Original subtitles

BABE, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

YOU SAID YOUR FRIEND DAVE WAS COMIN' FOR DINNER. THIS IS DINNER.

SAUSAGE. BABY, WE CAN'T FEED DAVE SAUSAGE.

SEAN, THE MAN LIVED IN A SUBWAY TUNNEL.

HE'LL BE HAPPY TO HAVE A MEAL THAT DOESN'T CRAWL PAST HIM.

OK, HE DIDN'T LIVE IN THE SUBWAY. HE PERFORMED THERE.

AND THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO.

HE'S ABOVE GROUND. HE'S A BIG CELEBRITY NOW.

[CHUCKLING] HE'S A CHILDREN'S HEALTH PERFORMER.

HE'S NOT JUST ANY CHILDREN'S HEALTH PERFORMER.

HE'S J.J. BODYBUDDY.

HE'S GOT A LINE OF EDUCATIONAL BOOKS AND VIDEOS.

SEAN. THE MAN DANCES AROUND IN A SUIT OF INTERNAL ORGANS.

YEAH, HE DOES VERY WELL FOR HIMSELF. DON'T MOCK IT.

I'M NOT MOCKIN'. IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE I'M MOCKING

'CAUSE HE DANCES AROUND IN A SUIT OF INTERNAL ORGANS.

HEY, DAD.

LILY, HI. WHAT ARE... HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

ASK YOUR WIFE.

UH, WIFE, WHAT IS SHE DOING?

LILY KIND OF FOUND OUT WHERE WE'RE PLANNING ON PUTTING THE BABY.

MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?

I WAS LOOKIN' FOR THE CRIB. WELL, THERE IT IS.

HA HA HA HA.

WHY IS THERE A CRIB IN MY ROOM?

OK, LOOK, YOUR DAD AND I WERE JUST THINKING

THAT NEXT YEAR, SINCE YOU'RE GONNA GO TO COLLEGE

AND WE DON'T HAVE ANY EXTRA ROOMS,

WE WOULD USE THIS ROOM AS THE BABY'S ROOM.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT WHEN I COME HOME FROM COLLEGE ON BREAKS?

I'M NOT SHARING MY ROOM WITH A BABY.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH BABIES SCREAM?! DO YOU?!

I HAVE SOME IDEA, YEAH.

UH, YOU KNOW, WE'LL FIGURE SOMETHIN' OUT.

WE'LL SET UP A PLACE FOR YOU IN THE BASEMENT OR SOMETHING.

I'M NOT SLEEPING IN THAT COLD, DAMP, SPIDER-INFESTED PIT.

PUT THE BABY DOWN THERE.

LILY, BE REASONABLE.

OH, YOU JUST LOVE THE BABY, DON'T YA?

SHE'S JUST BEING DRAMATIC.

LIL--LILY...

HEY, LILY, CUT IT OUT!

I'M JUST HELPIN' OUT MOM.

OK, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO CALM DOWN. THIS IS NOT YOUR MOTHER'S FAULT.

OH, I KNOW. THIS NEVER WOULD'VE HAPPENED IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A HORN DOG.

GO TO YOUR ROOM!

I DON'T HAVE ONE!

THEN GO TO THE BABY'S ROOM.

AAH!

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

DAVE.

DAVE! MAN!

HEY, SEAN.

COME HERE.

HEY.

GOD, YOU LOOK GREAT.

OH, THANKS. IT TOOK A LOT OF WORK.

WOW, IT'S SO CRAZY TO THINK OF YOU

AS A CHILDREN'S HEALTH PERFORMER. I MEAN,

BACK IN THE DAY, YOU INVENTED THAT DRINKING GAME

WHERE--WHERE-- WHERE YOU HAD TO DRINK EVERY TIME SOMEONE DRANK.

OH, ED, YOU REMEMBER MY BUDDY DAVE?

YEAH, SEAN'S FRIEND FROM THE SUBWAY.

I'M NOT IN THE SUBWAY ANYMORE.

NO, NO. HE'S A CHILDREN'S PERFORMER NOW.

OH, NO OFFENSE, BUT CHILDREN'S PERFORMERS REALLY FREAK ME OUT.

NO, HE DOES THIS THING WHERE HE WEARS A SPANDEX SUIT

WITH THE ORGANS ON THE OUTSIDE OF IT.

THAT'S NOT HELPING.

COME ON, HAVE A SEAT, MAN.

WELL, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU, SEAN.

I GOTTA SAY, I'M REALLY SURPRISED TO GET YOUR CALL.

OH, GOD, IT'S BEEN TOO LONG. YOU KNOW,

I FIGURED WE SHOULD CATCH UP.

WELL, MY LIFE HAS CHANGED--

I GOTTA ASK YOU A FAVOR.

AND WE NEED A VOLUNTEER

TO HEAD THE FOOD AND BEVERAGE COMMITTEE FOR THE HEALTH FAIR.

SOMEONE WHO HASN'T VOLUNTEERED FOR ANYTHING.

EVER.

I'LL DO THAT, TOO.

THANK YOU, MRS. BENNETT. NOW, I THINK THAT TAKES CARE OF IT.

OK, ANOTHER PRODUCTIVE MEETING, HUH, FOLKS?

WE NEED SOMEONE TO HEAD THE ENTERTAINMENT COMMITTEE.

DON'T WORRY, MR. FINNERTY.

I'M NOT LOOKING TO JEOPARDIZE YOUR STREAK

OF 12 CONSECUTIVE YEARS

OF DOING NOTHING EXTRA TO HELP THIS SCHOOL.

THAT IS VERY UNFAIR,

BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN VERY... BUSY FOR THE LAST 12 YEARS.

THAT'S OK, MR. FINNERTY.

WE'LL JUST HIRE MIRACLES, THE CHRISTIAN MAGICIAN,

LIKE WE DO EVERY YEAR,

AND SOMEHOW, WE'LL ALL GET THROUGH IT.

YOU WON'T HAVE TO, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?

THIS YEAR, I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE ENTERTAINMENT.

HA HA HA HA HA!

SORRY, BUT THE ENTERTAINMENT IS TOO BIG A JOB,

AND NO OFFENSE,

BUT THE FINNERTYS AREN'T KNOWN AS THE "GO-TO" PEOPLE.

NO, YOU'RE MORE KNOWN AS

"THE PLACE WHERE THE PHONE TREE STOPS."

HA HA. YEAH. WHAT IF I TOLD YOU I COULD GET J.J. BODYBUDDY?

DON'T JERK MY BEADS, MR. FINNERTY.

I'M NOT. I'M SERIOUS.

YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN DELIVER

THE MOST SOUGHT-AFTER SCHOLASTIC PERFORMER IN THE NORTHEAST?

SO WILL YOU DO IT?

SURE. WHY NOT? I MEAN, I LOVE KIDS.

Lily: MORE ROOM FOR THE BABY!

YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS OF YOUR OWN, DO YOU?

OH, BABY. [CHUCKLES]

BABY WANNA DO THE FOOT THING?

[CHUCKLES]

SEAN! HUH?

GOD! WHOA!

WHOA!

WHOA.

DON'T DO THE FOOT THING.

OH, MY GOD. WE GOT SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT.

OHH...MY BRAIN FEELS LIKE IT'S COMIN' OUT THROUGH MY EYES.

* POSITIVE POWER PEOPLE

* ARE THE PEOPLE WITH THE POSITIVE POWER *

* WE'VE GOT MILLONS

* OF REASONS TO SMILE OH, PLEASE, LILY!

* LET US SHUT UP!

* INTO YOUR HEART FOR AN HOUR * STOP IT!

I CAN'T!

I'M A POSITIVE POWER PERSON,

AND I HAVE TO SING ABOUT IT.

I'LL GIVE YOU $100 IF YOU'LL BE QUIET.

WELL, DON'T WORRY. YOU WON'T HAVE TO HEAR ME FOR TOO MUCH LONGER

BECAUSE TODAY I WILL BE AUDITIONING

FOR THE POSITIVE POWER PEOPLE,

AND THEN I WILL BE ON TOUR WITH THEM,

AND I'LL BE OUT OF YOUR PRECIOUS BABY'S ROOM!

OK, IF YOU'RE TRYIN' TO DO THIS TO GET BACK AT YOUR MOTHER,

SHE'S NOT AWAKE YET.

THANK YOU.

[LOUDLY] * POSITIVE POWER

* PEOPLE

* ARE THE PEOPLE WITH THE POSITIVE POWER *

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

COME IN!

UH, HI. IS... JIMMY IN?

HOLD ON A SECOND. JIMMY?!

YEAH!

HE'S, UH...HE'S IN-- HE'S IN THE KITCHEN.

I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.

[SIGHS] THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK.

HEY, JIMMY.

CAROLYN. HI.

NICE GLASSES.

UM...YEAH. THEY'RE...

THEY'RE MY GRANDFATHER'S. UM...

HE--HE HAD HORRIBLE EYES, AND, UM, AND-- AND HE WAS POOR.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I WANTED TO SEE IF YOU WANTED TO WALK TO SCHOOL TOGETHER.

OH. YEAH. SURE.

JIMMY, WANT TO GET DRESSED FIRST?

YES! YES.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. I'M GONNA...

JUST TAKE THE CEREAL WITH ME UPSTAIRS.

DAD. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING,

LETTING HER IN THERE LIKE THAT?

LOOK, SO MANY GIRLS COME CALLIN' FOR YOU.

ONE WAS BOUND TO GET THROUGH.

DAD, I LIKE HER. OK?

I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE EMBARRASSED IN FRONT OF HER.

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

HEY, JIMMY, I--I KNOW HE'S YOUR DAD AND I'M JUST YOUR UNCLE,

BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO...SHUT UP.

HEY. HOW YOU FEELIN', SAILOR?

OH, BABY, I'M HURTIN'.

I'M HURTIN'. I'M HURTIN'.

SORRY I SHUT YOU DOWN LAST NIGHT, BABY,

BUT YOU WERE JUST WAY TOO DRUNK.

I WAS ON THE COUCH ALL NIGHT.

NO, YOU WEREN'T. MAN!

WAS THAT A NIGHT OR WHAT?

OH, MAN. I GOTTA GET SOME COFFEE. AHEM!

UHH! I WAS SPOONED BY J.J. BODYBUDDY.

GOD, BABY, WE NEED HIM TO PERFORM AT THE THING,

AND THEN AFTER THAT, I CAN KICK HIS ASS. OK?

HOW CAN HE PERFORM? HE'S STILL WASTED.

I KNOW. I GOTTA SOBER HIM UP.

I GOTTA DO SOMETHIN'. I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.

HOW DID HE GET SO WASTED?

IT WAS NOT MY FAULT.

MMM.

I'LL TAKE THIS ONE TO THE JOHN.

UHH. [SNIFFLES]

I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYBODY DRINK THAT MANY SHOTS.

TRUST ME, HE CAN HANDLE IT. ALL RIGHT?

HE'S A REALLY-- HE'S A HEALTHY GUY.

HEALTHY GUYS CAN DRINK A LOT.

THAT'S RIGHT. WE SHOULD DRINK MORE OFTEN.

THAT'S, LIKE, HIS TENTH TRIP TO THE BATHROOM.

HE'S A HEALTHY GUY. HEALTHY GUYS GO TO THE BATHROOM A LOT.

YEAH. I'VE BEEN THINKIN' ABOUT GOIN' TO THE BATHROOM MORE OFTEN.

HEY!

J.J. BODYBUDDY IN THE HOUSE!

AHHH...

[CHUCKLES] HEY, YEAH,

YOU GOT SOMETHIN' ON YOUR SHIRT.

RIGHT. COME ON. LET'S GET OUTTA THIS CRAP HOLE.

LET'S GO HIT THE TOWN. HEY, HEY!

WE--WE OWN THIS CRAP HOLE.

OH. IT'S A NICE CRAP HOLE.

COME ON. LET'S GO GET DRUNK.

DON'T YOU WANT TO PUT YOUR SKIN BACK ON FIRST?

NO, NO, NO. NO WAY. LADIES LOVE A MAN IN UNIFORM!

AAAAHHH!

DAMN! BEAT ME AGAIN!

YOU CAN'T BEAT THE CHICKEN, BABE.

THE CHICKEN IS IN YOUR HEAD. ALL RIGHT, ONE MORE GAME.

SEAN, GIMME ANOTHER QUARTER. NO. NO.

GIMME ANOTHER-- YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH!

WHAT'RE YOU LOOKIN' AT, HUH?! STUPID CHICKEN!

YOU STUPID CHICKEN! WHAT'RE YOU L-- COME HERE!

WHAT'S GOIN' ON? DON'T KICK MY CHICKEN.

YOUR CHICKEN CHEATS. I WANT MY MONEY BACK.

NO. THE CHICKEN'S GOOD. HE BEAT BOBBY FISCHER.

I'M NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE UNTIL I GET MY MONEY BACK.

YOU BETTER LEAVE OR THERE'LL BE TROUBLE.

OH, YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?

YES. I WANT PIECE OF YOU.

YOU CAN HAVE THIS ONE. WHOOH!

OH, IT'S GO TIME. IT'S GO TIME.

GET YOUR HANDS OFF, MAN! OK.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE KICKIN' OUT?

THAT GUY OPENED FOR THE WIGGLES.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, YOU GUYS.

I THOUGHT SHE WAS A PROSTITUTE.

SHE WAS, MAN. YOU BROUGHT HER IN.

OH.

WHOO! WE'VE NOT PARTIED LIKE THIS...

[CHUCKLES] IN TOO LONG, BUDDY.

OH, MAN. YOU'RE TELLIN' ME.

IT'S BEEN, LIKE, 10 YEARS SINCE I'VE HAD A DRINK.

WHAT'RE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

I'VE BEEN CLEAN AND SOBER SINCE '94.

NOT ONE?

NOT A ONE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKIN'.

'CAUSE THIS IS THE...BEST!

HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!

THANK YOU, SEANY!

THANK YOU, MY MAN!

OH, YOINK!

HELLO!

YOU PUSHED HIM OFF THE WAGON?

BABY, I DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD A PROBLEM!

* POSITIVE POWER PEOPLE

* ARE THE PEOPLE WITH THE POSITIVE POWER *

YOU MAKE HER STOP.

NO. SHE'S JUST TRYIN' TO GET A REACTION

OUTTA ME, AND I AM NOT GONNA GIVE HER ONE.

* POSITIVE POWER PEOPLE

* ARE THE PEOPLE WITH THE POSITIVE POWER *

OH, KEEP SINGING! I LIKE IT!

OH. WELL, YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET TO HEAR IT ANYMORE

'CAUSE I'M GONNA GO SPREAD MY POSITIVE PEOPLE POWER IN JAPAN.

OH! HAVE A GREAT TIME.

I PLAN TO. I JUST NEED YOU TO SIGN MY PERMISSION SLIP.

[CHUCKLING] OH. THERE YOU GO.

SAYONARA.

I WILL.

I SWEAR TO YOU, IF HE WALKED IN HERE RIGHT NOW,

I'D SAY TO HIM, "I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT ME."

AND THEN I'D KILL HIM.

ARE YOU STILL TALKIN' ABOUT BILL NYE, THE SCIENCE GUY?

DON'T SAY THAT NAME!

OK. A-HUNTIN' WE WILL GO.

WHERE DOES YOUR, UH, MOMMY KEEP THE HARD STUFF?

I KEEP TELLING YOU, I DON'T LIVE HERE.

DAVE, CALM DOWN.

HEY, DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN.

I'M A CHILDREN'S EDUCATOR. RIGHT?

I'M GONNA GO THROW UP.

UNCLE EDDIE. WHAT'S WITH THE PEAS?

WELL, JIM, I...GOT WASTED WITH YOUR DAD LAST NIGHT,

AND...THESE PEAS ARE KEEPING MY SCALP

FROM EXPLODING ALL OVER YOUR FRIEND.

UM...MY DAD DOESN'T REALLY DRINK THAT MUCH.

HE PEED IN A CAB.

UM, MY DAD DOESN'T REALLY PEE IN THAT MANY CABS.

COME ON. LET'S GO.

IT WASN'T HIS FAULT. HE WAS ASLEEP.

OK, COME ON.

HERE. HERE. HERE.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT?

JUST SEW SOME ORGANS ON IT.

LOOK. THERE--THERE... HERE'S A...

I THINK THIS IS THE LIVER, AND THERE'S A SPLEEN...

I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY GO.

DOESN'T MATTER! OK?

I'VE GOT A HALF AN HOUR

TO GET THIS TOGETHER AND GET THIS GUY TO THE SCHOOL.

FINE. GIVE ME THE LIVER.

SEAN, BAD NEWS. DAVE JUST HOPPED OVER THE FENCE

AND TOOK OFF.

WHAT? WH-WHERE THE HELL DID HE GO?

TO PUT YOUR BARBECUE FORK IN BILL NYE, THE SCIENCE GUY.

OH. MR. FINNERTY.

I NEED TO DISCUSS THE PROGRAM WITH MR. BODYBUDDY.

IS HE HERE?

IT'S ALL GOOD.

WHERE IS HE?

I'M FEELIN' ALL RIGHT.

HE'S NOT HERE, IS HE?

WELL, I MEAN... IS GOD HERE?

WE'D LIKE TO THINK THAT HE IS, BUT... YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'.

MMM, OH, I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED YOU.

I SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO MY INSTINCTS.

AND THE MONSIGNOR'S.

AND THE P.T.A. AND THE CUSTODIAN--

UH, UH, OH! OH! HE'S HERE. HA, HA!

LET YE OF LITTLE FAITH CAST THE FIRST STONE.

OH, YES. YOU GOT ME BY MISQUOTING SCRIPTURE.

TELL MR. BODYBUDDY HE'S ON IN 10.

ALL RIGHT.

WHERE'S DAVE?

DAVE'S NOT HERE.

THEN WHAT'S WITH THE THUMBS UP?

WE GOT THE SUIT. YEAH.

I WAS ABLE TO SEW ON MOST OF THE ORGANS.

THERE'S ONLY ONE KIDNEY, BUT--BUT THAT'S OK.

YOU ONLY NEED ONE KIDNEY TO SURVIVE.

THE SUIT CAN'T DO THE ACT! WE NEED THE GUY!

LOOK, HERE'S HOW THIS'LL GO DOWN.

I'LL SUGGEST THAT YOU DANCE AROUND IN THE ORGAN SUIT.

YOU WILL RESIST. YOU TELL ME TO DO IT.

BUT WE BOTH KNOW IT'S GONNA BE YOU.

FINE. I'M TIRED OF PEOPLE SAYING THE FINNERTYS

DON'T CONTRIBUTE AROUND HERE. I PROMISED THEM J.J. BODYBUDDY,

AND I'M GONNA DELIVER J.J. BODYBUDDY.

I JUST HAVE TO ASK YOU ONE THING.

I'M NOT GONNA DO IT. FINE.

OH. MRS. FINNERTY, HAVE YOU SEEN MR. BODYBUDDY?

UH, YES. HE'S GETTING DRESSED.

OH. WELL, GOOD. WHEN HE COMES OUT, WOULD YOU GIVE HIM THIS?

SURE. NOW, IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT HE GETS IT.

IT'S THE LIST OF WORDS HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO SAY.

[LAUGHING] I DON'T KNOW WHY HE'D WANT TO SAY THIS.

I DON'T KNOW WHY THE BICYCLE SAFETY LADY

WOULD WANT TO SAY IT, EITHER,

BUT SHE DID, AND NOW IT'S ON THE LIST.

OK. I'LL MAKE SURE HE GETS IT.

SO, I UNDERSTAND LILY MIGHT BE LEAVING US. AW...

WHAT? WELL, UM...

SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE WENT TO AUDITION

TO JOIN THE POSITIVE POWER PEOPLE.

NOW, NORMALLY I WOULD OPPOSE A STUDENT LEAVING SCHOOL

FOR 6 MONTHS, BUT IN LILY'S CASE, I SEE IT AS A WIN-WIN.

WELL, DON'T GET TOO EXCITED, SISTER. I'M NOT LETTING HER GO.

BUT YOU SIGNED THE PERMISSION SLIP.

YEAH. I KNOW. WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE

OF ONE OF THOSE PARENT-CHILD STANDOFFS?

YOU KNOW? AND I CALLED HER BLUFF.

YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A NEW BABY ON THE WAY,

AND SHE HAS TO REALIZE AT SOME POINT

SHE CAN'T BE THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE FOREVER.

YOU KNOW? SO DON'T WORRY. I'M NOT LETTING HER GO TO TOKYO.

I'M SORRY, SISTER. I SHOULDN'T HAVE LAID ALL THAT ON YOU.

WHAT? OH. THAT'S OK. I...I TUNED OUT.

CAROLYN. HI. HOW'S IT GOIN'?

YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING ON YOU.

TOILET SEAT COVER.

UM...THAT--UH, OH, GOD. I'M SORRY. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.

I USUALLY JUST HOLD IT UNTIL I GET HOME.

I MEAN... I KEEP EMBARRASSING MYSELF IN FRONT OF YOU.

I HADN'T NOTICED.

WHAT? YOU JUST PULLED A TOILET SEAT COVER OUT OF MY PANTS.

YEAH. I GUESS THOSE KINDS OF THINGS JUST DON'T BOTHER ME.

WOW. YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE. WE--WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?

SURE.

YOU GOT A BOOGER.

THANKS.

MOM. WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

OH. HEY. SISTER HELEN TOLD ME YOU WERE GOIN' TO JAPAN,

SO I JUST CAME TO SAY GOOD-BYE.

HUH. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU CARED.

WHAT?

OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE TRYIN' TO REPLACE ME.

HONEY, I AM NOT TRYING TO REPLACE YOU.

LOOK, UH...I'M SORRY. I MADE A MISTAKE.

I SHOULD'VE TALKED TO YOU BEFORE I MOVED

ALL THAT BABY STUFF INTO YOUR ROOM.

BUT...COME ON, YOU CAN'T THINK FOR ONE SECOND

I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU.

AND I'M NOT LETTING YOU GO TO JAPAN.

WELL, OK. IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT,

I'LL JUST HAVE TO TELL THE POSITIVE POWER PEOPLE

THEY'LL HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE.

HOW BAD DID IT GO?

BAD ENOUGH. MMM.

* WE'VE GOT THE POWER

* YOU'VE GOT THE POWER

* SO LET'S USE THE POWER *

* POSITIVE POWER

OK! THAT WAS WONDERFUL!

UH, WHY DON'T WE TAKE IT FROM THE TOP,

AND I THINK WE COULD GO

EVEN A TAD MORE POSITIVE.

* POSITIVE POWER

LET'S GO AGAIN AND SEE IF WE CAN FIND

THE POWER.

* POWER

OK! UH, FELT THE POWER.

MIGHT'VE LOT A LITTLE POSITIVE.

* POSITIVE POWER

LILY, YOU'RE GIVING ME PERIODS.

EXCUSE ME?

WE CAN'T SPREAD THE MESSAGE OF POSITIVE PEOPLE

TO JAPAN AND POSSIBLY THE PHILIPPINES WITH PERIODS.

WE NEED EXCLAMATION POINTS!

OK. YOU KNOW WHAT, SMILEY? IT IS PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE

FOR ANYBODY TO BE THAT POSITIVE!

AND IF THERE WERE PEOPLE THAT POSITIVE,

THE LAST PLACE I WOULD WANT TO BE

IS STUCK ON A PLANE WITH THEM FOR 10 HOURS TO JAPAN!

EXCLAMATION POINT!

FROM THE TOP?

YEAH. WELL... I'M GLAD YOU'RE STAYING.

AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, NO MATTER HOW MANY KIDS I HAVE,

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY BIGGEST BABY.

FIRST...BABY.

MM-HMM. WELL, I DON'T HAVE TO GO HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD

JUST TO SPITE YOU AND DAD.

COME ON.

WHEN I CAN DO IT RIGHT HERE,

WHERE I CAN SEE YOUR REACTIONS.

GOOD MORNING, STUDENTS.

I'M VERY EXCITED TO INTRODUCE

OUR ENTERTAINMENT FOR TODAY.

UNCLE EDDIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

SHE DOESN'T KNOW? NO.

HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY.

LET'S GIVE A WARM SAINT FINNIAN'S WELCOME

TO MR. J.J. BODYBUDDY.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

WHOO!

YEAH! YEAH!

OH... MY...GOD.

I THINK HE LOOKS GREAT IN THE SUIT.

THE SNEAKERS KINDA TAKE ME OUT OF IT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

I PROMISED YOU J.J. BODYBUDDY,

AND I'M KINDA DELIVERIN'.

ALL RIGHT! LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR SISTER HELEN!

IS THAT YOUR DAD?

[FLATLY] YEAH.

WOW. THAT'S PRETTY COOL.

I LOVE YOU.

AND I CHEW IT, AND I SWALLOW IT.

IT GOES DOWN THE OLD, UH...

UH, NECK TUBE.

MAYBE I SHOULD GO TO JAPAN.

MAYBE I SHOULD GO WITH YOU.

SHH! I'M TRYING TO LEARN.

YES. IN STATEN ISLAND.

I NEED THE NUMBER OF A MIRACLES?

THE CHRISTIAN MAGICIAN?

OK, AND THE BAD STUFF IS CALLED WASTE.

ALL RIGHT? BUT IT'S REALLY CALLED,

AND LET'S BE MATURE NOW: YOUR DUTY.

EW! EW! [LAUGHTER]

WELL, TRY THE OTHER BOROUGHS, DAMMIT!

LET'S UNLOCK SOME OF THE MYSTERIES

AND WONDERS OF THE HUMAN BODY. WHO'S GOT A QUESTION?

YES.

WHERE'S YOUR PANCREAS?

OK. THE PANCREAS IS LOCATED...

IN THE...

PANCREATIC CHAMBER...

WHICH IS ROUGHLY IN THESE GROUPINGS OF ORGANS

RIGHT THROUGH HERE.

OK? WHAT DOES IT DO?

UH, OK. ONLY ONE QUESTION PER KID. ALL RIGHT?

IT'S NOT YOUR OWN PRIVATE SHOW.

ANYBODY ELSE? YOUNG LADY.

WHAT DOES THE PANCREAS DO?

[CHUCKLES] SEE, IF GOD WANTED YOU TO KNOW WHAT IT DID,

HE WOULDN'T HAVE COVERED IT WITH SKIN.

AM I RIGHT?

OK, EVERYBODY, REMEMBER, J.J. BODYBUDDY SAYS,

STAY HEALTHY BY B HEALTHY.

ALL RIGHT! THANK YOU.

HE SINGS A SONG, MR. FINNERTY.

UH...UH, NO, HE DOESN'T.

WHO WOULD LIKE TO HEAR MR. BODYBUDDY'S SONG?

OH, YEAH. SONG!

SONG! SONG! SONG!

SONG! SONG! SONG!

SONG! SONG! OK!

* THE POSITIVE POWER ORGANS

* ARE REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT *

* 'CAUSE EVERYBODY'S GOT 'EM *

* FROM THEIR BRAIN DOWN TO THEIR BOTTOMS *

STAY HEALTHY.

NO BOOZE NOR SMOKIN'. OK?

JUST SAY NO TO THE BAD STUFF.

[CLAPPING]

WOW! THAT WAS IMPRESSIVE.

YEAH. AND EDUCATIONAL.

YEAH. I MEAN, I HAD NO IDEA

OVER A THIRD OF THE ORGANS WERE JUST FILLER.

A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THAT, BABE. COME ON, LET'S GO.

DON'T YOU WANT TO CHANGE?

WELL, YOU KNOW, WHEN I GET HOME.

OR TOMORROW. WHICHEVER.