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1
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:13,314
* Sometimes the world
looks perfect
2
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:19,420
* Sometimes you just
get a feeling
3
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:22,756
* Like you need
some kind of change
4
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:27,328
* No matter what
the odds are this time
5
00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:29,997
* Nothing's going
to stand in my way
6
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:31,465
* This flame in my heart
7
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,267
* Like a long-lost friend
8
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:34,802
* Gives every dark street
9
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,338
* A light at the end
10
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:41,309
* Standing tall
11
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:45,113
* On the wings of my dream
12
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:48,015
* Rise and fall
13
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:51,952
* On the wings of my dream
14
00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:53,354
* Through the rain and thunder
15
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,089
* The wind and haze
16
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:58,526
* I'm bound for better days
17
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:01,795
* It's my life and my dream
18
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:05,133
* And nothing's going
to stop me now *
19
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:17,611
(BALKI SINGING)
* Lemon tree very pretty
20
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:20,114
* And the lemon
flower is sweet
21
00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:26,019
* But the fruit of the poor
lemon is impossible to eat *
22
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,088
Phew! What a day.
23
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,763
Ooh. Wow.
24
00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:39,867
Well, as I was about to say...
25
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,603
T-G-I-F.
26
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:45,038
You know what that means?
Well, of course I do.
27
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,808
Don't be ridiculous. TGIF.
28
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,678
Two Goats In Fresno.
29
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:56,184
Thank God It's Friday.
You can say that again.
30
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:07,961
Hi, guys!
31
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,198
Thank God it's Friday.
32
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,067
Ooh!
33
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:18,105
Oh, well. Well then, then,
in that case Miss Lydia, uh...
34
00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:22,142
All I can say is H-A-Y-M.
35
00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:23,611
Here's all your mail!
36
00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:30,718
Where do I come up with them?
37
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,322
I don't know.
38
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,727
These people just never give up!
39
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:43,464
They're still trying to get me
to do my own television show.
40
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:45,499
You've been offered
your own TV show?
41
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:50,504
That's Incredible!
BALKI: No, cousin.
42
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:53,341
Channel 8 wants me to do
a pilot for a TV version
43
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:55,643
of my advice column,
but, I turned them down.
44
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:58,078
You turned them down?
LARRY: Why?
45
00:02:58,145 --> 00:03:02,316
Well, I have one
tiny little fear.
46
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:05,753
It doesn't have anything to do
with wool chiggers, does it?
47
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:10,491
I just see them
little babies and I just...
48
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,192
I just get the hobie jobies.
49
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:15,929
Uh, no. No.
50
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:21,535
I am terrified
of television ca... meras.
51
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,871
When I was six years old,
my mother forced me
52
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:28,676
to appear on a TV show
with Miss Terry's
Tapping Tulips.
53
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:33,347
I was fine
until they
rolled out the...
54
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,249
cameras.
55
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:41,255
moving closer and closer.
56
00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:44,858
An unfeeling,
unblinking eye staring
57
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,995
deeper and deeper
into my brain!
58
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:51,565
Hey, hey! It's okay,
it's okay! It's okay.
59
00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,434
Okay? Okay.
It's okay.
60
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:55,403
Sorry.
It's okay.
61
00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:58,439
Anyway, my knees locked,
62
00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:00,574
my face froze,
63
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,643
and Herbie,
the Clown, had to carry
64
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:04,978
my teeny weeny little body
65
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:06,447
from the stage.
66
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,385
It's true.
67
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:13,487
You met Herbie the Clown?
68
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,858
Lydia, you can't pass up
the opportunity
69
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,260
to have your very own TV show
because of something
70
00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:23,163
that happened a long,
long, long time ago.
71
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:25,566
It wasn't that
long ago, Larry.
72
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:31,805
BALKI: Cameras.
73
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,141
I can't even face
the security monitor
74
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,276
at the bank.
I always have to use
75
00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:42,483
the drive-up teller.
76
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,552
They do?
Well... well, yeah.
77
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:47,220
They put them way up high
but they can zoom...
78
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,422
(SHRIEKING)
79
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:51,425
It's okay.
Okay.
80
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,794
I am gonna call Channel 8
81
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:56,764
and tell them
to stop bothering
me and then...
82
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:59,600
I'm gonna learn
how to bank by mail.
83
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:02,903
Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait...
84
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,172
Your own TV show?
85
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:08,542
Fame? Fortune?
Picture it, Lydia.
86
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,978
You start with
a local television show.
87
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,414
It catches on
in Chicago
like wildfire.
88
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:18,185
Everyone wants to talk to you.
89
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:19,853
to discuss
your upcoming interview.
90
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,524
Barbara Walters?
91
00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:27,160
and gives you the best table.
92
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:28,929
Is John Davidson there?
93
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,766
Maybe.
Oh!
94
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,338
Across the room,
95
00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:40,641
the rest of the
20-20 news team,
96
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:45,245
they smile,
wave you over.
97
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:48,549
Because she's sitting
next to John Davidson!
98
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,322
Because you didn't
pass up the opportunity
99
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:58,125
to have your very own
television show.
100
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,862
I am gonna call
the station now
101
00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:04,665
and tell them
they've got
themselves a deal.
102
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:08,902
* Da da da-da-da
da-da-da da da *
103
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,175
I am going to make
that woman a star.
104
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,911
I got that part,
105
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:20,380
when is this dinner
with John Davidson?
106
00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:24,718
(SERENE INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING)
107
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,923
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
108
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:43,671
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
109
00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:51,512
(KNOCKING CONTINUES)
110
00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:56,650
Balki, Larry, I can't do it!
111
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:58,018
I can't do it.
Don't make me do it.
112
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,554
Please, please,
don't make me do it!
113
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:05,893
Are you on your way to a party?
114
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:10,498
Lydia, it's 3:00 a.m.,
is something wrong?
115
00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:12,833
Yes, there's something wrong.
116
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:14,735
Oh, well come on, Miss Lydia.
117
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:17,571
You come sit down
and tell us all about it.
118
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:20,173
You tell your Uncle Balki
and your Uncle Cousin.
119
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:26,079
I have been up
all night worrying.
120
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,682
I want to do the show
tomorrow night but I can't.
121
00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:32,052
I just can't face
the cameras, Larry.
122
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:35,589
Well, then, don't do it.
Good night, Miss Lydia.
123
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:39,092
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait...
124
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,395
This is just a case of nerves.
125
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:43,797
You'll get over it.
126
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:46,199
I don't think so. I know me.
127
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:50,003
Once I see the cameras
my mind will go blank.
128
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,839
And when the audience
asks me questions
129
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,241
I won't be able to
think of anything to say.
130
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,643
I'll be humiliated.
131
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,678
Cousin, you know,
she... she has a point.
132
00:07:57,745 --> 00:08:00,681
Not everyone should have
their own television show.
133
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:03,817
Look at McLean Stevenson.
134
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:10,257
Miss Lydia,
if people want
your advice,
135
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,225
they just have
to read your column.
136
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:15,195
Balki, that's it!
That's a great idea.
137
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,998
Well, it's not like coming up
with the cordless shaver.
138
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:21,068
I simply stated the obvious.
139
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,571
And stated it beautifully.
Oh, I don't know.
140
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:24,772
Beautifully!
Well, really?
141
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:27,875
Yes, you did.
No, I...
142
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,610
Balki and I
can memorize questions
143
00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:32,680
from your old columns
and ask them from the audience.
144
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,414
That way you won't
have to think of the answers,
145
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:35,916
you'll already know them.
146
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,651
And that'll give you
the confidence to forget
147
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:39,119
about the cameras
and get through the rest
148
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,554
of the show on your own.
149
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,590
No, I didn't say that.
150
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:46,694
I... I was saying
151
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,162
don't do the TV show,
152
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,198
do do the column.
153
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:57,237
In other words,
154
00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:59,106
and a do do on the column.
155
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,211
Okay, it wasn't your idea.
It was mine.
156
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:05,879
What do you think
of my plan, Lydia?
157
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:08,415
I think it's wonderful.
158
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:11,652
You know, I don't think
I say his often enough, Larry,
159
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,954
but you are brilliant.
160
00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:18,058
I don't think
you've ever said that.
161
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:23,396
I feel calmer
and more relaxed already.
162
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,866
Thanks so much
for dropping by.
163
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:28,936
Uh, Lydia...
164
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,239
we live here.
165
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:36,877
This couldn't be my place.
166
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:39,880
Not with that couch.
Good night, boys.
167
00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:45,619
Cousin,
168
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,320
what's wrong with our couch?
169
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,724
The salesman said
170
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,626
it had my name on it.
171
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:57,965
I never did find it.
172
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:07,140
It's hidden in the pattern.
173
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:14,181
Cousin, now,
174
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,750
Miss Lydia keeps saying
that she don't want to do
175
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:19,219
the TV show and you keep
changing her mind.
176
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,387
Why you do that?
177
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:24,157
Balki, I can't let her
miss this opportunity.
178
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,359
I am not going to let her
end up regretting
179
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:28,061
what would have been,
could have been,
180
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:31,398
should have been,
while that Bunky McDermott
181
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:35,368
is out there living a life
that should have been mine!
182
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,810
We're talking
about you now,
aren't we?
183
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:46,747
Yes.
Yes.
184
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:48,749
And do you know why?
185
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:54,054
(MOUTHING)
Why? Why?
186
00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:56,990
Because of this!
187
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,027
Your pants?
188
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:03,263
No. No.
Not the pants. This.
189
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:07,400
I have been
carrying this since 1985.
190
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:09,102
"Young Man on the Move."
191
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,839
But not just
any young man on the move.
192
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:15,608
"Bunky McDermott,
young man on the move."
193
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:16,777
Question.
Yes?
194
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:19,012
Who is Bunky McDermott?
195
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:21,414
And why do we
care how he moves?
196
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:26,553
Bunky McDermott
was the president
197
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:30,457
of my high school chess club.
198
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:34,261
But I declined because I was
afraid of the responsibility.
199
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:38,131
So Bunky took over.
200
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,500
he met the beautiful
Bryn Bramwell.
201
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:45,172
He married her.
202
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:48,275
Today, he is one
of the wealthiest men
203
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:49,877
in the country.
204
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:55,282
are basking in the bosom
of Bramwell's big bucks?
205
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,389
Basically.
206
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:06,159
But if I had Bunky's bravado,
207
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,861
I'd be basking
with Bryn in the bosom
208
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,729
of those big
Bramwell bucks, buddy!
209
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,101
Boy.
210
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:18,005
Now do you see why
Lydia has to do this?
211
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,573
Cousin, I don't see why
she has to do a TV show
212
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,109
let alone play chess.
213
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,245
She doesn't have
to play chess.
214
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:26,780
Well, at least
you're letting that go.
215
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:28,381
Oh, why me?
It's progress.
216
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,183
Why me?
That's progress.
217
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,953
Balki, Lydia wants
to do a TV show!
218
00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:35,856
Oh, is that so?
219
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,524
she gets so upset?
220
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:38,758
Jitters!
(GASPING)
221
00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:39,927
Where? Where?
222
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,895
I hate those little bugs!
223
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,397
Balki! Balki!
Balki. Balki.
224
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,969
Not chiggers.
225
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:50,904
No?
No.
226
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:52,472
Jitters.
227
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:53,540
(BALKI SIGHS)
228
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,076
She'll get over it!
229
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:58,111
Well, even if she
do get over it,
230
00:12:58,178 --> 00:12:59,479
I don't think she
want to do it.
231
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,381
I think you're just
making her do it
232
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,851
because of this Bunky
in your pants.
233
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,187
I am doing this
because I don't want her
234
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:08,721
to make the same mistake I did.
235
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,824
Well, be that
as that may be,
236
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,792
I'm going down
to that studio with her
237
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:16,629
and the first time
I hear her say,
238
00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:18,231
I'm taking her home.
239
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:22,069
(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYS)
240
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:37,117
I still don't understand.
241
00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:40,988
Mary Anne, this is a pilot
for a television show.
242
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:42,755
Now that means
if this goes well,
243
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,892
then the real show
will be live.
244
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,229
and the demographics are good
they'll give it a short order
245
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,264
with a series of options
and Lydia could find herself
246
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:54,034
in the middle of
a very handsome
syndication package.
247
00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,840
I was once in an elevator
with Ted Turner.
248
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,412
I'm gonna go make sure
Lydia is okay before the show.
249
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:07,414
I'm going to go
make sure Lydia is okay
250
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,416
after she talks
to Cousin Larry.
251
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:11,985
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
252
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,627
Lydia?
253
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,162
You look great.
254
00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:24,131
How's everything going?
LYDIA: Fine.
255
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:27,000
I'm fine.
256
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:29,336
Everything's fine.
257
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:33,640
She sounds a little
too fine, cousin.
258
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:37,344
Don't be silly, she's loving
every minute of it.
259
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:41,081
Uh, we're ready
when you are,
Miss Markham.
260
00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:43,250
Am I ready, Larry?
Yes, you are.
261
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:45,652
We'd better
take our seats.
262
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:46,719
(LYDIA CHOKING)
263
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:47,988
Lydia?
264
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,429
MAN 1: Tape is rolling.
265
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:58,165
MAN ON PA:
Live from our studios
266
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,600
in the Pfister Building
in downtown Chicago.
267
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:03,270
It's time for your favorite
advice columnist,
268
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,939
the lady who's never
at a loss for words,
269
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:08,541
here is Lydia!
270
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:10,510
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
271
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:15,748
Ladies and gentlemen,
my name is Lydia Markham
272
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:18,518
and welcome to Lydia Live.
273
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,087
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
274
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:28,095
I'm gonna start off
today's show by saying...
275
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:32,232
By saying...
276
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,302
Get away from me!
277
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:38,938
Go on! Get away! Get...
278
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:41,141
(SHRIEKING)
279
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,915
Wow, she does
her own stunts.
280
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:51,384
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS)
281
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,653
Miss Markham?
Are you okay?
282
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,356
Am I okay?
I'm breathing in a bag!
283
00:15:57,890 --> 00:16:02,762
She's fine. She's fine.
284
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:05,398
Okay. Uh, we'll start
as soon as you're ready.
285
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:10,770
Come on, Miss Lydia,
I packed all your things.
286
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:11,971
We're going home now.
287
00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:13,173
Come on.
Whoa! Wait a minute.
288
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,275
Wait, wait, wait...
289
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,244
Nobody's going anywhere.
290
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,878
Cousin, you said
that if Miss Lydia
291
00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:21,781
didn't want to do the show,
we could take her home.
292
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,150
I promised if she said,
293
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,785
"I don't want to
do the show, Larry,"
294
00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:30,423
then I'd take her home.
295
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,759
I don't want to do
the show, Larry!
296
00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:38,065
She didn't mean it.
She is fine.
297
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:41,801
Cousin, how can you say
she's fine? Look at her.
298
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:43,370
Her eyes are bloodshot,
299
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:46,539
her face is losing color
and she's retaining water.
300
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:52,612
It's just a minor case
of stage fright.
301
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,947
She can get through it.
302
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:58,118
No, she can't,
and she don't have to!
303
00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:02,289
No, she don't.
Yes, she does.
304
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,756
No, she don't.
Yes, she does.
305
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,492
No, she don't.
Okay, she don't.
306
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,260
She don't?
No, she don't.
307
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:14,301
She shouldn't have to do it
if she doesn't want to do it.
308
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,369
Come on, Lydia,
why don't you sit down
309
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:19,539
over here while Balki
and I go get the car?
310
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:22,008
Come on, Balki.
No, cousin, I...
311
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:23,910
Let's go get the car.
312
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,312
Well, but, cousin,
313
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,347
the parking lot
is over that way.
314
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,649
Yes, but I know
a secret shortcut.
315
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,522
I like secrets.
316
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,424
I know you do.
317
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:41,994
Come on, it's over here.
I...
318
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,231
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
319
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,533
(COMICAL INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYS)
320
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:55,908
Larry, are you
all right?
321
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:57,577
Oh, everything's fine.
322
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:00,380
Where's Balki?
323
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:03,283
He's backstage, resting.
324
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,655
Larry, are you sure
Lydia can go on?
325
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:09,789
Oh, are you kidding?
326
00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:12,459
She begged me
to let her try again.
327
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:14,827
MAN 1: Standby.
328
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:17,430
MAN 2 ON PA:
Here is Lydia!
329
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,699
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
330
00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:27,474
My name is Lydia Markham
and welcome to Lydia Live.
331
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:33,280
For many years,
I have been an...
332
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:37,650
nationally syndicated communist.
333
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:42,155
She's going down, Larry.
334
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:43,556
(LAUGHING)
So, where is Balki?
335
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,526
He told me
I didn't have
to do this.
336
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:49,162
Balki, are you out there?
It's time to take me home!
337
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,431
(LYDIA LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
338
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,207
(BOTH SCREAMS)
339
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:04,877
Oh, Balki, thank you.
340
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:07,180
Thank you, thank you!
341
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:13,886
Balki, what are you doing?
342
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:15,355
Lydia was doing great.
343
00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:16,656
She was just
starting to warm up.
344
00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,725
What do you say, Lydia?
One more try?
345
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:20,893
Drop dead, Larry.
346
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:29,769
(SERENE INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING)
347
00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:36,776
I'm still getting
her answering machine.
348
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,145
All it says is "This is Lydia
Markham. I'm not here right now.
349
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:42,382
"I'm on a remote island
where there are no ca... meras."
350
00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:48,154
Do you think
she'll ever forgive me?
351
00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:52,325
Well, I forgave you
for taping me up
like King Toot.
352
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,096
Good morning, everyone.
353
00:19:57,163 --> 00:20:00,300
Oh, Lydia. Lydia,
I am so very sorry.
354
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:03,903
I am so, so sorry.
355
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:04,971
you didn't want to do.
356
00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:09,609
Larry, dear, please, relax.
357
00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:11,944
I forgive you.
I'm over it, really.
358
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:13,680
You are?
359
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,615
Let's just put this behind us.
360
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:18,150
It was a bad experience, but...
361
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,752
I'm stronger because of it.
362
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:26,726
(SHRIEKING)
363
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:32,198
I think I'll take the stairs.
364
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:33,633
I need the exercise.
365
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:43,776
Balki,
366
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,979
how could I
have gotten
so carried away?
367
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:49,849
Well, cousin, you do get
plenty of practice at it.
368
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,520
But I really meant well.
369
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,688
I only wanted
to spare her the pain
370
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,625
of a missed opportunity
and a life of regret.
371
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:02,295
Uh-oh.
372
00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:10,002
Bunky McDermott
373
00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:13,340
became president
of my high school chess club
374
00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:15,675
and one of the wealthiest men
in the country.
375
00:21:15,742 --> 00:21:18,611
He took an opportunity
that should have been mine,
376
00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:21,147
and he is living a life
that I should be living.
377
00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:24,384
Now, wait a minute.
378
00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:27,654
Aren't you doing a job
you've always wanted to do?
379
00:21:32,224 --> 00:21:35,595
Yes.
And aren't you dating
the girl of your dreams?
380
00:21:35,662 --> 00:21:38,264
Oh, yes.
381
00:21:38,331 --> 00:21:42,068
you look like Larry Appleton,
young man on the move.
382
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:48,007
I am doing pretty well,
aren't I?
383
00:21:48,074 --> 00:21:52,512
Cousin, I think it's time
you said bye-bye to Boinki.
384
00:21:53,446 --> 00:21:55,448
Come on, get him out here.
385
00:21:57,016 --> 00:21:58,317
All right. You are right.
386
00:21:59,519 --> 00:22:01,421
Bunky McDermott,
387
00:22:01,488 --> 00:22:04,290
I wish you the best
of luck in your life,
388
00:22:04,357 --> 00:22:07,326
but it's time
to get out of mine.
389
00:22:11,297 --> 00:22:13,366
(CHUCKLING)
390
00:22:13,433 --> 00:22:17,404
Balki, I feel released.
391
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:19,839
Free.
392
00:22:19,906 --> 00:22:21,441
Do you feel poor?
393
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:28,180
No, why?
394
00:22:28,247 --> 00:22:30,049
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
27787
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