All language subtitles for Animal.Practice.S01E04.Dr.Yamamazing.WEB-DL.x264-PJA.en

George, check it out.

You got a package
from eli manning.

You know, it's always been
a goal of mine

to hold Eli's Manning package.
I'm kidding.

I'm not. What is it?

Two tickets for tonight's game.

He insisted on giving 'em to me
after I performed

that lumpectomy on his cat.

Cool.

It must be nice
to get such accolades, george.

You're amazing.

You're like the sun.

Perhaps I can bask in your glow

if I can stand close enough?

Please don't. You smell
like eggs or something.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Hey, what are you gonna do
with that extra ticket?

Uh, sorry.

I already invited someone.

Rizzo, go long.

Come on, man.
You gotta jump for it.

I would have caught it, George.

1x04
Dr. Yamamazing

Hey, let me show you around.
So...

Ooh, wait, Angela,

This is Dr. Leiter.

She's interviewing for
the new vet position.

- Hi.
- Hi. Miss Crane, can I use

these extra salt licks
for after work margaritas?

You're kidding.
She's kidding.

After work margaritas?
Sign me up.

Oh, I like your style.
You're all right, Dr. Leiter.

- You saved the fiesta.
- Okay.

Oh, I want you to meet
our chief of surgery.

George.
- Dr. George Coleman.

Your reputation precedes you.

It generally does. Yup.

Dr. Leiter is here
for the new vet position.

Oh, right, okay.
Well, good luck.

Oh, I find it best
to not depend on luck.

Jill was just published
in national geographic

for her work with rhinos
in Tanzania.

They're doing a lot
of puff pieces these days.

So, Dr. Leiter,
you studied at...

- Cal.
- Oh, all right.

Top five school. Not bad.

- Number one.
- Really?

I could have sworn
that it was just... it was closer

to five.
- Nope. Number one.

It's hard to keep track.

That stuff fluctuates so much.

- Been pretty consistent.
- It's really political.

Yeah. Great.
Dr. Leiter, we'll talk soon?

Thanks.

- I love her.
- She's a quack.

Reginald agrees.

I met with six other vets,

And she is by far the best.

Can you just please meet
with her?

Sure. Just kidding. No.

George.

Seriously, do not be threatened
by her.

Threatened? I've been
published too, all right?

He was voted sexiest vet alive

in Cat Fancy
and Cat Fancy Latina.

Ah!

Rizzo. Bounty it.

I wish I could bring Rizzo
to my house,

Help me with my chores.

I have so many chores.

George, please just do
this one thing for me.

Fine.

But you have to say it.

Forget it.

George Coleman is the best
veterinarian in the world.

Eh.

He is also the greatest

and most tireless lover
I've ever had.

Okay, I'll meet her.

Thank you, Dorothy.
I appreciate your candor.

Lots of requests
for Dr. Coleman tomorrow.

You've got
a distraction osteogenesis,

Percutaneous cystolithotomy.

Anything for Yamamoto?

- You've got
a 2:00 P.M. Cat neuter.

And, may I say, Dr. Coleman,

Props on that impressive
mountain lion surgery.

It's like you singlehandedly do
the work of two men around here.

Technically it was the work
of two men.

I assisted you.

Don't be a glory hog, Yamamoto.

You already got the cat neuter.

- Sorry, George.
- That's all right.

If you really want
to make it up to me,

You could take my night shift.

Dorothy's making me take
a vet out to some stupid dinner.

Of course, George.

I wish I could take your shift
and your stupid dinner.

I regret that I have
but one Yamamoto to give you.

Well, Mr. Ricketts, it looks

like your parrot suffers
from egg-binding.

It's when a bird has an egg
but can't lay.

Elway's pregnant?
I thought she was a virgin.

Female parrots
can actually lay eggs

without ever having done
the nasty with a male.

That's a great name by the way.

Oh, yeah. Elway.

Yeah, I only named her

after the best quarterback
and front office guy

of all time.
- You from Colorado?

- Indian hills.
- Evergreen.

- Get out of town.
- I will not get out of town.

Wish I could, though.

They just got 40 inches
of sweet, fluffy pow-pow

on copper mountain last night.

God, I can't believe
I'm stuck here in new york.

Me too.
You know, as hard as I've tried,

I just... I've never felt like an
honest-to-goodness new yorker.

Six years I've lived here,

And I still can't win

a game of three-card monte.

I've been here two years.

I'm still afraid of riding
on those underground trains.

Well, listen,
Elway's gonna be just fine,

But I'd like to keep her
here overnight for treatment.

Okay. Hey, you know what,

If you're really missing
Colorado,

I'm going to this bar tonight
over on 9th.

It's called
rocky mountain empire.

It may just be me,
but the air feels

a little bit thinner
over there.

Yeah, dude, I am in.

Or should I say Daffy.

Ooh!
- Yeah, spread eagle!

Helicopter.

- Dingleberry.
- Whirlybird.

Backstabber.

Yamamoto?

I thought it was communal soup.

No, no.
Oh, forget about the soup.

Listen, there is a great dane
coming in.

It's in critical condition.

Apparently it got hit
by the cash cab.

How do they expect someone
to drive a car

and run a game show
at the same time?

It's lunacy.
Yamamoto, this is big.

All right?
It's Bloomberg's dog.

Michael Bloomberg.

The Mayor.
- Of?

- New York.
- City?

Yeah.

Shouldn't we get George
to do it?

No, he is off tonight, okay?
You are the attending.

Yamamoto, okay, you can do it!

- I can do it.
- Yes.

- I can do it.
- Yes.

- I'm gonna do it.
- Okay.

Okay.

Okay, and, just in case
you can't,

George, please pick up.

not gonna lie.

I was pretty good.
I was better.

Hey. What are you doing?

May I see that, please?

And then blooms called me

and thanked me personally
for saving Nasdaq.

You mean the mayor's
dog's name is Nasdaq?

Yup, and I told him he was up
100%, and then we laughed.

Oh, have we saved every
animal's life in new york city?

I guess we can all relax. Okay.

So I heard there was
some excitement here yesterday.

Congrats. That's a pretty big
surgery you pulled off.

Yeah, news flash. Saving
the world's most important dog

from certain death is "a pretty
big surgery," George. Thanks.

Well, I don't know
if it's the most important...

Who else? The Obama Dog?

News flash: That's Malia's dog.

Barack doesn't even know
its name.

First of all,
stop saying "news flash."

Second of all, take it from me,

You got to be careful
with this.

I have had my dances
with fame...

News flash: I'm not dancing
with fame.

I'm making sweet, sweet love
to her.

And you know what?

I'm raw dogging it.

- Oh, Dr. Leiter.
- Hi.

I was gonna call you.
How did it go with George?

Fantastic.

Um, he really sold me
on the hospital.

- Is that his watch?
- Yes.

You're probably gonna hear
about this.

Long story short,
one martini led to another,

And he left his watch
at my place.

Like a... like in the foyer?

- More nightstand.
- Okay.

Well, I'm glad
you guys get along.

'cause that's great.

It's great to hear things
so great.

You know? I don't know
why I keep saying great,

But obviously I think
it's great.

Have at it, buster.

Uh-huh.
- Hey, George.

Do you happen to have the time?

It is 10:33.

What? No. No cell phones.

Now what time is it?

It is still 10:33.

You're supposed to look
at your watch.

Oh, not wearing my watch.

Oh. A-ha!
Looking for something?

You left it
at Dr. Leiter's apartment.

That's right. I took it off.

It kept getting caught
in her hair.

George, you had sex with her?

You knew I wanted to hire her.

You should.
She is a fantastic vet.

Smart, capable,
flexible as a crazy straw.

I could get used to having
someone like her around.

Ugh. Very classy, George.

Very classy.

Hey, I'm starting
to like our talks.

Are you ready
to prep this little guy

for the heart surgery?

Why was that funny?

No, I'm not...
that's not funny.

I'm not laughing at the cat.

I was just thinking
how awesome it was

that Ray Bourque
finally won a Stanley cup

when he was with the avalanche.

I'm gonna text max about it.
He'll get it.

Is max a boring guy
who likes boring things?

'cause everything you just said
is boring.

No, Angela, max is not boring.

He's awesome.
Took me out last night.

So you're dating dudes now.

I'm not dating dudes, okay?

We just have good menergy.
It's hard to come by.

Did you know
that there's a place

in New York
called Little Colorado?

Max took me there last night
with a bunch of his friends.

I'm pretty sure next time me and
max are gonna go to third base.

Oh. All right.

No, third base
is a Colorado rockies bar, okay?

Yeah, I've texted him
a few times about it today,

But he hasn't gotten back to me
to set it up.

Are you getting reception
in here?

My phone's acting weird.

You've texted him a few times
already today?

A few. Or six.

I'm sure he's just off
drinking brews, being awesome,

Wearing plaid somewhere.

If you send someone six texts

and they haven't gotten back
to you,

then you should
probably calm down.

Trust me, guys don't like it

when you're
all over their jocks.

I'm sure he's just busy.

He's a zamboni driver, Angela.

It's not like he has a ton
of free time.

Sparkle, why didn't you tell
me you were bringing Tiffany in?

You know I would have cleared
my schedule.

Sorry, George.

Sparkle's seeing
Dr. Yam-amazing now.

You understand.

Seriously?
You're picking him over me?

Hey, bitch.

What's with all the red dots?

Lots of requests
for Dr. Yamamoto.

But you have an earwax removal

that I'm sure you'll knock out
of the park.

That's it. There's only one
silverback gorilla in a troop.

That silverback gorilla is me.

I'm not really sure
what you're talking about.

I'm talking
about that bear case.

I'm taking it, so just feel free
to spread the word.

Actually, that's
Dr. Yamamoto's because...

Well, these just pop right off,

So it's not even an issue.

Let me see what you got.

With all the money
I spend on art lessons.

Our new yorker readers
are interested

in getting to know
the real Dr. Yam-amazing.

Well, the real Dr. Yam-amazing
is dynamic and yet whimsical.

I have a heart of gold,
but the work...

Sir.

The bear just arrived.

I'm college-educated.

I just got a yellow belt
in taekwondo.

That took me a year.

Uh, what was that, Howard?

Oh, the bear is here.

I just...
I just can't hear you.

The bear is here.

Why the hell didn't you say so?

I will not lose this bear!

You don't want to miss this.

All right, team,
Dr. Coleman's on the case.

Dr. George R. Coleman.

Now I want nothing but a-game.

Champions only.
Beat it, Zadorian.

All right,
what are we looking at?

Hemilaminectomy?
Is it tularemia?

That's commonly contracted

by ingesting
infected rodent meat.

Come on, man. What is it?

He's here for a teeth cleaning.

I tried to tell you
in there, but you were like...

Well, looks like everything's
in order.

Nurse, you're in charge.

Okay, I'm in charge.

Get the biggest toothbrush
we have.

And that's when I said
good-bye to ranger.

You do realize that
all of your stories end

with the pet dying, right?

Well, being a vet is hard.

Miss crane, I was wondering...

Angela, I'm in the middle
of a job interview.

Oh, I thought
you were gonna hire Dr. Leiter.

It turns out that Dr. Leiter
was not right for the position.

Not right for the position?

I mean, she must be better
than this guy.

Look at him.
Are those scrubs or pajamas?

They're scrubs,
but I sleep in 'em.

Okay. Angela.

Dr. Leiter and George
did something unprofessional.

What'd they do?

Ooh, take x-rays of each other
for funsies?

You know
it's not actually a bone?

It won't even show up.

No. Okay? No.
They slept together.

So obviously I cannot hire her.

Ohh.

- What?

Nothing. I just thought
you were over George,

But you're obviously jealous.

- Okay, that's ridiculous.
- What's ridiculous

is not hiring Dr. Leiter
because of her personal life.

You know what, there are a lot
of great vets out there.

This guy's a top candidate.

This guy's asleep.

Ha.

I get my strength
from each and every one of you.

You're my Yama-minis.

Wow. Yamamoto's
really blowing up, huh?

- I wish.
- What?

Sorry to bother you.
It's just I was looking

over the report
for the Bloomberg surgery.

The surgical team checked in
five sponges,

But only checked out four.

He left a sponge
inside that dog.

Looks like the clock
just struck midnight

- on Dr. Yam-amazing.
- Ta-da!

Anything interesting?

I don't know.
I really can't see anything.

I have some bad news.
Some unsettling details

have come to light
regarding the mayor's dog.

Is Nasdaq okay?

I'm afraid not.

Apparently,
we are missing a sponge.

And if we don't have it...

I left it in the dog.

Oh, my god.

I've already called
the mayor's office,

And they're bringing him
back in.

Look, it happens.
I mean, not to me, but...

I'm so sorry, George.

I thought
I was something special.

I thought I was yam-amazing.

But now I'm just...

Yama-moron.

Don't be confused
by the glasses, George.

I'm still sad.

Yo, it's max.

You know what to do.

Hey, man,
you got to call me back.

I'm getting super pissed
over here.

Just kidding. I'm not pissed.

But do call me back.

Hey, Maximilian. It's me.

I just ordered, like,
way too many chicken wings,

So, if you're in the hood,
come on by.

We'll get our cluck on.

Hey, man. Missed you
on those chicken wings.

Got pretty crazy over here.

Dougie did a blue cheese shot.

Sorry, Doug.

I think it's over.

You want to go drown
your sorrows?

No, I meant with... ugh.

Never mind.

Dr. Leiter, you are
an amazing vet.

I mean, inspiring really,
but here's the thing.

I just... I really don't think

that you would want
to work here.

I'm sorry, did you call me
in here to tell me

that you're not hiring me?

Because you know you can just
do that over the phone.

No, that's... okay.

Well, you should know
that George and I dated

two years ago.
He's my ex-boyfriend.

Oh.

Are you still into him?

Whoa. No. Uh-uh.

No. I mean, well, I'm sure
George thinks I am, but...

Oh, my god.

Oh, I see you're busy.

Yes. Very. What?

Want to come watch me
clean up Yamamoto's mess?

You are loving this, huh?

Coleman back up on top.
- What?

I'm the silverback.

It's just the natural order
of things.

Silverback. You know what,
Yamamoto has lived

in your shadow since the moment
he came to this hospital.

Even a mighty silverback lets
his troop-mate have a moment

in the sun once in a while.

Uh, not factual.

Fine. Then you're just mean.

That's factual.

This dog is the heart and soul
of New York City.

Frankly, I'm not convinced

this wasn't
an assassination attempt.

People, Nasdaq is going
to be just fine,

So if we could
all just calm down.

Calm down? We're the sixth

and seventh assistants
to the mayor of new york, okay?

We're not gonna take
the fall for this.

We are taking the dog
to x-ray right now.

When we locate the sponge,

We will let you know.

When the mayor finds out

you almost killed his dog,

You'll be delousing sewer rats
in new jersey.

- I am so sorry...
- All right, that's enough.

Listen here,
you sycophantic sack of bile...

- Yes, George, I am.
- Not you.

You're in my hospital now.

You're gonna show some respect.

The dog is gonna be just fine.

And one more thing, I don't know
if you read the papers.

Dr. Yamamoto is one of the best
vets in the entire city.

So then how did he forget
a sponge in the dog?

It wasn't Yamamoto, all right?

It was me.

He completed the surgery,

Left me
to do a final stitch-up,

I left the sponge in the dog.

- George, you don't have to...
- So if you need

to give the mayor a name,

You tell him to call
Dr. George Coleman.

This is our dramatic exit. Oh.

All right, so Elway's all set.

Great. Thanks.

Yeah, no problem.

So is your phone broken

or... I sent you
a couple of texts.

You sent me 63 texts.

Yeah, I may have smothered you
a little,

But in my defense I was in a
complete blue cheese haze, bro.

You know
what I'm talking about.

It's not the smothering, man.

You're just too new york.

I'm... I'm too new york?

What... what are you
talking about?

Back in Little Colorado,
you embarrassed me

- in front of my friends.
- How?

You got your beer,
you put it in the glass.

Wh...

You called new york "the city."

Everybody knows
Denver's the city.

I'm still Colorado.

No, man,

You're Colora-don't.

Hey, you okay, Doug?

Okay? Are you kidding me?

He just told me
that I am too new york.

- Is that bad?
- Yeah...

I'm too new york.

I'm... I'm too new york.

I'm a new yorker.

I'm an official... I'm big city
Doug walkin' over here!

Yeah! Hey, let's go celebrate
with some drinks.

Yeah, but it's got to be

somewhere really,
really new york.

Times square.

Bubba gump shrimp company.
Let's do it. Come on.

I'ma hit the ATM,
go play some three-card monte.

My wife, my parents,

My life coach,
they were all right.

- I'm a fool.
- You're not a fool.

Listen, I should have let you
have your moment in the sun.

The truth was
I was a little envious.

No, George. I'm sorry too.

I guess from time to time we've
all flown too close to the sun.

Believe me,
I've learned my lesson.

You see anything yet?

Nothing. Whoa.

There you go.

Can I see?

Check the serial number.

I think we found
our missing sponge.

Yam-amazing lives!

I am god.

- Hey there.
- Hi.

Hope Dr. Leiter
wasn't too disappointed

when you told her the bad news.

What bad news? I hired her.

What? Why would you do that?

Need I remind you about the sex

I had with her?

- So?
- So she went home

with your ex-boyfriend,
did carnal things

with a phone cord
that he will never forget.

That is your business.

Come on. Who are you kidding?

No one is more jealous...

George, you slept with her
so I wouldn't hire her.

- Yeah.
- This is a new low.

And I'm talking to a guy
who faked a stroke

to get out of going to see
The Lion King with me.

It was not factual.

Hyenas don't play the bongos.

Know what is factual?
I hired her,

I'm not jealous, and to be
honest it doesn't even register.

Well, this day sucked.

Thank you.

You've seen the headlines,
now meet the man.

We sat down with
Dr. Yam-amazing to find out

what makes this hero tick.

Like,
I'm a really spontaneous guy.

I'm fun, you know.

You know, I like to go
to raves.

I'm like a survivor.

When I was eight years old,
I legally died for six minutes.

I'm like a walking miracle.

I have
a really rich family history.

On my mother's side,
my great-great-grandfather

was Emperor Hirohito.

And he was a great emperor
and a really nice guy

aside from the whole
pearl harbor thing.

I'm kind of artistic.
I took second place

in the Westchester
art competition last year.

I made a six-foot ceramic statue
of B.D. Wong.

He was great in Jurassic Park.

== sync, corrected by Martzy ==
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