All language subtitles for 2x09.EN

I'll set these down
and show you through the house.

You didn't have to wait outside.
Come in. It's OK, fella.

I don't mind if I do.
Nice place you got here.

Well, thank you.
Can I offer you something?

Coffee? Tea?
Scraps from last night's dinner?

Oh, you're pulling my tail.

Aren't you a little old
for imaginary friends?

Sophia, I wasn't talking to myself.

I was talking to the dog.

My Auntie Bet talked to woodpeckers.

1,000 volts a day stopped that.

He's adorable.
I found him at the market.

I'll keep him till I find his owner.

Find his owner before Dorothy
gets home. She hates dogs.

Hello.

Oh, well, look at
the cute little puppy dog.

Hello there, honey.

He likes me. He must be a male.

Then you don't mind if he stays
till I find his owner?

Mind? Of course I mind.

You can't keep that filthy beast
in my house.

But you said he was cute.

He is. But a dog belongs outdoors
in his natural habitat

where he's free to roam and lick himself
in the privacy of his doghouse.

He won't be any trouble.
I'll keep him in my room.

You won't know he's here.

OK, but we're not the only ones
living here. Dorothy has to agree, too.

- Thanks, Blanche.
- If he lifts his leg,

I'll rub your nose in it.

That seems fair.

Bye, Auntie Blanche.

Bye, Auntie Sophia.

She gets away with it.

If she was my age she'd be locked up
making boats out of sticks.

I've had it. I've just had it.

In the past few days
I've been turned down

for every available part-time job
in Dade County

that didn't involved selling cocaine.

Oh, Dorothy, it's just so unfair.

They shouldn't do this
to a fine teacher like you.

It's part of the experimental
year-round school system.

Every teacher is required
to take a ten-week leave

and my ten weeks are now.

You should've taken the job
I suggested.

Ma, you wanted me to be a nun.

It's steady work, they supply
the uniform and you're married to God.

At least he's home every night.

Maybe it's time you reconsidered
working at the museum with me.

Come on, we've had that conversation.

All I know about museums is not to eat
the veal in the cafeteria.

You can't find a job
and you need the money.

It might be fun working together.

- Well...
- I won't take no for an answer.

I'll set up an interview
with Mr Allen tomorrow.

What was that?

Rose found a dog at the supermarket.

Couldn't she get stew meat
like she usually does?

Dorothy, don't be upset.
The poor thing was lost.

He followed me home.

You drive to the market.
Did he follow you in a taxi?

He looked so hungry and sad.
I couldn't just leave him.

I hunted hours for his owner.

I hate dogs, Rose.

Dorothy, come on.
Nobody hates dogs.

Please, just for the night.
I promise.

Please, Auntie Dorothy.

I won't be any trouble. Please.

All right. But just for the night.

Thank you, Auntie Dorothy.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Well, do you believe this?

I saw her lips move.

I took several art courses in college

and I've also substituted
in art appreciation classes

in the public school system.

Mr Allen, Dorothy was telling you
about her background.

I'm sorry, I'm distracted.

It's not every day you find your friend
in bed with your wife.

I'm so sorry.
That must have been quite a shock.

It was. Arthur's never come home
at lunch before.

He caught me red-handed.

- Now, where were we?
- We were talking about art.

The thing we hang on the wall here.

- What about it?
- Dorothy knows a lot about it.

She studied in Rome
and lectured in Paris

and she has a very keen eye
for colour and light and form.

She's always the first one
to compliment me on my wardrobe.

- Blanche thinks highly of you.
- She's taking my r�sum�

to the Vatican this afternoon.

Pardon?

That's just a little joke
to ease the tension of the moment.

Right.

I tried to think of something funny
to say when Art walked in.

But standing there in my shorts,
nothing came to mind.

Mr Allen.

- Does Dorothy get the job?
- Sure. I don't care.

Thank you, Mr Allen.
I hope I live up to your expectations.

Come on, sweetheart. That's a boy.

Dorothy, why are you up so early?

Never mind. It's over a week.
Why is that mutt still here?

I promised to take him to the pound,
but he wasn't well.

- I'm a little worried.
- Don't be, it was a hangover.

- What?
- A hangover from the sherry.

Ma, you gave the dog sherry?
That's terrible.

I was having a few sips
while I rinsed out my underwear.

It's a little thing I do
Mondays and Thursdays.

Anyway, the dog walks in,
looks at me,

and it's your Uncle Aldo's face
begging for a drink.

I give him a swallow, but he doesn't
know when to stop, also like Aldo.

We sing some Puccini, stretch out
on the couch and take a nap.

All in all, a pleasant afternoon.

Rose, the dog is drooling on my foot.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Rose, we had an agreement.
You said the dog would be gone by now.

Just one more day, Dorothy.
I'll find the owner.

I have posters
all over the neighbourhood.

One more day
or I'll get rid of the dog myself.

I'll take him out to the lanai.

Come on, sweetheart.

Auntie Dorothy.

Lighten up.

- Morning.
- Morning, Auntie Blanche.

- The pup's still here.
- Yeah.

One more day,
unless Ma takes him bar hopping.

How come you're dressed so early?

I told Mr Allen I'd come in early

to get the press list information ready
before lunch.

You're such a treasure.
I hope he appreciates you.

After only a week you know
as much about that museum as I do.

What's to know? Bang in a nail,
hang a picture. Any idiot could do that.

Stop bragging. You're only saying that
cos I'm your daughter.

I'm very proud of the job
you're doing, Dorothy.

Hello?

Just a minute. Mr Allen on the phone.

He's never called me at home before.

And he's not now. It's for Dorothy.

Thank you. Good morning, Mr Allen.

Well, thank you.

Thank you, yeah.
Well, thank you very much.

Very sweet of you to call. Yes.

Thank you so much.
I'll see you later. Bye-bye.

- What did he want?
- To thank me for my work

on the Hotchkiss project.

That's lovely. Just lovely.

Especially since there wasn't
that much work involved.

Ma, it's 8 a.m.
What are you doing with the sherry?

I'm not gonna drink it.
I was hiding it from the dog.

Ma, you expect me to believe that?

Promise me you won't drive.

Dorothy, look who I found.

- Ma. What are you doing here?
- You left your lunch at home.

Thanks. You didn't have to come.

Good excuse to put my teeth in.

While you're here,
would you like a tour?

No. If I want to look at pictures,
I go to FotoMatt.

Rose brought me.
She's outside with the dog.

You ever stick your head out of
a car window doing 50? What a rush.

Hello.

And who do we have here?

This is my mother Sophia Petrillo.

Ma, this is my boss Mr Allen.

Pleased to meet you, Mrs Petrillo.

What brings you to our humble home?

Is he gay?

Come on, I'll walk you to the car.

Goodbye. Sorry you didn't have an
opportunity to experience our museum.

I'd love for you to see
my most prized acquisition.

A magnificent pair of Gauguins.

What are you, a pervert?

I was married 45 years. I never
even saw my husband's Gauguins.

I forgot why I came to talk to you.
About the banquet.

Don't you worry about a thing.

I love to throw a party.
Leave it to me.

Actually, I've decided
to leave everything to Dorothy.

- Excuse me?
- I've put Dorothy in charge

of the arrangements for the banquet.

You won't have to do a thing.

You'll have your time free
to devote to the exhibition.

But, Mr Allen, I'd always assumed
that I was gonna handle it.

You were, but that was before
we found Dorothy.

Tell her I want to see her.

Hello.

Dorothy isn't here.

She was arrested
on a morals charge this morning.

You never know, do you?
Have a nice day.

Ma, gimme a break.
The Di-Gel's on the bottom shelf.

You.

Come on. That does it.
Come on, out.

Come on. Out. Move it. Out.

Right now.

Come on, now, this isn't fair.

Come on. I'm not falling
for those big sad eyes

and floppy ears and wet nose.

The last time I did,
it ended in divorce.

Stan couldn't even
catch a Frisbee in his teeth.

Listen.

Honey, it's not a personal thing.

I don't hate you.
As a matter of fact, I once had a dog.

A schnauzer name Wa-Wa.

Yeah, well, I know that sounds strange,

but my daughter was only two
when she named him during a walk.

And I figured between that
and Number One,

Wa-Wa was the hands-down winner.

He was the greatest dog in the world.

Present company excluded.

I loved that dog.
He was always with me.

I thought I'd never be able
to get along without him.

And one day he died.

I cried for a week.

And I decided then I would never
ever go through that again.

So, you see, it's not... My God.

I've spilled my guts to someone
who drinks out of a toilet.

Listen, I'm sorry, you are out of here.

One Wa-Wa in my life was enough.

Look, I've had it
with that disgusting dog.

I've tolerated him as long as I can.

- He's got to go.
- But, Dorothy...

- No "buts", Rose.
- OK, I'll need a few more days.

A few more days and that is it.

Get me a doggie bone.

I don't know.
I don't think you deserve one.

Not for me.
It's to lure that mutt out of my room.

That's OK. I'll get him out.

Aunt Dorothy's certainly a grouch.

You couldn't sleep either, huh?

No, I guess it's the knife in my back.

Come again?

I wasn't going to mention this,

but I won't be able to sleep until I do.

You have backed me into a corner.

When that happens,
I come out fighting like a wild cat.

Unless I'm drunk. I slide down the wall
and make passionate love on the carpet.

Blanche, what the hell
are you talking about?

You stole the banquet of the only
art show I've ever put together.

I did not steal your banquet.
Mr Allen assigned it to me.

Why? Why give it to you and not to me?

I've been working there for five years.

I'm the one who's been wearing
low-cut blouses

and picking up pencils off the floor.

I'm the one he always gropes
at the Christmas party.

And they picked
Sandra Day O'Connor over you?

I'm not taking this sitting down.

When it comes to art,
you cannot hold a candle to me.

Give me back my banquet
before you mess it up.

Listen, Mr Allen gave me that banquet
and I'll take charge of it,

regardless of your
childish insecurities.

- Who are you calling childish?
- Who did you call back-stabber?

Girls, this little fella
better stick around a while.

- Get rid of him.
- He's ill.

Who cares?

Don't explain, Rose.
I lived with some bitches myself.

- Dorothy, is Blanche around?
- She hasn't come in yet.

Good, we can talk about the banquet.

- How's everything going?
- She doesn't suspect a thing.

I can't wait to see her face

when she sees the banquet
is to honour her good work.

- I can't either.
- I'll finish my speech for Blanche.

When it's done, would you look at it?

I'd be happy to, Mr Allen.

Be happy to, Mr Allen.

My, aren't we licking boots
a little early?

I had a light breakfast.

- Here's your mail.
- Why not tell me what's in it?

What?

Haven't you already steamed it open?

Please, I have a lot of work
to get done before lunch.

Don't let little ineffectual,
insignificant me

- get between you and your work.
- Thank you.

I wouldn't want to come between
your lips and Mr Allen's behind.

Blanche, that does it, I have had it.

Up until we started working together,
you were my best friend.

We were good friends
because you trusted me.

Now you think I'm some other person,
someone who'd stab you in the back.

I am not that person.

Blanche, I am still your best friend,
whether or not you think so.

Dorothy, I...

I've been acting like such a fool.

I don't know
what in the hell got into me.

I know you'd never hide anything
behind my back.

Please forgive me, Dorothy.

Please, Dorothy.

Please.

You really hurt my feelings.
I... I don't know.

Please. This is tearing me up.
I'm a mess.

You can't tell from the way I look,
but it's true.

OK, Blanche. I forgive you.

Dorothy, I've got the...
thing I want you to look over.

The thing. I'll look at it later.

So, where would you like to have lunch?

How about that new pizza place
on the corner?

- Great.
- Dorothy.

Yes?

What was that thing
Mr Allen just gave you?

- What thing?
- That thing in your drawer.

That thing.

- It's nothing.
- If it's nothing, let me see it.

I am really hungry.
Let's go out and get that pizza now.

It's 9.15. I don't want pizza,
I want to see that.

- I'm sorry, Blanche, you can't.
- Why?

- Because.
- Why?

Because it's none of your business.

None of my business?

I will have you know
that before you came here,

everything was my business.

- Show me that paper.
- I'm sorry, Blanche, I can't.

I knew you'd been hiding something.

You no-good, back-stabbing jezebel.
I demand you show me that paper.

I'm sorry, flattery won't work.

I'll tell you what won't work.
You and me in the same office.

Stealing that banquet was bad enough,
but hiding things is going too far.

If you want this job that bad
that you have to lie, you can have it.

I quit.

Gin.

- Aren't you gonna get mad?
- No. Want to play again?

Nah. If you don't get mad,
it's no fun.

- You still upset about Blanche?
- Yes, Ma.

Tell her that cockamamie banquet
is for her.

I can't, I was sworn to secrecy.

- Hi, Blanche.
- Eat dirt and die, trash.

Just hold it right there, Blanche.

You stay out of this, Ma.

That banquet you're mad about
is in your honour.

- What?
- I told you, it was a secret.

Your secret, not mine.

- Is this true?
- Yes, it is.

Now you feel like the dirt
you wanted her to eat,

I think I'll have a hard candy.

Dorothy, I...

I don't know what to say.

- I understand, Blanche.
- Oh, no, you don't.

See, I thought I was a miracle worker,

that nobody could do what I do
at the museum.

Then you came and learned my job
in a week

and I realised any idiot can do it.

And you were afraid you couldn't find
the right words to apologise.

There are no right words, Dorothy.

Words cannot begin to ease the pain
I've inflicted on you.

But I want to make it up to you.

I want to give you something personal,

something from the heart.

The most beautiful thing I own,

to the most beautiful person I know.

I guess that would be
my emerald earrings.

I'm sure as hell
not gonna give you those.

But I want to give you something.
Something personal.

I know, how about
a personal cheque for $ 75?

On the bottom I'll write,
"I was a big fat jerk."

Blanche, I don't want your cheque

I am trying to find some way
to tell you I'm sorry.

OK, I'll take it but I won't cash it.

I'll keep it as a reminder for the next
time you behave like a big fat jerk.

OK.

Will you be able to pretend
to be surprised at that banquet?

Of course. I've pretended
to be a virgin enough times.

Girls, I've got great news.
I found the dog's owner.

How did you know?

He recognised the picture. And the dog
came to him when he called.

That's wonderful.

I'm so glad he found his owner.

Dorothy, why, are you crying?

No, I just have something in my eye.

That's dog love in your eyes.

All right, I admit it. I love dogs.

It just breaks my heart
that that dog is gone.

I felt the same when I dropped him off.

That's why I stopped
at the animal shelter.

Come on in, guys. Come on, guys.