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1
00:00:05,442 --> 00:00:07,140
Good evening,
my fellow Americans.
2
00:00:07,264 --> 00:00:09,554
I'd just to thank you
for your continued faith
3
00:00:09,638 --> 00:00:10,658
in my ability--
4
00:00:11,095 --> 00:00:12,234
(screaming)
We won!
5
00:00:12,318 --> 00:00:14,064
That's my anger translator,
Luther.
6
00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:15,508
Whoo!
7
00:00:15,591 --> 00:00:16,796
Yeah! What's up?
8
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:17,875
Mm mm-mm mm
9
00:00:17,959 --> 00:00:19,070
Mm mm mm-mm
10
00:00:19,266 --> 00:00:21,584
But I want to wish
my opponent, Mitt Romney, well.
11
00:00:22,072 --> 00:00:23,118
He ran a good campaign.
12
00:00:23,202 --> 00:00:24,679
Take that [bleep]
back to the lab, Mitt,
13
00:00:24,787 --> 00:00:25,883
'cause you lost!
14
00:00:25,988 --> 00:00:28,354
And now we move forward
with pressing issues.
15
00:00:28,437 --> 00:00:30,505
We gonna pass Healthcare
again.
16
00:00:30,805 --> 00:00:31,890
Now what, bitches?
17
00:00:32,089 --> 00:00:34,924
While we had huge turnout
from our faithful supporters...
18
00:00:35,019 --> 00:00:36,151
Thank you, black folks!
19
00:00:36,234 --> 00:00:38,664
We made it to two elections
in a row, man!
20
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:39,895
Now how hard was that?
21
00:00:40,035 --> 00:00:42,006
All your votes were crucial
in this victory.
22
00:00:42,089 --> 00:00:43,297
White people
who voted for me,
23
00:00:43,381 --> 00:00:45,528
y'all are all now
honorary black people.
24
00:00:45,611 --> 00:00:47,417
So thank you
for your support.
25
00:00:47,527 --> 00:00:49,853
And [bleep] you
if you tried to [bleep] me!
26
00:00:49,936 --> 00:00:51,208
I mean, you know how much money
they tried to spend
27
00:00:51,291 --> 00:00:51,974
to get rid of this?
28
00:00:52,057 --> 00:00:54,478
Millions, son!
I said millions!
29
00:00:54,562 --> 00:00:56,009
But you couldn't get rid
of a [bleep].
30
00:00:56,093 --> 00:00:57,152
Aw, naw.
31
00:00:57,235 --> 00:00:58,450
Yeah, can't touch this.
32
00:00:58,533 --> 00:00:59,316
Luther.
33
00:00:59,399 --> 00:01:00,552
N... Luther,
what'd I tell you?
34
00:01:00,635 --> 00:01:01,520
No Hammer dancing.
35
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:02,518
Come on, "B"!
36
00:01:02,601 --> 00:01:03,800
We won!
Let's do it, dog!
37
00:01:03,883 --> 00:01:05,836
No, I'm, uh,
I-I-I told you,
38
00:01:05,919 --> 00:01:07,470
I don't want you
doing it wrong.
39
00:01:07,553 --> 00:01:08,803
- Ohh.
- You gotta get it right.
40
00:01:08,886 --> 00:01:09,972
- Ohh!
- If you're gonna do it...
41
00:01:10,055 --> 00:01:11,289
God bless America.
42
00:01:11,379 --> 00:01:12,264
Oh, that's right,
that's right.
43
00:01:12,347 --> 00:01:13,359
Say it, though.
Say it!
44
00:01:13,442 --> 00:01:16,075
Now, I-I-I told you, homeboy,
U can't touch this.
45
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:35,667
Sync & corrections by dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
46
00:01:35,751 --> 00:01:37,452
Resync BluRay by LeRalouf
47
00:01:38,650 --> 00:01:42,175
- Hey! Whoa!
- Hey!
48
00:01:42,258 --> 00:01:43,481
Hey!
49
00:01:43,564 --> 00:01:44,658
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
50
00:01:44,741 --> 00:01:46,249
All right,
all right, all right!
51
00:01:46,332 --> 00:01:47,202
- All right.
- All right.
52
00:01:47,285 --> 00:01:49,368
Thank you so much. Thank you.
I'm Keegan-Michael Key.
53
00:01:49,451 --> 00:01:51,290
- I'm Jordan Peele.
- And this is Key and Peele.
54
00:01:51,373 --> 00:01:52,835
- Thank you...
- Welcome to the show.
55
00:01:52,918 --> 00:01:55,720
- ...for coming out tonight.
- Yes, welcome to the show.
56
00:01:55,878 --> 00:01:57,441
Um, are you guys
sick of politics?
57
00:01:57,524 --> 00:01:58,786
Yeah!
58
00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:01,044
Okay.
59
00:02:01,128 --> 00:02:02,657
Okay.
60
00:02:02,740 --> 00:02:03,846
We're done.
61
00:02:04,046 --> 00:02:05,303
Well, thank God.
62
00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:06,867
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- We are finished for a while.
63
00:02:06,950 --> 00:02:07,555
Anyway...
64
00:02:07,638 --> 00:02:09,897
We have this theory
that these pop stars
65
00:02:09,980 --> 00:02:11,320
that claim that
they party all the time,
66
00:02:11,403 --> 00:02:12,943
- There's no way...
- It's impossible.
67
00:02:13,090 --> 00:02:14,563
That they actually party
that much.
68
00:02:14,646 --> 00:02:15,975
- Can't party full time.
- You can't do that.
69
00:02:16,058 --> 00:02:18,027
But no-one ever writes
a pop song about resting.
70
00:02:18,110 --> 00:02:19,306
Today's the day
71
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:21,933
That I put my head down
and rest
72
00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:23,724
- I mean, it's like...
- Yeah, you don't get that.
73
00:02:23,807 --> 00:02:24,612
Where's that song?
74
00:02:24,696 --> 00:02:26,848
Party, party, party.
You can't party that much.
75
00:02:26,932 --> 00:02:30,077
Nobody can party that much.
You're partying too much,
76
00:02:30,161 --> 00:02:32,347
And it's gotta take a toll
eventually, I'm sick of it!
77
00:02:32,431 --> 00:02:33,831
It will!
(laughter)
78
00:02:47,779 --> 00:02:49,617
Well, tonight
we gonna party
79
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:51,477
Till the party don't stop
80
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,249
And the party don't stop
81
00:02:53,332 --> 00:02:55,962
Because it
keeps on going nonstop
82
00:02:56,045 --> 00:02:57,664
Gonna party all night
83
00:02:57,747 --> 00:03:00,370
Gonna keep
this party going
84
00:03:00,453 --> 00:03:02,420
'Cause the party
won't stop
85
00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:06,106
It's been two straight days
and the party's still going
86
00:03:06,189 --> 00:03:09,949
Two, three, four, five,
six, seven days
87
00:03:10,032 --> 00:03:13,656
Till it's Friday again
and the party keeps going
88
00:03:13,739 --> 00:03:17,297
Party all night
'cause it's an all-night party
89
00:03:17,380 --> 00:03:19,436
Friday night, 9:00 p.m.
90
00:03:19,519 --> 00:03:21,341
Hop in the car,
call my friends
91
00:03:21,424 --> 00:03:22,949
Drinks in the back,
girls up front
92
00:03:23,032 --> 00:03:25,052
We're going to a party,
sending texts
93
00:03:25,135 --> 00:03:28,859
Cell phone rings,
iPad, Facebook, party time
94
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,630
Skin-tight jeans,
Friday night
95
00:03:30,713 --> 00:03:32,111
Dance, dance, dance
96
00:03:32,194 --> 00:03:35,699
'Cause tonight we goin' out
and we ain't comin' back
97
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:39,222
'Cause the party won't stop
and we'll go all night
98
00:03:39,305 --> 00:03:42,767
Friday night, every night,
the party's going down
99
00:03:42,850 --> 00:03:46,827
Down, down, down, down,
down, down, down, down, down
100
00:03:46,910 --> 00:03:48,599
New York City,
L.A., Chicago
101
00:03:48,682 --> 00:03:50,374
Houston, Philly,
San Diego
102
00:03:50,457 --> 00:03:52,042
Phoenix, Austin,
Fort Worth, Boston
103
00:03:52,125 --> 00:03:53,767
Memphis, Denver,
Portland, Vegas
104
00:03:53,850 --> 00:03:55,630
Tucson, Fresno,
Akron, Tampa
105
00:03:55,713 --> 00:03:57,638
Pittsburgh, Newark,
Plano, Lincoln
106
00:03:57,721 --> 00:03:59,002
Lubbock, Durham,
Salem, Dayton
107
00:03:59,085 --> 00:04:00,703
Cities, cities,
cities, cities
108
00:04:00,786 --> 00:04:03,747
'Cause tonight we going out
and we ain't comin' back
109
00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:07,532
'Cause the party won't stop
and we'll go all night
110
00:04:07,721 --> 00:04:10,979
Friday night, every night,
the party's going down
111
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:14,966
Down, down, down, down,
down, down, down, down, down
112
00:04:15,278 --> 00:04:17,004
New York City,
L.A., Chicago
113
00:04:17,087 --> 00:04:18,645
Houston, Philly,
San Diego
114
00:04:18,728 --> 00:04:20,537
Phoenix, Austin,
Fort Worth, Boston
115
00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:22,368
Memphis, Denver,
Portland, Vegas
116
00:04:22,451 --> 00:04:24,063
Tucson, Fresno,
Akron, Tampa
117
00:04:24,146 --> 00:04:25,870
Pittsburgh, Newark,
Plano, Lincoln
118
00:04:25,953 --> 00:04:27,618
Lubbock, Durham,
Salem, Dayton
119
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,353
Cities, cities,
cities, cities
120
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,936
Cities!
121
00:04:31,019 --> 00:04:32,529
Yeah, we're gonna
keep it going
122
00:04:32,612 --> 00:04:34,170
Till the break of
break of dawn
123
00:04:34,253 --> 00:04:37,458
Then we'll just
keep partying all day long
124
00:04:37,541 --> 00:04:41,165
Hot girls, music, dancing,
and bikinis and headphones
125
00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:45,500
Party, party, party, party,
party, party, party, party
126
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:56,312
127
00:04:56,396 --> 00:05:00,334
So tonight we're gonna party
till the party don't stop
128
00:05:01,447 --> 00:05:02,836
- Now go... Look at that.
- What?
129
00:05:02,919 --> 00:05:05,330
- That's amazing.
- He's so good at this.
130
00:05:05,413 --> 00:05:07,617
- Amazing.
- I know, look at your points.
131
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:10,168
Oh! Oh!
132
00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:12,288
Oh!
Nice! Nice!
133
00:05:12,371 --> 00:05:13,960
Yes. Dude.
134
00:05:14,043 --> 00:05:16,812
You have absolutely
mastered this game.
135
00:05:16,939 --> 00:05:19,236
Yeah, well, since,
um, Sheila left,
136
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:22,014
I've been spending
a lot of time playing the game.
137
00:05:22,208 --> 00:05:24,431
- You're doing really good.
- Thank you.
138
00:05:24,514 --> 00:05:26,481
That's why
we're here, man.
139
00:05:26,729 --> 00:05:29,025
Help you get over Sh... her.
140
00:05:29,424 --> 00:05:31,918
And check out this
awesome new game you have!
141
00:05:32,001 --> 00:05:33,252
Yay.
142
00:05:33,335 --> 00:05:35,136
You know, I left something
in another room.
143
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:36,695
Um, excuse me, everyone.
144
00:05:40,333 --> 00:05:42,501
Oh, he still
has the sensors on.
145
00:05:43,446 --> 00:05:44,801
- Oh, look.
- Is that him in his room?
146
00:05:44,884 --> 00:05:47,310
Yeah. You can see him.
That's funny. What is he doing?
147
00:05:48,454 --> 00:05:49,887
Is he... is he on his knees?
148
00:05:49,988 --> 00:05:52,960
- Did he drop to his knees?
- Oh, n...
149
00:05:53,043 --> 00:05:54,109
- Oh...
- That... that...
150
00:05:54,192 --> 00:05:55,365
He's probably looking for...
151
00:05:55,448 --> 00:05:57,157
No, look.
He's... he's crying.
152
00:05:57,241 --> 00:05:59,743
- He's crying. Oh, no.
- He's just...
153
00:06:00,016 --> 00:06:01,458
- No, no, he's shuddering.
- That's just shaking.
154
00:06:01,541 --> 00:06:03,620
He's shuddering.
Is he fetal?
155
00:06:03,703 --> 00:06:05,691
Yeah, he curled up.
Look at that. He's fetal.
156
00:06:05,774 --> 00:06:08,609
Hey, Craig, buddy.
You all right up there?
157
00:06:08,707 --> 00:06:11,306
Oh, yeah, I'm... I'm... I'm...
I'm coming right out.
158
00:06:13,286 --> 00:06:15,120
Oh, he... um...
159
00:06:15,995 --> 00:06:18,697
Hey, man, you all right?
160
00:06:18,794 --> 00:06:20,745
Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
161
00:06:20,828 --> 00:06:23,109
It's just, uh, my sinuses...
(sniffs) are acting up. Yeah.
162
00:06:23,532 --> 00:06:24,735
Yeah, I, um...
163
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,824
I was just... you know, I was
just thinking about Sheila,
164
00:06:26,907 --> 00:06:28,007
and you know what?
165
00:06:28,134 --> 00:06:29,734
I'm... I am totally over her.
166
00:06:29,868 --> 00:06:30,752
- Awesome.
- Awesome.
167
00:06:30,836 --> 00:06:34,385
Let's... hey,
let's get this party started.
168
00:06:34,539 --> 00:06:35,972
Sure.
Oh.
169
00:06:38,584 --> 00:06:39,678
Uh...
170
00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:42,586
I forgot to get rid of this
picture of Sheila. Excuse me.
171
00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:44,837
Hey, maybe leave the sensors
so one of us can play.
172
00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:49,388
Oh, he's dancing.
173
00:06:49,472 --> 00:06:51,831
He's dancing with the photo.
Is he ki...
174
00:06:51,914 --> 00:06:53,206
He's doing...
he's doing this a bunch.
175
00:06:53,289 --> 00:06:54,881
- All right.
- Is he kissing it?
176
00:06:55,345 --> 00:06:56,463
I think he's kissing it.
177
00:06:56,546 --> 00:06:57,637
Know what?
I'm gonna turn this off.
178
00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,960
- 'Cause we don't need to...
- You change it and you die.
179
00:07:00,304 --> 00:07:01,565
He's undoing his buckle.
180
00:07:01,648 --> 00:07:02,980
Look at this.
His pants are coming off.
181
00:07:03,063 --> 00:07:04,117
His pants are coming off.
182
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,393
- Oh, God.
- Yeah.
183
00:07:06,476 --> 00:07:07,871
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
184
00:07:07,954 --> 00:07:09,767
- Okay, that's happening.
- Oh, no, no, no.
185
00:07:09,850 --> 00:07:12,085
- My God.
- Is he... He's...
186
00:07:12,168 --> 00:07:13,400
He is totally on the bed.
- Yeah.
187
00:07:13,483 --> 00:07:14,479
He's totally flat
on the bed.
188
00:07:14,562 --> 00:07:16,897
Oh, maybe he's shaking a can...
of hairspray...
189
00:07:16,980 --> 00:07:18,983
- Oh! Oh, God.
- Oh, gross.
190
00:07:22,812 --> 00:07:25,897
We sh... we shouldn't be...
Okay, you know...
191
00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:27,364
Is he reaching down
for his foot?
192
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,716
- I don't...
- That's his foot, isn't it?
193
00:07:28,799 --> 00:07:31,093
- Is that his foot?
- I don't know.
194
00:07:32,138 --> 00:07:34,561
And coming back.
195
00:07:36,411 --> 00:07:37,928
Whew.
196
00:07:39,022 --> 00:07:40,576
I am sorry, everybody.
197
00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,205
Would you like me
to make some snacks?
198
00:07:47,288 --> 00:07:48,566
Wash your hands first?
199
00:07:54,710 --> 00:07:57,232
You know, we both spend
a good deal of time in Chicago,
200
00:07:57,315 --> 00:08:00,555
and, uh, when you go to Chicago,
to Wrigleyville,
201
00:08:00,638 --> 00:08:02,670
The bars around that ar...
Whoo!
202
00:08:02,754 --> 00:08:04,565
- Mm. It's just...
- They're drunk.
203
00:08:04,648 --> 00:08:06,166
- They get [bleep] up.
204
00:08:06,249 --> 00:08:08,635
We saw one time
a string of five women,
205
00:08:08,718 --> 00:08:10,292
And there was a woman,
like, hanging on...
206
00:08:10,375 --> 00:08:12,517
It was like woman, woman,
woman, woman, Raggedy Ann doll.
207
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:13,786
It was just...
208
00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:15,217
She was just,
like, doing this, like...
209
00:08:15,301 --> 00:08:19,490
Anyway, Sophia's never gonna
get back to the car, seriously.
210
00:08:19,818 --> 00:08:21,148
What the [bleep]
am I supposed to...
211
00:08:21,231 --> 00:08:23,071
- She was supposed to be driving!
- Get off me!
212
00:08:23,155 --> 00:08:24,862
I've [bleep]
never driven an Audi.
213
00:08:24,946 --> 00:08:27,077
How do you drive an Audi,
Sophia?
214
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:28,823
Get the [bleep] off of me.
215
00:08:28,906 --> 00:08:30,724
You can't even [bleep]...
fine.
216
00:08:30,807 --> 00:08:33,019
And she... boom.
She drops.
217
00:08:33,125 --> 00:08:33,994
Pretty much.
218
00:08:34,077 --> 00:08:35,959
So this scene
is about that girl.
219
00:08:39,396 --> 00:08:41,540
- Are you kidding me?
- No!
220
00:08:41,652 --> 00:08:43,670
Seriously, you've gotta
come back in the bar right now.
221
00:08:43,753 --> 00:08:44,962
You come back in the bar!
222
00:08:45,045 --> 00:08:46,807
Megan, I don't even
[bleep] know Claire!
223
00:08:46,890 --> 00:08:47,708
Yeah, right!
224
00:08:47,791 --> 00:08:49,366
I'm sorry!
You left your jacket!
225
00:08:49,449 --> 00:08:52,068
Yeah, well, why don't you give it
to your new, fat, ugly girlfriend?
226
00:08:52,151 --> 00:08:54,371
- I haven't even met her yet!
- Whatever!
227
00:08:54,454 --> 00:08:56,194
You left your jacket,
Megan!
228
00:08:56,277 --> 00:08:59,613
- Oh, throw it in a river!
- Why would I [bleep] do that?
229
00:08:59,725 --> 00:09:02,510
- I don't care, I'm over it!
- Fine!
230
00:09:05,934 --> 00:09:07,114
God.
231
00:09:12,878 --> 00:09:14,868
- Megan!
- Leave me alone!
232
00:09:14,951 --> 00:09:16,336
Your jacket, though!
233
00:09:16,419 --> 00:09:18,320
- No!
- Seriously, Megan!
234
00:09:18,661 --> 00:09:20,662
You start buying drinks
for everybody
235
00:09:20,746 --> 00:09:23,354
as soon as she comes over.
I mean, who does that?
236
00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:24,678
Megan,
come back to the bar!
237
00:09:24,761 --> 00:09:28,437
- You're literally an asshole!
- How is that possible?
238
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:31,084
I can't be an asshole.
I got arms and legs and a head!
239
00:09:31,167 --> 00:09:33,721
- Where's my jacket?
- I have your jacket!
240
00:09:33,804 --> 00:09:34,832
- Fine.
- Do you want it?
241
00:09:34,915 --> 00:09:35,441
No!
242
00:09:35,525 --> 00:09:37,065
- You know wha...
- Eat it!
243
00:09:37,149 --> 00:09:37,891
Why would I do that?
244
00:09:37,974 --> 00:09:39,692
You know what?
I'm not following you anymore!
245
00:09:39,775 --> 00:09:40,738
- I'm done!
- Fine! I'm over it!
246
00:09:40,821 --> 00:09:41,644
Fine!
247
00:09:49,786 --> 00:09:52,005
- Megan, come back to the bar.
- No!
248
00:09:52,088 --> 00:09:55,190
- Megan! Megan! Megan!
- Uh-uh! No! Uh-uh!
249
00:09:57,127 --> 00:10:00,176
Megan, do you want
your [bleep] jacket?
250
00:10:00,259 --> 00:10:01,096
No!
251
00:10:01,496 --> 00:10:03,705
Seriously,
come back to the bar.
252
00:10:03,788 --> 00:10:05,386
You go back to the bar.
253
00:10:05,469 --> 00:10:07,040
I'm gonna throw
this jacket in the water.
254
00:10:07,124 --> 00:10:09,822
Oh, nice.
That's really nice.
255
00:10:09,962 --> 00:10:12,125
What do you want me to do,
Megan? Damn!
256
00:10:12,208 --> 00:10:13,794
Kiss my butthole, okay?
257
00:10:13,877 --> 00:10:16,759
Good! Fine! Fine! Then I'm going!
I'm leaving right now!
258
00:10:17,702 --> 00:10:19,111
God damn it!
259
00:10:23,775 --> 00:10:25,668
- Megan!
- No!
260
00:10:25,752 --> 00:10:28,280
- Like, seriously, your jacket!
- No!
261
00:10:28,646 --> 00:10:31,648
- But it's your jacket, though!
- Whatever!
262
00:10:44,274 --> 00:10:46,742
- Megan!
- No!
263
00:10:49,321 --> 00:10:52,693
I have your j...
I have your jacket.
264
00:10:53,962 --> 00:10:55,667
I'm over it!
265
00:10:56,875 --> 00:10:58,324
Seriously, Meg...
266
00:11:16,506 --> 00:11:17,880
You know what I mean?
267
00:11:22,429 --> 00:11:23,992
Why you readin', bitch?
268
00:11:25,114 --> 00:11:27,365
Because I like to read,
and this is a really good book.
269
00:11:27,448 --> 00:11:30,145
You're a really good bitch,
bitch.
270
00:11:30,353 --> 00:11:31,899
Why you gotta
bother me, man?
271
00:11:32,379 --> 00:11:33,351
Because.
272
00:11:33,979 --> 00:11:35,881
I'm not doing
very well in school.
273
00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:37,878
I'm reading
at a third-grade level.
274
00:11:37,961 --> 00:11:40,042
I really don't want
to get left back,
275
00:11:40,135 --> 00:11:42,236
so when I see somebody
reading for fun,
276
00:11:42,632 --> 00:11:44,900
it makes me feel
that much more stupid!
277
00:11:45,128 --> 00:11:46,747
And then I get mad!
278
00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:50,513
Um, I didn't
know that. I...
279
00:11:50,638 --> 00:11:51,961
Thanks so much
for opening up to me...
280
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:55,148
- Shut up, queer!
- I don't understand.
281
00:11:55,231 --> 00:11:56,834
Why... I mean,
why you gotta go there?
282
00:11:58,515 --> 00:12:00,085
I've been having
sexual fantasies
283
00:12:00,168 --> 00:12:01,721
about some of
the other guys at school.
284
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,060
- What?
- Gimme that!
285
00:12:03,772 --> 00:12:06,413
I'm afraid of these feelings
and what they might mean.
286
00:12:06,497 --> 00:12:08,139
It's like, because
I hate myself so much,
287
00:12:08,222 --> 00:12:10,913
I gotta point that hate outward
towards you!
288
00:12:13,378 --> 00:12:15,482
You understand this
on such a deep level that...
289
00:12:15,565 --> 00:12:17,384
- I don't understand [bleep]!
- Whoa!
290
00:12:17,467 --> 00:12:18,927
Now I'm gonna
punish you physically
291
00:12:19,010 --> 00:12:20,471
for acknowledging
my emotional problems!
292
00:12:20,554 --> 00:12:21,340
Wait, wait, wait,
293
00:12:21,423 --> 00:12:23,075
I was gonna say if you
understand yourself so well,
294
00:12:23,158 --> 00:12:25,357
then maybe you should
try working on changing it.
295
00:12:25,441 --> 00:12:26,980
Of course
I want to change it!
296
00:12:27,544 --> 00:12:29,763
But it's the only
defense mechanism I have
297
00:12:29,846 --> 00:12:33,690
against deeper, more terrifying
problems buried inside of me!
298
00:12:38,177 --> 00:12:39,821
You're lucky my Dad's here.
(piano music)
299
00:12:40,681 --> 00:12:42,026
Get in the damn truck, son.
300
00:12:42,125 --> 00:12:44,478
I need to take you home and beat
on you 'cause I hate myself.
301
00:12:44,561 --> 00:12:46,392
And you look like
your mother who left me.
302
00:12:46,735 --> 00:12:49,010
Then I'm gonna block out
the guilt I feel over mistreating you
303
00:12:49,094 --> 00:12:50,288
with a river of vodka.
304
00:12:51,630 --> 00:12:53,005
I'm gonna internalize that
305
00:12:53,088 --> 00:12:55,356
and unknowingly transfer it
onto you tomorrow.
306
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,756
Coming reluctantly.
307
00:13:11,232 --> 00:13:13,281
So Jordan and I...
we, um...
308
00:13:13,364 --> 00:13:15,453
We like global affairs.
309
00:13:15,536 --> 00:13:16,343
I like playing Risk.
310
00:13:16,426 --> 00:13:18,912
Yeah, Risk is a gr...
yeah, mm-hmm, example.
311
00:13:19,042 --> 00:13:20,368
Africa's
very interesting to us.
312
00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:21,844
- Yes, yes.
- We find Africa interesting.
313
00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:23,827
That's... Africa
is perplexing to me
314
00:13:23,911 --> 00:13:25,559
because that is...
that's a place
315
00:13:25,655 --> 00:13:29,403
where you will have the evilest
mother[bleep] walking around,
316
00:13:29,486 --> 00:13:31,071
and they're wearing
a Ducktales shirt.
317
00:13:31,154 --> 00:13:32,354
You're like, wha...
How did he?
318
00:13:33,397 --> 00:13:34,463
Why does he have...
319
00:13:34,546 --> 00:13:36,893
What is going on?
You know, it's just...
320
00:13:36,976 --> 00:13:38,993
It's kind of like America,
if you think about it,
321
00:13:39,076 --> 00:13:40,169
'cause especially
in the '90s,
322
00:13:40,252 --> 00:13:41,718
you walk down the worst
neighborhood in Amer...
323
00:13:41,801 --> 00:13:43,091
You know you are in trouble
324
00:13:43,174 --> 00:13:45,074
if a mother[bleep]
got a Tweety shirt on.
325
00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:46,264
Twee... yeah.
326
00:13:47,682 --> 00:13:50,300
"You come down the wrong
neighborhood, Puddy T."
327
00:13:55,511 --> 00:13:56,876
Commander Bujune!
328
00:13:57,257 --> 00:13:59,491
Our forces
have been devastated.
329
00:13:59,750 --> 00:14:02,331
The enemy is at the edge
of the village.
330
00:14:02,912 --> 00:14:05,246
There are not
many of us left.
331
00:14:05,330 --> 00:14:07,060
Should we surrender?
332
00:14:10,191 --> 00:14:11,893
You may surrender, Jengo.
333
00:14:13,570 --> 00:14:16,245
But I am afraid that is
a luxury I cannot afford.
334
00:14:16,885 --> 00:14:19,459
You have no idea
what they do to warlords.
335
00:14:19,542 --> 00:14:22,848
If they capture me,
they will torture me for weeks.
336
00:14:23,626 --> 00:14:25,336
That is no way to go.
337
00:14:26,264 --> 00:14:30,331
I want you, my most trusted
soldier over the age of eight,
338
00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:32,629
to take my life.
339
00:14:33,379 --> 00:14:36,141
That is my final order.
340
00:14:42,691 --> 00:14:43,536
Aah!
341
00:14:43,619 --> 00:14:44,931
Oh! Oh! Oh! Ow!
342
00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:46,657
Ow! No, do... no!
Aah, stop, stop!
343
00:14:46,740 --> 00:14:48,528
What the hell are you doing?
344
00:14:48,612 --> 00:14:50,456
Haa!
345
00:14:50,822 --> 00:14:52,066
I was trying
to kill you, sir.
346
00:14:52,149 --> 00:14:54,649
Not with this!
There's a gun in the drawer!
347
00:14:54,792 --> 00:14:56,125
Aah!
348
00:14:56,208 --> 00:14:57,340
Oh.
349
00:14:57,423 --> 00:14:58,921
So sorry. Okay.
350
00:14:59,004 --> 00:14:59,770
Amazing.
351
00:14:59,853 --> 00:15:02,527
You missed every
vital organ, Jengo.
352
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,271
- Oh...
- Found it.
353
00:15:04,354 --> 00:15:06,822
All right, now kill me, Jengo.
Hurry, please!
354
00:15:11,897 --> 00:15:13,435
Not in the knee!
355
00:15:13,518 --> 00:15:15,128
I thought you might
want an open casket.
356
00:15:15,211 --> 00:15:17,041
You are an idiot!
357
00:15:17,812 --> 00:15:19,878
Don't say that.
I did try my best.
358
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:22,493
Shoot me in the head,
you imbecile!
359
00:15:24,219 --> 00:15:25,587
God.
360
00:15:26,166 --> 00:15:27,762
Good-bye, commander.
361
00:15:29,039 --> 00:15:31,769
You sorry-ass piece of sh...
(gun clicks)
362
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:37,434
Did you just insult me
as you were about to fire?
363
00:15:38,125 --> 00:15:41,665
Oh, well,
you had insulted me earlier.
364
00:15:41,770 --> 00:15:44,543
I th... I thought
you would be dead.
365
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:47,139
Ah, ooh. So sorry.
366
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:48,318
Ow!
367
00:15:48,402 --> 00:15:50,120
Ow! Ow! Ow!
368
00:15:50,203 --> 00:15:52,614
Stop... stop it!
What the hell are you doing?
369
00:15:52,697 --> 00:15:55,115
The gun is empty.
Would you like I stab you again?
370
00:15:55,198 --> 00:15:56,498
No, no, no! Please!
371
00:15:56,805 --> 00:15:59,601
Jengo, there are bullets!
They are over there!
372
00:15:59,687 --> 00:16:00,753
Okay.
373
00:16:00,841 --> 00:16:04,816
Jengo, please hurry!
I am in agony!
374
00:16:05,883 --> 00:16:07,531
Ow!
375
00:16:07,615 --> 00:16:09,110
What the blazes, man?
376
00:16:09,193 --> 00:16:10,606
I thought
I could kill you very quick.
377
00:16:10,689 --> 00:16:12,730
By hitting you
with that big cooking pot.
378
00:16:12,814 --> 00:16:15,254
Oh, my God, would you please,
I mean, please get it over with?
379
00:16:16,262 --> 00:16:17,429
I did not
find the bullets.
380
00:16:17,512 --> 00:16:18,536
- What?
- But better.
381
00:16:18,620 --> 00:16:19,865
Boiling hot water.
382
00:16:19,948 --> 00:16:21,188
What are you
going to do with...
383
00:16:23,402 --> 00:16:24,700
I surrender!
384
00:16:24,804 --> 00:16:27,205
I am the general
Dominique Bujune!
385
00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:30,535
Commander! Don't go!
They'll torture you!
386
00:16:35,201 --> 00:16:37,963
Well, you guys like, uh...
You guys like Ryan Gosling?
387
00:16:38,645 --> 00:16:39,767
Yeah.
388
00:16:41,202 --> 00:16:44,350
- But dude does not act, though.
- No, that's the thing.
389
00:16:44,433 --> 00:16:46,585
He does not act.
He's not doing anything.
390
00:16:46,668 --> 00:16:48,657
That's his secret
is he's got...
391
00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:50,777
He uses the Kuleshov Effect.
That's the thing.
392
00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:52,453
- Coolest... what?
- The Kuleshov Effect.
393
00:16:52,536 --> 00:16:54,330
It's... it just means
that he doesn't have...
394
00:16:54,413 --> 00:16:56,279
Like, all you have to know
is what the movie's about,
395
00:16:56,362 --> 00:16:57,545
and then he just
has to look like this,
396
00:16:57,628 --> 00:16:59,108
and then you think
he's thinking that.
397
00:16:59,241 --> 00:17:00,366
That's his gift.
398
00:17:00,449 --> 00:17:02,215
You know, it's like... you know...
399
00:17:02,298 --> 00:17:04,934
"In a world where a man
loses his father..."
400
00:17:05,017 --> 00:17:06,417
And then it's
just his face going...
401
00:17:08,047 --> 00:17:10,259
And then you go,
"Oh, man, Ryan Gosling is sad."
402
00:17:10,343 --> 00:17:13,356
Mm, [bleep] hot.
I don't care how he acts.
403
00:17:15,148 --> 00:17:18,215
He can make
all the non-faces he wants.
404
00:17:50,888 --> 00:17:53,610
Okay, man, you know what?
It wasn't my fault, all right?
405
00:17:53,693 --> 00:17:55,814
I-I-I-I had the money
like you said
406
00:17:55,897 --> 00:17:57,643
in a trash bag
in the back of my car,
407
00:17:57,727 --> 00:18:01,233
and I was gonna go
straight to the drop spot.
408
00:18:01,758 --> 00:18:03,194
All right?
409
00:18:10,201 --> 00:18:12,290
No, no... Hol... Okay.
Okay, okay.
410
00:18:12,374 --> 00:18:14,627
Okay, no... no, hey,
hey, hey, hey, man.
411
00:18:14,710 --> 00:18:16,329
There ain't no need for you
to get comfortable.
412
00:18:16,412 --> 00:18:18,475
Okay? Because... because
I'm telling you, man.
413
00:18:18,558 --> 00:18:20,520
What happened
wasn't my fault, all right?
414
00:18:20,603 --> 00:18:24,247
I-I-I-I-I-I drove to
the agreed upon location, man.
415
00:18:24,415 --> 00:18:26,440
Oh... oh, man.
416
00:18:27,609 --> 00:18:29,990
What?
Okay... okay, okay!
417
00:18:30,074 --> 00:18:32,609
Okay, bec... bec... okay.
418
00:18:32,693 --> 00:18:36,743
Because there's no need to have
anything crazy in a paper bag.
419
00:18:36,827 --> 00:18:37,893
I'm telling you.
420
00:18:37,982 --> 00:18:40,426
There's an explanation
for what went down!
421
00:18:41,340 --> 00:18:43,654
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Okay!
422
00:18:43,753 --> 00:18:46,841
Let's calm down now.
Let's calm down, man.
423
00:18:46,925 --> 00:18:48,593
There ain't no need.
424
00:18:48,831 --> 00:18:51,228
Oh, not a juice box?
425
00:18:51,312 --> 00:18:53,223
There ain't no need
to eat a meal
426
00:18:53,307 --> 00:18:55,827
and then do
some crazy [bleep]
427
00:18:55,911 --> 00:18:58,643
With the sandwich container
and the juice box!
428
00:18:59,215 --> 00:19:01,481
Oh, man, come on.
429
00:19:01,564 --> 00:19:04,417
Come on, man.
Just chill out a little bit.
430
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:05,887
Just... you need
to relax, man.
431
00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:07,123
You need to
take it easy and rela...
432
00:19:07,206 --> 00:19:10,593
Oh, [bleep]!
Oh, goddamn!
433
00:19:10,676 --> 00:19:13,020
Now, come on, man!
Don't do it, don't do it!
434
00:19:13,103 --> 00:19:15,229
Don't do it, man! You sh...
come on, man.
435
00:19:15,313 --> 00:19:17,633
Oh, you're eating the sandwich!
You're eating the sandwich.
436
00:19:18,555 --> 00:19:20,976
Oh, man, how you gonna
sandwich me, dog?
437
00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:24,092
How you gonna sandwich me?
Oh, [bleep]!
438
00:19:24,175 --> 00:19:26,181
Okay, look,
it's gettin' crazy now!
439
00:19:26,264 --> 00:19:29,302
It's gotta stop!
It's gotta stop right now, okay?
440
00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:31,559
You cleanin' yourself up before
you do some ill [bleep]?
441
00:19:31,642 --> 00:19:32,628
Come on, man!
442
00:19:32,711 --> 00:19:34,276
What you doin'?
What you wanna know?
443
00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:36,329
What... I'll tell you
whatever you wanna know, man!
444
00:19:36,412 --> 00:19:38,482
Just please stop
this cold-ass [bleep], man!
445
00:19:38,565 --> 00:19:42,352
I'm beggin' you, dog, please.
Oh, [bleep]! No! No, okay!
446
00:19:42,435 --> 00:19:44,054
Look, okay, may... maybe it was
my fault a little bit.
447
00:19:44,137 --> 00:19:45,892
Maybe it was my fault
a little bit, but don't just...
448
00:19:45,975 --> 00:19:47,436
What you gonna do
with that juice box, man?
449
00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:48,551
What're you gonna
do with that j...
450
00:19:48,634 --> 00:19:49,816
What're you gonna
do with the straw?
451
00:19:49,899 --> 00:19:51,760
What're you gonna
do with the straw?
452
00:19:51,935 --> 00:19:53,963
Come on, man, do...
listen, listen.
453
00:19:54,046 --> 00:19:56,085
No, no. No, I did it! I did it!
I did it, okay? I did it!
454
00:19:56,168 --> 00:19:58,552
I did it, I left the car!
I left for three minutes!
455
00:19:58,635 --> 00:20:00,821
So please don't do anything
with the straw!
456
00:20:00,904 --> 00:20:03,328
Why aren't you stopping?
Fine! Fine!
457
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:05,934
Aah!
Aah! Man!
458
00:20:06,017 --> 00:20:09,051
Okay, man!
Ha, ha! I beat you to it!
459
00:20:09,415 --> 00:20:12,971
Okay? I got your point,
all right, man?
460
00:20:13,285 --> 00:20:14,352
Ha!
461
00:20:14,436 --> 00:20:17,489
Oh, man, that's a bitch!
462
00:20:28,729 --> 00:20:31,264
Will we be having any more
problems out of him, sir?
463
00:20:31,825 --> 00:20:32,899
No.
464
00:20:33,788 --> 00:20:37,454
Yeah. That's what
I'm talkin' about.
465
00:20:40,512 --> 00:20:41,980
Seriously, we're done.
466
00:20:42,063 --> 00:20:44,016
So just say good-bye,
Megan.
467
00:20:44,155 --> 00:20:45,208
- No!
- Say it!
468
00:20:45,291 --> 00:20:46,244
Uh-uh!
469
00:20:46,327 --> 00:20:47,651
- Say good-bye!
- No!
470
00:20:47,734 --> 00:20:49,736
Would you [bleep]
say good-bye?
471
00:20:49,820 --> 00:20:51,371
- Get away from me!
- Just say it!
472
00:20:51,454 --> 00:20:53,508
You are literally
an asshole!
473
00:20:53,899 --> 00:20:55,607
Bye, man! Say good-bye!
(cheers and applause)
474
00:20:55,690 --> 00:20:58,391
Sync & corrections by dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
475
00:20:58,474 --> 00:21:01,242
I'm gonna do
my one line here
476
00:21:01,433 --> 00:21:03,459
Oh, yeah.
477
00:21:03,543 --> 00:21:05,244
Resync BluRay by LeRalouf
478
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:09,718
Megan, what do you want me to do
with this *** jacket?
479
00:21:09,813 --> 00:21:11,024
Jaws!
480
00:21:15,859 --> 00:21:17,369
Well that'll show you Megan!
481
00:21:17,453 --> 00:21:19,648
I'm *** going into jaws' mouth.
482
00:21:19,742 --> 00:21:20,694
No you're not!
483
00:21:20,744 --> 00:21:25,294
Repair and Synchronization by
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