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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:07,640 'What happens over the next 72 hours will change us as men. 2 00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,760 'And when we get home, we will say 3 00:00:09,795 --> 00:00:11,537 'that this was the stag 4 00:00:11,572 --> 00:00:13,280 'to end all stags. ' 5 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:19,920 'The stag-hunting stag of Angus "Johnners" Johnson, 6 00:00:19,955 --> 00:00:21,885 'the best friend a man could have!' 7 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,760 'Just promise me you'll make sure he comes back 8 00:00:24,795 --> 00:00:26,000 ...'in one piece. ' - I promise. 9 00:00:26,035 --> 00:00:27,605 To the kill! 10 00:00:29,115 --> 00:00:30,617 Aitken? 11 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:34,725 This has got to be the worst stag weekend ever. 12 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:37,800 They're all horrific. That lot have got more money than sense. 13 00:00:39,192 --> 00:00:40,445 Wendy! 14 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,000 Come on, Neils! 15 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:48,480 These people are worthless, Ian. 16 00:00:48,515 --> 00:00:50,640 If that's how you feel, then... 17 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,645 - ... why come? - To end it. 18 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:55,445 No idea what Johnners sees in him. 19 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,800 He even tried to get him into the Guernsey scheme. 20 00:00:57,835 --> 00:00:59,245 I said, "There's no way 21 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:02,285 "that sofa-surfing pleb has 200K lying around. " 22 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:05,720 You don't turn your back on the important things. 23 00:01:05,755 --> 00:01:07,400 Could you call 999? 24 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:14,400 What are you doing here? I haven't seen you since... 25 00:01:14,435 --> 00:01:16,200 When was it? Chiggy's wedding? 26 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:46,080 # Loving can hurt 27 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,440 # Loving can hurt sometimes 28 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:57,800 # But it's the only thing that I know 29 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,860 # And when it gets hard... 30 00:02:04,895 --> 00:02:07,720 # You know it can get hard sometimes... 31 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:15,960 # It is the only thing that makes us feel alive... 32 00:02:52,475 --> 00:02:54,237 Come on! 33 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,605 Going somewhere? 34 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:20,845 Not that funny, to be honest. 35 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,800 I'm not joking. Where've you been? 36 00:04:22,835 --> 00:04:24,805 How long have you had a gun? 37 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:27,240 It's a flare gun. I found it under the seat. 38 00:04:27,275 --> 00:04:28,937 Why haven't you fired it? 39 00:04:28,972 --> 00:04:30,586 There's only one round. 40 00:04:30,621 --> 00:04:32,165 We only need one rescue. 41 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,780 Steady on, Lego man. We don't want to waste it. 42 00:04:34,815 --> 00:04:37,360 We'll fire it when we get into open ground. 43 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,700 Christoph's dead. 44 00:04:42,735 --> 00:04:44,565 Yeah. I heard. 45 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,645 Really? Who told you? 46 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,760 The shot, you prat, I heard the shot. 47 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:52,480 So... 48 00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:55,280 .. it's just you and me now. 49 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,260 Only kidding. 50 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,160 So, why did you go back? 51 00:05:06,195 --> 00:05:07,440 To help him! 52 00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:08,645 How? 53 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,760 By smearing deer shit all in his face. 54 00:05:10,795 --> 00:05:13,160 It was a nice gesture, mate. 55 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,520 I witnessed everything. 56 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,360 And in the end, he took it like a man. 57 00:05:20,395 --> 00:05:22,880 - You saw the killer? - No. 58 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,760 But Christoph did. 59 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,680 And Christoph recognised him. 60 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:31,880 It's someone we know? 61 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,640 OK. OK. So we just wait for the police to turn up and arrest 62 00:05:36,675 --> 00:05:38,880 this so-called bloody friend of ours. 63 00:05:38,915 --> 00:05:40,405 If Cosmo did reach the cops, 64 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,700 don't you think they'd be here already? 65 00:05:42,735 --> 00:05:44,960 Guys, I know exactly what we should do. 66 00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:50,125 Pylons. 67 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:52,600 What, like when everyone jumps on top of each other? 68 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,440 Electricity pylons. 69 00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:00,005 They're not here. On the map. 70 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,840 This map, it's fake. I don't know, whoever made it should be fired 71 00:06:02,875 --> 00:06:04,245 from Ordnance Survey, frankly. 72 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,885 But the pylons are real. I saw them yesterday. 73 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,880 And what do you find when you follow electricity pylons? 74 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,525 People. 75 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:14,885 You follow them for long enough 76 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,960 and you'll hit a power station or, even better, 77 00:06:16,995 --> 00:06:18,165 a network of telegraph poles 78 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,480 leading to a residential or a commercial property. 79 00:06:20,515 --> 00:06:22,720 - Either way... - No! 80 00:06:22,755 --> 00:06:24,160 I- I'm sorry. 81 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,280 I don't know about you guys, but I'm bored of running. 82 00:06:30,315 --> 00:06:33,240 This entire weekend has been defined by running. 83 00:06:33,275 --> 00:06:35,005 - And homicide. - Exactly. 84 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,965 And that's not what any of us signed up for. 85 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,480 I mean, this was meant to be one last weekend, you know, 86 00:06:39,515 --> 00:06:42,217 where we all hang out and have fun before we all get married 87 00:06:42,252 --> 00:06:44,920 and we're told that we're not allowed to do this any more. 88 00:06:44,955 --> 00:06:47,137 So enough's enough! 89 00:06:47,172 --> 00:06:49,285 This is my stag do. 90 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,900 I came here to hunt, and that is exactly what I'm going to do. 91 00:06:52,935 --> 00:06:54,517 I really don't think there's time for that, man. 92 00:06:54,552 --> 00:06:58,000 No, I'm going to hunt down whoever's doing this. 93 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,200 And then I'm going to kill them. 94 00:07:01,235 --> 00:07:02,605 Now, hold on. 95 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:05,085 Wait. There's 500 square miles here. 96 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:08,320 And that's just the map. It's the tip of the iceberg. 97 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:12,080 You can't find him. You're never going to find him. 98 00:07:12,115 --> 00:07:14,240 We don't need to find him, Ian. 99 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,480 He's going to find us. 100 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:37,600 Excuse me?! 101 00:08:42,302 --> 00:08:43,605 Oh, shit! 102 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,085 Hey, mister! 103 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,320 Oi-oi! Wanker! 104 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:50,800 Yo! 105 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,480 Shooooot! 106 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,880 Angus! 107 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:48,920 I've been shot! 108 00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:50,885 No shit! 109 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:52,860 - Angus! - Please! 110 00:09:52,895 --> 00:09:54,765 - Mate! - Help! 111 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,800 Nobody move. Seriously. 112 00:09:56,835 --> 00:09:58,457 This could be like that bit 113 00:09:58,492 --> 00:10:00,045 in Saving Private Ryan. 114 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,080 He could be waiting to shoot us when we go to help Johnners. 115 00:10:03,115 --> 00:10:04,880 I love Saving Private Ryan! 116 00:10:04,915 --> 00:10:06,285 Not now, Mex. 117 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:10,045 Apparently, loads of veterans who saw it at the cinema said that 118 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:13,840 that bit at the beginning was more realistic than actually being there. 119 00:10:13,875 --> 00:10:16,520 Let's talk about this later, mate. 120 00:10:16,555 --> 00:10:18,880 Guys? This is Ian. 121 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:21,260 Hi, Ian. 122 00:10:21,295 --> 00:10:22,440 All right? 123 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,360 Do you think you could crawl round this way? 124 00:10:46,435 --> 00:10:47,805 Oh, shit! 125 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,640 - I'm fine, I'm fine. - You OK? 126 00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,360 Do you want some? 127 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,440 Keep moving! 128 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,560 We'll get Johnners. You keep watch. 129 00:11:21,595 --> 00:11:22,737 OK! 130 00:11:22,772 --> 00:11:23,845 Go. 131 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,720 What can you see? 132 00:11:25,755 --> 00:11:27,200 Hang on. 133 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:33,680 Oh! Shit! Go! 134 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,840 What the hell happened there? Johnners? 135 00:11:52,875 --> 00:11:54,125 Johnners! 136 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,325 Angus! What the fuck was that? 137 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,520 Look, let's just get out of here, shall we? 138 00:11:58,555 --> 00:12:00,577 We put our lives on the line, like we agreed. 139 00:12:00,612 --> 00:12:02,600 All you had to do was pull the bloody trigger. 140 00:12:02,635 --> 00:12:03,965 You bottled it. 141 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,485 Go easy, the guy's just been shot. 142 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,900 The guy got shot because he pussied out. 143 00:12:07,935 --> 00:12:10,245 Maybe that's what getting hit does to a man. 144 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:13,280 Anyway, look at it. You got worse injuries playing rugby. 145 00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:16,080 What do you want me to say? 146 00:12:16,115 --> 00:12:17,680 That I'm sorry? Fine. 147 00:12:17,715 --> 00:12:19,005 Yeah. Sorry. 148 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,000 Sorry I don't have it in me to murder. 149 00:12:21,035 --> 00:12:22,925 Yes, we can't all shoot things. 150 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:26,120 You can't, Thumbnail. But then, you didn't volunteer. 151 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,080 Fuck! 152 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:33,660 Ow! Fuck! 153 00:12:33,695 --> 00:12:35,480 Fuck! 154 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,920 It is time... to end this. 155 00:12:41,955 --> 00:12:43,885 No! No! 156 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,280 No, just... Just... No. 157 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,920 We only fire the flare if we're in serious trouble. 158 00:12:49,955 --> 00:12:51,840 - What do you call this?! - Right now, Ledge, 159 00:12:51,875 --> 00:12:54,125 right now, we're OK. 160 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,800 But if we get separated or we're at death's door, 161 00:12:56,835 --> 00:12:58,440 that's when we pull the trigger. 162 00:12:58,475 --> 00:12:59,680 That's what it's for. 163 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,280 As a last resort. Yes? 164 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,520 - Yes? - Yes... 165 00:13:06,555 --> 00:13:07,920 Thank you. 166 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:11,680 That's confiscated. 167 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,920 Now, I don't know what you guys want to do next, 168 00:13:14,955 --> 00:13:17,197 but I know where I'm going. 169 00:13:17,232 --> 00:13:19,405 I'm heading for the pylons. 170 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:22,080 And, with a bit of help from the National Grid, 171 00:13:22,115 --> 00:13:23,960 I'm getting the fuck out of here. 172 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:37,960 Ledge? 173 00:13:37,995 --> 00:13:39,800 Mate! 174 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,960 You must be used to all this rural shit, being from Eastbourne. 175 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,565 I'm surprised you remember. 176 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,620 Of course I remember. Besides, my father has a property down there. 177 00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:36,640 - Really? Where? -Do you know where that big shopping centre is? 178 00:14:36,675 --> 00:14:37,645 Yeah. 179 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,005 Yeah, right there. 180 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,680 What, near the shopping centre? 181 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:45,280 The shopping centre itself. 182 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:50,200 - Is that anywhere near you? - About a mile. 183 00:14:50,235 --> 00:14:52,725 My place is a little bit smaller. 184 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:55,680 A small house for a small man, I suppose. 185 00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,085 Don't do that, mate. 186 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,120 - What? - Do yourself down. 187 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,400 You're a bigger man than we'd have you believe. 188 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,500 Who's Chiggy? 189 00:15:19,535 --> 00:15:21,205 - Who? - Chiggy. 190 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,960 Do you mean Alice Chigwell-Jones? 191 00:15:22,995 --> 00:15:24,245 I don't know. 192 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,360 God, I haven't heard that name in a long time. 193 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:30,760 Well, that's how they knew each other. 194 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,880 Christoph recognised the killer from Chiggy's wedding. 195 00:15:34,915 --> 00:15:37,240 Maybe it narrows it down. 196 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,720 Where have they gone?! 197 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,565 What? 198 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,440 They can't just stop for no reason. 199 00:15:48,475 --> 00:15:49,800 You know? 200 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,080 They must... They must go somewhere. 201 00:15:57,635 --> 00:15:59,005 There. 202 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:02,080 Of course! Can you hear that? 203 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,840 Who can tell me what that is? 204 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,240 Hydroelectric! 205 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,960 I think we can get onto it over there. 206 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,640 Right! This is it. 207 00:16:29,675 --> 00:16:32,120 It's the only way out. 208 00:16:32,155 --> 00:16:34,485 Are you sure? 209 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,400 That's what the gamekeeper said. 210 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:51,525 Guys? Guys! 211 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,680 Keep your eyes on the hills. 212 00:16:53,715 --> 00:16:55,800 We're sitting ducks out here. 213 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,725 This is intense! 214 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,760 - Eyes peeled, boys. - Keep your head down, Mex! 215 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,600 I'm going to bring my nephew up here when this is all over. 216 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,540 - Back up. Back up, back up! - What, and leave Mex? 217 00:17:38,575 --> 00:17:41,565 That's what Mex would want us to do. Yeah, buddy? 218 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,360 Because this is dangerous... for everyone, isn't it, Mexico? 219 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,520 Retrace your steps, guys. 220 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,560 Retrace your steps. 221 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,760 Whatever you do, Mex... don't move. 222 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,080 And keep your head down. 223 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,320 Try... try and stay comfortable. 224 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,440 Where's that bloody sniper when you need him? 225 00:18:48,475 --> 00:18:50,565 Don't even speak, Mex. 226 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,080 It might sense your mouth moving. 227 00:18:53,115 --> 00:18:54,605 I suppose, in a way, 228 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,440 if we're looking for a silver lining... 229 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:03,320 ...when I die... your shares in the scheme grow even bigger. 230 00:19:03,355 --> 00:19:06,085 Mex, shut up! 231 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:07,480 For your own safety! 232 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:11,285 Guys, I can't handle it. 233 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,920 - I'm just going to step off. - Oh, OK, mate, OK... 234 00:19:13,955 --> 00:19:16,000 But before you do, I've got an idea. 235 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,920 How about you tell the others what we talked about? 236 00:19:20,955 --> 00:19:22,840 I think that'd be good. Don't you? 237 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,520 What we talked about up on the hill, mate, remember? 238 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:32,525 Are you sure? 239 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:36,760 I don't... think anyone would mind. 240 00:19:36,795 --> 00:19:38,377 Honestly? 241 00:19:38,412 --> 00:19:39,925 Honestly. 242 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,480 We've all known each other a very long time. 243 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,285 We can share that kind of shit. 244 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:47,960 And then, whatever happens, if you decide to step off, 245 00:19:47,995 --> 00:19:49,480 at least it'll be out there, mate. 246 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,680 It's very personal. 247 00:19:52,715 --> 00:19:54,040 I get that. 248 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,080 You can do it, buddy. 249 00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,320 I think I know what it is. 250 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,040 You do? How?! 251 00:20:03,075 --> 00:20:05,085 And I agree. 252 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,640 I agree with Ledge. You should just say it. 253 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,280 Say it. 254 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:12,680 And step off. 255 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:19,720 OK, guys. 256 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,080 The truth is... 257 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,440 ...Ledge can't have children. 258 00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:33,120 The poor guy just does not have the sperms. 259 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,805 OK... 260 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,240 Here goes. 261 00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:50,125 I'm OK! 262 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:52,320 I'm OK! 263 00:20:52,355 --> 00:20:53,605 I'm OK! 264 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:55,480 I'm OK! 265 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,245 You jammy bastard! 266 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:02,920 I'm still standing Yeah, yeah, yeah! 267 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,685 Sing it, girlfriend! 268 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,100 OK, well, you might want to be careful, 269 00:21:08,135 --> 00:21:10,480 actually, cos there could be a second... 270 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,880 Let's go. 271 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,560 We could... we could take our chances. 272 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,160 We're nearly there. 273 00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:49,925 I'm just beginning to like you, Ewok, 274 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:53,000 but that is the worst idea since the Millennium Dome. 275 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:31,040 What the hell's this investment scheme everyone keeps talking about? 276 00:22:31,075 --> 00:22:32,720 Huh? 277 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,880 What are you two involved in? 278 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,525 Do you know what, Ian? 279 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,160 I'm glad you came on my stag. 280 00:22:46,195 --> 00:22:48,685 It's great. But... 281 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:52,280 That doesn't mean you can go nosing into everyone's business. 282 00:22:52,315 --> 00:22:54,800 Well, it does if my life's in danger. 283 00:22:54,835 --> 00:22:56,325 Oh, your life's in danger? 284 00:22:56,360 --> 00:22:58,165 All of our lives are in danger. 285 00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,760 That's all you need to worry about, mate. 286 00:23:00,795 --> 00:23:02,880 Listen, Ian, I've been thinking. 287 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,720 And, um, maybe you should just fuck off. 288 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:09,285 Excuse me? 289 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,640 You said it yourself. The killer knows us. 290 00:23:11,675 --> 00:23:13,680 Us. Not you. 291 00:23:13,715 --> 00:23:14,885 So... 292 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:16,600 You should go. 293 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,720 But we stick together! 294 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,320 Look what happened yesterday when we split up. 295 00:23:25,355 --> 00:23:26,440 He's right, Ian. 296 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,240 You'll be safer alone, mate. 297 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:34,960 - But... - But what? 298 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,085 But I promised my sister. 299 00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:41,565 Fran would want me to tell you to go. 300 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,360 The killer can't be in two places at once. 301 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:49,200 So this is it, then. 302 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,280 OK, Wizbit, piss off. 303 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:18,800 Run! 304 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,045 Can I just say, I know exactly what this is about? 305 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:33,000 This is about the financial scheme that they're all involved in, 306 00:28:33,035 --> 00:28:35,120 which has absolutely nothing to do with me, OK? 307 00:28:35,155 --> 00:28:36,565 I've never even been to Guernsey. 308 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,560 I've not been to any of the Channel Islands. 309 00:28:38,595 --> 00:28:40,520 - Kneel down. - Oh... 310 00:28:40,555 --> 00:28:41,640 Oh, God. 311 00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:44,600 I pay all my taxes. 312 00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:47,725 I don't have a choice. I'm PAYE. 313 00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,520 It's a good system. I don't have a problem with it. 314 00:28:50,555 --> 00:28:52,200 Put it on. Now. 315 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:56,365 Why blindfold me if... 316 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:58,200 I already know what you look like? 317 00:28:58,235 --> 00:29:00,200 It's not a blindfold. 318 00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:07,440 It's going to get messy. Gotcha... 319 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,320 Can I just say one last thing? 320 00:29:18,355 --> 00:29:19,600 Please? 321 00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:22,940 This seems like an unusual request, but... 322 00:29:22,975 --> 00:29:25,040 would you mind shooting me in the face... 323 00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:28,080 ...rather than the back? 324 00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,240 Seeing as you don't know me... 325 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:36,080 ...I'd like you to see just who it is you are actually murdering. 326 00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:26,120 Who was at Chiggy's wedding? 327 00:31:26,155 --> 00:31:27,605 I don't know. 328 00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:29,760 There was, like, hundreds of people. 329 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:33,880 Yeah, but who do WE know who was there? 330 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:39,240 Well, I don't know. It was, like, ten years ago, wasn't it? 331 00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:46,720 Sorry I ballsed this up, buddy. 332 00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,280 This is the opposite of a decent stag. 333 00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:53,680 Seriously unforgivable. 334 00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:59,760 I mean, what are we going to tell people when we get back to Clapham? 335 00:31:59,795 --> 00:32:01,285 Don't beat yourself up about it. 336 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:04,285 I will beat myself up about it, thank you very much. 337 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:07,360 You see, I'm responsible. I'm the world's worst best man. 338 00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:12,800 Should have done the boozy lunch. 339 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:17,160 Should have done the boozy lunch. 340 00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:25,285 Mex was right. 341 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,040 The Guernsey Six is now the Guernsey Pair. 342 00:32:28,075 --> 00:32:29,600 You and I are 50/50. 343 00:32:29,635 --> 00:32:31,120 That's, what... 344 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,240 ...twelve and a half million apiece. 345 00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,880 Don't know about you, but I'm not sure I even want it after all this. 346 00:32:39,915 --> 00:32:42,765 I might give it all to charity. 347 00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,960 Better still, get myself a gig on Dragons' Den. 348 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:51,800 Quieten down, buddy. 349 00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:54,160 Stag's talking now. 350 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:00,320 Stag's talking. 351 00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:03,720 That's it, buddy. 352 00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,440 I'm going to miss you, buddy. 353 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,160 Where are you, boy? 354 00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,440 Where are you taking me, boy? 355 00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:43,360 Show-off. 356 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:09,365 Christ, Angus, 357 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:12,280 ...you could have got yourself shot. - Again, you mean? 358 00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:16,560 I'm going to need a new best man. 359 00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,160 Did you notice the gate-crasher? 360 00:36:44,195 --> 00:36:45,845 Christoph? He's dealt with. 361 00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:48,640 I know Christoph was here. Who do you think buried him for you? 362 00:36:48,675 --> 00:36:50,440 I'm talking about the little guy, Ian. 363 00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,380 Sophie? 364 00:36:56,415 --> 00:36:57,880 He saw me. 365 00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,000 He's seen my face. 366 00:37:01,035 --> 00:37:02,080 How? 367 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:04,645 He found this place. 368 00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:06,560 I came back and he was in here. 369 00:37:06,595 --> 00:37:07,925 When? 370 00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:09,280 Two hours ago? 371 00:37:12,240 --> 00:37:14,845 You did two tours in Helmand. 372 00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:17,845 You're armed with antipersonnel mines, a high-powered rifle 373 00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:20,800 and a harpoon gun, and you managed to let a new potato in a dinner suit 374 00:37:20,835 --> 00:37:22,520 beat you up with a bottle of Evian? 375 00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,840 Well, it sounds bad when you put it like that. 376 00:37:25,875 --> 00:37:27,445 You have to deal with this. 377 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,800 It's your fuck-up, your responsibility. 378 00:37:29,835 --> 00:37:31,045 Don't talk to me like that. 379 00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,165 I can't lead them round in circles for ever. 380 00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:36,280 I can't pin it on the gamekeeper any more. You need to finish the job. 381 00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:39,940 I'll call you from a landline. Make sure it's done, OK? 382 00:37:39,975 --> 00:37:42,280 - You'll call off the wedding? - Oh, yeah, of course. 383 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:47,000 I might even take you for a romantic night away. 384 00:37:47,035 --> 00:37:49,880 Another mindless quickie in the Premier Inn? 385 00:37:49,915 --> 00:37:51,565 Sophie, please! 386 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:54,000 We'll have 25 million in the bank. 387 00:37:54,035 --> 00:37:56,400 We'll do it in the Radisson Blu. 388 00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:00,600 You're doing so, so well. 389 00:38:00,635 --> 00:38:02,320 We're nearly there. 390 00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:05,120 OK? 391 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,365 You dealt with the bodies? 392 00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,960 Make sure you burn the maps and the photos when you're done. 393 00:38:12,995 --> 00:38:14,297 Where are you going? 394 00:38:14,332 --> 00:38:15,600 I still need my alibi. 395 00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:37,560 Johnners! 396 00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:41,920 Johnners! 397 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:51,360 Ledge... 398 00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:54,725 Ledge? Ledge! 399 00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,045 Ledge! Ledge, come on. 400 00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:59,560 Come on, it's me. It's Ian. 401 00:38:59,595 --> 00:39:01,777 Ledge! Come on! 402 00:39:01,812 --> 00:39:03,925 It's Wizbit. Huh? 403 00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:06,080 It's Wizbit. It's croupier Gollum. 404 00:39:06,115 --> 00:39:08,377 It's... Sandi Toksvig. It's R2-D2. 405 00:39:08,412 --> 00:39:10,640 I... I can't remember them all, Ledge. 406 00:39:10,675 --> 00:39:12,200 Please... Ledge! 407 00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:15,000 Legend! 408 00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:05,720 Go on, then. 409 00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:14,285 What's with the crazy long pause? 410 00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,800 It's not the fucking X Factor final. Do it. 411 00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:22,760 You're the last man standing. 412 00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:28,800 You weren't meant to be here. 413 00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:31,805 Well, I am. 414 00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:34,120 I am here. 415 00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,360 Because I made a promise to my sister. 416 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,005 This was the man... 417 00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:54,080 she was meant to have married. 418 00:40:54,115 --> 00:40:56,160 She loved him so much. 419 00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:59,280 She would have done anything for him. 420 00:41:00,720 --> 00:41:03,260 Whatever these guys are involved in... 421 00:41:03,295 --> 00:41:05,800 however much money's coming your way... 422 00:41:05,835 --> 00:41:07,400 doesn't make any of this... 423 00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:10,260 ...OK. 424 00:41:10,295 --> 00:41:11,805 All right? 425 00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:13,080 Not even slightly. 426 00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:24,800 Do you think we could pretend we haven't seen each other? 427 00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,520 And we never are going to see each other. 428 00:41:30,555 --> 00:41:32,280 Ever again. 429 00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:35,400 How does that sound? 430 00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:40,560 Pretty peachy, to be honest. 431 00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:45,280 Before I change my mind. 432 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,120 Left one does the gears. 433 00:42:08,155 --> 00:42:09,600 Thank you! 434 00:43:33,240 --> 00:43:35,240 Fuckin' hell! 435 00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:26,360 Evening! 436 00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:45,485 What can I get you? 437 00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:46,965 I need to use your phone, please. 438 00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:48,840 Someone's using it. So what you having? 439 00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:52,240 I'll just have the usual. 440 00:44:52,275 --> 00:44:53,805 Well, you've only been in here once. 441 00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:55,840 Well, I'll... I'll have what I had last time. 442 00:44:55,875 --> 00:44:57,800 - Which was...? - I don't know! 443 00:44:57,835 --> 00:44:59,560 I'll have an orange juice. 444 00:44:59,595 --> 00:45:00,760 Right. 445 00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:25,405 So, any good kills? 446 00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:27,880 - What?! - On your stag hunt. 447 00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:32,520 Quite a few, as it happens. 448 00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:35,605 I really need to use that telephone. 449 00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:38,560 I just told you, your friend is using it. 450 00:45:38,595 --> 00:45:40,397 He'll be back in a minute. 451 00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:46,480 Yeah! 452 00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:50,120 I'll, er... I'll call you back. 453 00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:56,080 Ian! 454 00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:58,920 You're still alive! 455 00:45:59,960 --> 00:46:01,320 That's amazing! 456 00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:03,560 Yeah. 457 00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:06,040 Who were you just talking to? 458 00:46:06,075 --> 00:46:07,640 The police, of course. 459 00:46:07,675 --> 00:46:09,045 Of course. 460 00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:11,560 Yeah. And they're fully up to speed now, which is... 461 00:46:11,595 --> 00:46:12,760 Well, it's great. 462 00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:16,720 Maybe I should ring Fran. 463 00:46:16,755 --> 00:46:18,645 Well, I-I also rang Fran. 464 00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:21,160 She is one relieved woman, let me tell you. 465 00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:25,200 Yeah. 466 00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:30,360 I'm just... praying Ledge got out alive. 467 00:46:34,240 --> 00:46:35,880 Actually, Angus, I... 468 00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:40,000 And I'm very sorry to have to say this, but... 469 00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:46,040 He almost got out. 470 00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:50,800 He managed to fire that flare up, but... 471 00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:53,760 ...he didn't quite make it. 472 00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:57,040 "Best man can't do everything. " 473 00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:10,560 When he asked me to leave... 474 00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:12,765 ...it's almost as if he knew 475 00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:14,960 he was sending me out of harm's way, you know? 476 00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:18,080 Yeah. I think you might be right. 477 00:47:23,240 --> 00:47:24,560 Ian Telford? 478 00:47:24,595 --> 00:47:25,765 Yes. 479 00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:27,725 Your card didn't go through. 480 00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:29,960 There's still over 500 quid on there. 481 00:47:29,995 --> 00:47:32,160 Try it again. I get paid on Fridays. 482 00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:38,800 And there's... 483 00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:41,685 ...a wee tip... 484 00:47:41,720 --> 00:47:43,440 there for you, lassie! 485 00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:50,360 I'm just going to, er... 486 00:47:50,395 --> 00:47:52,320 pop to the bog. 487 00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:55,680 Number two, is it? 488 00:48:58,000 --> 00:48:59,485 Ian? 489 00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:07,120 Ian? 490 00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:11,440 Er, why don't you come back to the bar? 491 00:49:11,475 --> 00:49:13,120 We can carry on chatting. 492 00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:25,920 Oh, shit! 493 00:49:29,720 --> 00:49:31,880 Yeah, the Southmuir Arms. 494 00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:36,040 The police are on their way. 495 00:49:36,075 --> 00:49:37,765 How long till they get here? 496 00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:41,160 Hey, with the potholes in the road, it'll be the best part of an hour. 497 00:49:41,195 --> 00:49:42,880 Sorry. 498 00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:21,365 Hey... Hey! 499 00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:23,560 Hey! What are you doing?! 500 00:51:23,595 --> 00:51:25,085 Ian! 501 00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:27,005 Listen, buddy... 502 00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:31,080 OK, just to be clear, none of this has anything to do with your sister. 503 00:51:31,115 --> 00:51:32,760 She and I, we're... 504 00:51:32,795 --> 00:51:34,245 Well... 505 00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:36,040 we're soul mates. 506 00:51:36,075 --> 00:51:37,560 Soul mates? 507 00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:41,160 Well, let's see, shall we? 508 00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:45,600 Let's have a look at the old... questionnaire. 509 00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:49,965 Question one. 510 00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:52,200 Well, we-we have done question one... 511 00:51:52,235 --> 00:51:53,925 We tried. 512 00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:56,120 We haven't actually heard your answer. 513 00:51:56,155 --> 00:51:57,565 Oh, God... 514 00:51:57,600 --> 00:51:59,200 "When's Fran's birthday?" 515 00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:05,920 - It's... - No? No, I didn't think so. 516 00:52:05,955 --> 00:52:07,525 Question two. 517 00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:09,240 "Gillette, Tussauds or... " 518 00:52:09,275 --> 00:52:10,920 No, we'll forget that one. 519 00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:20,160 Where are they? 520 00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:28,720 Question 13. Ah, here we are. 521 00:52:28,755 --> 00:52:30,760 You'll like this one, actually. 522 00:52:30,795 --> 00:52:32,160 This is all about you. 523 00:52:33,720 --> 00:52:36,320 "What phrase would Fran use to describe Angus?" 524 00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:40,080 Ian, I... I don't want to play any more, buddy. 525 00:52:40,115 --> 00:52:42,160 - Answer the question! - "Sensitive. " 526 00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:46,560 "Smells good. " 527 00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:50,565 "OK at cooking. " 528 00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:52,560 Do you want to know what it actually says? 529 00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:55,200 It says... 530 00:52:56,240 --> 00:52:58,240 ..."Really well hung. " 531 00:52:58,275 --> 00:53:00,125 What? 532 00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:01,680 Really? It says... 533 00:53:01,715 --> 00:53:02,760 No. 534 00:53:05,240 --> 00:53:06,485 No, Ian... 535 00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:07,840 Ian, buddy, wait. 536 00:53:07,875 --> 00:53:09,005 I... 537 00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:11,285 You don't deserve my sister. 538 00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:13,765 That's what this weekend's been about for me. 539 00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:16,760 There was a point where I thought she'd done well for herself, but... 540 00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:23,005 Ian! 541 00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:24,200 Ian, buddy... 542 00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:26,800 Ian... 543 00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:31,520 Ian, are you... are you still there? 544 00:53:31,555 --> 00:53:33,005 Yeah. 545 00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:36,560 Listen, buddy, I'll admit it, this whole Fran engagement thing, 546 00:53:36,595 --> 00:53:39,240 it was just a way to get everyone together, you know? 547 00:53:39,275 --> 00:53:41,440 The truth is that I don't love your sister. 548 00:53:41,475 --> 00:53:42,965 And... 549 00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,165 I don't deserve her. 550 00:53:45,200 --> 00:53:47,960 But, you know, that doesn't mean that we can't share the cash 551 00:53:47,995 --> 00:53:49,165 from the Guernsey scheme. 552 00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:51,760 You know, we'll split it three ways you, me, 553 00:53:51,795 --> 00:53:53,045 Fran, you know? 554 00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:55,400 We just blame the whole thing on Sophie, you know? 555 00:53:55,435 --> 00:53:57,625 Mental Sophie. 556 00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:00,480 She's been doing all this, right, because she's got it stuck 557 00:54:00,515 --> 00:54:02,045 into her silly little female head 558 00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:04,840 that we might actually get back together at some point. 559 00:54:04,875 --> 00:54:06,445 But there's no way. 560 00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:08,525 I mean, honestly, buddy... 561 00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:11,240 Buddy, I wouldn't touch her with yours, you know? So... 562 00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:16,880 Ian? 563 00:54:21,440 --> 00:54:23,520 Buddy? 564 00:54:23,555 --> 00:54:25,565 Oh, fuck! 565 00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:27,765 Oh... Oh, my God. 566 00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:30,240 Ow, you little pervert! 567 00:54:30,275 --> 00:54:31,577 Come on! 568 00:54:31,612 --> 00:54:33,066 Ian! 569 00:54:33,101 --> 00:54:34,520 Oh, God! 570 00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:37,800 Oh, God! 571 00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:40,800 All right, if this is what it takes... 572 00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:46,080 Sophie! 573 00:54:46,115 --> 00:54:47,845 My God! 574 00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:50,120 Oh, my God! Well, thank God you're here! 575 00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:53,760 I thought I said I never wanted to see you again. 576 00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:00,800 Ian, buddy... 577 00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:08,400 We were just talking about you. 578 00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:12,720 Sophie? 579 00:55:19,240 --> 00:55:20,680 What's that? 580 00:55:27,600 --> 00:55:29,085 Sophie? 581 00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:30,480 Is that a mincer? 582 00:55:30,515 --> 00:55:32,005 No way! 583 00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:35,405 Seriously, Sophie, you can't do this! 584 00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:39,240 If you kill me, no-one gets the money! That's how it works. 585 00:55:39,275 --> 00:55:40,965 - Is it? - Of course! 586 00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:44,440 We paid Wendy to set it up that way. He made sure of it. 587 00:55:44,475 --> 00:55:46,565 Come on... Sophie? 588 00:55:46,900 --> 00:55:50,120 Oh, no! No! 589 00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:53,400 No! God! No, no, no, no, no! 590 00:55:53,435 --> 00:55:55,797 No! No, no, no, no! 591 00:56:57,480 --> 00:57:00,760 Hey, baby, how did it go? Oh, was my brother OK? 592 00:57:00,795 --> 00:57:01,965 He survived. 593 00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,160 He didn't try any of his god-awful jokes, did he? 594 00:57:05,675 --> 00:57:07,080 Fran, it's me. 595 00:57:07,115 --> 00:57:08,765 Ian? 596 00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:11,060 Well, what's going on? Where's Angus? 597 00:57:11,095 --> 00:57:13,320 Oh, just tell me he's still in one piece! 598 00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:15,845 Ian, come on, put him on. 599 00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:19,040 Fran, I need you to listen to me very carefully, OK? 600 00:57:19,075 --> 00:57:20,480 OK! 601 00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:29,200 Ian? 602 00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:34,480 You remember that guy I told you about at work, 603 00:57:34,515 --> 00:57:36,285 Tony Wallace, Deputy Head of Maths? 604 00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:39,600 Yeah, I remember him, but what's that got to do with anything? 605 00:57:39,635 --> 00:57:41,685 Well, he's loyal. 606 00:57:41,720 --> 00:57:43,600 Washes his hair, pays all his taxes. 607 00:57:45,420 --> 00:57:47,160 Ian, what are you on about? 608 00:57:47,195 --> 00:57:48,680 I'm coming home, Fran. 609 00:57:50,360 --> 00:57:51,880 School tomorrow. 610 00:57:53,040 --> 00:57:55,420 I'm testing Year 9 on... 611 00:57:55,455 --> 00:57:57,800 mountains and rivers. 612 00:57:59,160 --> 00:58:00,320 Ian? 613 00:58:02,120 --> 00:58:03,400 Ian! 614 00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:13,000 I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah... 615 00:58:14,520 --> 00:58:18,520 I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah... 616 00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:21,480 I'm still standing... 39345

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