All language subtitles for Key And Peele s04e03 Georgina and Esther and Satan.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian Download
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil) Download
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian Download
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,999 --> 00:00:01,998 Excuse me, sir. 2 00:00:01,999 --> 00:00:03,422 Do you have a moment to save the children? 3 00:00:03,444 --> 00:00:04,998 I'm sorry, man. I'm-- I'm running late, 4 00:00:05,048 --> 00:00:06,714 and I just don't have time to chat right now, so... 5 00:00:06,716 --> 00:00:07,873 I understand that. I understand that. 6 00:00:07,873 --> 00:00:09,476 It's just that, every minute, another child 7 00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:11,383 dies unnecessarily, a child who could live 8 00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,566 a fruitful life with the help of just one small donation. 9 00:00:13,690 --> 00:00:15,227 Yeah, I'm-- I don't have the time. 10 00:00:15,293 --> 00:00:16,477 - I'm sorry. - I understand that. 11 00:00:16,539 --> 00:00:20,284 It's just, all it takes is $1 to save a child. 12 00:00:21,385 --> 00:00:23,384 All right. You know what? 13 00:00:23,659 --> 00:00:24,851 Fine, you're right. Yup. 14 00:00:24,896 --> 00:00:26,648 Who doesn't want to help a child? 15 00:00:26,674 --> 00:00:27,775 Let's save five children. 16 00:00:27,849 --> 00:00:29,349 Tommy! 17 00:00:39,999 --> 00:00:40,998 All right, come on, come on, come on. 18 00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:43,998 One, two, three, four, five. 19 00:00:43,999 --> 00:00:47,998 Not so fast. Just five. 20 00:00:47,999 --> 00:00:48,998 - Thanks a lot, sir. - Help! 21 00:00:48,999 --> 00:00:51,998 Help! Help! 22 00:00:51,999 --> 00:00:55,998 (indistinct shouting) 23 00:00:55,999 --> 00:00:57,998 Oh, my God. I have another dollar. 24 00:00:57,999 --> 00:00:59,998 I have another dollar. Sir, I have another dollar. 25 00:00:59,999 --> 00:01:02,998 (haunting Western music) 26 00:01:02,999 --> 00:01:05,478 27 00:01:21,713 --> 00:01:25,456 Sync & corrections by dwigt addic7ed.com 28 00:01:26,699 --> 00:01:28,698 Like one time, I was in church, 29 00:01:28,699 --> 00:01:31,494 and I was talking to an elderly friend 30 00:01:31,511 --> 00:01:32,698 of my mother's at the time, 31 00:01:32,699 --> 00:01:36,153 very classy lady, very decorous. 32 00:01:36,274 --> 00:01:37,544 - And-- - "Decorous"? 33 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,698 Decorous. It means proper, 34 00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:40,993 a person who does everything proper. 35 00:01:41,054 --> 00:01:41,782 Mm-hmm. I know. 36 00:01:41,783 --> 00:01:43,032 And, um... 37 00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:45,537 I was talking, 38 00:01:46,204 --> 00:01:49,776 and in the middle of a sentence, unbeknownst to me, 39 00:01:50,016 --> 00:01:51,584 I dropped an f-bomb. 40 00:01:52,426 --> 00:01:54,101 In church. In church, 41 00:01:54,187 --> 00:01:55,969 after church, before social period, 42 00:01:55,987 --> 00:01:58,698 we about to go get some coffee and donuts up in this boinks. 43 00:01:58,699 --> 00:01:59,698 I'm talking to my girl. 44 00:01:59,699 --> 00:02:01,150 - What'd you say? - She shall remain name-- 45 00:02:01,165 --> 00:02:02,438 I don't remember. I don't remember. 46 00:02:02,457 --> 00:02:03,886 - I just remember talking about-- - You're just like, 47 00:02:03,938 --> 00:02:05,937 "I'm gonna get some fucking-- fucking communion." 48 00:02:06,023 --> 00:02:07,237 And that's-- (laughs) 49 00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:19,529 (sighs) 50 00:02:21,204 --> 00:02:22,762 Happy Sunday, Esther. 51 00:02:22,841 --> 00:02:25,026 Happy Sunday, Georgina. 52 00:02:25,706 --> 00:02:26,705 How was your week? 53 00:02:26,758 --> 00:02:29,294 - Oh, the Lord is with me. - Mm-hmm. 54 00:02:29,310 --> 00:02:30,421 But the Devil, 55 00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:33,549 he got his hands on my grandniece Grace. 56 00:02:33,606 --> 00:02:35,165 - Oh, no. - Mm-hmm. 57 00:02:35,276 --> 00:02:38,790 Out there smoking the reefer, doing the hanky-panky with boys. 58 00:02:38,843 --> 00:02:40,103 No, Georgina. 59 00:02:40,119 --> 00:02:41,605 Oh, Esther, you know 60 00:02:42,015 --> 00:02:45,605 that I love all things that are good and holy. 61 00:02:45,606 --> 00:02:48,605 - Mm-hmm. - But if he doesn't let go 62 00:02:48,606 --> 00:02:51,605 of my grandniece Grace, 63 00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:54,011 I'm gonna cut the Devil's dick off 64 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,605 and shove it in his ass. 65 00:02:55,606 --> 00:02:57,605 Mm-hmm. 66 00:02:57,606 --> 00:03:00,605 - With my prayers. - I know you will, Georgina. 67 00:03:00,606 --> 00:03:02,452 I know you will. 68 00:03:03,342 --> 00:03:04,569 How was your week, girl? 69 00:03:04,593 --> 00:03:06,353 Oh, you know me. 70 00:03:06,384 --> 00:03:08,605 I'm blessed and thankful for everything. 71 00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:10,327 Mm-hmm. All right. 72 00:03:10,382 --> 00:03:14,062 But you know my grandson Jason got hisself wrapped up 73 00:03:14,145 --> 00:03:16,423 in the leathery claws of Satan. 74 00:03:16,606 --> 00:03:19,382 - Not Jason. - He got hisself arrested 75 00:03:19,395 --> 00:03:21,434 for the spray-painting and the vandalism. 76 00:03:21,461 --> 00:03:22,460 Oh, Lord. 77 00:03:22,606 --> 00:03:25,605 And I tell you, I never 78 00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:27,605 raise my hand in anger, 79 00:03:27,606 --> 00:03:31,605 but if he don't let Jason go, 80 00:03:31,606 --> 00:03:35,605 I'm gonna punch that nigga Satan in the nuts so hard, 81 00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:38,879 it wipe the dick-licking smirk off his horned-ass face. 82 00:03:38,894 --> 00:03:39,893 Mm-hmm. 83 00:03:40,606 --> 00:03:41,990 - With my prayers. - Amen. 84 00:03:42,027 --> 00:03:44,605 I know you will, Esther, I know you will, 85 00:03:44,606 --> 00:03:46,977 but Esther, I gotta tell you something else, now. 86 00:03:47,003 --> 00:03:48,117 Mmm, let it out. 87 00:03:48,210 --> 00:03:49,209 You know, Esther, 88 00:03:49,447 --> 00:03:52,935 that I have found serenity in the glory of Heaven. 89 00:03:53,069 --> 00:03:53,980 Yes. 90 00:03:54,092 --> 00:03:56,596 But my daughter's husband Bernard 91 00:03:56,601 --> 00:03:58,377 has got himself wedged 92 00:03:58,435 --> 00:04:01,277 between the cleft hooves of Lucifer hisself. 93 00:04:01,290 --> 00:04:02,564 - Mmm. - She opened up 94 00:04:02,606 --> 00:04:04,605 his laptop computer 95 00:04:04,606 --> 00:04:06,352 and found the pornography of women. 96 00:04:06,383 --> 00:04:07,605 Not the pornography of women. 97 00:04:07,606 --> 00:04:09,366 Absolutely the pornography of women. 98 00:04:09,385 --> 00:04:10,605 Not on the laptop computer. 99 00:04:10,606 --> 00:04:12,605 On the laptop computer found the pornography of women. 100 00:04:12,606 --> 00:04:13,605 Mmm. 101 00:04:13,606 --> 00:04:16,605 I am a pacifist under God's request, 102 00:04:16,606 --> 00:04:18,605 but if he don't let go of Bernard, 103 00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:22,605 I'm gonna sneak up on that bitch-ass Lucifer 104 00:04:22,606 --> 00:04:24,605 right in the midst of his sleep time. 105 00:04:24,606 --> 00:04:26,605 - Oh. - And then I'm gonna sit 106 00:04:26,606 --> 00:04:28,605 on that motherfucker's head, 107 00:04:28,606 --> 00:04:31,605 and I'm gonna spread my booty cheeks on that pig's face, 108 00:04:31,606 --> 00:04:33,605 and I'm gonna just pucker up my stank hole... 109 00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:34,605 Whoo. 110 00:04:34,606 --> 00:04:36,605 And just toops, toops, toops, 111 00:04:36,606 --> 00:04:38,605 scoops, bedoop-scoop-scoop-skedoops 112 00:04:38,606 --> 00:04:41,605 until that nigga got a brown dot on his nose 113 00:04:41,606 --> 00:04:43,605 that I can use for target practice. 114 00:04:43,606 --> 00:04:44,605 Sha-plow! 115 00:04:44,606 --> 00:04:45,605 - Shoot that. - Sha-plow! 116 00:04:45,606 --> 00:04:46,605 - Shoot that! - Sha-plow! 117 00:04:46,606 --> 00:04:49,605 - Whoo, shoot that nigga in the shit-nack. 118 00:04:49,606 --> 00:04:50,605 With my prayers. 119 00:04:50,606 --> 00:04:52,856 With your prayers, of course, of course. 120 00:04:52,935 --> 00:04:55,605 Oh, Georgina, Georgina, Georgina. 121 00:04:55,606 --> 00:04:56,605 Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup? 122 00:04:56,606 --> 00:05:00,473 Oh, I got nothing but faith in God and Heaven above, 123 00:05:00,606 --> 00:05:03,605 but I tell you, my son's wife Crystal, 124 00:05:03,606 --> 00:05:06,326 she got herself wrapped up in the fiery wings 125 00:05:06,326 --> 00:05:07,605 of Mephistopheles hisself. 126 00:05:07,606 --> 00:05:09,605 Here we go. 127 00:05:09,606 --> 00:05:12,840 You know, she got caught using profanity with her own children. 128 00:05:13,251 --> 00:05:14,913 - What? - At the dinner table. 129 00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:17,605 Oh, Lord, child, child. 130 00:05:17,606 --> 00:05:20,605 Georgina Darlene Martin! 131 00:05:20,606 --> 00:05:26,605 Oh, I have nothing but love for every creature on this planet, 132 00:05:26,606 --> 00:05:29,605 but if he don't let my darling Crystal go, 133 00:05:29,606 --> 00:05:32,089 - I'm gonna flirt with the devil. - Oh. Oh. 134 00:05:32,230 --> 00:05:33,936 Show him a little bit of shoulder. 135 00:05:34,085 --> 00:05:35,209 "How you doin'?" 136 00:05:35,290 --> 00:05:37,289 He gonna start looking away, I'm gonna start twerking. 137 00:05:37,606 --> 00:05:39,605 Start twerking, he gonna be like, "Whoo." 138 00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:40,605 He gonna be, he gonna be drawn in. 139 00:05:40,606 --> 00:05:41,605 Mm-hmm. 140 00:05:41,606 --> 00:05:43,605 Seduce that little motherfucker. 141 00:05:43,606 --> 00:05:44,853 Give him one of these. "Hi." 142 00:05:44,895 --> 00:05:46,605 Batting my eyelashes at him. 143 00:05:46,606 --> 00:05:48,605 Then when he least expects it, 144 00:05:48,606 --> 00:05:52,605 and I got his trust, that's when I'm gonna ride that nigga. 145 00:05:52,606 --> 00:05:54,605 I'm gonna give him the night of his life, 146 00:05:54,606 --> 00:05:56,127 a night he ain't never gonna forget. 147 00:05:56,166 --> 00:05:57,605 - Go get him. - I'm gonna give him this way. 148 00:05:57,606 --> 00:05:59,037 I'm gonna give him that way. 149 00:05:59,053 --> 00:06:01,605 And then, right when he about to climax, 150 00:06:01,606 --> 00:06:04,605 that's when I'm gonna clench up my pussy 151 00:06:04,606 --> 00:06:06,605 on that motherfucker's red dick, 152 00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:09,576 and I'm gonna snap that nigga cock off 153 00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:11,750 with a divine kegel. 154 00:06:11,923 --> 00:06:14,079 Well, you gonna snap that nigga dick off. 155 00:06:14,143 --> 00:06:16,285 - Whoo! - Snap it off! Whoo! 156 00:06:16,315 --> 00:06:17,605 - With my prayers. - With your prayers. 157 00:06:17,606 --> 00:06:18,605 - With your prayers. - With my prayers. 158 00:06:18,606 --> 00:06:19,605 Of course. With the prayers, yeah. 159 00:06:19,606 --> 00:06:21,412 - But that's right, girl. - Yes. 160 00:06:21,451 --> 00:06:22,605 - You go get him, Esther! - Yes! 161 00:06:22,606 --> 00:06:24,100 - Fuck Satan! - Fuck him! 162 00:06:24,156 --> 00:06:26,156 - Fuck him in the-- 163 00:06:31,606 --> 00:06:34,986 Wha-- What's happening, Georgina? 164 00:06:35,027 --> 00:06:36,676 (deep voice) Georgina isn't here anymore. 165 00:06:36,785 --> 00:06:39,605 (maniacal laugh) 166 00:06:39,606 --> 00:06:42,605 It is I, Satan. 167 00:06:42,606 --> 00:06:43,605 Ah! 168 00:06:43,606 --> 00:06:46,605 (blows landing) 169 00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:48,232 (normal voice) Ah! No, Esther! 170 00:06:48,247 --> 00:06:49,489 - I'm in here, though! - Oh! 171 00:06:49,516 --> 00:06:50,605 I'm kicking this nigga's ass. 172 00:06:50,606 --> 00:06:52,605 Yeah! (blows landing) 173 00:06:52,606 --> 00:06:54,605 (deep voice) Oh, help me. Somebody help me. 174 00:06:54,606 --> 00:06:56,073 I ca-- can't get out of this bitch. 175 00:06:56,106 --> 00:06:58,373 Oh, get him, Georgina! Get him! 176 00:06:58,416 --> 00:06:59,605 (normal voice) I stuck a safety pin 177 00:06:59,606 --> 00:07:00,605 in this nigga's urethra. 178 00:07:00,606 --> 00:07:02,605 - Ooh! - (deep voice) Oww! 179 00:07:02,606 --> 00:07:04,605 Fuck! That hurts! 180 00:07:04,606 --> 00:07:05,867 (normal voice) Right now I got his dick 181 00:07:05,901 --> 00:07:07,605 in my hands like a old rag. 182 00:07:07,606 --> 00:07:10,605 I'm wringing out! I'm wringing it out! 183 00:07:10,606 --> 00:07:12,605 Oh, give me some of that. 184 00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:14,605 I want a piece of him, yes. 185 00:07:14,606 --> 00:07:17,605 Tag me in. 186 00:07:17,606 --> 00:07:20,605 (groans) 187 00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,605 (gasps) 188 00:07:22,606 --> 00:07:24,605 (deep voice) Who is this crazy bitch, now? 189 00:07:24,606 --> 00:07:26,255 (normal voice) Ah, it's me, motherfucker! 190 00:07:26,275 --> 00:07:28,605 Your worst nightmare, bitch! (laughs) 191 00:07:28,606 --> 00:07:29,605 - Shoot that motherfucker! - That's right. 192 00:07:29,606 --> 00:07:31,605 I'm on top of you. I'm on top of him. 193 00:07:31,606 --> 00:07:32,746 (deep voice) What's going on? 194 00:07:32,772 --> 00:07:34,824 This feels good. Why would you do this to me? 195 00:07:34,861 --> 00:07:36,204 (normal voice) Oh, you'll see in a second, 196 00:07:36,217 --> 00:07:37,605 - motherfucker. - Just wait, motherfucker. 197 00:07:37,606 --> 00:07:39,605 (deep voice) Oh, I'm waiting, but oh, here I cum. 198 00:07:39,606 --> 00:07:40,605 Here I cum. 199 00:07:40,606 --> 00:07:41,605 (normal voice) Here you go, ha! 200 00:07:41,606 --> 00:07:43,605 Grabbed it! Snap! 201 00:07:43,606 --> 00:07:46,605 - Ooh! - Ooh, I got him good. 202 00:07:46,606 --> 00:07:47,605 (deep voice) I'll do anything you say. 203 00:07:47,606 --> 00:07:48,605 I'll do anything you say. 204 00:07:48,606 --> 00:07:50,605 Too late now. Too late now, Satan. 205 00:07:50,606 --> 00:07:51,605 Oh, shh. We should probably go. 206 00:07:51,606 --> 00:07:53,605 (normal voice) Oh, yeah, let's go, let's go. 207 00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:54,605 We don't want to disturb the service. 208 00:07:54,606 --> 00:07:55,605 Ooh, I got a hold of him. 209 00:07:55,606 --> 00:07:57,605 I'm gonna-- We gonna go medieval on his ass. 210 00:07:57,606 --> 00:08:00,605 (deep voice) No, no! Oh, lordy! I can't take it. 211 00:08:00,606 --> 00:08:01,605 I can't take it. 212 00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:02,836 (normal voice) Get over here, mister. 213 00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:04,315 (deep voice) Please, please! 214 00:08:04,316 --> 00:08:07,605 Get these crazy bitches off of me. 215 00:08:07,606 --> 00:08:10,565 Jesus Christ is my personal Lord and savior, I swear. 216 00:08:10,566 --> 00:08:11,606 You're too late for that now. 217 00:08:20,322 --> 00:08:24,321 "Been trying to reach out to you all day. 218 00:08:24,322 --> 00:08:25,942 Are we on for tonight?" 219 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:29,279 (sighs) Jeez. 220 00:08:29,306 --> 00:08:30,892 What? You can't catch me. 221 00:08:30,923 --> 00:08:31,922 You can't catch me. 222 00:08:32,103 --> 00:08:33,607 I'm Lance Moore. Touchdown, bitch. 223 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:34,809 What? Pause. 224 00:08:37,962 --> 00:08:38,772 (phone chimes) 225 00:08:43,322 --> 00:08:44,492 Oh, shoot. 226 00:08:44,743 --> 00:08:46,651 Keegan's been texting me. 227 00:08:48,434 --> 00:08:51,433 "Sorry, dude, missed your texts. 228 00:08:51,602 --> 00:08:53,803 "I assumed we'd meet at the bar. 229 00:08:54,306 --> 00:08:56,710 "Whatever. I don't care." 230 00:08:58,434 --> 00:08:59,919 (phone chimes) 231 00:09:03,922 --> 00:09:05,921 "Sorry, dude, missed your texts. 232 00:09:05,922 --> 00:09:07,921 "I assumed we'd meet at the bar. 233 00:09:08,252 --> 00:09:10,187 "Whatever. I don't care." 234 00:09:11,263 --> 00:09:13,111 "Whatever. I don't care"? 235 00:09:14,629 --> 00:09:16,552 What the fuck is his problem? 236 00:09:17,883 --> 00:09:20,882 "Do you even want to hang out?" 237 00:09:20,922 --> 00:09:22,921 "Do you even want to hang out?" 238 00:09:22,922 --> 00:09:24,291 Oh, that's considerate. 239 00:09:26,395 --> 00:09:28,394 "Like I said, whatever." 240 00:09:28,395 --> 00:09:30,394 "Like I said, whatever"? 241 00:09:30,464 --> 00:09:31,826 Fuck this guy. 242 00:09:32,668 --> 00:09:33,667 Jesus, "You..." 243 00:09:33,717 --> 00:09:35,716 "...are fucking priceless." 244 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,393 Aww. "You're the..." 245 00:09:39,434 --> 00:09:41,526 "...one who's fucking priceless"? 246 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,316 This m-- 247 00:09:44,220 --> 00:09:46,219 This motherfucker right here. 248 00:09:46,922 --> 00:09:48,835 Oh, he wants to-- okay, mm-hmm. 249 00:09:49,181 --> 00:09:51,180 Mm-hmm. Okay. 250 00:09:51,922 --> 00:09:52,921 "You want to go..." 251 00:09:52,922 --> 00:09:53,921 "right now?" 252 00:09:53,922 --> 00:09:54,857 Hmm. 253 00:09:55,922 --> 00:09:57,375 Guess I could do that. 254 00:09:57,566 --> 00:09:58,565 (clears throat) 255 00:09:58,922 --> 00:09:59,921 "Okay..." 256 00:09:59,922 --> 00:10:01,297 "Okay, let's go"? 257 00:10:01,297 --> 00:10:03,913 He said oka-- "Okay, let's go"? 258 00:10:03,913 --> 00:10:05,546 All right, you know what? 259 00:10:05,592 --> 00:10:07,170 You know what? "You want to really..." 260 00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:10,399 "...do this now?" Keegan, you nut. 261 00:10:10,922 --> 00:10:12,921 You're not putting me out. 262 00:10:12,922 --> 00:10:14,921 "Fuck yeah, let's do it"? 263 00:10:14,922 --> 00:10:16,384 Oh, you fucking asshole! 264 00:10:16,463 --> 00:10:17,921 "First round's mine." 265 00:10:17,922 --> 00:10:18,921 Oh, no! Oh, no! 266 00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,921 There ain't gonna be no rounds, asshole! 267 00:10:20,922 --> 00:10:22,921 It's gonna be a fucking street fight! 268 00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:23,890 This son of a-- 269 00:10:24,060 --> 00:10:26,921 'cause tonight we gonna party and the party don't stop 270 00:10:26,922 --> 00:10:27,921 You! 271 00:10:27,922 --> 00:10:28,921 Buddy! 272 00:10:28,922 --> 00:10:31,194 Like I said, first round's mine. 273 00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:34,227 A beer and a gimlet for my partner right-- 274 00:10:35,922 --> 00:10:37,921 What's that? 275 00:10:37,922 --> 00:10:40,922 Uh, I-I got you a baseball bat with nails in it. 276 00:10:43,538 --> 00:10:45,921 For my post-apocalyptic Jackie Robinson costume. 277 00:10:45,922 --> 00:10:47,417 How did you know? 278 00:10:49,897 --> 00:10:51,430 I'm gonna try to freestyle for a second. 279 00:10:51,463 --> 00:10:52,096 Yup, yup. 280 00:10:52,266 --> 00:10:53,265 Off the top of the dome. 281 00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:54,818 Off the top of the dome. Break it down. 282 00:10:54,978 --> 00:10:55,927 (beatboxing) 283 00:10:56,188 --> 00:10:58,521 Witness violence every day 284 00:10:58,522 --> 00:11:00,605 Wake up in the morning 285 00:11:00,606 --> 00:11:03,521 Bullets flying by my head 286 00:11:03,522 --> 00:11:05,521 Without any warning 287 00:11:05,753 --> 00:11:09,682 I live in the pressure cooker the most urbanest of jungles 288 00:11:12,522 --> 00:11:14,504 Mr. Bungle 289 00:11:15,522 --> 00:11:17,521 I can't really get Mr. Bungle. 290 00:11:17,522 --> 00:11:19,338 - Let's just stop. - You want to stop? 291 00:11:19,356 --> 00:11:20,231 (clears throat) 292 00:11:20,267 --> 00:11:22,267 I shouldn't be saying Mr. Bungle in that. 293 00:11:25,522 --> 00:11:28,521 (Hip-hop music) 294 00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:36,522 295 00:11:39,522 --> 00:11:42,521 It's Friday night. Make some noise! 296 00:11:42,522 --> 00:11:43,521 (crowd cheers) 297 00:11:43,522 --> 00:11:45,521 Aw, yeah! 298 00:11:45,522 --> 00:11:48,521 Put your motherfucking hands in the air. 299 00:11:48,522 --> 00:11:51,521 Aw, yeah! Put 'em up. 300 00:11:51,522 --> 00:11:54,521 If you cool like a pimp, put your hands up. 301 00:11:54,522 --> 00:11:57,521 If you cool like a pimp, put your hands up. 302 00:11:57,876 --> 00:12:01,202 'cause you're an actual pimp, put your hands up. 303 00:12:01,371 --> 00:12:04,521 If you own a bunch of women, put your hands up. 304 00:12:04,522 --> 00:12:10,521 305 00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:14,077 If you gonna hit it all night, put your hands up. 306 00:12:14,165 --> 00:12:16,682 If you gonna hit it all night, put your hands up. 307 00:12:16,735 --> 00:12:17,734 Yeah, all right. 308 00:12:17,816 --> 00:12:20,799 If you maintain an erection for 12 hours, 309 00:12:20,928 --> 00:12:22,521 put your hands up. 310 00:12:22,522 --> 00:12:24,521 Whoo! 311 00:12:24,545 --> 00:12:27,114 Without the benefit of Viagra, 312 00:12:27,244 --> 00:12:29,521 put your hands up. 313 00:12:29,522 --> 00:12:33,521 314 00:12:33,522 --> 00:12:36,521 If you a real-life player, put your hands up. 315 00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:37,521 What? Yeah. 316 00:12:37,522 --> 00:12:40,736 If you abuse women's trust, put your hands up. 317 00:12:40,799 --> 00:12:43,968 If you treat them like objects, put your hands up. 318 00:12:44,522 --> 00:12:50,521 319 00:12:50,522 --> 00:12:53,521 If you a real-life gangster, put your hands up. 320 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:56,964 If you a real-life gangster, put your hands up. 321 00:12:57,262 --> 00:13:00,521 If you kill other people, put your hands up. 322 00:13:00,522 --> 00:13:03,521 323 00:13:03,522 --> 00:13:06,978 If you the biggest boss here, put your hands up. 324 00:13:07,522 --> 00:13:09,521 325 00:13:10,024 --> 00:13:13,801 If you run an actual drug ring, put your hands up. 326 00:13:13,851 --> 00:13:16,521 (crowd groans) 327 00:13:16,995 --> 00:13:19,833 If you just realized that you're full of shit, 328 00:13:19,922 --> 00:13:21,521 put your hands up. 329 00:13:21,522 --> 00:13:22,522 (crowd cheers) 330 00:13:27,356 --> 00:13:28,355 All right. 331 00:13:28,356 --> 00:13:29,565 Third time's the charm. 332 00:13:29,566 --> 00:13:33,355 - (beatboxing) - (clears throat) 333 00:13:33,356 --> 00:13:37,188 All of my life, I've crushed dreams and crushed bitches 334 00:13:38,356 --> 00:13:42,778 No one ever has come to me without leaving in stitches 335 00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,741 I'm a monster 336 00:13:45,938 --> 00:13:47,937 I grant wishes 337 00:13:48,356 --> 00:13:51,570 Like a genie, I dream of Jeannie 338 00:13:51,659 --> 00:13:53,658 I'm a meanie 339 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:54,946 Why does it always just go-- 340 00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:56,355 I don't know. You keep getting-- 341 00:13:56,356 --> 00:13:57,561 You-- you're doing really well, 342 00:13:57,584 --> 00:13:59,057 and then you get in this TV reference. 343 00:13:59,063 --> 00:14:00,355 Yeah, that's what's doing me. 344 00:14:00,356 --> 00:14:01,356 And it's-- it's the tough part. 345 00:14:08,146 --> 00:14:09,603 Welcome to Papard Mattress Liquidators. 346 00:14:09,634 --> 00:14:11,355 How can I help you today? 347 00:14:11,356 --> 00:14:13,355 I need to buy a new bed. 348 00:14:13,356 --> 00:14:14,355 Okay. Yeah, good, good. 349 00:14:14,368 --> 00:14:16,051 You came to the right place. I'll be more than happy 350 00:14:16,139 --> 00:14:17,174 to help you with that. Uh... 351 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,634 What size you need? A full, queen, king? 352 00:14:19,652 --> 00:14:21,355 - Queen. - Queen, oh. 353 00:14:21,356 --> 00:14:23,687 - We got a big sel-- - And just so you know, 354 00:14:24,204 --> 00:14:25,355 it needs to be sturdy. 355 00:14:25,356 --> 00:14:26,355 All right. 356 00:14:26,356 --> 00:14:29,355 Shit gets kind of crazy in my room. 357 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,986 Oh, okay. (laughs) 358 00:14:32,025 --> 00:14:34,024 I got you, brother. (laughs) 359 00:14:34,060 --> 00:14:35,060 I got you. 360 00:14:38,589 --> 00:14:41,781 Well, this posturepedic mattress we got right here, 361 00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:43,355 this is extremely comfortable 362 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,460 and, uh... durable. 363 00:14:46,356 --> 00:14:47,711 Do you mind if I try it? 364 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,356 No, not at all. Go ahead. 365 00:14:53,356 --> 00:14:57,355 I should also mention, there's 100% money-back guarantee on-- 366 00:14:57,356 --> 00:14:58,355 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 367 00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:00,355 Who got that good "D"? 368 00:15:00,356 --> 00:15:01,355 I got that good "D"! 369 00:15:01,356 --> 00:15:02,730 Yeah! Yeah! 370 00:15:04,781 --> 00:15:06,780 No, it's too hard. 371 00:15:07,077 --> 00:15:09,153 Do you have anything softer? 372 00:15:10,356 --> 00:15:12,355 Um... 373 00:15:12,356 --> 00:15:14,356 Of course. 374 00:15:16,356 --> 00:15:20,743 This-- This is one of our, um, natural latex mattresses. 375 00:15:21,356 --> 00:15:25,725 It's on sale, too, today, at $1,200. 376 00:15:25,833 --> 00:15:27,721 Can I try it? 377 00:15:28,310 --> 00:15:30,310 Sure. 378 00:15:33,356 --> 00:15:34,775 Who got that good "D"? 379 00:15:34,865 --> 00:15:36,355 I got that good "D"! 380 00:15:36,356 --> 00:15:37,355 (grunting) 381 00:15:37,356 --> 00:15:39,788 Who got that good "D"? I got that good "D"! 382 00:15:39,847 --> 00:15:41,355 (grunts) 383 00:15:41,356 --> 00:15:43,084 It seems a little pricey. 384 00:15:43,113 --> 00:15:44,601 Okay. No, it's a little pricey. 385 00:15:44,635 --> 00:15:45,808 I ain't gonna lie to you. 386 00:15:45,879 --> 00:15:48,329 But, uh, no problem. We got other choices. 387 00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:50,815 Um... 388 00:15:51,129 --> 00:15:53,567 This a great memory foam mattress, right here. 389 00:15:53,764 --> 00:15:55,763 It's a little cheaper, and-- 390 00:15:55,851 --> 00:15:57,850 Can I try it out? 391 00:15:58,356 --> 00:16:00,355 Right. Right, yeah. 392 00:16:00,356 --> 00:16:02,355 I mean, of course, of course you want to try. 393 00:16:02,356 --> 00:16:04,355 You know how it goes. 394 00:16:04,356 --> 00:16:05,355 Yeah. Oh, yeah. 395 00:16:05,356 --> 00:16:06,620 Coming up on them late nights. 396 00:16:06,670 --> 00:16:09,355 Aye! Aye! Boom, boom, boom, boom! 397 00:16:09,356 --> 00:16:12,355 "Yes! Si, papi! Si, papi! Si, papi!" 398 00:16:12,356 --> 00:16:15,355 Yeah, man, right. (laughs) 399 00:16:15,356 --> 00:16:17,355 Yeah, man. Um... 400 00:16:17,356 --> 00:16:18,648 Sex happens. 401 00:16:18,649 --> 00:16:20,412 Yip! 402 00:16:21,977 --> 00:16:23,355 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 403 00:16:23,356 --> 00:16:25,355 Who got that good "D"? I got that good "D"! 404 00:16:25,356 --> 00:16:26,355 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 405 00:16:26,356 --> 00:16:27,355 Who got that good "D"? 406 00:16:27,356 --> 00:16:28,355 I got that good "D"! 407 00:16:28,356 --> 00:16:30,355 Oh! Oh, here it comes! 408 00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:34,355 Here it comes! Here it comes! 409 00:16:34,356 --> 00:16:37,355 Hoo-ah! 410 00:16:37,356 --> 00:16:38,687 Yup, that's the one. 411 00:16:38,781 --> 00:16:41,578 - I'll take it. - Okay, let me ring you up. 412 00:16:42,795 --> 00:16:45,355 - (grunting) - Aye! Aye! Aye! 413 00:16:45,356 --> 00:16:47,355 Who got that good "D"? I got that good "D"! 414 00:16:47,356 --> 00:16:48,355 - (grunting) - Aye, papi! 415 00:16:48,356 --> 00:16:50,355 Who got that good "D"? I got that good "D"! 416 00:16:50,356 --> 00:16:51,355 (glass breaks) - Si, papi! 417 00:16:51,356 --> 00:16:53,355 - (grunting) - Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! 418 00:16:53,356 --> 00:16:56,356 Who got that good "D"? I got that good "D"! 419 00:16:59,608 --> 00:17:01,608 Thank you. 420 00:17:06,922 --> 00:17:07,921 - Mike. - Brody. 421 00:17:07,922 --> 00:17:09,406 Yeah. Hey, how are you, man? 422 00:17:09,427 --> 00:17:10,632 - What's up, man? - Good to see you. 423 00:17:10,652 --> 00:17:11,921 Hey, I'm glad I ran into you. 424 00:17:11,922 --> 00:17:14,678 What is that joke that you told recently at the office? 425 00:17:14,722 --> 00:17:16,921 Everybody is just, like, giggling about it all the time, 426 00:17:16,922 --> 00:17:17,921 and I haven't heard it yet. 427 00:17:17,922 --> 00:17:18,921 Oh, gosh. 428 00:17:18,922 --> 00:17:19,921 Okay. Um... 429 00:17:19,922 --> 00:17:21,921 - All right, it goes like this. - Yeah. 430 00:17:21,922 --> 00:17:23,163 So, there's this woman, and-- 431 00:17:23,182 --> 00:17:25,091 (laughs) 432 00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:29,921 - Okay. - (chuckles) I'm sorry! 433 00:17:29,922 --> 00:17:30,921 Good audience. 434 00:17:30,922 --> 00:17:32,921 Yeah, I'm sorry. I love it already. 435 00:17:32,922 --> 00:17:34,921 I love it already. (laughing) 436 00:17:35,278 --> 00:17:36,488 Awesome. Okay. 437 00:17:36,543 --> 00:17:38,921 Well, this should go well. Um... 438 00:17:39,248 --> 00:17:43,265 So there's-- there's a woman, and she goes to her doctor. 439 00:17:43,317 --> 00:17:46,921 She goes to her doctor! It's already funny. 440 00:17:46,922 --> 00:17:48,610 (laughing) It's already funny. 441 00:17:48,649 --> 00:17:50,921 No, I haven't even gotten to the setup yet. 442 00:17:50,922 --> 00:17:53,628 (laughing) 443 00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:56,697 So, she goes to her doctor, and she, um... 444 00:17:56,733 --> 00:17:58,871 She says to her doctor, "Kiss me." 445 00:17:58,922 --> 00:17:59,921 (laughs hysterically) 446 00:18:00,215 --> 00:18:01,921 No, that's not it. 447 00:18:01,922 --> 00:18:04,921 That's not it. That-- That's not the punch line. 448 00:18:04,922 --> 00:18:06,921 (laughing) 449 00:18:06,922 --> 00:18:08,921 You got to stop already. 450 00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,191 You're killing me over here. 451 00:18:10,212 --> 00:18:11,417 Oh, you-- 452 00:18:11,453 --> 00:18:13,873 I don't know if you think the joke is over, but it's not. 453 00:18:13,922 --> 00:18:15,191 It's actually just starting. 454 00:18:15,232 --> 00:18:18,921 (laughing hysterically) 455 00:18:18,922 --> 00:18:20,202 Okay. So I'm gonna-- 456 00:18:20,270 --> 00:18:21,588 I'm just gonna speed up. 457 00:18:21,617 --> 00:18:23,616 So she says to her doctor, "Kiss me," 458 00:18:23,633 --> 00:18:25,921 and he says, "I can't. It would be unprofessional." 459 00:18:25,922 --> 00:18:27,921 - (laughing) - No. No, not even close. 460 00:18:27,922 --> 00:18:31,921 She says-- he says, "That would be unprofessional," 461 00:18:31,922 --> 00:18:34,219 and then she says, she keeps asking him, 462 00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:35,921 and he says, "No, no, no." 463 00:18:35,922 --> 00:18:37,921 Happens three times like that. 464 00:18:38,249 --> 00:18:40,463 Finally, at the end, she says, 465 00:18:40,922 --> 00:18:42,921 "Kiss me," and he says, 466 00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:46,019 "I shouldn't even be having sex with you right now." 467 00:18:49,922 --> 00:18:51,470 Then what happens? 468 00:18:54,348 --> 00:18:56,347 (stammers) I don't--I don't know. 469 00:18:56,473 --> 00:18:58,921 Then, I guess she-- she probably sued him 470 00:18:58,922 --> 00:18:59,921 for malpractice? 471 00:18:59,922 --> 00:19:01,732 (laughs) 472 00:19:02,922 --> 00:19:06,921 Sued him for malpractice. 473 00:19:06,922 --> 00:19:08,921 (hysterical gibberish) 474 00:19:09,201 --> 00:19:11,554 So you know that wasn't-- that wasn't the punch line? 475 00:19:11,922 --> 00:19:13,559 That wasn't the punch line? 476 00:19:13,583 --> 00:19:14,921 - No. The punch-- - There's more? 477 00:19:14,922 --> 00:19:16,921 - (laughing) - No, there's not. 478 00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:17,921 There's not more. 479 00:19:17,922 --> 00:19:19,921 There's more to the joke? 480 00:19:19,922 --> 00:19:21,960 No, there-- there's actually less. 481 00:19:22,696 --> 00:19:25,930 Well, that's it! You turned it around! 482 00:19:26,784 --> 00:19:28,921 - No, there's-- - You turned it around! 483 00:19:28,922 --> 00:19:30,921 - The joke-- - He said less! 484 00:19:30,922 --> 00:19:32,921 - The joke was-- - There can't be less. 485 00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:35,799 The punch line was the only part that you didn't laugh at. 486 00:19:41,511 --> 00:19:44,921 (laughs) What the fuck? 487 00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:45,921 - You got me! - You got me. 488 00:19:45,922 --> 00:19:48,921 You were doing a joke the whole time! 489 00:19:48,922 --> 00:19:51,477 You were doing a weird character the whole time. 490 00:19:51,525 --> 00:19:53,463 Oh, my God, yes. Yes. 491 00:19:53,542 --> 00:19:55,921 I love the malpractice stuff. 492 00:19:55,921 --> 00:19:59,200 The malpractice punch line is hilarious. 493 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,918 So you weren't doing a character? 494 00:20:00,922 --> 00:20:03,292 - What charact-- What character? - Okay. 495 00:20:03,319 --> 00:20:05,133 This is some crazy shit. 496 00:20:07,733 --> 00:20:09,258 Hey, yo, did you ever hear my theory 497 00:20:09,273 --> 00:20:10,686 about flying, though? 498 00:20:10,749 --> 00:20:11,921 Mm-mm. 499 00:20:11,922 --> 00:20:15,624 The reason you have to jerk off before you fly-- 500 00:20:15,922 --> 00:20:17,343 Who does? What? 501 00:20:18,528 --> 00:20:21,921 Everybody jerks off before they fly. 502 00:20:21,922 --> 00:20:23,921 I think you need to look up the word "everybody." 503 00:20:23,922 --> 00:20:24,921 Well, look. Okay. 504 00:20:25,567 --> 00:20:27,921 Maybe... 505 00:20:28,321 --> 00:20:29,765 you're an exception to the rule, 506 00:20:29,805 --> 00:20:32,450 but I'm fairly certain that everybody else 507 00:20:33,183 --> 00:20:36,182 gets massive boners or whatever and jerks off-- 508 00:20:36,203 --> 00:20:37,921 I'm sorry. Gets massive boners 509 00:20:37,922 --> 00:20:39,061 - before they get on the plane? - Yeah. 510 00:20:39,061 --> 00:20:40,529 I think there's a physiological reason. 511 00:20:40,565 --> 00:20:42,238 You're about to fly. You might die. 512 00:20:42,273 --> 00:20:43,921 Your body knows you might die. 513 00:20:43,922 --> 00:20:45,921 It's like going off to war. 514 00:20:45,922 --> 00:20:47,921 You need to get that sperm out. 515 00:20:48,253 --> 00:20:49,678 Propagate the species. 516 00:20:49,696 --> 00:20:51,152 Just like right before this trip. 517 00:20:54,391 --> 00:20:56,459 I'm gonna do my one line here 518 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:57,922 Oh, yeah. 519 00:21:00,731 --> 00:21:03,730 Comfort of the fiery wingses... 520 00:21:03,731 --> 00:21:06,730 Sss-Mephistopheles. 521 00:21:06,731 --> 00:21:09,976 (crew laughter) 522 00:21:09,976 --> 00:21:11,976 Sync & corrections by dwigt addic7ed.com 523 00:21:12,026 --> 00:21:16,576 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 36512

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.