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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,935 --> 00:00:02,931 - I want to know what's going on with the huge woman, 2 00:00:03,015 --> 00:00:03,955 and I want to know what the deal is 3 00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:06,048 with the red witch lady. - Yes. 4 00:00:06,132 --> 00:00:08,226 Yes. Yes. 5 00:00:08,310 --> 00:00:09,860 - You know what I'm saying? - [Laughing] Ripped By mstoll 6 00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:11,195 - Just... straight out. 7 00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:12,796 - No, but I mean, like, have you? 8 00:00:12,879 --> 00:00:15,017 Have you... have you ever slept with a black guy? 9 00:00:15,101 --> 00:00:17,801 - No, but I really want to. 10 00:00:17,884 --> 00:00:19,537 [Laughs] - Me too! 11 00:00:19,916 --> 00:00:21,876 Apparently, it is, like, 12 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:25,423 a whole other thing than sleeping with white men. 13 00:00:25,507 --> 00:00:26,392 - Oh, no, no. 14 00:00:26,476 --> 00:00:27,527 I heard they're supposed to be, like, 15 00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,363 way better at it or something. 16 00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:31,609 - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard that too. 17 00:00:32,220 --> 00:00:33,538 I wonder if it's 'cause they have, 18 00:00:33,683 --> 00:00:35,936 like... like, better rhythm, you know? 19 00:00:36,019 --> 00:00:37,978 - Right, 'cause they're really good dancers. 20 00:00:38,062 --> 00:00:42,218 - I mean, apparently, they have, like, bigger... 21 00:00:42,664 --> 00:00:45,278 - Oh, way bigger penises, right? [Laughs] 22 00:00:45,361 --> 00:00:46,257 - Yeah. 23 00:00:46,341 --> 00:00:48,415 I guess that's because of Africa? 24 00:00:48,498 --> 00:00:50,281 - Yeah, like, I feel like they're just... 25 00:00:50,365 --> 00:00:52,352 they're, like, really with you in the moment. 26 00:00:52,435 --> 00:00:53,887 - Hmm. - Like, if they're gonna 27 00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:55,522 be with you, they're in the here and now. 28 00:00:55,605 --> 00:00:57,924 - Exactly. Exactly. 29 00:00:58,007 --> 00:01:01,548 Because they know that they basically have no future. 30 00:01:01,632 --> 00:01:02,562 - [Laughs] I know. 31 00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:03,697 - Think about it. - It's so sad. 32 00:01:03,780 --> 00:01:06,203 - Think about it! [Laughs] 33 00:01:06,601 --> 00:01:08,845 - I do feel like they treat their women with just, like, 34 00:01:08,929 --> 00:01:11,371 a little bit more compassion, though. 35 00:01:11,454 --> 00:01:12,806 - Yeah, like, respect and stuff. 36 00:01:12,890 --> 00:01:16,543 Oh, because their dads were never around! 37 00:01:16,626 --> 00:01:20,744 - Oh, right, and they also have a lot of time on their hands 38 00:01:20,828 --> 00:01:23,509 'cause even if they have kids, they never go visit them. 39 00:01:23,593 --> 00:01:25,585 - Oh, please. Totally. Baby daddy? 40 00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:26,882 That's a thing. - Oh. 41 00:01:26,966 --> 00:01:29,955 That's in the dictionary now because of black people. 42 00:01:30,039 --> 00:01:32,658 - See? Ser-i-ou-sly. 43 00:01:32,742 --> 00:01:37,533 Apparently, black guys just know how to please white women. 44 00:01:37,617 --> 00:01:39,681 Right? Just, like, way more than white men. 45 00:01:39,765 --> 00:01:42,569 - Oh, well, it's probably in their blood 46 00:01:42,652 --> 00:01:44,681 'cause they're used to pleasing their white masters. 47 00:01:44,765 --> 00:01:45,839 - Whaaat? 48 00:01:45,922 --> 00:01:47,140 - Okay. Okay. - Yeah! 49 00:01:47,224 --> 00:01:48,809 Law of the jungle, right? - [Laughs] Totally. 50 00:01:48,892 --> 00:01:50,577 - I am so desperate to find out for myself. 51 00:01:50,660 --> 00:01:52,746 [Laughter] - Me too. 52 00:01:52,829 --> 00:01:54,015 - Right? 53 00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:58,351 - Okay, um, I'm gonna go to the bathroom... 54 00:01:58,434 --> 00:01:59,753 - Okay. 55 00:01:59,836 --> 00:02:00,968 - And I swear to you, 56 00:02:01,052 --> 00:02:03,422 if there is a black guy back there, I'm gonna blow him. 57 00:02:03,506 --> 00:02:06,203 [Laughter] - Get it! 58 00:02:11,081 --> 00:02:14,468 - So, unrelated, I now have to go to the bathroom, 59 00:02:14,684 --> 00:02:17,437 uh, because I've been drinking coffee all day. 60 00:02:17,765 --> 00:02:20,040 So I will be back in a little while. 61 00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:21,775 - Well, you know what? Let... let me go first. 62 00:02:21,858 --> 00:02:23,296 I'll be about 30 seconds. 63 00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:32,390 - Ooh, ow. I hit my penis there. 64 00:02:32,968 --> 00:02:34,654 - I'm sorry. I don't have any money, sir. 65 00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:36,093 - Okay. 66 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:39,826 [Soul music] 67 00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:42,295 68 00:02:42,378 --> 00:02:44,765 [heart monitor beeping, flatlines] 69 00:02:44,849 --> 00:02:51,796 70 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,661 Resync BluRay by LeRalouf 71 00:02:56,600 --> 00:03:02,548 [cheers and applause] 72 00:03:02,632 --> 00:03:04,224 - Hey! 73 00:03:07,837 --> 00:03:10,157 Thank you so much. I am Keegan-Michael Key. 74 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,758 - I'm Jordan Peele. - And we are Key and Peele. 75 00:03:11,841 --> 00:03:12,856 - Yes. 76 00:03:12,940 --> 00:03:14,360 - Thank you for coming out tonight. 77 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:15,595 Thank you. 78 00:03:15,678 --> 00:03:17,764 - So this is a little-known fact. 79 00:03:17,896 --> 00:03:20,700 Keegan's wife is a dialect coach. 80 00:03:20,783 --> 00:03:22,335 - Yes, it's a source of ambivalence for me 81 00:03:22,418 --> 00:03:23,737 because I want her to have her job 82 00:03:23,821 --> 00:03:25,076 and I want her to thrive, 83 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:26,067 but there's just a bunch of British people 84 00:03:26,151 --> 00:03:27,028 just coming through my house, 85 00:03:27,112 --> 00:03:29,310 learning American accents and taking all our jobs. 86 00:03:29,802 --> 00:03:31,211 So I'm just standing in the living room, 87 00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,345 and these dudes are walking about like, "Cheerio." 88 00:03:32,428 --> 00:03:33,380 "Yeah, fuck you." 89 00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:36,146 Tea bag. - Right. 90 00:03:36,699 --> 00:03:38,185 But all right, I want to... I'm gonna throw you 91 00:03:38,268 --> 00:03:40,632 through a little bit of a wheel of accents. 92 00:03:40,716 --> 00:03:42,038 Just give you a little test. - The wheel of accents. 93 00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:44,224 [Mimics wheel spinning] - Italian! 94 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,692 - [Italian accent] Oh, Italian. 95 00:03:45,775 --> 00:03:47,394 It's the... is-a one for me to do. 96 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:48,810 - Yeah, yeah. German! 97 00:03:48,894 --> 00:03:50,903 - [German accent] The German is very exact. 98 00:03:52,348 --> 00:03:54,134 - Cockney. - Cockney's, like, down here, 99 00:03:54,217 --> 00:03:55,468 and it's with the back of your "froat." 100 00:03:55,551 --> 00:03:56,872 Yeah. You know what I mean? 101 00:03:56,956 --> 00:03:58,637 - You guys must have some crazy role-play sex. 102 00:03:58,721 --> 00:03:59,974 - We do. Yeah. 103 00:04:01,357 --> 00:04:02,776 - Just give me an Australian. 104 00:04:02,859 --> 00:04:04,144 - [Australian accent] All right, I can do it. 105 00:04:04,227 --> 00:04:05,513 - [Laughs] Yes, yes. 106 00:04:05,597 --> 00:04:07,216 - [Jamaican accent] I can do Jamaican as well. 107 00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:08,466 - Oh, that's even better! That's even better! 108 00:04:08,550 --> 00:04:10,502 - I can be a Jamaican. Okay. 109 00:04:10,701 --> 00:04:12,084 - [Humming indistinctly] - Where do you want me from? 110 00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:13,420 Oh, there it is. 111 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:14,788 Where do you want me to be from? 112 00:04:14,871 --> 00:04:16,656 - Oh, anywhere but you. - Okay. 113 00:04:16,739 --> 00:04:19,224 - Just anywhere... [laughter] 114 00:04:19,308 --> 00:04:22,162 Can... can you do two black guys at a time? 115 00:04:22,245 --> 00:04:23,496 Can you just give me two? 116 00:04:23,579 --> 00:04:25,513 [Laughter] 117 00:04:26,894 --> 00:04:28,849 - You sold me out, son. 118 00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:32,156 Now you gonna end up with a bullet in your head for it. 119 00:04:32,388 --> 00:04:35,575 - You can't play me, motherfucker. 120 00:04:35,658 --> 00:04:38,945 I'm the motherfucker that plays motherfuckers, 121 00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:40,755 motherfucker. 122 00:04:41,564 --> 00:04:44,117 - Cut. [Bell rings] 123 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:45,028 [Clears throat] 124 00:04:45,112 --> 00:04:46,349 All right, everybody, let's get reset. 125 00:04:46,433 --> 00:04:47,489 We are going again. 126 00:04:48,738 --> 00:04:50,190 Nigel, that's great. 127 00:04:50,273 --> 00:04:51,625 - [British accent] Oh, grea... it's smashing. 128 00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:53,159 Thank you so much. Yeah, t... 129 00:04:53,242 --> 00:04:55,695 well, it's been an absolute honor and... 130 00:04:55,778 --> 00:04:57,764 and what a great opportunity to be here 131 00:04:57,847 --> 00:04:59,411 and be able to play an American tough. 132 00:04:59,495 --> 00:05:00,913 - Well, I'm just so glad 133 00:05:00,997 --> 00:05:02,501 that we got you out of that BBC commitment 134 00:05:02,585 --> 00:05:03,603 so you could play with us, so... 135 00:05:03,686 --> 00:05:05,305 - Cheers, mate. Cheers, cheers. 136 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:06,575 - Antoine, listen. 137 00:05:06,659 --> 00:05:08,278 I'm just not buying that you're someone 138 00:05:08,362 --> 00:05:10,200 that was born and raised on the streets of Brooklyn. 139 00:05:12,052 --> 00:05:14,547 - That's weird, 'cause, uh, I actually was born and raised 140 00:05:14,630 --> 00:05:16,116 on the streets of Brooklyn. 141 00:05:16,199 --> 00:05:17,550 - [Mouthing] Oh. 142 00:05:17,633 --> 00:05:18,852 [Clears throat] - Oh. 143 00:05:18,935 --> 00:05:20,553 - I was in a gang and everything. 144 00:05:20,636 --> 00:05:22,810 Most of this stuff actually happened to me. 145 00:05:22,993 --> 00:05:25,124 - Wow. Okay. Well, that's... that's... 146 00:05:25,208 --> 00:05:27,694 that's great for us, 'cause I want you to use it. 147 00:05:28,013 --> 00:05:28,724 Okay? 148 00:05:28,808 --> 00:05:30,208 It's a good first take. Let's just, uh... 149 00:05:30,292 --> 00:05:31,372 - Mm-hmm. - Let's get going it. 150 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:32,271 Let's get... let's get going. 151 00:05:32,355 --> 00:05:34,199 - Thank you, Jim. [Clears throat] 152 00:05:34,283 --> 00:05:36,974 - Scene five, take two. [Bell rings] 153 00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:42,676 - And action. - You sold me out, son. 154 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:45,716 Now you gonna end up with a bullet in your head for it. 155 00:05:46,828 --> 00:05:50,146 - You can't play me, motherfucker. 156 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:54,120 I'm the motherfucker that plays motherfuckers, 157 00:05:54,204 --> 00:05:56,638 motherfucker. 158 00:05:58,247 --> 00:05:59,192 - [Sighs] 159 00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:00,860 Cut. Cut. [Bell rings] 160 00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:02,762 [Clears throat] Okay. 161 00:06:02,845 --> 00:06:04,335 Uh, Nigel. That was great. 162 00:06:04,419 --> 00:06:05,665 - Oh. - Brilliant. 163 00:06:05,748 --> 00:06:08,535 Just, the way you move, especially when you talk. 164 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,670 I just really see this character coming to life before my eyes. 165 00:06:10,753 --> 00:06:11,871 - Cheers, mate. - It's fabulous. 166 00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:13,253 - Cheers. - It's fabulous. 167 00:06:13,337 --> 00:06:15,389 Antoine, your performance, um, 168 00:06:15,758 --> 00:06:18,678 it's just not quite there yet, okay? 169 00:06:18,761 --> 00:06:20,880 I-I really need to see you 170 00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:23,583 make more of a transformation, okay? 171 00:06:23,666 --> 00:06:25,552 Like... like Nigel, here. 172 00:06:27,177 --> 00:06:29,422 - That dude's British, so... - Yeah. 173 00:06:29,505 --> 00:06:31,624 - Antoine, if I might jump in with a bit of advice? 174 00:06:31,707 --> 00:06:33,593 - I don't think I need that. - No, no, no. 175 00:06:33,676 --> 00:06:34,794 Look. Hear him out. 176 00:06:34,877 --> 00:06:37,464 - Maybe you might want to try 177 00:06:37,547 --> 00:06:39,289 thinking of something in the material 178 00:06:39,373 --> 00:06:40,433 that's similar to something 179 00:06:40,516 --> 00:06:41,634 that's happened in your real life. 180 00:06:41,717 --> 00:06:44,304 - Hmm. - For me, for instance, 181 00:06:44,387 --> 00:06:46,573 I like to think of when me mum wanted me 182 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:49,309 to attend prep school in Leeds to become a barrister, 183 00:06:49,392 --> 00:06:51,398 but I wanted to study the theater at Oxford. 184 00:06:51,482 --> 00:06:52,645 - Thank God. 185 00:06:52,728 --> 00:06:54,476 - And so that was a conundrum, really, for me. 186 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:55,548 - [Laughs] 187 00:06:55,631 --> 00:06:57,083 - I'm gonna stop you right... right there, 188 00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:59,927 'cause this is just confusing me, right? 189 00:07:00,011 --> 00:07:03,423 Like, I don't need that, 'cause I am from the streets. 190 00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,677 I was in a gang. 191 00:07:06,435 --> 00:07:09,596 They told me to kill my cousin. 192 00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:14,000 - That might be a bit spot-on, no? 193 00:07:14,083 --> 00:07:15,635 - Yeah. That's a bit spot-on. 194 00:07:15,718 --> 00:07:17,638 Do you have any stories that involve your mum? 195 00:07:19,935 --> 00:07:21,174 - What's a mum? 196 00:07:22,162 --> 00:07:22,908 - Oh, dear. 197 00:07:22,992 --> 00:07:24,611 - Scene five, take three. [Bell rings] 198 00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:25,888 - Okay. 199 00:07:26,194 --> 00:07:29,181 Antoine, remember. You're a gangster! 200 00:07:29,265 --> 00:07:32,833 Okay? Betrayal, the streets. 201 00:07:33,269 --> 00:07:35,088 Okay? Nigel, you're perfect. 202 00:07:35,171 --> 00:07:37,824 Antoine, transform, and action! 203 00:07:37,907 --> 00:07:40,013 - You sold me out, son. 204 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:44,201 Now you gonna get a bullet up in your head for it. 205 00:07:44,614 --> 00:07:48,052 - You can't play me, motherfucker. 206 00:07:48,136 --> 00:07:51,870 I'm the motherfucker that plays motherfuckers, 207 00:07:51,954 --> 00:07:53,339 motherfucker. 208 00:07:53,422 --> 00:07:55,675 - He's boring to watch. 209 00:07:55,990 --> 00:07:57,509 [Sighs] Cut. 210 00:07:57,593 --> 00:07:58,812 [Bell rings] 211 00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:01,052 - Oh, that does not sound good. 212 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,015 - [Sighs] - Thank you. 213 00:08:03,099 --> 00:08:06,820 - Antoine, I do not feel like you have found 214 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:09,289 the emotional core of this character. 215 00:08:09,372 --> 00:08:10,857 - Man, fuck this! 216 00:08:10,940 --> 00:08:13,560 Nobody is more real than me. Okay? 217 00:08:13,643 --> 00:08:16,396 I come from the streets, and nobody's gonna tell me 218 00:08:16,479 --> 00:08:17,964 what the streets is like... Nobody! 219 00:08:18,047 --> 00:08:19,380 You understand? [Sighs] 220 00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:23,570 - That's a great speech. I just wish that I believed it. 221 00:08:23,653 --> 00:08:25,705 You want to give it a shot? - Sure. I'll have a go. 222 00:08:25,788 --> 00:08:27,412 [Gangster accent] Man, fuck this. 223 00:08:27,496 --> 00:08:29,141 I'm as real as it gets. - Yes. 224 00:08:29,225 --> 00:08:30,910 - This fucking streets is for real. 225 00:08:30,993 --> 00:08:32,412 I'm up in there, man. 226 00:08:32,495 --> 00:08:34,080 - You are. - I'm fucking the... from the... 227 00:08:34,163 --> 00:08:37,050 from the fucking... from the earth from these streets. 228 00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:38,751 - From the eart... - S-something to that effect. 229 00:08:38,834 --> 00:08:40,153 - That is... No, but I am so with... 230 00:08:40,236 --> 00:08:41,754 I am with you when you say that, 231 00:08:41,837 --> 00:08:43,857 even when you're saying the wrong words. 232 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,919 I just wish you could do that! 233 00:08:46,742 --> 00:08:47,927 - You know what? - [Grunts] 234 00:08:48,010 --> 00:08:50,597 [Coughs] - Oh, goodness. 235 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:51,607 - [Coughs] 236 00:08:52,682 --> 00:08:55,735 Okay, that hurts, but I don't feel that it comes 237 00:08:55,818 --> 00:08:58,671 from the right emotional place for the character. 238 00:08:58,754 --> 00:08:59,906 All right? Here. Give it a shot. 239 00:08:59,989 --> 00:09:01,708 Give me... watch. Watch. 240 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:03,710 [Grunts, coughs] 241 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,482 That's... that's great. 242 00:09:05,566 --> 00:09:07,880 I feel that in here... - Thank you. 243 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,415 - And in here, in my heart. 244 00:09:09,498 --> 00:09:10,517 - That's very gracious of you to say that. 245 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:11,618 - Try that again. 246 00:09:11,701 --> 00:09:12,919 [Grunts, coughs] 247 00:09:13,002 --> 00:09:14,921 I just... I don't... [coughs] 248 00:09:15,167 --> 00:09:17,032 I don't believe you. 249 00:09:20,490 --> 00:09:21,931 [Soul music] 250 00:09:22,015 --> 00:09:23,946 - You guys are familiar with vanity videos, right? 251 00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,234 People who, like, spend all of their money... 252 00:09:26,318 --> 00:09:28,084 all of their money... to make a video 253 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,701 in the hopes that someone... I don't know who... 254 00:09:30,853 --> 00:09:32,939 is gonna discover them on the internet and go, 255 00:09:33,022 --> 00:09:34,907 "This guy's got the goods!" - Yeah! 256 00:09:34,990 --> 00:09:36,743 - Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. "I'm gonna make you famous!" 257 00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:37,794 - "You got raw talent," and it's always... 258 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,964 it's always some kind of, like... 259 00:09:40,396 --> 00:09:42,315 some convoluted plot that's like... 260 00:09:42,398 --> 00:09:44,150 - Yeah. - Part one of a ten-part series. 261 00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:45,651 It's never gonna get finished. 262 00:09:45,734 --> 00:09:47,954 - [Laughing] And it's always, like... 263 00:09:48,037 --> 00:09:49,960 it always looks something like Game of Thrones. 264 00:09:50,044 --> 00:09:50,857 - Yes. - Always. 265 00:09:50,941 --> 00:09:52,255 - It's got, like... 266 00:09:52,339 --> 00:09:54,026 - It's just always... - Wizards with orbs. 267 00:09:54,109 --> 00:09:55,027 - Wizards in it and orbs. [Laughs] 268 00:09:55,110 --> 00:09:56,865 - These homemade videos. 269 00:09:57,185 --> 00:09:58,998 It's always like this fantasy, glam, like... 270 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:00,333 - It's just... like, they're weird. 271 00:10:00,416 --> 00:10:02,427 - Steampunk shit. - Yeah. 272 00:10:02,511 --> 00:10:04,430 Do we have any... any steampunks here today? 273 00:10:04,620 --> 00:10:06,365 - Yeah! - Yeah! 274 00:10:06,534 --> 00:10:09,503 - You don't have your, uh, umbrella with you today, sir. 275 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:12,845 - There's not a lot of black steampunks out there. 276 00:10:12,928 --> 00:10:14,004 - No. - Not a lot of... 277 00:10:14,088 --> 00:10:15,982 not a lot of dudes talking about, "Hey, man." 278 00:10:16,065 --> 00:10:16,863 - Yeah. 279 00:10:16,947 --> 00:10:18,441 - "I'm just representing Jules Verne 280 00:10:18,525 --> 00:10:20,686 in the motherfucker." - [Laughing] 281 00:10:23,243 --> 00:10:24,461 [Cha-ching] 282 00:10:25,527 --> 00:10:28,728 [Epic ballad] 283 00:10:28,811 --> 00:10:31,051 - There's a light 284 00:10:31,135 --> 00:10:33,331 And it shines within the darkness 285 00:10:33,415 --> 00:10:36,969 Of the sands of time, the sands of time 286 00:10:37,052 --> 00:10:39,191 There's a fight [cha-ching] 287 00:10:39,275 --> 00:10:42,848 But the battle to be won is with the man inside 288 00:10:42,932 --> 00:10:44,984 The man inside 289 00:10:45,068 --> 00:10:49,047 No valley, no ocean [cha-ching] 290 00:10:49,131 --> 00:10:52,919 Can stop my devotion 291 00:10:53,378 --> 00:10:54,506 [cha-ching] 292 00:10:54,590 --> 00:10:58,423 Nothing will keep me from getting to you 293 00:10:58,507 --> 00:11:01,761 Flying high, to the limit 294 00:11:01,844 --> 00:11:03,262 Never wondering 295 00:11:03,345 --> 00:11:06,432 How I touch the sky, touch the sky 296 00:11:06,515 --> 00:11:09,268 Like a dream [cha-ching] 297 00:11:09,351 --> 00:11:11,037 You can never tell the lies 298 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,372 From what's exactly as it seems 299 00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:15,875 [cha-ching] In the rhythm, I believe 300 00:11:15,958 --> 00:11:19,598 [cha-ching] Is the power of wings 301 00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:22,381 There's a fire [cha-ching] 302 00:11:22,464 --> 00:11:23,801 [Cha-ching] 303 00:11:23,885 --> 00:11:26,719 And it burns the deepest fathoms of the Seven Seas 304 00:11:26,802 --> 00:11:28,521 [cha-ching, cha-ching] The seven seas 305 00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:31,123 True desire [cha-ching] 306 00:11:31,206 --> 00:11:32,892 [Cha-ching] Let the music in your heart 307 00:11:32,975 --> 00:11:35,294 Give way to the things that you believe 308 00:11:35,377 --> 00:11:36,729 Anything you can achieve 309 00:11:36,812 --> 00:11:39,899 Flying high, to the limit 310 00:11:39,982 --> 00:11:41,400 Never wondering 311 00:11:41,483 --> 00:11:44,737 How I kiss the clouds [cha-ching] 312 00:11:44,820 --> 00:11:45,972 Like a dream 313 00:11:46,055 --> 00:11:47,306 [cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching] 314 00:11:47,389 --> 00:11:49,075 You can never tell the lies 315 00:11:49,158 --> 00:11:51,410 From what's exactly as it seems 316 00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:53,813 In the rhythm, I believe 317 00:11:53,896 --> 00:11:59,504 Is the power of wings [cha-ching] 318 00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:03,154 Anything is achievable 319 00:12:03,238 --> 00:12:06,425 Don't let nobody tear you down 320 00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:07,994 Sexually 321 00:12:08,077 --> 00:12:10,763 Just take flight, it's believable 322 00:12:10,846 --> 00:12:16,086 If you first learn to stand your ground 323 00:12:16,552 --> 00:12:19,939 Flying high, to the limit 324 00:12:20,022 --> 00:12:21,007 Never wondering 325 00:12:21,090 --> 00:12:24,266 How I touch the sky 326 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,242 Like a dream 327 00:12:27,326 --> 00:12:29,147 You can never tell the lies 328 00:12:29,231 --> 00:12:33,477 From what's exactly as it seems 329 00:12:34,269 --> 00:12:37,781 Within the rhythms, I believe 330 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:39,852 Is the power 331 00:12:40,275 --> 00:12:41,902 Of wings 332 00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:50,202 - Don't stop pulling. Never stop. 333 00:12:50,285 --> 00:12:51,203 - Keep on pulling. - [Laughs] 334 00:12:51,286 --> 00:12:52,538 Don't stop walking. 335 00:12:52,621 --> 00:12:55,341 Keep on walking. Don't stop walking. 336 00:12:55,424 --> 00:12:57,476 Oh, my God. Jahar, my friend. 337 00:12:57,559 --> 00:12:58,978 - Yes, Rajim? 338 00:12:59,061 --> 00:13:03,240 - We are a long way from h-h-h-home. 339 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,743 [Laughter] 340 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:08,021 - Every American woman is more infidel 341 00:13:08,105 --> 00:13:09,821 than the last, my friend. - You're telling me. 342 00:13:09,905 --> 00:13:11,357 You're telling me, my good friend, yes. 343 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,392 Oh, there's a 9:00. 9:00. Here she comes. 344 00:13:13,475 --> 00:13:15,051 - [Smacks belly] 345 00:13:15,310 --> 00:13:17,997 Mm-blip. - Shabloim! 346 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:19,035 - Okay. - [Laughs] 347 00:13:19,119 --> 00:13:21,000 - Come on. Full-frontal face. 348 00:13:21,083 --> 00:13:24,003 Only in America, baby. - Only, only, only. 349 00:13:24,086 --> 00:13:25,426 - Only in America, huh? - Come on, grab it. 350 00:13:25,510 --> 00:13:26,795 - What did you see? - I want to grab... 351 00:13:26,879 --> 00:13:28,231 - What? - I'm grabbing it. 352 00:13:28,315 --> 00:13:31,114 This is yours, and then that is yours. 353 00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:32,712 What did you see? What did you see? 354 00:13:32,795 --> 00:13:34,080 - I'll tell you what I saw. - What? 355 00:13:34,163 --> 00:13:35,254 - I got to see her forearms. - You got? 356 00:13:35,338 --> 00:13:37,248 - A little bit of the thigh. - Yes. Oh, I saw this. 357 00:13:37,332 --> 00:13:39,018 - And I definitely got some ankle knot. 358 00:13:39,101 --> 00:13:40,653 - You got ankle knot? - Oh, I got ankle knot. 359 00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:43,889 - Oh, the w-w-whole baba ghanoush, huh? 360 00:13:43,972 --> 00:13:45,114 - You're telling me. 361 00:13:45,198 --> 00:13:46,817 It's like we've got the X ray visions. 362 00:13:46,901 --> 00:13:49,094 - We are Superman. We are Superman, huh? 363 00:13:49,178 --> 00:13:50,262 Oh! Shh. Here we go. 364 00:13:50,345 --> 00:13:51,996 Here we go. Here we go. 365 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:53,513 Here we go, yeah. 366 00:13:55,754 --> 00:13:58,104 - H-h-h-holy tabbouleh. 367 00:13:58,187 --> 00:13:59,871 Would you look at the leg elbows on that one? 368 00:13:59,955 --> 00:14:01,907 - Mm-hmm. - Whoo! 369 00:14:01,991 --> 00:14:03,875 - I'll tell you what. Ho, ho, ho! 370 00:14:03,959 --> 00:14:05,051 - Ho, ho, ho! 371 00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:09,447 - What I wouldn't do for six seconds with her. 372 00:14:09,531 --> 00:14:11,450 - Yes, you would! Yes, you would! 373 00:14:11,533 --> 00:14:12,885 [Laughter] What would you do? 374 00:14:12,968 --> 00:14:13,886 - I'm going to show you right now. 375 00:14:13,969 --> 00:14:15,087 - You're gonna show me? 376 00:14:15,170 --> 00:14:16,355 - Spot me! You got to spot me. 377 00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:17,857 - Yes, I am here. I am here. 378 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,291 - Let me tell you what I would do right now. 379 00:14:19,374 --> 00:14:21,394 I would pump her full of iron, you know, 380 00:14:21,477 --> 00:14:23,129 and then I would lift her to the ceiling. 381 00:14:23,212 --> 00:14:24,430 - I'm her. - Lift her to the ceiling. 382 00:14:24,513 --> 00:14:25,765 - I'm her. - Working the body. 383 00:14:25,848 --> 00:14:27,133 Working the body. Working the body. 384 00:14:27,216 --> 00:14:28,332 - Working the body. - Do it the head. 385 00:14:28,416 --> 00:14:30,223 Give it to the head. - Get the head, get the head. 386 00:14:30,307 --> 00:14:31,528 - And you give it to the head. - Ho! Ho! Belly button. 387 00:14:31,612 --> 00:14:33,938 - Belly button. - We got belly button. 388 00:14:34,022 --> 00:14:36,075 Dude, we got belly button. - Oh, my... oh, my God. 389 00:14:36,158 --> 00:14:39,979 - [Gasps] 390 00:14:40,062 --> 00:14:42,462 [Both exhaling] 391 00:14:44,543 --> 00:14:46,085 - That's belly button, my friend. 392 00:14:46,168 --> 00:14:47,720 - I couldn't believe we saw the belly button. 393 00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:49,088 I've never seen the belly button on a woman before. 394 00:14:49,171 --> 00:14:50,457 I thought it was a myth. 395 00:14:50,541 --> 00:14:53,124 - Yes, it's like the butthole of the belly. 396 00:14:53,208 --> 00:14:54,126 - Mm. - Mm. 397 00:14:54,209 --> 00:14:55,785 - Dig this. 398 00:14:55,869 --> 00:14:57,729 Oh, what I wouldn't do for a... Give me the... 399 00:14:57,813 --> 00:14:59,131 - Show me. - Give me the ball. 400 00:14:59,214 --> 00:15:00,800 - Show me, show me. - Give me the ball. 401 00:15:00,883 --> 00:15:02,101 - Show me, show me. - I'm gonna show you right now. 402 00:15:02,184 --> 00:15:03,569 I'm gonna show it to you right now. 403 00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:05,438 - What you do? I'm ready. - I get in here. 404 00:15:05,521 --> 00:15:06,639 - I'm ready. - And then like this and go... 405 00:15:06,722 --> 00:15:08,007 - Ho! Come on, it feel good. 406 00:15:08,090 --> 00:15:09,108 - I get over here and then I get in there. 407 00:15:09,191 --> 00:15:10,276 - Oh, yeah! - Grab the hair. 408 00:15:10,359 --> 00:15:11,477 I get into it. I get into it! 409 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:13,012 - Hold the hair. - Hold the hair. 410 00:15:13,095 --> 00:15:14,613 - Come on, switch. Switch positions. 411 00:15:14,696 --> 00:15:16,281 Let's do it. - I'm gonna grab your hands. 412 00:15:16,365 --> 00:15:18,484 - Lock 'em on. - I will show you the world 413 00:15:18,567 --> 00:15:20,119 Shining, shimmering, splendid 414 00:15:20,202 --> 00:15:21,587 Don't you dare close your eyes 415 00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,155 Yes, princess, yes. 416 00:15:23,238 --> 00:15:26,358 - Ah. Ooh. Infidels. 417 00:15:26,770 --> 00:15:29,128 - Homosexual American devils. 418 00:15:29,211 --> 00:15:30,629 - Give them the whistle of disapproval. 419 00:15:30,712 --> 00:15:32,364 - I will right now. 420 00:15:32,447 --> 00:15:33,966 [Wolf-whistles] 421 00:15:34,049 --> 00:15:35,468 - That is my boy. - That should teach them. 422 00:15:35,551 --> 00:15:37,645 - That is my boy, huh? 423 00:15:38,859 --> 00:15:40,246 [Soul music] 424 00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:41,996 - Pawn shops are an interesting place. 425 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,233 Anybody who's ever... here's ever been to a pawn shop? 426 00:15:44,317 --> 00:15:46,145 [Cheers and applause] 427 00:15:46,228 --> 00:15:51,951 That is a motley crew of... of items. 428 00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:52,819 - Yes. 429 00:15:52,902 --> 00:15:55,030 - I mean, what do I want when I walk into a pawn shop? 430 00:15:55,114 --> 00:15:57,912 I'll take that dartboard, that spittoon, 431 00:15:58,965 --> 00:16:00,493 and that African mask, if you know... 432 00:16:00,576 --> 00:16:02,121 [muttering] 433 00:16:02,205 --> 00:16:04,196 - The, like, saddest ones are also in, like, Vegas 434 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:05,898 'cause you know that's where, like, people are like, 435 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,233 "Hey, man, I'm gonna be right back for this. 436 00:16:08,317 --> 00:16:09,701 Real... I swear to God." - "Okay, yeah." 437 00:16:09,785 --> 00:16:10,937 - "I'll be right back. How much can you give me for it?" 438 00:16:11,020 --> 00:16:12,605 - "$5 for this saxophone." - "All right. 439 00:16:12,688 --> 00:16:14,440 "I'll be back. I'm gonna... I'm gonna... 440 00:16:14,523 --> 00:16:16,108 I'm gonna triple my money real quick, let's do it." 441 00:16:16,191 --> 00:16:17,694 - "Just go over there and they'll give you $5." 442 00:16:17,778 --> 00:16:18,481 - "All right." 443 00:16:18,565 --> 00:16:19,945 - That's, like, the number for everything 444 00:16:20,029 --> 00:16:22,450 is, like... this is an actual samurai sword. 445 00:16:22,534 --> 00:16:23,849 You know. Both: $5. 446 00:16:23,933 --> 00:16:25,121 - $5. 447 00:16:25,333 --> 00:16:28,358 And this is an unexploded atomic bomb. 448 00:16:28,442 --> 00:16:29,355 - [Laughs] Yeah. - $5. 449 00:16:29,438 --> 00:16:30,317 - [Groans] 450 00:16:30,401 --> 00:16:32,764 This is a briefcase with $1,000 in it. 451 00:16:32,848 --> 00:16:33,458 - $5. 452 00:16:33,542 --> 00:16:36,462 - $5? How is that possible? 453 00:16:36,545 --> 00:16:38,035 [Cheers and applause] 454 00:16:41,728 --> 00:16:43,662 [Rapid knocking on door] 455 00:16:45,693 --> 00:16:48,137 [Buzzer] 456 00:16:53,614 --> 00:16:54,981 - Hey, man. How you doing? 457 00:16:55,064 --> 00:16:56,415 You guys got bow and arrows? 458 00:16:56,723 --> 00:16:58,035 - Yeah. 459 00:17:00,002 --> 00:17:01,153 - Oh, yeah. Oh, that's it. 460 00:17:01,236 --> 00:17:02,655 Yeah, there it is. There. 461 00:17:02,885 --> 00:17:03,936 That'll do it. That's gonna do it. 462 00:17:04,020 --> 00:17:04,924 Yup. Where are the arrows at? 463 00:17:05,007 --> 00:17:06,379 [Clears throat] 464 00:17:06,842 --> 00:17:08,427 Yeah. You got... you guys got M-80s? 465 00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:10,263 - We don't carry fireworks. 466 00:17:10,346 --> 00:17:11,631 - Damn! You have, uh... 467 00:17:11,714 --> 00:17:13,099 you have something else that's explosive 468 00:17:13,182 --> 00:17:15,051 that I could tape to the end of an arrow? 469 00:17:16,552 --> 00:17:18,604 - We have shotgun shells, but... - Uh-huh. Ooh. 470 00:17:18,687 --> 00:17:20,072 - I feel I have to ask, 471 00:17:20,155 --> 00:17:21,507 are you planning to attach those to arrows 472 00:17:21,590 --> 00:17:23,142 and use them as a weapon? 473 00:17:23,225 --> 00:17:24,176 - What? No. What? 474 00:17:24,259 --> 00:17:25,444 Are you crazy? [Laughs] 475 00:17:25,527 --> 00:17:26,812 You think that would work though? 476 00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,915 What... what... what if I shot explosive arrows 477 00:17:28,998 --> 00:17:30,683 through a window to break 'em open? 478 00:17:31,246 --> 00:17:32,685 - Sir, I feel like I have to ask you 479 00:17:32,768 --> 00:17:34,854 what you're planning to use these for. 480 00:17:34,937 --> 00:17:36,322 - Oh, no, I'm not planning to do anything. 481 00:17:36,405 --> 00:17:37,623 I'm just... this is just Christmas shopping. 482 00:17:37,706 --> 00:17:38,624 I'm getting a... You got zip lines? 483 00:17:38,707 --> 00:17:39,325 - Nope. 484 00:17:39,409 --> 00:17:41,359 - But you got, like, hooks and anchors and cables? 485 00:17:41,443 --> 00:17:42,995 - We got some of those things, 486 00:17:43,078 --> 00:17:45,825 but I do not recommend manufacturing your own zip line. 487 00:17:45,909 --> 00:17:47,660 - Oh, I'm not doing that. No. 488 00:17:48,250 --> 00:17:49,502 Let's say somebody was manufacturing 489 00:17:49,585 --> 00:17:51,137 their own zip line. - Mm-hmm. 490 00:17:51,220 --> 00:17:52,622 - You think if they had busted some windows open 491 00:17:52,706 --> 00:17:53,725 on a building somehow, 492 00:17:53,809 --> 00:17:56,108 then fired the zip line off a bow and arrow, 493 00:17:56,191 --> 00:17:58,010 and it attached to the wall of said building, 494 00:17:58,093 --> 00:18:00,746 that they could just ride the zip line into the building? 495 00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:02,405 - I have no idea. 496 00:18:02,489 --> 00:18:04,576 Sir, whatever you are planning on doing, 497 00:18:04,660 --> 00:18:05,851 please don't do it. 498 00:18:05,934 --> 00:18:07,219 - I'm not... I'm not... I'm not doing anything. 499 00:18:07,302 --> 00:18:08,554 I'm just doing some Christmas shopping, 500 00:18:08,637 --> 00:18:09,855 trying to get it out of the way. 501 00:18:09,938 --> 00:18:11,290 You know, bow and arrows for my nephew. 502 00:18:11,373 --> 00:18:13,626 The zip line's for my... grandmother. 503 00:18:13,942 --> 00:18:15,461 Et cetera and whatnot. You know what I'm saying there? 504 00:18:15,544 --> 00:18:16,963 It's nothing. No big deal. 505 00:18:17,046 --> 00:18:18,497 Speaking of other things, do you guys have 506 00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:22,340 just the, uh, top half of a knight in armor? 507 00:18:23,239 --> 00:18:25,053 - First of all, it's called a suit of armor. 508 00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:26,505 - Oh, yup, that's it. That's right. 509 00:18:26,588 --> 00:18:28,514 That's what I meant to say. - We have one but it's sold... 510 00:18:28,598 --> 00:18:29,675 - Oh! - As a complete set. 511 00:18:29,758 --> 00:18:30,723 - Yup. Yup. - Yup. 512 00:18:30,807 --> 00:18:32,378 - Yeah, but the person it's for, 513 00:18:32,461 --> 00:18:33,379 they only need the... they don't need the... 514 00:18:33,463 --> 00:18:34,145 they just need the top half. 515 00:18:34,229 --> 00:18:35,129 They don't need the legs. - Mm-hmm. 516 00:18:35,213 --> 00:18:37,253 - Well, what if somebody was shooting at you and... 517 00:18:37,337 --> 00:18:39,484 what are the chances you think they'd try to shoot your legs? 518 00:18:39,568 --> 00:18:41,354 - I feel like I have to tell you 519 00:18:41,437 --> 00:18:44,668 that a suit of armor will not deflect bullets. 520 00:18:45,871 --> 00:18:48,227 - I'll take my chances... with Christmas. 521 00:18:49,012 --> 00:18:50,889 Which brings me, uh, to my next question. 522 00:18:50,973 --> 00:18:52,865 Do you guys have roller skates? 523 00:18:53,075 --> 00:18:54,983 - I think we have a pair around. - Uh-huh. 524 00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:56,369 Let me ask you a question. 525 00:18:56,452 --> 00:18:57,603 How fast do you think you'd have to be going on roller skates 526 00:18:57,686 --> 00:18:59,438 to get past a couple of armed guards 527 00:18:59,521 --> 00:19:01,895 and still be going fast enough to smash through a safe door? 528 00:19:01,979 --> 00:19:03,801 - One of those big bank safes? - No! 529 00:19:04,489 --> 00:19:05,611 I don... I don't know. Yeah. 530 00:19:05,856 --> 00:19:08,403 Yeah? Uh... 531 00:19:08,712 --> 00:19:10,397 Hey, you guys got one of those, you know, just one 532 00:19:10,481 --> 00:19:13,014 of those big bags with a dollar sign on the side of it? 533 00:19:13,098 --> 00:19:14,020 - Okay. 534 00:19:14,103 --> 00:19:15,981 - [Coughs] Yeah? 535 00:19:16,065 --> 00:19:18,256 - You're gonna shoot arrows with shotgun shells attached to 'em 536 00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:20,389 to a bank window to blow out the glass. 537 00:19:20,473 --> 00:19:22,772 Then you're gonna shoot a zip line through that window 538 00:19:22,856 --> 00:19:24,772 and you're gonna slide on into the hallway. 539 00:19:24,856 --> 00:19:26,298 You're gonna be wearing roller skates 540 00:19:26,381 --> 00:19:28,694 so you can just skate on past the armed guards, 541 00:19:28,778 --> 00:19:30,772 who will be shooting at you, and you're gonna hope 542 00:19:30,856 --> 00:19:32,389 that they both won't hit your legs, 543 00:19:32,473 --> 00:19:34,639 and, if they are aiming at your torso, 544 00:19:34,723 --> 00:19:36,941 the suit of medieval armor will deflect the bullets. 545 00:19:37,025 --> 00:19:39,020 Then you're gonna hope to gather enough speed 546 00:19:39,104 --> 00:19:40,645 to burst through the big bank vault 547 00:19:40,729 --> 00:19:42,020 at the end of the hallway 548 00:19:42,104 --> 00:19:43,184 where you're gonna collect the money 549 00:19:43,268 --> 00:19:45,770 in a cartoon money bag. 550 00:19:48,637 --> 00:19:49,481 - Well, no. 551 00:19:49,565 --> 00:19:51,559 I'm just an uncle who's buying some shit for Christmas 552 00:19:51,643 --> 00:19:52,857 and I, uh, think I'll take my business elsewhere. 553 00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:53,859 Merry Christmas. 554 00:19:54,137 --> 00:19:55,785 - It's April. 555 00:19:57,943 --> 00:19:59,695 [Soul music] 556 00:20:00,291 --> 00:20:04,203 [Dramatic music] 557 00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:05,799 - Welcome to Metta World News. 558 00:20:05,883 --> 00:20:09,770 Our top story, a professional athlete should never post online 559 00:20:09,903 --> 00:20:12,223 looking for people to live-action role play 560 00:20:12,307 --> 00:20:13,659 Hunger Games with them. 561 00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:17,713 I'm sorry, Jerod, Cailey, and Zach. 562 00:20:18,767 --> 00:20:20,819 Well, that wraps up Metta World News 563 00:20:20,902 --> 00:20:23,055 for this Wednesday, August microwave wood chipper. 564 00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:24,736 I'm Metta World Peace. 565 00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:25,885 Good night. 566 00:20:26,841 --> 00:20:28,327 [Applause] 567 00:20:28,410 --> 00:20:29,895 - [Foreign accent] Look at this one here. Huh? 568 00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:33,210 Look at this one here, huh? - Beautiful lady. 569 00:20:33,344 --> 00:20:35,624 What I wouldn't do to her. [Laughs] 570 00:20:35,708 --> 00:20:38,035 - You can see full chin cleavage on this one, huh? 571 00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:39,438 - Yeah, yeah. 572 00:20:39,521 --> 00:20:40,772 Good night, everybody. 573 00:20:40,855 --> 00:20:42,407 - Have a good one. - Good night. 574 00:20:42,490 --> 00:20:45,789 [Cheers and applause] 575 00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:52,084 [Soul music] 576 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:57,055 577 00:20:57,138 --> 00:20:59,958 - I'm gonna do my one line here 578 00:21:00,042 --> 00:21:01,907 - Oh, yeah. 579 00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:06,186 - Steampunk. Really? Is that gonna be the term? 580 00:21:06,270 --> 00:21:07,317 Can't we do better than that? Like... 581 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,397 - It's steampunk. - Clockwork mage. 582 00:21:09,481 --> 00:21:12,600 Isn't that... I beat it... I beat it with one try. 583 00:21:12,684 --> 00:21:14,437 - Gear sorcerer. - Yeah. 584 00:21:15,290 --> 00:21:18,289 - Techno trolls. - [Laughing] Ripped By mstoll 585 00:21:18,373 --> 00:21:19,781 Resync BluRay by LeRalouf 586 00:21:19,831 --> 00:21:24,381 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 43159

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