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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,711 - ♪ When I roll down the street brothers all take a knee ♪ 2 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,877 ♪ Honeys dropping their Gs, wanting pieces of me ♪ 3 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,376 ♪ 'Cause I run this whole block ♪ 4 00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:08,928 ♪ With these rhymes and this glock ♪ 5 00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:10,761 ♪ Make this whole damn 'hood tick ♪ 6 00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:13,096 ♪ This my town, I'm the talk, cock of the walk ♪ 7 00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:15,522 ♪ I'm the boss and the king, niggas kissing my ass ♪ 8 00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,181 ♪ And bitches kissing my ring ♪ 9 00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:19,889 What's up, yeah! Oh, shit, nigga. 10 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,270 You know it's true. 11 00:00:21,397 --> 00:00:23,607 [Laughs] Yeah. Y... 12 00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:36,035 - I'm the leader of the free world. 13 00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:38,871 [Mic feedback] 14 00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,207 [Car door shuts] 15 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,996 [Laughter] 16 00:00:45,129 --> 00:00:47,629 - I mean, the president, how you...? 17 00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:49,416 Forget y'all. 18 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:52,430 [Soul music] 19 00:00:52,553 --> 00:01:00,563 ♪ ♪ 20 00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:13,605 [cheers and applause] 21 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:14,781 - Hey. 22 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,948 - Wow. - Pretty good. 23 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,248 Really? 24 00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:22,922 - Welcome to the show. I am Keegan. 25 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:24,751 - And I am Jordan. - And this is Key and Peele. 26 00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:28,047 - Yes, welcome. - Thank you for coming. 27 00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:29,212 - Keegan and I both have white moms. 28 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:30,589 - Yes, yes. - This is true. 29 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,376 We have white moms, and, uh, the thing 30 00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,589 about having a white mom and being a black guy is, 31 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:38,060 as a kid, a white mom can't hit a black kid in public. 32 00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:40,562 - Can't do it. Can't do it. 33 00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:43,644 Gets too racial too fast. - That's right. 34 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:46,691 It escalates. It escalates to this racial thing, and I was... 35 00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,935 I became aware of this at a very young age. 36 00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:51,857 I think my mother spanked me once in the grocery store. 37 00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:54,157 I swear to God, Keegan, I... you know that tear 38 00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,451 that Denzel Washington does in Glory... 39 00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:58,575 - [laughs] Yeah. - When he's getting whipped? 40 00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:00,042 - Yeah, yeah. - That's what I did, and I... 41 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,662 I promise you, just instinctively, 42 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,709 it came out of me. This is what I did. 43 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:05,672 Just hit me like you're my mom in the grocery store. 44 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,503 I said... ♪ Mama, don't you hit ♪ 45 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:11,628 ♪ No black boy's booty ♪ 46 00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:14,127 [cheers and applause] 47 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:18,259 ♪ 200 years, ain't nothing changed ♪ 48 00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:23,055 - [sighs] 49 00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:24,885 Mr. Louis... 50 00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:27,060 Thank you for coming in 51 00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:28,939 with your associates. 52 00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:32,566 I know this is hard to hear, but... 53 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,154 we need to make some serious decisions 54 00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:36,199 about your mother's health. Let's be honest. 55 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,073 She is getting on in years. 56 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,660 - Oh, snap. 57 00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:43,076 Okay, I see how it is. I see how it is. 58 00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:47,495 Well, yo mama so old, her last name is "osaurus." 59 00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:51,996 [Laughter] - Boom! 60 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:55,050 - N-no, Mr. Louis, it wasn't an insult. 61 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,505 I... I was just saying that your mother's condition 62 00:02:57,636 --> 00:03:00,176 is deteriorating, uh, because she's getting older. 63 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:03,975 - Oh, see that's cold, though. That's a cold one, okay. 64 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:06,271 Okay, I see how it is. Hey, y'all. 65 00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:09,975 Yo mama so old, in her history class, 66 00:03:10,107 --> 00:03:11,437 they just wrote down what they was doing. 67 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,397 [Laughter] 68 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,567 He's talking about... he's talking about... 69 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,446 ch-ch-ch-ch-ch... ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch... 70 00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:18,993 [laughs] - That's you! 71 00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,986 - Mr. Louis, this isn't an insult contest. 72 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,488 Not only is your mother elderly, 73 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,829 but also her ability to walk 74 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,955 is currently being affected by her weight. 75 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,422 - Oh. - Ooh. 76 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,842 - See, okay. It just got real. 77 00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:34,091 - No, I'm not insulting her. I'm trying to tell you the... 78 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,304 - Yo mama is so fat, when she go to the movie theater, 79 00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:39,386 bitch sitting next to everyone. 80 00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:43,061 - Excuse me. Excuse me. - Listen to me, okay? 81 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,561 Your mother needs to manage her weight, 82 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,104 or there can be some real problems. 83 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,557 - Oh... kay! 84 00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,768 All right. Oh, yeah. 85 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:55,279 Yo mama is so fat, she need a latitude and longitude number 86 00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,532 to find her own asshole. 87 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,284 - Oh! [Laughter] 88 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:02,776 - Look at his face! Yeah! Look at his face! 89 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,330 - Ah! Ah! - Give it to him. 90 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:05,703 - Oh. - Give me some. 91 00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,909 - It's coordinates, son. Coordinates. 92 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,580 Now who's the doctor? 93 00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,998 - I am the doctor. Mr. Louis, I am. 94 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,297 And it is my job to make sure that your mother 95 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,051 is getting the care that she needs. 96 00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:17,213 We are talking about the woman who took care 97 00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:18,631 of you your whole life. 98 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,259 The least you can do is take care of her 99 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:22,715 in her old age and take this seriously! 100 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,019 - I'm sorry. 101 00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,395 - I'm sorry that I lost my temper. 102 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:35,272 - No, really, doctor. 103 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,030 I guess... I was just joking around 104 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:41,663 because I know her condition is really serious. 105 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:45,492 And... I don't know, I guess humor 106 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,909 is the only way I can really deal with it, uh... 107 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,869 [sighs] 108 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:53,079 I just know that she's said so many times 109 00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:55,710 she doesn't want anything invasive done. 110 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:58,967 - Really? I was not aware of that. 111 00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:00,881 Um, that's interesting, because she did not mention that 112 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,509 to me in our previous conversation. 113 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:05,506 'Course it was difficult to hear her 114 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:10,229 with my dick in her mouth. 115 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,818 Snap, Mr. Louis. 116 00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:23,156 Oh, snap. 117 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,911 Now let's talk about the procedure. 118 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,544 - Hello, everybody out there. 119 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,411 This is Brock Favors with traffic on the ones. 120 00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:31,368 Chad Armstrong is out sick today, 121 00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,918 so I am filling in from my usual land reports 122 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,292 and, uh, I'm up here in the chopper. 123 00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:39,050 But I gotta tell you guys, I am loving the view. 124 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,382 [Laughs] Oh, shit! 125 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,928 [Screams] Oh, my god! 126 00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,391 Oh, oh, no! Stop, stop, stop, stop. 127 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:48,642 Oh! 128 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,515 Whew. 129 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,352 All right. [Chuckles] 130 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,597 Well, we are, um, uh... 131 00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:56,270 we are over the 10. 132 00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,148 It is massively clogged down there, 133 00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:01,145 like a pint of maple syrup on a cool November morning. 134 00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:03,898 And we just... oh, shit! Motherfucker, god damn! 135 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:06,571 We gon' die in this motherfucker! 136 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,990 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 137 00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,869 Oh, my god! 138 00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:16,706 Whew, whew, whew! 139 00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,495 Okay. [Chuckles] 140 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:22,468 Okay, I am, uh... I am very sorry, folks. 141 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:25,471 [Chuckles] It's a little bit of a bumpy ride up here. 142 00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:28,474 We are now approaching the 405, 143 00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:31,637 ah, where the left lane is blocked by a mattress. 144 00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:34,017 So somebody is, uh, gonna be doing 145 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:36,604 a little return to lkea later today, you know what I'm say... 146 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:40,150 Oh, no, nigga, please! Shit! Oh, god damn! 147 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:41,975 Oh, get me out this motherfucking death machine 148 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,780 right now! Oh, no! 149 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,784 Black people ain't meant to be in the sky! 150 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,946 We ain't meant to be in the sky, man! 151 00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:51,655 [Crying] Oh, mama, help me. 152 00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:53,747 Motherfucker. 153 00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:57,462 Oh, mama! Aah! Oh, shit! 154 00:06:57,584 --> 00:07:00,594 Well, the 405 is fucked up right now. 155 00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:03,672 Ain't nobody going down this shit. I'm sorry. 156 00:07:03,799 --> 00:07:09,469 I'm sorry. I'm very sorry, folks. 157 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,926 I'm very sorry about that, 158 00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:12,766 but I am losing my shit up here. 159 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:15,181 - Actually, you have every right to. 160 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,730 We're about to crash. 161 00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,103 - Oh, fuck, help me! 162 00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:19,440 Shit! Oh, my god, help! 163 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:23,654 Mama, please! Mama! Help! 164 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,147 [Explosion] 165 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:28,108 [Upbeat music] 166 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,280 ♪ ♪ 167 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:34,871 - So... so here's something. 168 00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:38,826 Jordan and I love to watch white guys fight. 169 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,839 - Yes, favorite pastime. - It's sublime, mm-hmm. 170 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,671 - 2:00 a.m. Outside of a bar, 171 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,546 any night, any morning, you can see this, and... 172 00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:47,264 - It's the great... it's... - Best thing in the world. 173 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:49,264 - It's like watching Nat Geo. - Oh, it's... 174 00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:51,046 - It's the Discovery Channel for us. 175 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,639 It's Animal Planet. 176 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,724 Well, this is how it happens. - It's so great. 177 00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:57,060 - White guys... there's... it starts with phase one. 178 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,975 - Phase one, which is the, uh... the arm-back phase. 179 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,904 - Hands back, just completely... - And chest out and arm back. 180 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,522 - Chest out, arms back. - And it's lots of, 181 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,109 "You wanna do something? Let's do something then." 182 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,694 - "What are you doing? What are you doing, bro?" 183 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,609 - "What are you doing?" - "You wanna do something?" 184 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,447 - "I'm already doing something." - I need to keep my arms back 185 00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:12,583 as if they're so dangerous, I gotta keep them back here. 186 00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:14,911 - Yo, phase two. - Phase two. 187 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,406 - They I... they lock horns. 188 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,208 - "You w... let's go. Let go of me, dude." 189 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,581 "Let go of me right now." - "Let go of my shirt." 190 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,538 - "Let go of my shirt. I'm gonna..." 191 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,338 - "I'm not on your shirt." - "You're on my shirt, dude. 192 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:26,211 "Get off of my shirt, man. Get off my shirt. 193 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,629 Get off of my shirt." - "Dude." 194 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,927 - "Let go of my shirt." 195 00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,721 - Two minutes later. - Two minutes later. 196 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,845 "I fucking love you!" - "You're my best friend, dog." 197 00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,762 - "You are my brother, dude. Do you know that?" 198 00:08:35,891 --> 00:08:36,931 - "I would never do anything to you." 199 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:38,098 - "I would never do that to you." 200 00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:39,476 - Fast-forward two minutes. 201 00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:42,063 - "All right, just get off me." - "What the hell?" 202 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,479 - "Let go of me." - "You let go of me, dude." 203 00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:45,227 - "Let go of me." - "You let go of..." 204 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,648 White dudes cannot decide if they want to fight or not. 205 00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,317 - Yeah. - They can't do it. 206 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,486 - Then phase four comes, and that's when one of the guys 207 00:08:51,615 --> 00:08:54,065 has the genius idea to do the "fake-out." 208 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,541 And, uh, so he's gonna walk away, act like... 209 00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:59,211 and then do a sneak attack 210 00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:01,581 using karate, which he does not practice. 211 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,538 - Right, so it's like... - So it's just like... 212 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,038 - "I don't even care. I don't even care anymore, dude." 213 00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:06,250 - "I don't care." - "Forget about that. 214 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:10,589 You know what?" 215 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,217 - "What are you doing, man?" 216 00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:16,144 And always... always, there is a drunk white girl 217 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:17,894 on the sidelines just talking about, 218 00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:20,726 "You guys, stop fighting!" 219 00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:24,312 - "Megan, shut up." - [Whines] 220 00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:26,899 - "I don't need your help, Megan." 221 00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,815 - "You guys are best friends!" 222 00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:31,364 - "Megan, seriously, Megan. 223 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:32,528 Shut up!" 224 00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:34,776 [Cheers and applause] 225 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,163 - I love this place. - This place is amazing. 226 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:39,946 - Amazing. - So hot. 227 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,160 - Got like four stars somewhere. - I heard it got six stars, 228 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:42,579 which is, like, impossible. 229 00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:44,417 - Oh, my god. Let's take a picture. 230 00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:46,002 - Let's take a picture right now. Oh, my god, here we go. 231 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,537 [Camera snaps] - Oh, my god, I'm making a face. 232 00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,001 - Oh, my god, I'm, like, one big nose. Delete it. 233 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,220 - Ew, delete it. - [Scoffs] 234 00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:52,631 [Camera snaps] 235 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,009 - Ew. - What am I doing? I'm gross. 236 00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:55,335 - Why do I look like an orca whale? 237 00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,470 - Delete it. - Delete it. 238 00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,847 [Gun fires, screaming] - Everybody on the ground! 239 00:09:59,975 --> 00:10:01,515 - Oh, my god. We're getting robbed. 240 00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,353 - Oh, my god, oh my god, oh, my god, oh, my... 241 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,188 Oh, my god, what's my eye doing? 242 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:07,193 - Ew, I look like I'm 40. 243 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,725 Delete it. - Oh, my god. 244 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:09,978 - Let's get out of here, but delete it. 245 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:13,240 - Get down! Down! [Camera snaps] 246 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,113 - Oh, my god, I look like somebody unwrapped a mummy. 247 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,780 - God, I look like a five-year-old drew me. 248 00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:18,368 - Totally delete it. - Delete it. 249 00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:19,873 - Delete it. - Right? 250 00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:22,825 - Police! Drop your weapon! [Gunshots] 251 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,496 - Ew, I totally look like Cloverfield. 252 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,294 - Did I just have a stroke or something? 253 00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,628 Both: Delete it. 254 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,922 - Right? - Yeah. 255 00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,295 [Gun fires] 256 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:32,212 - L-ladies, can you just show me 257 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:33,670 the picture you were talking about, please? 258 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,970 - Oh, it's like... - Yeah, stop. 259 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:37,974 Great, right there. [Laughs] That's great. 260 00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,756 Grady, we got a clear shot of the perpetrator. 261 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,099 He's holding a shotgun and everything. 262 00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,894 Wai-wait, wait, where'd the picture go? 263 00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:44,268 - We deleted it. - Gross. 264 00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:45,894 - What? - I had childbirth face. 265 00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:48,231 - Yeah, I looked like my grandmother having an orgasm. 266 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,106 - Delete it. - Delete it. 267 00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:53,533 - Grady, book these idiots for destroying evidence. 268 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,323 - Ow. Ew. 269 00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:57,778 Why are you being so "manhandly"? 270 00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,117 - I can't believe this. Why are we even... 271 00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:00,622 we were the heroes of the evening. 272 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:02,204 - Ridiculous. - We stopped the perpetrator. 273 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,659 Now we're being arrested? - Can we please... 274 00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,248 Oh, my god, these cops should be arrested. 275 00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:06,423 - This is a miscarriage of justice, the entire th... 276 00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:07,581 [both gasp] 277 00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:09,249 - What? No fucking way. 278 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:10,667 - Oh, my god, you cannot... - Delete it. 279 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,085 - You cannot arrest me with that picture. 280 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:13,463 Are you kidding me? - Delete it. 281 00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,510 - I was blinking. This is ridiculous. 282 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,013 - Delete it. - Delete it right now. 283 00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:18,215 Delete it. You must delete this photo. 284 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,845 - Delete it. No. - Delete it. 285 00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,181 I'm not leaving until he deletes it. 286 00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:22,846 - He has a picture of us. Delete it. 287 00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:24,984 - I'm not leaving until he... you gotta delete it! 288 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,391 You've gotta delete it. - Just delete it. 289 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,269 - You have to delete this pic... - Delete it! 290 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:32,819 - ♪ But I don't need you ♪ 291 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,242 - Kee... when Keegan laughs, when he finds something funny... 292 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,202 - Mm-hmm. - It's over, you have to move. 293 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:38,782 - I have to move. 294 00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:39,947 It's out of the question for me to laugh sitting still. 295 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,615 It doesn't happen. 296 00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,413 If I'm watching television alone, by myself, 297 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,746 in my home, this will happen. 298 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:48,831 [Laughs hysterically] 299 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,038 Um, and a little bit of these. [Laughs] 300 00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:52,249 Yeah. - Nobody... 301 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,919 nobody even there to watch it. 302 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,167 - I can't do it. I can't sit still. 303 00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:56,758 I have to express myself physically, 304 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:59,013 and so a really serious situation for me 305 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,635 is watching a comedy on a plane. 306 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,222 - Oh, gosh. - That is a problem. 307 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:03,927 - Yes, I... I do feel for your fellow passengers. 308 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:07,977 - I was literally on a plane watching Bridesmaids, 309 00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:09,443 and you remember the scene where she's got on the wedding dress, 310 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,602 and she poops in the middle of the street? 311 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,230 - Yeah. 312 00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:13,437 - That scene comes on, and this is what literally happens to me. 313 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:14,606 I go... I went like this... I went, 314 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:18,404 "Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh. 315 00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:21,070 Oh! This... excuse me." 316 00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:22,409 [Screaming] "Oh, shit!" 317 00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:23,954 [Laughing hysterically] "Oh, shit! 318 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,327 "Oh, shit! 319 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,703 Oh, drink cart. Drink cart." 320 00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:32,171 I'M SORRY... [laughs] Whoo! 321 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,253 - Ladies and gentlemen, 322 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:37,299 please turn off your cell phones and enjoy our production 323 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:41,054 of Lunch with Greatness. 324 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,797 - My, my, my. 325 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,639 What a beautiful day In Montgomery, Alabama. 326 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:49,685 I swear, the sun is so hot, I nearly melted. 327 00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,901 - Indeed, Dr. King, but I suspect 328 00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,651 we didn't meet here to talk about the weather. 329 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:57,073 - Indeed, brother Malcolm. 330 00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,703 Unless, of course, we articulate 331 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:02,911 that the sun in this country 332 00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:06,082 shines brighter on some than it does on others. 333 00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:10,662 - Mm. - Yeah. 334 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:14,210 - Yes, but when the sun does shine on us, 335 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:17,085 it is growing the seeds of revolution. 336 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:21,303 - Amen. - That's what I'm talking about. 337 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,598 - I see your point, brother Malcolm, 338 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:31,022 but do not those same seeds need to be watered with love? 339 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,604 [Audience murmurs in agreement] 340 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:38,150 - I suppose that is the subject of some discussion, Dr. King. 341 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,486 - [Coughs] 342 00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:44,783 - And I am all for discussion, brother Malcolm. 343 00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:46,948 Unless, of course, the words devolve 344 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,746 into proclamations of hate. 345 00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:53,171 - Yes. - Right. 346 00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:57,751 - Well, is that not why we are here today, Dr. King... 347 00:13:57,879 --> 00:14:00,129 to discuss? 348 00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:03,216 [Fly buzzes] 349 00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:08,264 - Yes, brother Malcolm. 350 00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:11,679 And I am confident that as we discuss... 351 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:12,889 - We are going to discuss it 352 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,939 and discuss it 353 00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:19,863 until I say that 354 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:24,154 our people have never resorted to violence 355 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:27,240 before the white man gave them no choice 356 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,617 but to pay him back 357 00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:30,953 in the only currency he understands. 358 00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:32,289 - Yes. 359 00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:36,673 [Applause] 360 00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:38,593 - Brother Malcolm, 361 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,091 is that what you really have to say... 362 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,804 at this point... in our lunch? 363 00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:46,335 - Indeed, Dr. King, 364 00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:50,219 because we didn't land on Plymouth Rock, 365 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,598 Plymouth Rock landed on us. 366 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:56,595 [Audience shouts in agreement] 367 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:59,109 - Amen. - Mm-hmm. 368 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,772 - Okay, well, yes. All right. 369 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,320 Yeah, I-I've heard you say that before. 370 00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:07,204 I... don't know why we're talking about rocks when, 371 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:10,083 in fact, it is the flesh and the bone 372 00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:12,741 and the... the dreams... I-I have a dream 373 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:15,620 that someday our children will be judged 374 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,498 by the content of their character, 375 00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,835 not by the color of their skin. 376 00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:23,051 [Cheers and applause] 377 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,672 - Same for me. Same for me. 378 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,179 In fact, I believe that one day, 379 00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,892 a black man will become the president 380 00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:30,642 of the United States of America. 381 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,723 All: Yes. 382 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,769 - Hopefully for eight years. 383 00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:36,482 Obama 2012. 384 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:40,313 [Cheers and applause] 385 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,940 - Oh, of course, eight years. Of course, eight years. 386 00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,067 That's a given, right? [Laughs] That's a given. 387 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,954 You know? I mean, but in order to get there, 388 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,162 isn't he going to need the help 389 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:53,793 of our strong, beautiful, black women? 390 00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:54,951 [Cheers and applause] 391 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,959 Gotta respect the sisters. 392 00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,421 Gotta respect the sisters! 393 00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:01,252 Gotta respect the sisters. 394 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,957 [Cheers and applause] 395 00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:05,417 - As Wesley Snipes said in Passenger 57, 396 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:08,178 "Always bet on black." Yeah. 397 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:12,931 [Cheers and applause] 398 00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:17,516 - ♪ The west side is the best side ♪ 399 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:21,654 [cheers and applause] 400 00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,736 - Okay, so Keegan and I... we grew up in the '90s. 401 00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:32,615 - Yes. - Uh, and if you don't know, 402 00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:34,032 the fashion in the '90s was god-awful. 403 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,290 - Horrific. 404 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,121 And the... and the worst... the worst thing 405 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:39,456 in all the '90s were Z Cavariccis. 406 00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,252 - See I d... I don't even know this. 407 00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:44,246 - You know, Z Cavariccis... They... they were a pant. 408 00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:47,209 And... and the waist of the pant was so high, it was like, 409 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,010 "What are you, a toreador?" - Mm-hmm. 410 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,513 - And they had these pockets that had these pleats on them, 411 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:55,007 which gave the illusion of hips on a man. 412 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:56,639 On a man. - Oh, yeah. 413 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,476 - The leg looked like an ice cream cone, 414 00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,941 Just, whoop! Tapered in here. 415 00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:03,062 And then at the bottom, you would take the excess 416 00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:05,319 and just go like that and roll them up 417 00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:08,151 to taper an already tapered pant! 418 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,987 Why are you tapering the tapered pant? 419 00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,664 - Why... why are you... why are you getting so mad? 420 00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,322 - Because I wore them, Jordan. 421 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:18,580 [Cheers and applause] 422 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,655 I wore them. 423 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:25,340 [Cheers and applause] 424 00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:29,301 [Soul music] 425 00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:34,224 - ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ Whoa oh oh ♪ 426 00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:38,345 - ♪ Oh ♪ - ♪ Whoa oh oh oh ♪ 427 00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:43,814 ♪ Ooh, you know that I been waiting ♪ 428 00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:47,188 ♪ Had this feeling for so long ♪ 429 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,396 ♪ And it feels so right, baby ♪ 430 00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:53,657 ♪ How could this feeling be wrong? ♪ 431 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:57,411 - ♪ Sometimes the thing that you been searching for ♪ 432 00:17:57,535 --> 00:18:00,535 ♪ Has been right there the whole time ♪ 433 00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:03,003 ♪ So, baby, I'm here to tell ya ♪ 434 00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:07,714 ♪ I'm waiting right here just to make you all mine, you ♪ 435 00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:11,337 ♪ You're the one I always hoped for, you ♪ 436 00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:14,676 - ♪ It's a feeling I can't hide, you ♪ 437 00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,802 - ♪ And I always been your baby ♪ 438 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:20,889 ♪ Standing right here by your side ♪ 439 00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:24,937 ♪ Yeah, it's been building up inside of me ♪ 440 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,402 ♪ And I just gotta come out ♪ 441 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:30,323 - ♪ And tell you what I'm feeling, girl ♪ 442 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:34,153 ♪ Tell you our love is what I'm talkin' about ♪ 443 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,910 - ♪ I gotta tell you what my heart knows ♪ 444 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:41,124 ♪ And what is has known for so long ♪ 445 00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:43,955 - ♪ I finally need to show you ♪ 446 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,751 ♪ My arms are wide open ♪ 447 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,955 ♪ That's where you belong, you ♪ 448 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,795 ♪ You know I'll make love to you gently, you ♪ 449 00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:52,382 - [screams] 450 00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:55,177 - ♪ The way I've seen it in my mind, you ♪ 451 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,761 - ♪ I will take care of you, baby ♪ 452 00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,387 - ♪ There ain't no rush, baby ♪ 453 00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:00,894 ♪ Let's take our sweet time ♪ 454 00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:02,885 - ♪ I do it to you slow ♪ 455 00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:04,637 ♪ The way you've never done before ♪ 456 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:07,939 - ♪ Open up your mind, I will open up your door ♪ 457 00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:11,784 - ♪ I been searchin' all around for the one I can call mine ♪ 458 00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,281 - ♪ Sometimes the thing you're searching for ♪ 459 00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:16,112 ♪ Has been there the whole time, you ♪ 460 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:19,989 - ♪ I want to give you all I got now, you ♪ 461 00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:23,447 - ♪ And I'll take all you can give, you ♪ 462 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:25,289 ♪ And I'll never turn my back on you ♪ 463 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,584 ♪ As long as we both shall live ♪ 464 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,578 - ♪ I'm talking 'bout you ♪ 465 00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:32,300 - ♪ You, standing right in front of you ♪ 466 00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:34,011 ♪ You, whoo ♪ 467 00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:35,591 ♪ Nothing left to hide ♪ 468 00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:38,336 ♪ Sugar, said I'm telling you ♪ 469 00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:42,349 ♪ Everything I've kept very deep inside ♪ 470 00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:45,603 ♪ Oh, rubbing up against your big, bald head ♪ 471 00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:47,226 ♪ Your big, bald head ♪ 472 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,483 ♪ I said your big, bald head, and then I ♪ 473 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,565 ♪ There's no one else I could be possibly ♪ 474 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,531 ♪ Talking about 'cause you are bald ♪ 475 00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,072 ♪ And you are here ♪ 476 00:19:56,195 --> 00:20:04,195 ♪ ♪ 477 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,289 ♪ You ♪ 478 00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:15,009 ♪ You're a woman, I'm a man now ♪ 479 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:17,921 ♪ And you know that's how I like it ♪ 480 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,590 ♪ And I'm specifically talkin' 'bout you ♪ 481 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,810 ♪ Because you're a girl, and I am the opposite ♪ 482 00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:27,681 ♪ You, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman ♪ 483 00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:31,690 ♪ You are a woman, I am a man ♪ 484 00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:34,654 ♪ You know I like women ♪ 485 00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:37,435 ♪ Because I am a man ♪ 486 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:41,950 ♪ Never liked a man in my life before ♪ 487 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,124 ♪ And I don't like one now ♪ 488 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,793 [cheers and applause] 489 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,583 - Thank you so much. - Thank you. 490 00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:49,866 - Good night, everybody. - Good night. 491 00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:51,039 - Good night. What? 492 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,577 You wanna go? You wanna go? 493 00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:54,290 - You wanna go? - You wanna do it? 494 00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:56,590 You wanna go do it right now? Let's go right now. 495 00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:57,764 - Let go of my shirt, dude. - Let go of my shirt, dude. 496 00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,262 - Let go of my... 497 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:02,263 - ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 498 00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:04,386 - Oh, yeah. 499 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:08,675 - We asked 'em to move black people down, please. 500 00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:10,639 - Black people in the front. - We have enough. 501 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:11,980 I love how, if you put white people in the back, 502 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,564 all of the sudden, they become rowdy. 503 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:16,689 What the fuck is that? "Yeah!" 504 00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:18,607 - See, we didn't really mind being in the back 505 00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:21,396 all those years. It's fun as shit back there. 38010

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