Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,134 --> 00:00:02,867
The one who plays Jamie
is not English.
2
00:00:02,950 --> 00:00:03,581
He's not.
3
00:00:03,664 --> 00:00:05,805
I don't know what nationality he is,
but he's definitely not English.
4
00:00:05,888 --> 00:00:06,688
That's amazing.
5
00:00:07,003 --> 00:00:07,841
Whoa!
6
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:11,181
Come on, Max, no.
Bad dog, bad.
7
00:00:11,265 --> 00:00:14,955
I'm so sorry.
I just rescued him from a shelter.
8
00:00:15,914 --> 00:00:18,089
He seems to get really aggressive
towards people
9
00:00:18,172 --> 00:00:20,289
with darker-colored skin.
I'm so sorry.
10
00:00:21,642 --> 00:00:22,720
Don't worry about it.
11
00:00:22,804 --> 00:00:24,490
Yeah, I guess you never know
what they've been through
12
00:00:24,573 --> 00:00:25,552
before you get them.
13
00:00:25,635 --> 00:00:27,689
Yeah, we don't think
that your dog's racist.
14
00:01:03,690 --> 00:01:07,485
Sync & corrections: dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
15
00:01:07,569 --> 00:01:09,970
Resync BluRay by LeRalouf
16
00:01:14,778 --> 00:01:15,844
Whoo!
17
00:01:17,315 --> 00:01:18,536
Welcome!
18
00:01:22,436 --> 00:01:25,657
Oh, my God. Thank you
so much for coming out.
19
00:01:25,740 --> 00:01:28,385
- I am Keegan-Michael Key.
- I am Jordan Peele.
20
00:01:28,468 --> 00:01:29,738
And we are Key and Peele.
21
00:01:29,821 --> 00:01:31,580
So thank you.
22
00:01:35,664 --> 00:01:36,978
Um...
23
00:01:37,685 --> 00:01:39,810
That... that, uh...
just if you were wondering,
24
00:01:39,893 --> 00:01:41,866
- That was a racist dog.
- Actual racist dog.
25
00:01:41,949 --> 00:01:43,036
The dog was actually racist.
26
00:01:43,140 --> 00:01:46,155
Came to the set
with its own [bleep] hood.
27
00:01:46,238 --> 00:01:48,841
Yes. He just...
he slipped right into it.
28
00:01:48,924 --> 00:01:51,393
- It was crazy.
- I wanted to say to that dog so bad
29
00:01:51,476 --> 00:01:53,094
like, "you know you have
brown spots on you?
30
00:01:53,177 --> 00:01:55,380
"You know that?
You know that?"
31
00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:57,733
It was weird. He came...
He was Method, you know,
32
00:01:57,816 --> 00:02:00,028
He [bleep] pissed
on my leg immediately.
33
00:02:00,604 --> 00:02:01,603
I'm telling you...
34
00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:03,599
He thought I was trying
to steal his bone.
35
00:02:03,682 --> 00:02:04,317
Yeah, it was...
36
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,303
But it was... That Jack Russell
was actually the dog from The Artist.
37
00:02:07,386 --> 00:02:09,901
- Mm-hmm, that's right.
- So, he's the most famous racist dog.
38
00:02:09,984 --> 00:02:12,147
He's the Mel Gibson of dogs.
That's who he was.
39
00:02:12,230 --> 00:02:13,797
That's right. That's right.
40
00:02:18,033 --> 00:02:19,227
Do you guys
know dubstep music?
41
00:02:19,310 --> 00:02:21,027
Yeah.
42
00:02:22,052 --> 00:02:24,757
So dubstep music is...
Is it music?
43
00:02:24,844 --> 00:02:26,742
It's not quite mu...
I-I...
44
00:02:26,805 --> 00:02:28,132
When I introduced it to you,
45
00:02:28,195 --> 00:02:30,203
- Yeah.
- I-I thought it blew your mind.
46
00:02:30,287 --> 00:02:33,175
You did blow my mind, because
I thought I was listening to a song,
47
00:02:33,258 --> 00:02:36,177
And then an alien communiqu?
took place in the middle of the song.
48
00:02:36,260 --> 00:02:38,252
If you don't know what dubstep is,
it's like this.
49
00:02:38,336 --> 00:02:40,342
It always... It starts off,
and it's like,
50
00:02:40,504 --> 00:02:44,195
ba na na na wha na na
na na na na
51
00:02:44,279 --> 00:02:48,000
And then a [bleep]...
a dubstep fan will always go,
52
00:02:48,133 --> 00:02:49,949
"Dude, [bleep] wait for it."
53
00:02:54,017 --> 00:02:56,211
- You can't rap to dubstep.
- You can't. No, you can't.
54
00:02:56,642 --> 00:02:58,617
I'm the mother[bleep]
from the...
55
00:03:00,162 --> 00:03:01,496
Uh buh buh buh
56
00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:04,189
I'm the mother[bleep]
on the street
57
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:11,462
So I have finished the kitchen.
58
00:03:11,615 --> 00:03:14,002
I have finished my bedroom.
I have finished the office.
59
00:03:14,086 --> 00:03:15,748
And I'm just wrapping up
the living room.
60
00:03:15,831 --> 00:03:16,823
- Okay.
- So yeah.
61
00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:18,752
- I'll get pack-a-lackin'.
- I love it. I love it.
62
00:03:18,835 --> 00:03:20,853
- Mind if I put on some music?
- I do not. I do not.
63
00:03:20,936 --> 00:03:23,179
All right. I got this new dubstep.
64
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,472
Uh, dubste... What is that?
I don't know what that is.
65
00:03:25,865 --> 00:03:28,181
- Oh, dude, you're gonna love it.
- Oh, cool. Cool, man.
66
00:03:31,951 --> 00:03:33,178
Ooh, I like this.
67
00:03:33,261 --> 00:03:35,903
- Wait for the drop.
- I'm sorry, "the drop"?
68
00:03:45,757 --> 00:03:48,760
- What is happening?
- What?
69
00:03:48,843 --> 00:03:52,015
- What is this?
- I can't hear you!
70
00:03:54,049 --> 00:03:57,029
- What is that?
- The music?
71
00:03:57,309 --> 00:03:59,436
- I'm sorry, is that music?
- Oh, yeah.
72
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,247
Dude, that's the dubstep, man.
That's my jam.
73
00:04:02,435 --> 00:04:05,738
Well, it's... it's a little, uh,
loud and disorienting.
74
00:04:05,821 --> 00:04:08,086
And, you know, you're being
a little rough with my things.
75
00:04:08,169 --> 00:04:10,393
Rough with...?
Dude, your stuff is fine.
76
00:04:10,647 --> 00:04:14,062
- Why am I sweating so much?
- Because you're feelin' it.
77
00:04:14,146 --> 00:04:16,176
- Is that a good thing?
- Yes!
78
00:04:16,981 --> 00:04:19,296
Come on, man.
Just give it another shot.
79
00:04:19,577 --> 00:04:22,175
Okay. Okay.
I will.
80
00:04:44,705 --> 00:04:47,601
Whoa, dude!
You're totally jacking my flow up.
81
00:04:47,685 --> 00:04:49,996
Dude, your nose is bleeding,
and so is mine.
82
00:04:50,911 --> 00:04:52,397
Awesome.
83
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,347
It doesn't really seem
like music to me.
84
00:04:55,359 --> 00:04:58,470
Okay. Wow.
Wally getting a little bit old.
85
00:04:58,554 --> 00:04:59,999
No, don't do that.
Come on.
86
00:05:00,082 --> 00:05:02,006
No. Didn't realize that.
Okay.
87
00:05:02,111 --> 00:05:04,008
Um, yeah, what would you
rather listen to?
88
00:05:04,091 --> 00:05:06,353
I can hook you up with some
Hootie & The Blowfish, if that's your...
89
00:05:06,437 --> 00:05:07,756
- Oh, that's funny.
- Is that good?
90
00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:08,857
Want some Color Me Badd?
91
00:05:08,940 --> 00:05:11,859
You know what? Go ahead.
I don't care. I see what you're doing.
92
00:05:11,943 --> 00:05:14,702
Go ahead and play it. I don't care.
Because I'm not that old.
93
00:05:14,894 --> 00:05:18,547
I can get into it, okay? Let's just
get this stuff packed. Play it!
94
00:05:51,955 --> 00:05:54,694
- I think I'm getting it!
- Yeah!
95
00:05:54,778 --> 00:05:58,302
Ha, ha!
96
00:05:59,661 --> 00:06:02,216
Free at last, free at last,
97
00:06:02,299 --> 00:06:05,482
thank God Almighty,
we are free at last.
98
00:06:14,061 --> 00:06:16,613
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome your next speaker,
99
00:06:16,696 --> 00:06:19,855
the Reverend Robert Jones.
100
00:06:26,017 --> 00:06:27,785
How am I s'posed to follow that?
101
00:06:28,213 --> 00:06:30,372
I can't.
Nobody can follow that.
102
00:06:30,455 --> 00:06:32,074
How am I s...
103
00:06:32,407 --> 00:06:33,866
I can, uh...
104
00:06:34,585 --> 00:06:35,653
Oh.
105
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,134
All right.
106
00:06:39,008 --> 00:06:41,032
Good afternoon.
Um...
107
00:06:42,472 --> 00:06:43,763
That... that is the...
108
00:06:43,846 --> 00:06:47,048
The best speech I've ever heard
in my entire life.
109
00:06:47,923 --> 00:06:51,621
Ever.
I have never heard a better speech.
110
00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:55,361
And now,
it is my turn to speak.
111
00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:58,378
Huh.
112
00:07:00,274 --> 00:07:02,175
Who put this running order
together, right?
113
00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:05,984
You know, um,
Dr. King, uh,
114
00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:09,150
he... he actually covered a lot...
a lot of what I was gonna say.
115
00:07:09,233 --> 00:07:12,625
Um, you know, my...
my speech is, uh, uh...
116
00:07:12,747 --> 00:07:14,114
You gonna
find this funny, y'all.
117
00:07:14,198 --> 00:07:17,956
My speech was actually called, uh,
"A Vision for the Future."
118
00:07:18,191 --> 00:07:20,756
I'm not saying that Dr. King
copied my speech.
119
00:07:20,928 --> 00:07:22,090
I'm...
120
00:07:22,173 --> 00:07:25,399
No! No! No, I'm... I'm...
I'm saying I'm not saying that.
121
00:07:25,482 --> 00:07:27,473
I'm not saying
he tried to copy it.
122
00:07:27,556 --> 00:07:29,706
You... Why don't y'all listen
to what I'm s...
123
00:07:29,864 --> 00:07:31,695
Wow. You know what?
124
00:07:31,778 --> 00:07:32,773
No, come on!
125
00:07:32,856 --> 00:07:37,044
I'm just saying. I'm just saying.
I'm just saying. It's a joke.
126
00:07:37,128 --> 00:07:39,175
Did I not say it
like a joke?
127
00:07:39,657 --> 00:07:40,647
Ok...
128
00:07:42,188 --> 00:07:43,448
No?
129
00:07:44,668 --> 00:07:46,102
Apparently,
I have six more minutes.
130
00:07:52,980 --> 00:07:55,644
Hi, everybody, I'm Dave Stassen
alongside Geoff Worthing.
131
00:07:55,727 --> 00:07:57,991
And welcome to the annual
East/West bowl,
132
00:07:58,074 --> 00:08:01,195
as we get ready to watch some of
the best college players in the nation
133
00:08:01,278 --> 00:08:04,665
Showcase their skills
in a classic showdown
134
00:08:04,748 --> 00:08:06,606
between East and West.
135
00:08:06,761 --> 00:08:08,547
And there really
are some characters
136
00:08:08,630 --> 00:08:10,364
on this year's squads,
aren't there, Geoff?
137
00:08:10,447 --> 00:08:11,957
That's right, Dave.
It does seem
138
00:08:12,048 --> 00:08:14,424
like the most
flamboyant personalities
139
00:08:14,508 --> 00:08:16,927
came to the forefront,
and they are here.
140
00:08:17,010 --> 00:08:19,066
Let's meet the players
from the East.
141
00:08:24,245 --> 00:08:26,808
D'Marcus Williums,
University of Georgia.
142
00:08:27,283 --> 00:08:29,613
T.J. Juckson,
Wayne State University.
143
00:08:30,064 --> 00:08:32,511
T'Variusness King,
Merrimack College.
144
00:08:32,906 --> 00:08:36,683
Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace,
University of Miami.
145
00:08:37,138 --> 00:08:40,457
D'Squarius Green, Jr.,
University of Notre-Dame.
146
00:08:41,014 --> 00:08:44,986
Ibrahim Moizoos, University
of Tennessee at Chattanooga
147
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:49,074
Jackmerius Tacktheritrix,
Michigan State University.
148
00:08:49,567 --> 00:08:53,198
D'Isiah T. Billings-Clyde,
Coastal Carolina University.
149
00:08:53,715 --> 00:08:56,016
D'Jathper Probincrux the Third,
150
00:08:56,530 --> 00:08:58,805
Thouth Carolina Thtate
Univerthity.
151
00:08:59,326 --> 00:09:01,933
Leoz Maxwell Jilliumz,
152
00:09:02,168 --> 00:09:03,747
East Carolina University.
153
00:09:04,450 --> 00:09:06,777
Javaris Jamar Javarison-Lamar,
154
00:09:07,157 --> 00:09:08,891
University of Middle Tennessee.
155
00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:11,199
Davoin Shower-Handel,
156
00:09:11,822 --> 00:09:14,024
University of Southern Mississippi.
157
00:09:14,119 --> 00:09:16,871
Hingle McCringleberry,
Penn State University.
158
00:09:17,428 --> 00:09:19,949
L'Carpetron Dookmarriot,
159
00:09:20,322 --> 00:09:22,198
Florida Atlantic University.
160
00:09:22,901 --> 00:09:26,808
J'Dinkalage Morgoone,
University of South Florida.
161
00:09:26,892 --> 00:09:29,418
Xmus Jaxon Flaxon-Waxon,
162
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:31,716
California University
of Pennsylvania.
163
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,698
We're going to be looking
for big plays all game long
164
00:09:36,781 --> 00:09:39,084
from Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace.
165
00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:40,930
And let's not forget
the tight ends,
166
00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:44,366
Ibrahim Moizoos
and Hingle McCringleberry.
167
00:09:44,449 --> 00:09:46,958
- They've both had amazing seasons.
- That's right, Geoff.
168
00:09:47,041 --> 00:09:48,675
Now let's meet the players
from the west.
169
00:09:53,959 --> 00:09:57,731
Saggitariutt Jefferspin,
Texas A & M.
170
00:09:58,246 --> 00:10:01,415
D'Glester Hardunkichud,
University of Wisconsin.
171
00:10:02,067 --> 00:10:05,514
Swirvithan L'Goodling-Splatt,
Saskatchewan University.
172
00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:09,141
Quatro Quatro,
San Jose State University.
173
00:10:09,964 --> 00:10:13,872
Ozamataz Buckshank,
Stanford University.
174
00:10:14,696 --> 00:10:17,727
Beezer Twelve Washingbeard,
Jones College.
175
00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:20,533
Shakiraquan T.G.I.F. Carter,
176
00:10:20,803 --> 00:10:22,604
University of Northern Arizona.
177
00:10:23,088 --> 00:10:25,524
X-wing @aliciousness,
178
00:10:25,607 --> 00:10:28,008
Missouri Western
State University.
179
00:10:28,355 --> 00:10:31,837
Sequester Grundelplith, M.D.,
Adams State.
180
00:10:32,380 --> 00:10:34,232
Scoish Velociraptor Maloish,
181
00:10:34,315 --> 00:10:36,032
South Dakota State University.
182
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:40,230
T.J. A.J. R.J.
Backslashinfourth the Fifth,
183
00:10:40,523 --> 00:10:41,923
Albion College.
184
00:10:46,041 --> 00:10:47,745
San Diego State University.
185
00:10:48,286 --> 00:10:51,343
Donkey Teeth,
Boise State University.
186
00:10:51,877 --> 00:10:53,012
Torque...
187
00:10:55,626 --> 00:10:57,910
Lewith,
Nevada State...
188
00:10:58,718 --> 00:10:59,806
Penitentiary.
189
00:11:00,269 --> 00:11:03,323
The player formerly known
as mousecop,
190
00:11:04,353 --> 00:11:06,518
University of Missouri,
Columbia.
191
00:11:07,199 --> 00:11:09,500
Dan Smith, B.Y.U.
192
00:11:17,478 --> 00:11:19,723
There's nothing...
Hey... It... Here's the thing.
193
00:11:19,806 --> 00:11:22,164
- We had to do something...
- Yes, we had to.
194
00:11:22,247 --> 00:11:25,851
Because there's an offensive lineman
for the New York Jets...
195
00:11:25,990 --> 00:11:28,963
My man's name is...
D'brickashaw Ferguson.
196
00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:32,330
That is his real name.
197
00:11:32,413 --> 00:11:34,192
His mama named him
D'Brickashaw Ferguson.
198
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:36,827
Someone asked her, "Where'd
his name come from, ma'am?"
199
00:11:36,910 --> 00:11:39,877
And she said, "it's a family name."
Bitch, it ain't no family name.
200
00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:41,260
That is not a family name!
201
00:11:41,343 --> 00:11:44,485
We ain't talking about the "Ferguson."
We talkin' about "D'Brickashaw," bitch!
202
00:11:45,852 --> 00:11:47,836
- Where you get that?
- D'Brickashaw.
203
00:11:48,145 --> 00:11:51,160
There's, like, three different nouns
in your son's first name.
204
00:11:51,243 --> 00:11:52,777
- Come on!
- Come on, now.
205
00:11:52,872 --> 00:11:54,843
Just threw letters
in a bucket, and just went...
206
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,901
- Leodis McKelvin.
- Leodis McKelvin.
207
00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:01,309
What are we, in Middle Earth?
Who is this?
208
00:12:01,392 --> 00:12:03,765
I knew a girl... I knew... Well,
I didn't know... I didn't know her,
209
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:06,423
but I knew about a girl who
went to a school back home.
210
00:12:06,514 --> 00:12:10,106
My girl's name was spelled
L-hyphen-A. "La-dash-A."
211
00:12:10,189 --> 00:12:13,467
- Mm. Mm-mm, mm-mm,
mm-mm, mm-mm.
212
00:12:16,413 --> 00:12:18,143
Let's see here.
Red... Red hills of Georgia.
213
00:12:18,226 --> 00:12:20,027
He, uh, got that out there.
214
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:23,571
Okay, you know what?
215
00:12:23,654 --> 00:12:25,333
All right, here... Here's something...
Here's something new.
216
00:12:25,416 --> 00:12:26,952
Here's something brand new.
217
00:12:27,036 --> 00:12:29,188
How... Okay, this is off,
me talking off the top of my head
218
00:12:29,271 --> 00:12:30,795
here, everybody.
Uh, what...
219
00:12:30,878 --> 00:12:34,671
How about if we let, uh,
black people enslave
220
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:35,921
white people for...
221
00:12:36,004 --> 00:12:38,863
Okay, you know, that sounded a lot
better in my head before I said it.
222
00:12:38,946 --> 00:12:41,888
So that, uh, that wouldn't work.
223
00:12:42,592 --> 00:12:46,212
Is it warm?
Is anybody else warm?
224
00:12:47,594 --> 00:12:48,682
Whoo!
225
00:12:53,423 --> 00:12:55,809
I, uh, I vacuumed
my carpet the other day.
226
00:12:55,923 --> 00:12:58,610
A [bleep] ounce of weed came out
of this mother[bleep].
227
00:12:59,189 --> 00:13:01,982
I have gotten high
walking into your home.
228
00:13:02,065 --> 00:13:03,623
- Yes.
- Simply on the...
229
00:13:03,706 --> 00:13:06,860
I just... I walk into his apartment.
I go straight to the refrigerator.
230
00:13:06,943 --> 00:13:08,145
- I just...
- That's right.
231
00:13:09,306 --> 00:13:11,274
Nah, nah, we're just kidding.
Just kidding. We didnt...
232
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,397
Just kidding... I didn't
vacuum my apartment at all.
233
00:13:16,324 --> 00:13:18,087
Wouldn't do it.
Would never do that.
234
00:13:18,170 --> 00:13:20,499
Would never waste
that kind of good product...
235
00:13:21,112 --> 00:13:22,380
On the floor. I could just be...
236
00:13:22,463 --> 00:13:25,467
You have saved a lot of money not
buying vacuum cleaners in your life.
237
00:13:25,550 --> 00:13:28,178
I'll just be sitting, watching T.V,
talking about, "Yeah, yeah."
238
00:13:28,262 --> 00:13:29,874
- [laughs]
239
00:13:33,916 --> 00:13:36,883
Carpet.
That [bleep]'s just carpet.
240
00:13:40,966 --> 00:13:44,940
- This weed is mad tight, yo.
- Yeah, man, I'm super high, Dog.
241
00:13:45,106 --> 00:13:46,699
Ah.
242
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:49,666
Hey, yo.
243
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:52,397
Let me "ax" you a question
on the real.
244
00:13:53,134 --> 00:13:55,102
Yeah, yeah, Dog.
Yeah, go ahead, man.
245
00:13:57,843 --> 00:14:00,211
Hey, man,
where my dookie go?
246
00:14:05,708 --> 00:14:07,117
Oh.
247
00:14:08,353 --> 00:14:10,483
- What?
- My dookie.
248
00:14:11,302 --> 00:14:12,660
Where do it go?
249
00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:14,994
It go down in the toilet,
[bleep], you know that.
250
00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:18,022
Nah, man. I ain't stupid.
251
00:14:19,510 --> 00:14:21,039
Where do it go after that?
252
00:14:21,129 --> 00:14:22,670
Come on, man, quit playing.
I don't know.
253
00:14:22,754 --> 00:14:24,815
It... it goes down the sewer,
you know.
254
00:14:26,572 --> 00:14:28,322
Everybody's go down there?
255
00:14:28,424 --> 00:14:31,226
Yeah, everybody's dookie
goes down in the sewer.
256
00:14:37,282 --> 00:14:38,653
Where my dookie go after that?
257
00:14:39,718 --> 00:14:41,900
It washes out to the ocean.
258
00:14:43,021 --> 00:14:43,946
I guess.
259
00:14:44,029 --> 00:14:45,487
Hold up, hold up.
260
00:14:47,549 --> 00:14:49,920
Dolphins swim
with my dookie?
261
00:14:50,003 --> 00:14:52,871
I don't know, man. I mean,
I don't... I really don't know.
262
00:14:52,954 --> 00:14:54,511
- We're in the ocean...
- Yep.
263
00:14:54,797 --> 00:14:56,331
What happens to the dookie?
264
00:14:56,474 --> 00:14:59,445
I'm just taking a stab at...
like a wild guess, all right,
265
00:14:59,555 --> 00:15:02,136
that the dookie, like,
probably go up in the air
266
00:15:02,219 --> 00:15:05,300
and, like, evaporates and then
turns into a cloud or some [bleep].
267
00:15:05,383 --> 00:15:08,636
- A dookie cloud.
- Oh, this [bleep].
268
00:15:08,719 --> 00:15:11,552
- Everybody's dookie
mix up,
269
00:15:12,039 --> 00:15:15,594
goes up into a cloud,
and then it rains down.
270
00:15:15,677 --> 00:15:16,877
That's gangsta.
271
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,484
I just... Can we stop talking
about dookie right now?
272
00:15:21,823 --> 00:15:23,097
I just thought of something.
273
00:15:23,181 --> 00:15:24,680
Yes? What is it?
What is it, Levi?
274
00:15:24,763 --> 00:15:26,155
The pieces of my dookie...
275
00:15:26,394 --> 00:15:27,939
- Yep?
- ...falls on the ground...
276
00:15:28,022 --> 00:15:28,901
- That's true, yep.
277
00:15:28,984 --> 00:15:30,442
...and becomes a plant.
278
00:15:30,525 --> 00:15:33,100
Okay, okay, that's good. Now,
we're done with the dookie talk, right?
279
00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:35,222
- A dookie plant...
- No.
280
00:15:35,528 --> 00:15:38,448
...that reaches towards the sky.
281
00:15:39,645 --> 00:15:41,031
Ahh.
282
00:15:42,365 --> 00:15:45,582
- Hey, Sed.
- Yeah, Levi?
283
00:15:45,994 --> 00:15:49,140
Maybe if my dookie
can make it out of the hood...
284
00:15:50,794 --> 00:15:52,721
Maybe we can too.
285
00:15:54,949 --> 00:15:56,439
Huh.
286
00:16:00,221 --> 00:16:01,523
Maybe.
287
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,561
Maybe, Levi.
288
00:16:07,839 --> 00:16:09,052
Okay, okay, okay.
289
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,610
Here's what we gonna do.
Here's what we gonna do.
290
00:16:10,693 --> 00:16:13,390
All right, Dr. King
talked about, um, uh,
291
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,153
all the races coming together,
right? Right?
292
00:16:15,236 --> 00:16:17,867
So what I want every negro
to do here today
293
00:16:17,950 --> 00:16:20,374
is find the nearest white person
and give 'em a hug.
294
00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:21,976
Just... just give 'em
a hug, okay?
295
00:16:22,059 --> 00:16:23,722
No, sir,
you're not being attacked.
296
00:16:23,804 --> 00:16:25,896
You're not being attacked.
You're being hugged, okay?
297
00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:28,494
Everybody take it easy here, okay?
Everybody relax.
298
00:16:28,577 --> 00:16:31,837
You know what? We don't need 10 negroes
hugging one white person, okay?
299
00:16:31,921 --> 00:16:33,844
Let's just... let's...
You know, that's the new rule.
300
00:16:33,927 --> 00:16:35,689
Not ten on one.
One on one.
301
00:16:35,773 --> 00:16:37,464
So we'll just take turns
and everything, okay?
302
00:16:37,547 --> 00:16:39,005
So everybody relax, okay?
[crowd shouting]
303
00:16:39,088 --> 00:16:41,842
Oh, my Goodness.
Sir, she doesn't need to be defended.
304
00:16:41,940 --> 00:16:44,615
She doesn't need to be defended.
She's okay. She's okay, okay?
305
00:16:44,699 --> 00:16:46,089
All right, ma'am... okay...
306
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,619
Officer,
is that necessary?
307
00:16:47,702 --> 00:16:49,262
I don't think
that's necessary, officer.
308
00:16:49,346 --> 00:16:50,228
No ma'am! Please!
309
00:16:50,312 --> 00:16:51,350
Please take it easy sir!
310
00:16:51,460 --> 00:16:52,924
Everyone take it easy,
all right?
311
00:16:53,007 --> 00:16:54,845
They're just hugs.
You're not being attacked.
312
00:17:03,717 --> 00:17:05,842
Sometimes it's very difficult
to get black people,
313
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:07,543
especially black men, to laugh.
314
00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:09,489
They are begrudging
laughers.
315
00:17:09,573 --> 00:17:11,270
Black dudes be... Look...
they'll be looking at us like,
316
00:17:11,353 --> 00:17:13,883
"Nah, see, nah, this ain't gonna
be funny. This ain't gonna be funny."
317
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:16,844
- We'll do something stupid...
- ...that really crack 'em up.
318
00:17:16,927 --> 00:17:18,366
These mother[bleep]s go,
"Psh, you stupid."
319
00:17:18,449 --> 00:17:19,311
"This is stupid."
320
00:17:19,394 --> 00:17:21,881
"You bein' stupid.
You bein' stupid."
321
00:17:21,964 --> 00:17:23,154
"Nah, man."
322
00:17:23,237 --> 00:17:24,599
"Y'all bein' stupid right now."
323
00:17:24,682 --> 00:17:25,724
"nah, that's stupid, man. Nah."
324
00:17:25,807 --> 00:17:27,057
- "I ain't laughing."
- "Y'all stupid."
325
00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:28,647
- "I ain't laughing."
- "This thing is stupid."
326
00:17:28,731 --> 00:17:31,378
"Nah, nah, that ain't funny.
I ain't laughing at [bleep]."
327
00:17:31,461 --> 00:17:32,942
- "Dog, that's stupid."
- "Nah, nah."
328
00:17:33,025 --> 00:17:34,516
- "That's stupid!"
- "That's stupid as Hell.
329
00:17:34,599 --> 00:17:37,194
"That's stupid as Hell.
No, no, no.
330
00:17:37,278 --> 00:17:39,754
"No, these [bleep]s retarded.
These [bleep]s retarded."
331
00:17:39,837 --> 00:17:41,705
I think sisters
are actually harder.
332
00:17:41,788 --> 00:17:45,237
Sisters talk about, "[bleep], ain't
my job to laugh. It's your job to..."
333
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:46,988
"make me laugh."
334
00:17:52,401 --> 00:17:55,546
White people laugh a certain way,
which is, like, too hard.
335
00:17:55,630 --> 00:17:56,959
- Too hard, yeah.
- Just too hard.
336
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:59,934
It's a little too earnest, yes, yeah.
It's a little onomatopoetic.
337
00:18:00,017 --> 00:18:01,943
We do not need to be able
to spell your laughter.
338
00:18:02,026 --> 00:18:03,444
- We don't want to.
- Please don't do that.
339
00:18:03,527 --> 00:18:05,757
"Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho."
Don't do it.
340
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,545
Yeah, we... we don't need you
to be laughing like,
341
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:10,030
"Ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha."
342
00:18:10,646 --> 00:18:13,348
No [bleep] Mitt Romney
laughter here tonight.
343
00:18:19,283 --> 00:18:21,006
- Good evening,
my fellow Americans.
344
00:18:21,089 --> 00:18:24,538
Now, first off, I would like
to once again introduce
345
00:18:24,621 --> 00:18:26,178
my anger translator, Luther.
346
00:18:26,261 --> 00:18:26,933
Hi!
347
00:18:27,016 --> 00:18:30,512
Now, in the spirit of democracy,
I would like to take a moment
348
00:18:30,595 --> 00:18:32,306
to address my opponent,
Mitt Romney.
349
00:18:32,389 --> 00:18:33,973
Ooh, I been waiting for this.
350
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,022
Oh, boy,
I been waiting for this.
351
00:18:37,106 --> 00:18:38,833
Wassup, Mitt?
Ta-tai!
352
00:18:38,942 --> 00:18:41,525
Governor Romney
and I have different ideas
353
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:43,680
on how to best help
the American people.
354
00:18:43,764 --> 00:18:45,296
I saved the auto industry.
355
00:18:45,380 --> 00:18:47,394
You wanna give tax breaks
to millionaires.
356
00:18:47,477 --> 00:18:49,034
I killed osama bin laden,
357
00:18:49,117 --> 00:18:51,856
And you strapped a dog
to the top of your car.
358
00:18:51,953 --> 00:18:54,306
Now, let's see.
Who's better for the country?
359
00:18:54,389 --> 00:18:57,643
I look forward to a fruitful
and healthy debate
360
00:18:57,726 --> 00:18:58,838
On the affordable care act.
361
00:18:58,921 --> 00:19:00,857
And since you already did it
in Massachusetts,
362
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,972
It's gonna be real interesting
to watch your flip-floppin' ass
363
00:19:04,055 --> 00:19:07,027
argue me on that [bleep] now!
Sa-si-san!
364
00:19:07,123 --> 00:19:10,650
But I also look forward to other ways
to articulate our differences.
365
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:12,384
I'm like the mother[bleep]
love child
366
00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:15,566
of the Old Spice guy
and the Dos Equis dude,
367
00:19:15,649 --> 00:19:17,853
and you are literally
368
00:19:17,937 --> 00:19:21,248
the boringest,
whitest man alive today.
369
00:19:21,511 --> 00:19:25,629
I know that we will conduct
professional campaigns,
370
00:19:25,736 --> 00:19:28,679
That we will be respectful
to one another's personal lives,
371
00:19:28,762 --> 00:19:29,847
families, and religion.
372
00:19:29,929 --> 00:19:31,137
Oh, man, come on.
373
00:19:31,221 --> 00:19:34,562
I still gotta explain to half
the country that I'm not a Muslim,
374
00:19:34,645 --> 00:19:36,925
But it's still off limits
to talk about
375
00:19:37,008 --> 00:19:39,633
your mormon ass wearing
magic underwear
376
00:19:39,716 --> 00:19:43,520
and believing Jesus came down
and did some [bleep] in Pennsylvania?
377
00:19:43,604 --> 00:19:44,923
- All right now, Luther.
- I mean, come on, man!
378
00:19:45,006 --> 00:19:46,659
I mean,
this is some craziness!
379
00:19:46,742 --> 00:19:47,793
- Luther!
- This be..yes.
380
00:19:47,876 --> 00:19:50,934
Luther, Pennsylvania is a swing state.
Let's take it down a notch.
381
00:19:51,017 --> 00:19:52,441
Yeah, okay.
Come on, Luther.
382
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:56,261
Man, why you always gotta
cross the line, man?
383
00:19:56,451 --> 00:19:58,726
I believe
the American people will see
384
00:19:58,809 --> 00:20:01,613
that I've made their lives
better in the past four years.
385
00:20:01,696 --> 00:20:05,186
Americans would all be riding these
if I hadn't saved the auto industry.
386
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,735
I'm also confident
that the American people
387
00:20:09,831 --> 00:20:12,256
will make the choice
that will best help them
388
00:20:12,339 --> 00:20:15,064
and best help our path
to the future.
389
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,300
Y'all know
I'm winning this [bleep]!
390
00:20:17,565 --> 00:20:19,833
- Thank you,
and good night.
391
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,246
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
392
00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:33,538
I love it.
I love playing Luther.
393
00:20:33,621 --> 00:20:35,190
- You do, huh?
- It's my favorite part.
394
00:20:35,273 --> 00:20:36,597
Well, any excuse you can get
to... to...
395
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:37,874
Yeah, I get to use
one of those... Oh, swa!
396
00:20:37,957 --> 00:20:40,751
Nope, um,
just almost ripped my taint.
397
00:20:40,834 --> 00:20:42,765
- Okay. Thank you guys.
- Thank you very much.
398
00:20:42,848 --> 00:20:44,768
- You have a good night.
- Thanks for coming out.
399
00:20:45,176 --> 00:20:48,652
Sync & corrections: dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
400
00:20:48,777 --> 00:20:50,478
Resync BluRay by LeRalouf
401
00:20:52,034 --> 00:20:54,769
I'm gonna
do my one line here
402
00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:56,838
Oh, yeah.
403
00:20:56,888 --> 00:21:01,438
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
31495
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof