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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,591 - It's like a low-risk opportunity. 2 00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:04,381 So I'm looking forward to it, we'll see. 3 00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,585 All right, gentlemen. Take care. See you soon. 4 00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:08,215 Good looking out. Take care. 5 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,932 All right, man. All right, take care. 6 00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:12,472 See you. Ooh. 7 00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:16,966 - [Gasps] 8 00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:19,601 I'm a lefty, so... 9 00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:26,571 [soul music] 10 00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:34,704 ♪ ♪ 11 00:00:43,127 --> 00:00:45,547 [cheers and applause] Yeah! 12 00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:46,881 - Whoo! 13 00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:50,675 - All right, yeah. - All right! 14 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,295 - Thank you. 15 00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:56,970 - Thank you! 16 00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:59,559 Thanks so much for coming out. I am Keegan. 17 00:00:59,685 --> 00:01:01,385 - And I am Jordan. - And this is Key and Peele. 18 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,770 - Welcome to the show. - Welcome. 19 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,358 - All right. 20 00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,693 - So Jordan and I have this ongoing competition 21 00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:10,489 about which one of us is blacker, yes. 22 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:14,742 - Haha. Clearly me, clearly me. 23 00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:16,407 - No, no, how is that even possible? 24 00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:18,745 I'm from one of the blackest parts of the planet. 25 00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:21,751 - Michigan? - Yeah. 26 00:01:21,874 --> 00:01:23,624 I'm from Detroit, okay? 27 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:26,671 Detroit's black enough for the whole state, all right? 28 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:29,005 We had a mayor who used to have a nameplate 29 00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,471 on his desk that said "HNIC." 30 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:32,882 For those of you who don't know what that means, 31 00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:34,970 it means, "Head Nigga In Charge." 32 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,795 The mayor. - Okay, okay. 33 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,180 - Whatever, man. I'm from NYC, baby, NYC. 34 00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:40,598 - Oh, okay. 35 00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,846 - [Chuckling] Straight up. [Chuckling] 36 00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:46,398 Ah ha ha! 37 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:47,943 - No, no, no, no. 38 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,856 - It's the blackest town in the world, baby. 39 00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:51,235 - Jordan, why don't... do you care to tell 40 00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:52,611 the audience where you are from in NYC? 41 00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,158 - W... okay. 42 00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:55,701 - Tell them where you're from in NYC, exactly. 43 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:57,374 The exact kinda location of where you're from. 44 00:01:57,493 --> 00:01:58,913 - Manhattan. I'm from Manhattan. - No, no, no, no. 45 00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:00,116 Where exactly in Manhattan do you live, Jordan? 46 00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:01,445 Where in Manhattan did you grow up? 47 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:05,540 Where you grew up? Where you grew up? 48 00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,917 - Upper west side, but still. 49 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:09,915 Yo, check it. All right, all right. 50 00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:12,217 Dude, NYC, baby. - Uh-huh. 51 00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:15,131 - Home of Alvin Ailey, the Harlem renaissance. 52 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,350 J... - Joy Behar! 53 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,931 - Okay... 54 00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:21,306 first of all, Joy Behar will shoot you in the face. 55 00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,023 So watch your shit. 56 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,773 Secondly, I don't understand how you could possibly 57 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,146 think you're blacker than me. - I am. 58 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,902 - Motherfucker, you drive a Prius. 59 00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:36,066 You saw Warhorse. 60 00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:38,488 Plus, you married a white woman. 61 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:41,617 Oh, actually you win. 'Cause that... 62 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,380 So glad we could bring this project to this neighborhood. 63 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,841 - It's so rich in history. 64 00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:51,502 - I grew up in a neighborhood like this. 65 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:52,960 - Oh, yeah, I grew up in a neighborhood 66 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:55,550 exactly like this. 67 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:56,966 - All right, welcome to Mama Sugarback's. 68 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,264 Y'all ready to order? - Yeah. 69 00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:03,098 Can I have a chicken fried steak with gravy and a cola? 70 00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:05,265 - Okay. 71 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:07,194 - I will have the baked beef short ribs with collard greens, 72 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:08,732 and throw down some of that cornbread. 73 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,476 - All right, babe. 74 00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,818 - You know what? Hold up a second. 75 00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,114 I'm also gonna have some of them 76 00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:17,357 collard greens and cornbread as well, 77 00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:18,609 but hook a brother up with some of them hot links. 78 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,910 - All right. - All right. 79 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:24,624 - [Chuckles] You know what? Why am I trying to front? 80 00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,206 Scratch all that. 81 00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:29,291 Give me some okra and some fried red snapper. 82 00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:30,628 And, girl, you know I want some chitlins. 83 00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,552 - All right now. 84 00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:34,881 - Y'all got ham hocks? 85 00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:36,837 - Of course. - Well, that's what I want. 86 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,177 I want a plate of ham hocks, deep-fried, blackened, 87 00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:40,433 and served on a bed of mustard greens. 88 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,974 - Pig feet. 89 00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:45,977 I want some pig feet and four pounds of grits. 90 00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:47,731 And oh, oh! And you know what else? 91 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,943 Give me a little Dixie cup full of lard, all right? 92 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,823 - I just remembered what I want. A bowl of mosquitoes. 93 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:55,321 None of them tiny ones either, give me them big motherfuckers 94 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,614 you find down at the swamps. 95 00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:00,198 - Sister, could you please hook a brother up 96 00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:02,204 with a rusty bucket full of fish heads 97 00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:04,286 wrapped in razor wire? 98 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,081 - Donkey teeth. - Donkey teeth? 99 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:08,124 - Straight out a donkey's mouth. 100 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,828 You know what? Fuck it. Any animal tooth will do. 101 00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,169 I want you to stick it in some honey glaze, 102 00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:13,544 fry it with fat back, 103 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,250 and serve it in an old tin coffee can. 104 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,380 - Forget everything I said up to this point right now. 105 00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:20,177 Bring me some dandelion greens, a cow hip, and a dog face. 106 00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:22,262 Wrap that whole mess in an old Ebony magazine, 107 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:23,757 and serve it to me in a shoebox. 108 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,969 - Okay, I want a platter of stork ankles, 109 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,679 an old cellar door, a possum spine, 110 00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:32,520 and a human foot. 111 00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:39,652 - You want a human foot? 112 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:43,070 - Mm-hmm. 113 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:47,080 - I got just one question for y'all. 114 00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,037 - You want gravy on that cellar door? 115 00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,577 - Oh, definitely. 116 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,130 - Oh, yeah, yeah. You gotta put gravy on that. 117 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:56,303 - What's a cellar door without gravy? 118 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,591 - It's not food. 119 00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:06,180 - Mmm. 120 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,386 - It's really... [chokes] 121 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:09,637 - Ugh. 122 00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:14,231 - Ah, man, I really had to get out of the house. 123 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:15,606 - I was glad you came out. - I appreciate it. 124 00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:16,942 - For real. 125 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,107 - Look here, you check this girl out, man. 126 00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:21,855 She is fine. 127 00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,779 - She all right. - Really? 128 00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,238 - Hey, man, I am going to go to the bathroom. 129 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:30,538 - Okay, man. See you in a minute. 130 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,424 - You know what? 131 00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:33,921 I told myself this morning I wasn't gonna fall in love. 132 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:38,882 You went and made me break my only rule. 133 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,586 I'm gonna take that right quick... 134 00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:43,336 I am going to take that. I'm going to use that. 135 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,178 Okay. [Chuckles] 136 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:48,013 - Oh, hey, what's up, man? You just got her number, huh? 137 00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:50,470 - Yeah, Cheyenne. - Oh, is that her name? 138 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:51,930 - Yeah, she was fly-y. 139 00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:54,560 - That's the girl I was talking about. 140 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,858 - Oh, snap. Are you serious? - Yeah, dude. 141 00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,322 - Oh, I'm sorry. - It ain't no thing, man. 142 00:05:58,442 --> 00:05:59,732 Forget it. There's plenty of hotties here. 143 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:00,900 - I just thought you were talking about someone else. 144 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,398 - Check her out. 145 00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:07,320 [Mouths words] 146 00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:08,831 - I'm not a sports man, but... 147 00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:11,252 think me and you could touch down later, 148 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,871 if you know what I'm saying. 149 00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:15,458 [Chuckles] Am I being stupid? But for real though. 150 00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:17,844 Just give me your number, whatever. 151 00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:20,131 Thank you, girl. I'ma take that from you. 152 00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:22,125 - How did you get over here so fast? 153 00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:24,257 - Huh? 154 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:28,854 - Nothing. It just seemed like you... 155 00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:34,602 - Oh, damn. That reporter is smokin' hot. 156 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,357 What the fuck? 157 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:42,363 [Ominous music] 158 00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:46,906 ♪ ♪ 159 00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:49,412 No. 160 00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:53,874 No! 161 00:06:57,667 --> 00:07:01,417 [Chuckles madly] 162 00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:03,546 Huh? Yeah. 163 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:11,138 No. No! 164 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,684 - Hey, baby. - How are you... 165 00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:15,679 are you doing that? - Honey, what's wrong? 166 00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:18,021 - Oh, baby, I love you. 167 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,516 I'm sorry. 168 00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:21,268 I was out, I was looking at other women tonight. 169 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:23,399 But you are all there is. 170 00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:27,737 All right, I love you. 171 00:07:34,830 --> 00:07:36,460 [Soul music] 172 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:38,331 - All right, so Keegan has two dogs, 173 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,628 which he has no control over whatsoever. 174 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:40,791 - That's not true. That's not true. 175 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,419 - That is true. 176 00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:43,796 - The little one I've got some control over. 177 00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,632 The big one's an asshole. - No. 178 00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,258 They don't listen to him. 179 00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:49,835 I don't understand why you talk to them like that. 180 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,850 My man will be like, "Hey, Levi, would you stay away 181 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,272 from that Architectural Digest magazine?" What's that? 182 00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:56,061 - Because... what's that? He understands me. 183 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,314 It's because he understands me. - No, he does not. 184 00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,555 - Yes, he does. - And by the way... 185 00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,147 I'm allergic to dogs, okay? 186 00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:03,523 Most people keep their dog in a bathroom when I come over. 187 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,480 When I go over his house, his dogs talking about... 188 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:08,490 [panting] Comes right up to me. 189 00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:11,033 And what do you say? - I say "Levi, 190 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,278 "what are you do... Get outta here. 191 00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:15,330 "What are you doing? What are you doing? 192 00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:17,253 "What are you doing? 193 00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:20,172 Are you doing it right now? What are you doing right now?" 194 00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:22,882 - This is his dog. - "Get away from him. Levi! 195 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,093 "Get away from him. Would you get away from him? 196 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:28,133 "Get away from him! Get away from him! 197 00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:29,758 "Get awa... Get away! 198 00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:32,465 "Are you still standing there? Get away from him! 199 00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:34,556 "Would you get away from Jordan, please? 200 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,561 Get away!" - He's not listening to you. 201 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,813 - And he... 'Cause eventually he leaves after the 50th time. 202 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:42,396 He leaves. He leaves. 203 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,822 - That's boredom, my friend. That is boredom. 204 00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:49,446 - When she does talk, like, you're listening. 205 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:50,821 - Yeah, oh, my God. Last time, I was like, 206 00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,067 "Who are you? You're brilliant." 207 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:54,529 - I know. - [Gasps] Oh, my God! 208 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,199 - [Gasps] Oh, my God. 209 00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:58,788 Both: Oh, my God! - Amy, look at that one! 210 00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:01,174 - Oh, Megan! - He is so cute. 211 00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:02,501 - That is the cutest effing puppy 212 00:09:02,626 --> 00:09:03,876 I've ever seen in my entire life. 213 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,542 - Oh, my God, I'm just gonna take him, 214 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,210 and I just wanna bite his little ears off. 215 00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:09,720 - I just wanna take his little legs, 216 00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,971 and I could snack on 'em like chicken drumettes. 217 00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:13,723 - Yeah, I just wanna take his fuzzy little perfect head. 218 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,635 I wanna put it in my mouth and squeeze down on it hard 219 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:17,564 until I have a puppy face diamond in my mouth. 220 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,642 - Mm, I feel like I have to wrap his face in a towel, 221 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,558 and then beat it with a tire iron. 222 00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,556 - I'm going to buy that dog, I'm going drive him to the vet, 223 00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,479 and I'm going to have him put down immediately. 224 00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:27,898 - [Gasps] Oh, my God. 225 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,486 You what I'm gonna have to do? - What? 226 00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:30,651 - I'm gonna have to take that scruffy little nose... 227 00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:31,819 - Yes. - And just kick it. 228 00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:33,407 I just have to... - Yes. 229 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:34,621 - I would kick it until it comes up on my shoes 230 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,411 like little puppy snout slippers. 231 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:37,954 And then I'm gonna go to a party and everyone's like, 232 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,288 "Oh, my God, where'd you get those slippers?" 233 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,662 I'll be like, "These are my face slippers 234 00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,159 from my adorable, dumb little puppy." 235 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,330 - That's exactly what I was going to say! 236 00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:44,748 - ESP! 237 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,166 - Oh, my God, I just wanna take his head. 238 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,594 I wanna peel the skin off of his skull. 239 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,172 - I know where you're going. 240 00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:50,547 - I wanna just start throwing it up like pizza dough 241 00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,344 until it's long, flat, and round. 242 00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:55,137 I wanna take it to a picnic and toss it around like a Frisbee 243 00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,182 at a puppy-face-Frisbee picnic! 244 00:09:57,305 --> 00:10:00,265 - Let's get him! - Yeah! 245 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:05,564 - So cute. - So cute. 246 00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:07,059 Oh, my God, is it me, 247 00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,190 or is it like totally mosquito-y out here? 248 00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:10,357 - Oh, my God, remember this one? 249 00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,525 He was so cute. - So cute. 250 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:20,374 [Scatting] 251 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,090 [Scattered applause] 252 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,350 - And now, ladies and gentlemen, 253 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:43,102 the man you've been waiting for, Mr. Michael Winslow! 254 00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:45,056 - Go get 'em, Winslow. [Cheers and applause] 255 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:48,976 Bring the noise! Bring the noise. 256 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:52,437 Another sold-out night for the Kings of Mouth Noise. 257 00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,069 I tell you though, 258 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:55,565 we wouldn't have this audience without Winslow. 259 00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,157 Lucky for you, huh? 260 00:10:57,282 --> 00:11:00,242 Those Police Academy fans. 261 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:01,948 Look at all the tee shirts. 262 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,578 Six sequels. Can you believe it? 263 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,666 Every sound effect this guy makes 264 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:10,461 is like a little, tiny Mona Lisa popping out of his mouth. 265 00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,627 Have you ever heard him do 266 00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,086 the walking through the leaves 267 00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,835 in the fall while eating an apple... 268 00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:26,388 [applause] 269 00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:37,202 - [Takes a deep breath] 270 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,572 [Grunts] 271 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:40,739 [Imitates squishing] 272 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,867 [Imitates wiping] 273 00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:44,874 [Imitates squishing] 274 00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:46,286 [Imitates wiping] 275 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:49,214 [Imitates squishing, wiping] 276 00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:52,884 [Imitates drinking] 277 00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:57,972 [Gulp] 278 00:11:58,093 --> 00:12:03,763 - [Scatting] 279 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:06,350 - [Imitates wiping] 280 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:11,766 - [Imitates whirring] 281 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:12,978 - [Imitates whip] 282 00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:16,938 - [Squeals] 283 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:23,451 [Scatting] 284 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,616 Whew! 285 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:29,504 [Vocalizing dramatic music] 286 00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,334 Whew! 287 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,709 - Shing. 288 00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:37,337 Ting, ting, ting. - [Continues vocalizing] 289 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:38,755 - Ting, ting, ting. 290 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,473 - [Vocalizing] 291 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,183 - Shing! - [Vocalizing] 292 00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,184 - Shing! 293 00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,596 [Clicking] - Whap! 294 00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:53,515 - [Imitates wobbling] 295 00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:55,898 Pa-chhh! 296 00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:59,695 - [Vocalizing] - Chh! 297 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:04,071 - [Vocalizing] 298 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,490 [Imitates swiping, gibbering] 299 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,828 - [Imitates swiping] - [Gibbering] 300 00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:12,415 - [Imitates swiping] 301 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,962 - [Imitates gun clicking, gunshot] 302 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,552 [Blows] 303 00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:20,843 - [Panting] 304 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,217 - [Imitates heartbeat] 305 00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:25,684 [Imitating beeping] 306 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:31,685 - [Scatting] 307 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:37,821 - [Imitating beeping] 308 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:42,070 [Imitates flat line] 309 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:49,333 [Imitating sirens] 310 00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,668 [Soul music] 311 00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,759 - All right, so one of the worst places to be a black man... 312 00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:05,465 - Yes? 313 00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,215 - Is at a party where there's only white people there. 314 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,097 - Oh, yeah. 315 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,604 It's just way to much pressure to provide all of the fun. 316 00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:14,596 - Yes! 317 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:17,609 Oh, you can't... - Way too much pressure. 318 00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:19,732 - You cannot cross the dance floor at all. 319 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,739 If I need a drink at one of these parties, 320 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,151 I will go around the perimeter of the party. 321 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,620 'Cause you know if you go through this, 322 00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:28,911 you will have a group of white people around you 323 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:32,075 talking about, "Go, Jordan! Go, Jordan! Go, Jordan!" 324 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:35,035 - That's true. 325 00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:36,956 And that used to happen to me 326 00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:38,745 all the time when I was in school. 327 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:42,048 I never even noticed until one of my friends... a white friend... 328 00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:44,513 I was, like, 40 minutes late for a party one time. 329 00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,304 And I show up, I come in the front door, 330 00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:47,887 my friend's like, "Oh, my God, 331 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:52,932 thank God you're here." 332 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,599 There was, like, a group of white people sitting around 333 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:58,937 for 40 minutes waiting for the black guy to show up. 334 00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:06,201 - Just got your check. - Yeah. 335 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,072 Damn. 336 00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:10,159 Look how much I lost in taxes. 337 00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:12,865 Damn government! Look at that. 338 00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,786 Might as well join the Tea Party. 339 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,424 - Excuse me. What did you just say? 340 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,712 - "Might as well join the Tea Party." 341 00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,496 - Come with me. - Whoa! What's going on? 342 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,090 - You are the chosen one. 343 00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:25,875 - What the hell are you talking about, man? 344 00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:28,089 - We've been waiting for you. - Waiting for me? What? 345 00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:29,599 What the hell is this? - I found him! 346 00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,141 [Cheers and applause] 347 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,854 - Tell them what you were telling your friend. 348 00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,015 - I hate taxes? 349 00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,353 - What do you find appealing 350 00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,017 about the politics of the Tea Party? 351 00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:41,106 - I'm not a politician. - A real man of the people. 352 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:42,732 - How do you feel about the Second Amendment? 353 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,319 - I don't want this. 354 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,954 - Taken away from you, just like the rest of us. 355 00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:50,031 One of many issues you're passionate about. 356 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:52,158 Oh! Smile. 357 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,825 [Cheers and applause] - Oh! 358 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,583 - Now, come meet your public. - Public? 359 00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:57,245 What are you talking about? I ain't got no public. 360 00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:58,753 What is this? 361 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,165 - Ladies and gentlemen, 362 00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,043 the new leader of the Minnesota Tea Party 363 00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:05,260 and the next president of the United States. 364 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,511 What's your name? - Terrell Jackson. 365 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:10,184 - Perfect. Terrell Jackson! 366 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,803 [Cheers and applause] - Ah! 367 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:15,930 Look, look, I don't want any part of this, all right? 368 00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:18,599 - You hate the government. That's great! 369 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:21,018 - Show us your gun again! 370 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:24,857 - Look, y'all are just too creepy. 371 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,574 You can have this back. [Gunshot] 372 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,954 Ah! Crowd: Oh! 373 00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:33,162 - Great! Where are we gonna find another black guy? 374 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,127 - Hey, baby. - Mm. 375 00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:43,341 - Wake up. 376 00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:46,551 - Mm, what time is it? 377 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,093 - [Chuckles quietly] 378 00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,177 - What are you doing? - Good morning. 379 00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:53,012 [Camera snaps] - Hey! 380 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,387 - Come on, girl. It's time to get up. 381 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:56,965 Let's go! 382 00:16:57,100 --> 00:17:00,850 - Delete the picture, motherfucker! 383 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:06,113 - Okay, um, uh, delete. 384 00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:10,074 Deleting it. Um, delete photo. 385 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,066 Okay. 386 00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,488 It's gone. It's all gone. 387 00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:16,906 [Panting] 388 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,326 - Thanks, baby. Mm. 389 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:23,883 How do you want your eggs? 390 00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,380 - Scrambled. 391 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,012 [Hip-hop music] 392 00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:35,967 - One of the hardest jobs in the military 393 00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:38,387 has to be military recruiter. 394 00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,426 That is tough. - That's a tough one all right. 395 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,730 Because you have to look somebody in the eye 396 00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:45,154 and tell them their first job out of high school 397 00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:46,653 is getting shot at. - Right. 398 00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,734 - You know, that's... that is hard. 399 00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,650 - Yeah, or, like, to appeal to kids, 400 00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:54,029 they made that one commercial where there's, like, the marine 401 00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:56,407 going, and he's going through a futuristic obstacle course. 402 00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,034 - And then he gets past the pendulums, 403 00:17:58,161 --> 00:17:59,331 and then there's a rock 404 00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,164 with what appears to be Excalibur in it. 405 00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:02,909 - Oh, and he's going to need Excalibur 406 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,580 because he's about to fight a lava demon. 407 00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:05,999 - Mm-hmm. 408 00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:07,497 - With a fire whip! 409 00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:08,668 - Yes. 410 00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:10,586 - [Imitates whip] - Yes. 411 00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:11,965 But I understand it a little bit 412 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,431 because you have to cater the commercials 413 00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:15,091 to certain demographics. 414 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:16,929 And right now, with the recent... 415 00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:18,934 the repeal of don't ask, don't tell, 416 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,596 there's a whole new demographic out there 417 00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,305 that they can recruit. - Sure, sure. 418 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,135 - A whole lot of flowers to be plucked. 419 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,980 - Yes. 420 00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:31,071 [Club music] 421 00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,114 ♪ ♪ 422 00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:35,027 - Sergeant Crandall, United States Army recruiter. 423 00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:36,486 How y'all doing? 424 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,696 This is my associate Sergeant Graham Packs. 425 00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:39,866 Yeah! 426 00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:41,164 - Huh-huh! Huh, huh, huh-huh! 427 00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,577 Ha, ha, ha. Nice beat, gentlemen. 428 00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:44,285 - We wanna talk to you about your future, 429 00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:47,075 and where you fit in the United States Army, y'all! 430 00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:48,460 - Yeah, in case you haven't heard, 431 00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:49,836 we are asking, and you're telling. 432 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,212 - That's right, no restrictions, man. 433 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:52,959 You gonna be surrounded by dudes all day. 434 00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:55,130 Y'all can exercise together. You can shower together. 435 00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:57,299 - Talking 'bout soap, water... the works! 436 00:18:57,428 --> 00:18:58,468 - Now I know what you're thinking. 437 00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:00,176 "The army's dangerous." 438 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,096 But the fact of the matter is everything's dangerous. 439 00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:04,015 - All depends on what your definition 440 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,853 of the word "danger" is. 441 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:09,478 - Oh, yeah! Oh, here we go! 442 00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:12,437 - We got a friend. All right. 443 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,948 - Hey! Navy already got him. 444 00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:16,241 But you're better off in the army 445 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:17,414 'cause we gonna get you in the best shape 446 00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:18,702 in your whole life! 447 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,075 - Whoo! Talking 'bout a six pack. 448 00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:21,621 - Blip! - Gonna give you an eight pack. 449 00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:22,794 - Sclip! - Hey, we'll even give you 450 00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:24,452 a jet pack. 451 00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:25,790 - That's a joke, man. He a joke, he a funny guy. 452 00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,165 We ain't got jet packs. - Oh! 453 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:28,421 - Oh, that's my cut, man! 454 00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:30,173 - Oh, what what? 455 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:33,004 - Go ahead, go ahead. 456 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,340 - You got to isolate, then isolate, 457 00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:37,216 then i-so-late. - Oh, yeah! 458 00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:38,843 Tell you something right now, man. 459 00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:41,430 Combat is just a bunch of men in a tight space 460 00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:42,886 with flashing lights and loud noises. 461 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,555 - Like... [imitating bombs] 462 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:45,894 - Just like this. 463 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,518 - Yeah, you'll fit right in at home. 464 00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:49,645 - It's gonna be great. Oh, here it is. 465 00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:52,572 Oh, can't stop it. Can't stop it. 466 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,152 - Go, Crandall. Sergeant Crandall. 467 00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:55,317 Crandall, Crandall, Crandall. And hold it. 468 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:56,494 - What? - Hold it. 469 00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:57,702 - Gotta do? 470 00:19:57,822 --> 00:20:00,122 - And hold it right there. - Whoo! 471 00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:01,871 - I'm a robot. - Robot. 472 00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:04,333 Excuse me there, young man. 473 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:05,873 Have you ever thought about joining the United States Army? 474 00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,747 It's... Oh, oh, excuse me. 475 00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:10,214 I will, uh, talk to you two later... pardon me. 476 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:18,931 - What's all this? 477 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:22,141 - This is your lucky night. 478 00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:25,603 I wanna be your fantasy. 479 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,925 Whatever you want me to do. 480 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,900 Whatever you wanna do to me. 481 00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:32,981 You just tell me your naughtiest fantasies, Phil, 482 00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:36,607 and you'll get it. 483 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:37,986 - Seriously? 484 00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:40,032 - Seriously. 485 00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:43,826 - Like, for realsies? - For realsies. 486 00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:49,461 - Well, how about we call up your friend Erica... 487 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,582 Aah! 488 00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:53,129 [Thud] 489 00:20:54,378 --> 00:20:56,338 - Good night, everybody! Good night. 490 00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:58,094 Thank you for coming out. 491 00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:01,085 - ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 492 00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:03,388 - Oh, yeah. 493 00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,392 - Finally, the dog licks me, by the way. What did you say? 494 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:09,676 - "Levi, get outta here. You broke the contract!" 495 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:11,810 - Verbal contract with the animal. 496 00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,478 What is that? You could just lock him in the bathroom! 497 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,477 - I couldn't do that 'cause it was a training moment for him. 498 00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:17,939 - It was a training moment for me too. 499 00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:19,819 I learned never to go to your house again. 36090

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