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1
00:00:09,934 --> 00:00:12,801
papa, can we
play outside?
2
00:00:12,878 --> 00:00:15,400
- no.
- why?
3
00:00:15,467 --> 00:00:17,534
because it's 5:00
in the morning.
4
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,701
it's too early.
5
00:00:19,767 --> 00:00:21,434
why?
6
00:00:23,367 --> 00:00:25,367
the sun hasn't
come up yet.
7
00:00:27,934 --> 00:00:29,934
why?
8
00:00:31,801 --> 00:00:34,334
because the sun
comes up later.
9
00:00:35,408 --> 00:00:37,403
why?
10
00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:40,632
well, the earth
goes around,
11
00:00:40,701 --> 00:00:42,305
and when it turns
a certn amount,
12
00:00:42,362 --> 00:00:44,030
the sun shows
on the horizon.
13
00:00:45,908 --> 00:00:47,833
why?
14
00:00:49,937 --> 00:00:51,961
i don't know.
15
00:00:53,865 --> 00:00:55,661
why?
16
00:00:56,667 --> 00:00:58,360
why don't you know,
papa?
17
00:01:00,135 --> 00:01:02,430
because i didn't pay
attention in school, okay?
18
00:01:02,506 --> 00:01:04,502
i didn't listen
in class.
19
00:01:07,306 --> 00:01:09,460
why?
20
00:01:12,736 --> 00:01:15,031
because i was high
all the time.
21
00:01:20,936 --> 00:01:23,031
i smoked too much pot.
22
00:01:25,636 --> 00:01:27,961
why?
23
00:01:30,207 --> 00:01:32,330
i didn't think
it would matter.
24
00:01:37,235 --> 00:01:39,003
why?
25
00:01:41,407 --> 00:01:44,861
i just figured my life would
come together on its own.
26
00:01:44,936 --> 00:01:48,561
but then i met your mom,
and you came along.
27
00:01:48,636 --> 00:01:51,102
so now i work
at the muffler shop.
28
00:01:52,537 --> 00:01:54,400
why?
29
00:01:54,467 --> 00:01:57,231
well, it's too late for
me to pursue a career now,
30
00:01:57,308 --> 00:02:00,031
and since your mom has
a job with benefits
31
00:02:00,107 --> 00:02:02,563
i stay home and
i take care of you,
32
00:02:02,635 --> 00:02:05,030
'cause what i make is
pretty much just a joke.
33
00:02:06,268 --> 00:02:08,503
why?
34
00:02:08,566 --> 00:02:11,863
well, the service economy
replaced manufacturing...
35
00:02:13,138 --> 00:02:15,561
and here's no real jobs
in america anymore.
36
00:02:15,638 --> 00:02:17,231
why?
37
00:02:17,308 --> 00:02:19,232
we had good jobs
for a while,
38
00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:21,933
but it's just 'cause we were
lucky and now we're unlucky.
39
00:02:22,005 --> 00:02:24,632
why?
40
00:02:24,706 --> 00:02:27,533
it's just
the way it goes.
41
00:02:27,608 --> 00:02:30,632
why?
42
00:02:30,708 --> 00:02:32,903
'cause god is dead
and we're alone.
43
00:02:38,538 --> 00:02:40,303
okay.
44
00:03:39,706 --> 00:03:42,432
"lucky louie" was
taped before a live audience.
45
00:03:42,507 --> 00:03:44,203
make a wish,
make a wish!
46
00:03:47,938 --> 00:03:49,500
hey hey.
47
00:03:49,565 --> 00:03:51,800
listen, you guys,
thanks for inviting me.
48
00:03:51,868 --> 00:03:55,202
i love birthday parties.
49
00:03:55,265 --> 00:03:58,533
well, lucy loves having her
uncle jerry here. right, lucy?
50
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:02,261
yeah yeah, uncle jerry's
great. let's open some presents.
51
00:04:02,335 --> 00:04:04,960
here, open our present,
lucy. oh, i'm so excited.
52
00:04:07,406 --> 00:04:10,302
- a doll!
- oh!
53
00:04:10,365 --> 00:04:12,230
it's your
first barbie!
54
00:04:12,305 --> 00:04:15,131
i couldn't believe when i went
into her room-- she has no barbies.
55
00:04:15,206 --> 00:04:17,532
as you know how i feel
about barbies
56
00:04:17,606 --> 00:04:19,663
and that they completely
misrepresent women--
57
00:04:19,736 --> 00:04:22,500
oh phooey. girls love
barbies. look how happy she is.
58
00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:25,330
i don't want my daughter to grow
up and worship a tiny stripper.
59
00:04:25,408 --> 00:04:29,430
- okay, people. another present, come on.
- yeah.
60
00:04:29,505 --> 00:04:32,160
- that's from us.
- oh, this is from walter and ellen
61
00:04:32,235 --> 00:04:34,201
and lisa,
our new neighbors.
62
00:04:34,265 --> 00:04:35,562
thanks, guys.
63
00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:39,101
oh.
64
00:04:39,168 --> 00:04:41,263
oh no, but that
barbie's great.
65
00:04:42,505 --> 00:04:44,833
- now she's got one of each.
- what?
66
00:04:46,838 --> 00:04:50,403
i don't like
the black barbie.
67
00:04:53,636 --> 00:04:56,232
- hey, man, i think--
- shh.
68
00:04:56,305 --> 00:04:58,762
- uh, i'm sorry.
- oh no, that's okay.
69
00:04:58,835 --> 00:05:01,731
- birthdays are hard.
- hey hey hey.
70
00:05:01,805 --> 00:05:04,063
- make her open my gift.
- hey, great idea!
71
00:05:04,136 --> 00:05:06,062
open uncle jerry's gift.
come on, lucy.
72
00:05:06,138 --> 00:05:07,830
what did you get?
what did you get?
73
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:10,463
- what'd you get? what'd you get?
- oh boy!
74
00:05:12,238 --> 00:05:14,301
jesus!
75
00:05:18,165 --> 00:05:20,231
jesus, what is wrong
with you, jerry?
76
00:05:20,307 --> 00:05:22,433
what?
it's a replica.
77
00:05:22,507 --> 00:05:25,462
it's going over better
than the black barbie.
78
00:05:25,538 --> 00:05:29,163
she can't have this, jerry.
take it home with you.
79
00:05:29,235 --> 00:05:31,463
aw. oh, come on.
80
00:05:32,907 --> 00:05:35,302
wow, this party
sucks now.
81
00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:37,902
yeah, i think that's
her limit, guys.
82
00:05:37,967 --> 00:05:39,401
- bye.
- bye.
83
00:05:39,468 --> 00:05:42,231
hey, walter, thanks
for bringing lisa over.
84
00:05:42,305 --> 00:05:45,831
- it's just across the hall.
- but we're really glad you came, still.
85
00:05:46,836 --> 00:05:49,431
okay.
86
00:05:49,506 --> 00:05:53,133
thanks a lot. it's been a great
time. we'll come back when she's 21.
87
00:05:53,207 --> 00:05:54,862
- see you tomorrow.
- see you at work.
88
00:05:54,936 --> 00:05:58,633
sorry i ruined your party.
i mean, it was a nice party.
89
00:05:58,707 --> 00:06:01,431
oh, it's okay.
here, take this food
90
00:06:01,505 --> 00:06:04,260
- and get home safe.
- okay, thanks.
91
00:06:04,335 --> 00:06:07,901
hey, what if i gave it to her in
a couple of years when she's older?
92
00:06:07,965 --> 00:06:09,761
no, man.
just go, please.
93
00:06:11,208 --> 00:06:13,061
it's just that it was
expensive, you know?
94
00:06:13,135 --> 00:06:15,162
yeah, all right.
95
00:06:15,235 --> 00:06:17,330
i'm gonna give her a bath.
will you clean up?
96
00:06:17,406 --> 00:06:19,160
yeah.
97
00:06:31,508 --> 00:06:33,302
oh please, you don't
want to eat this.
98
00:06:33,365 --> 00:06:36,262
this is all hydrogenated
oils, total crap.
99
00:06:47,567 --> 00:06:49,860
don't eat the cake
out of the garbage!
100
00:06:52,865 --> 00:06:54,862
- what?
- are you eating in there?
101
00:06:54,936 --> 00:06:56,302
yeah!
102
00:07:11,368 --> 00:07:13,730
oh... oh my god.
103
00:07:34,668 --> 00:07:38,403
do you know where her old duck
is? it has to be the old duck.
104
00:07:40,205 --> 00:07:43,562
- mommy!
- i'm getting the duck, sweetie.
105
00:07:43,636 --> 00:07:47,760
- the old duck!
- yes, the old duck!
106
00:07:47,836 --> 00:07:50,001
fucking duck.
107
00:07:51,236 --> 00:07:53,760
oh! jesus!
108
00:07:53,835 --> 00:07:55,463
christ.
109
00:08:01,337 --> 00:08:03,103
jesus, kim.
110
00:08:07,507 --> 00:08:09,961
jessica simpson,
really?
111
00:08:13,337 --> 00:08:15,632
i'm not jerking off
to her music.
112
00:08:26,776 --> 00:08:29,332
hey, she's getting dressed.
are you gonna drop her off?
113
00:08:29,407 --> 00:08:31,963
yeah. i made you some tea here.
114
00:08:32,037 --> 00:08:33,463
oh, thanks.
115
00:08:36,238 --> 00:08:39,662
so is now a good time
to talk about the closet?
116
00:08:42,966 --> 00:08:45,831
do we have to talk
about that... ever?
117
00:08:47,537 --> 00:08:50,301
hey, man, i'm just curious. i mean...
118
00:08:52,037 --> 00:08:54,360
how often
do you do that?
119
00:08:54,438 --> 00:08:56,501
not very.
120
00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:59,833
just--
121
00:08:59,908 --> 00:09:02,331
whenever
you're not around.
122
00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:08,302
wow.
123
00:09:08,367 --> 00:09:10,930
so do you do it
in the other rooms
124
00:09:11,005 --> 00:09:13,303
or is the closet special?
125
00:09:14,335 --> 00:09:16,403
- come on.
- okay okay.
126
00:09:16,466 --> 00:09:19,832
what do you think about
127
00:09:19,905 --> 00:09:21,903
when you do that?
128
00:09:23,537 --> 00:09:25,900
lots of things.
129
00:09:26,968 --> 00:09:30,632
do you ever
think about me?
130
00:09:36,937 --> 00:09:39,200
what are you, high?
131
00:09:42,237 --> 00:09:45,762
why would i do that?
honey, that's magic time.
132
00:09:45,837 --> 00:09:48,430
i can think
about anybody.
133
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,260
i can even combine women.
134
00:09:50,336 --> 00:09:53,460
i can take britney spears' head
and put it on barbara bush's body--
135
00:09:53,536 --> 00:09:56,003
- okay okay, it's fine. i understand.
- well, look,
136
00:09:56,065 --> 00:09:58,332
i'm not proud of this,
if that's what you think.
137
00:09:58,405 --> 00:10:01,132
this is all i got!
this is it for me!
138
00:10:01,208 --> 00:10:03,162
we haven't done
anything in ages.
139
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,600
ages-es-es-es!
140
00:10:05,660 --> 00:10:09,032
i thought when i got married i was
done masturbating in closets, but--
141
00:10:09,101 --> 00:10:11,335
i know, i know.
it's okay, it's okay.
142
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:13,230
it's okay
that you do that.
143
00:10:13,308 --> 00:10:16,561
i just don't want you
to have to do that.
144
00:10:16,638 --> 00:10:19,833
so listen...
145
00:10:21,536 --> 00:10:23,701
don't make any plans
for this week, okay?
146
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,061
why?
147
00:10:29,668 --> 00:10:33,062
because you and i
are gonna have sex
148
00:10:33,138 --> 00:10:34,730
every day
until sunday.
149
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:38,231
really?
150
00:10:39,637 --> 00:10:42,001
yup.
151
00:10:43,205 --> 00:10:44,462
okay?
152
00:10:45,867 --> 00:10:47,633
yeah.
153
00:10:47,706 --> 00:10:49,832
god, this worked out
a lot better
154
00:10:49,908 --> 00:10:52,461
than when my mom
caught me jerking off.
155
00:10:56,166 --> 00:10:59,231
i'm all dressed, mommy.
i got my shoes on myself!
156
00:10:59,308 --> 00:11:02,633
- hey, good job.
- i was saying that to mama, not you!
157
00:11:02,706 --> 00:11:05,200
yeah, well,
i'm here too, damn it!
158
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:09,400
- papa said a bathroom word.
- yeah, i know. come on.
159
00:11:09,465 --> 00:11:12,132
hey, uh, i'll clean up.
160
00:11:12,206 --> 00:11:13,862
- oh, really?
- yeah.
161
00:11:13,938 --> 00:11:17,033
- thanks a lot.
- all right, no problem.
162
00:11:18,905 --> 00:11:20,430
yeah, man,
i'll clean up anything
163
00:11:20,505 --> 00:11:22,802
if you'd suck my dick
once in a while.
164
00:11:36,167 --> 00:11:37,800
hey, walter,
how you doin'?
165
00:11:37,868 --> 00:11:41,730
i'm okay. uh, thanks again
for inviting us last night.
166
00:11:41,806 --> 00:11:44,662
we haven't met that many
people since we moved in, and--
167
00:11:48,137 --> 00:11:50,830
oh. oh, listen, uh...
168
00:11:52,335 --> 00:11:55,503
we didn't just throw away
the black barbie.
169
00:11:55,568 --> 00:11:58,602
we threw them both away.
no, we did. look.
170
00:12:00,306 --> 00:12:02,362
i swear to god-- see?
look, the white barbie.
171
00:12:02,435 --> 00:12:04,960
- we threw both away--
- yeah, i got it.
172
00:12:05,037 --> 00:12:07,733
you know, i was just offended
that you threw our gift away.
173
00:12:07,807 --> 00:12:11,630
it didn't occur to me
there was a racist angle.
174
00:12:11,706 --> 00:12:14,902
hey, man, what did you buy
her a black barbie for anyway?
175
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:17,762
because the black barbies
were half off.
176
00:12:31,038 --> 00:12:33,003
hey guys, i brought you
some fresh coffee.
177
00:12:33,065 --> 00:12:34,832
- hey, thanks.
- what?
178
00:12:34,905 --> 00:12:36,063
what do you mean,
"what?"
179
00:12:36,137 --> 00:12:38,532
i mean "what the fuck?"
180
00:12:41,437 --> 00:12:44,761
you never buy me anything,
you stingy prick.
181
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:48,001
- i'm in a good mood.
- why?
182
00:12:48,066 --> 00:12:49,830
well, kim ld me
not to make any plans
183
00:12:49,905 --> 00:12:53,001
because she wants to have sex
every night this week until sunday.
184
00:12:53,068 --> 00:12:54,700
when was the last time
you got laid?
185
00:12:54,765 --> 00:12:56,603
about four months ago.
186
00:12:59,305 --> 00:13:01,332
okay, when's the last
time you guys had sex?
187
00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:03,633
a couple of times
this morning.
188
00:13:07,038 --> 00:13:09,760
i got a hand job in the
parlor about two weeks ago.
189
00:13:11,008 --> 00:13:13,360
hey, nice. hey.
190
00:13:13,438 --> 00:13:14,961
well, look, i--
191
00:13:15,038 --> 00:13:17,002
all right. i have seven
days of sex ahead of me.
192
00:13:17,068 --> 00:13:18,260
that's all i know.
193
00:13:18,335 --> 00:13:21,730
for exactly seven days, huh? why?
194
00:13:21,806 --> 00:13:24,960
- i don't know, she-- - wake up,
dummy. she wants to have another kid.
195
00:13:25,036 --> 00:13:26,802
what?
no, wait a minute.
196
00:13:26,867 --> 00:13:29,230
what about your wife? is she
trying to get pregnant too?
197
00:13:29,307 --> 00:13:31,200
nah, tina shut down
her womb
198
00:13:31,267 --> 00:13:33,761
after jackie was born.
199
00:13:33,835 --> 00:13:36,660
so, you know, i just
slip it in whenever.
200
00:13:39,706 --> 00:13:43,700
it's a non-issue,
you know, but with kim--
201
00:13:43,768 --> 00:13:46,900
i can see it in her eyes.
she wants another baby.
202
00:13:46,968 --> 00:13:50,260
just another
little baby, eh?
203
00:13:50,335 --> 00:13:52,861
what do you think, louie,
this morning she just woke up
204
00:13:52,936 --> 00:13:55,733
and looked at your
dirty freckled cock...
205
00:13:57,408 --> 00:14:01,430
and thought to herself, "oh
yeah, i want that stuck in me"?
206
00:14:03,166 --> 00:14:04,560
maybe.
207
00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:08,800
listen up, douche.
208
00:14:08,865 --> 00:14:12,731
women are... bad.
209
00:14:12,806 --> 00:14:15,732
rich, just 'cause your wife
divorced you and took all your stuff
210
00:14:15,805 --> 00:14:18,501
- doesn't mean-- - that is what
opened my eyes to the truth.
211
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:21,263
and the truth is
women are powerful.
212
00:14:21,337 --> 00:14:22,833
they're dangerous.
213
00:14:22,906 --> 00:14:24,660
they used to rule
the world, you know.
214
00:14:24,745 --> 00:14:26,700
men were slaves.
215
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:29,802
that's retarded.
216
00:14:29,865 --> 00:14:33,131
how could women rule over
us? we can kick their ass.
217
00:14:34,337 --> 00:14:36,062
yeah, but you see,
the mothers ruled.
218
00:14:36,138 --> 00:14:38,262
and you can't raise
your hand to your mother.
219
00:14:38,338 --> 00:14:41,100
i'll hit my mother.
220
00:14:41,165 --> 00:14:43,930
i'll punch her
right in the face.
221
00:14:48,867 --> 00:14:50,933
now you can.
222
00:14:51,005 --> 00:14:52,701
because we rose up.
223
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:55,963
and then, pfff-- we laid
the patriarchy on 'em.
224
00:14:56,035 --> 00:14:59,801
and then we expunged the whole
thing from the history books
225
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,601
and started anew.
226
00:15:01,666 --> 00:15:04,663
just like
"planet of the apes."
227
00:15:06,736 --> 00:15:09,432
- hi, rich.
- hey, paul.
228
00:15:11,905 --> 00:15:14,162
meet me in the bathroom!
229
00:15:15,766 --> 00:15:18,402
all right, well,
i gotta sell some weed.
230
00:15:29,806 --> 00:15:31,400
- oh, hey, walter.
- hi.
231
00:15:31,467 --> 00:15:35,700
hey, man, listen. just
give me a second, all right?
232
00:15:35,765 --> 00:15:38,101
listen, what happened
this morning--
233
00:15:38,165 --> 00:15:40,101
i don't know, man,
can you just give me
234
00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:42,332
the benefit of the doubt
and just forget it?
235
00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:44,332
- sure.
- wait wait.
236
00:15:44,407 --> 00:15:48,233
why don't you come over for dinner
tomorrow night and bring the girls?
237
00:15:48,308 --> 00:15:50,630
- actually-- - let me
make it up to you, come on.
238
00:15:50,707 --> 00:15:52,501
i get home late
tomorrow, so...
239
00:15:52,568 --> 00:15:55,262
but we can have a late
dinner. it's no big deal.
240
00:15:55,336 --> 00:15:57,602
i'll make meatballs.
come on, please.
241
00:15:59,238 --> 00:16:02,002
- all right, i'll see you tomorrow.
- all right, man, great!
242
00:16:02,066 --> 00:16:05,900
i'll see you then,
man, okay! all right!
243
00:16:05,967 --> 00:16:07,561
bye, walter.
244
00:16:19,408 --> 00:16:21,131
hello.
245
00:16:23,167 --> 00:16:25,532
is that a new t-shirt?
246
00:16:25,607 --> 00:16:27,532
what?
247
00:16:27,605 --> 00:16:29,661
it looks
really good on you.
248
00:16:29,737 --> 00:16:31,130
maybe you're
losing weight.
249
00:16:31,208 --> 00:16:34,132
you just look
really good tonight.
250
00:16:34,207 --> 00:16:36,703
thanks. that's a--
251
00:16:42,005 --> 00:16:43,000
wait.
252
00:16:43,065 --> 00:16:45,860
why are you doing this?
253
00:16:45,937 --> 00:16:48,002
i want your dick.
254
00:16:52,067 --> 00:16:54,061
no, seriously.
255
00:16:54,137 --> 00:16:59,031
yeah.
i need it so bad.
256
00:16:59,107 --> 00:17:01,031
you need my dick?
257
00:17:01,106 --> 00:17:04,431
oh yeah.
it's great.
258
00:17:05,908 --> 00:17:08,432
you've been hating my dick
for like four months now.
259
00:17:10,005 --> 00:17:12,661
now you need it?
what's up with that?
260
00:17:12,736 --> 00:17:15,762
well, i forgot
how great it is
261
00:17:15,838 --> 00:17:19,100
and then
i just remembered.
262
00:17:19,167 --> 00:17:21,501
- are you trying to get pregnant?
- yes.
263
00:17:21,567 --> 00:17:22,763
yeah, see?
264
00:17:22,837 --> 00:17:24,131
you don't want my dick.
265
00:17:24,207 --> 00:17:26,601
yes, i do. i want it
to get pregnant with.
266
00:17:26,665 --> 00:17:30,700
jesus christ. kim, we
can't afford another baby.
267
00:17:30,765 --> 00:17:32,732
but we always said
we'd have two kids.
268
00:17:32,807 --> 00:17:35,201
we agreed when we had lucy that
we wouldn't make her be alone.
269
00:17:35,268 --> 00:17:37,463
yeah, but not now.
do you know how much
270
00:17:37,537 --> 00:17:39,633
we have in checking
right now? negative $50.
271
00:17:39,705 --> 00:17:43,103
we have to raise
50 bucks to be broke.
272
00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:48,860
i don't care.
i'm not waiting.
273
00:17:48,937 --> 00:17:51,563
lucy is four already. i'm
getting pregnant right now.
274
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:53,901
you ain't getting pregnant
without my sperm.
275
00:17:53,967 --> 00:17:57,560
that is not your sperm.
that is our sperm!
276
00:17:57,637 --> 00:17:59,931
that's my sperm!
give it to me!
277
00:18:01,836 --> 00:18:03,303
give it!
278
00:18:03,367 --> 00:18:04,503
papa, mama!
279
00:18:04,568 --> 00:18:06,201
papa will you
read this book to me?
280
00:18:06,266 --> 00:18:08,633
yes, thank god,
i will read it to you.
281
00:18:14,568 --> 00:18:17,703
okay...
282
00:18:17,768 --> 00:18:20,632
once upon a time there
was a family of bears--
283
00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:23,032
a mama bear, a papa bear...
284
00:18:23,106 --> 00:18:24,663
and one baby bear.
285
00:18:31,837 --> 00:18:34,903
well, are you guys trying
to get pregnant again?
286
00:18:34,967 --> 00:18:37,163
i'm trying. he's just being a baby.
287
00:18:37,237 --> 00:18:39,201
i can't believe
he turned down sex.
288
00:18:39,266 --> 00:18:43,100
mmm. sure he's not getting
something on the side?
289
00:18:43,166 --> 00:18:45,060
oh, please!
290
00:18:45,135 --> 00:18:47,361
do you know he barely
ever washes?
291
00:18:47,438 --> 00:18:51,030
i mean, i'm pretty sure
i'm the only woman
292
00:18:51,108 --> 00:18:53,560
who's getting near him
at this point.
293
00:18:53,635 --> 00:18:56,730
i love him and everything,
but... ugh.
294
00:18:58,365 --> 00:18:59,930
see, i don't get that.
295
00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:01,430
i like sex too much.
296
00:19:01,507 --> 00:19:05,661
mike doesn't wash. i just
hold my nose and fuck him.
297
00:19:07,037 --> 00:19:09,400
have you tried
holding your nose?
298
00:19:10,865 --> 00:19:13,033
i'm not the problem.
he is.
299
00:19:13,107 --> 00:19:16,033
he won't fuck me 'cause
he's worried about money.
300
00:19:16,106 --> 00:19:18,103
you charge him for sex?
301
00:19:20,105 --> 00:19:22,103
he thinks we can't
afford another baby.
302
00:19:22,166 --> 00:19:24,701
oh, christ. well, there's
your problem right there--
303
00:19:24,768 --> 00:19:27,200
he's thinking. you got
to get beyond his mind
304
00:19:27,265 --> 00:19:30,631
and get all his blood flowing
to his little fatty down there,
305
00:19:30,705 --> 00:19:33,100
and then he will
forget everything,
306
00:19:33,168 --> 00:19:35,260
let alone about money.
307
00:19:35,336 --> 00:19:38,060
yeah, i tried that last
night and he didn't go for it.
308
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:41,760
well, you gotta seduce
the bastard.
309
00:19:41,838 --> 00:19:44,201
you can't let him
make the choice.
310
00:19:44,268 --> 00:19:48,060
it's up to you.
you gotta just grab him
311
00:19:48,135 --> 00:19:50,603
and just-- ooh,
squeeze and hold him
312
00:19:50,666 --> 00:19:53,533
and go, "oh god, honey,
i love you so much.
313
00:19:53,605 --> 00:19:55,431
oh, baby, i love you.
314
00:19:55,507 --> 00:19:57,663
oh, you like that?
yeah, i like it too.
315
00:19:57,737 --> 00:19:59,801
ooh, that feels good. ooh,
does it feel good to you?
316
00:19:59,867 --> 00:20:01,431
yeah, i like when you--
oh yeah.
317
00:20:01,506 --> 00:20:04,530
oh, baby, you're my
sweet tiger angel pudding.
318
00:20:04,605 --> 00:20:06,400
ooh, i love you so--"
319
00:20:08,235 --> 00:20:10,661
what?
i'm gonna buy it.
320
00:20:13,708 --> 00:20:15,263
bitch.
321
00:20:34,868 --> 00:20:37,200
sorry, i forgot
my glass.
322
00:20:48,337 --> 00:20:52,901
oh, look at the dirty
dirty stove. ooh.
323
00:20:52,966 --> 00:20:54,302
cut it out.
324
00:20:54,365 --> 00:20:56,300
why, am i
turning you on?
325
00:20:56,367 --> 00:20:58,361
yes, dummy.
326
00:20:59,765 --> 00:21:03,662
well, do something about it,
you big fucking pole-smoker.
327
00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:10,560
we can't afford it.
328
00:21:12,507 --> 00:21:15,301
stop thinking about money.
the only thing
329
00:21:15,367 --> 00:21:18,101
you should be
thinking about
330
00:21:18,165 --> 00:21:20,803
is all this ass.
331
00:21:23,705 --> 00:21:25,801
we can't afford it!
332
00:21:29,966 --> 00:21:31,932
yeah, talk to it, baby.
333
00:21:34,405 --> 00:21:37,331
look, i would love
to tap that ass.
334
00:21:37,407 --> 00:21:39,331
so tap it.
335
00:21:39,408 --> 00:21:42,303
i want to, but my dick
is too aware
336
00:21:42,368 --> 00:21:44,862
that your pussy is a
chamber of financial ruin.
337
00:21:51,535 --> 00:21:52,863
are you serious?
338
00:21:52,938 --> 00:21:55,200
i'm sorry, i need
at least $3000
339
00:21:55,265 --> 00:21:57,661
in an interest-bearing
account to get fully hard.
340
00:22:02,338 --> 00:22:04,531
i said i'm sorry.
341
00:22:20,406 --> 00:22:21,732
shit.
342
00:22:24,408 --> 00:22:28,261
hey, hi, guys. great.
343
00:22:30,306 --> 00:22:33,561
well, thanks
for dinner.
344
00:22:50,006 --> 00:22:52,560
one time me and my
friends were at the park
345
00:22:52,637 --> 00:22:55,932
and my friend's little brother
was running in the sand--
346
00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:58,463
that's great, sweetie.
go have a good time, okay?
347
00:23:06,366 --> 00:23:08,462
so...
348
00:23:08,538 --> 00:23:11,260
how's the sex week
going?
349
00:23:11,335 --> 00:23:13,961
aw, you were right. she was
just trying to get pregnant.
350
00:23:14,038 --> 00:23:16,461
so what?
351
00:23:16,538 --> 00:23:19,130
so, i gotta choose
between another kid
352
00:23:19,206 --> 00:23:21,130
or no sex
for another year.
353
00:23:21,208 --> 00:23:24,900
aw, go ahead,
have another one.
354
00:23:24,968 --> 00:23:27,100
that's how life goes:
355
00:23:27,168 --> 00:23:30,002
you fuck,
356
00:23:30,066 --> 00:23:31,632
you have kids,
357
00:23:31,707 --> 00:23:34,833
you eat.
358
00:23:34,905 --> 00:23:36,601
that's all.
359
00:23:39,865 --> 00:23:42,030
look at me.
360
00:23:48,367 --> 00:23:50,300
yeah, i guess i'm just
being a pussy about it.
361
00:23:50,368 --> 00:23:52,462
you know what?
it's not even the money.
362
00:23:52,535 --> 00:23:55,102
- we had less money when we had lucy.
- so what's your problem?
363
00:23:55,166 --> 00:23:58,230
it's just that i feel like i got
nothing to do with what happens to me.
364
00:23:58,307 --> 00:24:01,733
i feel like a lobster walking
into a trap after trap.
365
00:24:01,807 --> 00:24:06,601
the day you get married you
realize, "shit, i can't leave now.
366
00:24:07,965 --> 00:24:09,863
i mean, i wasn't
thinking of leaving
367
00:24:09,936 --> 00:24:11,301
but now i really
can't leave."
368
00:24:11,365 --> 00:24:14,102
and then you have a kid, and
the moment the kid arrives
369
00:24:14,165 --> 00:24:17,361
you realize "shit,
i could have left!
370
00:24:19,605 --> 00:24:22,032
i totally could have left.
the door was right there.
371
00:24:22,105 --> 00:24:24,533
it wasn't even
fucking locked."
372
00:24:24,605 --> 00:24:26,363
yeah, right.
373
00:24:26,435 --> 00:24:29,600
well, that's the way
you feel right now.
374
00:24:29,667 --> 00:24:31,902
that's natural.
375
00:24:31,966 --> 00:24:34,100
but it gets better.
376
00:24:34,166 --> 00:24:35,961
- it does?
- yeah.
377
00:24:36,035 --> 00:24:39,660
you see, you're just
on your first wife.
378
00:24:41,467 --> 00:24:44,602
now with your first wife
you make all the mistakes.
379
00:24:44,666 --> 00:24:47,933
but with your second wife you
try to correct those mistakes,
380
00:24:48,005 --> 00:24:51,501
but you make new,
worse ones.
381
00:24:53,167 --> 00:24:55,162
but the third wife, heh--
382
00:24:55,236 --> 00:24:57,761
ah, there's a marriage.
383
00:25:00,836 --> 00:25:04,303
yeah, you'll enjoy that.
384
00:25:04,367 --> 00:25:06,302
ll, thanks,
but i guess
385
00:25:06,368 --> 00:25:08,763
i still hold out hope that
i can make this one work.
386
00:25:09,965 --> 00:25:11,961
good luck with that.
387
00:25:13,636 --> 00:25:15,701
- there's these pretty
dolls... - mm-hmm.
388
00:25:15,766 --> 00:25:18,761
...and one has a really
pretty pink sparkly dress...
389
00:25:18,838 --> 00:25:21,002
- mm-hmm. - ...and
another one comes with this
390
00:25:21,066 --> 00:25:22,733
really really
pretty horse.
391
00:25:22,808 --> 00:25:25,261
and another one comes
with this cool motorcycle.
392
00:25:25,335 --> 00:25:27,031
that's great, sweetie.
listen, uh,
393
00:25:27,106 --> 00:25:28,962
just tell mom i'll be in
in a minute, okay?
394
00:25:39,937 --> 00:25:41,701
- hey, walter--
- oh, jesus!
395
00:25:41,767 --> 00:25:45,333
hey listen, man, you gotta let
me apologize for the other night--
396
00:25:45,406 --> 00:25:48,632
look, don't bother. can't we
just be neighbors and strangers?
397
00:25:48,707 --> 00:25:51,231
we're having a barbecue
in the courtyard tomorrow.
398
00:25:51,305 --> 00:25:55,230
- you guys could come, and-- -
look, man, let me put this simply:
399
00:25:55,308 --> 00:25:57,702
i don't like you.
400
00:25:57,765 --> 00:25:59,361
that's okay.
i don't care.
401
00:25:59,436 --> 00:26:02,160
just come tomorrow and we'll
get to know each other--
402
00:26:02,236 --> 00:26:04,200
you know what's so
offensive about this to me?
403
00:26:04,265 --> 00:26:06,362
i get the distinct feeling
that you're just trying
404
00:26:06,435 --> 00:26:07,933
to acquire a black friend.
405
00:26:08,007 --> 00:26:11,163
yes, that's exactly
what i'm doing.
406
00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:15,130
but i'm not doing it for me.
i'm doing it for my daughter.
407
00:26:15,207 --> 00:26:16,660
how's that?
408
00:26:16,737 --> 00:26:20,661
look, when lucy was
two years old,
409
00:26:20,735 --> 00:26:23,103
we had this guy over
to fix the refrigerator,
410
00:26:23,167 --> 00:26:24,400
and he was black.
411
00:26:24,467 --> 00:26:27,500
so lucy says,
"refrigerator,"
412
00:26:27,567 --> 00:26:29,901
and the guy says, "that's
right, refrigerator."
413
00:26:29,965 --> 00:26:32,331
okay, like, two months later
we're on a bus downtown,
414
00:26:32,405 --> 00:26:34,102
and she sees another
black person.
415
00:26:34,167 --> 00:26:36,563
and she points at him
and says "refrigerator."
416
00:26:36,635 --> 00:26:40,733
that's when i realized my daughter
needs to know some black people.
417
00:26:50,307 --> 00:26:52,161
i understand.
418
00:26:52,238 --> 00:26:54,402
but i still don't
like you.
419
00:26:54,468 --> 00:26:56,830
it's okay.
just pretend.
420
00:26:58,507 --> 00:27:00,703
- okay, i'll try.
- great, so you'll come tomorrow?
421
00:27:00,766 --> 00:27:03,732
will there actually be a
barbecue when we get there?
422
00:27:03,806 --> 00:27:05,860
yes, i promise.
423
00:27:08,768 --> 00:27:10,561
hey man, i guess
it's wor it,
424
00:27:10,638 --> 00:27:13,200
if i can let one little white
girl learn the difference
425
00:27:13,267 --> 00:27:15,902
between a black man
and a refrigerator.
426
00:27:24,605 --> 00:27:28,202
okay, my check
is for $1200
427
00:27:28,268 --> 00:27:30,932
and yours
is for $118.
428
00:27:32,066 --> 00:27:35,032
so what bills do we
have to pay today?
429
00:27:35,106 --> 00:27:38,800
we have to pay the rent, and
we need the lights to stay on
430
00:27:38,868 --> 00:27:40,502
and the gas
431
00:27:40,566 --> 00:27:42,160
and the heat.
432
00:27:42,238 --> 00:27:43,402
do we need a phone?
433
00:27:43,467 --> 00:27:46,131
- no. cut it off.
- yeah.
434
00:27:47,206 --> 00:27:49,200
hi, uh...
435
00:27:49,265 --> 00:27:52,402
we need to cash these checks
and we need to pay these bills
436
00:27:52,468 --> 00:27:54,131
and we'll take
what's left in cash.
437
00:27:54,206 --> 00:27:56,062
okay.
438
00:27:56,136 --> 00:27:58,863
i guess i'm just gonna have to
work a lot of overtime this month.
439
00:27:58,938 --> 00:28:01,030
listen, whatever we
got left from this
440
00:28:01,105 --> 00:28:03,732
let's go out to dinner
with it, all right?
441
00:28:03,808 --> 00:28:07,062
and your change
is gonna be 5�.
442
00:28:14,907 --> 00:28:18,001
listen, you're right.
we can't have another kid.
443
00:28:18,068 --> 00:28:19,903
this is all too much.
444
00:28:19,966 --> 00:28:22,563
i mean,
i want another one,
445
00:28:22,636 --> 00:28:24,801
but i think
i'm just being stupid.
446
00:28:24,865 --> 00:28:26,831
all this debt
is just too much.
447
00:28:26,906 --> 00:28:30,363
wait a minute. what about lucy
being alone and all that stuff?
448
00:28:30,436 --> 00:28:33,661
none of that meant
anything, i don't think.
449
00:28:36,007 --> 00:28:37,933
jesus, honey.
what are you doing?
450
00:28:39,568 --> 00:28:42,262
i just wanted
a little baby.
451
00:28:42,337 --> 00:28:43,932
i just wanted
another little baby.
452
00:28:44,005 --> 00:28:45,701
i know it doesn't
make any sense now.
453
00:28:45,768 --> 00:28:47,862
i just wanted one,
that's all.
454
00:28:47,935 --> 00:28:50,361
i'm sorry, honey.
i'm sorry.
455
00:28:50,438 --> 00:28:52,230
at least we already
have a baby.
456
00:28:52,307 --> 00:28:55,203
we have a really nice baby.
some people don't even have that.
457
00:28:57,665 --> 00:29:00,960
oh god.
gotta get home.
458
00:29:01,037 --> 00:29:03,530
hey...
459
00:29:05,437 --> 00:29:07,363
you want some gum?
460
00:29:08,408 --> 00:29:10,703
yeah.
461
00:29:21,866 --> 00:29:24,700
what the hell?!
462
00:29:24,766 --> 00:29:27,063
hey, this ate my nickel.
463
00:29:27,135 --> 00:29:28,362
louie, let's
just go home.
464
00:29:28,435 --> 00:29:32,531
hey, i want my nickel. the
shitty candy machine ate it!
465
00:29:32,606 --> 00:29:35,003
go away, sir.
466
00:29:35,068 --> 00:29:37,830
hey, man, no fucking way!
this isn't right!
467
00:29:37,908 --> 00:29:38,832
louie.
468
00:29:38,906 --> 00:29:40,601
look, you want
another baby,
469
00:29:40,667 --> 00:29:42,301
and maybe it's
for a stupid reason,
470
00:29:42,368 --> 00:29:44,232
but what, am i supposed
to let them tell us--
471
00:29:44,307 --> 00:29:47,403
the phone company and the cable
company? am i supposed to let them--
472
00:29:47,467 --> 00:29:50,801
am i supposed to let you tell me
that we can't have another baby?
473
00:29:50,865 --> 00:29:52,961
that's right, sir.
474
00:29:53,035 --> 00:29:54,633
well, guess what,
asshole,
475
00:29:54,706 --> 00:29:57,730
we're gonna go home and we're
gonna make another baby right now.
476
00:29:57,806 --> 00:30:00,763
wow, honey, you got like
an anger boner right now.
477
00:30:02,307 --> 00:30:04,001
i'm gonna
fuck your tits off.
478
00:30:14,308 --> 00:30:15,632
oh!
479
00:30:16,308 --> 00:30:19,632
Transcript: Raceman
www.forom.com
480
00:30:20,632 --> 00:30:30,632
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