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Subtitles by explosiveskull
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In the West,
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00:00:28,394 --> 00:00:30,159
the Royals can
clinch that division
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00:00:30,161 --> 00:00:31,595
with a win over the Angels.
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00:00:31,597 --> 00:00:35,065
Last night's one-nothing
squeaker game, the Royals.
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00:00:35,067 --> 00:00:37,368
And once you get
a good rub on that loin,
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00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:38,535
it's all about smokin' it.
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And how long do you
normally smoke it?
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00:00:40,672 --> 00:00:43,507
Well, I smoke it
till it can't smoke no more.
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One, nothing lead.
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Good morning, Los Angeles
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00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:48,913
and welcome to the
Mystic Morning Show.
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00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:50,179
As always on Saturday mornings,
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00:00:50,181 --> 00:00:53,416
we have The Amazing
Fabular in studios
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00:00:53,418 --> 00:00:56,386
taking your calls and
enlightening us all
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00:00:56,388 --> 00:00:58,489
with his psychic powers.
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00:00:58,491 --> 00:01:01,524
First up, we have
Chaz from Mar Vista.
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00:01:01,526 --> 00:01:02,959
Good morning, Chaz.
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00:01:02,961 --> 00:01:04,228
Mornin'.
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00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:06,195
What can
Fabular do for you?
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00:01:06,197 --> 00:01:09,198
Well, I'd just like to
know where my dog Petey is.
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00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:14,206
He went missin' about three
weeks ago and I really miss him.
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00:01:16,943 --> 00:01:18,345
I'm seeing a dog.
24
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A medium-sized dog.
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00:01:22,581 --> 00:01:25,281
Oh, he was
pretty big, actually.
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Yes, a medium large dog.
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00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:33,691
Who's the B?
28
00:01:35,628 --> 00:01:37,627
I'm getting a strong sense of B.
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00:01:37,629 --> 00:01:38,528
Who's the B?
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My wife!
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00:01:39,497 --> 00:01:40,998
My wife's name is Barbara!
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Yes.
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00:01:43,001 --> 00:01:45,535
She is upset that
the dog is lost.
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Oh, no, she
didn't like the dog at all.
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00:01:49,474 --> 00:01:51,275
And by that, I
mean she is upset
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00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:54,578
with you that the dog is lost.
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00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:56,313
Yep, she wants me
to give up on him.
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00:01:56,315 --> 00:01:57,581
But you mustn't.
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00:01:57,583 --> 00:01:59,683
No, no, that's right.
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00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:07,523
I've got great news
for you, Charles.
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00:02:07,525 --> 00:02:08,658
Chaz.
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00:02:08,660 --> 00:02:11,527
Charles, Petey is on his
way home to you right now.
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00:02:11,529 --> 00:02:12,362
Really?
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00:02:12,364 --> 00:02:13,296
That's great.
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00:02:13,298 --> 00:02:16,432
Thank you, thank you, Fabular!
46
00:02:16,434 --> 00:02:18,701
I don't create what I see.
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I am merely the messenger.
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I'm comin', Petey!
49
00:02:21,673 --> 00:02:24,640
Thanks for the call, Chaz,
and good luck with Petey.
50
00:02:24,642 --> 00:02:28,645
Next up we have Tim Tai
Choi from Monterey Park.
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00:02:28,647 --> 00:02:31,281
What can Fabular do for you?
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00:02:31,283 --> 00:02:32,716
Yeah, hello.
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00:02:32,718 --> 00:02:36,020
I want to ask, Mr. Fabular.
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00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:40,626
Where you get off telling my
wife that I am cheating on her!
55
00:02:41,126 --> 00:02:45,128
The truth is liberating
but also very painful.
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00:02:45,130 --> 00:02:45,763
Liberating?
57
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:48,098
What liberating?
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00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:50,067
You ruined my wife,
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00:02:50,069 --> 00:02:51,769
- you ruined my life...
- Let it out.
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00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:53,569
- Let the pain out.
- And my marriage!
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00:02:53,571 --> 00:02:56,340
All right, next
up on line three,
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we have Josephine
from Rancho Cucamonga!
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00:03:01,213 --> 00:03:04,217
Good
morning, Fabular.
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00:03:05,350 --> 00:03:06,783
Fabular?
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00:03:06,785 --> 00:03:07,619
Fabular?
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00:03:10,155 --> 00:03:11,623
Hello?
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00:03:13,291 --> 00:03:14,557
Maybe now might be a good time
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00:03:14,559 --> 00:03:16,659
to take a short commercial break
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00:03:16,661 --> 00:03:21,400
while Fabular
takes a meditation.
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00:03:21,666 --> 00:03:23,599
You okay, buddy?
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00:03:25,637 --> 00:03:26,473
You okay?
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00:03:29,107 --> 00:03:29,742
Mason.
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00:03:43,655 --> 00:03:45,088
She's all yours, Jimmy.
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00:03:45,090 --> 00:03:46,355
Sure thing, Mr. Pearson.
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00:03:46,357 --> 00:03:48,192
And thanks for
that tip last week.
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00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:50,294
Did I give you a
big tip last week?
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00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:51,662
Oh, the advice.
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00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:52,528
How'd that go?
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00:03:52,530 --> 00:03:54,865
She broke up with me.
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00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:55,667
I see.
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00:03:57,702 --> 00:03:58,804
Keep the change.
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00:04:00,572 --> 00:04:01,206
Thanks.
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00:04:04,809 --> 00:04:06,810
Hey, it's the I Hate Kids guy!
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00:04:06,812 --> 00:04:08,047
My god.
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00:04:08,747 --> 00:04:10,480
Oh, yeah, yeah, that's me.
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00:04:10,482 --> 00:04:11,647
This is so cool!
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00:04:11,649 --> 00:04:13,783
I have been waiting
here all day.
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00:04:13,785 --> 00:04:15,118
Will you sign this for me?
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00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,886
Yeah, of course.
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00:04:16,888 --> 00:04:19,355
Man, you are a total genius.
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00:04:19,357 --> 00:04:20,591
Oh!
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00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:23,526
It's like you're
inside my head.
93
00:04:23,528 --> 00:04:26,129
When I found out I was
gonna have that one,
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00:04:26,131 --> 00:04:29,699
I sat in my garage and tried
to think of ways to end it all.
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00:04:29,701 --> 00:04:31,168
Well, the book's really
more tongue in cheek
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00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:32,769
for those who choose
not to have kids.
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00:04:32,771 --> 00:04:34,204
Exactly!
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00:04:34,206 --> 00:04:35,838
You totally blew my mind!
99
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:37,574
I was like, if I
ever meet this guy,
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00:04:37,576 --> 00:04:39,576
we are gonna be best friends
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00:04:39,578 --> 00:04:43,514
'cause having kids is
beyond life ruining
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00:04:43,516 --> 00:04:44,747
and you get it, bro.
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00:04:44,749 --> 00:04:45,651
You get it!
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00:04:46,819 --> 00:04:47,821
Here ya go
105
00:04:50,622 --> 00:04:51,922
Oh, yeah!
106
00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:52,759
Wow.
107
00:04:53,658 --> 00:04:54,624
That's enough.
108
00:04:54,626 --> 00:04:55,658
Thanks, buddy, that's enough.
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00:04:55,660 --> 00:04:57,096
Okay, I gotta.
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00:04:58,864 --> 00:04:59,896
Great meeting you.
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00:04:59,898 --> 00:05:01,201
Take care, kids.
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00:05:04,636 --> 00:05:05,935
Hey!
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00:05:05,937 --> 00:05:06,903
You know who that is?
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00:05:06,905 --> 00:05:08,107
You know who that is?
115
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:12,309
A little late,
aren't we, Nick?
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00:05:12,311 --> 00:05:13,576
Yeah, I'm a
little late, Walter.
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00:05:13,578 --> 00:05:14,778
I'm a little late.
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00:05:14,780 --> 00:05:17,381
I'm gonna need a shot
of liquid courage.
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00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:18,848
What do you suggest?
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00:05:18,850 --> 00:05:21,285
Well, if you were 15
minutes late, I'd say wine
121
00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:23,886
but since you've crossed
over the lateness equator,
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00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:26,423
I think we're
looking at bourbon.
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00:05:26,425 --> 00:05:28,725
It's your professionalism
I admire, Walter.
124
00:05:28,727 --> 00:05:29,762
Bourbon, it is.
125
00:05:31,196 --> 00:05:31,831
Perfect.
126
00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:34,831
You know, I finally
finished your book
127
00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:37,466
and I caught you on Kelly
and Ryan the other day.
128
00:05:37,468 --> 00:05:38,802
You're making quite a
stir with this whole
129
00:05:38,804 --> 00:05:40,771
I Hate Kids thing.
130
00:05:40,773 --> 00:05:41,939
Mm-hmm.
131
00:05:41,941 --> 00:05:43,940
Kelly wasn't having any of it.
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00:05:43,942 --> 00:05:44,908
No, she certainly was not.
133
00:05:44,910 --> 00:05:46,546
No, she wasn't.
134
00:05:47,713 --> 00:05:48,644
Luckily I have
a woman back here
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00:05:48,646 --> 00:05:51,150
who is more than okay with it.
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00:05:52,718 --> 00:05:54,854
Better not keep her waiting.
137
00:05:56,521 --> 00:05:57,589
Wish me luck.
138
00:05:59,758 --> 00:06:00,660
Good luck.
139
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:06,762
Sorry I'm late, folks.
140
00:06:06,764 --> 00:06:09,432
You know how these book
tour press junkets go.
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00:06:09,434 --> 00:06:10,802
Hey, Mom, hey, Dad.
142
00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:13,470
Hey, bro.
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00:06:13,472 --> 00:06:14,303
Hi, Kelly.
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00:06:14,305 --> 00:06:14,939
Oh.
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00:06:18,811 --> 00:06:19,742
You're lucky I love you.
146
00:06:19,744 --> 00:06:21,011
You do know what will happen
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00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:22,312
if you're late to the
actual wedding, right?
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00:06:22,314 --> 00:06:23,512
Of course.
149
00:06:23,514 --> 00:06:27,016
That's why I had my lawyer
make you executor of the will.
150
00:06:27,018 --> 00:06:29,386
Well, I know that we
just wanna thank you all
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00:06:29,388 --> 00:06:32,256
for being here with us
on this special occasion.
152
00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:36,863
I wanna make a toast to the
bravest woman I have ever met.
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00:06:37,929 --> 00:06:39,629
Anyone who can get hitched
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00:06:39,631 --> 00:06:43,934
to such a humongous bag of hot
air is truly one of a kind.
155
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:47,937
So here's to Sydney's mom.
156
00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:53,576
Sorry, Phil, I couldn't resist.
157
00:06:53,578 --> 00:06:55,045
Jeez!
158
00:06:55,047 --> 00:06:56,146
Reverend!
159
00:06:56,148 --> 00:06:58,014
And Nick does not consider
the evening a success
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00:06:58,016 --> 00:07:01,485
unless bourbon comes out of
Reverend McGooley's nose.
161
00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:03,754
Sorry, reverend,
it's the good stuff.
162
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,721
We're off to a great start.
163
00:07:05,723 --> 00:07:07,057
Here we go, folks.
164
00:07:07,059 --> 00:07:08,391
- Hang in there.
- Are you okay?
165
00:07:08,393 --> 00:07:09,959
All right.
166
00:07:09,961 --> 00:07:10,894
He's good.
167
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:16,766
Okay, my turn.
168
00:07:16,768 --> 00:07:23,775
When I first met Nick last year,
I was moderately impressed.
169
00:07:24,977 --> 00:07:27,978
He is clever, he is
devilishly handsome
170
00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:29,780
and handsomely devilish.
171
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:33,016
He keeps me laughing and
he is smart enough to know
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00:07:33,018 --> 00:07:35,519
when he has lost an argument.
173
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:38,555
But I knew that he was
the man of my dreams
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00:07:38,557 --> 00:07:42,658
when he spoke these three
precious words to me.
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00:07:42,660 --> 00:07:44,093
I hate kids.
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00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:48,564
What?
177
00:07:48,566 --> 00:07:51,537
Well, we're having a baby, so.
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00:07:52,537 --> 00:07:55,771
And since my brave and
very beautiful sister Kelly
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00:07:55,773 --> 00:07:58,608
is handling the creation
of grandchildren,
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00:07:58,610 --> 00:08:00,444
it frees Nick and I up to pursue
181
00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:03,112
a much less complicated
life together.
182
00:08:03,114 --> 00:08:05,749
Besides, over the years I've
managed to kill a hamster,
183
00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:09,019
a gerbil, two
turtles and a horse.
184
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:10,386
A horse?
185
00:08:10,388 --> 00:08:11,922
That was a joke, the horse.
186
00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:13,760
I didn't kill a horse.
187
00:08:14,792 --> 00:08:17,494
But my record as a care
provider is less than stellar
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00:08:17,496 --> 00:08:21,031
so here's to a
lifetime of adventures.
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00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:22,733
Just the two of us.
190
00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:24,100
Cheers!
191
00:08:24,102 --> 00:08:24,937
Cheers!
192
00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:33,045
Can I help you, sir?
193
00:08:34,646 --> 00:08:36,546
I think I need a drink.
194
00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:37,683
What'll it be?
195
00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:43,120
Something sweet with bubbles
and a splash of grenadine.
196
00:08:43,122 --> 00:08:44,687
Sounds serious.
197
00:08:44,689 --> 00:08:46,856
It's very serious.
198
00:08:46,858 --> 00:08:48,557
Do you wanna talk about it?
199
00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:50,826
It's family stuff.
200
00:08:50,828 --> 00:08:51,897
Here ya go.
201
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,173
Thanks.
202
00:09:04,175 --> 00:09:06,042
It's okay.
203
00:09:06,044 --> 00:09:06,942
It's on the house.
204
00:09:06,944 --> 00:09:08,577
Thanks.
205
00:09:08,579 --> 00:09:10,714
Do you know where
the Pearson party is?
206
00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:11,947
Yeah, it's down the hall,
207
00:09:11,949 --> 00:09:14,720
first set of double
doors on the left.
208
00:09:16,155 --> 00:09:17,589
Wish me luck.
209
00:09:18,991 --> 00:09:19,992
Good luck.
210
00:09:21,193 --> 00:09:24,494
Okay, I will
start the ceremony
211
00:09:24,496 --> 00:09:26,929
with a little introduction like,
212
00:09:26,931 --> 00:09:28,865
dearly beloved, we are
gathered here today
213
00:09:28,867 --> 00:09:33,702
in the presence of God to
join Nicholas Buchanan Pearson
214
00:09:33,704 --> 00:09:34,638
That's me.
215
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,173
and Sydney Dell Bartlett
in holy matrimony.
216
00:09:37,175 --> 00:09:38,874
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
217
00:09:38,876 --> 00:09:42,578
Di da di da, et cetera,
et cetera, et cetera.
218
00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:45,182
And then I'm required
by the collar to ask
219
00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:49,019
be there anyone here today
who knows of any reason
220
00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:53,123
why these two should not be
joined in holy matrimony?
221
00:09:53,125 --> 00:09:57,397
Speak now or forever
hold your peace.
222
00:09:58,130 --> 00:09:59,131
Excuse me.
223
00:10:00,665 --> 00:10:02,164
Can I help you, young man?
224
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:03,166
I do.
225
00:10:03,168 --> 00:10:04,533
You do what?
226
00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:07,203
Well, I mean, this seemed like
227
00:10:07,205 --> 00:10:09,072
the perfect moment to say it
228
00:10:09,074 --> 00:10:11,975
since you asked the
question, right?
229
00:10:11,977 --> 00:10:12,908
What's goin' on, buddy?
230
00:10:12,910 --> 00:10:15,512
What are you talkin' about?
231
00:10:15,514 --> 00:10:17,083
You're my father.
232
00:10:19,050 --> 00:10:21,585
It was just one night.
233
00:10:21,587 --> 00:10:22,619
Not you, sir.
234
00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:24,457
No, him.
235
00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:27,890
He's my father.
236
00:10:27,892 --> 00:10:29,860
I'm your dad?
237
00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:32,562
Yes, you're my father.
238
00:10:32,564 --> 00:10:34,434
Who is this, Nick?
239
00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:36,633
Who is this?
240
00:10:36,635 --> 00:10:37,634
Oh, ha, ha, ha.
241
00:10:37,636 --> 00:10:40,504
Very funny, hilarious!
242
00:10:40,506 --> 00:10:44,273
Whose inappropriate little
caper is this, Larry?
243
00:10:44,275 --> 00:10:45,241
Brian, you do this?
244
00:10:45,243 --> 00:10:46,842
No.
245
00:10:46,844 --> 00:10:47,844
Simon?
246
00:10:47,846 --> 00:10:49,078
- No.
- Not me.
247
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,679
Was it any of
these guys 'cause...
248
00:10:50,681 --> 00:10:53,182
I don't know who
these people are.
249
00:10:53,184 --> 00:10:55,251
Ooh, is that cake?
250
00:10:55,253 --> 00:10:56,753
I love cake.
251
00:10:56,755 --> 00:10:58,554
All right, son.
252
00:10:58,556 --> 00:11:01,023
You've had your little joke.
253
00:11:01,025 --> 00:11:02,859
Now just move along.
254
00:11:02,861 --> 00:11:04,894
It's not a joke, ma'am.
255
00:11:04,896 --> 00:11:06,196
He's my dad.
256
00:11:06,198 --> 00:11:08,999
All right, well,
in typical fashion,
257
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,201
my ingenious friends
at The Jonathan Club
258
00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:14,037
just don't know when
to end the sketch.
259
00:11:14,039 --> 00:11:15,238
I'm just gonna take a moment
260
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:19,042
to tip this little thespian
for his stirring performance
261
00:11:19,044 --> 00:11:22,814
and I'll be back before
you finish your cake.
262
00:11:24,181 --> 00:11:26,682
All right, I'm afraid I'm
unaware of the protocols
263
00:11:26,684 --> 00:11:29,318
when it comes to gratuities
for embarrassment
264
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:30,655
so bear with me.
265
00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:33,690
50 gonna do it?
266
00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:34,724
What are you talking about?
267
00:11:34,726 --> 00:11:35,892
I am talking about your tip.
268
00:11:35,894 --> 00:11:37,226
Just take it and
tell whoever sent you
269
00:11:37,228 --> 00:11:39,162
that you did an
absolutely smashing job
270
00:11:39,164 --> 00:11:40,697
of disrupting my evening.
271
00:11:40,699 --> 00:11:41,965
I don't want your money.
272
00:11:41,967 --> 00:11:42,932
Look, kid, take it.
273
00:11:42,934 --> 00:11:44,567
I'm not usually this generous.
274
00:11:44,569 --> 00:11:47,703
Listen, I need
you to find my mom.
275
00:11:47,705 --> 00:11:48,971
Buddy, I don't know you
276
00:11:48,973 --> 00:11:50,173
so I wouldn't know
who your mother is.
277
00:11:50,175 --> 00:11:53,309
Well, you must have known
her, at least a little bit.
278
00:11:53,311 --> 00:11:54,144
Why?
279
00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:55,177
Because you're my dad.
280
00:11:55,179 --> 00:11:56,078
Look, stop saying that.
281
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:56,812
I'm not your dad.
282
00:11:56,814 --> 00:11:57,480
- But you are.
- No, I'm not.
283
00:11:57,482 --> 00:11:58,347
- Yes, you are.
- I'm not!
284
00:11:58,349 --> 00:12:00,149
- Yes, you are!
- Stop contradicting me.
285
00:12:00,151 --> 00:12:00,951
See?
286
00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:01,784
You sound like a father.
287
00:12:01,786 --> 00:12:02,751
I do not.
288
00:12:02,753 --> 00:12:03,352
- Yes, you do.
- I do not.
289
00:12:03,354 --> 00:12:04,620
But really, you do.
290
00:12:04,622 --> 00:12:06,221
Look, this is ridiculous.
291
00:12:06,223 --> 00:12:07,624
No, thank you, we're all set.
292
00:12:07,626 --> 00:12:08,357
What does he want?
293
00:12:08,359 --> 00:12:09,292
He wants to give us a towel.
294
00:12:09,294 --> 00:12:10,125
Why?
295
00:12:10,127 --> 00:12:11,360
'Cause it's his job.
296
00:12:11,362 --> 00:12:12,062
Well, why don't you take a
towel and let him do his job?
297
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:12,861
'Cause I don't want a towel!
298
00:12:12,863 --> 00:12:13,663
I wanna get rid of
you and get back
299
00:12:13,665 --> 00:12:15,298
- to my wedding rehearsal.
- Thanks.
300
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:16,666
Can I keep this?
301
00:12:16,668 --> 00:12:17,366
No, yes, whatever,
I don't care.
302
00:12:17,368 --> 00:12:18,768
I don't care at all.
303
00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:20,370
Just take the money,
kid, and get outta here.
304
00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:21,904
Nick?
305
00:12:21,906 --> 00:12:23,773
What's going on?
306
00:12:23,775 --> 00:12:24,607
Is she supposed to be in here?
307
00:12:24,609 --> 00:12:25,808
No.
308
00:12:25,810 --> 00:12:26,743
Don't worry, Syd,
I'm handling it.
309
00:12:26,745 --> 00:12:28,211
Everyone's waiting for you.
310
00:12:28,213 --> 00:12:29,346
Did you know this man
gives free towels to people?
311
00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:31,380
Oh, hi, thank you.
312
00:12:31,382 --> 00:12:33,148
Nick, do you have a...?
313
00:12:33,150 --> 00:12:34,249
Yes, here, thank you so much.
314
00:12:34,251 --> 00:12:36,251
- Gotta go, coming through.
- That's for the towels.
315
00:12:36,253 --> 00:12:38,721
Look, Syd, I'll be
right there, okay?
316
00:12:38,723 --> 00:12:39,956
I'm just wrapping things up
317
00:12:39,958 --> 00:12:41,157
with our wonderful
performer there.
318
00:12:41,159 --> 00:12:42,325
Okay, please hurry.
319
00:12:42,327 --> 00:12:43,393
Yeah, two minutes, love.
320
00:12:43,395 --> 00:12:44,230
I promise.
321
00:12:46,631 --> 00:12:48,163
So what's the plan, Dad?
322
00:12:48,165 --> 00:12:48,999
Stop calling me
that, all right?
323
00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:50,100
I'm not your dad.
324
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:52,369
Where'd you get that stupid
idea from anyway, huh?
325
00:12:52,371 --> 00:12:54,137
From him.
326
00:12:54,139 --> 00:12:55,241
How do you do?
327
00:12:57,342 --> 00:12:59,875
I am The Amazing Fabular.
328
00:12:59,877 --> 00:13:01,644
What is that, a service rat?
329
00:13:01,646 --> 00:13:03,312
Mr. Sparkles is a dog.
330
00:13:03,314 --> 00:13:04,947
He is my portal to
other dimensions
331
00:13:04,949 --> 00:13:06,249
of sight and sound
that provide me
332
00:13:06,251 --> 00:13:08,784
with the gift of clairvoyance.
333
00:13:08,786 --> 00:13:11,421
Oh, you're a fortune teller?
334
00:13:12,256 --> 00:13:15,057
I am a world-class
psychic, sir.
335
00:13:15,059 --> 00:13:16,926
I have clients among persons
336
00:13:16,928 --> 00:13:19,328
of the most well-known
celebrity and high society.
337
00:13:19,330 --> 00:13:22,331
Yeah, and here you
are in the men's room.
338
00:13:22,333 --> 00:13:24,366
Hmm, as unaccustomed as I am
339
00:13:24,368 --> 00:13:26,201
to having to avouch
my credentials
340
00:13:26,203 --> 00:13:28,004
within earshot of
a public commode,
341
00:13:28,006 --> 00:13:30,407
I can tell you that unequivocally,
this boy tells the truth.
342
00:13:30,409 --> 00:13:32,008
You are his father.
343
00:13:32,010 --> 00:13:32,841
Oh, yeah?
344
00:13:32,843 --> 00:13:35,311
What makes you so sure?
345
00:13:35,313 --> 00:13:37,813
Mr. Sparkles told me.
346
00:13:39,684 --> 00:13:42,118
Oh, excuse me, let
me get this straight.
347
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,986
You want me to believe
that this man-child here
348
00:13:43,988 --> 00:13:45,355
is the fruit of my loins
349
00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:48,892
because you received
a cosmic message
350
00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:50,125
through the strange
little rodent
351
00:13:50,127 --> 00:13:51,226
that's tucked in your armpit?
352
00:13:51,228 --> 00:13:52,227
Is that it?
353
00:13:52,229 --> 00:13:53,929
Precisely, ruff!
354
00:13:53,931 --> 00:13:55,465
Excuse me, I'm due
back on planet Earth.
355
00:13:55,467 --> 00:14:00,269
Uh-uh, perhaps, these DNA
results will convince you.
356
00:14:00,271 --> 00:14:01,172
DNA what?
357
00:14:08,346 --> 00:14:10,212
Nicholas, Nicholas!
358
00:14:10,214 --> 00:14:13,249
What is this crap about
me gettin' cut off, huh?
359
00:14:13,251 --> 00:14:15,085
It's humiliating.
360
00:14:15,087 --> 00:14:17,352
Nicholas, what
has gotten into you?
361
00:14:17,354 --> 00:14:19,188
I mean, what in the
world is going on?
362
00:14:19,190 --> 00:14:20,990
I am very disappointed in you.
363
00:14:20,992 --> 00:14:22,158
Tell Syd
364
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:23,025
- that I will be right in.
- And by the way,
365
00:14:23,027 --> 00:14:25,294
who the, is that kid?
366
00:14:25,296 --> 00:14:26,895
- I will be right back.
- Money into this...
367
00:14:26,897 --> 00:14:27,897
Take the reverend with you.
368
00:14:27,899 --> 00:14:30,369
Get him a drink,
get me one, too.
369
00:14:32,036 --> 00:14:34,471
All right, I don't know
what to make of this.
370
00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:38,374
And you've kind of caught me
at an awkward moment so just
371
00:14:38,376 --> 00:14:40,409
meet me at this address
at 11 p.m. tonight.
372
00:14:40,411 --> 00:14:41,778
Can you do that?
373
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:42,812
Sure.
374
00:14:42,814 --> 00:14:44,279
All right.
375
00:14:44,281 --> 00:14:45,514
Why don't you take that towel
and get rid of that thing
376
00:14:45,516 --> 00:14:48,253
that's hanging from
your nostril, kid?
377
00:14:49,954 --> 00:14:51,122
Thanks, Dad.
378
00:14:53,391 --> 00:14:54,894
See you tonight.
379
00:14:56,761 --> 00:14:58,427
I see good things
in your future.
380
00:14:58,429 --> 00:15:00,429
Bye, Mom, bye, Dad.
381
00:15:00,431 --> 00:15:03,166
- Goodbye, cake eater.
- I love you so, so much.
382
00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:04,466
Thank you for everything.
383
00:15:04,468 --> 00:15:05,501
I'll see you Sunday
384
00:15:05,503 --> 00:15:06,870
- at the wedding.
- Love you, honey.
385
00:15:06,872 --> 00:15:08,804
- I love you, Dad.
- Bye, dear.
386
00:15:08,806 --> 00:15:10,105
Oh, bye, bye, guys.
387
00:15:10,107 --> 00:15:10,940
Hey.
388
00:15:10,942 --> 00:15:11,874
Sorry.
389
00:15:11,876 --> 00:15:12,908
What was that all about?
390
00:15:12,910 --> 00:15:13,842
What?
391
00:15:13,844 --> 00:15:15,477
The whole kid prank thing?
392
00:15:15,479 --> 00:15:16,513
Who would do that?
393
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:17,413
That's not cool.
394
00:15:17,415 --> 00:15:19,048
I know, it was so
tasteless, right?
395
00:15:19,050 --> 00:15:20,549
And that kid wouldn't
tell me who hired him.
396
00:15:20,551 --> 00:15:22,818
He must have been
paid a lot of money.
397
00:15:22,820 --> 00:15:23,452
He's a good actor.
398
00:15:23,454 --> 00:15:24,888
Yeah.
399
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:26,822
Anyway, it's an
awkward memory now.
400
00:15:26,824 --> 00:15:28,857
Hey, this book publicity
has just got me exhausted.
401
00:15:28,859 --> 00:15:30,493
My bed is calling me.
402
00:15:30,495 --> 00:15:32,128
Oh, yeah, honey, I understand.
403
00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:33,163
Why don't you go get some sleep?
404
00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:34,096
- Okay.
- I'm gonna stay
405
00:15:34,098 --> 00:15:35,565
and have a drink with Kelly.
406
00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:37,466
I'm gonna drink,
she's gonna eat cake.
407
00:15:37,468 --> 00:15:38,802
Okay.
408
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:39,802
Hey, Syd?
409
00:15:39,804 --> 00:15:40,436
Yes?
410
00:15:40,438 --> 00:15:41,804
I love you.
411
00:15:41,806 --> 00:15:43,139
You'd better, there's
no going back now.
412
00:15:43,141 --> 00:15:44,374
But I will see you tomorrow.
413
00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:45,508
We've gotta go over
music for the band
414
00:15:45,510 --> 00:15:47,277
and seating arrangements.
415
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:48,177
Can't wait.
416
00:15:48,179 --> 00:15:49,546
Mwah, 10:15!
417
00:15:49,548 --> 00:15:50,413
With bells on!
418
00:15:50,415 --> 00:15:51,250
Okay.
419
00:15:54,553 --> 00:15:55,585
He seems in a hurry.
420
00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:57,220
He's
dead tired, Kelly.
421
00:15:57,222 --> 00:15:58,421
Uh-huh.
422
00:15:58,423 --> 00:15:59,589
What's
that supposed to mean?
423
00:15:59,591 --> 00:16:02,057
Uh-huh, from the Latin.
424
00:16:02,059 --> 00:16:03,860
Uh meaning he's acting fishy,
425
00:16:03,862 --> 00:16:05,828
and huh meaning he's
up to something.
426
00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:07,529
Okay, spare me your
paranoid fantasies.
427
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:09,966
I know you don't like Nick
but you gotta get used to him.
428
00:16:09,968 --> 00:16:11,567
As of Sunday, he's family.
429
00:16:11,569 --> 00:16:13,168
I like him fine.
430
00:16:13,170 --> 00:16:15,504
He's just, you
know, he's a little,
431
00:16:15,506 --> 00:16:17,173
a little too perfect.
432
00:16:17,175 --> 00:16:18,474
You talking about in bed?
433
00:16:18,476 --> 00:16:19,511
What?
434
00:16:21,112 --> 00:16:25,081
- Don't hit my belly!
- I didn't mean to!
435
00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:26,048
Can I have your wine?
436
00:16:26,050 --> 00:16:26,883
No, you can't have wine.
437
00:16:26,885 --> 00:16:27,517
Can I have a sip?
438
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:29,288
No wine, no sips.
439
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:36,426
First of all,
absolutely no one
440
00:16:36,428 --> 00:16:38,094
can know about this meeting.
441
00:16:38,096 --> 00:16:39,596
Is that clear?
442
00:16:39,598 --> 00:16:41,163
Perhaps we should talk in code
443
00:16:41,165 --> 00:16:42,565
in case your house
has been bugged
444
00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:44,533
by the secret paternity police?
445
00:16:44,535 --> 00:16:46,536
I'm so glad you're
amused by this.
446
00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:48,104
You have no idea what
this could do to me.
447
00:16:48,106 --> 00:16:49,441
Oh, yes, I do.
448
00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:51,674
Scandal!
449
00:16:51,676 --> 00:16:54,543
Man who makes fun of people
who have children for a living
450
00:16:54,545 --> 00:16:56,645
doesn't know he
has one of his own.
451
00:16:56,647 --> 00:16:58,047
Tabloids love that
kind of stuff.
452
00:16:58,049 --> 00:16:59,982
It's not just that.
453
00:16:59,984 --> 00:17:00,616
It's Sydney.
454
00:17:00,618 --> 00:17:02,284
Who's he?
455
00:17:02,286 --> 00:17:05,020
She is my fiancee and we're
getting married on Sunday.
456
00:17:05,022 --> 00:17:05,989
What's wrong?
457
00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:07,957
You don't think she'll like me?
458
00:17:07,959 --> 00:17:10,660
Well, children aren't
part of our plan.
459
00:17:10,662 --> 00:17:13,061
Well, you should have made
that plan before you made me.
460
00:17:13,063 --> 00:17:15,198
Preach the gospel.
461
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,299
That's insane.
462
00:17:17,301 --> 00:17:20,536
How do I even know
that this is my DNA?
463
00:17:20,538 --> 00:17:23,105
Well, about six months ago,
464
00:17:23,107 --> 00:17:25,141
I was listening to
Fabular's radio show.
465
00:17:25,143 --> 00:17:27,210
Saturday mornings,
we have The Amazing Fabular.
466
00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:29,479
Which I really like to
listen to every Saturday.
467
00:17:29,481 --> 00:17:32,115
I like the extra sensory
perception and stuff.
468
00:17:32,117 --> 00:17:36,019
And all of a sudden, The
Amazing Fabular says...
469
00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:36,856
Mason?
470
00:17:38,022 --> 00:17:40,192
I know who your father is.
471
00:17:41,358 --> 00:17:44,493
So of course I'm
like, wait a second.
472
00:17:44,495 --> 00:17:48,664
My name is Mason so maybe I'm
the Mason he's talking about.
473
00:17:48,666 --> 00:17:52,101
So I call up the show and
Fabular tells me it's me
474
00:17:52,103 --> 00:17:56,471
and that my dad's a famous
writer named Nick Pearson.
475
00:17:56,473 --> 00:17:57,475
That's you.
476
00:17:58,609 --> 00:18:00,375
Yes, I know that that's me.
477
00:18:00,377 --> 00:18:01,611
I mean, what are the odds?
478
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:04,614
Crazy ones, if you think about
it because when I was born,
479
00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:06,582
Mason was a super popular name,
480
00:18:06,584 --> 00:18:09,585
so there are like
a kajillion Masons.
481
00:18:09,587 --> 00:18:10,953
Sure, okay.
482
00:18:10,955 --> 00:18:12,321
So then I went on the internet
483
00:18:12,323 --> 00:18:14,156
and I Googled Nick Pearson.
484
00:18:14,158 --> 00:18:16,259
And a lot of stuff came up
about how you write books,
485
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:18,361
about how you hate
kids and little dogs.
486
00:18:18,363 --> 00:18:19,695
Yeah, and I hate psychics.
487
00:18:19,697 --> 00:18:21,663
Where are your manners?
488
00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:23,665
Go on, come on.
489
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:25,634
Get to the DNA bit.
490
00:18:25,636 --> 00:18:28,438
Right, well, I needed
some part of your body.
491
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,440
So I went on eBay
and I found somebody
492
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:32,040
selling a lock of your hair.
493
00:18:32,042 --> 00:18:33,142
What?
494
00:18:33,144 --> 00:18:34,743
Yeah, it's your barber.
495
00:18:34,745 --> 00:18:36,578
He collects the hair
of his famous clients
496
00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:38,349
and sells it on eBay.
497
00:18:39,751 --> 00:18:41,651
That could be anybody's hair.
498
00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:44,119
Is your barber named
Nino Spaghettios?
499
00:18:44,121 --> 00:18:45,755
Nino Spanetti.
500
00:18:45,757 --> 00:18:47,656
Oh, my god.
501
00:18:47,658 --> 00:18:51,027
So then I bid on
the auction and I won.
502
00:18:51,029 --> 00:18:54,696
Then I found a place on the
internet that does DNA testing.
503
00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:59,704
So I cut off a piece of my
hair and sent in those samples.
504
00:19:02,507 --> 00:19:04,643
A few weeks later,
the results came back.
505
00:19:06,744 --> 00:19:08,544
It was a match!
506
00:19:08,546 --> 00:19:09,511
Yes!
507
00:19:09,513 --> 00:19:10,348
Yes, yes!
508
00:19:11,415 --> 00:19:13,715
So then I called The
Amazing Fabular to tell him
509
00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:15,550
and he said he wanted
see the look on your face
510
00:19:15,552 --> 00:19:17,053
when I told you.
511
00:19:17,055 --> 00:19:20,059
There's nothing
like live theater.
512
00:19:24,361 --> 00:19:26,662
I know what I'm gonna
title my next book.
513
00:19:26,664 --> 00:19:30,732
I Hate the Internet
and Hairstylists.
514
00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:32,737
Don't forget psychics.
515
00:19:34,571 --> 00:19:35,573
All right.
516
00:19:37,041 --> 00:19:38,508
What do you want, kid?
517
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,042
I just wanna find my mom.
518
00:19:40,044 --> 00:19:40,979
Your mom?
519
00:19:42,146 --> 00:19:44,279
Who's been taking care
of you all these years?
520
00:19:44,281 --> 00:19:46,449
I have a foster mother.
521
00:19:46,451 --> 00:19:48,084
Annie Gordon.
522
00:19:48,086 --> 00:19:49,719
This is really good, Annie.
523
00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:52,488
But she's getting really old.
524
00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:54,425
And she has narcolepsy.
525
00:19:56,694 --> 00:19:57,593
Annie?
526
00:19:57,595 --> 00:19:59,429
She can't take care
of herself anymore
527
00:19:59,431 --> 00:20:02,464
so she's being moved into a home
528
00:20:02,466 --> 00:20:05,535
which means I'll end
up back in foster care.
529
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:09,471
That's why she let me come here
with Fabular to find my mom.
530
00:20:09,473 --> 00:20:13,409
A wise, wise woman, with
an acute sense of character.
531
00:20:13,411 --> 00:20:16,278
I imagine she wouldn't
like you very much.
532
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,614
Look, I know you
don't want me, Nick
533
00:20:18,616 --> 00:20:20,282
because you're famous
for hating kids and all.
534
00:20:20,284 --> 00:20:23,755
No, I don't exactly hate kids.
535
00:20:24,455 --> 00:20:28,292
You're the only one
who knows who my mom is.
536
00:20:32,363 --> 00:20:34,366
Okay, how old are you?
537
00:20:35,332 --> 00:20:36,134
13.
538
00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:38,337
13 plus nine.
539
00:20:40,204 --> 00:20:43,375
Where was I 14 years ago?
540
00:20:45,844 --> 00:20:47,576
Oh, my god.
541
00:20:47,578 --> 00:20:50,779
All right, this is gonna be
more difficult than I thought.
542
00:20:50,781 --> 00:20:55,617
Let's say I was acquainted
with a lotta different ladies
543
00:20:55,619 --> 00:20:57,185
at that time of my life.
544
00:20:57,187 --> 00:20:58,253
How quaint.
545
00:20:58,255 --> 00:20:59,454
And that's the other issue.
546
00:20:59,456 --> 00:21:03,192
I don't want my fiancee or
my in-laws to know about this
547
00:21:03,194 --> 00:21:05,327
bountiful romantic
history of mine.
548
00:21:05,329 --> 00:21:07,262
You have such
a way with words.
549
00:21:07,264 --> 00:21:09,432
You really should be
writing cards for Hallmark.
550
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:11,166
Hey, if you're
such a good psychic,
551
00:21:11,168 --> 00:21:13,869
how come you can't
see who his mother is?
552
00:21:13,871 --> 00:21:15,904
Because this journey was meant
553
00:21:15,906 --> 00:21:17,339
for the both of you
to take together.
554
00:21:17,341 --> 00:21:18,807
Isn't that right, Mr. Sparkles?
555
00:21:21,879 --> 00:21:23,081
All right.
556
00:21:25,617 --> 00:21:29,352
Despite the chorus
of voices in my head
557
00:21:29,354 --> 00:21:30,586
that are screaming like banshees
558
00:21:30,588 --> 00:21:33,759
to run like hell
from you two weirdos,
559
00:21:35,559 --> 00:21:36,858
I'll help you.
560
00:21:36,860 --> 00:21:37,960
Really?
561
00:21:37,962 --> 00:21:42,765
But the deal is I will
give you two days of my time
562
00:21:42,767 --> 00:21:45,867
and if we don't discover
who your mom is by then,
563
00:21:45,869 --> 00:21:46,803
you move on, I move on
564
00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:48,570
and we close this
chapter of our lives.
565
00:21:48,572 --> 00:21:49,638
Is that clear?
566
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:50,441
Deal.
567
00:21:55,245 --> 00:21:56,945
All right, meet me back
here tomorrow morning.
568
00:21:56,947 --> 00:21:59,548
I'll research the possibilities.
569
00:21:59,550 --> 00:22:00,916
And with any luck, I'll wake up
570
00:22:00,918 --> 00:22:04,819
and this will be a
bourbon-induced nightmare.
571
00:22:04,821 --> 00:22:06,288
Let us take leave
of this Lothario
572
00:22:06,290 --> 00:22:08,223
and investigate the
many places this man
573
00:22:08,225 --> 00:22:10,395
may have planted his seed.
574
00:22:11,596 --> 00:22:13,598
We'll see ourselves out.
575
00:22:14,499 --> 00:22:16,332
Night, Dad.
576
00:22:16,334 --> 00:22:18,401
Good night, kid.
577
00:22:18,403 --> 00:22:19,471
It's Mason.
578
00:22:20,370 --> 00:22:21,839
Good night, Mason.
579
00:22:40,224 --> 00:22:41,324
Thank you.
580
00:22:41,326 --> 00:22:42,592
Thanks, come again.
581
00:22:44,896 --> 00:22:46,528
Hey, sweetheart,
where are you?
582
00:22:46,530 --> 00:22:47,430
Don't say late.
583
00:22:47,432 --> 00:22:48,297
Where is he?
584
00:22:49,767 --> 00:22:52,768
Hey, look, Syd, a
little situation came up.
585
00:22:52,770 --> 00:22:53,935
A situation?
586
00:22:53,937 --> 00:22:55,304
Oh, really?
587
00:22:55,306 --> 00:22:56,605
I said, shush!
588
00:22:56,607 --> 00:22:57,573
What'd you say?
589
00:22:57,575 --> 00:22:58,406
Not you, hon.
590
00:22:58,408 --> 00:22:59,909
What's going on?
591
00:22:59,911 --> 00:23:02,612
Oh, well, so I got a call
from Albert this morning.
592
00:23:02,614 --> 00:23:05,881
It turns out one of their
college circuit lecturers
593
00:23:05,883 --> 00:23:07,282
dropped out.
594
00:23:07,284 --> 00:23:09,986
I gotta pop up to Santa
Barbara and fill in.
595
00:23:09,988 --> 00:23:11,621
And you agreed?
596
00:23:11,623 --> 00:23:12,989
You've gotta be
kidding me, Nick!
597
00:23:12,991 --> 00:23:14,289
What is it?
598
00:23:14,291 --> 00:23:15,525
- What is he doing?
- Stop!
599
00:23:15,527 --> 00:23:17,727
I know that the timing is
inconvenient but it's Albert.
600
00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:18,961
It's not like I
can say no to him.
601
00:23:18,963 --> 00:23:20,296
He's my publisher, babe.
602
00:23:20,298 --> 00:23:21,864
A little inconvenient?
603
00:23:21,866 --> 00:23:23,932
The wedding is this Sunday!
604
00:23:23,934 --> 00:23:25,567
I mean, can't they
find somebody else?
605
00:23:25,569 --> 00:23:27,903
Maybe somebody who
isn't about to celebrate
606
00:23:27,905 --> 00:23:30,405
the most important day
of their entire life?
607
00:23:30,407 --> 00:23:32,040
I'll only be gone a day.
608
00:23:32,042 --> 00:23:32,874
Maybe two.
609
00:23:32,876 --> 00:23:33,808
Two?
610
00:23:33,810 --> 00:23:35,744
I don't know what to say.
611
00:23:35,746 --> 00:23:36,979
I'll be back
before you know it.
612
00:23:36,981 --> 00:23:38,681
Besides, don't they
say it's bad luck
613
00:23:38,683 --> 00:23:40,950
for the groom to see the
bride before the wedding?
614
00:23:40,952 --> 00:23:43,586
But they don't mean
the whole weekend!
615
00:23:43,588 --> 00:23:46,355
And I love how understanding
you're being, honey.
616
00:23:46,357 --> 00:23:48,758
No, I'm actually not
being understanding.
617
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,661
This is not the sound of
someone being understanding.
618
00:23:51,663 --> 00:23:53,061
Oh, my gosh.
619
00:23:53,063 --> 00:23:54,763
Okay, so now you
suddenly have to disappear
620
00:23:54,765 --> 00:23:56,565
for a few days right
before your own wedding?
621
00:23:56,567 --> 00:23:57,932
That sounds pretty
suspicious to me, Nick.
622
00:23:57,934 --> 00:24:00,001
Hey, Kelly, my
favorite sister.
623
00:24:00,003 --> 00:24:01,971
In-law.
624
00:24:01,973 --> 00:24:03,638
All right, look,
I gotta get going
625
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,611
so tell Syd I'll ring her
when I get there, bye.
626
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,315
I'm telling you,
he's up to something.
627
00:24:12,317 --> 00:24:14,049
Maybe it is something good.
628
00:24:14,051 --> 00:24:16,451
Did you ever think of that?
629
00:24:16,453 --> 00:24:20,556
No, Sydney, there is
something he's not telling you.
630
00:24:20,558 --> 00:24:21,723
And I think it has
something to do
631
00:24:21,725 --> 00:24:23,558
with that kid from last night.
632
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:25,961
Nick just explained
the situation
633
00:24:25,963 --> 00:24:27,762
and I have no reason
not to trust him.
634
00:24:27,764 --> 00:24:29,664
I'm just saying.
635
00:24:29,666 --> 00:24:30,836
I have to pee.
636
00:24:32,436 --> 00:24:34,103
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
637
00:24:34,105 --> 00:24:35,337
The baby's kicking!
638
00:24:35,339 --> 00:24:35,971
You wanna feel it?
639
00:24:35,973 --> 00:24:37,440
No, I'm okay.
640
00:24:37,442 --> 00:24:38,641
No, no, come on,
feel it, feel it.
641
00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:39,575
No, I actually
don't wanna feel it.
642
00:24:39,577 --> 00:24:40,576
Just feel it for a second.
643
00:24:40,578 --> 00:24:41,176
- Just for a second.
- Actually, I don't really
644
00:24:41,178 --> 00:24:41,877
- want to.
- No, come here.
645
00:24:41,879 --> 00:24:45,013
Say hello to your Aunt Sydney!
646
00:24:45,015 --> 00:24:46,949
Ooh, it's just so weird!
647
00:24:46,951 --> 00:24:48,351
It's so strange!
648
00:24:48,353 --> 00:24:50,553
Why can't human
beings just lay eggs
649
00:24:50,555 --> 00:24:53,388
like more sensible species
of the animal kingdom?
650
00:24:53,390 --> 00:24:55,090
Like peacocks and platypuses.
651
00:24:55,092 --> 00:24:57,396
It's just so much easier.
652
00:25:05,536 --> 00:25:07,369
Ow!
653
00:25:09,741 --> 00:25:11,073
Whoa, what the?
654
00:25:11,075 --> 00:25:11,977
Surprise.
655
00:25:13,377 --> 00:25:14,277
How'd you get in here?
656
00:25:14,279 --> 00:25:15,911
You said to come
back in the morning.
657
00:25:15,913 --> 00:25:18,047
The door was unlocked.
658
00:25:18,049 --> 00:25:20,115
What are you doing
to my furniture?
659
00:25:20,117 --> 00:25:22,050
The feng shui was off.
660
00:25:22,052 --> 00:25:23,986
It simply had to be done.
661
00:25:23,988 --> 00:25:25,988
Fabular needs room
to have a clean aura
662
00:25:25,990 --> 00:25:27,390
to receive messages.
663
00:25:27,392 --> 00:25:28,891
Yeah?
664
00:25:28,893 --> 00:25:31,026
Is he receiving the message
I'm sending him right now?
665
00:25:31,028 --> 00:25:32,461
Do you loofah?
666
00:25:32,463 --> 00:25:33,429
Do I what?
667
00:25:33,431 --> 00:25:34,963
Loofah, I mean, do you loofah?
668
00:25:34,965 --> 00:25:35,798
I don't loofah.
669
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:37,098
You should loofah.
670
00:25:37,100 --> 00:25:38,768
I don't wanna loofah.
671
00:25:38,770 --> 00:25:40,403
It removes the dead cells
672
00:25:40,405 --> 00:25:44,774
and helps add a delightful
luster to your skin.
673
00:25:44,776 --> 00:25:46,875
I got a book on the New
York Times Best Seller list.
674
00:25:46,877 --> 00:25:48,646
I don't need a
delightful luster.
675
00:25:55,819 --> 00:25:59,457
Your rat took a
dump on my carpet.
676
00:26:00,957 --> 00:26:03,124
Oh, Mr. Sparkles!
677
00:26:03,126 --> 00:26:06,598
Why didn't you tell me you
needed to make a stinky?
678
00:26:08,433 --> 00:26:10,633
Santa Barbara, huh?
679
00:26:10,635 --> 00:26:12,634
Ooh, maybe you should pop
by for a surprise visit.
680
00:26:12,636 --> 00:26:14,170
Ha, ha, that's funny
681
00:26:14,172 --> 00:26:16,172
but we still have to hit the
bridal shop and nail salon.
682
00:26:16,174 --> 00:26:17,906
Okay, I was just saying, I
thought it'd be a nice gesture.
683
00:26:17,908 --> 00:26:20,009
That would be a sneaky
and suspicious gesture.
684
00:26:20,011 --> 00:26:21,176
Only if he's actually there.
685
00:26:21,178 --> 00:26:22,044
Of course he's there!
686
00:26:22,046 --> 00:26:23,179
Just stop it, Kelly.
687
00:26:23,181 --> 00:26:25,079
There's no way you're
getting into my head on this.
688
00:26:25,081 --> 00:26:26,147
I'm pretty sure I will.
689
00:26:26,149 --> 00:26:28,152
Just drink your juice.
690
00:26:30,954 --> 00:26:32,153
Last night, I sorted
through all these letters
691
00:26:32,155 --> 00:26:35,691
and address books and I came
up with a few possibilities.
692
00:26:35,693 --> 00:26:38,530
Mmm, I'm sensing
something here.
693
00:26:39,797 --> 00:26:41,196
Oh, I'm so glad you're here
694
00:26:41,198 --> 00:26:43,566
to substantiate all my research.
695
00:26:43,568 --> 00:26:45,867
I'm getting an A.
696
00:26:45,869 --> 00:26:47,569
A really big A.
697
00:26:47,571 --> 00:26:49,471
Well, that makes two of us.
698
00:26:49,473 --> 00:26:51,140
Such darkness!
699
00:26:51,142 --> 00:26:53,608
Well, I'm filled with darkness
before my morning coffee.
700
00:26:53,610 --> 00:26:54,844
You can make fun
of me all you wish
701
00:26:54,846 --> 00:26:56,479
but I'm still the one
who identified you
702
00:26:56,481 --> 00:26:57,180
as the boy's father.
703
00:26:57,182 --> 00:26:59,147
Yep, you keep telling me that.
704
00:26:59,149 --> 00:27:00,182
But I'm the one who
had to figure out
705
00:27:00,184 --> 00:27:02,852
which of three Christines
might be his mother.
706
00:27:02,854 --> 00:27:04,185
Three Christine's?
707
00:27:04,187 --> 00:27:05,221
Yeah, three Christine's,
two Jennifer's,
708
00:27:05,223 --> 00:27:06,788
two Barbara's, four Patty's...
709
00:27:06,790 --> 00:27:09,258
♪ And a partridge
in a pear tree ♪
710
00:27:09,260 --> 00:27:11,759
Please don't sing ever again.
711
00:27:11,761 --> 00:27:13,962
All right, the point is anyway
that I managed to pinpoint
712
00:27:13,964 --> 00:27:16,065
the ones who mathematically
fit the chronology.
713
00:27:16,067 --> 00:27:18,733
And none of them begin with A.
714
00:27:18,735 --> 00:27:21,903
So then, how do we figure
out which one's my mother?
715
00:27:21,905 --> 00:27:23,239
We're gonna take a
little road trip.
716
00:27:23,241 --> 00:27:24,874
I contacted the ladies,
they know we're coming,
717
00:27:24,876 --> 00:27:26,541
they just don't know why yet.
718
00:27:26,543 --> 00:27:28,176
Why wouldn't
you just ask them?
719
00:27:28,178 --> 00:27:29,244
Because I think
something as delicate
720
00:27:29,246 --> 00:27:30,980
as one's potential maternity
721
00:27:30,982 --> 00:27:33,214
is probably best
discussed face to face.
722
00:27:33,216 --> 00:27:34,149
Got ya.
723
00:27:34,151 --> 00:27:35,284
All right, let's get goin'.
724
00:27:35,286 --> 00:27:36,117
We have a large amount of people
725
00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:37,853
to cover in a small
amount of time.
726
00:27:37,855 --> 00:27:39,821
Not unlike your
illustrious past.
727
00:27:39,823 --> 00:27:41,123
Does he really need to come?
728
00:27:41,125 --> 00:27:41,759
Definitely.
729
00:27:42,626 --> 00:27:43,992
Let it be known that I require
730
00:27:43,994 --> 00:27:46,028
this safari of
yours to end early
731
00:27:46,030 --> 00:27:48,963
as I'm supposed to be at the
Holiday Inn Burbank on Friday
732
00:27:48,965 --> 00:27:51,200
to deliver a keynote speech
to a symposium of my peers.
733
00:27:51,202 --> 00:27:52,934
And my peers tend to be snippy.
734
00:27:52,936 --> 00:27:54,702
If we're not done by then,
I'll have a lot more to answer
735
00:27:54,704 --> 00:27:56,905
to than a bunch of
phony soothsayers.
736
00:27:56,907 --> 00:27:59,208
Guys, this car
only has two seats.
737
00:27:59,210 --> 00:28:00,212
Right.
738
00:28:01,178 --> 00:28:02,978
I guess we'll have
to take the Fab-Mobile.
739
00:28:02,980 --> 00:28:04,212
The Fab-Mobile?
740
00:28:04,214 --> 00:28:05,649
The Fab-Mobile.
741
00:28:08,219 --> 00:28:09,254
Perfect.
742
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:14,722
So, what's the name of
this first member of your
743
00:28:14,724 --> 00:28:16,962
countless sexual conquests?
744
00:28:17,861 --> 00:28:19,894
Carla Intintoli.
745
00:28:19,896 --> 00:28:21,730
I like the name Carla.
746
00:28:21,732 --> 00:28:23,234
Carla Intintoli.
747
00:28:24,268 --> 00:28:25,634
She is from Italy.
748
00:28:25,636 --> 00:28:28,237
No, her dad's Brazilian.
749
00:28:28,239 --> 00:28:29,140
Yes, he is.
750
00:28:30,273 --> 00:28:33,208
He was a farmer and
he used his hand
751
00:28:33,210 --> 00:28:34,276
to make money for the family.
752
00:28:34,278 --> 00:28:35,644
What are you doing?
753
00:28:35,646 --> 00:28:36,578
Are you doing psychic
stuff right now?
754
00:28:36,580 --> 00:28:37,645
Don't do that right now, okay?
755
00:28:37,647 --> 00:28:39,213
I can't help my blessings.
756
00:28:39,215 --> 00:28:41,016
They just come to me, Nick.
757
00:28:41,018 --> 00:28:42,250
Really?
758
00:28:42,252 --> 00:28:43,885
I thought Mr. Sparkles
here was the gifted one.
759
00:28:43,887 --> 00:28:46,255
Well, it goes to
Sparkles, then to Fabular.
760
00:28:46,257 --> 00:28:47,959
All right, okay.
761
00:28:48,858 --> 00:28:50,291
Just don't say anything
762
00:28:50,293 --> 00:28:53,261
'cause I don't wanna
freak Carla out.
763
00:28:53,263 --> 00:28:55,165
It'll be my pleasure.
764
00:28:56,666 --> 00:28:58,601
You think she'll remember you?
765
00:28:58,603 --> 00:29:00,205
They never forget.
766
00:29:06,676 --> 00:29:08,277
Nick?
767
00:29:08,279 --> 00:29:09,845
Hi, Carla.
768
00:29:09,847 --> 00:29:11,279
Is that really you?
769
00:29:11,281 --> 00:29:12,317
It's me.
770
00:29:14,117 --> 00:29:14,953
Wow.
771
00:29:15,953 --> 00:29:19,253
I never thought I'd have
this opportunity again.
772
00:29:19,255 --> 00:29:20,990
Opportunity?
773
00:29:26,364 --> 00:29:28,364
I think it's great
that she remembers you.
774
00:29:28,366 --> 00:29:30,965
Why was she so mad?
775
00:29:30,967 --> 00:29:33,836
Well, Mason, when
relationships end,
776
00:29:33,838 --> 00:29:36,204
people get emotional
because they gotta justify
777
00:29:36,206 --> 00:29:38,339
why they were with that
person in the first place
778
00:29:38,341 --> 00:29:41,376
which can manifest itself
in bitterness, resentment,
779
00:29:41,378 --> 00:29:42,981
hatred or violence.
780
00:29:44,648 --> 00:29:48,049
Okay, we have a triple patty
burger with fries, well done
781
00:29:48,051 --> 00:29:51,086
and a strawberry shake
with extra cherries.
782
00:29:51,088 --> 00:29:53,422
One small dinner salad,
hold the croutons
783
00:29:53,424 --> 00:29:58,292
add extra garbanzo beans
and dressing on the side.
784
00:29:58,294 --> 00:30:01,329
And one frozen bag of peas.
785
00:30:01,331 --> 00:30:02,333
Thank you.
786
00:30:04,335 --> 00:30:05,901
I have to pee.
787
00:30:05,903 --> 00:30:07,305
I'll be right back.
788
00:30:08,873 --> 00:30:11,140
Why do I get the feeling
that every woman you ever dated
789
00:30:11,142 --> 00:30:12,907
has a bone to pick with you?
790
00:30:12,909 --> 00:30:16,313
I bet you racked up
quite the bag of karma.
791
00:30:17,447 --> 00:30:19,847
Why don't you stop your
yammering and tell me the truth?
792
00:30:19,849 --> 00:30:20,982
I beg your pardon?
793
00:30:20,984 --> 00:30:22,250
What's really goin' on here?
794
00:30:22,252 --> 00:30:24,353
How much money are
they giving you?
795
00:30:24,355 --> 00:30:25,788
Or are you looking to fleece
796
00:30:25,790 --> 00:30:29,057
this kid's foster mom
out of her life savings?
797
00:30:29,059 --> 00:30:30,325
How dare you.
798
00:30:30,327 --> 00:30:32,060
What's goin' on?
799
00:30:32,062 --> 00:30:33,261
What's in it for you?
800
00:30:33,263 --> 00:30:34,328
The boy needed my help.
801
00:30:34,330 --> 00:30:36,033
Isn't that enough?
802
00:30:37,233 --> 00:30:39,300
For the record,
if I do find out
803
00:30:39,302 --> 00:30:41,403
that you're using that
kid for any reason,
804
00:30:41,405 --> 00:30:45,473
any reason at all, I'm gonna
beat the crap out of you.
805
00:30:45,475 --> 00:30:49,243
Aw, you're gonna give
me a knuckle sandwich?
806
00:30:49,245 --> 00:30:50,881
Whatever it takes.
807
00:30:51,816 --> 00:30:53,481
You call that a threat?
808
00:30:53,483 --> 00:30:54,085
Yeah.
809
00:30:55,351 --> 00:30:57,755
I am The Amazing Fabular.
810
00:30:59,056 --> 00:31:00,255
I've invoked the wrath
811
00:31:00,257 --> 00:31:03,424
of several hundred
loyal radio listeners.
812
00:31:03,426 --> 00:31:04,660
I've been threatened
by men the likes
813
00:31:04,662 --> 00:31:07,730
of which would leave you in
need of reconstructive surgery.
814
00:31:07,732 --> 00:31:10,732
What's amazing is
that reasonable people
815
00:31:10,734 --> 00:31:14,805
would actually take advice
from someone like you.
816
00:31:19,743 --> 00:31:22,044
Sorry to bother
you, but my father,
817
00:31:22,046 --> 00:31:23,511
he's a huge fan of your work
818
00:31:23,513 --> 00:31:25,413
and he said the
check's on the house
819
00:31:25,415 --> 00:31:28,217
if we could get your
autograph for the wall.
820
00:31:28,219 --> 00:31:29,050
Sure.
821
00:31:29,052 --> 00:31:31,452
I'd be delighted.
822
00:31:31,454 --> 00:31:33,521
What's your name?
823
00:31:33,523 --> 00:31:36,860
I'm sensing a D?
824
00:31:37,494 --> 00:31:39,260
Daisy.
825
00:31:39,262 --> 00:31:40,762
Wow!
826
00:31:40,764 --> 00:31:42,498
You're really good!
827
00:31:42,500 --> 00:31:45,270
Your show is huge in Australia!
828
00:31:46,436 --> 00:31:49,070
I don't know if you
remember a guy named Mickey
829
00:31:49,072 --> 00:31:51,507
calling in about five years ago?
830
00:31:51,509 --> 00:31:53,174
Yeah, well, anyway, that
was my little brother
831
00:31:53,176 --> 00:31:57,112
and he had lost his
baby kangaroo, Skippy.
832
00:31:57,114 --> 00:31:58,146
Skippy!
833
00:31:58,148 --> 00:31:59,382
Yeah!
834
00:31:59,384 --> 00:32:01,784
So anyway, you said that he
missed his mum and hopped away
835
00:32:01,786 --> 00:32:03,352
and guess what?
836
00:32:03,354 --> 00:32:05,921
Five years later,
my brother called me
837
00:32:05,923 --> 00:32:07,489
and said that he found Skippy
838
00:32:07,491 --> 00:32:09,892
hopping in a field with his mum!
839
00:32:09,894 --> 00:32:11,362
Skippy, he's safe!
840
00:32:22,205 --> 00:32:23,207
Thank you!
841
00:32:25,909 --> 00:32:27,411
How's your nose?
842
00:32:31,147 --> 00:32:32,914
Let's keep moving down
the list, okay, Mason?
843
00:32:32,916 --> 00:32:34,883
All right, yeah.
844
00:32:34,885 --> 00:32:39,520
Well, Janice Bodicker?
845
00:32:39,522 --> 00:32:40,824
It's Bodicker.
846
00:32:42,126 --> 00:32:43,060
Bodicker?
847
00:32:45,128 --> 00:32:47,365
Kinda rolls off the tongue.
848
00:32:48,531 --> 00:32:49,333
Bodicker.
849
00:32:52,536 --> 00:32:53,538
Bodicker!
850
00:32:55,205 --> 00:32:56,006
Bodicker.
851
00:33:12,088 --> 00:33:13,154
Nick.
852
00:33:13,156 --> 00:33:15,223
- Janice.
- This is so exciting!
853
00:33:15,225 --> 00:33:16,858
The girls and I started
baking you a cake
854
00:33:16,860 --> 00:33:18,326
right after you called.
855
00:33:18,328 --> 00:33:19,595
That's so sweet.
856
00:33:19,597 --> 00:33:21,296
You didn't need to
go to the trouble.
857
00:33:21,298 --> 00:33:22,530
Oh, no trouble at all.
858
00:33:22,532 --> 00:33:24,532
The girls just love
when we have company.
859
00:33:24,534 --> 00:33:25,435
Come on in.
860
00:33:30,139 --> 00:33:30,974
Okay!
861
00:33:32,376 --> 00:33:35,477
Why don't you all just
get yourselves acquainted?
862
00:33:35,479 --> 00:33:36,514
Be nice, Donna.
863
00:33:38,514 --> 00:33:40,417
And I'll be right back.
864
00:33:43,587 --> 00:33:45,354
I think I wanna
wait in the car.
865
00:33:45,356 --> 00:33:47,489
Me too, it's so
stuffy in here.
866
00:33:47,491 --> 00:33:48,656
And creepy.
867
00:33:48,658 --> 00:33:53,097
You boys must be thirsty.
868
00:33:54,632 --> 00:33:58,903
The one with the strawberry
in it is yours, Nick.
869
00:34:08,044 --> 00:34:09,113
To true love.
870
00:34:10,948 --> 00:34:11,583
Cheers!
871
00:34:12,649 --> 00:34:13,550
Bottoms up!
872
00:34:23,361 --> 00:34:26,528
Well, okay, so I'm just
gonna get right to it.
873
00:34:26,530 --> 00:34:30,602
We came here to ask you
something really important.
874
00:34:32,937 --> 00:34:33,571
Nick!
875
00:34:35,305 --> 00:34:39,610
I knew that you were here
for more than just a... visit.
876
00:34:43,546 --> 00:34:45,382
Did you and I have...
877
00:34:46,550 --> 00:34:48,015
Say it, say it,
say it, say it!
878
00:34:48,017 --> 00:34:48,649
Just ask, ask, ask, ask, ask...
879
00:34:48,651 --> 00:34:50,051
Did you?
880
00:34:56,426 --> 00:34:58,662
A child together?
881
00:35:00,698 --> 00:35:02,330
Of course we did, Nick.
882
00:35:02,332 --> 00:35:03,166
We did?
883
00:35:04,167 --> 00:35:06,167
That's why I've kept
up on all your success.
884
00:35:06,169 --> 00:35:09,738
I wanted him to be
proud of his daddy.
885
00:35:09,740 --> 00:35:12,040
I knew we'd all be
together again someday.
886
00:35:12,042 --> 00:35:13,975
Oh, god, this is the moment!
887
00:35:13,977 --> 00:35:14,912
Okay, whoo!
888
00:35:19,115 --> 00:35:21,451
Nicky, say hi to your daddy!
889
00:35:24,722 --> 00:35:27,189
We all think he
looks just like you.
890
00:35:27,191 --> 00:35:30,194
It's like, is it
big Nick or little?
891
00:35:31,595 --> 00:35:36,100
Well, go on, just aren't you
gonna say hi to your son, Nick?
892
00:35:37,633 --> 00:35:38,669
Hi?
893
00:35:43,506 --> 00:35:46,475
Okay, I'll just
be a moment, okay!
894
00:35:46,477 --> 00:35:47,709
I'll let you guys talk.
895
00:35:47,711 --> 00:35:48,776
He's gonna cheer you up.
896
00:35:48,778 --> 00:35:50,779
Okay, just let him get settled.
897
00:35:50,781 --> 00:35:53,048
One second, one second.
898
00:35:53,050 --> 00:35:54,281
I'm gonna go
out on a limb here
899
00:35:54,283 --> 00:35:56,017
and say that she
is batshit crazy.
900
00:35:56,019 --> 00:35:56,685
We gotta get
out of this place.
901
00:35:56,687 --> 00:35:58,153
She is not the one you seek.
902
00:35:58,155 --> 00:35:59,087
What about the cake?
903
00:35:59,089 --> 00:36:00,087
Are you kidding me?
904
00:36:00,089 --> 00:36:01,288
I'm starving.
905
00:36:01,290 --> 00:36:04,392
I'm just
adding the nuts!
906
00:36:04,394 --> 00:36:05,227
Mr. Sparkles!
907
00:36:05,229 --> 00:36:06,194
Oh!
908
00:36:07,131 --> 00:36:08,763
You are in trouble, young man.
909
00:36:08,765 --> 00:36:12,369
You scared the living
daylights outta me!
910
00:36:13,236 --> 00:36:14,071
Oh no!
911
00:36:15,406 --> 00:36:16,571
This is bad.
912
00:36:16,573 --> 00:36:17,506
Oh, shoot!
913
00:36:17,508 --> 00:36:20,011
What did you do to my girls?
914
00:36:22,578 --> 00:36:23,611
Oh, god!
915
00:36:23,613 --> 00:36:25,247
Bonnie, are you okay?
916
00:36:25,249 --> 00:36:26,647
I'm terribly sorry
917
00:36:26,649 --> 00:36:27,448
- about this, ma'am.
- I'm calling the police!
918
00:36:27,450 --> 00:36:28,783
You assaulted my girls!
919
00:36:28,785 --> 00:36:29,718
Is there any way I could take
920
00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:31,620
a piece of that for the road?
921
00:36:31,622 --> 00:36:34,055
Get out, get out, get out!
922
00:36:34,057 --> 00:36:34,823
- That's okay.
- Get out!
923
00:36:34,825 --> 00:36:35,756
- Sorry, Amanda!
- Thank you!
924
00:36:35,758 --> 00:36:36,625
Good to see ya, take care!
925
00:36:36,627 --> 00:36:37,462
Hey, no!
926
00:36:38,461 --> 00:36:39,761
That went horribly wrong.
927
00:36:39,763 --> 00:36:41,495
Does this make
Nicky my stepbrother?
928
00:36:41,497 --> 00:36:42,464
Oh, that's very
funny, cake face.
929
00:36:42,466 --> 00:36:43,799
Get in the car.
930
00:36:43,801 --> 00:36:45,566
I told you she wasn't
the one you seek.
931
00:36:45,568 --> 00:36:46,801
Perhaps now you won't
be so quick to dismiss
932
00:36:46,803 --> 00:36:47,803
the gifts of others?
933
00:36:47,805 --> 00:36:49,270
Gift, my ass!
934
00:36:49,272 --> 00:36:50,604
That falls under the
category of obvious.
935
00:36:50,606 --> 00:36:51,540
Gimme the keys.
936
00:36:51,542 --> 00:36:52,406
You drive like an old lady.
937
00:36:52,408 --> 00:36:53,475
Very well.
938
00:36:53,477 --> 00:36:55,377
The gift needs to power down.
939
00:36:55,379 --> 00:36:56,578
Can you power down that shirt?
940
00:36:56,580 --> 00:36:57,749
It's giving me a headache.
941
00:37:03,453 --> 00:37:04,718
Two down, a few more to go.
942
00:37:06,356 --> 00:37:09,256
Are you really gonna
leave without saying goodbye
943
00:37:09,258 --> 00:37:11,261
again, Nick?
944
00:37:11,562 --> 00:37:12,794
Is that a flame thrower?
945
00:37:12,796 --> 00:37:14,796
Where'd she get
a flame thrower?
946
00:37:14,798 --> 00:37:16,430
Drive!
947
00:37:50,901 --> 00:37:52,133
I'm not ready to die!
948
00:37:52,135 --> 00:37:53,637
I don't wanna die!
949
00:37:57,707 --> 00:37:59,274
Hey,
what do you think?
950
00:37:59,276 --> 00:38:00,278
It's great.
951
00:38:01,812 --> 00:38:04,212
What's that look all about?
952
00:38:04,214 --> 00:38:06,413
All right, I hate to be the
one to say, I told you so.
953
00:38:06,415 --> 00:38:09,917
I think you love being the
one to say I told you so.
954
00:38:09,919 --> 00:38:11,019
Okay, yeah.
955
00:38:11,021 --> 00:38:13,921
Fine, that's true but I
only do this to protect you.
956
00:38:13,923 --> 00:38:15,790
I don't need to be
protected from Nick.
957
00:38:15,792 --> 00:38:17,225
Really?
958
00:38:17,227 --> 00:38:18,526
Well, I just got off
the phone with Albert.
959
00:38:18,528 --> 00:38:19,895
Albert, Nick's publisher?
960
00:38:19,897 --> 00:38:21,662
It had to be done.
961
00:38:21,664 --> 00:38:23,832
And when I mentioned him
booking Nick last minute,
962
00:38:23,834 --> 00:38:26,368
he had no idea what
I was talking about.
963
00:38:26,370 --> 00:38:29,236
Kelly, can't you just
be, wait, what, what?
964
00:38:29,238 --> 00:38:33,243
There is no Santa Barbara
speaking engagement.
965
00:38:34,310 --> 00:38:37,745
But why would he tell me that?
966
00:38:37,747 --> 00:38:38,582
Exactly.
967
00:38:52,863 --> 00:38:54,296
Oh, wait.
968
00:38:54,298 --> 00:38:55,229
What are
you looking for?
969
00:38:55,231 --> 00:38:56,865
I lost my phone.
970
00:38:56,867 --> 00:38:57,933
I think you left it
on the coffee table
971
00:38:57,935 --> 00:39:01,236
of the house of your true
love, Janice Bodicker.
972
00:39:01,238 --> 00:39:02,504
Shall we go back and get her?
973
00:39:02,506 --> 00:39:03,904
Never mind, I got insurance.
974
00:39:03,906 --> 00:39:05,573
Did you say this one
is called Winifred?
975
00:39:05,575 --> 00:39:07,408
Yeah, Winny for short.
976
00:39:07,410 --> 00:39:10,278
I'm sensing a
very peculiar aura.
977
00:39:10,280 --> 00:39:11,745
No, that's your rat.
978
00:39:11,747 --> 00:39:16,186
Ever since you fed him that
chimichanga from the Gas 'N Go.
979
00:39:17,287 --> 00:39:17,986
No, this is
something different.
980
00:39:17,988 --> 00:39:19,690
Wait right here.
981
00:39:26,897 --> 00:39:29,464
Is Winifred Cartwright here?
982
00:39:29,466 --> 00:39:30,631
Nick?
983
00:39:30,633 --> 00:39:32,366
Nick Pearson, come here!
984
00:39:32,368 --> 00:39:33,935
Whoa, do I know you, buddy?
985
00:39:33,937 --> 00:39:36,207
Yes, it's me, it's Winny!
986
00:39:37,975 --> 00:39:39,473
Of course, I go by Freddy now.
987
00:39:39,475 --> 00:39:40,944
It's less confusing.
988
00:39:44,414 --> 00:39:47,381
How long you
been Freddy, Winny?
989
00:39:47,383 --> 00:39:49,883
Well, you know, you and
I had that night together
990
00:39:49,885 --> 00:39:52,787
and then the next day
I went and had surgery.
991
00:39:52,789 --> 00:39:54,457
I don't blame you.
992
00:39:57,260 --> 00:39:59,961
I cannot believe I let you
get into my head like this.
993
00:39:59,963 --> 00:40:01,662
Then just call him, Syd.
994
00:40:01,664 --> 00:40:02,863
I don't need to...
995
00:40:02,865 --> 00:40:03,765
That way you'll
know what's going on.
996
00:40:03,767 --> 00:40:05,734
And you're right,
maybe it's nothing.
997
00:40:05,736 --> 00:40:06,968
It's probably nothing.
998
00:40:06,970 --> 00:40:10,839
I mean, I bet it is,
it's something but.
999
00:40:10,841 --> 00:40:13,575
What, it could be nothing.
1000
00:40:13,577 --> 00:40:14,412
Okay.
1001
00:40:21,017 --> 00:40:22,049
Hello?
1002
00:40:22,051 --> 00:40:24,019
I'm sorry, who
am I speaking to?
1003
00:40:24,021 --> 00:40:25,687
None of your
business, that's who!
1004
00:40:25,689 --> 00:40:27,721
Well, can I speak to Nick?
1005
00:40:27,723 --> 00:40:28,656
No, you may not!
1006
00:40:28,658 --> 00:40:30,058
He's gone again with no regards
1007
00:40:30,060 --> 00:40:32,026
for my feelings or his child!
1008
00:40:32,028 --> 00:40:33,060
His child?
1009
00:40:33,062 --> 00:40:34,729
What?
1010
00:40:34,731 --> 00:40:36,031
I'm sorry.
1011
00:40:36,033 --> 00:40:37,031
Are you saying that
you and Nick Pearson
1012
00:40:37,033 --> 00:40:39,033
had a child together?
1013
00:40:39,035 --> 00:40:40,468
Yes, we did.
1014
00:40:40,470 --> 00:40:41,903
A beautiful baby boy.
1015
00:40:41,905 --> 00:40:45,506
I now regret ever having
laid eyes on that man!
1016
00:40:45,508 --> 00:40:47,542
When he wrote that book,
that hating kids book,
1017
00:40:47,544 --> 00:40:49,310
I thought he was
just being funny
1018
00:40:49,312 --> 00:40:53,013
but I now know that every
word of it was the truth.
1019
00:40:53,015 --> 00:40:54,982
Where is Nick right now?
1020
00:40:54,984 --> 00:40:56,551
Hopefully lying
dead in a ditch
1021
00:40:56,553 --> 00:40:58,486
with his two friends while
that little dog of theirs
1022
00:40:58,488 --> 00:41:00,321
just eats their remains!
1023
00:41:00,323 --> 00:41:01,323
He hates dogs.
1024
00:41:01,325 --> 00:41:02,424
What?
1025
00:41:02,426 --> 00:41:04,692
My advice to you is to
stay as far away as possible
1026
00:41:04,694 --> 00:41:06,296
from that deadbeat!
1027
00:41:07,997 --> 00:41:09,698
Okay, what is going on?
1028
00:41:09,700 --> 00:41:12,000
I think it's pretty clear.
1029
00:41:12,002 --> 00:41:15,069
I mean, that woman, she does
not sound normal, and a dog?
1030
00:41:15,071 --> 00:41:18,673
Syd, first some kid shows
up claiming he's Nick's son
1031
00:41:18,675 --> 00:41:19,874
then Nick lies about
where he is going
1032
00:41:19,876 --> 00:41:24,979
and now, this weird woman
admits they had a kid together.
1033
00:41:24,981 --> 00:41:25,879
What more do you need?
1034
00:41:25,881 --> 00:41:26,848
It's case closed.
1035
00:41:26,850 --> 00:41:28,350
I don't think so, Kelly.
1036
00:41:28,352 --> 00:41:29,683
I need proof.
1037
00:41:29,685 --> 00:41:31,521
Wow, okay.
1038
00:41:32,122 --> 00:41:33,854
Somebody's in denial.
1039
00:41:33,856 --> 00:41:35,692
Fine, we'll get proof.
1040
00:41:53,410 --> 00:41:54,808
I don't understand.
1041
00:41:54,810 --> 00:41:57,111
If Winny is Freddy,
why were you asking him
1042
00:41:57,113 --> 00:41:59,747
if he had your child?
1043
00:41:59,749 --> 00:42:02,750
Because he used to be a woman.
1044
00:42:02,752 --> 00:42:04,921
Wow, how do you do that?
1045
00:42:08,158 --> 00:42:09,390
You have any hobbies?
1046
00:42:09,392 --> 00:42:11,993
You like reading
books or anything?
1047
00:42:11,995 --> 00:42:14,729
Sometimes, I read your book.
1048
00:42:14,731 --> 00:42:16,096
Really, what'd you think?
1049
00:42:16,098 --> 00:42:17,399
It made me wanna write a book.
1050
00:42:17,401 --> 00:42:18,500
No way!
1051
00:42:18,502 --> 00:42:19,767
That is so cool.
1052
00:42:19,769 --> 00:42:22,404
I'm so thrilled I could
inspire a young writer.
1053
00:42:22,406 --> 00:42:25,038
I wanted to write a book
called I Hate Parents.
1054
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:25,675
Oh.
1055
00:42:29,111 --> 00:42:31,178
So, what is that thing anyway?
1056
00:42:31,180 --> 00:42:32,946
It's a fidget spinner.
1057
00:42:32,948 --> 00:42:34,082
It helps keep me calm.
1058
00:42:34,084 --> 00:42:35,015
Oh, yeah?
1059
00:42:35,017 --> 00:42:36,049
I could use one of those.
1060
00:42:36,051 --> 00:42:37,951
Look, you don't
have to do this.
1061
00:42:37,953 --> 00:42:39,154
What?
1062
00:42:39,156 --> 00:42:41,689
Pretend like you like me.
1063
00:42:41,691 --> 00:42:43,794
Just help me find my mom.
1064
00:42:44,861 --> 00:42:46,797
That's the deal, right?
1065
00:42:51,568 --> 00:42:54,169
So why do you hate kids?
1066
00:42:54,171 --> 00:42:55,669
I don't hate kids.
1067
00:42:55,671 --> 00:42:57,971
I just don't see eye
to eye with them.
1068
00:42:57,973 --> 00:43:00,441
It's not so much that I
hate them, they hate me.
1069
00:43:00,443 --> 00:43:01,845
I don't hate you.
1070
00:43:04,180 --> 00:43:06,113
Does your fiancee
hate kids, too?
1071
00:43:06,115 --> 00:43:09,619
No, she just likes
things uncomplicated.
1072
00:43:10,921 --> 00:43:14,221
Why are there spoons
in my comforter?
1073
00:43:14,223 --> 00:43:15,790
All the butter's gone.
1074
00:43:15,792 --> 00:43:18,158
What am I gonna
dip my shrimp in?
1075
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:19,761
What's he dreaming about?
1076
00:43:19,763 --> 00:43:23,434
Sounds like he's
channeling Gordon Ramsay.
1077
00:43:29,171 --> 00:43:30,407
Oh, great.
1078
00:43:51,995 --> 00:43:53,495
License and registration.
1079
00:43:53,497 --> 00:43:55,930
Yes, certainly, officer.
1080
00:43:55,932 --> 00:43:57,499
You know why I
pulled you over?
1081
00:43:57,501 --> 00:43:58,799
Was I going too fast?
1082
00:43:58,801 --> 00:44:00,067
The speed limit is 45.
1083
00:44:00,069 --> 00:44:01,569
You were doing 50.
1084
00:44:04,774 --> 00:44:05,973
This is not my car
1085
00:44:05,975 --> 00:44:09,209
so I'm not really used
to how it handles.
1086
00:44:09,211 --> 00:44:10,044
It pulls.
1087
00:44:10,046 --> 00:44:11,678
Well, that doesn't
change the fact
1088
00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:12,613
that you were breaking
the law, now does it?
1089
00:44:12,615 --> 00:44:13,214
No, no, no, it doesn't.
1090
00:44:13,216 --> 00:44:15,816
Excuse me, officer.
1091
00:44:15,818 --> 00:44:17,285
When was the last time
you had your radar gun
1092
00:44:17,287 --> 00:44:19,720
calibrated for accuracy?
1093
00:44:19,722 --> 00:44:21,154
Excuse me?
1094
00:44:21,156 --> 00:44:23,558
Well, you see, many speeding
violations are dismissed
1095
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:24,758
because the citing officer
1096
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:26,294
failed to have regular
maintenance checks
1097
00:44:26,296 --> 00:44:27,897
on their equipment.
1098
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:34,171
Don't move, I'll
be right back.
1099
00:44:37,240 --> 00:44:38,138
What are you doing?
1100
00:44:38,140 --> 00:44:39,540
Helping.
1101
00:44:39,542 --> 00:44:41,042
My foster mother used
to be a paralegal
1102
00:44:41,044 --> 00:44:42,977
for the law firm of
Dewey, Cheatem & Howe.
1103
00:44:42,979 --> 00:44:46,147
No, Mason, that law
firm doesn't exist.
1104
00:44:46,149 --> 00:44:47,080
It's an old joke.
1105
00:44:47,082 --> 00:44:49,486
I know, I was making a joke.
1106
00:44:50,720 --> 00:44:51,555
Oh.
1107
00:44:54,323 --> 00:44:56,658
I don't know about the
timing but pretty funny.
1108
00:44:56,660 --> 00:44:57,692
All right, Mr. Pearson,
1109
00:44:57,694 --> 00:44:59,326
I'm gonna let you go
with a warning this time.
1110
00:44:59,328 --> 00:45:00,294
Watch your speed.
1111
00:45:00,296 --> 00:45:02,129
Thank you.
1112
00:45:02,131 --> 00:45:03,064
And one more thing.
1113
00:45:03,066 --> 00:45:04,198
Mm-hmm?
1114
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:05,332
Hey, brother,
can I have your autograph?
1115
00:45:05,334 --> 00:45:07,134
I'd be happy to, always.
1116
00:45:07,136 --> 00:45:08,336
Man, my wife and I,
1117
00:45:08,338 --> 00:45:12,006
we listen to you on
the radio all the time.
1118
00:45:12,008 --> 00:45:15,209
You have admirable
qualities, officer.
1119
00:45:15,211 --> 00:45:17,078
I'm sensing a promotion
in your future.
1120
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:18,580
Well, actually, I'm puttin' in
1121
00:45:18,582 --> 00:45:19,580
for early retirement
in three months.
1122
00:45:19,582 --> 00:45:22,250
Yes, which will promote
healthy relaxation
1123
00:45:22,252 --> 00:45:24,185
in your previously hectic life.
1124
00:45:25,622 --> 00:45:28,792
You can say that
again, Mr. Fabular.
1125
00:45:29,693 --> 00:45:30,625
All right, man.
1126
00:45:30,627 --> 00:45:31,892
Hey, you drive safely now.
1127
00:45:31,894 --> 00:45:34,194
- All right.
- Of course, of course.
1128
00:45:34,196 --> 00:45:36,133
You watch your speed.
1129
00:45:38,734 --> 00:45:39,734
No need to thank me.
1130
00:45:39,736 --> 00:45:40,368
Thank you?
1131
00:45:40,370 --> 00:45:41,836
For what?
1132
00:45:41,838 --> 00:45:42,770
For extruding us
from that awkward
1133
00:45:42,772 --> 00:45:44,372
and embarrassing confrontation.
1134
00:45:44,374 --> 00:45:46,040
You had nothing to do with it.
1135
00:45:46,042 --> 00:45:47,609
I most certainly had
everything to do with it.
1136
00:45:47,611 --> 00:45:51,245
I was manipulating and
deflecting his negative energy.
1137
00:45:51,247 --> 00:45:52,680
Thank you, Fabular.
1138
00:45:52,682 --> 00:45:53,948
Yeah, thank you, Master Yoda.
1139
00:45:53,950 --> 00:45:54,881
Now shut up, please.
1140
00:45:54,883 --> 00:45:56,817
Who's next on the list?
1141
00:45:56,819 --> 00:45:59,220
Christine Hurley.
1142
00:46:05,694 --> 00:46:06,861
Do you see anything?
1143
00:46:06,863 --> 00:46:08,265
Get in there, go!
1144
00:46:11,167 --> 00:46:13,200
Oh, I just, I
don't feel good about this.
1145
00:46:13,202 --> 00:46:14,368
I think we should go back home.
1146
00:46:14,370 --> 00:46:15,303
What?
1147
00:46:15,305 --> 00:46:16,870
He gave you a key, didn't he?
1148
00:46:16,872 --> 00:46:18,205
By giving you a
key it is implied
1149
00:46:18,207 --> 00:46:19,207
that you have
permission to gain entry
1150
00:46:19,209 --> 00:46:21,975
at any time to the
domicile said key unlocks.
1151
00:46:21,977 --> 00:46:23,211
I'm pretty
certain that implication
1152
00:46:23,213 --> 00:46:24,912
doesn't mean scavenging
said domicile
1153
00:46:24,914 --> 00:46:26,013
for dirty little secrets.
1154
00:46:26,015 --> 00:46:26,948
Okay, you know what?
1155
00:46:26,950 --> 00:46:27,682
I take no pleasure in this.
1156
00:46:27,684 --> 00:46:29,651
Yes, you do.
1157
00:46:29,653 --> 00:46:30,384
Okay, I do.
1158
00:46:30,386 --> 00:46:31,419
Okay, yes, I do, a little bit.
1159
00:46:31,421 --> 00:46:32,419
But again, it's all for you.
1160
00:46:32,421 --> 00:46:33,654
I'm pretty certain you
missed your true calling
1161
00:46:33,656 --> 00:46:35,823
as a criminal mastermind but
let's just get this over with
1162
00:46:35,825 --> 00:46:37,325
and we'll get out of here.
1163
00:46:37,327 --> 00:46:38,359
Patience, Syd.
1164
00:46:38,361 --> 00:46:40,028
This might take a while.
1165
00:46:40,030 --> 00:46:41,162
Even Nick wouldn't
be foolish enough
1166
00:46:41,164 --> 00:46:45,702
to just leave a big box of
evidence out in the open.
1167
00:46:55,845 --> 00:46:57,444
You
never mentioned you dated Oprah.
1168
00:46:57,446 --> 00:46:58,779
I always
figured Christine
1169
00:46:58,781 --> 00:47:00,448
would land in the lap of luxury.
1170
00:47:00,450 --> 00:47:02,450
Face first, from
the looks of it.
1171
00:47:02,452 --> 00:47:05,189
Wow, I would
totally live here.
1172
00:47:06,388 --> 00:47:09,924
Maybe you two should
hang back for the moment.
1173
00:47:09,926 --> 00:47:13,861
I don't wanna just
thrust this in her face.
1174
00:47:13,863 --> 00:47:15,229
Seems like that's
how you got yourself
1175
00:47:15,231 --> 00:47:17,265
in this situation to begin with.
1176
00:47:17,267 --> 00:47:18,332
Hilarious.
1177
00:47:18,334 --> 00:47:19,370
Wait here.
1178
00:47:29,011 --> 00:47:31,912
Don't just stand there.
1179
00:47:31,914 --> 00:47:32,714
Wow.
1180
00:47:32,716 --> 00:47:34,415
I have to be at
UCLA in one hour
1181
00:47:34,417 --> 00:47:36,149
to give my speech on
women's empowerment
1182
00:47:36,151 --> 00:47:37,919
in the social media arena.
1183
00:47:37,921 --> 00:47:40,321
The helicopter will be
here in five minutes.
1184
00:47:40,323 --> 00:47:42,089
How fast can you tweet?
1185
00:47:42,091 --> 00:47:43,024
Huh, I don't know.
1186
00:47:43,026 --> 00:47:44,491
Strike two.
1187
00:47:44,493 --> 00:47:45,959
If you want this job, you'd
better pick up the pace.
1188
00:47:45,961 --> 00:47:46,928
- Job?
- I require someone
1189
00:47:46,930 --> 00:47:48,296
who can manage my schedule,
1190
00:47:48,298 --> 00:47:51,064
count my calories feed my geckos
1191
00:47:51,066 --> 00:47:54,035
and make sure I don't
wear the same dress twice.
1192
00:47:54,037 --> 00:47:57,404
If you last two weeks, I'll
double your salary, okay?
1193
00:47:57,406 --> 00:48:00,408
I'm not here for
the job, Christine.
1194
00:48:00,410 --> 00:48:01,375
Who are you?
1195
00:48:01,377 --> 00:48:04,412
It's me, Nick, Nick Pearson.
1196
00:48:04,414 --> 00:48:06,249
Nick, Nick!
1197
00:48:07,249 --> 00:48:07,883
Oh!
1198
00:48:09,385 --> 00:48:11,451
I didn't recognize you, Nick.
1199
00:48:11,453 --> 00:48:13,457
Oh, you didn't age well.
1200
00:48:15,925 --> 00:48:17,357
You're not on my schedule.
1201
00:48:17,359 --> 00:48:19,961
I know, I called you
an hour ago, remember?
1202
00:48:19,963 --> 00:48:21,361
This is why I
need an assistant.
1203
00:48:21,363 --> 00:48:23,230
I think I can fit
you in on Thursday.
1204
00:48:23,232 --> 00:48:24,365
No, I gotta talk
to you right now.
1205
00:48:24,367 --> 00:48:25,466
It's important.
1206
00:48:25,468 --> 00:48:28,770
Okay, you have 35 seconds, go.
1207
00:48:28,772 --> 00:48:30,203
Okay.
1208
00:48:30,205 --> 00:48:33,908
Did you and I have a child
1209
00:48:33,910 --> 00:48:37,912
that you secretly gave up
for adoption, by any chance?
1210
00:48:37,914 --> 00:48:40,381
Why would you ask me that?
1211
00:48:40,383 --> 00:48:41,883
Because this kid out here
1212
00:48:41,885 --> 00:48:44,886
deserves to know
who his mother is.
1213
00:48:44,888 --> 00:48:47,388
Well, he's awfully big.
1214
00:48:47,390 --> 00:48:49,055
Does baldness run
in your family?
1215
00:48:49,057 --> 00:48:50,191
Not him!
1216
00:48:50,193 --> 00:48:51,424
The other one!
1217
00:48:51,426 --> 00:48:52,292
Nick, for someone
who writes comedy,
1218
00:48:52,294 --> 00:48:55,162
you really can't
take a joke, can you?
1219
00:48:55,164 --> 00:48:56,363
I'm a little off my game.
1220
00:48:56,365 --> 00:48:57,531
Sorry, Nick, I can't help you.
1221
00:48:57,533 --> 00:48:58,466
It wasn't me.
1222
00:48:58,468 --> 00:49:00,801
Tell the kid I'm sorry.
1223
00:49:00,803 --> 00:49:02,439
Sorry to bother you.
1224
00:49:04,274 --> 00:49:05,275
Hey, Nick?
1225
00:49:06,209 --> 00:49:08,441
For whatever it's worth,
I can't have kids.
1226
00:49:08,443 --> 00:49:11,412
You would have found that
out if you'd stuck around.
1227
00:49:11,414 --> 00:49:12,479
I built my empire instead.
1228
00:49:12,481 --> 00:49:14,549
Everything happens for a reason.
1229
00:49:14,551 --> 00:49:15,986
Bye, good luck.
1230
00:49:22,892 --> 00:49:24,457
Another dead end?
1231
00:49:24,459 --> 00:49:25,294
Yup.
1232
00:49:32,368 --> 00:49:37,107
You really flushed that
golden ticket down the commode.
1233
00:49:49,919 --> 00:49:51,185
There are more women here
1234
00:49:51,187 --> 00:49:53,254
than in my entire
graduating class.
1235
00:49:53,256 --> 00:49:55,256
My class was huge, remember?
1236
00:49:55,258 --> 00:49:56,089
Want chips?
1237
00:49:56,091 --> 00:49:57,558
No, Kelly.
1238
00:49:57,560 --> 00:49:59,627
I still have to fit into
my wedding dress, remember?
1239
00:49:59,629 --> 00:50:02,095
Seriously, Nick should be
bronzed and put on exhibit
1240
00:50:02,097 --> 00:50:04,999
at the Alfred Kinsey museum.
1241
00:50:05,001 --> 00:50:06,600
Oh, there's another one.
1242
00:50:06,602 --> 00:50:10,307
That makes three
Christines at last count.
1243
00:50:12,107 --> 00:50:13,209
Oh, my God.
1244
00:50:14,276 --> 00:50:16,142
Nick is a gigolo.
1245
00:50:16,144 --> 00:50:17,578
What?
1246
00:50:17,580 --> 00:50:19,113
No, I don't think it says
anything about him getting paid.
1247
00:50:19,115 --> 00:50:20,881
He's just a slut.
1248
00:50:20,883 --> 00:50:21,616
You're right!
1249
00:50:21,618 --> 00:50:23,283
He's a slut!
1250
00:50:23,285 --> 00:50:25,886
And all this time,
he's been lying to me
1251
00:50:25,888 --> 00:50:30,524
and keeping secrets from
me and I've been an idiot!
1252
00:50:30,526 --> 00:50:32,560
All signs do point
to yes on that one.
1253
00:50:32,562 --> 00:50:34,428
So what do I do?
1254
00:50:34,430 --> 00:50:35,595
I don't know what to do!
1255
00:50:35,597 --> 00:50:39,633
I just need, I need
a little more time.
1256
00:50:39,635 --> 00:50:40,600
Sydney.
1257
00:50:40,602 --> 00:50:42,502
Just a little more time.
1258
00:50:42,504 --> 00:50:43,537
Nope, time is now.
1259
00:50:43,539 --> 00:50:45,006
What?
1260
00:50:45,008 --> 00:50:46,040
It's time.
1261
00:50:46,042 --> 00:50:47,575
- Oh, my god!
- We gotta go.
1262
00:50:47,577 --> 00:50:49,142
Wait, no.
1263
00:50:49,144 --> 00:50:51,279
Cover that, put something
on that chair on the mark.
1264
00:50:51,281 --> 00:50:52,245
Do you
want the chips?
1265
00:50:52,247 --> 00:50:53,915
Okay, yeah, bring the chips.
1266
00:50:53,917 --> 00:50:56,082
I gotta call Richard.
1267
00:50:59,155 --> 00:51:00,287
How're you doing?
1268
00:51:00,289 --> 00:51:01,923
Fine.
1269
00:51:01,925 --> 00:51:03,390
I wish I had some ice cream.
1270
00:51:03,392 --> 00:51:06,593
Oh, well, maybe later
we'll get you some.
1271
00:51:06,595 --> 00:51:08,194
That'd be great.
1272
00:51:08,196 --> 00:51:09,629
What's your favorite flavor?
1273
00:51:09,631 --> 00:51:10,464
Strawberry.
1274
00:51:10,466 --> 00:51:13,566
No way, that's
my favorite flavor.
1275
00:51:13,568 --> 00:51:14,834
What are the odds?
1276
00:51:14,836 --> 00:51:19,073
I mean, a lot of people like
strawberry, so not that high.
1277
00:51:19,075 --> 00:51:21,709
Ooh, ooh, Richard, Richard!
1278
00:51:21,711 --> 00:51:24,312
Answer your stupid phone!
1279
00:51:24,314 --> 00:51:25,515
Okay, okay, okay.
1280
00:51:26,682 --> 00:51:28,716
Ow, they're really
coming fast now!
1281
00:51:28,718 --> 00:51:30,517
Just try to stay calm, Kelly.
1282
00:51:30,519 --> 00:51:32,419
Why did you let me
eat all the chips?
1283
00:51:32,421 --> 00:51:34,587
I'm gonna be gassy
in the delivery room!
1284
00:51:34,589 --> 00:51:36,624
Do not worry about
that right now!
1285
00:51:36,626 --> 00:51:39,459
I would just relax and try to
concentrate on whatever it is
1286
00:51:39,461 --> 00:51:41,162
they tell you to concentrate on
1287
00:51:41,164 --> 00:51:42,629
in those La Paz
classes you took!
1288
00:51:42,631 --> 00:51:43,997
I wasn't listening!
1289
00:51:43,999 --> 00:51:45,566
It's Lamaze!
1290
00:51:45,568 --> 00:51:47,200
And how am I supposed to
relax when my Lamaze partner
1291
00:51:47,202 --> 00:51:49,602
won't even answer
his phone, god!
1292
00:51:49,604 --> 00:51:51,305
Richard, hi, it's your wife.
1293
00:51:51,307 --> 00:51:52,439
I'm gonna kill you!
1294
00:51:52,441 --> 00:51:54,542
Just breathe with me.
1295
00:51:54,544 --> 00:51:56,477
I don't
know what to do!
1296
00:51:56,479 --> 00:51:58,515
Sorry, that's just chips.
1297
00:51:59,615 --> 00:52:00,548
I'm having a baby!
1298
00:52:00,550 --> 00:52:01,749
How can he be stuck in traffic?
1299
00:52:01,751 --> 00:52:02,750
There's always
traffic on the 405.
1300
00:52:02,752 --> 00:52:03,750
He'll be here.
1301
00:52:03,752 --> 00:52:04,651
Oh, my god, he's not
gonna be here in time!
1302
00:52:04,653 --> 00:52:06,587
No, no, no, no, I
can't do this alone!
1303
00:52:06,589 --> 00:52:08,355
Syd, Syd, you have to
come in there with me!
1304
00:52:08,357 --> 00:52:09,423
Oh, no, no, I can't do that.
1305
00:52:09,425 --> 00:52:10,658
Yes, yes, you can!
1306
00:52:10,660 --> 00:52:11,593
I am your sister and
I say you have to!
1307
00:52:11,595 --> 00:52:13,127
Don't they have,
like, stand-by people,
1308
00:52:13,129 --> 00:52:14,227
like rent-a-coaches
or something?
1309
00:52:14,229 --> 00:52:15,729
Syd, Sydney!
1310
00:52:15,731 --> 00:52:18,265
You have to do this or I
will tell everyone in here
1311
00:52:18,267 --> 00:52:20,267
how you shit your pants at
Neil Greenblatt's bar mitzvah
1312
00:52:20,269 --> 00:52:22,035
and then you flushed your
underpants down the toilet
1313
00:52:22,037 --> 00:52:23,604
and flooded the entire
basement of the synagogue.
1314
00:52:23,606 --> 00:52:25,006
That was like 20 years ago.
1315
00:52:25,008 --> 00:52:26,107
I don't care!
1316
00:52:26,109 --> 00:52:27,674
I'm about to launch a
watermelon out of my punani!
1317
00:52:27,676 --> 00:52:30,377
Do not test me, Sydney!
1318
00:52:30,379 --> 00:52:31,444
Here we are.
1319
00:52:31,446 --> 00:52:32,582
947 Main Street.
1320
00:52:34,017 --> 00:52:34,718
Cross Hakido.
1321
00:52:35,752 --> 00:52:37,651
Wow, this place looks amazing.
1322
00:52:37,653 --> 00:52:39,486
I'm gonna sit this one
out and take Mr. Sparkles
1323
00:52:39,488 --> 00:52:41,488
on a much needed stroll.
1324
00:52:41,490 --> 00:52:42,622
We'll see you back here.
1325
00:52:42,624 --> 00:52:43,758
Okay.
1326
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:44,792
Let's step that punch!
1327
00:52:46,028 --> 00:52:46,660
Single punch!
1328
00:52:47,497 --> 00:52:48,328
Two!
1329
00:52:48,330 --> 00:52:49,196
Three!
1330
00:52:49,198 --> 00:52:50,397
Four!
1331
00:52:50,399 --> 00:52:51,631
Attention.
1332
00:52:57,272 --> 00:52:58,705
Hey, Nick!
1333
00:52:58,707 --> 00:52:59,640
Hi, Schyler.
1334
00:52:59,642 --> 00:53:00,508
You look great.
1335
00:53:00,510 --> 00:53:02,343
This place is fantastic.
1336
00:53:02,345 --> 00:53:05,479
Yeah, and after two
years, I'm the owner.
1337
00:53:05,481 --> 00:53:07,515
Are you like a ninja?
1338
00:53:07,517 --> 00:53:08,783
Almost.
1339
00:53:08,785 --> 00:53:09,783
What's your name?
1340
00:53:09,785 --> 00:53:10,785
Mason.
1341
00:53:10,787 --> 00:53:12,620
Yeah, would you like
to join my class today?
1342
00:53:12,622 --> 00:53:13,821
Sure!
1343
00:53:13,823 --> 00:53:14,821
Okay, there's
extra gis over there
1344
00:53:14,823 --> 00:53:16,223
in the changing room.
1345
00:53:16,225 --> 00:53:17,124
Just put one on and
then come out to the mat
1346
00:53:17,126 --> 00:53:18,058
and join the class.
1347
00:53:18,060 --> 00:53:19,794
Okay, thanks!
1348
00:53:19,796 --> 00:53:20,694
He's a sweet kid.
1349
00:53:20,696 --> 00:53:22,129
Mm-hmm.
1350
00:53:22,131 --> 00:53:23,229
What's he doing
with a nut like you
1351
00:53:23,231 --> 00:53:25,232
and what do you want from me?
1352
00:53:25,234 --> 00:53:28,736
Well, it's a bit of
a delicate situation.
1353
00:53:28,738 --> 00:53:30,470
I need to talk about us.
1354
00:53:30,472 --> 00:53:31,372
Us?
1355
00:53:31,374 --> 00:53:32,776
As in you and me?
1356
00:53:33,776 --> 00:53:37,513
Yeah, it could also
involve other parties.
1357
00:53:39,515 --> 00:53:41,147
Interesting.
1358
00:53:41,149 --> 00:53:43,653
Okay, five-minute water break!
1359
00:53:44,787 --> 00:53:46,252
I'll tell you what, Nick.
1360
00:53:46,254 --> 00:53:47,821
I'm a little short-handed today.
1361
00:53:47,823 --> 00:53:49,390
Why don't you help me out
for the next 30 minutes
1362
00:53:49,392 --> 00:53:52,493
and maybe I'll answer
your questions.
1363
00:53:52,495 --> 00:53:54,462
Help you out?
1364
00:53:54,464 --> 00:53:55,599
Doing what?
1365
00:53:58,468 --> 00:53:59,732
Is this completely necessary?
1366
00:53:59,734 --> 00:54:03,571
You want your questions
answered or not?
1367
00:54:03,573 --> 00:54:04,537
Yeah.
1368
00:54:04,539 --> 00:54:05,805
Line up!
1369
00:54:05,807 --> 00:54:06,809
Yes, ma'am!
1370
00:54:10,213 --> 00:54:12,312
On your knees.
1371
00:54:16,685 --> 00:54:19,252
Oh, I'm so glad
you're so amused.
1372
00:54:19,254 --> 00:54:20,754
Side kicks!
1373
00:54:24,127 --> 00:54:25,658
Little lower next time, sweetie.
1374
00:54:25,660 --> 00:54:26,861
Could we take this seriously?
1375
00:54:26,863 --> 00:54:27,727
I need to find
this kid's mother.
1376
00:54:27,729 --> 00:54:28,863
Oh, I'm sorry, Nick,
1377
00:54:28,865 --> 00:54:30,897
but talk about a
needle in the haystack.
1378
00:54:30,899 --> 00:54:31,899
Well, I'll take
that to be a no?
1379
00:54:31,901 --> 00:54:33,334
Front kick!
1380
00:54:34,669 --> 00:54:35,903
Believe me, Nick,
if we had a baby,
1381
00:54:35,905 --> 00:54:37,604
you would have known
about it from day one.
1382
00:54:37,606 --> 00:54:39,372
Why don't you ask Tonya Wesson?
1383
00:54:39,374 --> 00:54:40,774
Tonya Wesson?
1384
00:54:40,776 --> 00:54:42,475
Who's Tonya Wesson?
1385
00:54:42,477 --> 00:54:44,544
Oh, now don't tell me
you don't remember Tonya.
1386
00:54:44,546 --> 00:54:47,814
Remember, my friend Tonya?
1387
00:54:47,816 --> 00:54:48,716
The one I caught you with
1388
00:54:48,718 --> 00:54:51,185
when you and I were
supposedly dating?
1389
00:54:51,187 --> 00:54:54,421
Oh, Tonya Wesson, yeah.
1390
00:54:54,423 --> 00:54:55,689
Well, I mean, that's
hardly my fault.
1391
00:54:55,691 --> 00:54:57,924
It takes two to tango, you know?
1392
00:54:57,926 --> 00:55:00,560
Yeah, but it only
takes one to say no.
1393
00:55:00,562 --> 00:55:01,529
Crotch kick!
1394
00:55:11,941 --> 00:55:13,374
What's wrong with you?
1395
00:55:13,376 --> 00:55:14,741
Move!
1396
00:55:14,743 --> 00:55:17,845
You don't let everybody
in front of you!
1397
00:55:17,847 --> 00:55:20,214
Come on, drive!
1398
00:55:21,751 --> 00:55:22,716
Hey, baby!
1399
00:55:22,718 --> 00:55:24,317
How's it going, huh?
1400
00:55:24,319 --> 00:55:25,486
How far away are you?
1401
00:55:25,488 --> 00:55:28,821
I don't know,
maybe 20, 30 minutes?
1402
00:55:28,823 --> 00:55:29,823
I'm gonna kill you!
1403
00:55:29,825 --> 00:55:30,758
I'm on my way!
1404
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:31,859
I am coming, don't worry!
1405
00:55:31,861 --> 00:55:33,593
You're gonna
stay on this phone
1406
00:55:33,595 --> 00:55:35,729
until you get here or this
baby does, do you hear me?
1407
00:55:35,731 --> 00:55:37,198
Yup, yup.
1408
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:38,566
Come on, I
gotta get to work!
1409
00:55:38,568 --> 00:55:39,899
I'm stayin' on the phone.
1410
00:55:39,901 --> 00:55:40,868
Thanks for your help, Nick.
1411
00:55:40,870 --> 00:55:43,303
Oh, sure, anytime.
1412
00:55:43,305 --> 00:55:44,837
Hey, Fabular, check it out!
1413
00:55:46,374 --> 00:55:47,975
Oh, that's impressive.
1414
00:55:47,977 --> 00:55:50,410
The next time I need a bodyguard,
I'm gonna give you a call.
1415
00:55:50,412 --> 00:55:53,446
Well, it is a small
world after all.
1416
00:55:53,448 --> 00:55:55,915
Hello, Ernie, long time no see.
1417
00:55:55,917 --> 00:55:57,484
I beg your pardon?
1418
00:55:57,486 --> 00:55:58,953
I think you made a mistake.
1419
00:55:58,955 --> 00:56:00,220
This is The Amazing Fabular.
1420
00:56:00,222 --> 00:56:01,854
Oh, yes, yes it is.
1421
00:56:01,856 --> 00:56:03,890
Also known as Ernie Swanson.
1422
00:56:03,892 --> 00:56:07,962
Cerritos Clown
University, class of 1994.
1423
00:56:07,964 --> 00:56:09,629
You went to Clown College?
1424
00:56:09,631 --> 00:56:10,865
You bet he did.
1425
00:56:10,867 --> 00:56:14,000
Only unlike the rest of our
class who dedicated our talents
1426
00:56:14,002 --> 00:56:16,236
to the entertaining of children,
1427
00:56:16,238 --> 00:56:18,939
Ernie here parlayed his skills
into bilking aging actresses
1428
00:56:18,941 --> 00:56:21,341
and rich widows out of
their bank accounts.
1429
00:56:21,343 --> 00:56:22,776
How dare you!
1430
00:56:22,778 --> 00:56:23,977
Is that true?
1431
00:56:23,979 --> 00:56:25,678
Of course not!
1432
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:28,348
I've never laid eyes on
this wannabe Jackie Chan!
1433
00:56:28,350 --> 00:56:29,515
Oh, yeah, yeah, all right.
1434
00:56:29,517 --> 00:56:31,017
Well, maybe this
will jog your memory?
1435
00:56:31,019 --> 00:56:33,687
I was there the night Ernie
here got so loaded on grog
1436
00:56:33,689 --> 00:56:34,888
at the Renaissance fair,
1437
00:56:34,890 --> 00:56:39,627
he got a drawing of Justin
Timberlake tattooed on his butt!
1438
00:56:39,629 --> 00:56:40,928
I will not stand here
1439
00:56:40,930 --> 00:56:44,665
and listen to any more of
this psychotic slander!
1440
00:56:44,667 --> 00:56:47,000
Look, Nick, I meant
what I said before.
1441
00:56:47,002 --> 00:56:48,636
I wish you luck.
1442
00:56:48,638 --> 00:56:50,837
But if you're receiving
messages from this con artist,
1443
00:56:50,839 --> 00:56:54,375
then you're gonna need a
whole lot more than luck.
1444
00:56:54,377 --> 00:56:56,477
Mason, you're a good kid.
1445
00:56:56,479 --> 00:56:57,977
I hope you find your mom.
1446
00:56:57,979 --> 00:56:59,215
Thanks.
1447
00:57:01,450 --> 00:57:03,716
Goodness, this
creature has taken leave!
1448
00:57:03,718 --> 00:57:05,019
It's no wonder Mr. Sparkles
1449
00:57:05,021 --> 00:57:08,925
didn't leap to my defense
and rip out her jugular!
1450
00:57:10,725 --> 00:57:13,359
Mason, will you just
hang out here for a second?
1451
00:57:13,361 --> 00:57:15,595
I'm gonna talk to
Fabbie for a minute.
1452
00:57:15,597 --> 00:57:17,298
- Okay.
- What are you doing?
1453
00:57:17,300 --> 00:57:18,332
Oh, come on.
1454
00:57:18,334 --> 00:57:20,000
Okay, unhand me!
1455
00:57:20,002 --> 00:57:21,067
Show me your ass.
1456
00:57:21,069 --> 00:57:22,035
What are you,
1457
00:57:22,037 --> 00:57:23,636
You let me go right now!
1458
00:57:23,638 --> 00:57:24,837
- Show me your ass right now!
- Let me go right now!
1459
00:57:24,839 --> 00:57:26,038
Look, I'm gonna ask
you one last time,
1460
00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:29,910
do you or do you not have
Justin Timberlake on your ass?
1461
00:57:29,912 --> 00:57:30,877
So that's it?
1462
00:57:30,879 --> 00:57:32,078
That's how you treat a friend?
1463
00:57:32,080 --> 00:57:33,580
We are not friends.
1464
00:57:33,582 --> 00:57:35,783
So you'd just take the
word of a total stranger?
1465
00:57:35,785 --> 00:57:38,886
You're the total stranger.
1466
00:57:38,888 --> 00:57:42,990
And this hereby terminates
our association.
1467
00:57:42,992 --> 00:57:44,357
I don't wanna see you.
1468
00:57:44,359 --> 00:57:45,792
I don't wanna hear from you.
1469
00:57:45,794 --> 00:57:49,495
You get back into your
Fab-Mobile, get outta here.
1470
00:57:49,497 --> 00:57:50,934
Nicholas, wait.
1471
00:57:56,071 --> 00:57:59,573
Don't speak bad of me in
front of the boy, okay?
1472
00:57:59,575 --> 00:58:02,444
You don't know what
he means to me.
1473
00:58:03,979 --> 00:58:05,979
That woman was right.
1474
00:58:05,981 --> 00:58:08,718
I'm a fake, a
fraud, a charlatan.
1475
00:58:11,586 --> 00:58:14,555
I've spent most of my life
duping people out of money
1476
00:58:14,557 --> 00:58:20,729
by pretending to offer
them hope, faith, closure.
1477
00:58:21,062 --> 00:58:22,029
Why are you
telling me this now?
1478
00:58:22,031 --> 00:58:22,665
Because
1479
00:58:25,568 --> 00:58:28,067
when that boy popped in my head,
1480
00:58:28,069 --> 00:58:30,906
I instantly knew
things about him.
1481
00:58:32,073 --> 00:58:36,477
I could feel his confusion,
I could feel his pain,
1482
00:58:36,479 --> 00:58:38,845
I could feel his loneliness.
1483
00:58:38,847 --> 00:58:41,050
And I knew I had to help him.
1484
00:58:44,053 --> 00:58:46,153
You accused me of stealing
money from his foster mother.
1485
00:58:46,155 --> 00:58:49,589
I have not taken a single penny.
1486
00:58:49,591 --> 00:58:54,160
'Cause that boy offers
something far more valuable.
1487
00:58:54,162 --> 00:58:59,034
He makes me believe I can be
a better version of myself.
1488
00:59:02,937 --> 00:59:05,906
And I know if, given
the opportunity,
1489
00:59:05,908 --> 00:59:08,645
he can do the same
thing for you.
1490
00:59:12,180 --> 00:59:15,651
I really wanna
believe you right now.
1491
00:59:20,122 --> 00:59:22,189
Well, believe this.
1492
00:59:22,191 --> 00:59:24,158
If you cut me out
of that boy's life,
1493
00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:26,026
I will never help you again.
1494
00:59:26,028 --> 00:59:29,765
And mark my words, you're
gonna need my help.
1495
00:59:31,533 --> 00:59:34,200
Well, I guess
we'll never know.
1496
00:59:34,202 --> 00:59:35,037
Up, up.
1497
00:59:43,446 --> 00:59:44,647
Good luck, Mason.
1498
00:59:45,513 --> 00:59:48,816
Sorry I can't finish our quest.
1499
00:59:48,818 --> 00:59:51,086
I have a speech to deliver.
1500
01:00:05,501 --> 01:00:07,234
Okay, everything's
looking great, Kelly.
1501
01:00:07,236 --> 01:00:08,100
- Good.
- Just keep
1502
01:00:08,102 --> 01:00:09,236
doing your breathing.
1503
01:00:09,238 --> 01:00:11,205
Great, Richard, breathing.
1504
01:00:11,207 --> 01:00:12,839
I wasn't listening, I'm sorry!
1505
01:00:12,841 --> 01:00:13,774
Okay, breathe, baby.
1506
01:00:13,776 --> 01:00:15,745
One, two, three, breathe.
1507
01:00:20,783 --> 01:00:22,082
Very good.
1508
01:00:22,084 --> 01:00:23,584
- Doing great?
- Great, you're doing great!
1509
01:00:23,586 --> 01:00:24,517
Now we're gonna
to start to push, okay?
1510
01:00:24,519 --> 01:00:27,055
Okay, yeah, okay, okay, okay.
1511
01:00:28,990 --> 01:00:29,823
No, no, no, wait, wait, wait!
1512
01:00:29,825 --> 01:00:30,756
Wait, wait, wait!
1513
01:00:30,758 --> 01:00:31,491
You have to sing the song!
1514
01:00:31,493 --> 01:00:32,191
What song?
1515
01:00:32,193 --> 01:00:33,660
Richard, tell her!
1516
01:00:33,662 --> 01:00:35,629
Deep Inside of You
by Third Eye Blind.
1517
01:00:35,631 --> 01:00:37,163
Why do I have
to sing that song?
1518
01:00:37,165 --> 01:00:38,031
'Cause that was
the song that was playing
1519
01:00:38,033 --> 01:00:39,165
when Kelly and I
were making our baby.
1520
01:00:39,167 --> 01:00:40,868
Didn't need to know that.
1521
01:00:40,870 --> 01:00:43,837
No, no, but wait, wait,
we promised each other
1522
01:00:43,839 --> 01:00:46,772
that we'd sing this
song during the birth.
1523
01:00:46,774 --> 01:00:47,741
So just sing it!
1524
01:00:47,743 --> 01:00:49,042
I don't know the words!
1525
01:00:49,044 --> 01:00:50,776
It's okay, you
guys sing the chorus
1526
01:00:50,778 --> 01:00:53,714
and I'll help you
get through it.
1527
01:00:53,716 --> 01:00:56,816
♪ My friends say I've changed ♪
1528
01:00:56,818 --> 01:01:01,723
♪ I don't listen
'cause I need to be ♪
1529
01:01:02,290 --> 01:01:05,292
♪ Deep inside of you ♪
1530
01:01:05,294 --> 01:01:07,227
♪ Slide up her dress ♪
1531
01:01:07,229 --> 01:01:09,229
♪ Shouts in darkness ♪
1532
01:01:09,231 --> 01:01:13,033
♪ I'm so alive ♪
1533
01:01:13,035 --> 01:01:15,836
♪ And I'm deep inside of you ♪
1534
01:01:15,838 --> 01:01:20,207
♪ You said boy make
girl feel good ♪
1535
01:01:20,209 --> 01:01:23,544
♪ But still, deep inside ♪
1536
01:01:23,546 --> 01:01:25,147
♪ Still ♪
1537
01:01:26,749 --> 01:01:27,747
Okay, Kelly,
1538
01:01:27,749 --> 01:01:30,116
just one good, strong push.
1539
01:01:30,118 --> 01:01:31,551
Right, okay, okay.
1540
01:01:31,553 --> 01:01:33,553
I'm gonna push now.
1541
01:01:33,555 --> 01:01:35,224
- Ready?
- Push, push!
1542
01:01:42,564 --> 01:01:44,031
Richard!
1543
01:01:48,269 --> 01:01:51,571
Hi!
1544
01:01:51,573 --> 01:01:53,040
Aw, Kelly, you did it!
1545
01:02:08,723 --> 01:02:10,727
Hi, Joanna, it's Nick.
1546
01:02:11,859 --> 01:02:14,361
Yeah, we had some
unexpected diversions
1547
01:02:14,363 --> 01:02:16,665
but we're on our way now.
1548
01:02:17,633 --> 01:02:18,268
Who's we?
1549
01:02:19,602 --> 01:02:20,866
That's why I'm
calling you again.
1550
01:02:20,868 --> 01:02:22,336
I have to ask you something
1551
01:02:22,338 --> 01:02:26,006
before we waste
each other's time.
1552
01:02:26,008 --> 01:02:29,312
And forgive me for
being blunt about this.
1553
01:02:32,914 --> 01:02:36,316
Did you and I have a kid
together that I'm unaware of
1554
01:02:36,318 --> 01:02:39,022
that you gave up for adoption?
1555
01:02:55,937 --> 01:02:58,173
So what are we doing now?
1556
01:02:59,675 --> 01:03:02,278
We're gonna go
meet your mother.
1557
01:03:07,383 --> 01:03:08,818
Are you sleepy?
1558
01:03:10,019 --> 01:03:12,088
Look at the little hands.
1559
01:03:13,921 --> 01:03:15,955
Thank you for
being here with me.
1560
01:03:15,957 --> 01:03:17,189
And thank you for singing.
1561
01:03:17,191 --> 01:03:19,792
I'm very sorry I did
not know the words.
1562
01:03:19,794 --> 01:03:20,426
Was I horrible?
1563
01:03:20,428 --> 01:03:22,796
No, you were perfect.
1564
01:03:22,798 --> 01:03:24,698
She's so beautiful.
1565
01:03:24,700 --> 01:03:28,167
Yeah, this may prevent me
1566
01:03:28,169 --> 01:03:30,404
from being your maid
of honor on Sunday.
1567
01:03:30,406 --> 01:03:31,772
I'm not so sure
there's gonna be a need
1568
01:03:31,774 --> 01:03:33,406
for a maid of honor Sunday.
1569
01:03:33,408 --> 01:03:34,975
What?
1570
01:03:34,977 --> 01:03:39,111
Why, you're still gonna
marry Nick, aren't you?
1571
01:03:39,113 --> 01:03:41,117
So he has a lot of exes.
1572
01:03:42,685 --> 01:03:43,286
And he lied.
1573
01:03:44,252 --> 01:03:46,118
And he may have some
illegitimate children
1574
01:03:46,120 --> 01:03:51,126
you don't know about but
still, you two belong together.
1575
01:03:52,294 --> 01:03:54,129
Wait, what are
you talking about?
1576
01:03:56,031 --> 01:03:58,198
You just spent the last 48
hours trying to convince me
1577
01:03:58,200 --> 01:03:59,765
Nick is a monster.
1578
01:03:59,767 --> 01:04:02,435
What about protecting me?
1579
01:04:02,437 --> 01:04:03,271
Yeah.
1580
01:04:06,374 --> 01:04:09,209
I'm all done protecting you.
1581
01:04:09,211 --> 01:04:12,812
I have someone else
to protect now.
1582
01:04:12,814 --> 01:04:14,080
I did it, baby!
1583
01:04:14,082 --> 01:04:15,716
I made it to the
hospital, I'm here!
1584
01:04:15,718 --> 01:04:17,316
I'm coming!
1585
01:04:17,318 --> 01:04:18,350
Okay, love you.
1586
01:04:18,352 --> 01:04:19,486
I know!
1587
01:04:19,488 --> 01:04:20,823
I love you, too!
1588
01:04:22,758 --> 01:04:24,457
So Nick may have
sowed more seed
1589
01:04:24,459 --> 01:04:26,125
than John Deere in the past.
1590
01:04:26,127 --> 01:04:30,430
You are the one he chose to
spend the rest of his life with.
1591
01:04:30,432 --> 01:04:31,300
He loves you.
1592
01:04:35,738 --> 01:04:38,675
And I know that you are gonna
make the right decision.
1593
01:04:42,877 --> 01:04:44,377
Oh!
1594
01:04:44,379 --> 01:04:45,912
Sorry, I'm late.
1595
01:04:45,914 --> 01:04:47,346
Did I miss something?
1596
01:04:47,348 --> 01:04:49,515
You're so stupid.
1597
01:04:49,517 --> 01:04:51,118
Meet your daughter.
1598
01:04:51,120 --> 01:04:52,384
It's a girl?
1599
01:04:52,386 --> 01:04:54,421
Stephanie Jenkins Kowalski.
1600
01:04:54,423 --> 01:04:55,957
Oh!
1601
01:04:59,995 --> 01:05:01,897
She's totally asleep.
1602
01:05:17,845 --> 01:05:19,448
This is it, 305.
1603
01:05:25,287 --> 01:05:26,352
You ready?
1604
01:05:26,354 --> 01:05:28,154
I think so.
1605
01:05:28,156 --> 01:05:29,392
Come on then.
1606
01:05:33,828 --> 01:05:35,060
It's gonna be okay.
1607
01:05:35,062 --> 01:05:36,997
This is what you've
been waiting for.
1608
01:05:36,999 --> 01:05:38,932
Yeah, I'm just
a little nervous.
1609
01:05:38,934 --> 01:05:39,769
Me too.
1610
01:05:43,338 --> 01:05:44,904
Stand up straight.
1611
01:05:44,906 --> 01:05:47,374
First impressions are
essential to new relationships,
1612
01:05:47,376 --> 01:05:48,511
don't you think?
1613
01:05:51,979 --> 01:05:55,348
Well, it took you long enough.
1614
01:05:55,350 --> 01:05:57,082
Look at you, Nick.
1615
01:05:57,084 --> 01:05:58,317
You look like the
same self-centered ass
1616
01:05:58,319 --> 01:06:00,520
I fell for all those years ago.
1617
01:06:00,522 --> 01:06:03,526
You haven't changed
a bit, have you?
1618
01:06:04,993 --> 01:06:05,828
This him?
1619
01:06:07,129 --> 01:06:08,428
What is his name again?
1620
01:06:08,430 --> 01:06:09,863
My name's Mason.
1621
01:06:09,865 --> 01:06:11,298
It's nice to meet you.
1622
01:06:11,300 --> 01:06:12,598
Mason?
1623
01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:14,600
Did I name you that?
1624
01:06:14,602 --> 01:06:16,368
What kind of name is Mason?
1625
01:06:16,370 --> 01:06:19,471
Like a cartoon
moose or something.
1626
01:06:19,473 --> 01:06:21,243
You know what I mean?
1627
01:06:22,544 --> 01:06:23,542
I'm kidding, it's cute.
1628
01:06:23,544 --> 01:06:27,115
Come on in, meet your
brothers and sisters.
1629
01:06:31,486 --> 01:06:32,522
Hey!
1630
01:06:36,992 --> 01:06:38,424
Mason, I don't know
if you ate, hon.
1631
01:06:38,426 --> 01:06:42,895
We have Easy Mac or
Cap'n Crunch if you want.
1632
01:06:42,897 --> 01:06:44,230
I'm okay, thanks.
1633
01:06:44,232 --> 01:06:45,064
Okay.
1634
01:06:45,066 --> 01:06:46,935
Hey, listen up.
1635
01:06:49,872 --> 01:06:51,872
This is Mason, he's
your new brother.
1636
01:06:51,874 --> 01:06:54,577
This is Frankie,
Lenny, Johnny and,
1637
01:06:56,377 --> 01:06:57,213
Todd.
1638
01:06:58,580 --> 01:07:00,913
I was going to meetings
when I had him, so.
1639
01:07:00,915 --> 01:07:03,316
So this little cutie is Rachel.
1640
01:07:03,318 --> 01:07:04,584
Can you say hello?
1641
01:07:04,586 --> 01:07:05,951
Yeah.
1642
01:07:05,953 --> 01:07:07,620
Where's their dad?
1643
01:07:07,622 --> 01:07:10,957
Lock-up, rehab, shacked up
with a pole dancer in Barstow
1644
01:07:10,959 --> 01:07:12,558
and buried in Texas.
1645
01:07:12,560 --> 01:07:14,493
But we don't talk about that.
1646
01:07:14,495 --> 01:07:16,897
Frankie, here, take your sister.
1647
01:07:16,899 --> 01:07:19,531
Get that crap out of your hair.
1648
01:07:19,533 --> 01:07:20,502
Get her a toy.
1649
01:07:22,136 --> 01:07:23,535
Mason, why don't you sit
with the boys and watch TV
1650
01:07:23,537 --> 01:07:25,939
while your daddy and I
have a little talk, okay?
1651
01:07:25,941 --> 01:07:27,542
Yeah, yeah, sure.
1652
01:07:32,680 --> 01:07:33,515
Hey, guys.
1653
01:07:42,557 --> 01:07:44,189
All right, I'll take him.
1654
01:07:44,191 --> 01:07:45,926
You'll take him?
1655
01:07:45,928 --> 01:07:49,129
Yeah, that's why you came
all the way here, isn't it?
1656
01:07:49,131 --> 01:07:51,631
Obviously you don't want him.
1657
01:07:51,633 --> 01:07:55,571
Well, it's not that I
don't want him, I just
1658
01:07:56,405 --> 01:07:57,370
have my reasons.
1659
01:07:57,372 --> 01:07:58,171
Oh, yeah, sure.
1660
01:07:58,173 --> 01:08:00,008
You boys always
have your reasons.
1661
01:08:03,178 --> 01:08:04,881
Why didn't you ever tell me?
1662
01:08:07,082 --> 01:08:08,917
You were gone, Nick.
1663
01:08:11,153 --> 01:08:12,685
You disappeared on me.
1664
01:08:12,687 --> 01:08:16,723
No goodbye, no good luck,
not even a good riddance.
1665
01:08:16,725 --> 01:08:18,090
I'm sorry.
1666
01:08:18,092 --> 01:08:19,392
Oh, no.
1667
01:08:19,394 --> 01:08:22,062
I'm sure you had your reasons.
1668
01:08:22,064 --> 01:08:22,964
I had mine.
1669
01:08:24,967 --> 01:08:27,536
I was young, scared, alone.
1670
01:08:30,672 --> 01:08:33,005
I couldn't even afford a phone.
1671
01:08:33,007 --> 01:08:35,343
So, you know, I gave him up.
1672
01:08:36,477 --> 01:08:38,210
I felt so damned
guilty about it,
1673
01:08:38,212 --> 01:08:41,383
I vowed never to
give up a baby again.
1674
01:08:42,516 --> 01:08:45,487
You can see how well
that turned out.
1675
01:08:46,687 --> 01:08:50,255
I'm sorry, I can't imagine
how hard it would be to
1676
01:08:50,257 --> 01:08:52,494
raise all those kids alone.
1677
01:08:53,729 --> 01:08:55,627
Oh, well, at least he's old
enough to get a work permit.
1678
01:08:55,629 --> 01:08:58,697
If nothing else, he'll be
another source of income.
1679
01:08:58,699 --> 01:09:02,234
Listen, I fully intend to
contribute to his well-being so.
1680
01:09:02,236 --> 01:09:05,471
Yeah, oh, yeah, you
will be doing that, too.
1681
01:09:05,473 --> 01:09:07,072
I'm sure you can afford it
1682
01:09:07,074 --> 01:09:10,676
being you're the famous
kid-hater and all that.
1683
01:09:10,678 --> 01:09:13,313
You should follow
me around for a day.
1684
01:09:13,315 --> 01:09:15,618
You'd get some great material.
1685
01:09:16,650 --> 01:09:17,485
Seriously.
1686
01:09:24,292 --> 01:09:25,492
All right, I'm curious.
1687
01:09:25,494 --> 01:09:27,626
What are your reasons
this time around?
1688
01:09:27,628 --> 01:09:31,563
Well, for one thing, I'm
getting married on Sunday.
1689
01:09:31,565 --> 01:09:33,700
Congratulations.
1690
01:09:33,702 --> 01:09:35,135
Let me guess.
1691
01:09:35,137 --> 01:09:36,669
She's a total peach
with a rocking body
1692
01:09:36,671 --> 01:09:39,639
and a personality so
sunny she blooms daffodils
1693
01:09:39,641 --> 01:09:41,241
right outta her ass.
1694
01:09:41,243 --> 01:09:42,077
Hey.
1695
01:09:45,079 --> 01:09:48,350
She doesn't know
about him, does she?
1696
01:09:54,056 --> 01:09:55,257
That's rich, man.
1697
01:09:57,626 --> 01:09:59,358
Nothing like starting
a lifelong commitment
1698
01:09:59,360 --> 01:10:01,196
with a big fat secret.
1699
01:10:06,200 --> 01:10:08,370
Good luck with that, Nick.
1700
01:10:09,805 --> 01:10:13,807
Mom, Lenny and Johnny are
tattooing the baby again!
1701
01:10:13,809 --> 01:10:15,140
Oh, for Christ sake!
1702
01:10:15,142 --> 01:10:16,843
You little monsters!
1703
01:10:16,845 --> 01:10:20,779
What have I told you about
drawing on the baby, huh?
1704
01:10:20,781 --> 01:10:22,816
This is permanent marker!
1705
01:10:22,818 --> 01:10:25,087
What is wrong with you two?
1706
01:10:28,824 --> 01:10:31,594
Everybody go to bed right now!
1707
01:10:37,098 --> 01:10:37,863
Well, that's another two weeks
1708
01:10:37,865 --> 01:10:39,599
I can't take her out in public.
1709
01:10:39,601 --> 01:10:41,334
I know, I know, honey.
1710
01:10:41,336 --> 01:10:44,237
Frankie, go get the air
mattress out of the shed.
1711
01:10:44,239 --> 01:10:45,438
I'm putting Mason
in with you three.
1712
01:10:45,440 --> 01:10:46,505
Oh, come on!
1713
01:10:46,507 --> 01:10:47,474
There no room in there as it...
1714
01:10:47,476 --> 01:10:49,776
Hey, do not back talk me.
1715
01:10:49,778 --> 01:10:53,248
It's fine, I'll just
sleep on the couch.
1716
01:10:54,548 --> 01:10:55,581
Well, thank you, Mason.
1717
01:10:55,583 --> 01:10:57,117
That's very helpful.
1718
01:10:57,119 --> 01:10:57,850
I gotta go clean her up.
1719
01:10:57,852 --> 01:11:00,221
Say goodbye to your father.
1720
01:11:08,129 --> 01:11:09,828
I'd just
like to say thank you.
1721
01:11:09,830 --> 01:11:11,497
For what?
1722
01:11:11,499 --> 01:11:15,201
For keeping your promise
and helping me find my mother.
1723
01:11:15,203 --> 01:11:16,638
You're welcome.
1724
01:11:17,838 --> 01:11:19,074
Listen.
1725
01:11:21,409 --> 01:11:23,712
Is there anything you need or,
1726
01:11:25,547 --> 01:11:26,513
anything I can...
1727
01:11:26,515 --> 01:11:28,084
No, I'll be fine.
1728
01:11:29,484 --> 01:11:31,818
I told you, all I wanted
from you was this one thing
1729
01:11:31,820 --> 01:11:33,385
and you did it.
1730
01:11:33,387 --> 01:11:36,324
Now you can go off
and get married.
1731
01:11:37,758 --> 01:11:39,759
Yeah, well, that seems kinda
questionable at this point.
1732
01:11:39,761 --> 01:11:41,161
Why?
1733
01:11:41,163 --> 01:11:42,394
I thought once I
was out of the way,
1734
01:11:42,396 --> 01:11:44,163
you'd be free to get married.
1735
01:11:44,165 --> 01:11:45,764
Well, it seemed
that way last night
1736
01:11:45,766 --> 01:11:49,537
but this has been a very,
very, very long day.
1737
01:11:51,940 --> 01:11:52,772
Are you all right?
1738
01:11:52,774 --> 01:11:54,343
What are you doing?
1739
01:11:55,744 --> 01:11:57,544
I'm calling on my
own psychic powers
1740
01:11:57,546 --> 01:11:59,748
to see how things turn out.
1741
01:12:03,485 --> 01:12:04,917
Well?
1742
01:12:04,919 --> 01:12:06,122
Well what?
1743
01:12:07,123 --> 01:12:09,923
Well, aren't you gonna
tell me what's in store?
1744
01:12:09,925 --> 01:12:10,889
Heck, no.
1745
01:12:10,891 --> 01:12:12,660
That'd be cheating.
1746
01:12:13,727 --> 01:12:15,163
What a rip-off.
1747
01:12:57,004 --> 01:12:57,970
Well, I mean, this seemed like
1748
01:12:57,972 --> 01:12:59,871
the perfect moment to say it.
1749
01:12:59,873 --> 01:13:01,476
You're my father.
1750
01:13:07,481 --> 01:13:09,849
Is there any way I could take
a piece of that for the road?
1751
01:13:11,485 --> 01:13:12,818
When was the last time
you had your radar gun
1752
01:13:12,820 --> 01:13:14,987
calibrated for accuracy?
1753
01:13:14,989 --> 01:13:16,122
Are you a ninja?
1754
01:13:16,124 --> 01:13:19,692
I knew I had met the man
of my dreams when he spoke
1755
01:13:19,694 --> 01:13:23,531
these three precious
words to me, I hate kids.
1756
01:13:26,467 --> 01:13:28,768
So, what is that thing anyway?
1757
01:13:28,770 --> 01:13:30,303
It's a fidget spinner.
1758
01:13:30,305 --> 01:13:31,571
It helps keep me calm.
1759
01:13:31,573 --> 01:13:32,505
Oh, yeah?
1760
01:13:32,507 --> 01:13:34,577
I could use one of those.
1761
01:14:01,636 --> 01:14:02,934
Hi.
1762
01:14:02,936 --> 01:14:03,972
Hi.
1763
01:14:12,513 --> 01:14:13,746
Thanks for coming by.
1764
01:14:13,748 --> 01:14:17,550
It was at the top of
my to-do list today.
1765
01:14:17,552 --> 01:14:20,623
How was the lecture
in Santa Barbara?
1766
01:14:24,592 --> 01:14:26,626
There was no lecture.
1767
01:14:26,628 --> 01:14:28,060
I know.
1768
01:14:28,062 --> 01:14:28,929
We need to have a serious...
1769
01:14:28,931 --> 01:14:31,331
I'm calling off
the wedding, Nick.
1770
01:14:31,333 --> 01:14:32,165
That's what I was gonna do.
1771
01:14:32,167 --> 01:14:34,599
Well, it's too
late, I just did it.
1772
01:14:34,601 --> 01:14:35,934
Yeah, I heard that.
1773
01:14:35,936 --> 01:14:37,170
Why were you
gonna call it off?
1774
01:14:37,172 --> 01:14:40,005
Oh, no, you called it off
first, you gotta say why first.
1775
01:14:40,007 --> 01:14:42,575
Well, I first considered it
1776
01:14:42,577 --> 01:14:44,410
when I found out
there wasn't a lecture
1777
01:14:44,412 --> 01:14:46,815
in Santa Barbara or wherever.
1778
01:14:47,748 --> 01:14:48,581
That's what did it?
1779
01:14:48,583 --> 01:14:49,982
No.
1780
01:14:49,984 --> 01:14:52,018
And then I found this
giant box of girlfriends
1781
01:14:52,020 --> 01:14:54,086
which was horrifying.
1782
01:14:54,088 --> 01:14:56,755
How did you ever find
time to write a book?
1783
01:14:56,757 --> 01:14:58,090
So that's why
you're calling it off?
1784
01:14:58,092 --> 01:14:58,925
No.
1785
01:14:58,927 --> 01:14:59,992
No?
1786
01:14:59,994 --> 01:15:02,094
It wasn't your
lying in the present
1787
01:15:02,096 --> 01:15:05,997
and it wasn't my
trolling around the past.
1788
01:15:05,999 --> 01:15:08,037
It's about the future.
1789
01:15:09,570 --> 01:15:10,836
You don't want to marry me
1790
01:15:10,838 --> 01:15:12,104
because of something
I haven't done yet?
1791
01:15:12,106 --> 01:15:14,139
It's not about you, Nick.
1792
01:15:14,141 --> 01:15:15,707
It's about me.
1793
01:15:15,709 --> 01:15:16,943
You don't want to marry me
1794
01:15:16,945 --> 01:15:20,049
because of something
you haven't done yet?
1795
01:15:21,615 --> 01:15:23,519
I've changed my mind.
1796
01:15:25,086 --> 01:15:27,323
I wanna have a family.
1797
01:15:28,390 --> 01:15:29,391
I want kids.
1798
01:15:32,994 --> 01:15:34,393
Nick.
1799
01:15:34,395 --> 01:15:37,063
You need to trust me, Sydney.
1800
01:15:37,065 --> 01:15:41,701
I've loved you since the
first time I saw you.
1801
01:15:41,703 --> 01:15:45,103
I love you with every
molecule of my being.
1802
01:15:45,105 --> 01:15:48,010
I don't wanna be
without you, ever.
1803
01:15:49,811 --> 01:15:51,710
You believe that, right?
1804
01:15:51,712 --> 01:15:53,412
Yes.
1805
01:15:53,414 --> 01:15:55,581
Then come with me.
1806
01:15:55,583 --> 01:15:57,119
Where are we going?
1807
01:15:58,186 --> 01:16:00,819
I can't undo
everything in my past
1808
01:16:00,821 --> 01:16:02,921
but there is one thing
that I can change.
1809
01:16:02,923 --> 01:16:03,758
Come on.
1810
01:16:22,976 --> 01:16:25,044
I'm gonna
get you, Johnny!
1811
01:16:25,046 --> 01:16:25,981
Hey, hey!
1812
01:16:33,520 --> 01:16:34,622
Hello, Nick.
1813
01:16:39,726 --> 01:16:41,460
This must be daffodil.
1814
01:16:41,462 --> 01:16:42,663
Hi, I'm Sydney.
1815
01:16:44,199 --> 01:16:45,697
Please.
1816
01:16:45,699 --> 01:16:47,099
You forget something?
1817
01:16:47,101 --> 01:16:49,702
I want Mason back.
1818
01:16:49,704 --> 01:16:52,037
Really, what happened?
1819
01:16:52,039 --> 01:16:55,041
You feel guilty for a change?
1820
01:16:55,043 --> 01:16:56,945
What's it like for you?
1821
01:16:58,178 --> 01:16:59,478
Just get him.
1822
01:16:59,480 --> 01:17:02,215
Oh, I would love
to but he's gone.
1823
01:17:02,217 --> 01:17:03,148
Gone?
1824
01:17:03,150 --> 01:17:04,884
What do you mean he's gone?
1825
01:17:04,886 --> 01:17:05,917
He snuck out in the
middle of the night.
1826
01:17:05,919 --> 01:17:07,118
Just up and left.
1827
01:17:07,120 --> 01:17:10,857
Not a goodbye, not a good
luck, not even a good riddance.
1828
01:17:10,859 --> 01:17:12,058
Congratulations, Nick,
1829
01:17:12,060 --> 01:17:14,227
he turned out to be
just like you after all.
1830
01:17:14,229 --> 01:17:16,261
Well, don't you have
any idea where he is?
1831
01:17:16,263 --> 01:17:18,467
What do I look
like a mind reader?
1832
01:17:22,102 --> 01:17:24,202
I'm getting an A.
1833
01:17:24,204 --> 01:17:25,640
A really big A.
1834
01:17:28,743 --> 01:17:29,578
Nick?
1835
01:17:36,217 --> 01:17:38,850
I know how to find him.
1836
01:17:38,852 --> 01:17:41,953
We, the gifted, face
insurmountable odds
1837
01:17:41,955 --> 01:17:44,256
in a world that continues
to lean in favor
1838
01:17:44,258 --> 01:17:46,994
of dark skepticism
and disbelief.
1839
01:17:48,930 --> 01:17:51,296
For centuries, we were
heralded and praised,
1840
01:17:51,298 --> 01:17:54,533
even worshipped
for our abilities.
1841
01:17:54,535 --> 01:17:56,902
But in these troubled
times, when what we provide
1842
01:17:56,904 --> 01:17:59,071
comfort and hope
are needed the most,
1843
01:17:59,073 --> 01:18:02,241
we are shunned,
vilified, even hunted
1844
01:18:02,243 --> 01:18:06,746
by those who cannot see
past their own fears.
1845
01:18:06,748 --> 01:18:09,549
We all know that when
things become their worst,
1846
01:18:09,551 --> 01:18:11,817
when what is desperately
sought cannot be found
1847
01:18:11,819 --> 01:18:15,987
by traditional means, that is
when skeptics bow their heads
1848
01:18:15,989 --> 01:18:18,926
and concede to
their lack of sight.
1849
01:18:20,128 --> 01:18:21,196
How delightful!
1850
01:18:23,565 --> 01:18:26,566
I just love the smell of
humble pie, don't you?
1851
01:18:28,269 --> 01:18:29,734
At this time, Mr. Sparkles and I
1852
01:18:29,736 --> 01:18:31,269
will be entertaining
your questions.
1853
01:18:31,271 --> 01:18:35,273
Just step right up to
the mic and ask away.
1854
01:18:35,275 --> 01:18:37,609
Go on, don't be skittish.
1855
01:18:37,611 --> 01:18:38,247
Anyone?
1856
01:18:39,279 --> 01:18:41,846
No one have, of course.
1857
01:18:41,848 --> 01:18:43,316
If you are as gifted as I am,
1858
01:18:43,318 --> 01:18:46,719
you already know the
answers, don't you?
1859
01:18:46,721 --> 01:18:48,019
Well, let's saunter
over to the pool
1860
01:18:48,021 --> 01:18:49,956
for the pyrokinetic
meet and greet.
1861
01:18:49,958 --> 01:18:51,189
In response to last
year's faux pas,
1862
01:18:51,191 --> 01:18:52,925
I'm told there's much
more fire extinguishers
1863
01:18:52,927 --> 01:18:54,530
this time around.
1864
01:18:55,629 --> 01:18:57,298
I have a question.
1865
01:18:58,600 --> 01:19:01,800
Isn't it true that
you're a fraud?
1866
01:19:01,802 --> 01:19:03,035
I beg your pardon?
1867
01:19:03,037 --> 01:19:04,970
Didn't you admit
to me just yesterday
1868
01:19:04,972 --> 01:19:09,140
that your entire career was
forged from being an imposter?
1869
01:19:09,142 --> 01:19:10,242
Guards, will you
escort this barbarian
1870
01:19:10,244 --> 01:19:12,143
off the premises, please?
1871
01:19:12,145 --> 01:19:12,978
What are you doing?
1872
01:19:12,980 --> 01:19:13,912
All right then...
1873
01:19:13,914 --> 01:19:15,615
Sir, you need to come with us.
1874
01:19:15,617 --> 01:19:16,715
All right, I challenge you
in front of all your peers
1875
01:19:16,717 --> 01:19:20,185
to prove that you
are not a fake!
1876
01:19:20,187 --> 01:19:21,987
How do you suppose I do that?
1877
01:19:21,989 --> 01:19:23,157
Find my son.
1878
01:19:24,758 --> 01:19:25,992
Right now.
1879
01:19:25,994 --> 01:19:29,231
You found me for him,
now find him for me.
1880
01:19:30,198 --> 01:19:33,035
I want him in my life.
1881
01:19:34,369 --> 01:19:35,934
Just do it.
1882
01:19:35,936 --> 01:19:38,336
Do it, Fabular, come on.
1883
01:19:38,338 --> 01:19:41,240
I got $500 here
for the first psychic
1884
01:19:41,242 --> 01:19:43,408
that can find my son.
1885
01:19:43,410 --> 01:19:45,344
He's on a train to Istanbul!
1886
01:19:45,346 --> 01:19:48,346
He's at Delray
Beach, tower 22!
1887
01:19:48,348 --> 01:19:51,117
He's fishing in Lake
Charles, Louisiana!
1888
01:19:51,119 --> 01:19:54,319
He is in San Francisco at
the opening of the opera.
1889
01:19:54,321 --> 01:19:55,155
Wait!
1890
01:19:56,324 --> 01:20:01,696
He's in Pismo Beach
at Melvin's house!
1891
01:20:06,066 --> 01:20:07,767
Do you actually need to be
a psychic to take a guess?
1892
01:20:14,441 --> 01:20:15,644
He's here.
1893
01:20:20,347 --> 01:20:22,149
Hi, Nick.
1894
01:20:27,989 --> 01:20:28,824
Hi, son.
1895
01:20:34,762 --> 01:20:36,198
Aw.
1896
01:20:42,704 --> 01:20:46,438
Hey, Mason, why
would you run away?
1897
01:20:46,440 --> 01:20:50,076
I came to ask Fabular
if I could live with him.
1898
01:20:50,078 --> 01:20:51,376
I don't wanna live
with my mother.
1899
01:20:51,378 --> 01:20:53,278
She isn't very nice.
1900
01:20:53,280 --> 01:20:56,881
No, I think she's
just not happy right now
1901
01:20:56,883 --> 01:20:57,849
but I think there's
something we can do
1902
01:20:57,851 --> 01:20:59,354
to maybe change that.
1903
01:21:00,754 --> 01:21:02,987
Hi, I'm Sydney.
1904
01:21:02,989 --> 01:21:05,191
It's nice to
officially meet you.
1905
01:21:05,193 --> 01:21:06,959
It's nice to meet you, Sydney.
1906
01:21:06,961 --> 01:21:09,428
Nick talks about
you all the time.
1907
01:21:09,430 --> 01:21:12,497
He is definitely yours.
1908
01:21:12,499 --> 01:21:14,500
Hey, Fabular!
1909
01:21:14,502 --> 01:21:17,368
You said on the radio that
Petey was on his way home to me!
1910
01:21:17,370 --> 01:21:18,970
But he was already dead!
1911
01:21:18,972 --> 01:21:20,473
You lied, you bastard!
1912
01:21:20,475 --> 01:21:22,742
This is for Petey!
1913
01:21:29,417 --> 01:21:30,452
Whoa!
1914
01:21:31,485 --> 01:21:32,319
Damn it!
1915
01:21:34,454 --> 01:21:36,425
Whoa, are you okay?
1916
01:21:40,026 --> 01:21:41,029
Scarecrow!
1917
01:21:42,329 --> 01:21:43,164
Tin Man!
1918
01:21:44,865 --> 01:21:45,466
My lion!
1919
01:21:49,003 --> 01:21:50,969
Thank you, Ernie.
1920
01:21:50,971 --> 01:21:52,206
I'll take my.
1921
01:22:03,784 --> 01:22:06,117
Is there anyone here
today who knows of a reason
1922
01:22:06,119 --> 01:22:10,725
why these two should not be
joined in holy matrimony?
1923
01:22:14,462 --> 01:22:16,428
Good, ladies and gentlemen,
1924
01:22:16,430 --> 01:22:18,197
it gives me great pleasure
to introduce to you
1925
01:22:18,199 --> 01:22:21,200
Mr. and Mrs. Nicholas Pearson.
1926
01:22:22,470 --> 01:22:24,435
Kiss the bride.
1927
01:22:33,247 --> 01:22:36,549
DC THE BRAIN
SUPREME: Party people!
1928
01:22:36,551 --> 01:22:39,754
Yeah, Tag Team music
in full effect!
1929
01:22:41,087 --> 01:22:45,925
That's me, DC the Brain Supreme
and my man Steve Roll'n!
1930
01:23:11,351 --> 01:23:12,553
Hey, hey, hey!
1931
01:23:13,486 --> 01:23:14,586
Hey!
1932
01:23:14,588 --> 01:23:16,522
Excuse me.
1933
01:23:16,524 --> 01:23:18,590
Is this one of yours?
1934
01:23:18,592 --> 01:23:20,194
Yep, afraid so.
1935
01:23:21,962 --> 01:23:22,963
Here you go.
1936
01:23:24,198 --> 01:23:27,633
Wow, your husband's a lucky man.
1937
01:23:27,635 --> 01:23:29,535
I want that one.
1938
01:23:29,537 --> 01:23:31,202
I love kids.
1939
01:23:31,204 --> 01:23:34,475
Oh, there is no husband.
1940
01:23:35,543 --> 01:23:36,812
It's just me.
1941
01:23:38,645 --> 01:23:40,314
My name is Walter.
1942
01:23:41,382 --> 01:23:42,514
Joanna.
1943
01:23:42,516 --> 01:23:43,648
Joanna?
1944
01:23:43,650 --> 01:23:45,050
Yeah.
1945
01:23:45,052 --> 01:23:46,518
That's a beautiful name.
1946
01:25:47,307 --> 01:25:49,675
Yeah, Tag Team music
1947
01:25:49,677 --> 01:25:52,377
comin' straight at 'cha!
1948
01:25:52,379 --> 01:25:57,385
That's me, DC the Brain Supreme,
and my man Steve Roll'n!
1949
01:25:58,519 --> 01:25:59,718
Bring it back y'all,
1950
01:25:59,720 --> 01:26:01,353
bring it back y'all
and here we go!
1951
01:26:20,673 --> 01:26:21,706
Whoomp, there it is
1952
01:29:05,709 --> 01:29:10,709
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