subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Key And Peele s05e03 A Cappella Club.eng

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cebuano

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch Download

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Interlingua

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese) Download

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil) Download

Portuguese (Portugal)

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian Download

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Spanish (Latin American)

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish Download

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,707 --> 00:00:06,237 What does it take to save a child in Africa? 2 00:00:06,356 --> 00:00:08,606 To save them from the violence? 3 00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:13,796 To save them from becoming a child soldier? 4 00:00:14,780 --> 00:00:18,365 What if I told you that all it took 5 00:00:18,451 --> 00:00:21,068 was just one beard? 6 00:00:21,153 --> 00:00:23,332 For the price of one costume beard, 7 00:00:23,392 --> 00:00:26,406 you can save a child from becoming another statistic, 8 00:00:26,492 --> 00:00:28,542 another warlord's pawn. 9 00:00:29,161 --> 00:00:30,282 Be safe. 10 00:00:34,695 --> 00:00:36,583 That's right. 11 00:00:36,719 --> 00:00:38,265 Just one beard. 12 00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:41,782 And for a little more, you can get him a cane. 13 00:00:42,808 --> 00:00:45,342 (inspirational music) 14 00:00:45,427 --> 00:00:46,426 (music stops) 15 00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:51,815 (door closes) 16 00:00:51,934 --> 00:00:53,100 We are here for the children! 17 00:00:53,235 --> 00:00:56,153 (suspenseful music) 18 00:00:56,272 --> 00:00:59,273 19 00:01:01,277 --> 00:01:04,278 (upbeat jazz music playing) 20 00:01:14,089 --> 00:01:15,289 These are all old people. 21 00:01:15,424 --> 00:01:17,291 We are wasting our time. 22 00:01:18,460 --> 00:01:19,793 Wait! 23 00:01:21,297 --> 00:01:24,181 (dramatic music) 24 00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:28,054 25 00:01:38,030 --> 00:01:39,479 (whistles) 26 00:01:39,615 --> 00:01:41,031 (engine starts) 27 00:01:41,150 --> 00:01:43,450 Go, go! 28 00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:46,403 (inspirational music) 29 00:01:46,488 --> 00:01:50,290 30 00:01:50,376 --> 00:01:52,042 Call today. 31 00:01:52,161 --> 00:01:59,499 32 00:02:01,003 --> 00:02:03,887 (haunting Western music) 33 00:02:04,006 --> 00:02:07,273 34 00:02:22,611 --> 00:02:26,315 Sync & corrections by dwigt addic7ed.com 35 00:02:29,882 --> 00:02:33,466 There was one time I was in my choir at school. 36 00:02:33,552 --> 00:02:35,468 - Mm-hmm. - My chorus teacher goes, 37 00:02:35,554 --> 00:02:37,504 "All right, so now we're gonna-- for this next number, 38 00:02:37,589 --> 00:02:39,422 "we're gonna need somebody to play the tambourine." 39 00:02:39,508 --> 00:02:40,924 Oh, no. 40 00:02:41,009 --> 00:02:43,677 And, uh... it was very clear he gave it to me and was like 41 00:02:43,762 --> 00:02:46,346 you know, all right, Jordan, this black kid, 42 00:02:46,481 --> 00:02:48,265 he's gonna be fine with this tambourine. 43 00:02:48,350 --> 00:02:49,683 I don't know, Keegan, man. I'm just not-- 44 00:02:49,768 --> 00:02:51,068 You could not get it in there. 45 00:02:51,175 --> 00:02:52,519 The white half of me 46 00:02:52,604 --> 00:02:55,071 was just rocking that tambourine. 47 00:02:55,190 --> 00:02:56,823 And you were on the two and the four. 48 00:02:56,909 --> 00:02:58,491 And, like, I think by the end of the class, 49 00:02:58,577 --> 00:03:00,660 I was ashamed I was half white. 50 00:03:00,746 --> 00:03:01,945 You just couldn't get it going, huh? 51 00:03:01,963 --> 00:03:02,837 I still am. 52 00:03:02,908 --> 00:03:04,245 You're still ashamed that you're half white? 53 00:03:04,299 --> 00:03:05,311 Yeah. 54 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,021 I hope your mom isn't watching this episode. 55 00:03:07,108 --> 00:03:08,023 No, she's fine. 56 00:03:08,064 --> 00:03:10,009 She's probably ashamed of it, too. 57 00:03:10,088 --> 00:03:11,371 (laughs) 58 00:03:13,592 --> 00:03:14,708 One, two... 59 00:03:14,793 --> 00:03:16,293 (scats) 60 00:03:16,378 --> 00:03:20,764 (all) There goes the girl who owns my heart 61 00:03:20,882 --> 00:03:25,385 I knew she was the one right from the start 62 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,604 - Ooh-wah - Our love is here to stay 63 00:03:27,723 --> 00:03:30,023 - Ooh-wah - Each and every day 64 00:03:30,108 --> 00:03:33,226 We know that we will never part 65 00:03:33,312 --> 00:03:36,613 (scats) 66 00:03:36,732 --> 00:03:38,231 Oh, wow. 67 00:03:38,367 --> 00:03:39,649 Great work, everybody. 68 00:03:39,735 --> 00:03:42,285 Troy, I love that little Motown outro thing. 69 00:03:42,404 --> 00:03:43,737 Super soulful. 70 00:03:43,822 --> 00:03:45,071 Cool. Thanks, Lyle. 71 00:03:45,157 --> 00:03:48,325 Yeah, it just, uh, came to me, so I went with it. 72 00:03:48,410 --> 00:03:50,210 Wow. That's crazy. 73 00:03:50,295 --> 00:03:52,462 Hey, is this where the a cappella group meets? 74 00:03:52,470 --> 00:03:53,700 - Oh, hey, Mark. - Hey, Lyle. 75 00:03:53,749 --> 00:03:54,622 What's going on, buddy? 76 00:03:54,670 --> 00:03:55,773 - Mark, get over here. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 77 00:03:55,794 --> 00:03:56,883 Guys, this is my buddy, Mark. 78 00:03:56,969 --> 00:03:58,501 He just transferred from Minnesota. 79 00:03:58,587 --> 00:04:00,670 I thought he could sit in on a few practices. 80 00:04:00,756 --> 00:04:01,972 I don't know, maybe join the group? 81 00:04:02,090 --> 00:04:03,256 Maybe. (chuckles) 82 00:04:03,325 --> 00:04:04,210 All right, guys. 83 00:04:04,228 --> 00:04:05,809 Let's do "Always Been My Girl" again, from the top. 84 00:04:05,927 --> 00:04:07,811 - "Always Been My Girl," okay. - And... Mark? 85 00:04:07,929 --> 00:04:09,396 - Show us your stuff. - You got it, man. 86 00:04:09,414 --> 00:04:10,561 All right, guys. Ready? 87 00:04:10,609 --> 00:04:12,893 - One, two... - (scats) 88 00:04:13,268 --> 00:04:15,268 (all) There goes the girl 89 00:04:15,354 --> 00:04:17,904 Who owns my heart 90 00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:22,609 I knew she was the one right from the start 91 00:04:22,744 --> 00:04:24,911 - Ooh wah - Our love is here to stay 92 00:04:24,997 --> 00:04:27,197 - Ooh wah - Each and every day 93 00:04:27,282 --> 00:04:29,866 We know that we will never part 94 00:04:29,951 --> 00:04:32,702 (scats) 95 00:04:32,788 --> 00:04:37,290 Ooh-wee-ee-ooh 96 00:04:37,426 --> 00:04:38,958 (all laugh and clap) 97 00:04:39,094 --> 00:04:40,377 You got to be kidding me. 98 00:04:40,462 --> 00:04:42,295 Mark, that was out of this world. 99 00:04:42,431 --> 00:04:44,347 Oh, gosh, okay, well, hey, it just came to me, 100 00:04:44,466 --> 00:04:46,299 so I just went with it. 101 00:04:46,435 --> 00:04:48,101 Great. Well, keep going with it. 102 00:04:48,186 --> 00:04:50,637 Guys, have a safe weekend, all right? 103 00:04:50,772 --> 00:04:53,306 - See you on Monday. - Nice to meet you guys, man. 104 00:04:53,392 --> 00:04:55,025 - That was awesome. - Isn't he the best? 105 00:04:55,143 --> 00:04:56,192 Cool, guys. Great practice. 106 00:04:56,311 --> 00:04:57,394 - Troy, good effort. - All right. 107 00:04:57,479 --> 00:04:58,611 (Troy laughs) 108 00:04:58,697 --> 00:05:00,730 Yeah, check you later, guys. 109 00:05:00,816 --> 00:05:02,899 See you later, alligators. 110 00:05:05,537 --> 00:05:08,455 (ominous music) 111 00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:12,377 112 00:05:17,249 --> 00:05:19,402 The [bleep] you think you doing, [bleep]? 113 00:05:20,302 --> 00:05:23,303 I'm doing my thing, [bleep]. 114 00:05:23,388 --> 00:05:24,721 The [bleep] you doing? 115 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,639 See... 116 00:05:26,725 --> 00:05:30,477 this is my seven white boys, [bleep]. 117 00:05:30,562 --> 00:05:32,345 - (scoffs) - You need to back 118 00:05:32,481 --> 00:05:34,314 the [bleep] up. 119 00:05:34,399 --> 00:05:37,400 [bleep] that, [bleep]. 120 00:05:37,519 --> 00:05:39,319 I'm 'bouts to get mine. 121 00:05:39,404 --> 00:05:42,072 Do you have any idea how long it took 122 00:05:42,190 --> 00:05:45,775 for me to infiltrate this group, [bleep]? 123 00:05:47,245 --> 00:05:49,028 25 minutes. 124 00:05:50,665 --> 00:05:52,282 You think I'm gonna roll over 125 00:05:52,367 --> 00:05:54,784 for some falsetto-ass mother[bleep]? 126 00:05:54,870 --> 00:05:57,670 (scoffs) 127 00:05:57,756 --> 00:05:59,689 Well, you know what, [bleep]? 128 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:03,456 White boys is gonna do what white boys is gonna do. 129 00:06:04,463 --> 00:06:05,595 And if they want to run 130 00:06:05,714 --> 00:06:08,570 with a high-ass-singing falsetto [bleep], 131 00:06:09,940 --> 00:06:11,806 then that's on them. 132 00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:13,080 Oh, that's on them, then? 133 00:06:13,121 --> 00:06:14,354 Oh, that's on them, then. 134 00:06:14,389 --> 00:06:15,805 Okay, so it's like that? 135 00:06:15,891 --> 00:06:17,524 Oh, it's so like that. 136 00:06:17,609 --> 00:06:18,808 Well, watch your back, [bleep]! 137 00:06:18,894 --> 00:06:20,872 - Okay. - Watch your back, [bleep]! 138 00:06:20,906 --> 00:06:23,123 'cause you [bleep] with my [bleep], 139 00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:25,308 I'll [bleep] with your [bleep], [bleep]! 140 00:06:25,951 --> 00:06:27,434 (echoing) 141 00:06:28,858 --> 00:06:30,691 And improvise. 142 00:06:30,777 --> 00:06:32,897 Oh, it's so cold out, and it's going to be dark soon. 143 00:06:32,906 --> 00:06:34,372 Oh, my God. Yeah, we should build a fire. 144 00:06:34,454 --> 00:06:36,727 Right, yeah, um, like... 145 00:06:36,862 --> 00:06:38,478 Oh! Fire! Fire! 146 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:39,896 Freeze! 147 00:06:41,066 --> 00:06:42,703 Oh, no. It's a black cat. 148 00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:44,451 Hey, man. 149 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,154 Why the cat got to be black? 150 00:06:47,416 --> 00:06:49,716 (laughter) 151 00:06:49,716 --> 00:06:50,631 Freeze! 152 00:06:50,809 --> 00:06:53,726 (dramatic music) 153 00:06:53,812 --> 00:06:55,428 154 00:06:55,442 --> 00:06:58,309 Man, I guess I got to put my dick away. 155 00:06:58,517 --> 00:07:01,518 (laughter) 156 00:07:02,938 --> 00:07:05,822 (suspenseful music) 157 00:07:05,941 --> 00:07:09,496 158 00:07:31,794 --> 00:07:33,232 Like a legitimate date 159 00:07:33,351 --> 00:07:35,128 in the definition of a date in the dictionary, 160 00:07:35,180 --> 00:07:37,248 I feel like I've been on four dates in my whole life. 161 00:07:37,263 --> 00:07:40,823 The problem with dating is, like, if I start to date, 162 00:07:40,908 --> 00:07:44,410 I'm trying to do what I think you're supposed to do on a date. 163 00:07:44,529 --> 00:07:46,912 So it's like, we're about to see a movie, right? 164 00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:48,080 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 165 00:07:48,138 --> 00:07:50,142 And then, look, this is how you be a sexy date. 166 00:07:50,186 --> 00:07:51,534 You be like, "You know what?" 167 00:07:51,619 --> 00:07:52,868 - Screw it. - Screw this. 168 00:07:53,004 --> 00:07:54,724 "Let's go take a walk by the canal." 169 00:07:54,814 --> 00:07:56,252 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 170 00:07:56,308 --> 00:07:57,409 You almost there, you go, 171 00:07:57,454 --> 00:07:59,404 "You know what? Let's get out of here. 172 00:07:59,961 --> 00:08:01,377 "Let's go to my place." 173 00:08:01,401 --> 00:08:03,585 On the way to your place, do you throw another one in there? 174 00:08:03,610 --> 00:08:04,713 You know what? Screw this. 175 00:08:04,849 --> 00:08:06,265 Screw this. Let's go skip in the fountain. 176 00:08:06,384 --> 00:08:08,601 - Come on. Why not? - Pick up some chroners, or... 177 00:08:08,639 --> 00:08:09,893 And then after you get out of the fountain? 178 00:08:09,937 --> 00:08:11,561 You know what? Screw it. Let's hit the cinema. 179 00:08:11,604 --> 00:08:13,689 Let's go to a movie. And then you're soaking wet. 180 00:08:13,714 --> 00:08:15,204 Right. Yeah. And, of course, you know-- 181 00:08:15,226 --> 00:08:17,226 - Watching some god-awful film. - You see a bad film. 182 00:08:17,249 --> 00:08:18,997 Also the fact that it's air conditioned in there. 183 00:08:19,030 --> 00:08:20,563 - Yeah. - Give yourself a chill. 184 00:08:23,651 --> 00:08:26,152 (laughter) 185 00:08:26,237 --> 00:08:28,287 God, the moment I saw you last night in the club, 186 00:08:28,406 --> 00:08:29,989 totally had to ask you out. 187 00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:31,574 Are you kidding me? Like, the moment? 188 00:08:31,659 --> 00:08:33,626 - Oh, yeah. - That's so sweet. 189 00:08:33,744 --> 00:08:35,877 And I was actually afraid that you were going to be, like, 190 00:08:35,987 --> 00:08:38,187 one of those high-maintenance chicks, you know? 191 00:08:38,883 --> 00:08:40,166 - What? - Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. 192 00:08:40,251 --> 00:08:43,169 I don't know. Control freak or-- I don't even know. 193 00:08:43,254 --> 00:08:45,504 Oh, my God. That's so funny. 194 00:08:45,590 --> 00:08:46,555 Isn't it? 195 00:08:46,641 --> 00:08:48,439 Is it? Is it funny? Is it funny? 196 00:08:48,519 --> 00:08:51,927 No. I'm, like, I totally just like to be just easygoing. 197 00:08:52,013 --> 00:08:53,262 - Yeah, yeah. - Hi, I'm Wayne. 198 00:08:53,286 --> 00:08:54,873 - I'll be your waiter. - It's been five minutes 199 00:08:54,877 --> 00:08:57,433 and we're just now getting our menus? 200 00:08:58,678 --> 00:09:00,211 Oh, I'm sorry. 201 00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:01,604 Don't be sorry. 202 00:09:01,739 --> 00:09:04,657 Be better. 203 00:09:04,775 --> 00:09:06,275 Right. Okay. I'll be better. 204 00:09:06,410 --> 00:09:07,526 At your job. 205 00:09:07,612 --> 00:09:09,445 (tense music) 206 00:09:09,530 --> 00:09:11,280 Thank you. 207 00:09:13,251 --> 00:09:15,618 So, yeah, my philosophy is pretty much like, 208 00:09:15,703 --> 00:09:16,952 keep it chill. 209 00:09:17,088 --> 00:09:18,454 Right, yeah, yeah. 210 00:09:18,539 --> 00:09:19,788 You know what I like about you? 211 00:09:19,924 --> 00:09:21,606 - No, what? - It's like you're not afraid 212 00:09:21,642 --> 00:09:24,293 to be, like, brainy and respectful. 213 00:09:24,378 --> 00:09:25,461 Right. Thanks. 214 00:09:25,546 --> 00:09:26,735 I really like your boobs. 215 00:09:26,776 --> 00:09:27,880 (chuckles) 216 00:09:27,965 --> 00:09:29,610 I think we really complement each other well. 217 00:09:29,634 --> 00:09:30,850 We just did it right there. 218 00:09:30,968 --> 00:09:33,435 And, uh, I pretty much go with the flow. 219 00:09:33,521 --> 00:09:34,386 Right, right. 220 00:09:34,472 --> 00:09:37,640 What the [bleep] is wrong with you? 221 00:09:37,725 --> 00:09:38,782 Excuse me? 222 00:09:38,877 --> 00:09:40,927 Do I look like Mad Max to you? 223 00:09:41,312 --> 00:09:42,311 I-I'm sorry? 224 00:09:42,446 --> 00:09:45,197 Do I look like Mel Gibson with a mullet? 225 00:09:45,316 --> 00:09:46,398 I... 226 00:09:46,484 --> 00:09:47,867 no, not at all. 227 00:09:47,985 --> 00:09:49,535 Does he look like a feral child 228 00:09:49,654 --> 00:09:51,203 with a boomerang in his hand? 229 00:09:51,322 --> 00:09:52,488 No. 230 00:09:52,623 --> 00:09:55,427 Then why the [bleep] is water a rare commodity here? 231 00:09:55,459 --> 00:09:56,992 It's-- It's not. I'm just, uh-- 232 00:09:57,078 --> 00:09:58,980 (fake laughing) 233 00:09:59,086 --> 00:10:00,579 I'm sorry. I'm just really slammed. 234 00:10:00,603 --> 00:10:01,964 No, you'll know when you're slammed 235 00:10:02,049 --> 00:10:03,411 because your nuts will be on the table 236 00:10:03,445 --> 00:10:05,334 and my fists will be covered in your blood. 237 00:10:05,469 --> 00:10:08,337 (dramatic music) 238 00:10:08,472 --> 00:10:10,923 239 00:10:13,010 --> 00:10:14,358 Um... 240 00:10:15,785 --> 00:10:17,118 You were, uh... 241 00:10:17,914 --> 00:10:20,065 like, kind of harsh to that guy. 242 00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:21,567 Oh, him? 243 00:10:21,686 --> 00:10:23,352 - Yeah. - No. 244 00:10:23,437 --> 00:10:25,460 I was a hostess at a restaurant. 245 00:10:25,490 --> 00:10:27,489 In the industry, that's how we talk to each other. 246 00:10:27,575 --> 00:10:29,244 I'll show you. Hey! 247 00:10:29,694 --> 00:10:31,379 Uh, hey. 248 00:10:32,096 --> 00:10:33,078 What do you see there? 249 00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:34,079 That's your water. 250 00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:35,915 No, no, no, no, no, no. Down. 251 00:10:36,033 --> 00:10:37,249 Down? 252 00:10:37,368 --> 00:10:39,515 Down, boy. Get on your knees. 253 00:10:39,554 --> 00:10:41,870 Okay, I have other tables that I have... 254 00:10:42,253 --> 00:10:44,123 What does that look like to you? 255 00:10:44,146 --> 00:10:45,859 Yes, there's a little lipstick on your glass. 256 00:10:45,876 --> 00:10:47,126 - Okay. - But it... 257 00:10:47,151 --> 00:10:48,377 Megan, it's your-- it's yours-- 258 00:10:48,382 --> 00:10:49,698 This is what I want you to do. 259 00:10:49,796 --> 00:10:51,846 I want you to take this glass into the back. 260 00:10:51,882 --> 00:10:53,349 I want you to break it, 261 00:10:53,434 --> 00:10:56,101 take the biggest shard you can find, and bring it to me. 262 00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:57,803 I'm... 263 00:10:58,072 --> 00:10:59,995 Then I want to slit your gullet. 264 00:11:00,358 --> 00:11:02,435 All right, I'm just-- I'll get you another water-- 265 00:11:02,473 --> 00:11:05,811 I'm going to slit your throat and watch you bleed out, 266 00:11:05,896 --> 00:11:07,687 and I'm going to shower in your blood. 267 00:11:07,729 --> 00:11:09,898 All right, I'll... I'll get another water. 268 00:11:10,034 --> 00:11:12,484 Well, that would be great. Thank you. 269 00:11:12,570 --> 00:11:14,903 But as I was saying, like, 270 00:11:15,039 --> 00:11:17,278 I just feel like it's like do unto others. 271 00:11:17,371 --> 00:11:19,625 Megan! 272 00:11:19,744 --> 00:11:22,077 It was your lipstick on the glass. 273 00:11:22,213 --> 00:11:25,080 (dramatic music) 274 00:11:25,166 --> 00:11:26,956 What the hell is that? What are you doing? 275 00:11:28,085 --> 00:11:29,885 Wait. Wait, no, no, no, no. 276 00:11:29,971 --> 00:11:33,088 Oh, man. 277 00:11:33,224 --> 00:11:35,007 Let me just tell you, 278 00:11:35,375 --> 00:11:38,310 no one's ever talked to me like that in my life. 279 00:11:38,348 --> 00:11:40,145 I'm just saying that your lipstick-- 280 00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:42,931 You have his back? 281 00:11:43,067 --> 00:11:44,183 Who does that? 282 00:11:44,268 --> 00:11:46,352 It was your lipstick on the glass. 283 00:11:46,437 --> 00:11:49,822 He's just a waiter. 284 00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:51,607 You know what? Take his side. 285 00:11:51,633 --> 00:11:52,932 - I'm not-- - And I hope you have 286 00:11:52,977 --> 00:11:55,694 a very happy life together. 287 00:11:55,780 --> 00:11:57,363 Megan. 288 00:11:57,448 --> 00:11:59,281 What's going on right now? 289 00:11:59,367 --> 00:12:00,385 What are you...? 290 00:12:00,418 --> 00:12:03,285 (dramatic music) 291 00:12:03,421 --> 00:12:07,411 292 00:12:08,175 --> 00:12:09,625 - Seriously, Megan-- - No! 293 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:10,793 No. 294 00:12:10,878 --> 00:12:12,845 Megan! You left your jacket! 295 00:12:12,963 --> 00:12:16,432 - Hey, you left your jacket! - Hey. Hey, hey. 296 00:12:16,517 --> 00:12:17,883 Don't do it. 297 00:12:17,965 --> 00:12:20,850 Man, I just hurt her feelings, and then she left her jacket. 298 00:12:20,850 --> 00:12:22,794 The least I could do is give her back her jacket. 299 00:12:22,818 --> 00:12:23,972 Don't do it. Don't do it. 300 00:12:24,018 --> 00:12:26,010 - She [bleep] needs this jacket. - She does not need it. 301 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,856 It's 87 degrees out. You know she doesn't need it. 302 00:12:27,919 --> 00:12:30,562 In your heart of hearts you know she doesn't need that jacket. 303 00:12:30,648 --> 00:12:31,897 Don't do it. 304 00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:35,530 I think she's going to need her jacket. 305 00:12:35,530 --> 00:12:36,817 No, she's not going to need it. She's not gonna need it. 306 00:12:36,821 --> 00:12:38,704 Megan, you left your jacket, though! 307 00:12:38,823 --> 00:12:42,207 308 00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:43,575 Seemed like a nice guy. 309 00:12:51,012 --> 00:12:52,527 If you were a villain, 310 00:12:53,245 --> 00:12:56,163 like, what would you do to make your villain memorable? 311 00:12:56,248 --> 00:12:58,498 I would be called The Puppeteer. 312 00:12:58,584 --> 00:13:00,579 - Of course you would. - I'd be a super villain. 313 00:13:00,703 --> 00:13:02,333 You could be my number-one henchman. 314 00:13:02,401 --> 00:13:04,705 Yeah, can I be the Crackin? Just like--I just want-- 315 00:13:04,790 --> 00:13:06,006 because then you could say, 316 00:13:06,091 --> 00:13:08,959 "Come on, y'all, release the Crackin." 317 00:13:08,986 --> 00:13:10,519 And then I would just be like... (makes squeaking noise) 318 00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,096 And I just come out the side door with, like, a hood. 319 00:13:13,252 --> 00:13:15,966 - Release the Crackin, James. - No, I wouldn't do that. 320 00:13:16,051 --> 00:13:17,884 And James would be your-- your butler. 321 00:13:17,943 --> 00:13:19,260 - Nope. I don't... - And he'd be sitting down there 322 00:13:19,305 --> 00:13:20,220 next to you, saying-- 323 00:13:20,306 --> 00:13:21,391 James is not a good... 324 00:13:21,465 --> 00:13:23,357 Okay, Jeeves, you could call him. 325 00:13:23,442 --> 00:13:25,058 "Hey, Jeeves, go down to the cellar 326 00:13:25,194 --> 00:13:26,560 and release the Crackin." 327 00:13:26,695 --> 00:13:29,146 So I'm the mastermind, so I probably should... 328 00:13:29,231 --> 00:13:33,033 just, like, figure out what the words are and what-- 329 00:13:33,118 --> 00:13:36,203 "Well, I'll--I'll be. There's the Crackin." 330 00:13:36,288 --> 00:13:38,622 My supervillain doesn't need input. 331 00:13:41,910 --> 00:13:44,745 (East Indian music) 332 00:13:44,830 --> 00:13:47,581 Okay, there is your hero fusion burger, sir. 333 00:13:47,666 --> 00:13:48,749 Thank you. 334 00:13:48,884 --> 00:13:51,335 And, sir, if you could just wait for one moment. 335 00:13:51,420 --> 00:13:53,453 We are very, very busy today. I'm so sorry. 336 00:13:53,555 --> 00:13:55,756 Another great day of business, Brother Ibrahim. 337 00:13:55,841 --> 00:13:57,090 Oh, my gosh. Are you kidding me? 338 00:13:57,226 --> 00:13:59,092 Look, we are raking in the money. 339 00:13:59,178 --> 00:14:00,510 Praise Allah. I know. 340 00:14:00,596 --> 00:14:02,429 I have just bought a flat screen television. 341 00:14:02,514 --> 00:14:04,398 - Really? - High definition. 342 00:14:04,483 --> 00:14:06,099 We should watch some of the American films on the screen. 343 00:14:06,235 --> 00:14:07,601 Come, come. I have the La-Z-Boy. 344 00:14:07,736 --> 00:14:10,103 - I have the La-Z-Boy sofa. - Oh, my God, we could-- 345 00:14:10,239 --> 00:14:12,656 Salam alaykum. 346 00:14:12,775 --> 00:14:15,776 Brother Ibrahim, Brother Osman. 347 00:14:15,911 --> 00:14:18,528 Wa-alaikum-salaam, Brother Mustafa. 348 00:14:18,614 --> 00:14:20,305 Wa-alaikum-salaam, Brother Mustafa. 349 00:14:20,406 --> 00:14:23,333 What are you doing here in United States? 350 00:14:23,452 --> 00:14:25,752 - A joyous surprise. - Yes, absolutely. 351 00:14:25,838 --> 00:14:28,338 I was just checking on your progress. 352 00:14:28,457 --> 00:14:29,790 Of course. 353 00:14:29,875 --> 00:14:34,044 This is a very good front for your sleeper cell. 354 00:14:34,129 --> 00:14:35,095 (chuckles) 355 00:14:35,180 --> 00:14:37,798 The Americans will never see it coming. 356 00:14:37,883 --> 00:14:40,384 They are totally fooled, Brother Mustafa. 357 00:14:40,469 --> 00:14:42,666 They think that we are just two immigrants 358 00:14:42,773 --> 00:14:45,806 who are in love with the amazing amounts of money 359 00:14:45,891 --> 00:14:47,808 that you can make being entrepreneurs. 360 00:14:47,893 --> 00:14:50,360 I mean, this food truck is, like, just printing money. 361 00:14:50,479 --> 00:14:52,729 It's a little crazy, to be honest with you. 362 00:14:52,815 --> 00:14:54,731 It's like a bottomless pit of money. 363 00:14:54,817 --> 00:14:56,233 You can just reach in, pull it out... 364 00:14:56,318 --> 00:14:59,202 Well, in reality, Brother Ibrahim. 365 00:14:59,321 --> 00:15:01,638 Yes, well, in reality, we-- we-- we want to destroy 366 00:15:01,757 --> 00:15:03,924 as many of the imperialist infidels as possible. 367 00:15:05,060 --> 00:15:06,760 Right. 368 00:15:08,364 --> 00:15:11,415 But what I don't understand is... 369 00:15:11,415 --> 00:15:13,395 you have your target, 370 00:15:13,395 --> 00:15:16,069 you have your explosives. 371 00:15:16,155 --> 00:15:19,940 Why not just put the bomb on the truck 372 00:15:20,025 --> 00:15:22,160 and then drive it straight into the building, 373 00:15:22,228 --> 00:15:25,529 killing as many infidels as you can? 374 00:15:25,614 --> 00:15:27,737 No. So, the thing... 375 00:15:28,950 --> 00:15:29,999 is... 376 00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:31,785 That we are already doing it. 377 00:15:31,870 --> 00:15:33,699 How is that possible? 378 00:15:34,957 --> 00:15:37,340 You see, Brother Mustafa, 379 00:15:37,459 --> 00:15:43,213 these sandwiches are loaded with cholesterol. 380 00:15:43,298 --> 00:15:46,716 Slowly, the infidels, they grow fat, 381 00:15:46,802 --> 00:15:48,435 and their arteries start to clog-- 382 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:50,187 Stop it! 383 00:15:50,305 --> 00:15:54,975 I'm beginning to doubt your dedication to the cause. 384 00:15:55,060 --> 00:15:56,393 - No, no, no, no. - Hey, guy? 385 00:15:56,478 --> 00:15:58,728 Can I just order a fusion burger? I'm in a hurry. 386 00:15:58,814 --> 00:16:01,134 Uh, yes... $9 please. 387 00:16:02,841 --> 00:16:06,626 Our leaders will be very displeased. 388 00:16:06,955 --> 00:16:09,102 Did you say $9 for one? 389 00:16:10,292 --> 00:16:11,541 Uh, yes. Yes. 390 00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:15,712 One dollar extra for crazy, rockin' hummus dip. 391 00:16:15,831 --> 00:16:17,464 How much do they cost to make? 392 00:16:17,549 --> 00:16:21,468 - $1.50. - $1.50. 393 00:16:21,553 --> 00:16:22,836 Pretty good margins. 394 00:16:22,971 --> 00:16:25,472 - Yes. - Yes, yes, yes. 395 00:16:25,557 --> 00:16:27,140 How many do you sell a day? 396 00:16:27,226 --> 00:16:29,392 I don't know, I don't know. Maybe 100? 397 00:16:29,511 --> 00:16:31,511 - 100? - Yes, sometimes two. 398 00:16:31,597 --> 00:16:33,346 On a good day, maybe two. 399 00:16:33,482 --> 00:16:35,815 What? 400 00:16:35,901 --> 00:16:37,517 So 200 is a big day. 401 00:16:38,711 --> 00:16:40,570 But you are ignoring your mission! 402 00:16:40,689 --> 00:16:41,771 (dramatic music) 403 00:16:41,857 --> 00:16:44,407 You will pay the ultimate price! 404 00:16:44,429 --> 00:16:46,346 No, no, no, no. No, Mustafa. 405 00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:48,103 We are still pure. 406 00:16:48,363 --> 00:16:51,248 (suspenseful music) 407 00:16:51,366 --> 00:16:57,370 408 00:16:59,708 --> 00:17:01,124 Okay, that sounds good. 409 00:17:01,210 --> 00:17:04,544 Your order will be right up. That'll be $9, please. 410 00:17:05,631 --> 00:17:07,005 All right, thank you. 411 00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:08,652 My friends! 412 00:17:08,713 --> 00:17:11,267 You must try Mustafa-kebab! 413 00:17:11,386 --> 00:17:13,019 Only $5. 414 00:17:13,105 --> 00:17:16,690 And one rock and roll baba ghanoush, $1 extra. 415 00:17:16,775 --> 00:17:18,141 Come on. 416 00:17:18,227 --> 00:17:19,559 No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 417 00:17:19,645 --> 00:17:21,978 - Your hero fusion burger. - You... 418 00:17:26,034 --> 00:17:27,234 - No, okay. Sorry. - Sorry. 419 00:17:31,127 --> 00:17:32,944 I'll tell you, we still got it, Otis. 420 00:17:33,046 --> 00:17:34,746 Oh, yeah. Yes, we do. 421 00:17:34,831 --> 00:17:36,798 - True that, Walden. - Mm-hmm. 422 00:17:36,917 --> 00:17:38,249 - All right. - We here, ain't we? 423 00:17:38,335 --> 00:17:41,085 Oh, yeah. Hey, we hittin' it in business right now. 424 00:17:41,171 --> 00:17:44,756 (both croak loudly) 425 00:17:44,841 --> 00:17:47,058 (both sigh) 426 00:17:47,143 --> 00:17:49,894 We out here, straight hitting the bricks, as it were. 427 00:17:49,980 --> 00:17:51,364 Hey, hey, I'm gonna tell you right now, 428 00:17:51,398 --> 00:17:53,916 I got a pocket full of nickels, and I'm ready to get loose. 429 00:17:53,934 --> 00:17:55,099 All right! (laughs) 430 00:17:55,235 --> 00:17:56,411 Okay. 431 00:17:56,465 --> 00:17:58,433 Can I, uh... get another round, please? 432 00:17:58,532 --> 00:18:01,105 (hip-hop music playing) 433 00:18:01,241 --> 00:18:02,156 - Here we go. - Oh, yeah. 434 00:18:02,275 --> 00:18:04,609 (both mumbling) 435 00:18:04,744 --> 00:18:06,591 You guys like Drake? 436 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:08,196 - Drink? - A drink? 437 00:18:08,281 --> 00:18:09,664 We got--we got drinks. 438 00:18:09,682 --> 00:18:11,505 - All sorted out on the... - We got 'em, young buck. 439 00:18:11,529 --> 00:18:12,917 drink front there, Tiny Tim. 440 00:18:13,003 --> 00:18:14,085 Drake. 441 00:18:14,170 --> 00:18:16,037 Like Drake, the rapper. He's a musician. 442 00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:17,892 Like, "Started from the bottom, now we here." 443 00:18:17,924 --> 00:18:18,840 Drake. 444 00:18:19,059 --> 00:18:20,625 Drink? You saying "drink." 445 00:18:20,659 --> 00:18:22,010 You know a musician called Drink? 446 00:18:22,128 --> 00:18:23,428 Okay, you know what? Never-- Never mind. 447 00:18:23,593 --> 00:18:25,430 Uh, you guys are awesome. 448 00:18:25,515 --> 00:18:27,348 449 00:18:27,467 --> 00:18:28,349 (both scoff) 450 00:18:28,468 --> 00:18:29,601 - Drink. - Awesome. 451 00:18:29,686 --> 00:18:31,052 He over here talking about Drake. 452 00:18:31,056 --> 00:18:32,791 - "You guys are awesome." - I don't know about no Drake. 453 00:18:32,806 --> 00:18:34,283 I don't know nothing about no Drake. 454 00:18:34,307 --> 00:18:35,690 I'll tell you another thing, 455 00:18:35,809 --> 00:18:37,223 I'm trying to watch my calorie intake. 456 00:18:37,277 --> 00:18:38,478 Ain't worried about no Drink. 457 00:18:38,521 --> 00:18:40,695 Concerned about digesting my steak. 458 00:18:40,814 --> 00:18:42,530 - Talk about Drake. - Talking about Drake. 459 00:18:42,569 --> 00:18:44,438 I'm having a hard enough time staying awake. 460 00:18:44,451 --> 00:18:46,941 I can't be concerning myself with Drake. You know. 461 00:18:46,987 --> 00:18:48,514 Poured orange juice on my corn flakes. 462 00:18:48,538 --> 00:18:49,787 Yeah. 463 00:18:49,793 --> 00:18:51,789 He talking about Drake. Trying to talk about Drake. 464 00:18:51,875 --> 00:18:55,326 I need five breaths to blow out my birthday cake. 465 00:18:55,412 --> 00:18:56,995 I ain't concerned about no Drake. 466 00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:58,212 - Drake. - You want to be 467 00:18:58,231 --> 00:19:00,294 concerned about Drake, that's on your time, brother. 468 00:19:00,333 --> 00:19:02,884 Shoot, man. Lost my teeth in a lake. 469 00:19:03,003 --> 00:19:04,836 I'm over here like a 1930s cartoon 470 00:19:04,971 --> 00:19:06,588 hitting my head when I step on a rake. 471 00:19:06,673 --> 00:19:07,589 (mimics slap) Whoo! 472 00:19:07,674 --> 00:19:09,173 (mimics birds flying) 473 00:19:09,309 --> 00:19:10,642 I don't know no Drake. 474 00:19:10,727 --> 00:19:13,344 Over here talking about Drake. You concerned about Drake. 475 00:19:13,370 --> 00:19:14,956 I'm gonna tell you what I'm concerned about. 476 00:19:15,015 --> 00:19:17,243 Making it to the john without making a bathroom mistake. 477 00:19:17,267 --> 00:19:18,516 My left eyeball is a fake. 478 00:19:18,602 --> 00:19:20,351 Sperm, my testicles do not make. 479 00:19:20,389 --> 00:19:21,815 I woke up this morning and my booty hole ache. 480 00:19:21,888 --> 00:19:23,771 - Drake. Drake. - Drake. Drake. 481 00:19:23,857 --> 00:19:25,275 I ain't give a [bleep] about no Drake. 482 00:19:25,312 --> 00:19:26,524 You know all about Drake. 483 00:19:26,660 --> 00:19:28,359 (speaking gibberish) Drake. 484 00:19:28,445 --> 00:19:32,363 Drake. 485 00:19:32,449 --> 00:19:33,414 (scoffs) 486 00:19:33,533 --> 00:19:35,166 Oh, hey, now. Look at them. 487 00:19:35,251 --> 00:19:37,452 Look at these two old-timers over here. 488 00:19:37,537 --> 00:19:39,203 (both chuckling) 489 00:19:39,339 --> 00:19:41,289 Now, take it easy on them, Walden. 490 00:19:41,374 --> 00:19:42,874 (both laughing) 491 00:19:42,959 --> 00:19:43,925 I will, Otis. I will, brother. 492 00:19:44,044 --> 00:19:44,926 I will. 493 00:19:45,045 --> 00:19:46,260 (both chuckling) 494 00:19:46,379 --> 00:19:48,528 Hey! Hello, gentlemen. 495 00:19:49,215 --> 00:19:50,715 Y'all like Drake? 496 00:19:50,850 --> 00:19:52,050 Drake? 497 00:19:52,703 --> 00:19:53,718 Hell, yes. 498 00:19:53,853 --> 00:19:55,520 "Started from the bottom, 499 00:19:55,605 --> 00:19:57,522 "now the whole team [bleep] here." 500 00:19:57,607 --> 00:20:00,191 Y'all like Tyler, the Creator? 501 00:20:00,276 --> 00:20:02,443 502 00:20:04,948 --> 00:20:06,898 Do you know what it means when people say, 503 00:20:07,033 --> 00:20:10,201 "Man, I got my shirt all fleek right now?" 504 00:20:10,286 --> 00:20:11,235 Fleek? 505 00:20:11,371 --> 00:20:13,071 (scoffs) (laughs) 506 00:20:13,156 --> 00:20:14,337 You ain't heard about that? On fleek? 507 00:20:14,342 --> 00:20:15,208 That's not real. 508 00:20:15,208 --> 00:20:16,791 On fleek, man. 509 00:20:16,910 --> 00:20:18,076 What? 510 00:20:18,161 --> 00:20:20,745 It means just looking to upset fresh. 511 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:22,080 - I like that. - Mm-hmm. 512 00:20:22,215 --> 00:20:23,831 I like that. I'm going to start saying it. 513 00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:25,133 I don't care how stupid I look. 514 00:20:25,135 --> 00:20:27,552 What about "jump in full dingle?" 515 00:20:27,637 --> 00:20:28,553 That's not real. 516 00:20:28,638 --> 00:20:29,921 That's a thing. Full dingle. 517 00:20:30,006 --> 00:20:32,724 Trust me, if we go-- if we go dance somewhere 518 00:20:32,809 --> 00:20:34,195 and you jump in talking about, 519 00:20:34,220 --> 00:20:36,094 "I'm gonna jump in this party full dingle," 520 00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,220 and you just tell everybody, you will be the coolest person. 521 00:20:38,220 --> 00:20:40,148 Jordan, is that real? 522 00:20:40,486 --> 00:20:42,767 "On fleek" is real, though. "On fleek" is real. 523 00:20:42,852 --> 00:20:44,769 So dingle's not real? It's not real! 524 00:20:44,854 --> 00:20:46,020 (laughter) 525 00:20:46,106 --> 00:20:47,554 Full dingle is not real! 526 00:20:47,635 --> 00:20:49,635 It is now, though. 527 00:20:49,696 --> 00:20:50,799 (laughter) 528 00:20:50,799 --> 00:20:52,993 'cause that's a groundbreaking show up in this bitch. 529 00:20:53,054 --> 00:20:53,912 (laughs) 530 00:20:53,912 --> 00:20:56,015 I'm gonna do my one line here 531 00:20:56,015 --> 00:20:57,893 Oh, yeah! 532 00:20:57,943 --> 00:21:02,493 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37143