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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,987 --> 00:00:02,882 - Hoo! Great hike today, buddy. 2 00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:04,805 I was coming up that last hill, 3 00:00:05,356 --> 00:00:07,937 and I turned around and you were nowhere to be found. 4 00:00:08,492 --> 00:00:10,185 - Thought I was gonna have to go back and get you. 5 00:00:10,269 --> 00:00:12,125 - Uh, at least we made it. Ripped By mstoll 6 00:00:15,065 --> 00:00:19,219 Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you, I talk in my sleep. 7 00:00:19,302 --> 00:00:21,388 - Oh. - Yeah, quite a bit, actually, 8 00:00:21,471 --> 00:00:24,667 so if it bothers you, just wake me up. 9 00:00:25,008 --> 00:00:26,362 - Okay, buddy. - Cool. 10 00:00:27,555 --> 00:00:29,206 - Good night. - Good night. 11 00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:35,799 Dick head. 12 00:00:37,721 --> 00:00:39,729 You stupid dick head. 13 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:44,912 [Imitating Key] "Hey, Jordan, oh, let's go camping, come on. 14 00:00:44,995 --> 00:00:47,080 "Oh, Jordan, keep hiking. We're almost there. 15 00:00:47,163 --> 00:00:49,042 Oh, buddy." [Chuckles] 16 00:00:49,659 --> 00:00:51,411 So much fucking energy. 17 00:00:51,667 --> 00:00:54,187 Just shove that CLIF Bar up your ass, 18 00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:55,862 you bald cocksucker. 19 00:00:59,275 --> 00:01:00,581 - [Whispering] Jordan, Jordan. 20 00:01:03,315 --> 00:01:04,498 - Fuck you, 21 00:01:04,581 --> 00:01:09,036 Keegan... hyphen... Michael... Key. 22 00:01:09,119 --> 00:01:10,971 - Jordan, wake up. 23 00:01:11,054 --> 00:01:13,040 You're talking in your sleep. - Not asleep yet. 24 00:01:13,123 --> 00:01:16,043 [Soul music] 25 00:01:16,126 --> 00:01:24,124 26 00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,582 Resync BluRay by LeRalouf 27 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,495 [cheers and applause] 28 00:01:35,578 --> 00:01:37,205 - Whoa. 29 00:01:41,751 --> 00:01:43,870 - [Low chatter] Muay Thai. - Muay Thai, Muay Thai. 30 00:01:43,953 --> 00:01:46,306 [Cheers and applause] 31 00:01:46,389 --> 00:01:48,008 - Thank you, thank you. - Thank you. 32 00:01:48,091 --> 00:01:50,763 - You guys are awesome! 33 00:01:51,490 --> 00:01:53,480 - Thank you so much. I am Keegan-Michael Key. 34 00:01:53,563 --> 00:01:55,421 - I'm Jordan Peele. - And we are Key and Peele. 35 00:01:55,505 --> 00:01:58,185 - Yeah, so... [cheers and applause] 36 00:01:58,268 --> 00:01:59,753 - Thank you. 37 00:02:00,185 --> 00:02:02,522 - Uh, ladies, are you... How you doing tonight? 38 00:02:02,605 --> 00:02:04,691 [Cheers and applause] 39 00:02:04,774 --> 00:02:07,094 - You're good. They're good. 40 00:02:07,286 --> 00:02:08,841 - Every lady I've ever dated 41 00:02:09,083 --> 00:02:11,331 somehow gets the impression I can fight. 42 00:02:11,810 --> 00:02:13,667 - Oh, that's... that's bad news right off the bat. 43 00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:15,902 - That's bad news. - 'Cause he cannot, yes. 44 00:02:15,985 --> 00:02:17,687 - I can... well... - Nor can I. 45 00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:20,039 - If I guy says something disrespectful 46 00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:21,808 to a lady that I'm with, 47 00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:23,910 I'll just pretend like I didn't... I-I went blind. 48 00:02:23,993 --> 00:02:25,841 - Somehow you didn't hear it? 49 00:02:25,995 --> 00:02:27,480 - Oh, man. - Did you hear that? 50 00:02:27,563 --> 00:02:28,748 - I didn't... - Did you hear what he just 51 00:02:28,831 --> 00:02:30,419 said to me right here? - I just had 52 00:02:30,503 --> 00:02:32,865 temporary blind and deafness. I don't know what's... 53 00:02:33,099 --> 00:02:34,688 - He was standing right here. - He said that? 54 00:02:34,771 --> 00:02:36,022 - He was standing right here, calling me a... 55 00:02:36,105 --> 00:02:38,575 - Where he at, where he at? He left? 56 00:02:38,841 --> 00:02:40,360 See. Aw, man. - No, he right here. 57 00:02:40,443 --> 00:02:41,861 He right here. - No, I don't know 58 00:02:41,944 --> 00:02:43,330 where you pointing. I don't know what... 59 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:45,372 - No, he's right... He's right here. 60 00:02:45,615 --> 00:02:47,200 He's listening to you talk right now. 61 00:02:47,283 --> 00:02:48,601 - Step to me! - No, no. 62 00:02:48,684 --> 00:02:50,437 - Show yourself! - This way. He's... 63 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:52,505 - It ain't happening. - He's right here. 64 00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:54,507 He is right... He is right... 65 00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:56,176 - Baby, baby, baby. - Oh, well... 66 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,625 [crowd screams] [Both laughing] 67 00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:03,616 - [Sighs] - Can you totally chillax? 68 00:03:03,699 --> 00:03:05,785 - No, I'm so annoyed right now. 69 00:03:05,868 --> 00:03:07,687 Can you, like, not talk to me for, like, a second? 70 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,723 Like, that'd be great. That'd be fine. 71 00:03:09,806 --> 00:03:11,130 That'd be fine by me. 72 00:03:11,214 --> 00:03:13,392 What? Oh, my God, are you serious? 73 00:03:13,476 --> 00:03:15,561 This is bullshit. What could possibly 74 00:03:15,645 --> 00:03:17,764 be the problem with letting two more people in? 75 00:03:18,075 --> 00:03:19,632 - Check your girl, bro. 76 00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,468 - I'm sorry. - Excuse me, what did you say? 77 00:03:21,551 --> 00:03:23,903 "Check your girl"? Uh-uh, it doesn't work like that. 78 00:03:23,986 --> 00:03:25,939 No one checks me because I'm not luggage. 79 00:03:26,022 --> 00:03:30,411 Okay? So you can go fyuck yoursee-elf. 80 00:03:30,495 --> 00:03:32,347 - Meegan, seriously, 81 00:03:32,450 --> 00:03:34,748 two more people are gonna come out in a couple of seconds, 82 00:03:34,831 --> 00:03:35,966 and then we can go in. 83 00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,583 - No! Let me ask you a question. 84 00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:39,366 What was it like being in The Green Mile? 85 00:03:39,450 --> 00:03:41,121 - He wasn't in The Green Mlle! 86 00:03:41,204 --> 00:03:42,622 He clearly wasn't in that movie. 87 00:03:42,705 --> 00:03:44,491 - What does Tom Hanks's penis feel like? 88 00:03:44,574 --> 00:03:46,593 - Meegan! - Moreover, how does it feel 89 00:03:46,676 --> 00:03:48,928 when swarms of bees are coming out of your face? 90 00:03:49,011 --> 00:03:50,764 - Seriously, I'm sorry. It's, like, her favorite movie. 91 00:03:50,847 --> 00:03:52,065 - Don't apologize for me! 92 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:53,600 Yeah, this is nice, this is nice. 93 00:03:53,683 --> 00:03:55,502 You look like Common meets The Incredible Hulk. 94 00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,070 - Meegan... - When you brought 95 00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:58,738 the frankincense to baby Jesus, did they, like... 96 00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,507 - Oh. - Make you stand 97 00:04:00,590 --> 00:04:02,161 outside the barn because you were too big, 98 00:04:02,245 --> 00:04:04,843 or did they invite you in with all the other animals? 99 00:04:04,927 --> 00:04:06,562 Don't flare your nostrils at me. 100 00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:07,814 Okay? - He's... 101 00:04:07,897 --> 00:04:09,325 - Do you have any idea how impolite that is? 102 00:04:09,575 --> 00:04:13,849 - He hasn't moved his nostrils once since we got here. 103 00:04:13,933 --> 00:04:16,088 - I saw them move! - They did not move, Meegan. 104 00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,424 - They flared! 105 00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:19,159 - Meegan, they fucking did not move! 106 00:04:19,242 --> 00:04:23,169 - Your nostrils flared more than a survivor from a boat accident. 107 00:04:23,521 --> 00:04:24,464 - What? 108 00:04:24,547 --> 00:04:25,465 - He's not even looking me in the eyes. 109 00:04:25,548 --> 00:04:26,497 Okay, you know what? 110 00:04:26,581 --> 00:04:29,334 If you're just going to continue to be a little prick, 111 00:04:29,418 --> 00:04:31,471 you're gonna get your ass kicked. 112 00:04:31,554 --> 00:04:33,740 - Don't touch him, Mee... Meegan. 113 00:04:34,224 --> 00:04:36,435 - [Scoffs] Crazy bitch. 114 00:04:36,519 --> 00:04:38,338 - [Gasps] 115 00:04:38,461 --> 00:04:39,810 [Squeaks] 116 00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:42,689 - [Sighs] 117 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,846 Oh! 118 00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:51,169 - I totally love my nails right now. 119 00:04:52,529 --> 00:04:54,227 I'm so over everything right now, 120 00:04:54,310 --> 00:04:56,996 over the floor, I'm over the sky, I'm over you, 121 00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:58,531 over that pussy back there. 122 00:04:58,615 --> 00:05:00,133 You're a pussy! 123 00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:01,901 - Meegan, seriously. - Whatever. 124 00:05:01,984 --> 00:05:03,536 - [Makes kissing sounds] 125 00:05:03,619 --> 00:05:05,004 - Nice legs, little lady. [Laughter] 126 00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:08,141 - Um, excuse me? 127 00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:09,763 - Oh, God! 128 00:05:09,847 --> 00:05:11,510 - Hey, what did you say? 129 00:05:11,594 --> 00:05:14,263 What the fuck did you just say? 130 00:05:14,656 --> 00:05:18,786 You guys come back here with your little itty-bitty dicks. 131 00:05:21,419 --> 00:05:23,022 - You best control your lady. 132 00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:24,763 - Yup. - [Gasps] Excuse... 133 00:05:25,005 --> 00:05:28,094 "Control your lady"? No, he doesn't control me, 134 00:05:28,177 --> 00:05:30,930 'cause let me tell you something, I'm not a remote. 135 00:05:31,014 --> 00:05:33,591 - Meegan, baby, can we just let this go? 136 00:05:33,675 --> 00:05:35,834 - No, I'm talking to the Pussies of Anarchy right now. 137 00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:37,154 - Oh, boy. - Yeah, you. 138 00:05:37,238 --> 00:05:39,538 Why don't you all gather yourselves, 139 00:05:39,622 --> 00:05:41,708 and why don't you just go and figure out a way 140 00:05:41,791 --> 00:05:44,779 to suck on each other's leathery peni. 141 00:05:44,863 --> 00:05:46,782 - Hey, fuck you, bitch! - [Gasps] 142 00:05:46,866 --> 00:05:48,966 - Oh, no. - [Squeaks] 143 00:05:53,455 --> 00:05:54,956 - [Sighs] 144 00:05:56,505 --> 00:05:58,753 It's not even the plural of "penis." 145 00:05:59,339 --> 00:06:00,560 [Punching thud] - Yeah! 146 00:06:00,643 --> 00:06:01,728 [Thugs laughing] 147 00:06:01,811 --> 00:06:05,898 - I'm the queen of the world! 148 00:06:05,982 --> 00:06:08,635 Yes! I feel invincible! 149 00:06:08,718 --> 00:06:11,971 Like I have super powers or something. Ha ha! 150 00:06:12,054 --> 00:06:14,315 You hear that, all you assholes of the world? 151 00:06:14,399 --> 00:06:17,489 I can do anything I want, and no one can stop me. 152 00:06:17,573 --> 00:06:19,279 - Because you don't have to fight your own fights, 153 00:06:19,363 --> 00:06:20,917 you crazy bitch! - [Gasps] 154 00:06:21,001 --> 00:06:23,206 - Oh, boy. - [Squeaks] 155 00:06:23,290 --> 00:06:25,401 - Oh, no. 156 00:06:27,115 --> 00:06:28,651 - [Squeaks] 157 00:06:29,405 --> 00:06:30,807 - [Sighs] 158 00:06:30,977 --> 00:06:34,042 Ugh! Oh. 159 00:06:34,354 --> 00:06:36,744 - Nothing can stop me! 160 00:06:37,747 --> 00:06:38,665 - Action. - Hey. 161 00:06:38,748 --> 00:06:40,333 Have you ever found yourself 162 00:06:40,416 --> 00:06:42,565 in High Point, North Carolina, and not feeling safe? 163 00:06:42,649 --> 00:06:45,745 Come on down to Doug Duggart's Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. 164 00:06:47,362 --> 00:06:48,775 You will learn to tackle and grapple... 165 00:06:48,858 --> 00:06:50,610 [gong rings] 166 00:06:50,693 --> 00:06:53,179 [Gong echoing] 167 00:06:53,262 --> 00:06:55,281 Like a ultimate fighting pro. 168 00:06:55,364 --> 00:06:57,517 At my studio, you get hands-on training, 169 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,285 [both grunting] 170 00:06:59,368 --> 00:07:00,846 And individual attention. 171 00:07:00,930 --> 00:07:05,051 So hut! Hut! [Grunting] 172 00:07:05,393 --> 00:07:06,859 Tackle and grapple. 173 00:07:06,942 --> 00:07:09,378 Take on multiple enemies. 174 00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:12,382 This is a tackle. That's a grapple. 175 00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:13,846 This is a tackle. 176 00:07:14,550 --> 00:07:16,035 That's a grapple. 177 00:07:16,118 --> 00:07:17,637 Get... there we go. 178 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,518 [Grunts] 179 00:07:19,602 --> 00:07:20,872 Tackle and grapple! 180 00:07:20,956 --> 00:07:24,949 All ages, learn to protect yourself and your loved ones. 181 00:07:30,862 --> 00:07:32,685 There are many different levels. 182 00:07:32,768 --> 00:07:34,034 There's the beginner level, 183 00:07:34,118 --> 00:07:37,939 and if you pass my private one-on-one sensei trial, 184 00:07:38,354 --> 00:07:41,126 you may make it into the advanced class. 185 00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:42,528 Tackle and grapple! 186 00:07:42,611 --> 00:07:43,979 Doug Duggart's Brazilian Jiu Jitsu 187 00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:46,331 at the High Point mini mall. Just east of the Pizza Barn 188 00:07:46,415 --> 00:07:49,002 two doors down from Carl's Discount Wheels and Furniture. 189 00:07:49,085 --> 00:07:50,700 So... quick tackle! Get down. [grunts] 190 00:07:50,784 --> 00:07:52,038 [Muttering] Ah, trip 'em up. 191 00:07:52,121 --> 00:07:54,604 [All grunting] Get down there. 192 00:07:54,688 --> 00:07:56,140 No, stay... stay away. 193 00:07:56,487 --> 00:07:58,211 Special discounts for college students. 194 00:07:58,294 --> 00:07:59,712 S... mm, move it. Get your leg back. 195 00:07:59,795 --> 00:08:01,014 [Gong rings] 196 00:08:01,097 --> 00:08:04,167 Put your leg right here. [Gong echoing] 197 00:08:07,503 --> 00:08:09,409 [Soul music] 198 00:08:09,643 --> 00:08:11,357 - There's an elevator etiquette, 199 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:13,325 and people gotta be following this etiquette. 200 00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:16,136 When I get on an elevator and I press six 201 00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:18,698 and the light lights up, and you get in the elevator, 202 00:08:18,782 --> 00:08:20,878 if you're going to six and you see the light's lit up, 203 00:08:21,350 --> 00:08:23,057 don't fucking touch the button. 204 00:08:23,486 --> 00:08:25,872 - Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit diddle-diddle-dit 205 00:08:25,955 --> 00:08:27,981 dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit diddle-diddle-dit. 206 00:08:28,065 --> 00:08:29,509 - What are you doing, Morse code up in here? 207 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:30,710 - Yeah, that's right, man, I'm sending... 208 00:08:30,793 --> 00:08:32,078 sending a telegram. 209 00:08:32,161 --> 00:08:33,379 Sometimes it makes the doors go faster. 210 00:08:33,462 --> 00:08:34,447 - Oh, yeah? - You want to really 211 00:08:34,530 --> 00:08:35,748 get it going? - Uh-huh. 212 00:08:35,831 --> 00:08:37,183 - You gotta warm it up. - Yeah, yeah. 213 00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:38,451 - Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit. - Yeah. Yeah. 214 00:08:38,534 --> 00:08:39,852 The doors have not yet closed, sir. 215 00:08:39,935 --> 00:08:41,401 - Every elevator's different, man. 216 00:08:41,485 --> 00:08:44,596 I'm a elevator whisperer, really, is what I am. 217 00:08:44,827 --> 00:08:47,680 This one needs a little care, needs a little tender... 218 00:08:47,810 --> 00:08:49,948 tender TLC. Come on, baby. 219 00:08:51,213 --> 00:08:54,542 Come on, baby. Let's get it going. 220 00:08:54,626 --> 00:08:57,753 Let's get it going. She's not responding to you. 221 00:08:57,837 --> 00:08:59,957 - You know, I'm just... Just gonna take the next one. 222 00:09:00,041 --> 00:09:02,032 - Yeah, all right, all right. 223 00:09:07,196 --> 00:09:09,315 - Uh, I actually pressed it already. 224 00:09:09,398 --> 00:09:11,798 - Hmm? - The walk button, I pressed it. 225 00:09:18,784 --> 00:09:20,226 - Couldn't hurt to press it again. 226 00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:21,143 - But it won't help. 227 00:09:21,784 --> 00:09:24,128 I mean, I pressed it already, right? 228 00:09:24,513 --> 00:09:26,104 It's already done. 229 00:09:26,515 --> 00:09:27,995 You don't think I didn't press it? 230 00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,503 - No, I wasn't saying that. 231 00:09:30,714 --> 00:09:33,378 - Good, 'cause I most certainly did press it. 232 00:09:33,722 --> 00:09:35,870 Just have to wait for it to change. 233 00:09:42,706 --> 00:09:44,214 - So I'm, like, late for work, 234 00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:46,285 so I'm just... just gonna press it. 235 00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:48,987 - What for? Why would you do something that's already done? 236 00:09:49,495 --> 00:09:53,276 I mean, I just think that that's crazy, right? 237 00:09:55,245 --> 00:09:57,130 - I don't know. - You wouldn't suit up 238 00:09:57,213 --> 00:10:00,159 and try to kill Bin Laden again. It's done. 239 00:10:00,582 --> 00:10:04,237 I have killed the Bin Laden of pressing this button. 240 00:10:06,261 --> 00:10:07,706 - How long ago did you press it? 241 00:10:08,596 --> 00:10:10,476 - What do you think, I've been standing here for days? 242 00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:11,811 - I... - I just pressed it 243 00:10:11,894 --> 00:10:13,146 right as you walked up. 244 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,737 - Are you sure you pressed it? 245 00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:17,182 - Am I sure I pressed it? It's... how could I miss it? 246 00:10:17,266 --> 00:10:19,352 [Scoffs] Rats know how to press buttons. 247 00:10:19,435 --> 00:10:20,987 Do you think I'm dumber than a rat? 248 00:10:21,070 --> 00:10:23,955 - No. No, nobody's saying anything like that, man. 249 00:10:24,039 --> 00:10:26,190 - It's gonna change. Just... just wait. 250 00:10:26,787 --> 00:10:28,839 It's because I pressed it already. 251 00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:32,165 - Okay, no offense. I'm just gonna press it. 252 00:10:32,248 --> 00:10:34,367 - What would you do that for? This is precision equipment 253 00:10:34,450 --> 00:10:36,369 designed by people with engineering degrees. 254 00:10:36,452 --> 00:10:37,542 It will work. 255 00:10:37,626 --> 00:10:40,268 I pressed it, sir! I pressed the button! 256 00:10:40,352 --> 00:10:41,973 - While we've been standing here, 257 00:10:42,057 --> 00:10:44,393 the light cycle has gone by twice, okay? 258 00:10:44,483 --> 00:10:46,073 I'm not saying you didn't press it. 259 00:10:46,157 --> 00:10:47,401 I'm just saying maybe it didn't work! 260 00:10:47,485 --> 00:10:48,704 - If it didn't work for me, 261 00:10:48,788 --> 00:10:51,307 why in the world would it work for you? 262 00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:55,354 You think that it would change faster if you pressed it? 263 00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:57,387 You think the light doesn't like me or something? 264 00:10:57,471 --> 00:10:59,425 Or do you think that this particular button 265 00:10:59,508 --> 00:11:01,761 was designed so that it only works 266 00:11:01,844 --> 00:11:03,511 after the second time that it's been pressed? 267 00:11:03,595 --> 00:11:06,323 'Cause that's lunacy, okay? Do you understand? 268 00:11:06,407 --> 00:11:09,284 Do not cut my balls off on this one, okay? 269 00:11:10,221 --> 00:11:13,893 Please, do not press the button... 270 00:11:14,854 --> 00:11:15,675 again. 271 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:19,862 - Okay, fine! We'll just stand here! 272 00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:20,932 - Thank you. 273 00:11:23,699 --> 00:11:25,718 - What? - Hey, no! 274 00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:27,720 Oh! Oh! 275 00:11:28,011 --> 00:11:30,143 Told you you shouldn't have pressed the button. 276 00:11:30,403 --> 00:11:31,815 Told him not to do that. 277 00:11:32,511 --> 00:11:34,878 No, actually, I already pressed the button, sir. 278 00:11:38,339 --> 00:11:39,932 [Dance music] 279 00:11:40,015 --> 00:11:42,201 - All right, fellas, coming to the stage next 280 00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:44,315 is the beautiful Galaxy. 281 00:11:44,460 --> 00:11:47,806 - Hey, baby. - Hey, baby. 282 00:11:47,890 --> 00:11:50,276 283 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,311 Oh. 284 00:11:52,394 --> 00:11:53,980 285 00:11:54,362 --> 00:11:56,716 Gon' be for you. [Chuckles] 286 00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,150 You can keep it. 287 00:11:58,233 --> 00:11:59,952 There's more where that came from too. 288 00:12:00,565 --> 00:12:01,954 Trust me. 289 00:12:02,037 --> 00:12:03,422 - [Whistles] 290 00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:06,011 There's my girl. Oh, damn. 291 00:12:06,095 --> 00:12:08,300 I'm straight up talkin' 'bout some Darryl Dawkins right here, 292 00:12:08,384 --> 00:12:09,595 because this some chocolate thunder. 293 00:12:09,678 --> 00:12:11,464 What, girl? Make it rain! 294 00:12:11,547 --> 00:12:13,165 [Laughs] Yeah. 295 00:12:13,248 --> 00:12:15,668 Oh, yeah, girl. - I try to make it last! 296 00:12:15,751 --> 00:12:17,670 [Laughs] 297 00:12:17,753 --> 00:12:19,854 - [Mutters] What... 298 00:12:20,322 --> 00:12:21,745 All right, girl, mmm. 299 00:12:21,829 --> 00:12:23,643 Sha-pam! I'ma get it right in the booty right there. 300 00:12:23,726 --> 00:12:25,057 Uh, and booty-swam! 301 00:12:25,141 --> 00:12:26,511 That's what you call a booty investment. 302 00:12:26,595 --> 00:12:28,414 [Laughs] Sha-blam! 303 00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:31,450 - But you really don't need to give 'em that much. 304 00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:32,985 I don't think they're expecting all that. 305 00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:34,456 - Whoo! 306 00:12:34,540 --> 00:12:36,822 - It's kind of like feeding a squirrel, you know? 307 00:12:36,905 --> 00:12:38,925 I mean, they will come back to you, so... 308 00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,927 - Oh, oh, oh, my gosh. Some of this is getting lost. 309 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,495 Let's get it right where it needs to be. 310 00:12:42,578 --> 00:12:45,034 Right in there, baby. Oh, yeah. - Keep it classy. 311 00:12:45,118 --> 00:12:46,832 - Ha ha ha! - Keep it classy. 312 00:12:46,915 --> 00:12:48,267 - Oh, shit, somebody better get a umbrella, 313 00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:49,659 'cause I can't stop making it rain. 314 00:12:49,743 --> 00:12:51,304 It's like Noah's flood up in here. 315 00:12:51,387 --> 00:12:55,107 Whoo, two by two, baby. Two by two! Ha ha! 316 00:12:55,190 --> 00:12:57,209 Baby, you don't know that I'm the general, 317 00:12:57,292 --> 00:12:59,312 'cause it's Stormin' Norman. That's what they be calling me. 318 00:12:59,395 --> 00:13:07,286 [Velcro slowly tearing] 319 00:13:07,930 --> 00:13:08,854 Damn. 320 00:13:08,937 --> 00:13:11,588 Anyway, like I said, when you finish training, 321 00:13:11,672 --> 00:13:13,326 we'll get Scotty Musso up in here. 322 00:13:13,409 --> 00:13:15,742 That nigga can train a boxer. 323 00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:25,171 [Laughs] Ooh, Lord have mercy. 324 00:13:25,254 --> 00:13:26,739 You don't know nothing about this. [laughs] 325 00:13:26,822 --> 00:13:28,297 - Make it rain! 326 00:13:28,924 --> 00:13:30,376 - Aah! - What the... 327 00:13:30,459 --> 00:13:31,844 - Are you an idiot? 328 00:13:31,927 --> 00:13:34,586 Leon, get this guy out of here. 329 00:13:34,670 --> 00:13:37,582 - All right, nobody move! There he is. 330 00:13:37,666 --> 00:13:38,684 - There who is? 331 00:13:38,767 --> 00:13:40,186 - You, on your feet! - What? 332 00:13:40,269 --> 00:13:42,750 - On your feet. - What I do? 333 00:13:42,834 --> 00:13:45,223 - You're under arrest for photocopying money. 334 00:13:45,307 --> 00:13:47,071 - Oh, God damn it! 335 00:13:47,342 --> 00:13:49,844 You know how long it took me to cut all that out? 336 00:13:50,145 --> 00:13:52,617 I got carpal tunnel syndrome up in this bitch, 337 00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,828 calluses on the inside of my thumbs. 338 00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:56,617 - That's definitely real, though. 339 00:14:00,721 --> 00:14:03,086 - Remember the character that Laurence Fishburne played 340 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:06,029 in Boyz n the Hood? Furious, right? 341 00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:09,699 We love those characters who are... like, the older dudes 342 00:14:09,907 --> 00:14:11,100 who just have to be spouting advice 343 00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:12,742 to everybody in the movie. 344 00:14:12,826 --> 00:14:17,573 - Dude walking around with some sort of food in his hand. 345 00:14:17,656 --> 00:14:19,609 Want a Lemonhead, son? You want a Lemonhead? 346 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,985 You want a Lemonhead, son? Want a Lemonhead? 347 00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:26,115 I got Corn Nuts in this hand, Lemonheads in this hand. 348 00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:28,117 - [Laughs] 349 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,852 - Which one you want? 350 00:14:29,936 --> 00:14:31,720 - The funny thing about those dudes, 351 00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,723 those dudes, they're never, like, in their 70s. 352 00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:35,458 They were always, like, in their 40s or 50s. 353 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,759 - Mm-hmm. - Nigga, why is you... 354 00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:38,766 Why don't you have a job? - Yeah. 355 00:14:39,244 --> 00:14:40,997 How are you giving me advice? - Where is your job? 356 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,555 He's just, like, you know, sitting on... 357 00:14:42,639 --> 00:14:44,733 Boy, you need to get out there and get yourself employed, 358 00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:46,435 do something with your life. - Mm-hmm. 359 00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:48,404 - 'Cause I ain't got time for no monkey business. 360 00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:49,739 - Mm-hmm. 361 00:14:50,250 --> 00:14:52,008 And what do you do for a living, sir? 362 00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:54,000 - I... advise. 363 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:07,416 - Mm, brothers, brothers, brothers. 364 00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:11,961 See, when are we gon' think of ourselves as more than this? 365 00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:13,205 [Chuckles] 366 00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:15,854 What y'all doing? Y'all rollin'? Huh? 367 00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:16,933 [Chuckles] 368 00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:18,768 Flippin'? Stoopin'? [Chuckles] 369 00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,252 Boxin'? Maxin'? 370 00:15:20,750 --> 00:15:21,846 Chaxin'? 371 00:15:22,121 --> 00:15:24,237 I used to stoop. Oh, yeah. 372 00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:27,075 I used to flip, roll, you know, whatever you want to call it. 373 00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:28,844 [Chuckles] Me and my crew, 374 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,659 we would get into activity, much like yourselves. 375 00:15:33,901 --> 00:15:36,686 You see, the problem was, we were only perpetuating 376 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:40,002 the stereotype the system already assumes about us. 377 00:15:40,369 --> 00:15:42,792 Mm. You see, we need to 378 00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:45,895 stop feeding into the preconceived notions 379 00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:47,530 that we are all... 380 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:51,133 - Great job, you guys. You really work hard today. 381 00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:55,409 I wish I could pay you more, but you know how it is. 382 00:15:56,213 --> 00:15:59,208 Eh, who are you, huh? What do you want? 383 00:15:59,799 --> 00:16:01,409 - I-I don't know. 384 00:16:03,284 --> 00:16:04,313 As you were. 385 00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:06,268 - As you were what, smart guy? 386 00:16:06,498 --> 00:16:09,399 [Cursing in foreign language] 387 00:16:11,976 --> 00:16:16,024 - Mm. Oh, ho. Brothers, brothers, brothers. 388 00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:19,533 Look at yourselves. Pants hangin' off your ass, 389 00:16:19,617 --> 00:16:21,187 looking like a couple of clowns... 390 00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:25,201 Which you are. Okay, enjoy the birthday celebration. 391 00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:26,335 - Give me your fucking money, bitch! 392 00:16:26,418 --> 00:16:27,703 - No! No! - I said, 393 00:16:27,786 --> 00:16:30,072 give me your fucking money, bitch! 394 00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:32,234 - [Grunts] - Brother, brother, brother. 395 00:16:32,318 --> 00:16:36,177 - Sir, everybody in this self-defense class 396 00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:38,114 has already paid to participate. 397 00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:40,883 If you're interested, you can sign up online. 398 00:16:43,396 --> 00:16:44,796 - I'm interested. - Good. 399 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:46,055 - That's why I came over here. I'm interested. 400 00:16:46,138 --> 00:16:47,423 I'm gon' think about it. 401 00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,248 I'm interested. - Thank you, sir. 402 00:16:50,542 --> 00:16:53,095 Now, ladies, it's gon' get really intense today, 403 00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:54,397 no matter what happens. 404 00:16:54,552 --> 00:16:57,233 I will be groping your breastasies 405 00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:59,750 as if you were being attacked like a real attacker. 406 00:16:59,834 --> 00:17:03,706 - Brother, brother, my brother. Now, I was watching you. 407 00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:08,515 Now, you older brothers need to break the stereotype 408 00:17:08,599 --> 00:17:11,047 and stop being so preachy. 409 00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:12,170 - You know what? - Mm? 410 00:17:12,254 --> 00:17:13,381 - I'm preachy? - Mm. 411 00:17:13,465 --> 00:17:14,750 - Come on. [Scoffs] 412 00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:17,420 You preachy, man. Plus, you older than me. 413 00:17:18,466 --> 00:17:21,959 - I'm nine years old. I got Benjamin Button's disease. 414 00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:25,513 - I'm done. I'm done. 415 00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:33,235 - [Imitating Key] "Oh, nature's gonna be so great once we get..." 416 00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:37,406 Shove nature up your ass, you bald cocksucker. 417 00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:41,577 And by "bald cocksucker," I mean you suck bald cocks. 418 00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:42,649 Still awake. 419 00:17:45,123 --> 00:17:47,316 [Soul music] 420 00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:48,193 - Do you guys... 421 00:17:48,277 --> 00:17:49,929 Do you guys like funk music? All: Yeah. 422 00:17:50,013 --> 00:17:51,365 [Cheers and applause] - Yeah. 423 00:17:51,937 --> 00:17:53,789 I tell you, funk music is a real testament 424 00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:56,000 to what a big group of people can do 425 00:17:56,084 --> 00:17:57,626 when they take acid together. - Yes. 426 00:17:57,709 --> 00:18:01,163 - It's really... it's just fantastic. 427 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:03,586 - It looks like a Halloween party for kids 428 00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:05,134 when the parents was just drunk. - Yeah, right, exactly. 429 00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:06,502 - It's like, "I don't know, just put some shit on." 430 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:07,703 - I don't... put this on and just... blip! 431 00:18:07,786 --> 00:18:09,371 Just stick on that in the head 432 00:18:09,454 --> 00:18:12,174 and wear nothing but a diaper. - Yeah, you know. 433 00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:14,276 - And the funny thing is, the lyrics are just kind of 434 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:17,012 a combination of some mode of transportation... 435 00:18:17,095 --> 00:18:18,880 - Mm-hmm. - A food, 436 00:18:18,964 --> 00:18:20,483 and an animal. - Mm-hmm. 437 00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:24,854 - Intergalactic hang glider with a dog 438 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,288 - Mm-hmm. 439 00:18:26,826 --> 00:18:28,421 - And just get it in there. - Yeah. 440 00:18:28,505 --> 00:18:32,828 Ostrich farm vanilla puddin' give it to me, y'all 441 00:18:32,911 --> 00:18:34,697 - [laughs] That's it. - Right? 442 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,132 Might have made too much sense there. 443 00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:37,833 - Might have made too much sense, yeah. 444 00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:39,443 - They might have been like, "No, that's not funky, 445 00:18:39,527 --> 00:18:40,802 'cause I knew what the fuck he was talking about." 446 00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:41,886 - I knew what that meant. 447 00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:47,042 [Cheers and applause] 448 00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:50,045 [Funk music] 449 00:18:50,128 --> 00:18:52,148 450 00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:56,986 - Got a pocket full of funky with a peppermint twist 451 00:18:57,069 --> 00:19:02,525 She's a cool, shifty mama blastin' off on the flip 452 00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:07,329 - Iridescent pork belly galactic super train 453 00:19:07,716 --> 00:19:11,901 Mama sister playground with a straw daddy cane 454 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,295 Uh-huh 455 00:19:13,379 --> 00:19:15,170 456 00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:17,773 - Gotta get it up - Hey 457 00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:20,276 - Gotta get it on - Uh 458 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,778 - Gotta get it down - Hey 459 00:19:22,861 --> 00:19:24,914 - Gotta make it strong 460 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:30,519 - Got that quick dip crayon earthquake jet pack on a bun 461 00:19:30,602 --> 00:19:34,630 Locomotive supernova Spanish Harlem sun 462 00:19:34,714 --> 00:19:35,651 - Yeah 463 00:19:35,735 --> 00:19:40,429 - Slick crawfish solar blast with a phosphorescent brain 464 00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:42,464 Both: Who's that mama squat town? 465 00:19:42,547 --> 00:19:45,701 Deep-fried Detroit soda train 466 00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:47,937 - Gotta shake it up 467 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,773 Gotta move it in 468 00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:53,209 Gotta put it down 469 00:19:53,292 --> 00:19:54,980 - You gotta make it swim 470 00:19:55,527 --> 00:20:00,783 Nebulatic comets sanitation disease 471 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:05,021 - Quick play tornado rip and tickle beef sneeze 472 00:20:05,105 --> 00:20:06,455 - Hey 473 00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:10,659 - Ships planets justice cannons cables and trees 474 00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:15,130 - Doctor's office penguin shillings railroads and peas 475 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:18,667 - I said crippled donkey Mel Brooks book train 476 00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:20,836 Bats on my knees 477 00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:25,495 - Penicillin trapdoor laser currency beans 478 00:20:25,579 --> 00:20:31,502 - He say penicillin trapdoor laser currency beans 479 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,515 - Hey, what the hell are we saying, man? 480 00:20:33,598 --> 00:20:35,317 - I got no idea, man. I'm just hungry 481 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,486 and talking about the galaxy and trains. 482 00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,154 I think they buying it, though. 483 00:20:39,401 --> 00:20:41,490 [Song ends] 484 00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:45,594 [Cheers and applause] 485 00:20:46,691 --> 00:20:48,464 - Tackle and grapple. - You want me go 486 00:20:48,547 --> 00:20:49,865 tackle and grapple? - Gonna go tackle and grap. 487 00:20:49,948 --> 00:20:51,200 - Tackle... look at these. Tackle and grapple! 488 00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:52,201 - No, no, no. - Tackle and grapple. 489 00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:53,214 - No, no, no, no, no, no. 490 00:20:53,298 --> 00:20:54,937 Good night, everybody. Good night. 491 00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:55,938 - Tackle and grapple. - You stay there. 492 00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:57,506 - Man. 493 00:20:57,675 --> 00:21:00,687 - I'm gonna do my one line here 494 00:21:00,771 --> 00:21:02,762 - Oh, yeah. 495 00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:06,975 - I'm walking home. - You're not walking home! 496 00:21:07,059 --> 00:21:08,192 We're 12 miles from home. 497 00:21:08,276 --> 00:21:11,146 - I'm gonna drag my torso along the ground. 498 00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:12,903 - You're not gonna do that, Meegan! 499 00:21:12,987 --> 00:21:14,122 - I'm gonna. 500 00:21:14,453 --> 00:21:16,081 - Don't do it, you're in the restaurant! 501 00:21:16,165 --> 00:21:19,593 Meegan, Meegan. - I'm gonna... don't! Aah! Ripped By mstoll 502 00:21:19,677 --> 00:21:20,601 Resync BluRay by LeRalouf 503 00:21:20,651 --> 00:21:25,201 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37488

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