Original subtitles

HEY, UNCLE EDDIE.

HEY. WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?

THIS IS JESSICA, MY KID SISTER.

JESSICA, THIS IS UNCLE EDDIE.

HI. HI.

SHE DIDN'T JUST SHOW UP LOOKING

FOR YOUR DAD, DID SHE?

SHE'S A CHARITY CASE.

I GOT HER AT SCHOOL.

WHY WOULD YOU SIGN UP FOR THIS?

I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS--

I WAS TALKING TO JESSICA.

I'M A VERY CARING, GIVING...

CAREGIVER.

AND I FELT THAT IT WAS TIME

THAT I GAVE BACK TO THE COMMUNITY.

OH, YEAH. I WAS THERE WHEN SHE REALIZED IT.

IT WAS PRETTY INSPIRING.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, GREG,

I WROTE MY HOME NUMBER,

MY CELL PHONE NUMBER, AND MY E-MAIL ADDRESS.

RIGHT HERE.

I UNDERLINED THEM.

OK, GREAT.

WE'LL TRY TO HOOK YOU UP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

[LAUGHS] 'CAUSE I'M ALL ABOUT HOOKIN' UP!

GREAT.

OH, JIMMY! THIS IS MY ACTUAL LITTLE BROTHER.

REAL LIVE ONE!

LILY, GET OFF OF ME!

GOD, I HATE YOU!

JUST SHUT UP!

OH, THEY GROW UP SO FAST.

SO, WHEN--WHEN DO YOU PICK ME UP?

OH, I--I DON'T GO WITH YOU.

IT'S JUST YOU AND YOUR KID SISTER.

[LAUGHS]

OH, OK. UM...

OK, INITIALLY THERE WAS A MUTUAL ATTRACTION,

BUT NOW I'M HAPPY TO BE GIVING MY TIME

TO HELP AN UNDERPRIVILEGED CHILD.

I'M NOT UNDERPRIVILEGED.

OH, YES, YOU ARE, SWEETIE,

BUT THAT'S OK.

WE CAN STILL HAVE FUN TOGETHER.

[LAUGHS] HEY, BABY!

HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?

JUST WAITIN' ON MY LADY.

YOU WEREN'T WATCHING BODY HEAT, WERE YOU?

'CAUSE I GOT A LOT OF STUFF I GOTTA DO THIS AFTERNOON.

NO, NO, BUT I GOT SOMETHING I GOTTA SHOW YOU, THOUGH.

IS IT THE NEW CRIB? WHERE IS IT?

OK, WELL, I WENT TO BUY THE CRIB AS PLANNED--

WHAT HAPPENED?

I MADE A LITTLE STOP ALONG THE WAY.

I JUST HAVE TO MAKE A QUICK STOP.

UH, AT OFF TRACK GAMING?

I GOT A LOCK IN THE FOURTH RACE. YOU WANT IN?

A LOCK? YOU MEAN IT'S FIXED?

WHOA, WHOA. NO. WHO SAID FIXED?

WHY--WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?

YOU JUST SAID IT WAS A LOCK.

IT IS A LOCK. IT'S GUARANTEED.

SO, IT'S FIXED.

WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND THAT WORD?

LOOK, I DON'T EVEN HAVE MONEY, MAN.

YOU GOT $400.

YEAH, TO BUY A CRIB WITH IT.

CRIB? IF THIS HORSE HITS, YOU COULD BUY A BABY.

YOU LOST OUR CRIB MONEY ON A HORSE?

OK, WELL, THAT'S ONE WAY TO LOOK AT IT.

OK? ANOTHER WAY IS...

THAT I WON!

YEAH! YES! YES!

I GOT THE CRIB, AND...

A BRAND-NEW TV! YEAH!

* DAH DAH DAH, DAH DAH, DAH DAH DAH *

CHECK IT OUT. 43 INCHES OF FLAT-SCREEN,

HI-DEF, SURROUND-SOUND,

CINEMATIC VIEWING PLEASURE.

HUH.

NO. "HUH" IS A 13-INCH TV WITH THE VCR BUILT IN.

THIS IS, "MY HUSBAND'S THE GREATEST PROVIDER OF ALL TIME,

AND I SHOULD REWARD HIM IMMEDIATELY."

OK, GREAT PROVIDER,

UH, BEFORE THE REWARDING STARTS,

LET'S JUST BE CLEAR ON ONE THING.

YOU TOOK OUR BABY'S CRIB MONEY,

AND YOU GAMBLED IT ON A HORSE?

I DIDN'T GAMBLE IT. I WON!

WELL, WHAT IF YOU'D LOST?

I COULDN'T, BABY! IT WAS A LOCK.

EDDIE TOLD ME. TELL HER, ED.

LOCK.

OH, THANK YOU. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

YOU TRUSTED OUR BABY'S MONEY

TO THE MAN WHO LIVES IN OUR BASEMENT.

LOOK, HE'S AN EXPERT ON THESE THINGS, OK? THIS IS HIS AREA.

NO. HIS AREA IS OUR BASEMENT.

WE CAN'T ALL LIVE UP HERE ABOVE THE GROUND

IN CLOUD CITY, CLAUDIA.

SO, HOW MUCH DID THE TV COST?

WELL, FOR THE AVERAGE JERK ON THE STREET, $1,000.

BUT FOR ME, IT WAS LIKE IT WAS FREE.

YOU WON $1,000?

YEAH! AND I TRADED IT IN FOR THE TV.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY THINGS WE NEED?

AND YOU SPENT $1,000 ON A BIGGER VERSION OF SOMETHING WE ALREADY HAD!

WITH PICTURE IN PICTURE!

OH, MY GOD!

WHAT DO YOU THINK, JIM?

YOU GUYS, WE'RE-- WE'RE FINALLY A FAMILY.

HEY. SEAN, DID YOU PUT THE CRIB TOGETHER YET?

UH, I WOULD'VE, BABE,

BUT I'VE BEEN BUSY BONDING WITH OUR SON.

CAN I SEE THE REMOTE? GET YOUR HANDS OFF IT, MAN!

HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M MAKING COOKIES FOR ME AND MY KID SISTER.

AWW. HOW'S IT GOING WITH HER?

YOU KNOW, I AM AN EVEN BETTER BIG SISTER THAN I THOUGHT.

SO, WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO TODAY?

WE COULD PLAY BEAUTY SHOP.

OOH! THAT'LL BE FUN.

I LIKE IT PARTED ON THE LEFT.

MY DAD WORKS 2 JOBS, SO I HARDLY EVER SEE HIM.

YOU ARE SO LUCKY!

SO, THIS ONE IS ME,

AND THIS ONE IS ASHLEY,

AND THIS ONE IS BRAD.

[DEEP VOICE] HEY, LILY.

HEY, BRAD. WHATEVER.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TALK TO YOUR STUPID SLUT GIRLFRIEND?

[DEEP VOICE] YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS, LILY.

WELL, YOU'RE JUST HEADLESS.

HEY, THAT'S MY DOLL!

IT WAS BEING A JERK.

IT'S A LOT OF WORK TO TOUCH A YOUNG LIFE,

BUT IT'S WORTH IT.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET A KID SISTER, MOM.

I HAVE 3 KIDS, AND I'M PREGNANT.

IT'S NOT A COMPETITION.

WHOA, HEY! MOM!

JUST A LITTLE CLEANING. CAN'T IT WAIT?

YOU'VE BEEN SITTING HERE FOR 2 DAYS.

WHEN DO YOU SUGGEST I DO IT?

WHEN THE SHOW'S OVER.

OH, YES, I'D HATE TO INTERRUPT

THE COMPELLING DRAMA OF CELEBRITY POKER.

VINCE VAUGHN'S GOT A PAIR OF JACKS.

DON'T YOU HAVE HOMEWORK TO DO?

YEAH, YEAH. I'M DOING IT DURING COMMERCIALS.

I'VE BEEN CHECKIN' IT.

OK, THAT'S IT. UPSTAIRS. GO.

MOVE. FINE. FINE.

HEY, LET ME KNOW IF CARMEN ELECTRA PICKS UP HER FLUSH.

GOD. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS?

OH, YOU KNOW, I'D LOVE TO HEAR WHAT MY PROBLEM IS.

YOUR PROBLEM IS IS THAT YOU HAVEN'T

SPENT ENOUGH TIME IN FRONT OF THIS TV.

I DON'T THINK THAT'S WHAT MY PROBLEM IS. NO, SERIOUSLY.

IF YOU COULD SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF THIS THING FOR 48 HOURS

AND HONESTLY TELL ME THAT YOU DIDN'T LOVE IT,

THEN SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

HELLO? HI. IS LILY HERE?

UH, YEAH. SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN.

WOW. THAT'S THE BIGGEST TV I'VE EVER SEEN!

THANK YOU. I WON IT GAMBLING.

NEAT.

NEAT.

SEE WHAT I'M-- SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?

YEAH. GAMBLING IS NEAT.

ALCOHOLISM IS REALLY COOL, TOO.

SHOPLIFTING ROCKS!

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? YOU WANT ME TO TAKE IT BACK?

NO, NO. I THINK YOU SHOULD KEEP YOUR TV,

AND EVERY TIME YOU LOOK AT IT,

YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT EVERY TIME I LOOK AT IT,

I'LL BE REMINDED OF THE TIME

THAT YOU PUT YOUR OWN FRIVOLOUS DESIRES

ABOVE THE NEEDS OF YOUR FAMILY.

WELL, I'LL JUST HAVE TO WORK THROUGH THAT

IN MY OWN SPECIAL WAY. IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! DAMN IT! YOU WIN!

YOU'LL TAKE IT BACK?

OH, HELL, NO. NO, YOU CAN FINISH VACUUMING.

I'M GONNA GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE THE KNICKS GAME.

TV narrator: THE CITIZENS OF POMPEII AND HERCULANEUM

HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS IN STORE.

WOW. [LAUGHS] THAT IS NEAT.

I HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED AT THE MALL TODAY.

DID YOU BRING YOUR DOLLS?

ACTUALLY, I CAN'T STAY.

MY FAMILY'S MOVING TO NORTH CAROLINA.

WHAT? WHEN DO YOU LEAVE?

MY MOM'S WAITING FOR ME IN THE CAR.

I JUST CAME TO SAY THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

I'VE GOT A LOT OUT OF IT.

REALLY?

YEAH. I'LL ALWAYS THINK OF YOU

WHEN I'M IRONING OTHER PEOPLE'S CLOTHES.

I'LL MISS YOU, TOO. COME HERE!

BYE.

[SIGHS]

MY LITTLE SISTER'S

MOVING TO NORTH CAROLINA.

OH, I'M SORRY.

WHO'S GONNA DO YOUR NAILS?

IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT, EDDIE. I--

I REALLY MADE A DIFFERENCE IN HER LIFE.

DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO TOUCH SOMEONE'S HEART?

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO.

GUY I KNOW WAS IN A MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT.

I'D RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT IT.

OH, DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT!

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I SPILLED ORANGE SODA INTO THE TV.

WHY'D YOU DO THAT?

BECAUSE IT LOOKED THIRSTY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

I PUT THE SODA ON TOP OF THE TV,

AND I BUMPED INTO IT WHEN I WAS VACUUMING.

WHERE DID SEAN PUT THE WARRANTY?

I DON'T KNOW. WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM?

ARE YOU CRAZY? HE KNOWS HOW MUCH I HATE THAT TV.

YOU KNOW WHAT HE'LL THINK.

[THUNDER]

[CACKLES]

OOPS!

YES!

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

WHY WOULD HE THINK THAT?

'CAUSE IT'S JUST LIKE THAT OIL PAINTING

OF ALICE COOPER THAT HE LOVED.

OH, I REMEMBER IT. YOU USED THAT TO PUT OUT THAT KITCHEN FIRE.

ACTUALLY, I USED IT TO START THAT KITCHEN FIRE.

BUT I CONFESSED, AND HE DIDN'T FORGIVE ME FOR MONTHS.

I JUST HAVE TO FIND THE DAMN WARRANTY!

I HATE TO TELL YOU, BUT NO WARRANTY IN THE WORLD

COVERS SPILLING A DRINK IN THE TV.

WELL, I HAVE TO GET IT FIXED.

OK? I HAVE TO GET IT FIXED.

YOU HAVE TO HELP ME. HOW DO I GET IT FIXED?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW. I'M JUST THE GUY

WHO LIVES IN YOUR BASEMENT AND LEADS YOUR HUSBAND TO GAMBLE.

EDDIE, DON'T DO THIS TO ME, ALL RIGHT? I NEED YOU.

WILL YOU ADMIT THAT PEOPLE WHO LIVE

IN OTHER PEOPLE'S BASEMENTS HAVE SOME VALUE?

YES. THEY ARE THE BACKBONE OF SOCIETY.

NOW, WILL YOU HELP ME, PLEASE?

THE TV'S NOT WORKING.

YEAH, I KNOW. WHERE'S YOUR DAD?

HE'S UPSTAIRS. YOU WANT ME TO GO TELL HIM?

NO! NO.

I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME, OK?

I NEED YOU TO KEEP YOUR DAD FROM WATCHING TV UNTIL WE GET BACK.

OH, IT CAN'T BE DONE.

ALL RIGHT, HOW ABOUT THIS?

IF YOU DON'T DO THIS FOR ME,

I WILL PICK YOU UP FROM SCHOOL EVERY DAY

IN AN INSIDE-OUT NIGHTGOWN

AND HUG YOU IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS.

I'M ON IT.

LET'S GO.

NO!

I'M SCREWED, TOTALLY SCREWED.

YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO TELL HIM YOU BROKE HIS TV.

YOU KNOW? AT THE END OF THE DAY, HE'S A RATIONAL MAN.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE WAY HE TOUCHES IT?

TELL YOU WHAT. I'LL TELL HIM I BROKE THE TV.

REALLY? YOU WOULD DO THAT?

YEAH. ANYTHING YOU WANT. I'M HERE FOR YOU.

HEY, GUYS.

LATER.

HEY. WHAT--WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WH-WHERE'S JIMMY?

HE'S IN THE KITCHEN.

WHAT ARE YOU-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

JUST GONNA WATCH A LITTLE TV.

HEY, NO, NO, NO!

NO, LET'S GO UPSTAIRS. I'M FEELING REALLY SEXY.

EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE PREGNANT?

YEAH. I'M FEELIN' SEXY FOR 2.

OH. WELL, BABY, I DIDN'T REALLY COUNT ON YOU FEELING SEXY,

SO I--IN THE SHOWER, I KIND OF--I'M GOOD.

JUST--JUST WAIT...

WOW!

WHAT?

UH, CARSON DALY JUST GOT A FLUSH.

IT'S JUST LIKE WE'RE SITTING AT THE TABLE WITH HIM.

IT'S AMAZING. IT'S AMAZING, YEAH! [LAUGHS]

IT'S GREAT. IT'S A GREAT PICTURE, GREAT SOUND,

AND THE BEST THING ABOUT IT

IS THAT NO ONE SPILLED ORANGE SODA DOWN THE BACK OF IT.

SO, YOU KNOW.

YEAH, I DO KNOW.

JIMMY TOLD ME.

JIMMY!

WHAT? "WHAT"?

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KEEP HIM OCCUPIED, NOT RAT ME OUT.

I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

ALL RIGHT, SO, YOU WANNA GO WATCH TV?

NO, WHY DON'T WE PLAY THIS ONE MORE TIME?

COME ON, JIMMY. WE'VE DONE IT, LIKE, 6 TIMES.

YOU'RE, LIKE, BETTER THAN CLAPTON.

ALL RIGHT. ONE MORE TIME.

ALL RIGHT!

LET'S GO WATCH SOME TV.

WHAT, YOU'RE GONNA QUIT?

I JUST BEAT YOU 21-3. LET'S GO.

OH, ARE YOU GONNA CRY ABOUT IT?

LITTLE BABY WANNA CRY? LET'S GO!

LET'S PLAY AGAIN, TO 50!

COME ON. LET'S JUST WATCH THE GAME.

WHY CAN'T WE JUST TALK, DAD?

WE CAN TALK AND WATCH THE GAME AT THE SAME TIME.

HOW DO YOU--HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU'RE GAY?

WOW.

OK, UH...

ALL RIGHT, JIM, I'VE--

I'VE NEVER TOLD THIS STORY TO ANYBODY.

MOM BROKE THE TV!

OK, THERE WAS ONLY SO MUCH YOU CAN ASK ME TO ENDURE.

WELL, HE SEEMS VERY UPSET.

I THINK YOU SHOULD GO TALK TO HIM.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

BECAUSE I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THE TV,

AND I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK I DID IT ON PURPOSE.

WELL, DID YOU? NO! NO! THIS IS VERY DIFFERENT

FROM THE ALICE COOPER PAINTING.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BURNED THAT ALICE COOPER PAINTING!

THAT WAS 12 YEARS AGO.

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I WORKED ON THAT? FOR 4 MONTHS!

YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO PAINT A GUILLOTINE IN MOTION?

YES, YOU TOLD ME MANY, MANY TIMES.

BESIDES, OBVIOUSLY I DIDN'T BREAK THE TV, 'CAUSE IT STILL WORKS.

NO, BECAUSE I PAID SOMEONE 500 BUCKS TO COME AND FIX IT!

WHERE'D YOU GET 500 BUCKS?

THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT. WHAT'S IMPORTANT

IS THAT YOU'RE A LIAR AND A BREAKER.

SEAN, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT MONEY?

WHAT? IT'S PART OF THE 1,500 I WON GAMBLING.

1,500? YOU TOLD ME IT WAS 1,000.

YEAH. 1,000's PART OF 1,500.

WHAT WERE YOU GONNA DO WITH THAT EXTRA MONEY?

GET SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR THE BABY.

WHAT? TIVO.

WELL, I HOPE YOU GET ADULT CHANNELS ON THAT TV,

'CAUSE YOU WON'T BE SEEING ME NAKED.

WELL, THAT'S FINE,

'CAUSE YOU'LL BE SEEING A LOT OF ME NAKED,

A WHOLE LOT OF ME NAKED!

HEY, DAD. HEY, LIL.

[SIGHS] OHH!

[RAISES VOLUME]

OHH!

WHAT?!

I WANNA TALK ABOUT MY DAY!

OK, FINE.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I WAS BETRAYED.

JESSICA?

OH, HEY, LILY.

HEY. I THOUGHT YOU WERE MOVING TO NORTH CAROLINA.

I AM.

THEN WHO'S THIS?

UM...MY MOM.

COME ON, MOM. OUR FLIGHT'S LEAVING IN 10 MINUTES.

SHE'S IN MY CLASS.

LILY, JESSICA'S MY NEW KID SISTER.

WHAT?

I'M SORRY, LILY.

I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO FIND OUT THIS WAY.

OH, MY GOD.

WELL, HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO--

WAS THERE OVERLAP?

I--I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE?

ALL RIGHT, BUT THAT'S OK. THAT'S OK.

JUST GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE.

I CAN DO BETTER.

GOOD-BYE, LILY.

WAIT!

MY HOODIE!

OK, I'M SORRY! I'LL FIX IT.

OHH!

MY ICE CREAM!

DON'T MOVE. IT HASN'T HIT THE GROUND YET.

MY BOOTS!

COME ON, HONEY, LET'S GO.

WELL, IF YOU GO NOW, DON'T BOTHER COMING BACK!

COME BACK!

WOW, THAT'S REALLY HARSH. I JUST DON'T THINK

THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN, UH...

SAY THAT HASN'T ALREADY BEEN SAID. HUH?

JUST WATCH YOUR STUPID TV!

OK, I WILL.

OH, IT'S A COMMERCIAL, LIL.

COME ON BACK. WE CAN TALK A BIT MORE.

HEY.

OH, IS THERE A COMMERCIAL ON?

YEAH, IT'S FOR A NEW SODA.

"NOW WITH MORE TV-KILLING ACTION."

I TOLD YOU IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

OK, LOOK, BABY, I DON'T WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT ANYMORE, OK?

WELL, I DON'T WANNA FIGHT, EITHER.

ALL RIGHT, SO, LET'S AGREE TO KEEP THE TV,

AND I JUST PROMISE I'LL SPEND LESS TIME IN FRONT OF IT.

FINE. FINE?

OK, BABY. I'M GONNA GO UPSTAIRS

AND PUT THAT CRIB TOGETHER NOW.

UH, YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT? YOU WERE ON ME TO PUT THE CRIB TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS WHOLE CRIB THING.

I THINK WE SHOULD GET RID OF IT.

WHAT?

YEAH, I READ IN THIS MAGAZINE

THAT A BABY REALLY IS BETTER OFF SLEEPING

WITH THEIR PARENTS FOR, LIKE, THE FIRST 5 YEARS.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS. I'M GONNA GO TAKE CARE OF THE CRIB.

THE--THE CRIB IS GONE.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, SELLING YOUR BABY'S CRIB FOR GAMBLING MONEY

IS THE FIRST SIGN OF A PROBLEM.

OK, FIRST OF ALL, I DID NOT SELL THE CRIB.

I RETURNED IT, AND I'M GONNA USE MY WINNINGS

TO BUY IT BACK AND FIX THE TV.

YOU GONNA HELP ME OR WHAT?

YEAH. HIGH HAT IN THE FIFTH.

AND THAT'S A FIX, RIGHT?

IT'S A LOCK.

YEAH, BUT BY "A LOCK," YOU MEAN IT'S A FIX, RIGHT?

NO, BY LOCK, I MEAN KEEP QUIET.

IS THIS HORSE GONNA WIN OR NOT?

WHAT ARE YOU-- ARE YOU WEARING A WIRE?

YES! YES!

SECOND PLACE! WHAT DID I WIN?!

LET ME SEE.

ZERO.

WHAT?

IF YOU'D BET HIM TO PLACE, YOU WOULD'VE WON.

WHY THE HELL DID YOU TELL ME THIS WAS A LOCK?!

I UNDERSTAND YOUR FRUSTRATION.

A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE LOST A LOT OF MONEY ON LOCKS.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS, DID YOU HAVE FUN?

JUST GIVE ME ANOTHER LOCK, AND THEN I'LL BET IT TO PLACE.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MORE MONEY.

THAT'S OK. WE--WE CAN GET SOME.

HEY, ANYBODY WANNA BUY A WATCH?

I'LL BUY YOUR SWEATER.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. SO, YOU BROKE THE TV,

SOLD THE CRIB, AND LOST THE MONEY?

BUT I KEPT MY CLOTHES.

OH, WELL, I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU.

JIMMY, JUST TELL ME! AM I BAD BIG SISTER?

I ALREADY TOLD YOU. YOU'RE A TERRIBLE BIG SISTER.

OH. OK, THEN.

WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE?

BECAUSE...

MY--MY KID SISTER LEFT ME FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

REALLY? I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T KNOW.

IT'S OK. I WAS JUST HOPING THAT MAYBE SHE WAS WRONG

AND I'M NOT A BAD BIG SISTER,

BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU KNOW BETTER THAN ANYONE,

SO I GUESS I AM.

DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF.

NO, NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M--

I'M SELFISH. I'M NEEDY. I'M A BAD LISTENER.

WELL, ACTUA-- LET ME FINISH!

I'M OVERBEARING.

YES, YOU ARE ALL THOSE THINGS,

BUT, YOU KNOW,

THERE'VE ALSO BEEN TIMES WHEN YOU'VE HELPED ME.

COME ON, WHEN?

REMEMBER ABOUT 2 YEARS AGO

WHEN I WORE THAT MESH T-SHIRT,

AND ALL THOSE KIDS CALLED ME NETTY AND MESHY AND SHOWGIRL?

[LAUGHS] YES.

WELL, YOU STOOD UP FOR ME, YOU KNOW?

YOU SAID, "THAT'S MY LITTLE BROTHER,

"AND HE MAY DRESS LIKE A CABARET DANCER,

BUT IF YOU MESS WITH HIM, THEN YOU MESS WITH ME."

I DID? I--I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.

WELL, I DO, AND IT REALLY MEANT A LOT TO ME.

WOW.

I AM A GOOD BIG SISTER.

THANKS, JIMMY.

DID THAT REALLY HAPPEN?

SOME OF IT. I ONLY MADE IT TO THE DOOR WITH THAT SHIRT ON.

LILY CALLED ME ALL THOSE THINGS,

SO I RAN UPSTAIRS AND CHANGED.

I GET IT! I'M A HYPOCRITE, OK?

NO, NO, IT'S NOT OK. YOU GAVE ME HELL ABOUT THAT TV.

YOU KNOW, "GAMBLING'S WRONG, AND TV'S BAD, AND..."

SOMETHING-SOMETHING FRIVOLOUS.

HOW IS WHAT I DID

ANY DIFFERENT THAN WHAT YOU DID?

'CAUSE YOU LOST!

I LOST TRYING TO FIX THE THING

THAT YOU WASTED OUR MONEY ON.

NO, NO, I WASTED MY MONEY ON IT.

HEY, YOU AND I ARE A TEAM HERE, OK?

THERE'S NO "MY MONEY" IN "TEAM."

THERE'S AN "M" AND...

AN "E"...

THE POINT IS, WE'RE IN THIS THING TOGETHER.

OK, SO IF WE THROW MONEY DOWN THE TOILET ON SOMETHING STUPID,

THEN WE DO IT AS A TEAM.

EXACTLY.

OK, WELL, THEN I SHOULD PROBABLY TELL YOU

ABOUT THE $1,500 THAT WE WON.

WHAT?

IT WAS ACTUALLY 1,800.

SO WE HAVE AN EXTRA $300?

YEAH. SO WE CAN TAKE THE 300 BUCKS,

AND WE CAN GO GET THE CRIB.

OR...

WE COULD HIT THE O.T.G. TONIGHT.

CLAUDIA... COME ON!

ALL THE WEST-COAST TRACKS ARE STILL RUNNING.

IF WE BET THE FAVORITES ACROSS THE BOARD

AND MAYBE BOX A SUPERFECTA, WE CAN'T LOSE!

BABY, I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE A PROBLEM.

WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

SEAN, I GOT BAD NEWS.

I ACCIDENTALLY BROKE YOUR TV.

WHAT? I WAS STANDING WITH MY BEER NEAR THE TV.

I LOOKED AT MY WATCH.

YOU FOLLOW?

I SPILLED BEER ALL OVER THE TV. IT'S BROKEN.

I BLAME MYSELF, NOT CLAUDIA.

EDDIE, IT'S ALL RIGHT. HE KNOWS.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT YOU POURED YOUR BEER INTO THE TV.

OH. ALL RIGHT, OK.

SEE YOU LATER.