All language subtitles for Key And Peele s03e02 East-West Bowl Rap.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil) Download
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian Download
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,968 --> 00:00:03,120 [Overlapping arguing] - No, but I don't care. 2 00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:04,722 - And I'm trying to help people out over here. 3 00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:06,490 - No, no, okay, you know what, Jaqueline? 4 00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:07,958 - No, I don't know. What? 5 00:00:08,041 --> 00:00:09,727 - You need to think about yourself sometimes 6 00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:11,261 before you start insinuating yourself 7 00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:12,296 in other people's business. 8 00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:14,231 - Well, you know what, Deenyce? Ripped By mstoll 9 00:00:14,314 --> 00:00:16,834 I'm gonna insinuate myself whenever and wherever I please, 10 00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:19,188 'cause it's a free country, bitch. 11 00:00:19,272 --> 00:00:20,403 All: Ooh. 12 00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:21,405 - Uh-uh. - Uh-huh. 13 00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:22,573 - Uh-uh. - Uh-huh. 14 00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:24,487 - Uh-uh. Okay. You know what? 15 00:00:24,571 --> 00:00:26,977 - Oh, we doing this? Okay. So we gonna do it here, baby. 16 00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:28,956 - Yeah, we are about to fight now. 17 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:31,253 - Bring it on, then, bitch. Let's go. 18 00:00:31,337 --> 00:00:33,751 - I ain't even playing, 'cause you know what? 19 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,152 Step to me then, go ahead. - I wish you would... 20 00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:36,587 - Step to me. - Step up to me... 21 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:37,955 - No, I would love for you to step to me, 22 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,523 I really would. - Right now, bitch. 23 00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:40,773 But you're just talking. That's the problem. 24 00:00:40,857 --> 00:00:42,776 - I don't even care no more. 25 00:00:42,859 --> 00:00:44,300 - And you're talking now, and that's all you're doing. 26 00:00:44,384 --> 00:00:46,280 - Call me a bitch again. - Oh, yeah? 27 00:00:46,363 --> 00:00:47,681 - Call me a bitch again. - Okay. 28 00:00:47,764 --> 00:00:49,283 - No, see what happens? - Your wish is granted. 29 00:00:49,366 --> 00:00:51,243 - See what happens? I would like to see what happens. 30 00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:54,288 I would love to see what happens. 31 00:00:54,371 --> 00:00:55,656 - Oh, you do? - Oh, absolutely. 32 00:00:55,739 --> 00:00:58,784 So why don't you come and bring it, then, bitch? 33 00:00:58,868 --> 00:01:01,543 All: Oh! - Mm-mm. See, no. 34 00:01:01,627 --> 00:01:04,047 You are riding my last nerve. 35 00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:05,682 And I ain't even playing no more. 36 00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:08,852 I am not even playing no more. 37 00:01:08,935 --> 00:01:11,054 - Oh, it's on? Then let's do something, okay? 38 00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:12,322 You wanna go? 39 00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,457 All: Ooh. - Do something, bitch. 40 00:01:14,540 --> 00:01:15,692 - Uh-uh. 41 00:01:15,775 --> 00:01:17,360 - Huh? There we go. 42 00:01:17,443 --> 00:01:18,828 Let's do something. 43 00:01:18,911 --> 00:01:20,030 - Uh-uh. 44 00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:23,053 - Uh-huh. - Uh-uh. 45 00:01:23,137 --> 00:01:24,834 - It's uh-huh. It's uh-huh. 46 00:01:24,917 --> 00:01:25,795 - Uh-uh. 47 00:01:25,879 --> 00:01:28,186 - Let's do something, bitch. 48 00:01:28,270 --> 00:01:29,350 - What? 49 00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:34,344 [Dramatic music] 50 00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:41,751 51 00:01:41,834 --> 00:01:43,193 All: Oh. 52 00:01:43,277 --> 00:01:45,472 Both: We told you not to mess with us, bitch! 53 00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:53,256 - Y'all just saw that bitch turn into two little girls, right? 54 00:01:53,482 --> 00:01:56,599 [Soul music] 55 00:01:56,682 --> 00:02:04,680 56 00:02:08,576 --> 00:02:10,803 Resync BluRay by LeRalouf 57 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:15,919 [cheers and applause] 58 00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:19,422 Whoo! Whoo! 59 00:02:19,505 --> 00:02:22,692 Yeah. Oh. [Laughs] 60 00:02:22,775 --> 00:02:25,195 - All right. - Thank you. 61 00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:26,363 Thanks for being here, guys. 62 00:02:26,446 --> 00:02:27,964 I'm Keegan-Michael Key. - I'm Jordan Peele. 63 00:02:28,047 --> 00:02:30,300 - And we're Key and Peele. Thank you for coming. 64 00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:31,568 [Cheers and applause] 65 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,603 - All right, well, do you guys know The Super Bowl Shuffle? 66 00:02:33,686 --> 00:02:36,072 You remember that? Some of... 67 00:02:36,155 --> 00:02:37,607 - You weren't born in 1985. Right, exactly. 68 00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:39,376 - Right, it was the '85 Bears. - Mm-hmm. 69 00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:42,045 - Put out this rap video, 70 00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:44,280 just saying how much badasses they were. 71 00:02:44,363 --> 00:02:46,116 - How bad... how badass they were. 72 00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:49,786 - No athlete has ever been able to rap and it sounds good. 73 00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:51,087 It just doesn't happen. - Right. 74 00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:53,823 - There's something about multiple concussions 75 00:02:53,906 --> 00:02:56,091 that just doesn't... 76 00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:57,794 isn't conducive to rhyming well. 77 00:02:57,877 --> 00:02:59,429 - You don't just get to put on the headphones and go, 78 00:02:59,511 --> 00:03:03,165 "Yeah, I gotta live it, s-so I can give it." 79 00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:04,857 - Nope. 80 00:03:04,941 --> 00:03:06,236 We gotta take it from the top 81 00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:07,470 'cause you messed up the line, man. 82 00:03:07,553 --> 00:03:08,638 - Yeah, okay. - Live it, do it. 83 00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:09,906 That's your only line. 84 00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:10,907 - All right. Mm-hmm. - Ready? Go. 85 00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:12,142 - We got do it and... 86 00:03:12,225 --> 00:03:13,576 - No, no. - Gravitate toward it. 87 00:03:13,659 --> 00:03:15,678 - You already... why are you adding "gravitate"? 88 00:03:15,761 --> 00:03:17,147 - Okay. Mm-hmm. - Toquavius... 89 00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:18,915 - Yes, yes. - Can you just say four words? 90 00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:20,183 - Mm-hmm. - And then we're gonna be good? 91 00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:23,702 - Four words! - No, this is just... 92 00:03:27,896 --> 00:03:29,057 Hey, J'Dinkalage? 93 00:03:29,141 --> 00:03:31,076 - Yeah, L'Carpetron? 94 00:03:31,246 --> 00:03:32,935 - Check out Leoz. 95 00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:37,300 I wonder what he's dreaming about. 96 00:03:37,443 --> 00:03:40,870 - He is probably dreaming about what we is gonna do 97 00:03:40,953 --> 00:03:42,373 to the team from the West. 98 00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:45,310 - I wonder. 99 00:03:45,998 --> 00:03:48,945 [Dreamy music] 100 00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:50,780 101 00:03:50,863 --> 00:03:54,551 ['80s hip-hop music] 102 00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:55,985 - T'Variusness 103 00:03:56,068 --> 00:03:57,153 T King for short 104 00:03:57,236 --> 00:03:58,188 I'm a bad mamma jamma 105 00:03:58,271 --> 00:03:59,456 And an awful sport 106 00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:00,523 - Smoochie-Wallace 107 00:04:00,606 --> 00:04:01,756 You can call me Tyroil 108 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,160 Wrapping up rushes like aluminum foil 109 00:04:04,243 --> 00:04:06,362 - McCringleberry, I'm very scary 110 00:04:06,445 --> 00:04:08,531 If I got the ball, you best be wary 111 00:04:08,614 --> 00:04:10,633 - L'Carpetron Dookmarriot 112 00:04:10,716 --> 00:04:13,079 I love the ball so much, I wanna marry it 113 00:04:13,163 --> 00:04:16,038 All: 'Cause the Eastern school's 114 00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:18,641 Gonna beat the fools from the West 115 00:04:18,724 --> 00:04:21,493 - Oh, yeah. 116 00:04:21,994 --> 00:04:23,646 All: Where football's concerned 117 00:04:23,729 --> 00:04:27,417 We gonna show you that we are the best 118 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:30,820 - We are the best 119 00:04:30,903 --> 00:04:33,040 - I'm lbrahim Moizoos 120 00:04:33,124 --> 00:04:35,644 And my rhymes are clean like my name was Dr. Seuss 121 00:04:35,728 --> 00:04:37,726 - Probincrux III, they call me "The Probe" 122 00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:40,230 I can intercept balls with my earlobe 123 00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:42,517 - Shower-Handel, that's my name 124 00:04:42,601 --> 00:04:44,333 Power candle sounds the same 125 00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:45,668 - With Jackmerius, D'squarius 126 00:04:45,751 --> 00:04:46,836 And Javarison-Lamar 127 00:04:46,919 --> 00:04:48,204 Flaxon-Waxon plays sax and 128 00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:50,493 - D'Marcus plays guitar 129 00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:54,204 All: 'Cause the Eastern school's 130 00:04:54,293 --> 00:04:56,613 Gonna beat the fools from the West 131 00:04:57,361 --> 00:04:58,548 - Okay 132 00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,250 Don't you know 133 00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:02,085 All: Where football's concerned 134 00:05:02,168 --> 00:05:05,889 We gonna show you that we are the best 135 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,724 - Indeedy, we are the best 136 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,173 137 00:05:09,257 --> 00:05:10,392 [gasps] 138 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,837 It must have been all a dream. 139 00:05:15,001 --> 00:05:16,134 [Gasps] 140 00:05:16,931 --> 00:05:18,087 Or was it? 141 00:05:18,171 --> 00:05:24,775 142 00:05:25,747 --> 00:05:28,306 - Oh, it's on. 143 00:05:28,999 --> 00:05:33,387 [Hip-hop music] 144 00:05:33,869 --> 00:05:35,931 - What's up, y'all? It's Jefferspin 145 00:05:36,015 --> 00:05:38,453 I'm the big left tackle, gonna help us win 146 00:05:38,537 --> 00:05:40,990 - X-Wing @Aliciousness 147 00:05:41,073 --> 00:05:43,793 I'll use my force to give the East distress 148 00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:45,562 - L'Goodling-Splatt is where it's at 149 00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:48,498 Running through defenders and padding my stats 150 00:05:48,581 --> 00:05:51,134 - Y'all know me, I'm Washingbeard 151 00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:53,803 Catch so many balls, it's a little weird 152 00:05:53,886 --> 00:05:56,806 All: 'Cause you know we gonna win against the East 153 00:05:56,889 --> 00:05:58,308 - Listen what we said 154 00:05:58,391 --> 00:05:59,442 All: We gonna get the most points 155 00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:01,311 And they gonna get the least 156 00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:03,446 - Just trying to calm the voices running through my head 157 00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:06,149 - Back it up, it's Hardunkichud 158 00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:08,751 I hit the QB and make a noise like thud 159 00:06:08,834 --> 00:06:11,087 - Can't block me and all of that jazz 160 00:06:11,170 --> 00:06:13,656 'Cause y'all don't want none of this Ozamataz 161 00:06:13,739 --> 00:06:14,757 The player... 162 00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:16,326 T.J. A.J. 163 00:06:16,409 --> 00:06:17,493 Formerly known... 164 00:06:17,576 --> 00:06:18,928 - [screeches] 165 00:06:19,011 --> 00:06:20,697 [Construction noises] Lewith 166 00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:21,698 - As Mousecop 167 00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:23,299 And Donkey Teeth 168 00:06:23,382 --> 00:06:24,334 I'm the touchdown man 169 00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:25,602 That's Grundelplith 170 00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:26,836 But y'all ain't ready 171 00:06:26,919 --> 00:06:29,189 For my man Dan Smith 172 00:06:29,273 --> 00:06:32,207 - Yo, yo, Smith, Daniel 173 00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:33,676 Other kickers in the league don't hold a candle 174 00:06:33,759 --> 00:06:35,044 Cheerleaders up on my jock and crotch 175 00:06:35,127 --> 00:06:36,179 Those Goddamn baby cocker spaniel 176 00:06:36,262 --> 00:06:37,814 B YU, why you be mad 177 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:39,282 'Cause the bitches wanna get with me? 178 00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:40,587 Got Swisher Sweets and Dutchies 179 00:06:40,671 --> 00:06:42,236 Rolling 'em, so my team can touch these 180 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,006 Hitting field goals blunted, been drunk when I punted 181 00:06:44,090 --> 00:06:46,955 Been, like, a hundred times that I already done it 182 00:06:47,039 --> 00:06:49,559 Oh, shit, see, these haters thought I was playing 183 00:06:49,642 --> 00:06:50,960 Staying away from my face 184 00:06:51,043 --> 00:06:52,462 With all the bullshit they saying 185 00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:54,130 But just remember who you taunting 186 00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:55,498 When you tossing those gauntlets 187 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:58,701 I'm Dan Smith, and the West is getting rowdy like monsters 188 00:06:58,784 --> 00:07:01,142 [all cheer] 189 00:07:02,788 --> 00:07:05,251 [Soul music] 190 00:07:05,335 --> 00:07:06,787 - Question for you. 191 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:10,079 Why do black people love Mafia stuff so much? 192 00:07:10,353 --> 00:07:11,748 We do, right? 193 00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:14,417 - Goodfellas, Godfather. - Godfather. 194 00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:15,885 - Godfather II, God... 195 00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:17,920 Mm, on the third one, but... 196 00:07:18,003 --> 00:07:21,524 - We are very tolerant, considering that Mafia... 197 00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:24,727 mobsters are the most racist people in America. 198 00:07:24,810 --> 00:07:25,862 - Hands down. - Right? 199 00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:27,897 - They say the N-word more than we do. 200 00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:29,332 - Yeah, it's crazy. 201 00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:32,639 - I mean, if you date a mobster's sister, 202 00:07:32,723 --> 00:07:34,370 you will wake up with that bitch's head in your bed. 203 00:07:34,453 --> 00:07:35,905 - That's right. - [Screams] 204 00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:36,939 - They're like 205 00:07:37,022 --> 00:07:38,508 the most cold-blooded people in the world. 206 00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:39,542 - They just don't give a fuck. 207 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:41,778 - They don't. That's their motto. 208 00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:43,746 "I clearly don't care." - You laugh, 209 00:07:43,829 --> 00:07:46,821 but we're gonna get shot after we walk off the stage. 210 00:07:50,645 --> 00:07:51,854 - I'm telling you, Vinny, 211 00:07:51,937 --> 00:07:54,757 no disrespect to your dearly departed grandmother, 212 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,715 but my aunt makes a pasta... forget about it. 213 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,606 - Your aunt lives in this neighborhood? 214 00:08:01,450 --> 00:08:03,466 Seems kind of dangerous. 215 00:08:04,411 --> 00:08:06,348 - What are you, McGruff the Crime Dog? 216 00:08:06,625 --> 00:08:07,922 Come on, we're late already. 217 00:08:10,419 --> 00:08:13,876 - Hey, you... you say she lives in this house here? 218 00:08:14,465 --> 00:08:16,112 - What the fuck's the matter with you, Vinny? 219 00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:17,719 You're being rude. Let's go. 220 00:08:20,879 --> 00:08:23,137 - I'm not trying to be rude. It's... 221 00:08:23,552 --> 00:08:24,604 The lights are off. 222 00:08:24,687 --> 00:08:27,472 Maybe we... Let's come back later. Y... 223 00:08:27,556 --> 00:08:29,409 - Hey, she's probably just taking a nap 224 00:08:29,492 --> 00:08:31,778 after the huge meal she just made for us. 225 00:08:31,861 --> 00:08:32,864 Go in. 226 00:08:37,075 --> 00:08:39,252 - I don't have a key. You should go in first. 227 00:08:39,335 --> 00:08:41,421 - Oh, maron, she said she'd leave it open. 228 00:08:41,637 --> 00:08:44,023 Vinny, stop being such a strunz 229 00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,840 and get in there. 230 00:08:52,197 --> 00:08:53,833 - All right, all right. 231 00:08:53,916 --> 00:08:56,836 [Italian opera music] 232 00:08:56,919 --> 00:09:04,917 233 00:10:22,118 --> 00:10:23,932 - Surprise. 234 00:10:28,110 --> 00:10:29,629 No, I'm good, man. 235 00:10:30,081 --> 00:10:31,190 - You hungry? 236 00:10:32,604 --> 00:10:34,133 - Sure, I could eat. Yeah, man. 237 00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:36,035 Um, what you want? 238 00:10:36,401 --> 00:10:37,870 Pizza? Chinese? 239 00:10:37,953 --> 00:10:39,305 - [Clicks tongue] 240 00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:41,190 Kill that noise, man. 241 00:10:43,956 --> 00:10:45,690 I got a ratatouille. 242 00:10:48,030 --> 00:10:48,948 - Oh, fuck! 243 00:10:49,031 --> 00:10:50,316 That's a rat, dude. 244 00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:51,484 - No, it ain't. 245 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,901 That's a ratatouille, yo. 246 00:10:54,729 --> 00:10:58,391 Hey, Ratatouille, go make my man a sandwich. 247 00:10:58,474 --> 00:11:00,126 Yeah, show him what you got. 248 00:11:00,209 --> 00:11:01,594 [Rat squeaking] 249 00:11:01,677 --> 00:11:04,997 [Rat scampering away] 250 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:06,899 [Kitchen utensils clattering] 251 00:11:07,419 --> 00:11:10,354 - What the fuck, son? You got a rat up in your house? 252 00:11:12,596 --> 00:11:14,432 What this mean? 253 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,510 - I don't know what to say, man. 254 00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:19,245 I got a ratatouille, man. 255 00:11:19,328 --> 00:11:21,514 He a chef just like in all them movies, man. 256 00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:22,782 - No, no r... hey. 257 00:11:22,865 --> 00:11:23,844 There's only... [sighs] 258 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,086 There's only one movie, Levi, all right? 259 00:11:27,169 --> 00:11:28,588 And he's not a ratatouille. 260 00:11:28,671 --> 00:11:31,457 He's a rat, and his name is Remy. 261 00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:33,860 - Potato, potato. - Potato, p... 262 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,595 - I gots myself a ratatouille. 263 00:11:35,678 --> 00:11:36,987 That's all I know. 264 00:11:38,956 --> 00:11:39,966 Order up. 265 00:11:40,049 --> 00:11:42,441 - Damn! Come on, Levi! 266 00:11:47,022 --> 00:11:48,337 - Voil?.�. 267 00:11:49,954 --> 00:11:51,277 - Levi, look at this thing, man. 268 00:11:51,719 --> 00:11:53,713 You see it got bite marks all over it. 269 00:11:54,391 --> 00:11:56,682 - Any good chef has to taste his creation. 270 00:11:56,844 --> 00:12:00,953 - That's rat shit on the sandwich. 271 00:12:01,563 --> 00:12:03,122 - He did make a sandwich, though. 272 00:12:03,205 --> 00:12:05,290 - Oh, hell, no. I'm out. 273 00:12:05,374 --> 00:12:07,069 My dude, you need help. 274 00:12:09,118 --> 00:12:10,329 [Door closes] 275 00:12:10,412 --> 00:12:12,064 [Rat squeaking] 276 00:12:12,147 --> 00:12:15,446 Oh, well, Ratatouille, another negative review. 277 00:12:17,219 --> 00:12:18,914 Maybe you want it, Charlotte's Web. 278 00:12:23,579 --> 00:12:25,044 [Soul music] 279 00:12:25,415 --> 00:12:27,480 Has anybody been racially profiled here? 280 00:12:27,837 --> 00:12:29,382 [Crowd shouting agreement] - Yes. 281 00:12:29,465 --> 00:12:31,626 - Really? - Yes. Yes! 282 00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,419 - That's why we have the glasses on, right? 283 00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:35,688 No, I'm good. I'm one of the nerdy ones here. 284 00:12:35,771 --> 00:12:37,568 Right here. 285 00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:38,891 - Carry on. Carry on. 286 00:12:38,974 --> 00:12:41,093 - Being a black man, it is scary, man. 287 00:12:41,176 --> 00:12:43,262 We can get thrown away for just no reason. 288 00:12:43,345 --> 00:12:44,305 - Yeah, yeah. 289 00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:45,844 - Just be like, I did what to who? 290 00:12:46,005 --> 00:12:48,415 Like, d... but seriously now, what? 291 00:12:48,499 --> 00:12:49,917 What are the charges? 292 00:12:50,045 --> 00:12:51,937 - What did they get you for? - I don't know. 293 00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:54,006 They asked me to come down to the station. 294 00:12:54,089 --> 00:12:55,274 - Oh, really? - Yes. 295 00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:56,576 - I was just... - I came. 296 00:12:56,659 --> 00:12:58,578 I'm a fucking idiot. - I know. 297 00:12:58,661 --> 00:13:00,165 Yeah. 298 00:13:00,596 --> 00:13:02,248 - Are you... is there any Muslim-Americans in the... 299 00:13:02,331 --> 00:13:03,916 [crowd cheers] 300 00:13:03,999 --> 00:13:05,618 - There we go. All right. We're very pleased... 301 00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:07,720 - You guys have it the worst right now, though, right? 302 00:13:07,803 --> 00:13:09,789 They'll just look at your name and see it's [gibberish]. 303 00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:12,133 "All right. Fuck, you go." 304 00:13:21,079 --> 00:13:22,368 Look, Rajid, 305 00:13:22,451 --> 00:13:24,303 I'm gonna make this really nice and easy for you. 306 00:13:24,508 --> 00:13:26,305 I need names, and you're gonna give 'em to me. 307 00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:27,473 - You have to listen to me. 308 00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:29,430 You have to listen to me. 309 00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:32,834 This is all a huge mistake. 310 00:13:32,918 --> 00:13:34,383 - Bullshit! 311 00:13:36,198 --> 00:13:37,617 Department of Homeland Security's 312 00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:40,573 been monitoring your calls for weeks, Rajid. 313 00:13:40,657 --> 00:13:41,787 We got you. 314 00:13:41,870 --> 00:13:43,890 We know about you and your friends. 315 00:13:44,344 --> 00:13:45,825 We know that you're a... 316 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:46,893 - Terrierist. 317 00:13:46,975 --> 00:13:49,665 I am a terrierist. 318 00:13:50,145 --> 00:13:52,932 We... me and my friends, we breed dogs, 319 00:13:53,015 --> 00:13:54,634 specifically terriers. 320 00:13:54,717 --> 00:13:56,936 We write terrierist fiction. 321 00:13:57,019 --> 00:13:59,272 W-we spend a good deal of time 322 00:13:59,355 --> 00:14:02,108 discussing possible future terrierist plots... 323 00:14:02,191 --> 00:14:03,508 [groans] 324 00:14:04,962 --> 00:14:06,312 - Hmm. That's a nice try. 325 00:14:06,605 --> 00:14:07,937 Really is. 326 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,422 But it's bullshit, Rajid! 327 00:14:11,266 --> 00:14:14,008 Come on. Is that the best you got? 328 00:14:14,133 --> 00:14:15,588 Now, come on, I'm listening. 329 00:14:15,671 --> 00:14:17,023 Just tell me. Tell me. 330 00:14:17,285 --> 00:14:19,172 Tell me about this imminent attack. 331 00:14:20,509 --> 00:14:21,994 - What? What? What attack? 332 00:14:22,077 --> 00:14:23,362 I don't know what you're talking about. 333 00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:24,931 - What are you t... What am I talking about? 334 00:14:25,014 --> 00:14:26,499 - I don't... - I don't know, huh? Huh? 335 00:14:26,582 --> 00:14:27,867 I don't know what you're talking about. 336 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,135 - I'm telling you... - No, you don't know? 337 00:14:29,218 --> 00:14:31,037 - I don't know. I don't know. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 338 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,243 June 11th, Rajid! 339 00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:34,941 You spoke of an imminent attack. 340 00:14:35,024 --> 00:14:36,208 - Oh, oh, yes. No. 341 00:14:36,291 --> 00:14:37,610 Listen, that was my friend. 342 00:14:37,693 --> 00:14:40,046 Listen, his dog bit him. - No. 343 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,647 - And I told him, "If you do not train them"... 344 00:14:41,730 --> 00:14:44,116 - No. - "Another terrier attack 345 00:14:44,199 --> 00:14:45,151 is imminent." 346 00:14:45,234 --> 00:14:47,680 [Grunts, coughs] 347 00:14:48,899 --> 00:14:50,954 - So you lied, and you see what happens? 348 00:14:51,485 --> 00:14:52,959 - I'm not... I'm not lying to you. 349 00:14:53,042 --> 00:14:54,860 - Come on, Rajid. I like you. 350 00:14:54,943 --> 00:14:56,563 Let's be friends, huh? 351 00:14:57,469 --> 00:15:00,166 Now, you still haven't explained to me why we found, 352 00:15:00,249 --> 00:15:02,635 on the search engine of your computer, 353 00:15:02,718 --> 00:15:05,805 the words "Target Washington" 49 times. 354 00:15:05,888 --> 00:15:09,075 - That... that is because I was in D.C. for a dog show, 355 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:11,377 and I had to buy a squeezy toy, a birthday card, 356 00:15:11,460 --> 00:15:13,846 and some deodorant all at an affordable price. 357 00:15:13,929 --> 00:15:15,165 - All right. 358 00:15:15,249 --> 00:15:16,716 - You can only do that at Target. 359 00:15:16,799 --> 00:15:17,987 - Yeah, okay. 360 00:15:18,071 --> 00:15:19,485 I see how you wanna play this. 361 00:15:19,568 --> 00:15:21,087 Give me... give me this. - [Groans] 362 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:24,757 - This is not a case of mistaken identity, Rajid, 363 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,026 and you know it! 364 00:15:27,109 --> 00:15:29,729 We've heard the conversations between you and Jafar, 365 00:15:29,812 --> 00:15:32,732 where you're discussing your hatred of American ideals. 366 00:15:32,815 --> 00:15:33,733 - No, no, idols. 367 00:15:33,816 --> 00:15:35,101 American idols! 368 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,436 I hate them. They performed Danclng Queen. 369 00:15:37,519 --> 00:15:40,906 It was a desecration to ABBA, 370 00:15:40,989 --> 00:15:43,088 my favorite band. 371 00:15:43,258 --> 00:15:45,544 - We got you on tape referring to Jafar 372 00:15:45,627 --> 00:15:47,246 as one of the architects of... 373 00:15:47,329 --> 00:15:48,681 - 7-Eleven! 374 00:15:48,764 --> 00:15:51,350 It was 7-Eleven! 375 00:15:51,433 --> 00:15:56,509 Jafar... he designs convenience stores. 376 00:15:57,940 --> 00:16:00,259 - 7-Eleven? [Inhales sharply] 377 00:16:00,342 --> 00:16:01,961 Oh, shit. 378 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:05,631 - Wilson, 65 dogs just attacked the Capitol building. 379 00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:07,804 - Were they terriers? 380 00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:09,201 - How did you know? 381 00:16:09,284 --> 00:16:10,392 - Fuck! 382 00:16:10,486 --> 00:16:12,852 - Praise ABBA. 383 00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:17,977 [Upbeat music] 384 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,945 - Welcome to Metta World News. 385 00:16:20,028 --> 00:16:22,715 In sports, I'd rather eat my hand 386 00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:24,431 than have my penis cut off. 387 00:16:24,700 --> 00:16:27,219 I'd really have to believe someone was gonna cut it off, 388 00:16:27,302 --> 00:16:30,489 but if I did, I could definitely eat my hand. 389 00:16:30,572 --> 00:16:32,992 I know because I had a dream where I did it. 390 00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:34,060 It was horrible. 391 00:16:34,143 --> 00:16:35,705 I ate my whole hand. 392 00:16:36,044 --> 00:16:38,230 Now, that's what you call rhetoric. 393 00:16:38,313 --> 00:16:39,999 Well, that wraps up Metta World News 394 00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:42,735 for this Wednesday, April hurricane slipknot. 395 00:16:42,818 --> 00:16:45,343 I'm Metta World Peace. Good night. 396 00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:52,678 [Soul music] 397 00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:53,813 - We go to the movies together sometimes... 398 00:16:53,896 --> 00:16:56,115 - Yes. - And we very often 399 00:16:56,198 --> 00:16:59,318 find ourselves in these really annoying spots 400 00:16:59,401 --> 00:17:00,920 where the guys in front of us are talking about a movie... 401 00:17:01,003 --> 00:17:02,437 they can't remember a movie. 402 00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:05,524 I've seen people get caught in a crazy, like, vortex. 403 00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:07,026 Talking about... Hey, hey, man. 404 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,461 You know, what's the girl's name? 405 00:17:08,544 --> 00:17:09,695 What's the girl's name? 406 00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:11,597 You know... - She does this? 407 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:12,765 She does this? - She don't do this. 408 00:17:12,848 --> 00:17:15,601 No, she, um... she on a boat. 409 00:17:15,684 --> 00:17:16,702 And then the dude is on the boat. 410 00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:18,037 She's doing it... she doing it. 411 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,638 She got..."I will always... in love"... 412 00:17:19,721 --> 00:17:21,373 - She says, "I will"... - "I'm on the boat." 413 00:17:21,456 --> 00:17:22,508 - Oh, Whitney Houston, Whitney Houston, 414 00:17:22,591 --> 00:17:23,709 Whitney Houston, Whitney Houston. 415 00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:26,512 - No! She's blonde. - Oh, and... Oh, she blonde. 416 00:17:26,595 --> 00:17:28,114 She on the boat, 417 00:17:28,197 --> 00:17:29,882 and then the shark... Jaws, man. Jaws. 418 00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:32,151 Talking about Jaws. - No. 419 00:17:32,234 --> 00:17:34,887 The boat sinks. It crashes and sinks. 420 00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:36,455 - What's it hitting? - It sinks. 421 00:17:36,538 --> 00:17:38,357 It hits a big-ass ice cube, and it sinks. 422 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,693 - Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 423 00:17:40,776 --> 00:17:41,898 Frlday. 424 00:17:41,984 --> 00:17:44,741 - [Laughs] 425 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:49,201 - Damn, she was fly. - She all right. 426 00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:50,970 Yo, man. Can I ask you a question? 427 00:17:51,054 --> 00:17:52,404 - Yeah. What? 428 00:17:52,487 --> 00:17:54,373 - Why everybody messing with the Batmans? 429 00:17:54,456 --> 00:17:58,577 - Psh. See, that's exactly what I've been asking myself. 430 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:00,868 - It don't make no sense. - Why would you do it? 431 00:18:00,952 --> 00:18:02,414 - Why would you do that? 432 00:18:02,497 --> 00:18:04,750 Why would you try and mess with the Batmans? 433 00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,752 - It's futile. - It is. 434 00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:08,254 - Yo, remember, Heath Ledgers tried to. 435 00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:09,755 - Psh. I mean, the Batmans got armor 436 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,090 and be knowing some martial arts... 437 00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:13,265 - [grunting] 438 00:18:13,408 --> 00:18:14,527 [Imitates bullets deflecting] 439 00:18:14,610 --> 00:18:15,761 - Don't work. I got armor. 440 00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:17,396 And then martial arts. - Come on. 441 00:18:17,479 --> 00:18:19,198 - All you got is a purple suit and some pancake makeup. 442 00:18:19,281 --> 00:18:20,266 - It's like, come on, man. 443 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,834 - I mean, come on, man. Batman... 444 00:18:21,917 --> 00:18:24,203 - Why would you... both: Mess with the Batmans? 445 00:18:24,286 --> 00:18:26,105 - That's what I'm saying, man. 446 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:27,506 - Oh, remember when Danny DeVitos tried it? 447 00:18:27,589 --> 00:18:29,108 - Psh. - Start walking around, 448 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:33,184 talking about... [both squawking] 449 00:18:36,498 --> 00:18:38,139 Both: Come on, man. 450 00:18:38,223 --> 00:18:41,353 - I mean, the Batmans is a multibillionaire with a grudge. 451 00:18:41,436 --> 00:18:42,388 You're just a little fat motherfucker 452 00:18:42,471 --> 00:18:43,889 in a tuxedo with a umbrella. 453 00:18:43,972 --> 00:18:45,791 - Exactly, man. - Come on, man. 454 00:18:45,874 --> 00:18:48,460 - It's like a pretend bird can't mess with the Batmans. 455 00:18:48,543 --> 00:18:50,563 - No way. No way. Out of the question, man. 456 00:18:50,646 --> 00:18:51,864 Jim Carreys, though. 457 00:18:51,947 --> 00:18:53,966 - Psh. Jim Carreys, though. 458 00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,568 - Jim Carreys. - Come on. 459 00:18:55,651 --> 00:18:56,735 "Riddle me this. 460 00:18:56,818 --> 00:18:58,866 Riddle me that," mans. 461 00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:01,540 How is Ace Ventura gonna mess with the Batmans? 462 00:19:01,623 --> 00:19:02,575 - Well played. Well played. - How is Ace Ventura... 463 00:19:02,658 --> 00:19:03,913 - Well played. 464 00:19:04,026 --> 00:19:06,045 - "Hey, Batmans. I've come to get you." 465 00:19:06,128 --> 00:19:07,079 - [Imitates whip cracking] 466 00:19:07,162 --> 00:19:08,113 - Aah! - Now, see. 467 00:19:08,196 --> 00:19:10,049 How are you supposed to block a batarang 468 00:19:10,132 --> 00:19:12,718 from going in your butt with a carefully crafted query? 469 00:19:12,801 --> 00:19:14,753 - You cannot. That's how. - It's impossible. 470 00:19:14,836 --> 00:19:16,755 - Hey. Hey, psh. Hey, psh. Hey, psh. 471 00:19:16,838 --> 00:19:18,424 - Michelle Pfeiffers. - Michelle Pfeiffer. 472 00:19:18,507 --> 00:19:21,293 - Michelle Pfeiffers tried to mess with the Batmans. 473 00:19:21,376 --> 00:19:23,462 Michelle Pfeiffers tried to mess with the Batmans. 474 00:19:23,545 --> 00:19:24,930 - Michelle Pfeiffers. 475 00:19:25,013 --> 00:19:26,065 - Michelle Pfeiffers... - Michelle Pfeiffers. 476 00:19:26,148 --> 00:19:27,566 - Tried to mess with the Batman. 477 00:19:27,649 --> 00:19:29,235 - Michelle Pfeiffers. - Michelle Pfeiffers. 478 00:19:29,318 --> 00:19:30,302 - Guess what, Michelle Pfeiffers. 479 00:19:30,385 --> 00:19:31,604 You ain't a real cat! 480 00:19:31,687 --> 00:19:33,339 - Come on. I'll tell you one thing. 481 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,175 Ain't no way you gonna meows with the Batman. 482 00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:38,444 - But what about Arnold Schwarzenegger, though? 483 00:19:38,527 --> 00:19:39,478 What's Arnold Schwarzenegger trying to do? 484 00:19:39,561 --> 00:19:40,613 - Come on, man. 485 00:19:40,696 --> 00:19:42,114 - What is Arnold Schwarzenegger... 486 00:19:42,197 --> 00:19:43,949 Feel the burn. Feel the burn. Feel the burn. 487 00:19:44,032 --> 00:19:45,918 - [Grunting] - It should be in your triceps. 488 00:19:46,001 --> 00:19:47,286 - Come on, man. - Arnold Schwarzenegger... 489 00:19:47,369 --> 00:19:48,921 - You can't turn up the AC 490 00:19:49,004 --> 00:19:50,489 and think that's gonna mess with the Batmans. 491 00:19:50,572 --> 00:19:51,857 - What is it supposed to be doing to the Batman? 492 00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:53,425 Giving the Batmans a cold? - Come on. 493 00:19:53,508 --> 00:19:54,793 - Giving the Batmans a sniffle? 494 00:19:54,876 --> 00:19:56,495 - Man's talking about bat lozenge. 495 00:19:56,578 --> 00:19:59,031 - And you were defeated. Both: Come on, man. 496 00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:00,633 - You know, there is one person, though. 497 00:20:00,716 --> 00:20:02,268 - Oh, no, no, no. Here it come now. 498 00:20:02,351 --> 00:20:03,535 - There is one person who could mess with the Batmans. 499 00:20:03,626 --> 00:20:04,773 - Here it comes right now. 500 00:20:04,857 --> 00:20:05,938 - Mm-hmm. - No, no, no, no, no, no. 501 00:20:06,021 --> 00:20:07,273 - There's one person who could... 502 00:20:07,356 --> 00:20:08,440 - Here it comes right now. 503 00:20:08,523 --> 00:20:11,343 - Did, and shall again mess with the Batmans. 504 00:20:11,426 --> 00:20:12,878 - No, no, no. - Whoo! 505 00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:15,180 - Oh, here it comes. - He trained the Batmans. 506 00:20:15,264 --> 00:20:17,717 He gave the Batmans his skills. 507 00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:19,151 He's a mirror image of the Batmans 508 00:20:19,234 --> 00:20:21,220 in fighting prowess. 509 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,898 I'm talking about... both: Ra's al Ghul! 510 00:20:23,982 --> 00:20:25,224 - That's right, dog, right there. 511 00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:27,059 Talk about straight up Ra's al Ghul, 512 00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:30,663 played by the incomparable... both: Liam Neesons. 513 00:20:30,746 --> 00:20:34,199 - So, even when we are talking about the Batmans... 514 00:20:34,490 --> 00:20:40,443 both: Liam Neesons is my shit 515 00:20:45,093 --> 00:20:46,845 [cheers and applause] 516 00:20:46,928 --> 00:20:48,580 - Praise ABBA! 517 00:20:48,663 --> 00:20:50,182 Good night, everybody. - All right. Thank you. 518 00:20:50,265 --> 00:20:51,750 Good night, guys. 519 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:54,825 [Cheers and applause] 520 00:20:57,272 --> 00:21:00,192 - I'm gonna do my one line here 521 00:21:00,275 --> 00:21:02,266 - Oh, yeah. 522 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:07,150 - Whitey Bulger's, like, 106. - [Laughs] 523 00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:08,948 - "Anybody could kill me at any time." 524 00:21:09,032 --> 00:21:10,120 He doesn't care. - Yeah. 525 00:21:10,204 --> 00:21:11,471 - Just dancing Irish jigs in Boston. 526 00:21:11,555 --> 00:21:12,476 - Oh, my God. 527 00:21:12,660 --> 00:21:14,245 Is that Whitey Bulger or Ray Bolger? 528 00:21:14,329 --> 00:21:16,859 - [Laughs] 529 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,414 - I got him with that one. Ripped By mstoll 530 00:21:19,498 --> 00:21:20,789 Resync BluRay by LeRalouf 531 00:21:20,839 --> 00:21:25,389 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38302

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.