All language subtitles for Key And Peele s03e03 Slap-Ass.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil) Download
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian Download
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,270 --> 00:00:06,261 - [Clears throat] 2 00:00:12,826 --> 00:00:13,930 Hey, buddy. - Hey, my dude. 3 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,632 What's going on, man? It's good to see... I'm sorry. 4 00:00:15,715 --> 00:00:17,034 I'm talking at the same time as you. 5 00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:18,902 - Okay, go ahead. - You go ahead and talk. 6 00:00:19,155 --> 00:00:21,041 I'm sorry, go ahead. - No, it's all right. I... 7 00:00:21,125 --> 00:00:22,052 - [stammers] Ripped By mstoll 8 00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:24,207 - Go... - Are you talking right now? 9 00:00:24,290 --> 00:00:25,529 - Yeah, I'm trying to... 10 00:00:27,829 --> 00:00:29,232 - Go ahead. - All right, this is... 11 00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:32,623 - Go ahead. - Okay, go ahead. 12 00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:35,752 - Try to not... um... - I'm just... I'm gonna talk, 13 00:00:35,835 --> 00:00:37,321 and you just keep... okay. - No, it's you. 14 00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,288 - I'm sorry. - No, all right, I'll go... 15 00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:40,590 - It's just that my Internet connection's a little weak. 16 00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:41,758 Ugh. - Gosh. 17 00:00:41,841 --> 00:00:43,271 - Are you talking right now? - I'm... no. 18 00:00:43,355 --> 00:00:44,761 - Are you talking right now? - I think... I can't tell 19 00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:45,829 if it's a delay... - God damn it. 20 00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:46,850 - Shit. - Okay. 21 00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:50,434 - You go first, and speak... - I'll talk, and then 22 00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:52,154 you start... - And then... no. 23 00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:56,106 Wait. What? - What's that? 24 00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:58,275 - Wait. What? 25 00:00:58,358 --> 00:00:59,743 Fuck! - God damn it! 26 00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:01,311 - I can't fucking believe this. Not today! 27 00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:03,351 - You got to be kidding me! - Not fucking today! 28 00:01:03,435 --> 00:01:04,247 - Ridiculous! 29 00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:06,249 - Got to have this conversation! 30 00:01:06,332 --> 00:01:08,518 Shit! - Okay, okay. 31 00:01:08,601 --> 00:01:10,687 - Okay, did the delay come back, or are you... did you catch up? 32 00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:12,422 - You know what? Let's just lay back, just calm. 33 00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:14,291 - You haven't fucking caught up, or we wouldn't be 34 00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:15,759 talking at the same time. - Wow. 35 00:01:16,053 --> 00:01:17,627 - God damn it! 36 00:01:17,896 --> 00:01:19,429 Okay, listen... okay, listen... - Okay, here's the thing... 37 00:01:19,512 --> 00:01:21,031 - We got to stop trying to talk at the same time... 38 00:01:21,114 --> 00:01:22,265 - Let me just get... - And try to make... 39 00:01:22,348 --> 00:01:24,501 - Okay. - Or this conversation... 40 00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:26,326 - All right, fine. - It's gonna just go on... 41 00:01:27,873 --> 00:01:29,373 forever. - I can't get out of it. 42 00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:31,108 - Okay, I can't... listen... - Then that's ridiculous, I'm... 43 00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:32,279 I'm... that... no. 44 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,679 - What a bunch of... God, help me, please! 45 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,047 - There's only one thing we can do, okay? 46 00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,281 - I can't! - There's only one thing 47 00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:39,716 we can do. - No, listen to me! 48 00:01:39,799 --> 00:01:41,318 - Yeah, we got... - I don't know how to get 49 00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:42,986 out of this! - Well, then we got to end it. 50 00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:44,321 I got to end it. - I got to end this! 51 00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:45,889 - I can't... - I got to end this! 52 00:01:45,972 --> 00:01:47,290 - I can't do it anymore! - I can't do it anymore. 53 00:01:47,373 --> 00:01:48,959 - Okay, fine! - I can't do it anymore! 54 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:50,615 - Then we're gonna end it. 55 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,462 Okay, we're gonna end... - I got to... 56 00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:55,889 [crying] I can't do it. - Keegan? 57 00:01:56,404 --> 00:01:58,969 Keegan, I'm gonna end it. You're frozen. I can't tell... 58 00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:00,904 We're gonna end it, okay? 59 00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:03,412 I just don't want you to be offended. 60 00:02:04,154 --> 00:02:06,631 Ending it, and... oh! 61 00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:08,979 Oh, he really meant "end it." 62 00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:11,982 [Soul music] 63 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:20,063 64 00:02:24,376 --> 00:02:26,077 Resync BluRay by LeRalouf 65 00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:33,102 [cheers and applause] 66 00:02:33,185 --> 00:02:35,104 - Whoo! 67 00:02:35,187 --> 00:02:38,941 Hello! Mwah! 68 00:02:39,024 --> 00:02:42,211 Good evening. Hello. 69 00:02:42,294 --> 00:02:43,446 Hello. 70 00:02:43,529 --> 00:02:46,549 - Thank you. - Thank you. 71 00:02:46,632 --> 00:02:48,351 - Okay, okay. - Thank you so much. 72 00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:49,456 Thank you so much. 73 00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:51,292 I am Keegan-Michael Key. - I am Jordan Peele. 74 00:02:51,376 --> 00:02:52,994 - And we are Key and Peele. - We are Key and Peele. 75 00:02:53,078 --> 00:02:54,831 - Thank you. [Cheers and applause] 76 00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:57,160 - You guys see that movie Django Unchalned? 77 00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:58,370 - Did you see that movie? All: Yeah! 78 00:02:58,454 --> 00:02:59,939 - Did you see it? Okay, mm-hmm. 79 00:03:00,045 --> 00:03:01,364 - That movie... I didn't want to like that, 80 00:03:01,447 --> 00:03:02,699 but that was good, though. That was good. 81 00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:04,467 - [Laughs] - 'Cause I appreciate 82 00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:08,682 some historical, you know, relevance and some accuracy, 83 00:03:08,766 --> 00:03:10,706 and when he shot that bitch and she flew across the room... 84 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:12,408 - And she flew off the thing, yeah. 85 00:03:12,491 --> 00:03:14,177 - That's me. That's... - That was worth $12 86 00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:15,432 right there, that one moment. 87 00:03:15,516 --> 00:03:17,362 - But Spike Lee had a problem. - Yes, he did. 88 00:03:17,446 --> 00:03:19,081 - Before the movie came out... - Before the movie came out, 89 00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:20,550 before he had seen it, he was like... 90 00:03:20,633 --> 00:03:23,417 - He was like, "Yo, this is absolutely"... 91 00:03:23,501 --> 00:03:25,654 I'm like, "Get some coffee in your system, Spike, 92 00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:28,589 'cause you've already lost my attention." 93 00:03:28,673 --> 00:03:30,392 He didn't like the N-word. - He didn't like 94 00:03:30,476 --> 00:03:32,662 the prolific use of the N-word. - Yeah. 95 00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:35,479 - Which l... I'm trying to think, how do I describe it? 96 00:03:35,563 --> 00:03:37,849 The N-word... The use of the N-word in a movie 97 00:03:37,933 --> 00:03:41,420 that's set in slave times in the South in the 1850s. 98 00:03:41,754 --> 00:03:44,552 "Accurate" is how I would... 99 00:03:47,003 --> 00:03:49,589 - Well, all right, friends. 100 00:03:49,745 --> 00:03:52,198 The first fight of the evening will feature 101 00:03:52,281 --> 00:03:55,268 one of my slaves versus one of the slaves 102 00:03:55,351 --> 00:03:58,371 of my distinguished guest, Mr. Jacob Dixon. 103 00:03:58,454 --> 00:04:00,106 - [Chuckles] You know, Robert, 104 00:04:00,189 --> 00:04:03,843 I hope you're as gracious a loser as you are a host. 105 00:04:03,926 --> 00:04:05,745 [Laughter] 106 00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:08,760 - All right, enough talk. [Snaps fingers] 107 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:14,362 [Sighs] Now... 108 00:04:15,137 --> 00:04:17,390 Fight, you devils! Fight to the death! 109 00:04:17,801 --> 00:04:19,792 - [Chuckles] 110 00:04:26,282 --> 00:04:27,801 - Hey. - Hey. 111 00:04:27,884 --> 00:04:29,569 Um, question. - Mm-hmm? 112 00:04:29,652 --> 00:04:30,870 - [Chuckles] 113 00:04:30,953 --> 00:04:33,635 How do we get out of this thing alive? 114 00:04:33,719 --> 00:04:35,972 - It's really simple. Just let me pretend to kill you. 115 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:39,879 - Hmm, maybe it just makes more sense if I pretend to kill you. 116 00:04:40,775 --> 00:04:42,782 Yeah. - Yeah, I just... 117 00:04:42,865 --> 00:04:45,318 I want to make it believable, so... 118 00:04:45,401 --> 00:04:47,587 - Well, that's what I was... That's what I was going for too. 119 00:04:47,670 --> 00:04:49,055 [Cane thuds] - What the blazes 120 00:04:49,138 --> 00:04:51,426 is going on over there in that endless clinch? 121 00:04:51,510 --> 00:04:53,291 Tear him apart! 122 00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:56,563 - Okay, let's... - Oh! You get... mm! 123 00:04:56,646 --> 00:05:00,137 [Both grunting dramatically] 124 00:05:00,221 --> 00:05:01,801 - So just... just die from this. 125 00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:03,937 - From this? Um, just... - [grunts] 126 00:05:04,020 --> 00:05:06,573 - You know what? Just something doesn't feel right, 127 00:05:06,656 --> 00:05:07,941 so if I could just... if I just... 128 00:05:08,024 --> 00:05:09,409 let me... go with me here. - Okay. Oh. 129 00:05:09,492 --> 00:05:12,245 [Both growling] 130 00:05:12,328 --> 00:05:15,114 - Yep, that was it, that was it. This feels much more real. 131 00:05:15,197 --> 00:05:16,916 So... - Really? What? Why? 132 00:05:16,999 --> 00:05:18,585 - Um, sorry, what do you mean "why"? 133 00:05:18,783 --> 00:05:20,697 - Fight! My God! 134 00:05:23,353 --> 00:05:25,525 - Oh. - I-I'm getting frustrated now. 135 00:05:25,608 --> 00:05:27,541 - Damn it, kill! 136 00:05:27,625 --> 00:05:30,845 [Both grunting] 137 00:05:31,180 --> 00:05:32,298 - Nope, not a thing. Not a thing. 138 00:05:32,381 --> 00:05:33,633 - Nothing? Okay, let me just get... 139 00:05:33,716 --> 00:05:35,368 Mm, I'm gonna get him. I got him. 140 00:05:35,451 --> 00:05:36,769 - Let me get you, though. - Just let me get you, though. 141 00:05:36,852 --> 00:05:38,171 Both: No, let me get you. 142 00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:40,139 - It was my idea, so can I do it first? 143 00:05:40,222 --> 00:05:42,470 Both: Let me get you... - Though, just for, like, a... 144 00:05:42,554 --> 00:05:43,912 Can you just let me get you for a second, please? 145 00:05:43,996 --> 00:05:45,074 - Let me get you! 146 00:05:45,158 --> 00:05:48,448 - Stop fighting like sissies and kill each other! 147 00:05:48,531 --> 00:05:50,383 - Okay. [Both grunting] 148 00:05:50,467 --> 00:05:51,541 - All right, so check this out. - Yeah, mm-hmm. 149 00:05:51,625 --> 00:05:52,943 - All right, we'll back up... 150 00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:55,355 - Mm-hmm. - And you run at me real fast, 151 00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:57,390 just do a bunch of spins and kicks and flourishes, 152 00:05:57,473 --> 00:05:59,459 and I'll just knock you out, one punch, and then you're dead. 153 00:05:59,542 --> 00:06:00,994 - Okay. No, wait, wait, what? 154 00:06:01,077 --> 00:06:03,129 I'm sorry, so you can look cool? No, thank you. 155 00:06:03,212 --> 00:06:06,132 - If someone doesn't die soon, I will kill you both. 156 00:06:06,215 --> 00:06:07,133 - Thank you. 157 00:06:07,291 --> 00:06:09,802 - [Grunting] - Ohh! 158 00:06:09,885 --> 00:06:11,337 - Ah, that's my boy! 159 00:06:11,420 --> 00:06:14,474 - [Grunts] - Ohh! 160 00:06:14,557 --> 00:06:15,508 - [Grunts] Ah! 161 00:06:15,591 --> 00:06:17,410 - Aah! 162 00:06:17,493 --> 00:06:19,145 - You are not getting stronger from my punches. 163 00:06:19,228 --> 00:06:21,648 - Yes, I am, though! - Listen, come here. 164 00:06:21,731 --> 00:06:23,883 Listen. Listen, listen. 165 00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:25,351 Let's be fair, okay? 166 00:06:25,434 --> 00:06:28,021 We both slam into each other, and we both die. 167 00:06:28,104 --> 00:06:29,314 Fair? 168 00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:30,822 - That's fair. - All right. 169 00:06:30,906 --> 00:06:32,659 [Both grunting] One! 170 00:06:32,742 --> 00:06:34,994 - This will be good. - Two! 171 00:06:35,213 --> 00:06:36,896 Both: Three! 172 00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:38,994 [Grunting dramatically] 173 00:06:39,415 --> 00:06:41,568 - What? - Oh, you son of a bitch! 174 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,002 - What? You were never gonna fall. 175 00:06:43,085 --> 00:06:44,437 - You didn't even try to fall down. 176 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,773 - What the hell? - It's the fakest thing... 177 00:06:46,856 --> 00:06:48,608 How about that? - No. No, don't hit me. 178 00:06:48,691 --> 00:06:49,909 Oh, what's that? - Ow. 179 00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:51,010 - What in tarnation are you doing? 180 00:06:51,093 --> 00:06:52,178 - Come on, stop. 181 00:06:52,261 --> 00:06:53,379 Oh, you hit my balls. 182 00:06:53,462 --> 00:06:54,643 - Hey, everybody. 183 00:06:54,727 --> 00:06:56,072 War's over. 184 00:06:58,455 --> 00:07:00,268 Slavery is abolished. 185 00:07:01,470 --> 00:07:02,447 Sorry. 186 00:07:02,638 --> 00:07:03,947 - [Scoffs] 187 00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,955 We'll call it a draw. - Done. 188 00:07:07,543 --> 00:07:09,346 - Good for you, though, huh? 189 00:07:10,446 --> 00:07:12,565 - Thank you? - Let's go. 190 00:07:12,648 --> 00:07:15,134 - Well, wait. Before you... No, no, no, no, no, hold up. 191 00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:17,470 - Just if... just if I may, who do you think 192 00:07:17,553 --> 00:07:19,939 would have won the fight? - Yeah, between the two of us? 193 00:07:21,424 --> 00:07:23,309 [Soul music] 194 00:07:23,392 --> 00:07:24,877 - We've had, on a couple of occasions, 195 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,447 like, I mean, real super-tough, 196 00:07:27,556 --> 00:07:31,541 like, tatted-up Mexican dudes walk up to us and go, 197 00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:33,119 "Hey, homes. 198 00:07:35,071 --> 00:07:37,908 Like, you guys should make fun of us." 199 00:07:37,992 --> 00:07:41,045 [Laughter and applause] 200 00:07:41,343 --> 00:07:42,962 You know, the guy's, like... blink, 201 00:07:43,045 --> 00:07:46,633 he's got a K and a P tattooed here. 202 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,234 We're like, "No, it's okay." - "It's all right." 203 00:07:48,317 --> 00:07:49,636 - "It's all right." "No, you should do it. 204 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:52,171 Like, make fun of us more." - "Nah." 205 00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:53,840 - "Because you guys... you guys are leaving us out." 206 00:07:53,923 --> 00:07:56,342 - You can't... - "Like, don't leave us out. 207 00:07:56,425 --> 00:07:57,910 We're trying to have fun too, okay?" 208 00:07:57,993 --> 00:07:59,278 - Yeah. 209 00:07:59,361 --> 00:08:01,588 - "We're trying to have fun, ese." 210 00:08:01,831 --> 00:08:03,750 - That's some scary shit when their eyes get big. 211 00:08:03,833 --> 00:08:04,851 That's some scary shit. - "Hey." 212 00:08:04,934 --> 00:08:06,586 - No. 213 00:08:06,669 --> 00:08:08,321 I don't want none of that. 214 00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:11,691 It's like, if you have human sacrifice in your DNA, 215 00:08:11,774 --> 00:08:14,299 I'm not gonna make fun of you. - [Laughs] 216 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,432 Okay, let's get this thing going. 217 00:08:19,984 --> 00:08:22,367 Everybody take a seat. 218 00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:24,929 We got to have more meetings, homes, 219 00:08:25,244 --> 00:08:27,937 'cause I'm telling you, man, we got to get organized. 220 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:30,009 [Sighs] 221 00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:33,084 [Sirens wailing in the distance] 222 00:08:40,703 --> 00:08:43,389 Carlito ain't got a seat, man. Someone get him a chair. 223 00:08:43,472 --> 00:08:44,857 - No, I'm cool. 224 00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:47,527 - No, dude, get him a chair, homes. 225 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,070 - Nah, man. 226 00:08:50,836 --> 00:08:52,398 I'm gonna sit gangster. 227 00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:55,168 - But, Carlito, it doesn't look like it's comfortable, man. 228 00:08:55,251 --> 00:08:56,820 Why don't you just sit in the chair? 229 00:08:57,820 --> 00:09:00,006 - I never sit in no chair, ese. 230 00:09:00,089 --> 00:09:01,391 Mm-mm. 231 00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:05,163 You never, ever gonna catch me sitting in no chairs. 232 00:09:05,728 --> 00:09:07,547 - Hey, ese, you know that that's loco, right? 233 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:08,915 - No, man. [Scoffs] 234 00:09:08,998 --> 00:09:10,383 - It's cool, Carlito. 235 00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,051 No one's gonna think you're soft 236 00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,453 if you sit in a chair, homes. - Yeah, yeah. 237 00:09:13,537 --> 00:09:15,220 - We're all sitting in chairs. - Right. 238 00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:17,359 - Bunch of bitch-ass culeros. 239 00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:19,191 - Que? - I don't have no time 240 00:09:19,275 --> 00:09:21,148 to sit in no fucking chair. 241 00:09:22,984 --> 00:09:25,180 - Huh. Okay. 242 00:09:25,929 --> 00:09:27,492 Now that we're all here... 243 00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,236 You know what? But why, though? 244 00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:33,072 Like, it don't make no sense for you to set yourself up 245 00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:34,707 with a rule like that. 246 00:09:34,790 --> 00:09:37,577 - No, it's, like, limiting. - Yeah, limiting. 247 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:38,611 - Limiting. - I mean, sometimes, 248 00:09:38,694 --> 00:09:40,413 people sit in chairs. 249 00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:43,294 - Man, fuck all of you guys with your bitch-ass chairs. 250 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,282 - There. - [Scoffs] 251 00:09:48,771 --> 00:09:52,258 - Okay, Carlito, quit playing and sit in the chair, pendejo. 252 00:09:52,456 --> 00:09:54,041 - No. - Carlito, 253 00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:56,782 we have to have this meeting now, ese. Get up! 254 00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:58,631 - I'm good right here, man. 255 00:09:58,714 --> 00:10:00,399 - You know... - I'm chilling. 256 00:10:00,985 --> 00:10:02,635 Go ahead with your meeting. 257 00:10:02,842 --> 00:10:04,632 - Okay, but you know it's going to be weird. 258 00:10:05,432 --> 00:10:06,915 You don't care that it's going to be weird? 259 00:10:07,022 --> 00:10:08,141 - Weird for you, maybe. 260 00:10:08,224 --> 00:10:10,008 - He doesn't care. Okay. 261 00:10:10,899 --> 00:10:13,780 Okay, homies, so this is what we have to do. 262 00:10:13,993 --> 00:10:15,448 Like, we got to sell more drugs... 263 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:16,783 - [groaning] - And we got to make 264 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,151 more crimes happen. 265 00:10:18,586 --> 00:10:20,711 Roberto, where are we... - [groaning] 266 00:10:21,170 --> 00:10:23,289 - Carlito, you're bleeding, ese! 267 00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:25,958 - [Grunts] Who cares, man? 268 00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:28,979 [Winces] 269 00:10:29,063 --> 00:10:31,464 - Yo, whoa! You just got shanked, man! 270 00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:33,401 We got to pull that out! - Leave it! 271 00:10:33,849 --> 00:10:35,588 I'm chilling, homes. 272 00:10:36,122 --> 00:10:38,721 I don't care about that stupid shank. 273 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:41,974 [Groaning] 274 00:10:42,057 --> 00:10:43,176 [Exhales sharply] 275 00:10:43,259 --> 00:10:44,276 - Carlito. 276 00:10:45,060 --> 00:10:47,013 Carlito, wake up, man! 277 00:10:47,096 --> 00:10:48,614 [Overlapping chatter] 278 00:10:48,697 --> 00:10:49,940 Carlito! 279 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,318 - Hey, don't even bother, ese. 280 00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:53,786 - [Screams] 281 00:10:53,869 --> 00:10:55,244 Oh, Dios m?o! 282 00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:57,494 - I don't need those defibrillators. 283 00:10:58,243 --> 00:11:00,395 I don't even want to come back to life, homes. 284 00:11:00,509 --> 00:11:02,495 - Carlito... - Clear! 285 00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:03,930 - Go back into your body. 286 00:11:04,013 --> 00:11:06,833 - My body's stupid, homes. - What? 287 00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,276 - I'm fine right here on the spirit plane. 288 00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:11,244 Life is for pussies. 289 00:11:11,787 --> 00:11:14,549 [Heavenly singing] 290 00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:17,502 - Oh, my... Carlito. 291 00:11:18,222 --> 00:11:19,707 Carlito, go to the light. 292 00:11:19,836 --> 00:11:21,421 - Nah, I'm good, man. 293 00:11:21,505 --> 00:11:23,091 - Carlito, that's Heaven, man. 294 00:11:23,175 --> 00:11:24,827 - I don't need to go to Heaven, homes. 295 00:11:25,034 --> 00:11:27,565 Heaven is for pussies. - Oh, boy. 296 00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:32,859 - Hello, and welcome to the fifth annual meeting 297 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,861 of the Tallahassee Black Republicans. 298 00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,713 Now, I'm pissed! All: Mm-hmm. 299 00:11:36,979 --> 00:11:38,898 - Royally pissed! All: Mm-hmm. 300 00:11:38,981 --> 00:11:43,252 - Last November, Barack Obama was reelected president, 301 00:11:43,986 --> 00:11:46,873 and the black vote went almost entirely to him! 302 00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,407 [Crowd murmuring] - Dagnabbit. 303 00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:52,156 - We're not getting our message out, obviously. 304 00:11:53,085 --> 00:11:55,715 The Republican party is and should be 305 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,171 the only home for black voters. - Yes, yes, sir. 306 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,739 - Now, people think that black voters are a monolith. 307 00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,153 [Scoffs] We're not a monolith. 308 00:12:04,237 --> 00:12:05,558 - What? - No, we're not. 309 00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:07,426 - In fact, black Republicans alone 310 00:12:07,509 --> 00:12:09,328 are an extremely diverse group of people. 311 00:12:09,411 --> 00:12:11,063 All: Mm-hmm. 312 00:12:11,146 --> 00:12:12,765 - Now, to speak more on diversity, 313 00:12:12,848 --> 00:12:16,215 I present tonight's speaker... 314 00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:18,437 Mr. Douglas Jackson. 315 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,512 [Applause] 316 00:12:29,598 --> 00:12:32,852 [Applause ends abruptly] 317 00:12:32,935 --> 00:12:34,387 - Now, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, I'm pissed! 318 00:12:34,470 --> 00:12:35,388 All: Mm-hmm. 319 00:12:35,471 --> 00:12:37,360 - I'm royally pissed. All: Mm-hmm. 320 00:12:37,773 --> 00:12:40,634 - The liberal media thinks that Republicanism 321 00:12:40,876 --> 00:12:42,595 is not for black people. All: Mm. 322 00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:45,501 - Now, you tell me, what about fiscal responsibility, 323 00:12:45,981 --> 00:12:48,734 a strong national defense, and a limited government 324 00:12:48,817 --> 00:12:51,079 is unappealing to black people? 325 00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:53,259 We're not a monolith! All: Mm-hmm. 326 00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:55,975 - We come in all different shapes and sizes. 327 00:12:56,058 --> 00:12:57,532 - Yes, we do. All: Mm-hmm. 328 00:12:57,726 --> 00:12:59,645 - Now, who here would like to come up to this podium 329 00:12:59,728 --> 00:13:02,381 and speak about the diversity amongst black Republicans? 330 00:13:02,464 --> 00:13:03,795 - [Clears throat] 331 00:13:04,998 --> 00:13:05,885 - Oh. [Chuckles] 332 00:13:05,968 --> 00:13:07,320 Gentlemen, we have a real treat today, 333 00:13:07,403 --> 00:13:09,748 a gentleman who is a little bit eccentric, 334 00:13:10,205 --> 00:13:13,201 a little bit outside of the box, if you will, 335 00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:16,429 but I can't think of a better person to speak 336 00:13:16,512 --> 00:13:18,631 on diversity amongst black Republicans 337 00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:19,999 than this gentleman right here. 338 00:13:20,082 --> 00:13:21,734 All the way from Orlando, my good friend 339 00:13:21,817 --> 00:13:23,446 Arthur Washington, ladies and gentlemen! 340 00:13:23,530 --> 00:13:27,640 [Applause] 341 00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,008 It's good to see you. It's good to see you. 342 00:13:29,091 --> 00:13:31,143 Good to see you, man. 343 00:13:31,226 --> 00:13:33,612 [Applause] 344 00:13:33,695 --> 00:13:34,914 [Applause ends abruptly] 345 00:13:34,997 --> 00:13:36,811 - Thank you for the introduction, brother Douglas. 346 00:13:37,125 --> 00:13:39,030 - Thank you for being here, brother Arthur. 347 00:13:40,169 --> 00:13:42,854 - However, I am pissed. 348 00:13:42,938 --> 00:13:43,923 [Crowd murmuring agreement] 349 00:13:44,006 --> 00:13:45,490 Royally pissed. 350 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:46,859 - Indeed, indeed! - All right. 351 00:13:46,942 --> 00:13:48,427 - Democrats think they have the right 352 00:13:48,510 --> 00:13:51,330 to all the black people, but that is not the case. 353 00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:53,699 We are not a monolith. [Crowd murmuring agreement] 354 00:13:53,782 --> 00:13:57,870 Democrats may be cool, but they ain't practical. 355 00:13:57,953 --> 00:13:59,038 - There you go. All: Mm-hmm. 356 00:13:59,121 --> 00:14:01,007 - Republicans are practical. 357 00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,876 Black people are practical! 358 00:14:04,256 --> 00:14:06,612 Come to think of it... - Get those pants. 359 00:14:06,695 --> 00:14:09,048 - I think black Republicans are pretty cool. 360 00:14:09,131 --> 00:14:10,316 - So do I. So hear, hear, hear, hear. 361 00:14:10,399 --> 00:14:11,884 - Not to mention very diverse. 362 00:14:11,967 --> 00:14:13,414 - There we go. Mm-hmm. [Door opens] 363 00:14:13,498 --> 00:14:15,855 - Excuse me, gentlemen. Sorry to interrupt. 364 00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:18,691 Someone's white wife is here to pick them up. 365 00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:22,055 [All murmuring] 366 00:14:22,139 --> 00:14:23,529 - Was her name Emily? 367 00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:25,477 - Uh, she was white. - Okay. 368 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,335 [Soul music] 369 00:14:29,418 --> 00:14:31,337 Does anybody here enjoy athletics and sports? 370 00:14:31,420 --> 00:14:32,671 [Cheers and applause] 371 00:14:32,754 --> 00:14:34,974 Something that we find very interesting 372 00:14:35,057 --> 00:14:36,409 is that sometimes the celebrations 373 00:14:36,492 --> 00:14:37,877 after somebody has done something positive 374 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,311 in a sporting event are more violent 375 00:14:39,394 --> 00:14:40,713 than the sport itself. - They're just... 376 00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:42,248 They're so jacked up. - Why is that? 377 00:14:42,331 --> 00:14:44,050 - Yeah! They're so amped up! 378 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,418 - They're crazy. They're just... 379 00:14:45,501 --> 00:14:46,585 - Dudes get amped up! - We did that, man. 380 00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:47,720 - We won that! - We done... yeah. 381 00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:49,255 - We won that! - Yeah, we did. 382 00:14:49,338 --> 00:14:50,523 - We won that, son! - We did that stuff, boy. 383 00:14:50,606 --> 00:14:51,757 - What? What? - We did it, son. 384 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:53,426 We won that, son! - We won that! 385 00:14:53,509 --> 00:14:54,693 They thought we couldn't do it, but we could do it! 386 00:14:54,776 --> 00:14:56,529 - We did it! We did it! - We did it! 387 00:14:56,612 --> 00:14:58,197 - We did it, son! - We did it, yeah! 388 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,266 - We did it, man! 389 00:15:00,349 --> 00:15:02,034 [Both yelling] 390 00:15:02,117 --> 00:15:03,869 - Come on, man. We did it! 391 00:15:03,952 --> 00:15:05,771 We did it! - We did it. 392 00:15:05,854 --> 00:15:09,008 - Silence it. We did it. 393 00:15:09,091 --> 00:15:11,101 We did it. 394 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,523 We did it. Oh. 395 00:15:13,629 --> 00:15:16,215 We did it. 396 00:15:16,298 --> 00:15:19,718 [Cheering and indistinct chatter] 397 00:15:19,801 --> 00:15:22,221 [Laughs] Oh, yeah! 398 00:15:22,304 --> 00:15:24,557 Good victory, guys! Good victory! 399 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:26,759 Hey, hey, come on, good game! Slap-ass, man! 400 00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:27,793 Hey, good game! 401 00:15:27,876 --> 00:15:30,229 Get some slap-ass! [Laughs] 402 00:15:30,312 --> 00:15:32,431 Yeah, guys! Yes, man! 403 00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:35,067 Good game! Slap-ass! 404 00:15:35,150 --> 00:15:36,702 [Laughs] 405 00:15:36,785 --> 00:15:38,651 Hey, who's next? Who... 406 00:15:38,735 --> 00:15:41,474 Hey, Garcia! Come on, man, get you some. 407 00:15:41,557 --> 00:15:43,242 Come on, let's get some slap-ass over here. 408 00:15:43,325 --> 00:15:44,627 - No! 409 00:15:45,460 --> 00:15:46,854 - What? Why... why not? 410 00:15:48,166 --> 00:15:50,619 - I said no, Rafi. 411 00:15:50,703 --> 00:15:52,049 - He's had enough, Rafi. 412 00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:54,455 We've all had enough. 413 00:15:55,671 --> 00:15:57,123 - Enough of what? 414 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:59,448 - Enough of the damn ass-slapping, Rafi. 415 00:15:59,641 --> 00:16:00,893 - Graclas. 416 00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:04,130 - The fucking slap-ass? 417 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,564 - S?, yes. S?. - Mm-hmm. 418 00:16:05,647 --> 00:16:06,924 - [Laughs] 419 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:10,402 Guys, who fucking cares how much I slap ass? 420 00:16:10,485 --> 00:16:12,104 So what? I slap ass! 421 00:16:12,187 --> 00:16:15,441 No big deal, man. I'm a fucking baseball player. 422 00:16:15,524 --> 00:16:18,277 That's what we do. We fucking hit home runs 423 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:21,180 and fucking slap ass. Come on, huh? 424 00:16:21,263 --> 00:16:23,917 - Rafi, that's not how we all see baseball. 425 00:16:24,099 --> 00:16:27,620 - Everybody does it. All the teams slap ass, man. 426 00:16:27,703 --> 00:16:30,022 You... You slap ass, Garcia! 427 00:16:30,105 --> 00:16:31,790 - Like, a couple of times a game. 428 00:16:31,873 --> 00:16:33,537 - [Laughs] 429 00:16:33,775 --> 00:16:35,161 What? So what, man? 430 00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,829 Why the fuck you counting, man? 431 00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:38,998 Who knows how many times I slap ass or how many... 432 00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,138 - 427 times. 433 00:16:44,881 --> 00:16:47,185 - Okay, time flies when you're having fun, man. What... 434 00:16:47,269 --> 00:16:50,037 - Our families come to these games, Rafi. 435 00:16:50,626 --> 00:16:52,444 My son is always asking me 436 00:16:52,527 --> 00:16:54,947 why I'm letting this man touch my butt so many times. 437 00:16:55,030 --> 00:16:57,685 - And you say "slap-ass" every time. 438 00:16:57,769 --> 00:16:59,188 - Every time! 439 00:16:59,272 --> 00:17:00,857 - Okay, hold on one second. 440 00:17:00,941 --> 00:17:02,631 Let's go to the time-out. 441 00:17:03,598 --> 00:17:07,052 I'm from the Dominican Republic, okay? 442 00:17:07,136 --> 00:17:11,257 All I know, since I was a little kid, 443 00:17:11,417 --> 00:17:14,137 is to catch fly balls and to say "slap-ass" 444 00:17:14,221 --> 00:17:17,141 every single time I fucking slap ass! 445 00:17:17,225 --> 00:17:18,875 - This is the Major Leagues, Rafi. 446 00:17:18,959 --> 00:17:21,005 We are all from the Dominican Republic. 447 00:17:21,381 --> 00:17:25,912 Nobody here has ever heard anyone say "slap-ass" 448 00:17:26,261 --> 00:17:27,412 before you. 449 00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,316 - Quit playing, man. Come on, get your slap-ass. 450 00:17:30,399 --> 00:17:32,993 All: Rafi! - Rafi, enough! Okay? 451 00:17:34,670 --> 00:17:38,424 [Gentle music] 452 00:17:38,507 --> 00:17:42,061 - I'm... [sighs] 453 00:17:42,639 --> 00:17:44,053 Okay. 454 00:17:45,853 --> 00:17:47,238 You're right. 455 00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:49,951 I know you're right about it. 456 00:17:52,688 --> 00:17:54,842 I have a problem, okay? 457 00:17:55,386 --> 00:17:57,053 I know that. 458 00:17:58,866 --> 00:18:01,019 And I decide to stop right now. 459 00:18:01,196 --> 00:18:02,491 - Bueno. 460 00:18:03,236 --> 00:18:04,905 - [Sighs] - Graclas. 461 00:18:05,133 --> 00:18:06,785 - Right after I get that Garcia slap-ass. 462 00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:08,387 Come on. All: Hey! 463 00:18:08,470 --> 00:18:09,537 - What? - No, Rafi! 464 00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:11,373 - Hey, come on, eh? 465 00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:13,834 I'm fine, all right? Fine, I get it. 466 00:18:14,890 --> 00:18:16,592 - [Sighs] 467 00:18:17,379 --> 00:18:18,931 [All grunting] - Get up out of here! 468 00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:20,232 - Come on! - Get out of the locker room! 469 00:18:20,315 --> 00:18:21,900 You get out of the locker room! 470 00:18:21,983 --> 00:18:24,139 - You're the only slap-ass that matters, Garcia! 471 00:18:24,223 --> 00:18:26,657 - You are not getting a slap-ass! 472 00:18:29,157 --> 00:18:31,961 - Hey, Garcia, man, can I talk to you for a second? 473 00:18:32,045 --> 00:18:33,479 - Oh. - Hold up. 474 00:18:33,562 --> 00:18:35,194 - Hey, Rafi, what's up? 475 00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:39,194 - Oh, man, I just talked to the manager, man. 476 00:18:39,483 --> 00:18:41,420 He says he's going to trade me, man. 477 00:18:41,503 --> 00:18:45,076 I mean, what the hell, you know? I got kids too, right? 478 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:46,991 - Yeah, well, we all told you what was going to happen 479 00:18:47,075 --> 00:18:48,256 if you... - Hey. 480 00:18:48,340 --> 00:18:51,330 [Breathing heavily] 481 00:18:51,413 --> 00:18:53,732 I really could use that one slap-ass, man. 482 00:18:53,815 --> 00:18:55,991 - Rafi. - Come on, man. 483 00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:59,772 Just one slap-ass, you know? Just one... 484 00:18:59,855 --> 00:19:02,728 Just for old times' sake, you know? 485 00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:05,638 Get me back on my feet. I really... 486 00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:08,861 Just one for the road, man. I could really use it. 487 00:19:09,898 --> 00:19:12,890 [Breathing heavily] 488 00:19:16,338 --> 00:19:18,171 Okay, okay. 489 00:19:21,109 --> 00:19:22,929 Good game! Slap-ass! [Loud smack] 490 00:19:24,946 --> 00:19:26,131 [Sighs] 491 00:19:26,214 --> 00:19:28,593 - I got to get home to my kids. - Okay. 492 00:19:29,165 --> 00:19:30,475 Oh. 493 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,460 Garcia, man. 494 00:19:33,622 --> 00:19:35,974 I'll suck your dick if you let me slap your ass again. 495 00:19:36,057 --> 00:19:37,960 - No! - [Groans] 496 00:19:39,394 --> 00:19:41,814 Garcia, I'll suck your dick. 497 00:19:41,897 --> 00:19:44,600 [Groaning] 498 00:19:45,397 --> 00:19:48,250 Ohh, slap-ass, slap-ass, slap-ass, slap-ass, slap-ass, 499 00:19:48,334 --> 00:19:50,600 slap-ass, slap-ass, ahh. 500 00:19:53,481 --> 00:19:55,461 [Soul music] 501 00:19:55,544 --> 00:19:59,546 [Upbeat music] 502 00:19:59,630 --> 00:20:01,216 - Welcome to Metta World News. 503 00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,201 In fashion, if you woke up 504 00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:04,876 and there was a 4-inch miniature human 505 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,484 standing on your chest, would you swat them off? 506 00:20:07,568 --> 00:20:09,654 I was really challenged by this question. 507 00:20:09,805 --> 00:20:12,492 I would hope that I'd engage them in conversation. 508 00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:16,347 But in reality, I think I'd be scared of them 509 00:20:16,431 --> 00:20:18,976 and swat them away, which would probably kill them. 510 00:20:19,859 --> 00:20:21,487 Well, that wraps up Metta World News 511 00:20:21,570 --> 00:20:24,617 for this Wednesday, October noise-canceling octagon tire. 512 00:20:24,816 --> 00:20:27,710 I'm Metta World Peace. Good night. 513 00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:31,281 Did I fulfill my contract, Satan? 514 00:20:31,947 --> 00:20:33,165 [Cheers and applause] 515 00:20:33,248 --> 00:20:36,869 - We love you. - Thank you. 516 00:20:36,952 --> 00:20:38,210 Hey, it was a good show, man. - It was a good show! 517 00:20:38,294 --> 00:20:39,704 - We won that show, dog! - Yeah, we did! 518 00:20:39,788 --> 00:20:40,773 - We won that show, baby! - Yeah, we did! 519 00:20:40,856 --> 00:20:42,040 - We won that show! - What? 520 00:20:42,123 --> 00:20:43,909 Both: We won that show! - Come on, son. 521 00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:45,277 - We won the show! - Come on, son. 522 00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:46,545 - We won the show! Bye, bye, bye, bye! 523 00:20:46,628 --> 00:20:48,547 We won the show! - [Growling] 524 00:20:48,630 --> 00:20:52,384 [Both grunting] 525 00:20:52,467 --> 00:20:53,719 - Aah! 526 00:20:53,802 --> 00:20:57,623 [Cheers and applause] 527 00:20:57,706 --> 00:21:00,692 - I'm gonna do my one line here 528 00:21:00,775 --> 00:21:03,107 - Oh, yeah. 529 00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:06,757 - We would have been horrible slaves. 530 00:21:06,841 --> 00:21:08,333 - Oh, yeah. Well, we... 531 00:21:08,416 --> 00:21:10,572 - Terrible slaves. - Well, we... we're... 532 00:21:10,656 --> 00:21:11,975 - Because we're wimps. 533 00:21:12,059 --> 00:21:14,595 - We are wimps. I can't... 534 00:21:14,679 --> 00:21:17,205 Dude, I can't... Pick cotton? I can't pick a sweater. 535 00:21:17,289 --> 00:21:19,578 - Right, yeah. Ripped By mstoll 536 00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:20,632 Resync BluRay by LeRalouf 537 00:21:20,682 --> 00:21:25,232 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39166

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.