Original subtitles

[Roar]

[Ship's horn blows]

Captioning made possible by Warner bros.

You're looking at the famous undersea gardens

of catalina island,

a paradise of exotic fish and giant kelp.

The largest of these is the great bladder kelp.

That's what I said, madam-- bladder kelp.

Note the gentle swaying motion of the kelp plants,

like a lovely ballet.

And if a mermaid should happen to join our ballet,

remember, anything can happen in the mysterious depths

of the ocean.

Anytime, Jenny.

Ok, pop.

[Zip]

Hey!

What in heaven's name do you think you're doing?

You talkin' to me?

Yes, I'm talkin' to you! That's my suit on your line.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's a pretty funny-lookin' suit.

It's my mermaid tail,

and would you please throw it back?

That's kind of difficult. It's all tangled.

Why don't you come aboard,

and I'll untangle it for you?

That's a little difficult, too,

since I'm bottomless!

Oh. Yeah, I see what you mean.

Here. Get into this.

And another thing--

don't you believe in signs?

Now what are you talking about?

That sign over there that says

"no fishing."

Oh, well, I wasn't exactly fishing.

Well, then what were you doing?

Maybe I was hunting for mermaids.

Oh! I'm gonna have you arrested.

They're gonna have you arrested,

goin' around without your bottom.

Listen--

¶ all aboard, all aboard, on the glass bottom boat ¶

¶ it's the greatest show that was ever afloat ¶

¶ take a ride on the tide with the guide and see ¶

¶ the way-out wonders of the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ the deep, blue sea, the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ there's a lot to see in the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ the sailfish sail, and the blowfish blow ¶

¶ cockles and mussels, alive, alive, oh ¶

¶ the hermit crab, he lives alone ¶

¶ you can't even get him on the telephone ¶

¶ the Halibut's eyes turn up and in ¶

¶ he don't know where he's goin' ¶

¶ but he knows where he's been ¶

¶ the deep, blue sea, the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ there's a lot to see in the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ the glass bottom boat, you will agree ¶

¶ can show you the magic of the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ spiny crabs and whitefish, too ¶

¶ will all be there, what a hullabaloo ¶

¶ with so many fish upon the scene ¶

¶ there's hardly room for a fat sardine ¶

¶ the deep, blue sea, the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ there's a lot goin' on in the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ oh, life on the glass bottom boat is great ¶

¶ I'm the captain ¶

¶ you could use a mate ¶

¶ the turtle is slow but not so dumb ¶

¶ he has his own condominium ¶

¶ a blue point oyster was caught with a poil (Pearl) ¶

¶ he swore he didn't even know the goil (Girl) ¶

¶ the deep, blue sea, the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ there's a lot to see in the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ the glass bottom boat, you will agree ¶

¶ can show you the magic of the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ the flyin' fish was an awful ham ¶

¶ made a 3-point landing in the frying pan ¶

¶ the porpoise has the most horsepower ¶

¶ but the whale's the one with a built-in shower ¶

¶ starfish, starfish, 2 heads all... ¶

[singing faster and faster]

Is it correct to say, Mr. Templeton,

your company's new device

will overcome weightlessness in space?

Yes, that's right.

It actually simulates gravity?

Electronically speaking, yeah.

Mr. Templeton, could you explain a little more--

gentlemen, gentlemen, one at a time.

What do you call this thing we saw?

Well, technically, this thing is referred to

as gravity inertial stabilized manned observatory.

The initials for that are g.I.S.M.O.,

and that spells gismo, and that's what we call it.

Man over intercom: Bruce?

Yeah, Paul?

I got a little problem. Can I come up?

Why don't you stay there? I'll come down to you.

Man: Do the Russians have anything like gismo?

No. I'm sure they'd like it, though.

Can you give us the equation?

No. I'm sure they'd like that even better.

If you'll excuse me, I have to leave.

My partner Mr. molloy will carry on,

answer any further questions.

You can handle that, can't you, Einstein?

I'll fake it, old buddy.

Yeah. Fine.

Ah...

All right, fellas--

and little lady-- fire away,

but remember, Templeton's the brains.

I just move the merchandise.

How did he arrive at this equation?

[Cough]

Well...

Now, this building is called the m-1 building,

all this specially designed for testing

spacecraft and sub systems.

The laboratory is fully equipped

with a thermal vacuum chamber,

a superclean room, and a space capsule.

Mrs. Nelson, may I see you for a moment, please?

Oh, yes, Mr. goodwin.

Uh, would you excuse me, please?

Yes, sir?

As soon as you're finished with the tour,

come up to my office.

I'd like to mobilize everybody

in public relations.

The press are clamoring for gismo data,

and I thought you might be equipped

to write some of it.

Yes, sir.

Did you say that I should write it, sir?

Oh, I'd like that very much, Mr. goodwin.

I really would, but you must understand

that I'm just a beginner.

I've had no experience whatsoever.

I have every confidence

in your work, Mrs. Nelson.

Thank you, Mr. goodwin.

Besides, I've taken a special interest in you.

Well, that's very kind of you, sir.

Uh, the tour-- I'd better--

hi, Jen. How do you like

your first week in the think factory?

Oh, boy. It's like being back at college.

I even had an offer to stay after school.

So I noticed, but remember,

the campus widow can't just brush off

the Dean of women.

Campus widow?

Say, how does everybody know so much about me?

That badge you're wearing--

it represents a tight security check.

Sex--female. Marital status--widow.

Widow-- that's like catnip.

Well, not for that cat.

Oh, Donna, may I borrow a dime, please?

I have to call my dog. Thanks.

Did you say you were calling your dog?

Yeah.

With me away at work all day,

the poor thing doesn't get any exercise,

so whenever the phone rings,

he runs around the house barking like crazy.

[Telephone ringing]

[Dog barking]

Four...

Five...

[Ringing continues]

[Barking]

Ok, Vladimir,

that's all I have time for, baby.

See you later.

Ha ha! Vladimir?

There you are.

Thanks.

Thank you very much for waiting.

This is called the clean room.

It's completely sterilized

so that no dust or dirt

will contaminate the critical parts.

Workers entering the clean room

must first stand on this grate,

which shakes off dust from shoes and clothing,

like this.

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Oh, gosh. Oh, dear!

I guess we'd better go now.

We'll go that way.

Excuse me.

I'll be out of your way in just a minute.

Hey! You're the mermaid.

Yes, I'm the mermaid.

Didn't recognize you with your clothes on.

Ha ha!

We never did introduce ourselves, did we?

Well, let's leave it that way, shall we?

What are you mad about, mermaid?

In case you hadn't noticed,

my heel is stuck.

Don't you believe in signs?

You could have your license revoked.

Ok, so now we're even.

Ok, so let me help you with your shoe.

Oh! Ooh!

Oh! Will you please--you!

Where's your sense of humor?

Wait. What about your shoe?

Hey, cripps, where's Mr. Templeton?

I believe he's in the clean room, sir.

Thank you.

[Crash]

Hey! Hey!

Oh!

What are you trying out for?

Some creep is chasing me.

Oh, honey.

Do you see him--

a wild-eyed maniac with one shoe?

Listen-- oh, hello, Donna.

Donna: Hello, Mr. Templeton.

Can I do something for you, Mr. Templeton--

Mr. Bruce Templeton?

I was looking for the owner of this.

You haven't seen her, have you?

Donna: It's funny you should mention that.

I did see somebody, but--

she's a very attractive blond, somewhat kooky,

with one shoe off and one shoe on.

Hello there.

Oh! Oh. Um, hello, sir.

Did you lose something?

Oh, uh...No. Uh...Uh...

Oh, Mr. Templeton,

I am so sorry about all this,

but I didn't know who you were.

Well, I'm just-- I'm so embarrassed.

Are you all right?

Oh, yes, I'm-- I'm fine, thank you.

But, uh... Yes, I'm fine,

but please forgive me.

Oh, there's nothing to forgive.

It just seems I now owe you one shoe

and one mermaid's tail.

Oh, not really. Don't worry about that.

Yeah, well, anyway, there's the shoe,

and I'll send you the mermaid's tail.

Thank you very much, sir.

Tell Mr. molloy I want to see him, honey, will you?

Oh, Zack--

what happened to you?

I have just dictated a memo

to the janitorial department.

The dust under the clean room grate

is to be cleared away daily.

That's all, miss Perkins.

You--you-- you didn't...

Ha ha ha!

You didn't fall through the--

ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ho ho ho. Where is the humor?

It just so happens that dust

is the worst thing in the world

for my ulcers.

My doctor told me this morning--

ah-choo!

Zack, Zack.

Oh. Where are you?

[Telephone ringing]

[Barking]

You're kidding.

You found a girl, and you're interested,

like she was a piece of space hardware?

Like a piece of space hardware.

Whee!

Whee! Going to take time off,

sit on the boat in the sun

with my little piece of space hardware.

Ah, ah, ah. Oh, I almost forgot.

This is the air force confirmation to go, go, go,

put gismo into orbit.

Of course, we could cancel it.

It's only a $75 million contract.

Tell you what I'll do. I'll call general bleecker,

tell him you found a girl, you're not interested.

Wait. In orbit by July?

Three months.

It's impossible. We can't do it.

You can do it.

We can? Yeah.

Maybe we can. Let's think carefully.

Right. You go to Washington.

Tell that general it's a cinch.

I already got the plane tickets. Are you kidding?

Honey, get me goodwin and valenti.

We'll work 24 hours a day.

That's my boy-- all work and no play.

Push that gal back in your calendar.

Better still, give me the number. I'll call her.

No. She's something special.

I'll call her myself.

I know you with girls. Forget it.

Give me the number.

Wait a minute. You've done this before.

Out. On the plane. Go.

A little try. She might like me.

The jet. Go!

[Dog barking]

Honey!

Oh, hi, mabel. Hi, Norman.

What have you got there?

Well, this package came for you

while you were out.

For me? You're kidding.

And the boy said it was from--

who did he say it was from?

Mr. Templeton.

Mr. temple--oh!

That must be my mermaid tail.

Mermaid's tail? You been fishing?

Ha ha ha! No. It's a long story.

I'll tell you sometime.

Jennifer, we have a lovely man

coming over tonight,

a business associate of Norman's.

Mr. mutnyik.

He's older, but very well-to-do,

if you know what I mean.

Would you join us?

I wish I could. I'd love to meet him.

But I have to get dressed and go to class right now.

But thanks for thinking of me.

I'll take a rain check on that.

And thanks for taking in this box.

I'd better get in

because Vladimir's barking like crazy.

Oh! I'm sorry, Norman.

That's all right.

Excuse me. Thanks a lot!

Class! You can't tell me

she goes to class every night.

And you didn't even talk to her

about that idiotic dog.

I didn't get a chance.

Barking, barking,

every time the phone rings.

Hello, my love.

I missed you.

Hello there. Hello, sweetheart.

Call a cop.

Call a cop yourself.

Hello. Hey. Hello, fish.

You all there? You hungry for your din-din?

Ok.

Come on. Eat hearty, kids. No hooks.

Hello, sweetheart.

Hello, my sweetheart.

Corky!

How's my boy?

Radio: Unit four, Los Angeles.

This is 11-q-1173,

unit two, Santa catalina calling.

Come in, please.

Come in, unit two.

Hi, Jenny. Hi, pop.

You'll be happy to hear we got the mermaid outfit back.

Yeah? How?

If I told you, you'd never believe it.

You can tell me about it

when you come over on the weekend.

Pop, I don't think I can make it this weekend.

I've got a million things I have to do.

But, Jenny, you got to come over.

I've got to have a mermaid.

Use Nina.

I said mermaid, not whale-maid.

"Couldn't find the tail. Will this cover you?"

Hey, Jenny, you talking to yourself?

Huh? Yeah, I guess so.

That's what you get for living alone

with birds and dogs and tropical fish.

If you'd told me you couldn't make it

because you had a boyfriend or something,

that would be different.

There you go again-- nag, nag, nag.

Ok. Talk to you tomorrow.

Oh, ok, pop.

So long, Nina. No hard feelings.

What do you mean-- whale-maid?

Let's face it, baby doll.

You ain't no guppy.

Ha ha ha!

He's kidding!

Oh, no.

Ok, try, uh...

R.P. Minus 27 over y-squared, ok?

Right.

As I was saying, sir, I happen to have

a dossier on the girl, if you care to hear it.

Oh, yeah. Go, homer.

Dossier-- Jennifer Nelson,

married, widowed.

Husband Randolph Nelson...

[Mispronouncing] Oceanographer.

[Correct pronunciation] Oceanographer.

Thank you, sir.

He went down in a diving bell

off the Bahamas.

End of husband.

Father Axel nordstrom,

operates glass bottom boat in catalina.

Girl lives alone with dog,

two myna birds, and tropical fish.

Ha ha ha! Hobbies-- boating and cooking.

Won first prize in baking contest

for banana cream cake.

Ha ha ha!

Holds navigator's license number 7256.

Currently taking night courses in--

are you ready for this--

dramatic writing, ballet, sculpture,

music appreciation, radiotelegraphy,

ceramics, and mapmaking.

Mapmaking? And I thought I was busy.

You got some problem with this girl, sir?

Yeah. Toughest kind, homer--

two bodies moving in different orbits.

Well, I always said

there was an equation for everything.

I believe you were quoted to that effect

in one of the magazines, sir.

Take Mars and you take Venus.

Mars is locked in his orbit

because of extreme pressure.

Pressure? Oh, right, right.

But if we can induce Venus

to move out of her orbit,

with the added factors of x plus y,

and apply it to c.O.D.--

c.O.D.?

Yeah. Contents of dossier.

I'm lost.

Well, have a look.

C.O.D. Plus XY to the second power

plus o.S.-- Orbit shift--

equals Mars and Venus joined.

Amazing, sir.

Do you think the world's ready for this?

Homer, like all great thinking,

it's a wonder nobody

ever thought of it before.

Mrs. Nelson.

Oh, yes, sir.

Mr. Templeton wishes to see you in his office.

Mr. temple-- oh, about what, sir?

You see, Mrs. Nelson,

in a very short time from now,

a manned rocket will take off

for some far, distant part

of our solar system,

and just in case

I'm not around to answer any questions,

your biography will anticipate anything

that might be asked about me.

Oh, yes, sir.

To help you work more effectively,

I'd like to take you into my full confidence.

All this is highly classified, of course.

Of course, sir.

Oh, and you know, Mr. Templeton,

our department uses a code name

for each assignment.

What shall I call this one, sir?

Well, let's call it, uh...

Let's call it project Venus.

Project ven--

you mean you're going to the--

hmm?

Yes, sir.

Man over intercom: Mr. Templeton.

Yeah?

We're ready for you in the tower.

Fine. We'll be right there.

Uh, we--that's you and I.

Let's go.

Oh! Yes, sir.

Here we are. Not very flattering,

but you got to wear one out here.

Oh, thank you.

Actually, I'm a little ol' country boy

from sioux city, Iowa, and, uh...

Templeton: Mrs. Nelson!

Oh, ok.

[Tires squeal]

Sorry, Mr. Templeton.

As I was saying,

I was born in sioux city, Iowa,

and I like baseball, paperbacks, movies.

Oh, and I love

a really good piece of banana cream cake.

Banana cream--

what's the matter?

I--I just-- I won a contest

for baking a banana cream cake.

No. With marshmallow or coconut?

Both.

Jenny, that's fantastic.

This is my very special favorite.

Is it really? Oh!

Those are adjustable.

Oh, are they really?

Thanks.

Thanks very much.

Mrs. Nelson?

Mrs. Nelson?

[Tap tap tap]

Help!

Here.

Thanks.

Not getting tired, are you?

You're the one who needs the sleep.

Oh, where the goddess of love is concerned?

Who can sleep when you're plotting

a rendezvous with Venus?

Mr. temple-- oh, I'm sorry.

No, no, it's all right.

Well, I just want you to know how proud I am

to be a part of this fantastic experiment,

and I know you'll make it.

I'm sure of it.

Keep that thought.

Here we go again.

You want to watch this?

Yes.

6, 5, 4,

3, 2, 1,

fire.

Oh!

Come in. I've been expecting you.

Besides, I heard your car drive up.

I'm Mrs. Nelson.

I know that. I'm Mrs. Miller.

How do you do? My, what a house.

Is that a cake?

Oh, yes. I baked it for Mr. Templeton.

Here. It must be heavy.

Oh, I hope not.

Hello, Jenny.

Oh, hello, Mr. Templeton.

Jenny, Mrs. Nelson,

this is Edgar hill of the CIA.

How do you do?

Why don't you go in and get started?

Anything you need, ask Anna.

Ok, thank you. Excuse me.

My, uh, biographer.

Guess I'd better settle down and read it sometime

and find out what I've been doing.

And the other lady is Anna Miller?

Yeah. Cook, housekeeper, and absolute treasure.

Been with me for 10 years.

[Microphone feedback]

That is pritter's hi-fi service

wiring the house for a party.

Well, I'll be in town a few days

checking on another spy rumble,

then back to Washington.

Sorry it wasn't more exciting for you here.

Let's keep it that way.

Oh, yes. This new equation of yours--

where's it kept?

Up here. Why?

No plans or blueprints?

Sure. They're in two vaults--

one at the office, one here.

Invulnerable?

Yeah, they're invulnerable. Come on. I'll show you.

If you need paper and things,

they're behind this bookcase

that pulls out and turns.

Thank you, Mrs. Miller.

Anna.

Jenny.

Here we are. Each vault opens only

to the frequency of my voice

and a special word sequence,

and since each voice

is uniquely different,

the safes are,

as you say, invulnerable.

Excellent.

Anna? Yoo-hoo!

Aah!

What? Oh, I-- oh, I--I--

I'm--I'm--I'm so-- I'm--I'm sorry.

Oh, my heart!

I didn't mean to scare you.

I'm fixing the p.A. System.

I--I--I'm--I'm-- I'm sorry.

Um, pritter's the name.

Julius pritter.

Pritter hi-fi stereo, you know?

I--oh, my card,

uh, in case you need any work done.

I--oh--

I'll be out of your way in a jiffy.

I...Scary closets.

[Hammering]

Oh! Be careful!

Don't move!

Oh, no!

Oh! Oh, no!

What was that?

That was a cake.

I'm--I'm awfully sorry, lady.

That makes two of us, or three.

Uh...What should I do?

Don't move. You'll mess up the whole floor.

Could you hurry up, please?

It's starting to permeate.

I don't feel so well.

I have this cold coming on.

My sock is getting soggy.

Put it all in here.

Ok. I think I'm going to catch cold.

You push.

Yeah, ok. Here.

And don't let any of it drip out.

Ok. That's-- oh, good.

That's good. Yeah.

Now shake it all loose.

Shake it...

I think I'm stuck.

You can't be stuck.

Yes, I am, because my toes are bent up.

I have this ingrown toenail--

in fact, two of them--

Mr. pritter, I'd rather not hear

about your ingrown toenails at this moment, ok?

Ok. Yeah. Uh...

Lady, I have this condition.

Mr. pritter, will you please--

right. Now, shut up? Hang on!

I'm hanging. Pull!

I'm pulling!

Aah! Whoa!

Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry!

I'm sorry, Mr. pritter.

Are you all right?

No, I always twine myself in ladders

with a foot on my cake-- a cake on--aah!

It's still stuck! Lady, wait! Please! Oh!

Just be still, Mr. pritter.

Wait! My shoulder's connected to that.

I think we should get that out.

Wait a minute! Well, wait.

Jenny: I have to do the ladder.

Oh, yes. Very good. Oh, wait.

The lip is there. This is the lip.

Oh, the lip! Oh, God!

Oh, it's really a mess.

You know something?

You're irritated with me. I'm irritated with myself.

It's just a good thing

that I didn't fall in the pool with my cold.

That's all. Oh, boy!

I'll tell you one thing--

I cannot go through life like this.

Oh...

Well, Mr. pritter,

now, wait a minute.

What?

We have to approach this--

we have to approach it scientifically.

Right?

Sure. Why not?

Now, listen to me.

Oh, you're thinking?

I've got it.

I'm going to put all my weight

on this basket,

and when I do,

you pull your foot out.

You see what I mean?

Oh, scientifically?

Yeah. Ok?

Sure.

All right? Ready?

Here I come.

Now I pull out, right?

Uh-huh, and I'll push down.

Aah!

Mr. pritter!

Mr. pritter?

I'm stuck.

Oh, please!

Lady, your heel is in my ingrown.

Ooh! Aah! Ooh! Aah! Ooh! Aah!

Mr. pritter?

Yeah?

We cannot approach this scientifically

until I get my foot out.

No more scientific, please.

Listen to me. Let me hold on to you.

[Grunting]

Oh, lady!

Uh! Uh! Ooh! My watch! Uh! Wet!

Mr. Templeton said for you to relax,

Julius, dear.

I'll have your clothes pressed like new

in just no time.

[Nasal voice] That's fine, Anna.

It's kind of large,

but that's a good-looking

shirt on you.

Thank you.

Mr. Templeton, I'm so sorry about the house.

It's just a mess. I'd like to clean it up.

Don't worry about it.

I'm worried about your foot.

He hurt your foot, didn't he?

He stepped on it in the waste basket,

and he's not too thin.

Poor Mr. pritter. How is he?

He's kind of hiding

while Anna cleans his clothes.

He was a mess, believe me.

I shouldn't laugh, but did you see him

when he took the fish out of his shirt?

They seemed to enjoy it.

They're still swimming around there,

kind of exhilarated.

You know something?

I've got a confession to make.

What?

I'm not really sorry you hurt your foot.

Feels kind of good.

I have a confession to make, too.

You've got the wrong foot.

Yeah, it's this one.

Ooh! Right in there is where he stepped on it.

It's kind of swollen.

Yes, it is.

Maybe we should rub some more cake on it.

Oh, no!

Gee, I'm sorry about that cake.

Not half as sorry as I am.

You really like it that much?

That's my main food, staple diet.

Well, why don't I bake another one?

That's a marvelous idea.

Anna has a perfectly organized kitchen.

I'm a great assistant pastry cook. Let's go.

Let's ruin our waistlines.

All right.

[Sinister music playing]

I just can't get over it.

I've never seen a kitchen like this.

Really? It's all very simple.

Everything works from over here.

Push-button stuff.

Come here. Look at this.

Infrared rays for baking--

no heat, no sweat.

Radiation equivalent

to 1,000 degrees fahrenheit.

What do you think of that?

It's like an operating room.

Well, let's start operating.

Ok.

What's your secret formula?

Well, the secret's in the beating.

You whip the egg whites stiff but never dry.

Stiff but never dry.

Remember that.

First we'll get rid of these.

[High-pitched noise]

Photoelectric cell.

Really? I'm so impressed. Ha!

Uh...Would a kitchen like this

have an eggbeater?

An eggbeater?

Uh-huh.

One eggbeater, coming up.

I don't believe it! Ha ha ha!

Boy, this kitchen doesn't need a woman.

Jenny, you're the one good thing

in this kitchen

I didn't make provision for,

but in case you're a sloppy cook,

I made provision for that.

Look at this.

[Whirring noise]

It's alive!

They call it an automatic floor cleaner.

It has eyes!

Watch this.

It's got a nose, too.

And what's that thing in the back?

The little...

It's an oscillating suction chamber,

believe it or not.

Really, is it?

Really.

Where does it go?

In its little house. We call it the bug.

There will be one in every home someday.

Oh, not in mine! Oh, boy!

Oh, the egg whites are finished.

Wait, wait.

Press the red button.

This one?

Mm-hmm.

I don't believe it!

Isn't that cute?

It really is.

Ha ha ha!

It's incredible!

It only takes three minutes,

and it's finished?

Time is relative in the space age.

What's the next move?

Let's see. We turn it down to 350.

Control to operator. Green for go 350.

And it just pops open when it's done?

Just like a flower. Talking of flour,

you're a mess. Come here.

Oh, I'm a messy cook. Thank you.

Hey!

What?

You always had all those freckles?

Yes.

They're cute.

Thank you. When I was a little girl,

I used to hope they'd all grow together

so that it would look like I had a tan.

But the boys chased you anyway?

Oh, I could run like a deer.

You still want to?

[Knock on door]

Yeah?

Anna: Your private phone.

Mr. molloy calling from Washington.

Ok, Anna.

Don't you nibble at that while I'm gone.

Ohh!

My cake?

[Whirring noise]

Aah!

Ow!

Ow! Get--get out of there!

Oh! Oh!

Ow! Ow!

Get out of there!

Give me back my slipper!

You get off!

Get off of me!

Oh!

You give me back my shoe!

Oh!

[Growl]

This is the quickest trip

I've ever made to catalina.

How fast are we going?

We're going plenty fast,

but it's classified.

We're developing rimcop for the Navy.

What does that mean?

Huh? Rimcop?

Robot-insured manned observation post.

How do you like that?

Oh!

This craft could be operated

from great distances by remote control.

Pick your target,

press that button, and jowie!

Really?

Hey, this is like I have on my TV.

Same idea,

except I can't get the late, late show.

Here, you steer.

I'd rather not do that.

Come on. Are you or are you not the girl

in the glass bottom boat?

I are.

There you go, sailor.

Press the middle lever for more speed.

Ok, you asked for it.

Oh! Oh! Our thing!

What thing?

Quick! The remote gadget!

What?

How do I stop this thing?!

It's under the cowling!

There's a switch under the cowling!

What?! Oh!

Jenny, don't worry! I'll steer you between them!

Hey!

Hey!

Over! Get over, you! Over!

Hey! Out of the way!

Out of the way!

Look out! Turn!

I'm sorry!

Give me that.

Pop!

Great balls of fire!

Nina: Look out! The boat's coming this way.

Watch out!

Pop, look out!

Look out, Jenny! Look out!

You're heading for shore!

Hard to port!

Uh...Jump!

Fat chance of selling that to the Navy.

Jump!

Hey! Look out, everybody!

I'm coming!

Pop: Hard to port!

[Hawaiian music playing]

[Car horns honking]

Come on, sit down.

¶ All aboard, all aboard on the glass bottom boat ¶

¶ that's the greatest show that was ever afloat ¶

¶ take a ride on the tide with a guide and see ¶

¶ the way-out wonders of the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ the deep, blue sea, the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ there's a lot to see in the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ the sailfish sail, and the blowfish blow ¶

¶ cockles and mussels, alive, alive, oh ¶

¶ well, the hermit crab, he lives alone ¶

¶ you can't even get him on the telephone ¶

¶ the Halibut's eyes turn up and in ¶

¶ he don't know where he's going ¶

¶ but he knows where he's been ¶

¶ well, the deep, blue sea... ¶

Jenny! You'll stay like that!

¶ In the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ the glass bottom boat, you will agree ¶

¶ will show you the magic of the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ spiny crabs and whitefish, too ¶

¶ they'll all be there, what a hullabaloo ¶

¶ with so many fish upon the scene ¶

¶ there's hardly room for a fat sardine ¶

¶ well, the deep, blue sea, the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ there's a lot going on-- ¶

¶ in the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ on the glass bottom boat is great ¶

¶ I'm the captain ¶

¶ you can use a mate ¶

¶ speak for yourself, little Jenny girl ¶

¶ the turtle is slow, but not so dumb ¶

¶ he carries his own condominium ¶

¶ the blue point oyster was caught with a poil (Pearl) ¶

¶ he swore he didn't even know the goil (Girl) ¶

¶ oh, the deep, blue sea, the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ there's a lot to see in the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ the glass bottom boat, you will agree ¶

¶ will show you the magic of the deep, blue sea ¶

¶ oh, come along on the big clambake ¶

¶ and watch that swordfish cut the cake ¶

¶ when the barracuda makes the scene ¶

¶ the jellyfish shivers like a tambourine ¶

¶ the flying fish is an awful ham ¶

¶ made a three-point landing in a frying pan ¶

¶ the porpoise has the most horsepower ¶

¶ and the whale's the one with the built-in shower ¶

¶ starfish, starfish, two heads all ¶

¶ abalone casserole ¶

¶ giant, giant, giant kelp ¶

Nina: That's beautiful!

It's just beautiful.

It's too fast.

You asked for it.

You wanted to do it.

More!

¶ Mi ¶

¶ when I was just a little girl ¶

¶ I asked my father ¶

¶ "what should I be?" ¶

¶ "should I be reckless? Should I be shy?" ¶

¶ here's what he said to me ¶

¶ que sera, sera ¶

¶ whatever will be, will be ¶

¶ the future's not ours to see ¶

¶ que sera, sera ¶

give us a little thing on the end.

Oh, you're beautiful. You're beautiful.

Jenny, sorry to break this up,

but Zack seems to ferret me out

just wherever I am.

Oh, I'm sorry, too.

Are you really?

Yes, I am, really.

Jenny, um...You see that moon up there?

You mean that moon up there?

Yeah, that's the one.

Yeah.

Well, right next to that moon up there

is a planet called Venus,

and I just hate to leave a girl alone

looking at a planet like Venus.

You see, what I'm trying to say

is that Venus is shining

just as beautifully over at my house.

Doesn't that make sense?

And also what I'm trying to say

is I wouldn't be all alone

with my musty old equations.

Doesn't that make sense, too?

Jenny, I think you're

trying to tell me something.

Good night.

Thanks.

Let's go, Jim!

¶ Soft as the starlight in the sky ¶

¶ soft as the kiss when we said good-bye ¶

¶ warm is the glow from the moon above ¶

¶ warm is my heart that is filled with love ¶

¶ love that only you can bring ¶

¶ love as soft and warm as spring ¶

¶ my heart knows the reason why ¶

¶ I feel soft as the starlit sky ¶

¶ dreams become reality ¶

¶ darling, when you're near to me ¶

¶ so I'll dream of you inside ¶

¶ I feel soft as the starlit sky ¶

¶ soft as the starlight in the sky ¶

¶ soft as the starlight in the sky ¶

impossible.

The whole thing's ridiculous.

You guys are off your collective rocker.

Mr. Templeton, classified information

has been leaking from space plants,

a spy ring is operating,

and an innocent-appearing woman like Jennifer Nelson

could well be part of it.

Yeah? And I'm partial to blond foreign agents.

Is that it?

You don't go along with that, huh?

What do you think?

Brief him, homer.

As chief security officer

of this plant--

that is, until Mr. Johnson

returns from vacation--

it is my sworn duty--

homer, you're not running for election.

Get to the point.

Point one--

she's a pretty

strange-acting female.

Templeton: Yeah, I'll buy that, homer. What's point two?

Well, sir,

I don't see you picking up the phone

three and four times a day

and talking in code,

like she does

three or four times a day.

How does someone talk to someone in code, homer?

She dials...

Then she says in the receiver,

"1, 2, 3,

4, 5, 6."

"That's all for now, Vladimir."

Vladimir?

Vladimir-- an old Indian name

from a tribe on the outskirts of moscow.

Go ahead, homer.

And I don't see you, sir,

making fires in your wastebasket

and burning secret papers

in the middle of the night

like she does.

What?

Oh, she's clever, sir. Clever.

Mr. Templeton,

does this mean anything to you?

"Cash on delivery plus XY squared."

Yeah, I guess so.

It's the work of a crackpot.

Go on, homer.

Well, you wrote it on a pad, sir,

when I was over there, remember?

The day, uh, she returned

your tiger-striped bikini.

Well, that's--that's nothing. Forget it.

It must be something,

or you wouldn't have written it.

If you must know, it's a formula

for putting Mars and Venus together in the same orbit.

You need a rest.

As soon as this is over, we're going to--

look, shut up, Zack. This is junk.

Then why was it transmitted by shortwave radio?

Mm-hmm. We intercepted it last night.

Brief him on that, too, homer.

She's got a 20-foot aerial

rigged at her house--shortwave.

How do you know she operates it?

We intend to check that out,

but it looks like somebody wants gismo pretty bad.

If they don't already have it.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

This vault of 10-inch steel plate

will open only to the frequency

of my own voice repeating this equation--

"g" for gamma. "B" for beta.

"A" for Alpha.

"Omega" for open sesame.

Any questions?

I never doubted that the plans were safe,

but they are a prime target,

just as you are.

All he's saying is,

why don't you

stick to your math?

That's right, sir,

and let us handle mata hari.

All I'm saying is, lay off!

There's an explanation for all this,

and I'll find it.

Let's keep the whole mess quiet.

If the general gets wind of this--

oh, boy!

I'm supposed to pick him up at the airport.

Are you coming?

No. I'm going to bed--alone.

Oh, by the way, not to talk out of school,

I invited your little spy friend home tonight

for fun and games.

You know something? She turned me down flat,

which proves she's

the nice little girl I thought she was

and certainly no mata hari!

[Music playing]

[Car door closes]

Hello.

Well, hello.

You, uh, changed your mind.

Yes, I guess I did.

Well, fine. I'm glad.

Are you glad?

Well, of course.

Bruce... Is something wrong?

Hmm? Why do you say that?

You've got gismo...

And I want it.

I feel something. I...

Oh, well, I hope you do.

Mata hari stops at nothing.

Nothing comes between mata hari

and what she wants.

What did you say?

Bruce, are you all right?

You--you look strange.

I will gladly give my life

because I have

stolen the secret from you--

this thing you call gismo.

[Gunshot]

Whoo. I think I'd better go.

It is late.

I made a mistake.

No, I made the mistake.

It's just, for one crazy second,

I--I...

Well, it's all pretty silly,

so it doesn't...

No, I should go.

No, no. I love the music you put on.

In fact, I love everything about you.

Yes, but you were looking at me

as if you'd never seen me before. You were.

Maybe I never have, really, until now.

Bruce, are you sure that you feel all right?

I'm positive.

Oh! Aah!

Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm--oh, I'm-- oh, I'm so clumsy.

That--that's ok.

I've got to take a shower, anyway.

Oh, I'll clean up.

Yeah. Well, you just get dry.

Wait here, and I'll slip into

something more comfortable.

We'll get you set up in the guest room

in just a minute.

Well, on the double. I'm beat.

Excuse me, general.

[Whistles]

How would you like to kiss me

without soda water?

[Jennifer screams]

Who are you? Who is he?

Zack molloy, my partner.

He drops in every now and then to molest women.

Hey, pal, you want to tell me

who I've been molesting?

I don't mind at all. That's Jennifer Nelson.

Very glad to--

that's Jennifer Nelson?

I'm in public relations.

Oh, you're doing a fine job.

Well, I guess I'd better say good night.

Wait a minute. I'll drive you home.

No, I have my car. Thank you--aah!

That's general bleecker.

How do you do, general?

And good night.

Have a nice trip, general?

Uneventful, until now.

I am so sorry.

I know.

I've just never been so embarrassed.

You didn't tell me you had guests!

Jenny, it's all right.

I picked up the peanuts first,

and then I turned out the lights

and was waiting for you.

I understand.

And then your partner--

Zack. I understand.

I'll see you tomorrow night

at the party.

Good night.

Good night.

Uh, Jenny?

Hey--what-- oh, hello.

I just--

Mr. pritter,

you are in great trouble.

What?

You have taken our money

under false pretenses.

Pretenses?

Yes. Your output for two years

has been cleverly revised excerpts

from space magazine,

aerial digest,

and popular mechanics.

You think I'm-- ha ha ha!

And now, huh?

This meaningless scrawl.

You have caused us great embarrassment.

Um--

and also, someone apparently

has gone over our head.

Ahh--

who is Jennifer Nelson?

Uh--must be some girl.

Ha ha ha! Right?

Ha--

who's Vladimir?

V-v-v-vlad-- I don't know.

You make it a point to know.

Unbelievable how hot the end of a cigar gets.

[Stammering]

You wish to say something?

Yes. I'll gladly return the money.

I could borrow it.

Something more constructive.

Uh--uh...N-name it.

You. You name it. I'll do it.

I'll--

this party tomorrow night.

You installed the p.A. System, did you not?

Yes. No. Wait. No, I just fixed it.

I put the speakers--

but you have access.

Access, yes.

We want to know who this girl is.

You want to know who she is?

And if she has the correct equation, we want it.

You want it.

And put this on the band in code.

Yeah. Ok, you just have to tell me what you want.

Put this on the-- ooh. It's cold.

I put on the band in code,

and then I'll turn this on. Ok.

Get the earphones, you know.

Wait. Yeah, I...

[Beeping]

[Man speaking Russian on shortwave radio]

[Thunder]

[Telephone rings]

[Voice inaudible]

What the devil's going on here?

Oh, general!

Well, who is Vladimir?

What are you keeping from me?

There's nothing for you to worry about, general.

The CIA's on the case.

We're checking on the girl right now.

Girl? Girl? What girl?

Uh--uh--girl. Uh...The one you met.

What-- you mean the--

she is a foreign agent?

A small cog in the wheel,

but we've got her staked out for the big fish.

Is gismo--

[quietly] Is gismo safe?

Yes.

Now, you just run along to sleep.

[Whispers] All is well.

Well, it had... Better be.

Pop: Unit 4, Los Angeles. Unit 4, Los Angeles.

This is 11-q-1173, unit two, Santa catalina calling.

Come in, please.

Unit 4, Los Angeles. Unit 4, Los Angeles.

This is 11-q-1173, unit two, Santa catalina.

Come in, please.

Vladdie!

What are you doing in mama's bed?

You scalawag. Huh?

Unit two, Santa catalina. Come in, please.

Unit 4, Los Angeles. Unit 4, Los Angeles.

This is 11-q-1173,

unit two, Santa catalina.

Come in, please.

Ok, pop, it's me.

[Myna bird talks]

That's Arnold. Ha ha ha!

Jenny, I thought you told me

you already have been security-checked

at that fireworks factory of yours.

Jenny: I have been.

Well, what's going on?

There's a couple of weird characters over here

asking a lot of questions.

About what?

About you.

About me?

Oh, well, haven't you heard, my dear?

Your daughter is just about

the most dangerous woman in all of Lisbon.

I mean, they say that one word from me, and...

[Whistles]

Forget it.

Cut it out.

Ok, well, it does figure, now, doesn't it, pop?

After all, I am engaged in very confidential work

with a space-age genius.

How you doing with him?

Classified.

Are you in love?

[Mechanical voice] I'm sorry.

We cannot give out that information.

Arnold: Oh, no.

Oh, no.

[Doorbell ringing]

Pop, hold on, will you? My bell's ringing.

Yes?

Good morning. Mrs. Nelson, isn't it?

Yes, I'm Mrs. Nelson,

but I'm very busy at the moment.

My name is carstairs,

from down the block.

We're getting up a petition

protesting all those traffic signals

they're installing.

Well, some other time, Mr. car--I'm very busy.

Lord knows I have nothing against traffic signals.

I mean, children's safety and all that,

but they ping all night.

They ping, ping red,

ping, ping, Amber,

ping, ping green...

Pop: Come in, unit 4.

Excuse me, Mr. ping-- uh, carstairs.

I'll be right back.

Sorry, pop. Where were we?

You were the most dangerous woman in Lisbon

and were engaged in the most secret stuff--

so secret that you couldn't get it out of you

with hot pincers.

How about a little clue, huh?

Tonight's the big night.

I'm glad you reminded me. Will you call Vladimir today?

No.

Oh, please. It's very important to me.

Vladimir's been terribly edgy lately.

Last night, he did something he hasn't done in months.

What?

Jumped into bed with me.

Pop: The hound! He ought to be shot.

Oh, boy, you're a hard, cruel man, captain nordstrom.

You really are.

Those creeps are getting closer again.

I swear, if they put one foot in my boat,

I'll wrap them in concrete

and dump them in the harbor.

Go get them, tiger!

Over and out.

[Door closes]

Mr. carstairs?

Aah!

[Woman screams]

Well, hi, mabel. Hi, Norman.

Hi.

Mutnyik is better-looking than that guy.

Mutnyik's father

is better-looking than that guy.

Give me that jacket, will you, pal?

Give me that jacket, will you, pal?

I sometimes think

you're hard of hearing or something.

You read cripps' report.

Tonight's the night.

I certainly hope so.

What does she have to do to convince you?

Get moscow on that shortwave of hers?

Or maybe you'd like to see some home movies

of Vladimir jumping in bed with her?

Knock it off, will you?

That was in cripps' report, too.

You know something?

Cripps' head needs a long vacation.

For that matter, so does yours.

What's the matter with you?

You're getting as nervous as the general.

I know where there's a great party.

You can come as my guest.

Your guest? This whole thing was my idea.

Come on, I'll buy you a drink.

Buy me a drink?

I'm picking up half the tab here.

You're picking up the whole tab.

What are you talking about?

Well, how's it going, Ralph?

Public relations-wise, we are a smash.

Ooh.

Ooh. I say.

Oh!

[Dong]

It's nice of you to come.

Bruce: Oh, it's Ken and Helen.

Hello. How are you?

Hello. Nice of you to come.

Well, no sign of her yet, pal.

Don't worry. Your super-spy will be here.

[High-pitched squeal]

Zack: I hate these things.

Bruce: Don't eat them.

I'm eating out of frustration.

My ulcers are getting a little rowdy, too.

Matter of fact,

they're getting red, white, and blue

in honor of losing our government contract.

We're not going to lose anything.

Relax and enjoy yourself.

[Squealing]

Nerves.

Hi, Anna.

Jenny! Oh, you look lovely.

Thank you.

Oh, wait till Mr. Templeton sees you.

You think he'll like it?

He'll like it and what's in it.

Lemonade for Julius.

Julius is here? My cake!

Poor dear worked like a trojan all day.

Even helped me with the hors d'oeuvres.

I'm putting this in a safe place.

Another cake?

Mm-hmm.

Jenny, you're spoiling that man.

That's the plan.

Ha ha ha!

Well, having fun, general?

Fun? Fun?

Gentlemen, we are on a spy hunt.

According to hill,

we're bound to make contact tonight.

That's why I want

to be particularly careful that--

where is hill?

Well, he's not here yet,

but we do have security men all over the place.

You may be sure, if Mrs. Nelson is a spy--

if?

If, did you say?

Until she is proven innocent,

she is guilty,

and that is my motto.

Well put, general.

Uh...Until proven innocent. Good motto.

Good evening.

Bruce: Hey, Jenny!

Good evening.

You remember Zack molloy, don't you?

Mmm, yes. We've met.

And perhaps you remember general bleecker?

Oh, hello.

Mrs. Nelson,

the band is playing my favorite tune.

I wonder if--

yes, well, with your permission,

I think I'll fly the first mission, general.

Excuse us.

Thank you.

You know, you haven't said a word about my new dress.

Very lovely.

I haven't really been looking at it.

I've been looking at you.

Bruce, this house

is just perfect for a party.

Everything's so beautiful.

Yes, it is.

Isn't it marvelous what a new dress will do?

Huh?

Molloy, I don't like to say this,

but we just can't depend on your partner.

Sir, Bruce is--

uh-uh.

What do you think of the new guesthouse

for visiting brass?

Is it just for visiting brass?

I think we could accommodate

a little girl from catalina.

He is obviously enamored of that young woman,

and in my book, love and war...

Don't mix.

Good motto, sir.

What do you suggest?

Well, for now, eyes peeled, full alert.

Remember, anyone in this room might be Vladimir...

Anyone.

And here we have the red room.

Well, as you can see, we have red carpet,

and red walls and red ceiling.

And then of course,

next door, there's the blue room,

and that has blue carpet

and blue walls and a blue ceiling

and, uh--

I love you.

Jenny.

I do.

I love you.

[Telephone rings]

The phone's ringing.

I didn't think it could ever happen again,

but it...

[Ring]

But it did.

The phone's ringing.

I don't care about the phone.

I love you. Answer the phone.

I'm in love with you.

It couldn't be that important.

I will not answer it.

Please?

Zack: Bruce.

Come to the vault room right away.

What for?

Hill's on the phone. Wants to talk to you.

Says it's important.

Ok.

He says it's urgent.

Get used to it. I'll be right back.

[Women laughing]

He's calling from the plant.

Hello, hill?

Why don't you come down and join the party?

You're working overtime, you know.

So is your lady friend,

judging by the contents of her desk.

What are you talking about?

Let me sort this out

and start at the beginning.

Oh! Vladimir.

Oh, vladdie.

Bruce: For the last time,

Jennifer Nelson is not a spy!

Why don't you stop wasting time with this witch hunt?

Ok, help me waste some more.

Would you go over that again about project Venus?

I told you, there is no project Venus.

There never was. It was just a gag.

It was something I cooked up to make time,

to take the chill off it.

I don't have to go into all this.

Hill: Apparently, she believed everything you told her.

Well, she was supposed to.

Mr. Templeton,

are you sure she isn't making time with you?

Now what are you talking about?

You love banana cream cake,

so she bakes you a banana cream cake.

How did it come out?

I wouldn't know.

I hate cake, and I hate bananas.

That makes banana cream cake a double hate.

Still, you told her.

She won a prize for it.

If she'd won a prize for octopus pudding,

I would have loved that, too!

Ok. Just keep an eye on her till I get there.

We intend to.

Every phone in the house is bugged.

Now, wait. Listen, all of you.

Hill, are you still there?

Listen, this girl couldn't possibly be a spy.

To begin with, this girl hasn't got the brains

to be a spy.

That is what you think.

I have seen spies before.

She's got that same shifty-eyed look.

And they generally used oversexed girls

for this line of work,

and judging from that lipstick

you walked in with--

hill: Mr. Templeton,

we must keep her under surveillance.

I'd appreciate your cooperation

in staying close to her all evening.

All evening? All night, if necessary.

Fine. See you later.

I was just having a little nip

to quiet my nerves. Where are you going?

Home.

Home? The fun hasn't even begun.

You're so right, Anna.

The fun hasn't even begun.

Are you all right, dear?

Uh... What's the matter?

What are you drinking?

Hooch.

That's half-scotch, half-bourbon.

It sounds delicious.

To a big dope...

Who's a lot smarter than they think.

Aah!

Aah!

What's the trouble?

I thought I saw one of those hors d'oeuvres move.

Oh, sure. Probably a shrimp

trying to get back to sea.

Ha ha ha!

In case you're interested--

oh, I know.

If we want you, you'll be in the red room.

That's right. You play your games,

and I'll play mine.

Ok. Ok.

Molloy, we just can't depend on your partner.

It's up to us.

Well, what do you suggest?

Well, if worst comes to worst,

one of us will just have to spend the night with her.

We've got to fight fire with fire.

May I volunteer, sir?

I admire your spirit,

but this is one mission

I may have to take on myself.

Hello.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Nelson.

If you're looking for Bruce...

He left.

Really? Oh, that's too bad.

That means you and I

can have the next dance, general.

The next dance?

Why can't we have this one?

We can, if you'll just give me a chance

to go powder my nose

and make one teeny-weeny little phone call.

Don't you go away.

[Whispers] Phone call.

Phone call.

Phone call?

Phone call.

All: Phone call.

[Beeping]

[Dialing]

[Telephone rings]

Hello?

Hello. Vassily? Don't talk. Just listen.

The goods you ordered will be at pier 63,

San Pedro, before midnight.

Your contact will be wearing a black windbreaker

and a patch over his left eye.

The recognition signal is "Vladimir sent me."

Over.

Over? Over what?

Black patch, a windbreaker.

[Line disconnects]

Have you got somebody to cover pier 63?

Every man here's

on special assignment.

The two I sent to catalina--

one was my brother-in-law--

never returned.

Well, get somebody! Get ahold of hill.

[Dialing]

[Ring]

Yes? Who is it?

Hello. Ahem. 104.

Don't talk. Just listen.

T-o-s to 104. Are you there?

Yes. Yes. I'm here. What is it?

We're having trouble with our deliveries,

but we hope to have it...

On the way by morning.

Over.

Thank you very much. I'll tell my son.

[Click]

I want someone on pier 63.

I'll try to find someone, sir.

Hurry up, general.

You're dancing with her. Get upstairs.

Oh! Yes, yes. Oh.

Jenny, darling.

Ha ha! Jenny?

Here she comes.

Now get in there.

Remember, this is for our side.

I've been waiting.

I...Haven't felt like this

since culver military academy.

Oh, I love older men.

They make me feel so secure, you know?

Yes, I know.

I feel I can talk to them.

Oh, you can talk to me.

Oh...And share secrets with them.

Oh, you can share secrets with me.

Well...

Um, I am arranging to spend the night in the guesthouse.

Perhaps we could, um, get together later.

Your place or mine?

Oh, my! You are direct.

That's my motto.

"Old frontal attack" bleecker,

they call me.

Ok, "frontal."

My place.

Uh, in the red room

at exactly-- let's see now--

12:00 midnight.

12:00 sharp midnight.

I'll be there at 5 minutes after 12:00,

but you wait for me, you hear?

Oh, I'll be waiting...

With bells on.

Oh, no medals, general.

I'm terribly sensitive.

Psst!

Psst!

It's me.

Cripps, what the devil

are you made up for?

No man's land.

The powder room--

in case she goes there again.

What is going on?

There's to be a rendezvous with Vladimir, I think.

Vladimir?

Pier 63. My men were busy, so I sent someone else.

Becoming color.

Oh, thank you.

May I get you a refreshment, my dear?

Yes. Champagne.

Then I'll feel like I'm still dancing with you.

Hey, baby.

Zack.

Am I glad to see you.

Well, what did you do to the general?

He is flying.

Forget it, sweetheart. I can't stand older men.

You're kidding.

I was married to one once.

Oh.

Spent all my nights playing dominoes.

You know what I mean?

D-u-l, dull.

Well, tell me, how do I grab you?

You're just the right age, zackie.

You keep that up,

and I'm going to be a lot older.

You know, when I kissed you last night,

something went bong.

Yeah. I heard it.

Well, you should have. It was a loud bong.

Yeah.

What do we do now?

We're adults, aren't we?

So let's act like a couple of kids.

Well...

I'm planning on spending the night here.

Want to get together later?

You tell me where and when.

[Whispering] In the red room...

In the red room...

At 5 after 12:00.

At 5 after 12:00.

With bells on?

And pajama bottoms...Or tops.

Here you are, my dear.

Oh, thank you, Wallace.

To your beauty.

Oh, sweet.

Na zdorovye.

Cheers, y'all.

Oh, I almost forgot.

I have to make a phone call.

My sick aunt. Will you excuse me?

I'll be right back.

Follow her. I'll cover the phone.

Right.

0-6-4. 0-6-4. Come in, please.

All phones bugged.

Now hear this.

Mary had a little lamb.

Its fleece was white as snow.

That is all.

Over and out.

Oh!

Uh, d-d--

m-may I have this dance?

Uh, o-officer?

Would you like--

knock it off, Buster.

I've been watching you all evening.

You've been acting very suspiciously,

especially around the buffet table.

The buffet table.

And you haven't taken a bite.

Well, I'm trying to-- you know--

I see you like olives. So do I.

[Feedback]

This one looks like it's made of metal.

I love them that way.

What's wrong with that olive?

[Crunch]

[Muffled] Nothing.

It's delicious.

[Electronic beeping]

[Crunching]

[Swallows]

Oh, hello, general. Have you seen Jenny?

Uh, Jenny?

Jenny.

Oh, Jenny!

Jenny.

Uh, no. Good night, old man.

Wait a minute.

You're not folding up this early.

Oh, it's quite late for me, you know.

Almost 12:00, my bedtime.

Sleep, uh, sleep well.

[Yawn]

Oh, hi, old buddy.

Hi. Where's Jenny?

Huh? Jenny?

I don't know. Good night.

Where are you going?

I'm going to bed. The little fellas

need 9 hours, you know. Good night.

Wait a minute.

You haven't been to bed before 12:00

since you kicked the pabulum habit.

What's going on?

Shh. Simmer down. I've got a date.

With whom?

With Jenny, that's with who.

Whom. With Jenny?

Yeah. She wants to worm some military secrets

out of me.

Fortunately, I don't know any,

but I'm willing to make some up.

You wouldn't hit a coward, now, would you?

[Humming]

You got room?

Mm-hmm. Yes. I can see. Thank you.

Excuse me, miss. Your bow is untied.

Oh, really?

Yes. Can I help?

You're so kind.

Would you be good enough?

Yes. Just, uh, step back here toward the lamp.

Oh! It's satin!

Satin does slip, doesn't it?

Yes. I'm very partial to satin.

Oh?

I was married in satin.

Oh.

That is, my first marriage.

[Humming]

There we are. That's a lovely bow.

There.

Thank you so much.

Oh, you're welcome, dear.

You're sweet.

Aah! Aah!

Where do you think you're going?

Who do you think you're talking to?

And get out of my--

you're staying here.

I am not staying here.

You're staying here until you tell me

what's going on around here.

Is something going on? I hadn't noticed.

I want to know what all this nutty talk is about!

What do you mean, nutty talk?

And give me my purse!

It has a two-way wrist radio in it.

That kind of nutty talk.

That's what I'm talking about.

Really? I'm also sending a message to the kremlin.

Really? And what kind of message is that?

My secret formula for octopus pudding.

[Speaking chinese]

Octop--aha! You listened in!

Aha! I listened in.

You just stay here.

I'm going up to general bleecker

and straighten out this whole mess.

I will not stay--

I said wait!

I said no!

I said wait!

I said no! Oh!

You'll wait.

Put me down!

You put me down!

Let me go! You put me down!

Ooh!

You let me out of here!

Wait!

I have a date!

I know you have--with Zack.

I'll keep it for you,

and incidentally bust him in the mouth!

Get me out! Help!

Help!

I want to talk to you a minute.

Those phone calls--

there is no question about it.

She's an agent operating for--

she's no more an agent than you are,

and if you're the best the CIA can come up with,

this country is in big trouble.

You look here. We'll have to detain her.

Mrs. Nelson can leave here whenever she wishes.

[Jenny banging]

What's that noise?

What? Oh. I locked her in the closet.

You said she was free to go.

She is, and so are you.

In fact, you're off the case.

Wait a minute.

Just take a long vacation at my expense.

You can't do this.

I can't? Come with me.

Operator, I want Washington, D.C.

I want central intelligence.

I want a man called Donald c. Headley.

Sure, I'll wait.

I'll show you whether you're on the--

hill? Hill!

Bruce on recording: This vault, a 10-inch steel plate,

will open only to the frequency of my own voice

repeating this equation.

"G" for gamma, "b" for beta,

"a" for Alpha,

"omega" for open sesame.

How long will you be, skipper?

Just long enough to find out what's going on.

What about these snoopers?

If they give you any trouble,

dump them overboard.

Take care now, skipper.

Everything will be ok

unless some other idiot asks me about Vladimir.

Vladimir sent me.

[Splash]

No, no! Please! Please!

Believe me, that's it, don.

Put some men onto it right away,

and I'll handle things this end. Right.

[Muttering]

Cripps! Homer cripps!

Cripps: Yes, sir!

You put two guards in the vault room,

seal the gates, and find Edgar hill.

Hill, did you say?

You heard me! Find him and hold him!

And his name's not hill,

and he's not with the CIA. Find him!

Not with the--

find him!

Right, sir.

Jenny: Help! Get me out of here!

Anna!

Somebody! Get me out of here!

Help!

Hey!

Get me out of here!

Help! Help!

Bruce: Jenny!

Jenny, darling, everything's ok.

I--I love you.

Ooh!

Jenny, I love you!

Jenny, and I love your banana cream cake!

Jenny?

Down! Down! Sit!

Get out of here!

Go on! Beat it!

You silly darn thing, now, beat it!

Go on! Get! Get!

[Beeping]

Man on radio: ¶ one on earth ¶

[humming]

[Off-key] ¶ be my love ¶

¶ for no one else ¶

¶ can end this yearning ¶

¶ yearning, yearning ¶

actually... I shouldn't be...

Enjoying this so much.

Hi-ho, h-hour.

[Humming]

Oops!

My only regret is that I have but one life

to give for my country.

Ahh.

Oh!

Yeah. Well, when you two are finished playing house,

I got news for you. For your information, this CIA--

Mr. Templeton, did you open the safe?

What? No.

Well, somebody did.

[Door closes]

Well, you want to meet early

and pick out the furniture?

Sit down, Mrs. Nelson!

Oh! Wh-what are you doing?

Sit down.

And don't yell.

First, who are you? And who are you...

Spying for?

Who are you spying for?

I don't know anything

about anything, do you hear me?

They decided I was a spy.

They had their fun,

and I've had mine. Now it is over!

Don't move!

It is not over, Mrs. Nelson.

It is over.

Now, let's start again.

Who is Vladimir?

What about gismo?

I've told you everything.

Talk, Mrs. Nelson.

It's unbelievable

how hot the end of a cigar gets.

You wouldn't dare--

oh, no? Heh heh heh! Yes!

In the spy business,

it's dog-eat-dog.

[Woof]

How can I tell you something I don't know?

[Coughing]

I--

[coughing]

What's the matter with you?

I don't smoke.

I'll get some water.

Yes, but no! Don't move!

Stay where you are!

But--

oh, Julius! Don't!

A water pistol? Oh!

Ooh!

Ooh! I could--

if I weren't a lady, I'd give you such a--

[sobbing]

Oh, sit down!

I'm a failure!

You are!

I can't do anything!

I don't feel good, either.

I never wanted to be a spy.

I never spied on anything.

Listen, I would defect,

but I don't know where to defect to.

But they're going to kill me!

What am I going to do?

I'll tell you what you're going to do.

You're going to make a clean breast

of the whole thing and tell them everything

and name names, that's what!

Names? I don't-- I don't know any names.

You get orders from someone, don't you?

Yeah, but only over the phone.

I would recognize his voice, though.

Well?

Some spy.

They didn't even give me a number.

Well, you're going to get one now.

That's gismo.

Gismo? You are a spy?

I am not a spy! Don't you say that anymore!

I don't know how that got in my purse!

You just shut up, Julius!

And I'm going to find out right now.

You didn't have to yell.

Don't talk like that.

We tried to hold him,

but he got away.

You've got his description.

Work on it.

We really goofed this one.

Bruce: You can say that again.

[Buzz]

Hello?

Jenny: Edgar hill, please.

Jenny, Jenny, listen, darling.

I've been trying to call you.

Let me--

I wish to speak with Edgar hill.

I thought you might, Mrs. Nelson.

Oh, Mr. hill, thank goodness you're here.

I--I was just calling you.

Bruce: Jenny!

Jenny!

What'd she say?

Where is she?

What's going on?

Call the local police right away. Step on it.

Me, sir?

What do you mean,

"me, sir?" You, sir. Step on it!

Right, sir.

Let's go.

Mr. Templeton, what's going on

with my daughter? Where is she?

Axel, she's in big trouble.

Show me where she lives, please.

We got her into this. Let's go.

And so we suspected you, of course.

That's the reason

we planted those phony plans in your purse.

Excuse me.

I think he's trying to tell you

he recognizes my voice.

Yeah. He's the one that gave me

the orders on the phone.

You're the spy!

At your service, Mrs. Nelson.

And now I've got an order for you.

Give me those.

You'll never get these plans from me, never.

Mrs. Nelson, I'd rather not do anything rash.

Come now.

Myna bird: Call a cop! Call a cop!

You leave her alone! Hah! Oh!

[Door closes]

Mayday. Mayday.

Unit 4 signaling mayday.

One more question. Who's Vladimir?

A dog.

I didn't ask your opinion of him.

What's his racket?

General bleecker here.

We are now proceeding to the scene of--

[coughing]

Would you stop that coughing?

Mayday. Mayday.

Anybody out there? Over.

Man over telephone: Heard you, unit 4.

This is gravy train,

Max's all-night diner. Repeat message.

Second man: Come in, gravy train.

This is albacore,

rocky reef lighthouse. What's up?

First man: I don't know.

Sounds like the dame is in trouble.

Jenny: Unit 4 here. Come in, please! Help!

Third man: Tijuana, Mexico. Can I patch up a phone call?

Aah!

[Gunshot]

Julius!

Oh, I'm sorry, Julius.

Ohh!

Hey!

She's a nice lady!

Ooh! Oh!

Get back, you traitor, you!

Oh!

[Crashing]

Norman! Did you hear that?

Must be a drunken cat or something.

[Footsteps running]

[Crashing]

[Whispers] Look! Norman!

[Barking]

Shut up, will you?

You sound like a dog.

There are two people in this house!

Yeah, and one of them is nuts!

[Woof]

Oh!

Mabel, shh!

Aah! Norman! Norman!

Shut up!

You can't talk to me that way!

Will you shut up and let me sleep?

Turn!

Huh? Wha--

aah!

Well, come--

Bruce: Jenny! Jenny! We're here!

[Horn blaring]

Jenny, where are you?

Voice: Help is on the way.

Call a cop! Call a cop!

Who's that?

The myna birds.

The what?

The myna birds!

Call a cop! Call a cop!

[All shouting]

Julius: Officer, can I speak to you a moment? Officer!

Hello, mabel.

Aah!

Bruce: Jenny! Jenny!

Jenny!

[Wedding march playing]

[Crash]

Oh, no!

[Car horns honking]

Captioning made possible by Warner bros.

Captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.

Public performance of captions prohibited without permission of national captioning institute