All language subtitles for Key And Peele s02e03 Puppy Dog Ice-T.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:19,158 Bro. 2 00:00:19,675 --> 00:00:21,104 What? 3 00:00:22,259 --> 00:00:24,471 Lock 'em. Lock 'em. 4 00:00:24,555 --> 00:00:27,766 Yeah. [bleep] yeah, bro. 5 00:00:27,849 --> 00:00:30,402 - How awesome is this? - It's cool. 6 00:00:31,396 --> 00:00:33,396 [bleep] yeah, it is. 7 00:00:35,377 --> 00:00:38,062 Hit it. Hit it. Hit it. Hit it. Yeah. 8 00:00:38,562 --> 00:00:41,018 Dude... Synchronize. Synchronize. 9 00:00:41,129 --> 00:00:44,262 Yeah, there it is. Now we're doing it. 10 00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:47,758 Now we're doing it. Now we're doing it. 11 00:00:47,842 --> 00:00:51,031 Doing it with my bro Doing it with my bro 12 00:00:51,406 --> 00:00:55,082 I love every second of doing it with my bro 13 00:00:55,368 --> 00:00:58,768 - It's... It's pretty awesome. - Can you believe it? 14 00:00:58,851 --> 00:00:59,915 Can you just...? 15 00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:05,218 Yo. Yo. Right there, man. Just give me five, man. 16 00:01:05,678 --> 00:01:08,071 Give me five, bro. 17 00:01:08,522 --> 00:01:11,446 Come on, that's [bleep] pussy[bleep]. Come on. 18 00:01:12,196 --> 00:01:13,529 Come on. 19 00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:15,511 - Oh, you're with me now. - You know... 20 00:01:15,594 --> 00:01:17,571 - You are with me now. - That's disturbing. 21 00:01:17,654 --> 00:01:19,760 Keep 'em locked. Keep 'em locked. 22 00:01:20,219 --> 00:01:21,910 You ain't going nowhere, bro. 23 00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:23,751 - Mm-mm. - Give it back 24 00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:26,081 Get your... Get... 25 00:01:26,279 --> 00:01:28,274 Aah! Oh! 26 00:01:30,427 --> 00:01:32,680 Dude ! How we gonna break the world record 27 00:01:32,768 --> 00:01:34,407 if you can't keep it up? 28 00:01:50,162 --> 00:01:53,268 Sync & correction by dwigt www.addic7ed.com 29 00:01:53,352 --> 00:01:55,516 Resync BluRay by LeRalouf 30 00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:02,187 Lock it. 31 00:02:02,963 --> 00:02:06,114 Keep it locked. Keep it locked. 32 00:02:09,635 --> 00:02:12,832 - Ew! Shame on you! - Shame on you! 33 00:02:12,916 --> 00:02:15,391 - Shame on all of you! - Shame on you! 34 00:02:17,672 --> 00:02:21,070 Thanks and welcome to the show I am Keegan-Michael Key. 35 00:02:21,153 --> 00:02:23,103 - I am Jordan Peele. - And we are Key and Peele. 36 00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:25,186 So thank you for coming. 37 00:02:29,038 --> 00:02:31,345 I see race in just about... in everything. 38 00:02:31,428 --> 00:02:33,587 - Mm-hm. - Like, I just... I just do that. 39 00:02:33,670 --> 00:02:35,991 Like, if somebody asks, "You want cream in your coffee?" "Why?" 40 00:02:36,075 --> 00:02:39,655 - Yeah. Yeah. - "Why, mother[bleep]? Why would I?" 41 00:02:39,739 --> 00:02:41,889 You ever have a white dude come up to you talking about, 42 00:02:42,002 --> 00:02:44,002 "Hey, man, dude, I know. 43 00:02:44,287 --> 00:02:46,287 "King Kong? That [bleep] is racist." 44 00:02:47,171 --> 00:02:48,628 - Have you had this? - I've had that. 45 00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:50,660 Dude, I was like, "What? Is it racist? I don't even think..." 46 00:02:50,743 --> 00:02:53,416 He's like, "Think about it, man. It's a bunch of white dudes 47 00:02:53,499 --> 00:02:55,861 that go to an island, all these aborigines..." 48 00:02:55,944 --> 00:02:57,944 - I'm like, "Okay." - All right, I'm with you so far, yeah. 49 00:02:59,186 --> 00:03:00,944 "Then a big black gorilla comes 50 00:03:01,027 --> 00:03:03,278 "and starts [bleep] around with white girls in New York." 51 00:03:03,366 --> 00:03:05,238 "Whoa! What the [bleep]? 52 00:03:06,069 --> 00:03:08,406 "That's your [bleep], man! What? 53 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,624 "You're racist, bitch! What the..." 54 00:03:13,489 --> 00:03:15,974 Hey, all I know is it's good having another brother 55 00:03:16,057 --> 00:03:18,816 - move into the neighborhood. - Hey man, it's good to have you over. 56 00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:21,065 And I think that you will dig this. 57 00:03:21,149 --> 00:03:22,691 All right! 58 00:03:24,144 --> 00:03:25,676 - Hey! - Huh? 59 00:03:25,982 --> 00:03:28,348 - Nice guitar collection. - Oh, thanks, man. 60 00:03:28,459 --> 00:03:30,916 - Hey, you wanna hear something? - Yeah, sure. 61 00:03:31,027 --> 00:03:33,344 All right, all right. All right, let's get this started. 62 00:03:33,427 --> 00:03:35,246 Let's get this started. 63 00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:39,545 Well, I'm just a good old American boy 64 00:03:39,628 --> 00:03:42,607 With a heart that's red, white, and true 65 00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:46,851 I'm dreamin' of a girl with the red hair and freckles 66 00:03:47,129 --> 00:03:49,467 And her eyes like the skies of blue 67 00:03:50,220 --> 00:03:52,351 - Country music. - Yeah, I grew up in Texas. 68 00:03:52,434 --> 00:03:54,237 - You know, so... - All right. 69 00:03:54,515 --> 00:03:57,515 Keep her safe from the homies in the wrong side of town 70 00:03:57,596 --> 00:04:02,525 Where they're smoking their reefers and acting like clowns 71 00:04:02,603 --> 00:04:05,502 Keep that pretty white from getting dirty and brown 72 00:04:05,586 --> 00:04:08,939 'cause that's the American way 73 00:04:10,816 --> 00:04:13,464 - Woo-hoo! - Whoas. 74 00:04:14,492 --> 00:04:16,626 Pretty racist song. 75 00:04:16,743 --> 00:04:18,332 Racist? Against who? 76 00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:23,164 - Black people. - Black people? But I'm black. 77 00:04:23,248 --> 00:04:26,443 Well, "keeping the redheaded girl away from the homies 78 00:04:26,526 --> 00:04:28,499 - "on the wrong side of town"? - "Homies"? 79 00:04:28,582 --> 00:04:30,415 Come on, brother. There's all kinds of homies. 80 00:04:30,498 --> 00:04:32,915 You know, white homies, Asian homies... 81 00:04:34,151 --> 00:04:35,637 No, homies are black. 82 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,962 No, I think you're making them black. I think that's your stuff. 83 00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:42,699 You hear the twang, and then you assume that it's racist. 84 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,143 But that's just what country music is like. 85 00:04:45,449 --> 00:04:47,699 Hey, look, you're gonna love this one. You'll like this one. 86 00:04:47,810 --> 00:04:48,679 All right. 87 00:04:51,155 --> 00:04:54,211 Some folks wear their hats way off to the side 88 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,878 With their pants down low and a gun tucked inside 89 00:04:56,962 --> 00:04:59,834 Take their beer by the 40 and their chicken deep-fried 90 00:04:59,917 --> 00:05:03,899 I think we all know who we're talking about 91 00:05:04,514 --> 00:05:07,605 The only dark I like is when I turn off the lights 92 00:05:07,688 --> 00:05:10,548 The only hood I love is pointy and white 93 00:05:10,631 --> 00:05:13,533 Can't trust you if I can't see your face at night 94 00:05:13,616 --> 00:05:16,149 I think we all know who we're talking about 95 00:05:16,445 --> 00:05:20,001 All right, wait. Hey! Stop that. That's racist. 96 00:05:20,251 --> 00:05:21,920 What's what? What is racist about it? 97 00:05:22,059 --> 00:05:25,074 "The only hood I love is pointy and white"? 98 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,967 - Yeah, man. - That's talking about the Klan, man. 99 00:05:28,801 --> 00:05:32,606 The Ku Klux Klan? Are you outside of your mind? 100 00:05:32,690 --> 00:05:35,259 That's traditional country music imagery, man. 101 00:05:35,342 --> 00:05:38,008 Like a pick-up truck, or sleeping under the stars, 102 00:05:38,203 --> 00:05:40,807 or your dog got killed, or your wife left you. Same thing! 103 00:05:40,891 --> 00:05:43,163 I would have been fine with any of those things. 104 00:05:43,246 --> 00:05:45,669 What is the difference between those things and what is in the song? 105 00:05:45,752 --> 00:05:47,042 They're not racial. 106 00:05:47,126 --> 00:05:49,890 Hey, you know what? Can I just say something, man. I'm just gonna be frank. 107 00:05:50,827 --> 00:05:53,131 You're getting a little, like, Al Sharpton, like... 108 00:05:53,215 --> 00:05:55,160 - Oh, my... - Farrakhan on me right now. 109 00:05:55,243 --> 00:05:57,188 Oh, my God. Are you serious? 110 00:05:57,271 --> 00:05:59,978 Yo, dude, dude, please. Hey, can I do one more? 111 00:06:00,061 --> 00:06:01,554 Let me just do one more, dog. 112 00:06:01,811 --> 00:06:04,567 I absolutely promise you that this song 113 00:06:04,834 --> 00:06:06,109 is not racist, 114 00:06:06,248 --> 00:06:09,694 and it's impossible for you to misinterpret it as such. 115 00:06:11,333 --> 00:06:14,976 Okay, it seems like you're about to sing the most racist song so far. 116 00:06:15,143 --> 00:06:16,198 I'm not. 117 00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:20,649 Hidey-lidey-lidey-lidey-lee 118 00:06:20,732 --> 00:06:23,125 Get me a rope and find me a tree 119 00:06:23,403 --> 00:06:25,065 Okay, I'm out. 120 00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:28,180 Come on, man. Hey! Shoot. 121 00:06:28,759 --> 00:06:31,065 I'm over here trying to sing about a tire swing. 122 00:06:32,731 --> 00:06:34,592 Gonna write off an entire genre of music. 123 00:06:35,620 --> 00:06:36,505 (playing guitar) 124 00:06:36,588 --> 00:06:40,225 The banjos are strumming, and the drums are a-bangin' 125 00:06:40,308 --> 00:06:44,038 Let's get the boys together and have ourselves a hangin' 126 00:06:44,121 --> 00:06:45,652 Oh, damn. 127 00:06:46,028 --> 00:06:50,002 Now I see it. Now I see it. 128 00:06:53,475 --> 00:06:54,867 Good evening, my fellow Americans. 129 00:06:54,950 --> 00:06:57,214 With me, as always, is my anger translator, Luther. 130 00:06:57,297 --> 00:06:59,630 - Hi. - Now, after the last debate, 131 00:06:59,741 --> 00:07:02,998 I was criticized for... not showing enough emotion. 132 00:07:03,136 --> 00:07:06,327 I should've been on that stage! Oh, my God! Mitt! 133 00:07:06,410 --> 00:07:09,992 If I was a Siberian tiger, your ass would've been Roy! 134 00:07:10,075 --> 00:07:11,658 Str-r-aight up! 135 00:07:11,825 --> 00:07:14,039 I was faulted for a lack of 136 00:07:14,122 --> 00:07:17,615 "pithy retorts" or "zingers." 137 00:07:17,809 --> 00:07:19,381 But we can do better than that. 138 00:07:19,575 --> 00:07:23,213 Witty responses are not going to resolve this nation's deficit. 139 00:07:23,380 --> 00:07:25,878 How you gonna fire Sesame Street? 140 00:07:25,961 --> 00:07:29,548 One of these mother[bleep] already lives in a trash can! Zing! 141 00:07:29,631 --> 00:07:31,829 And a one-liner is not going to solve 142 00:07:31,912 --> 00:07:33,463 the problems we have with our tax code, 143 00:07:33,546 --> 00:07:37,066 which my opponent seems to have entirely changed his position on. 144 00:07:37,149 --> 00:07:40,535 This mother[bleep] gets more reboots than Spider-Man! 145 00:07:40,662 --> 00:07:42,069 And boom, goes the dynamite. 146 00:07:42,180 --> 00:07:45,457 I look forward to a debate based on substance, 147 00:07:45,683 --> 00:07:47,822 - not on zingers. - I got a Mormon zinger! 148 00:07:47,933 --> 00:07:49,680 "Take my wives, please!" 149 00:07:49,763 --> 00:07:52,623 Ooh-ho-ho, [bleep]! I said "wives." 150 00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:54,368 Thank you, and good night. 151 00:07:54,479 --> 00:07:57,033 This message brought to you by the letter "Suck my" 152 00:07:57,116 --> 00:07:58,856 and the number "[bleep]." 153 00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:02,262 Ohh! 154 00:08:02,346 --> 00:08:04,160 Snap, America. 155 00:08:04,910 --> 00:08:06,050 Snap, indeed. 156 00:08:09,938 --> 00:08:12,664 All right, he knows I won't get dogs because it's basically like, it's like 157 00:08:12,748 --> 00:08:15,007 - buying a new grandparent. - Mm-hm. 158 00:08:15,090 --> 00:08:18,118 You know, you have to... you gotta feed them, you gotta take 'em on walks. 159 00:08:19,451 --> 00:08:22,231 They will look at you in the eyes while they're pooping. 160 00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,815 - I'm with you. - They drool, you know. 161 00:08:28,070 --> 00:08:30,410 [bleep] forgetful as [bleep]. 162 00:08:31,704 --> 00:08:34,881 All my dogs are shelter dogs because purebread dogs 163 00:08:34,964 --> 00:08:36,298 are stupid. 164 00:08:36,381 --> 00:08:37,180 Yeah? 165 00:08:37,263 --> 00:08:40,849 When you mix them, you get a thing that's commonly known as hybrid vigor. 166 00:08:41,238 --> 00:08:44,377 And what happens is all the best qualities of both dogs 167 00:08:44,460 --> 00:08:48,004 go into the one dog. Much like interracial people. 168 00:08:53,653 --> 00:08:55,518 Representing hybrid vigor. 169 00:08:56,915 --> 00:08:58,416 That should be our rap group right there. 170 00:08:58,499 --> 00:09:00,004 We should be "Hybrid Vigor." 171 00:09:00,088 --> 00:09:03,378 Hybrid vigor from a couple of hybrid [bleep]. 172 00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:06,738 Let's get hard. 173 00:09:10,606 --> 00:09:12,079 - Hey, babe. - Hi. 174 00:09:12,522 --> 00:09:15,640 Um, I made a really big decision without consulting you. 175 00:09:16,332 --> 00:09:20,066 I went by a puppy rescue stand 176 00:09:20,149 --> 00:09:21,899 on University Avenue. 177 00:09:22,099 --> 00:09:23,959 I had to. I had to. 178 00:09:24,043 --> 00:09:26,418 - You got us a dog? - Yeah, I did. 179 00:09:26,501 --> 00:09:28,501 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 180 00:09:29,779 --> 00:09:31,696 So, honey, I've gotta tell you something, okay? 181 00:09:32,085 --> 00:09:34,540 These rescue dogs have had some tough situations. 182 00:09:34,623 --> 00:09:36,214 - Oh. - And a lot of them take on 183 00:09:36,297 --> 00:09:38,715 the personality of their owners. 184 00:09:39,270 --> 00:09:40,317 This dog... 185 00:09:40,795 --> 00:09:42,863 was owned by rapper Ice-T. 186 00:09:44,369 --> 00:09:47,137 - All right, little buddy, come on out. - Aww. 187 00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:54,032 Oh, hello, my little darling. Oh! 188 00:09:54,116 --> 00:09:57,869 Man, [bleep] you. You, thuck my [bleep]. 189 00:09:58,369 --> 00:09:59,720 Thith house ain't [bleep]. 190 00:09:59,831 --> 00:10:01,580 Okay, buddy, take it easy. 191 00:10:01,857 --> 00:10:03,857 - A little testy. - [bleep] you, [bleep]. 192 00:10:03,996 --> 00:10:05,996 Nothin' ever been eathy for me in my life. 193 00:10:06,254 --> 00:10:07,580 Now, hook me up with a treat. 194 00:10:07,664 --> 00:10:09,274 - You want a treat, buddy? - You want a treat? 195 00:10:09,357 --> 00:10:11,699 Is that what you want? Here we go, sweetie. Here we go. 196 00:10:12,314 --> 00:10:15,003 Mm, yeah, that's a tathty-ass treat right there. 197 00:10:15,261 --> 00:10:18,275 - Now give me the whole bag. - Okay, one treat is enough. 198 00:10:18,359 --> 00:10:20,324 Bitch, was I talking to you? 199 00:10:21,308 --> 00:10:23,898 Give me the whole bag of treats 'cause I'm a treat killer 200 00:10:23,981 --> 00:10:26,225 and a mother[bleep] handful. 201 00:10:26,670 --> 00:10:29,754 - Somebody's grumpy today. - Grumpy-wumpy. 202 00:10:30,028 --> 00:10:32,824 Lay my ass right up on this comfortable-ass thofa. 203 00:10:32,908 --> 00:10:36,075 (laughs) I'm gonna sleep on this bitch too, as a matter of fact. 204 00:10:36,159 --> 00:10:38,159 And you know what, mother[bleep] and bitch? 205 00:10:38,244 --> 00:10:40,769 - I'm gonna pith and [bip] up here too. - No! Oh, no! No, no, no! 206 00:10:40,852 --> 00:10:43,494 [bleep] you, man. Raise your hand at me. 207 00:10:43,578 --> 00:10:47,793 Okay, um, I've got something for you, little guy. 208 00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:51,417 Huh? Huh? You wanna play fetch? You wanna play fetch? You like fetch, huh? 209 00:10:51,501 --> 00:10:53,140 - Get that ball. - [bleep] you! 210 00:10:53,224 --> 00:10:55,198 Both y'all condescending mother[bleep] 211 00:10:55,282 --> 00:10:57,754 I ain't your entertainment, bitch. So [bleep] you! 212 00:10:59,249 --> 00:11:01,249 - Oh! - Get the door, okay? 213 00:11:03,685 --> 00:11:05,685 Well, hello. Who is this? 214 00:11:06,229 --> 00:11:08,423 Come on, Coco, don't worry about these mother[bleep]. 215 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:09,819 That'th my bitch Coco. 216 00:11:09,932 --> 00:11:12,490 Oh, I forgot to tell y'all, she's gonna be living here too. 217 00:11:12,574 --> 00:11:14,854 Wow, okay, you got your little friend here. 218 00:11:14,939 --> 00:11:16,439 - Yeah... - Yeah, well you can... 219 00:11:16,524 --> 00:11:18,122 She can play here for a while, sure. 220 00:11:18,205 --> 00:11:19,508 - Puppy play date. - Yeah. 221 00:11:19,621 --> 00:11:21,763 Play date? We gonna have a [bleep] date. 222 00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,352 That's what we gonna have, bitch. 223 00:11:23,435 --> 00:11:24,854 Come here, bitch. (sniffing) 224 00:11:24,939 --> 00:11:26,913 - Oh, are you... - That's right 225 00:11:26,996 --> 00:11:28,417 Oh, no, don't do that. 226 00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:30,474 - Yeah, that's my shih tzu. - Oh, dear. 227 00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:33,201 Get the [bleep] out of here. It's about to get graphic in this bitch! 228 00:11:33,313 --> 00:11:35,795 - Oh boy. - How come you don't do that with me? 229 00:11:35,908 --> 00:11:37,489 - Honey, I told you. - He does it. 230 00:11:37,574 --> 00:11:39,491 I just want to keep this area clean. 231 00:11:47,664 --> 00:11:49,470 Baby, baby 232 00:11:49,859 --> 00:11:53,487 it looks like we're back together 233 00:11:53,571 --> 00:11:57,267 And it's like nothing had ever 234 00:11:57,686 --> 00:12:00,410 Torn us apart 235 00:12:02,293 --> 00:12:04,293 Honey, honey 236 00:12:04,571 --> 00:12:07,781 We'll let bygones be bygones 237 00:12:12,044 --> 00:12:14,436 Gonna have a fresh start 238 00:12:17,481 --> 00:12:20,154 So tonight I'm gonna hit that 239 00:12:21,678 --> 00:12:24,859 Tonight I'm gonna hit that hit that 240 00:12:25,331 --> 00:12:29,092 Tonight I'm gonna hit that hit that hit that 241 00:12:29,175 --> 00:12:31,540 And don't try to fight back 242 00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:34,975 Your feelings 243 00:12:35,557 --> 00:12:37,665 Sugar, sugar 244 00:12:37,749 --> 00:12:40,652 Just get into my car 245 00:12:41,706 --> 00:12:44,154 And I'll take you so far 246 00:12:45,263 --> 00:12:49,077 From where anyone can see 247 00:12:50,297 --> 00:12:52,544 Lover, lover 248 00:12:52,740 --> 00:12:55,552 Let's just walk and take it slow 249 00:12:56,134 --> 00:12:59,155 In crowded places so they'll know 250 00:13:00,122 --> 00:13:02,700 That you're back with me 251 00:13:05,638 --> 00:13:08,387 So tonight I'm gonna hit that 252 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,620 Tonight I'm gonna hit that hit that 253 00:13:12,733 --> 00:13:14,925 Tonight I'm gonna hit 254 00:13:24,289 --> 00:13:28,076 I'm sorry. It was an involuntary reaction. 255 00:13:42,711 --> 00:13:44,627 We grew up in this area where... 256 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:47,768 Okay, there was blaxploitation in the '70s, 257 00:13:47,852 --> 00:13:50,634 and then when I was growing up it got into this zone where, 258 00:13:50,717 --> 00:13:53,672 like, all of a sudden, the black guy wasn't the cool guy 259 00:13:53,756 --> 00:13:55,731 - in the action movie anymore. - Oh right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 260 00:13:55,814 --> 00:13:59,039 All of a sudden it was, like, Mel Gibson was the [bleep] cool one. 261 00:13:59,123 --> 00:13:59,728 Right. 262 00:13:59,812 --> 00:14:01,830 And Danny Glover had to be like, you know... 263 00:14:01,915 --> 00:14:04,580 The fuddy-duddy family man, like "Get away from my daughter." 264 00:14:04,663 --> 00:14:05,920 - Right. - You know what I mean? 265 00:14:06,153 --> 00:14:07,503 Do you remember that Lethal Weapon? 266 00:14:07,586 --> 00:14:10,310 My man Mel Gibson would come in on Danny Glover 267 00:14:10,394 --> 00:14:12,394 and my man would be standing in the middle of the bathroom 268 00:14:12,535 --> 00:14:14,404 just embarrassing all black people. 269 00:14:15,924 --> 00:14:17,215 That's right. 270 00:14:17,298 --> 00:14:19,084 Rodge, Rodge, what's going on? 271 00:14:19,168 --> 00:14:20,580 Stay there. Stay there. 272 00:14:20,664 --> 00:14:22,325 Okay, I'm not coming in, Rodge. What's going on? 273 00:14:22,409 --> 00:14:25,131 Riggs, there's a bomb 274 00:14:25,558 --> 00:14:27,558 on my [bleep]. 275 00:14:29,745 --> 00:14:32,110 Gmail is what I'm on now. That's the uh... 276 00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:34,811 Okay, you get the most space for attachments. 277 00:14:35,307 --> 00:14:36,730 - Anyway. - Thank you. 278 00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:38,733 Feel free to hit me up if you remember that number 279 00:14:38,816 --> 00:14:40,503 I noticed you ain't write that down. 280 00:14:42,358 --> 00:14:45,824 Damn, damn, damn. That girl was fly, right? 281 00:14:45,907 --> 00:14:47,231 She all right. 282 00:14:47,314 --> 00:14:50,422 But did you see that Liam Neesons movie with them wolves, though? 283 00:14:50,506 --> 00:14:53,026 The one with them big-assed wolves and Liam Neesons in it? 284 00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:55,246 Man, Liam Neesons is my [bleep]! 285 00:14:55,386 --> 00:14:57,386 Oh, Liam Neesons straight jacked up them wolves, man. 286 00:14:57,471 --> 00:14:59,287 Man, he [bleep] them wolves up, man. 287 00:14:59,370 --> 00:15:00,166 - Yeah. - Shoot, man. 288 00:15:00,249 --> 00:15:02,174 Hey, and don't get even get me started on that one 289 00:15:02,257 --> 00:15:03,600 where they took his daughter. 290 00:15:03,685 --> 00:15:06,464 Straight Tooken, starring Liam Neesons! 291 00:15:06,547 --> 00:15:10,366 Man, Liam Neesons on the phone like, "I have a certain set of skills." 292 00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:11,917 Man, don't [bleep] with Liam Neesons! 293 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,803 No, don't even try and be Russian around Liam Neesons. 294 00:15:13,886 --> 00:15:15,857 - He'll take your arm and... - Put some fractures in it. 295 00:15:16,213 --> 00:15:18,014 They killing him, man. And then... 296 00:15:18,099 --> 00:15:19,456 Oh, you see the second one, though? 297 00:15:19,539 --> 00:15:21,539 In the second one, the Russians come after him. 298 00:15:21,624 --> 00:15:23,234 And he [bleeps] them all up anyway. 299 00:15:23,317 --> 00:15:26,361 Tooken 2, starring the incomparable Liam Neesons. 300 00:15:26,445 --> 00:15:27,680 - Mm-hm. - That's my [bleep]. 301 00:15:27,819 --> 00:15:29,598 - What about Darkman, though? - No, uh. 302 00:15:30,043 --> 00:15:31,880 What about Liam Neesons in some Darkman, though? 303 00:15:31,993 --> 00:15:34,809 - No, man. [bleep]. - What about Darkman? 304 00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:37,171 When Liam Neesons' face was changing up, man? 305 00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:40,032 Homie was straight face-changing. 306 00:15:40,117 --> 00:15:42,544 Now that's just Liam Neesons acting right there, man. 307 00:15:42,627 --> 00:15:46,537 Straight up, I kid you not. Academy-Award caliber. Classic Neesons. 308 00:15:46,620 --> 00:15:50,120 Man, come on, seriously. I mean, like, Neesons already need to have a statue. 309 00:15:50,226 --> 00:15:52,200 - Liam Neesons ain't got no... - He ain't got no statue... 310 00:15:52,283 --> 00:15:53,787 He ain't got a statue. He ain't got a statue. 311 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,904 No, no, no. 312 00:15:58,313 --> 00:16:00,983 The Oscar goes to Liam Neesons, Darkman. 313 00:16:01,068 --> 00:16:02,896 - [bleep] face was changing. - Mm-hm. Word! 314 00:16:02,979 --> 00:16:05,628 - How hard is that. - It ain't hard. It's not hard at all. 315 00:16:05,711 --> 00:16:07,406 - Damn! - It's stupid, man. 316 00:16:07,490 --> 00:16:09,003 Oh, oh! Battleship. 317 00:16:09,199 --> 00:16:13,425 Oooh! 318 00:16:15,234 --> 00:16:17,784 Bat-tle-ship. 319 00:16:17,922 --> 00:16:19,441 Oooh! 320 00:16:19,921 --> 00:16:22,672 - Battleship! - Oooh! Whoo! 321 00:16:22,756 --> 00:16:25,552 Liam Neesons straight killer a robot boat! 322 00:16:25,635 --> 00:16:28,503 Liam Neesons is my shiz-nit! 323 00:16:28,641 --> 00:16:30,136 Whoo! 324 00:16:30,442 --> 00:16:32,897 But do you know who I like as much as Neesons, though? 325 00:16:32,981 --> 00:16:34,878 As much as Neesons? Who? 326 00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:36,701 Bruce Willy. 327 00:16:44,409 --> 00:16:46,397 Bruce Willy is my [bleep]! 328 00:16:46,481 --> 00:16:51,097 But what if they made a movie with Liam Neesons and Bruce Willy? 329 00:16:52,524 --> 00:16:55,263 - Neesons and Willy? - Willy and Neesons. 330 00:16:55,346 --> 00:16:57,346 Harder, man. Harder! 331 00:16:57,459 --> 00:16:59,652 That would be... 332 00:17:00,097 --> 00:17:04,902 My sheeeeeeeee... 333 00:17:08,662 --> 00:17:10,662 - I don't know why. - Oh, man. 334 00:17:10,747 --> 00:17:12,579 Why do we love Liam Neeson so much? 335 00:17:12,662 --> 00:17:15,534 Yo, you know what you gotta... [bleep] Schindler's List, mother[bleep], 336 00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:18,325 Hey man, hey man. Can I tell you what's off the hook, though, dog? 337 00:17:18,408 --> 00:17:21,025 Ethan Frome, that's my jam right there. 338 00:17:21,110 --> 00:17:23,128 You ain't gone to the movies unless you've seen Husbands and Wives. 339 00:17:23,212 --> 00:17:25,441 [bleep] Woody Allen, mother[bleep]. Woody Allen. 340 00:17:30,488 --> 00:17:32,195 So, Steve Jobs. this is like, the... 341 00:17:32,279 --> 00:17:34,226 We're right aroung the year anniversary of his death. 342 00:17:34,309 --> 00:17:35,952 - Mm-hm. - Pioneer. Technological pioneer. 343 00:17:36,035 --> 00:17:37,902 - Can we agree on that? - Yes. 344 00:17:39,260 --> 00:17:43,520 Anybody lose their [bleep] iPad? You lost it? 345 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,357 - I did. - Where did you lose it? 346 00:17:45,441 --> 00:17:46,462 Oakland, California. 347 00:17:46,546 --> 00:17:49,080 - Oh, in Oakland. - In Oakland. Okay. 348 00:17:49,164 --> 00:17:51,164 Oh, so you're never getting it back then. 349 00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:53,664 That's out of the question. 350 00:17:54,113 --> 00:17:56,995 My friend, you didn't lose it. Your ass got jacked, my friend. 351 00:17:57,078 --> 00:17:58,433 That's right. 352 00:18:04,271 --> 00:18:06,077 Mr. Cook, you're almost up. Are you ready? 353 00:18:06,162 --> 00:18:08,050 - Good. I'm good. - Okay. 354 00:18:08,162 --> 00:18:10,084 Really gonna need you to stick to the script on this one. 355 00:18:10,168 --> 00:18:12,956 I'm the C.E.O. of Apple, Willis. I'm not gonna do anything stupid. 356 00:18:13,039 --> 00:18:14,706 Please stop comparing me to Steve Jobs! 357 00:18:14,789 --> 00:18:16,766 No, but nobody's comparing you to Steve Jobs, okay? 358 00:18:16,850 --> 00:18:19,013 We just want you to focus on the products. 359 00:18:19,154 --> 00:18:21,154 And please stick to the script. Okay. 360 00:18:21,238 --> 00:18:22,509 You're on in three... 361 00:18:22,593 --> 00:18:25,344 They're gonna forget they ever heard the name "Steve Jobs". 362 00:18:26,375 --> 00:18:29,579 What up, Apple people? 363 00:18:29,801 --> 00:18:31,196 Yeah! 364 00:18:32,053 --> 00:18:33,227 Yeah! 365 00:18:33,801 --> 00:18:36,745 Well, now, the first thing that I'm gonna do 366 00:18:36,829 --> 00:18:39,457 is T.O.T.S. 367 00:18:39,695 --> 00:18:43,048 "Throw Out The Script." 368 00:18:45,509 --> 00:18:49,235 Now, I'm supposed to come out here 369 00:18:49,319 --> 00:18:52,950 and tell you about some bull[bleep] new iPhone, 370 00:18:53,035 --> 00:18:55,035 pad, dick, pussy [bleep]! 371 00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,120 You've seen it! 372 00:18:57,509 --> 00:18:58,443 Boring! 373 00:18:59,504 --> 00:19:02,594 Yes! That's exactly it. 374 00:19:03,516 --> 00:19:07,059 Now, let's just say this table right here... 375 00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:09,188 Let's say it's Bill Gates, huh?! 376 00:19:11,371 --> 00:19:13,041 Yeah! 377 00:19:17,884 --> 00:19:19,622 That's what I'm talking about. 378 00:19:19,762 --> 00:19:22,649 And let's say that this 379 00:19:22,910 --> 00:19:26,946 is our competitor's new smartphone. 380 00:19:29,604 --> 00:19:32,032 How about that? Huh? What? 381 00:19:34,813 --> 00:19:37,303 I am a major donkey dick. 382 00:19:37,416 --> 00:19:39,751 Whoo! Right? 383 00:19:39,835 --> 00:19:42,028 - And let's say that this right here... - Hey! 384 00:19:42,112 --> 00:19:44,380 this is one of our competitor's 385 00:19:44,464 --> 00:19:46,586 new e-book reader, huh? 386 00:19:46,670 --> 00:19:48,919 What about that? What? Uh-oh. 387 00:19:49,529 --> 00:19:53,110 Tut-tut. Wook's wike wain! 388 00:19:53,389 --> 00:19:54,940 Haaaa! 389 00:19:57,242 --> 00:19:59,242 Whoo! Whoo! 390 00:20:03,918 --> 00:20:05,245 Yeah! 391 00:20:06,347 --> 00:20:07,717 All right! 392 00:20:08,102 --> 00:20:09,276 Yes! 393 00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:12,951 Who wants to see some of that classified next-level [bleep]? Huh? 394 00:20:13,714 --> 00:20:15,997 Did Steve ever show you that classified [bleep]? 395 00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:17,225 No, he didn't. 396 00:20:17,309 --> 00:20:19,283 You can't do that. They haven't been tested yet. 397 00:20:19,366 --> 00:20:22,991 This device will allow you to teleport anywhere 398 00:20:23,075 --> 00:20:25,462 on the planet. Check this out! 399 00:20:25,546 --> 00:20:28,608 I am the Future! 400 00:20:37,074 --> 00:20:38,647 Whoo! 401 00:20:38,872 --> 00:20:41,155 Let's see Steve Jobs do that! 402 00:20:52,465 --> 00:20:54,465 - Good night, everybody. - Good night. 403 00:20:58,230 --> 00:21:01,439 I'm gonna do my one line here 404 00:21:01,523 --> 00:21:03,523 Oh, yeah! 405 00:21:03,659 --> 00:21:05,410 Sync & corrections by dwigt www.addic7ed.com 406 00:21:05,536 --> 00:21:06,731 Here's a thing about dogs. 407 00:21:06,825 --> 00:21:08,489 They smell each other's crotches 408 00:21:08,573 --> 00:21:10,223 to see what gender they are. 409 00:21:10,669 --> 00:21:13,004 Can you imagine a dude walking into a bar 410 00:21:13,088 --> 00:21:14,455 talking 'bout: "Whassup, girl?" 411 00:21:14,567 --> 00:21:16,614 I was noticing you from across the... 412 00:21:17,250 --> 00:21:19,960 - Sorry. - I'm a dude. 413 00:21:20,609 --> 00:21:22,310 Resync BluRay by LeRalouf 414 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:26,910 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 32133

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