WELL, YEAH, THAT'S BECAUSE I THOUGHT--

NEVER MIND.

BRAD, ARE YOU NOT INTO ME ANYMORE?

NO! I AM INTO YOU. IT'S NOTHING, OK?

I PROMISE.

OK. 'CAUSE I MISSED YOU.

I MISSED YOU, TOO.

AAH!

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

AREN'T YOU ATTRACTED TO ME ANYMORE?

WH--OF COURSE I AM!

THEN KISS ME, DAMN IT!

FOCUS, BRAD, FOCUS!

WOW!

IT'S YOU!

WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE?

SISTER HELEN?

WHAT?

LOOK, IT--IT'S A LONG STORY,

BUT--OK--YOUR UNCLE EDDIE SUGGESTED

THAT I GET YOU UNDERWEAR FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY.

BUT AT THE STORE, I SAW SISTER HELEN BUYING THE SAME THING,

SO THEN EVERY TIME I SAW YOU, I THOUGHT OF SISTER HELEN,

WHICH IS WHY I COULDN'T, YOU KNOW, GET IT GOIN'!

MY UNCLE TOLD YOU TO GET ME UNDERWEAR?

YEAH. HE WAS GREAT!

AND WHEN I WAS HAVING... TROUBLE,

HE TOLD ME TO FOCUS AND I DID,

AND HE WAS RIGHT, AND IT'S GREAT!

MY UNCLE KNOWS ABOUT ALL THIS?

YEAH. HE SAID THAT IF YOU CAN PUT SOMEONE IN YOUR MIND,

YOU CAN TAKE 'EM OUT. UH-HUH.

SO NOW THAT I'M OVER MY THING, WANNA MAKE OUT?

COME ON, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

LET'S CELEBRATE OUR ANNIVERSARY.

GET OUT!

WHAT'S WRONG, BABY?!

GO!

CAN'T WE JUST CUDDLE AT LEAST?

OUT!

KIDS, SEAN, DINNER!

THIS CHICKEN'S NOT BAD, CLAUDIA.

ACTUALLY, THAT'S RECONSTITUTED BEAN CURD.

IT'S GOOD. I HAD IT FOR LUNCH, THOUGH.

OK. EVERYTHING HERE IS 100% VEGETARIAN.

WE HAVE CABBAGE SOUP,

WE HAVE SALAD WITH CRUMBLED FAKIN',

AND WE HAVE TOFU PRESSED INTO THE SHAPE OF A DUCK.

WOW. Y-YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

YOU HEARD HIM. LET'S THROW THIS GARBAGE OUT

AND FIRE UP SOME COW FLESH!

DAD, REALLY, I-- I FEEL BAD EVERYONE'S DOING THIS FOR ME.

HEY, WE'RE A FAMILY, OK?

SO WHEN SOMEONE WANTS TO TRY SOMETHING NEW, WE SUPPORT THEM.

BABY, IS THAT BEAT LOAF?

WOW, DAD. I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS.

LOOK, I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO FEEL COMFORTABLE IN THEIR CHOICES.

WHAT?

NOTHING. I WAS JUST...

I WAS WATCHING THE NEWS EARLIER,

AND THEY'RE REALLY CONCERNED BECAUSE APPARENTLY SOMEONE SHOT THE SHERIFF!

YAH, MON! YOU LOOK IRIE!

ONE LOVE, JIM.

NO, JIMMY, WAIT. DON'T GO! COME ON!

DON'T, MY LITTLE BUFFALO SOLDIER!

[JAMAICAN ACCENT] ...ETHIOPIA, MON!