All language subtitles for Superstore s04e13_English

- And that's pretty much it
for this morning.

[birds screeching]
Except remember to be

on the lookout
for jilted lovers.

We'd like to break the streak
of revenge stabbings

this Valentine's.

Any questions?

- We can't hear anything
you're saying.

- What?

- We can't hear anything
you're saying!

- I'm sorry. I--I'm having
a hard time

hearing you over the birds.

- Maybe Dina shouldn't
have brought

her loud, dirty birds
into work.

- The birds are suffering
severe separation anxiety.

What am I supposed to do?
Leave them home alone?

- I mean, traditionally,
that is what you do with pets.

[clanging, screeching]

- If Dina can bring in
her birds,

I'd like to bring in my cat.
He's very sick with dysentery.

- This is insane.
It smells

like Toucan Sam's butthole!

- Just because you eat
something fruity,

doesn't make your butt
smell fruity.

- For birds, it does.

Small berries pass through them
virtually undigested.

- Okay, good meeting,
everyone!

all: What?

[upbeat music]

- Attention Cloud 9 shoppers,

today we celebrate
St. Valentine,

a priest who was beaten,
stoned,

dragged through town,
and decapitated.

Some say the color red
represents the pools of blood

around his body.

Cute teddy bears are 15% off.

- What are you getting me
for Valentine's Day?

- Is it Valentine's Day?

- Mm-hmm.
You didn't get me something?

- Do you have
any Valentine's Day cards

for my wife

that are cheaper than this?

- Well, that one's a dollar,
so, no.

- Forget it.
I'll just text her.

- Love is in the air.

- Oh, come on!

Don't go all cynical on me.
This is a big day.

This is our first Valentine's
as... daters?

Not really a good word
for an adult relationship.

- No, boyfriend/girlfriend
makes us sound like

we're in 8th grade.

- [chuckles] Lovers is gross.

- Ugh. Partners?

- What are we, lesbians that
own a candle shop together?

- Fair point.

- My main squeeze?
- Don't do that again.

- No?
- No.

- You don't like that,
main squeeze?

- I don't like that,
main squeeze.

- Give me a squeeze.

- How much would it be
for just one Post-It?

I don't need the whole pack.

- It's not how it works.

- If any of you guys
don't have plans,

I'm going to an
anti-Valentine's Day party

tonight with some college kids.

Should be a ton of ween
and the flyer says

no one shall be turned away.

- I'll go.

Jerry's working late
again tonight,

so I'm on my own.
- Wow, again.

It's funny that a sign spinner

would keep those kinds
of hours.

- I know.
- Sandra?

Do you have
any plans for tonight?

- Nope. Nuh-uh.

Not seeing anyone,

so I'm just gonna hang alone
in the ol' apartmentito.

- So sad.
- Isn't it?

- Hey, Dana?

So I don't know
what you thought you saw

me and Jerry doing
during the blizzard.

- Oh, I know what I saw.

It was like Winnie the Pooh
with his head in the honeypot.

- What had happened was I had
spilled coffee on my pants,

so I took them off to dry,
and Jerry came over to help,

but he tripped and tipped over
into my crotch, so--

- Stop, please.

I'm not gonna tell anyone
about your little affair.

- Okay, thank you.
I hate having secrets,

although the sneaking around
has made it even sexier.

- Nope, nope, nope.
That's gross.

- He comes over every night,

and sometimes
we make lasagna together

and eat it off
each other's bodies.

- Elias, I'm gonna need you
to clean up the vomit

that's gonna be all over
the ladies' bathroom

in about three minutes.

Go on.

- Everyone's calm.
No eye contact.

- Seems like a lot of work
just to buy some chips.

- I'm not gonna let
some stupid birds

stop me from getting
my morning Takis.

- You know we sell Takis
in the store, right?

- Uh-huh, but I like
the little ones

that come out of
the vending machine.

- Aww, I like learning
about your little rituals.

- So you want Cheyenne
to tattoo your mom's face

on your back
as a gift to your mom?

- Yeah, I was gonna go
to a pro,

but you cannot get
an appointment

at a tattoo parlor
on Valentine's Day.

- Don't worry,
my instructor says

that I'm the best in the class.

He was trained by the guy
who did Steve-O's back.

- I'm sorry,
I'm still not over this.

You want a tattoo of your mom,
for your mom,

on Valentine's Day.
Why?

- 'Cause I'm her special guy,

and the tattoo will be
a surprise

for when she scratches my back
while I fall asleep.

Don't make this weird.
- Yeah, I made it weird.

- Which sweater makes me look
more like a wise dad,

the charcoal or the smoke?

- Hmm, I think the charcoal.

- [scoffs] That's the smoke.

[chuckles] Dina's right,
you don't know fashion.

- Okay. Well, what do you
need them for?

- Oh, I'm making videos
of myself for Rose to watch

when I'm not home
'cause, you know,

I work here
16 to 19 hours a day,

so I'm missing
a lot of time with her.

- Wait, what--why?

Why are working
that many hours?

- Well, you know,
I get here around 4:00 a.m.

to walk the store,

and then there's the workday,
and then after closing,

it takes me two hours
to prepare my script

for the next morning's
break room meeting.

- Those are
pre--prepared comments?

- No, I just come up
with all that

off the top of my head.

Come on, Amy.

[birds screeching]
- Careful, careful.

- I'm being careful.

I don't need you
to tell me to be careful.

All right, here we go.

[grunts]

- Nice job.
- All right.

You see, the trick
is steady hands.

I was gonna be a surgeon, but--

- Oh, no!
- Whoa!

- Uh, nope. Uh, oh.
No. Uh-uh.

- No, no, no, no.
Get the birds!

- I know!

[birds screeching]

[birds screeching]

[people yelling]

- No thank you, no thank you,
no thank you.

- Wait, stop it! No!

[grunting]

- No. No, wait.

[crowd clamoring]

The birds are out!
Lock all the doors!

They're getting away!

Shut the doors!
It's not too late!

Oh, God! No!

Don't let them get away!

- Oh, my God!
- Come back!

Oh, no! The doors! Please!

Ah! My babies!

[birds screeching]
No!

.

- Sebastian! Where are you?

[mimicking bird squawking]

Cockatrice!

I'm here, baby!

Birdie!
[mimicking bird squawking]

- Ugh, I feel so bad for her.

It's like with kids, you know?

You can be the best parent,

and then one day you forget
to lock the cage,

and they're gone.

I don't put my kids in cages.
That's...

- It wasn't Dina,
it was Garret.

- What?
- Yeah, it was a mistake.

Uh, he wanted these Takis.
It's--you had to be there,

but anyway, he--he
cracked the door open,

and the birds
just all flew out.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

- Hey, can you two stop
scissoring each other

for one second
and help me call my birds?

- Yes, sure.

[all mimic bird noises]

- Happy Valentine's Day.

- Ooh, I thought
you weren't seeing anyone.

- It's not--I mean,
it's kind of a--

it's just--it's complicated.

- [chuckles]

- What are you laughing at?

- Oh, I was just remembering
the time you wanted everyone

to think you had a boyfriend,
so you kept sending yourself

Valentine's gifts from Jeff.

- I didn't send this
to myself.

- [gasps] There's a card.

- No, wait. No, no.

- "To my Sandy Bear,
love Antonio Lasagna."

That's a--such a distinctive,
real-sounding name.

- It's Italian, probably.
It sounds Italian.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yup.

- Now, this book is one

that Nana Sturgis
used to read to me

when I was little.

It's called "You Can Do It."

[middle of the road music]

"Jimmy wants to be
an astronaut

"and fly a rocket to space.

"You can do it, Jimmy!

"Polly wants to be
an astronaut's wife

"and keep the house tidy
the way Jimmy likes it.

You can do it, Polly."

Wow, I have not read this
in a while.

Um, what else we got?

"Midget Sam Goes
To Darkest Africa," no.

"Get To Know The Orientals"?

[buzz]
- Oh, man! Oh, God!

You do not get used
to that pain!

Oh! But it'll all be worth it
for that look at my mom's face

when she takes my shirt off.

- Totally, totally!

[both chuckle]

[groans]

- Uh, can you hang on
for a second?

I just have to tell Mateo
something before I forget.

- Oh, oh.
- [whispering] Hey.

I [bleep] up.

- What are you talking about?

- Marcus's tattoo.
It's way harder than I thought.

- I thought you were
taking classes.

- I am, but so far,
I've only tattooed grapefruits,

and I thought it would be
the same, but it's not!

The skin is all mushy
and bleed-y.

- Girl, don't be so hard up
on yourself, okay?

I'm sure it's not nearly
as bad as you--[shrieks].

- What?

- That is just so amazing.

Um, is your mother a model?

- Uh, kind of.
She used to wear

the Fredbird costume
for the Cardinals.

- [chuckles]

I can see that.

- Wow, that's a lot.
- Yeah, what do you think?

I had to take down that poster
of that missing kid,

but I mean at this point...

[sighs] I never should've left
them in that cheap cage

with that crap lock.

This is why workplaces need

secure, dedicated aviaries.

- Dina, you can't really
blame yourself.

- That's sweet of you to say,

but I have to take
responsibility for what I did.

I let my birds escape,

and I to live with that
for the rest of my life.

- Um, no, Dina--

- No, it's fine.
It's fine.

I'm already getting used
to the feeling.

It's just like a--
like a searing gnawing

deep inside my soul.

It's very, very specific.

Um, oops!
[chuckles]

Out of flyers.

[middle of the road music]

♪

- I feel guilty
about the birds.

- Okay.
- I just...

I just kind of need
to talk to a friend.

- Oh, oh, well,
I'm a friend, so talk away.

- It's just this is, like,
the worst thing I've ever done,

and I have no idea what Dina's
going to do

if she finds out
that it was me.

- Oh, listen, you--you do not
have to worry about that, okay?

Because I am not gonna
tell her.

This is a secret
that stays amongst friends.

- No, I--I--I know
I can trust you.

I mean, it's not like
you're going to run off

and tell Amy
or anything like that.

- Oh, uh, Amy--Amy too.

I mean, uh,
of--of course Amy too.

That's--nobody needs to know.

- You haven't told her, right?

- [mumbling] Mm-mm.

Oh, hey! Hey, hey.
I was looking for you.

- I was looking for you.

- You haven't said anything
to Dina

about Garrett yet, have you?

- No, but we have to tell her.

- Uh, no, actually,
we--we can't.

- No, no.
We have to.

She's thinks she's the one
who let the birds loose.

- Uh, yeah, okay,
yeah and that sucks,

but I wasn't supposed
to say anything to you

in the first place,
so now you can't say anything.

- So, I'm sorry, I'm supposed
to just let her go on

beating herself up when
it wasn't really her fault?

- Uh, exactly.
- No! I can't do that.

How am I supposed to do that?
- Just pretend you don't know.

- But I do know.
- That's why I said pretend.

- Excuse me,

this card has a frog and a bear
kissing each other.

- Very good, yeah.
- What's next,

kangaroos and sharks
having full on anal sex?

Shame.

- Wow.

How's it going back there?

- It's... good.

- It's really turning
into something.

- Uh, need more ink.

- [groans]

- What do I do?
- Can't you just cover it up?

- Oh, yeah, sure.

I'll just turn it into
a top hat

and then tattoo his mom's face
underneath,

and then that way it's like
she's a magician, huh?

How's that?
- [scoffs]

You've never been sarcastic
with me before.

I don't care for it.

- It's tough to watch, huh?
- Yeah, it's terrible.

- I just wish there was
something we can do for her,

make her not blame herself
so much.

- Yeah, I wish we--
I can do that too.

- Hey, what are y'all two fools

talking about, huh?
Stuff?

- Nothing.
- Dina.

- Dina?
What are you saying about Dina?

- Nothing, just that I wish
we knew how her birds got out,

'cause she thinks
it was her fault.

- Well, it probably is
her fault, for all we know.

- Yup, none of us were there.

- Nope.

- You told her, didn't you?
- I did not.

- Yes, he did.
- Amy!

- Dude, I trusted you!
- I trusted her!

- Fine, you both messed up.

- What about you?
- What did I do?

- ♪ All this love

♪ Is waiting for you
my baby ♪

all quartet: ♪ Keep
the love-light glowing ♪

♪ In your eyes so true

- How much is it costing her
to keep this up?

- It's so sad. I love it.

all quartet: ♪ Let me
call you, sweetheart ♪

♪ I'm in love with you

[rattling]

- What are you doing?

- Not gonna need
this stuff anymore.

- I mean,
they might still come back.

They--birds have, like,

a great sense of direction,
right?

- They don't know where
the store is.

They could be halfway
to Mexico by now.

That's assuming
they didn't find their way

into a jet engine
or an archery event

or a really clear window,

all because of me.

- Look, Dina,
the fact is that, um--

- Although,
I guess it is possible

they could find their way back
to my apartment.

- It is?
- Yeah.

I mean, a few of them
could've found their way,

and the rest just followed.

- Well, that's awesome.

Let's go check it out
right now.

- Wow, you really care
about this, huh?

- You have no idea.
Come on, let's go. Let's go!

- When a man and a woman

go into a bedroom with God,

and they...
[patting]

There comes a moment of, uh--

between that is holy and...

[buzz]
- [sobbing]

- Ow!

No!

Oh!

- [clears throat]

- Wow, that--that sure
is something.

- It's a work in progress.

- You think my mom
will be surprised?

- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, she's going to be...

shocked.

- [chuckles]
Hey Jonah,

wanna see what my mom
looks like on my back?

- No, thanks.
I'm busy.

- [scoffs]

- Drama.
- Excuse me.

- [exhaling]

All right, let's keep going.

Oh.

[buzz]

Ow! Oh, God! Why?

- Are you actually mad at me?

- A little bit, yeah.

- Wow, okay, well,

I'm not really
that happy with you either.

- Great, it should be
an exciting Valentine's dinner.

- You can't expect me to side
with Garrett over Dina.

- I was expecting you
to side with me over Dina.

- Why?
Because you're my boyfriend?

- Yeah, pretty much.
That's how it works.

- Well, not for me.

- Great, well, if you love Dina
so much,

why don't you go to dinner
with her tonight then, huh?

- Oh great, just go on
and be a dick.

- Oh, come on.

- Of course I don't love Dina.
I love you.

- Yeah, well, I love you too,

but that has nothing to do
with what we're talking about,

and I'm pretty sure
we both just said

that we love each other.
- Yeah, I know what we said!

- Well, I'm glad
you're listening.

- Portobello! Squeedledee!

Russell Crow,
where are you guys?

Follow my voice!

- Garrett, it's okay.

They're gone.

- Damn it!

- Wow, you're almost as upset
about this as I am.

- Yeah, man,
I--I love those guys.

- Guess I'm going to have
to get used to being alone.

- No, Dina, you're not alone.

I mean...

I'm here.

- Thank you.

You're a really good friend.

- No. No, I'm not.

Look, Dina, um...

I need to, um...

[sighs]

I guess I wanted to, um...

I wanted to give you this.

- Why are you giving me $17?

- 'Cause, uh, I thought that
you needed it.

- Well, you're just full
of surprises.

Thank you.

- You know what?
No, look, here's the deal.

This was not what I was--

whoa, whoa, whoa!
Dina, what are you doing?

- I just--I just don't want
to think about the birds

right now.

[rustling]

You're into this, right?

- Uh-huh.
- All right.

[smooch]

- You're--you're just
not taking your clothes off.

- Uh, uh, eh,
that gets me horny.

- That's new. Hot.

.

- Thanks, not just
for the sex--

but, I mean, it was decent.

- Sure.

- I mean...

thanks for being so supportive.

I guess we'll always be there
for each other, huh?

- Yup.

- I mean, it was better
than decent.

It just wasn't great.

You know, it was fine.

If it were a meal,
it would be like,

"Oh, that's done."

You know?

Did I climax? Sure.

Ah, this is good.

I think as soon
as this is done,

I am going to be ready
for round deux.

[munch]

- Now you're probably
in a lot of pain right now,

so you're probably
not seeing it right.

- That's a good point.

It you can see it
how we're seeing it,

it's even better than this.

- Yeah, and--and the reason
for the hat is because

moms today have to wear
so many different hats,

or, like, one big hat.

- [muttering]

- What was that?

- [muttering]
What have you done to me?

- Huh?
- I'm sorry.

- [shouting]
What have you done to me?

- So to review, you released
Dina's birds into the wild,

allowed her to believe
it was her fault,

persuaded her to go back
to her apartment,

and proceeded to have sex
with her in exchange for $17?

- Twice. We did it twice.

- What is wrong with you?

- I just wanted some Takis,
you know?

Rolled up tortilla chips,
bit of flavor in the morning,

and then everything
just escalated.

- You know, as your friend,
I'd ask you

to consider
your part in this,

which is all of it.
This is all your fault.

- Yeah, you're right.
I'm gonna tell her.

- No!
- Good.

- No! Absolutely not!

She must never know
any of this.

- You were the one who said
he should be telling her.

- Yes, but that was before!

Before I was the friend
who sat idly by

while her birds' murderer
went off and sympathy-sexed her

at her lowest moment.

Absolutely not! No, sir!
She will not know any of this!

- Wait a second,
so I'm supposed to sit around

with this for the rest
of my life?

I can't live with
that kind of guilt.

- Well, too bad!

Find a way.

- While I have you,

um, we said we love each other,

so pretty cool.

I'll fill you in
on the details later.

- Sandra, are you sure

you don't wanna come
to the party?

It's going to be, like,
dong central.

- That sounds really fun,
but no thank you.

- Take the hint, Justine.

She obviously
has big plans tonight

with Antonio Lasagna.

- Well, if you wanna crush
some dong, call me.

- They better have food
at this party.

- Actually, they told me
I had to bring pizzas.

- I really hate her.

- Me too, Sandy Bear.

- [chuckles]

- Rose, I am so sorry

I couldn't be there
for your wedding day,

but I am so happy for you
and your husband--

or--or wife or sex android.

I--I don't know
what the future is like.

Just don't make

the same mistakes I made,
you know?

Spending all your time at work
and missing out

on these precious moments.

I mean, if I could go back
in time

and do it all over again,

I...

huh.

I think I'm done
being manager.

- So where are we going
to dinner?

- It's a surprise.

- Is it that tapas place
I love?

It's that tapas place I love.

- You guys heading out?
- Yeah, going to dinner.

- Oh, that sounds fun.

I'd go with you but, uh,
I've got to deal with the birds

and their medicine and...

[chuckles] Wow, I guess I don't

have to deal
with any of that anymore.

You know what?
I can go with you.

- Oh, yeah, well--
- Oh, wow, that's perfect.

- So where we headed?

- Uh, it's this place off of 44
called Barrel and Sage,

kind of a, um,
small plates tapas thing.

- Not gonna work for me.
Not enough vegan options.

I do know of a grocery store
that has tables,

that way we can all do
our own thing.

[gasps] Or, oh, have you guys
ever been to Super Tofu?

It's not great, but you do not
need reservations.

There's never anyone there.

I mean, it smells bad,

but you get used to it
as the meal progresses.

[crunching]

[Universal fanfare]