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1
00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:07,640
'What happens over the next
72 hours will change us as men.
2
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,760
'And when we get home, we will say
3
00:00:09,795 --> 00:00:11,537
'that this was the stag
4
00:00:11,572 --> 00:00:13,280
'to end all stags. '
5
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:19,920
'The stag-hunting stag of
Angus "Johnners" Johnson,
6
00:00:19,955 --> 00:00:21,885
'the best friend a man could have!'
7
00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,760
'Just promise me you'll make sure
he comes back
8
00:00:24,795 --> 00:00:26,000
...'in one piece. '
- I promise.
9
00:00:26,035 --> 00:00:27,605
To the kill!
10
00:00:29,115 --> 00:00:30,617
Aitken?
11
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:34,725
This has got to be the worst stag weekend ever.
12
00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:37,800
They're all horrific. That lot have got more money than sense.
13
00:00:39,192 --> 00:00:40,445
Wendy!
14
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,000
Come on, Neils!
15
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:48,480
These people are worthless, Ian.
16
00:00:48,515 --> 00:00:50,640
If that's how you feel, then...
17
00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,645
- ... why come?
- To end it.
18
00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:55,445
No idea what Johnners sees in him.
19
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,800
He even tried to get him
into the Guernsey scheme.
20
00:00:57,835 --> 00:00:59,245
I said, "There's no way
21
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:02,285
"that sofa-surfing pleb
has 200K lying around. "
22
00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:05,720
You don't turn your back on
the important things.
23
00:01:05,755 --> 00:01:07,400
Could you call 999?
24
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:14,400
What are you doing here?
I haven't seen you since...
25
00:01:14,435 --> 00:01:16,200
When was it? Chiggy's wedding?
26
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:46,080
# Loving can hurt
27
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,440
# Loving can hurt sometimes
28
00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:57,800
# But it's the only thing that I know
29
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,860
# And when it gets hard...
30
00:02:04,895 --> 00:02:07,720
# You know it can get hard sometimes...
31
00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:15,960
# It is the only thing that makes us
feel alive...
32
00:02:52,475 --> 00:02:54,237
Come on!
33
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,605
Going somewhere?
34
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:20,845
Not that funny, to be honest.
35
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,800
I'm not joking.
Where've you been?
36
00:04:22,835 --> 00:04:24,805
How long have you had a gun?
37
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:27,240
It's a flare gun.
I found it under the seat.
38
00:04:27,275 --> 00:04:28,937
Why haven't you fired it?
39
00:04:28,972 --> 00:04:30,586
There's only one round.
40
00:04:30,621 --> 00:04:32,165
We only need one rescue.
41
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,780
Steady on, Lego man.
We don't want to waste it.
42
00:04:34,815 --> 00:04:37,360
We'll fire it
when we get into open ground.
43
00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,700
Christoph's dead.
44
00:04:42,735 --> 00:04:44,565
Yeah. I heard.
45
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,645
Really? Who told you?
46
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,760
The shot, you prat, I heard the shot.
47
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:52,480
So...
48
00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:55,280
.. it's just you and me now.
49
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,260
Only kidding.
50
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,160
So, why did you go back?
51
00:05:06,195 --> 00:05:07,440
To help him!
52
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:08,645
How?
53
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,760
By smearing deer shit all in his face.
54
00:05:10,795 --> 00:05:13,160
It was a nice gesture, mate.
55
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,520
I witnessed everything.
56
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,360
And in the end,
he took it like a man.
57
00:05:20,395 --> 00:05:22,880
- You saw the killer?
- No.
58
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,760
But Christoph did.
59
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,680
And Christoph recognised him.
60
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:31,880
It's someone we know?
61
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,640
OK. OK. So we just wait for
the police to turn up and arrest
62
00:05:36,675 --> 00:05:38,880
this so-called bloody friend of ours.
63
00:05:38,915 --> 00:05:40,405
If Cosmo did reach the cops,
64
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,700
don't you think
they'd be here already?
65
00:05:42,735 --> 00:05:44,960
Guys, I know exactly
what we should do.
66
00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:50,125
Pylons.
67
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:52,600
What, like when everyone
jumps on top of each other?
68
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,440
Electricity pylons.
69
00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:00,005
They're not here. On the map.
70
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,840
This map, it's fake. I don't know,
whoever made it should be fired
71
00:06:02,875 --> 00:06:04,245
from Ordnance Survey, frankly.
72
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,885
But the pylons are real.
I saw them yesterday.
73
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,880
And what do you find when
you follow electricity pylons?
74
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,525
People.
75
00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:14,885
You follow them for long enough
76
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,960
and you'll hit a power station or,
even better,
77
00:06:16,995 --> 00:06:18,165
a network of telegraph poles
78
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,480
leading to a residential
or a commercial property.
79
00:06:20,515 --> 00:06:22,720
- Either way...
- No!
80
00:06:22,755 --> 00:06:24,160
I- I'm sorry.
81
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,280
I don't know about you guys,
but I'm bored of running.
82
00:06:30,315 --> 00:06:33,240
This entire weekend has been
defined by running.
83
00:06:33,275 --> 00:06:35,005
- And homicide.
- Exactly.
84
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,965
And that's not what
any of us signed up for.
85
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,480
I mean, this was meant to be
one last weekend, you know,
86
00:06:39,515 --> 00:06:42,217
where we all hang out and
have fun before we all get married
87
00:06:42,252 --> 00:06:44,920
and we're told that we're not allowed
to do this any more.
88
00:06:44,955 --> 00:06:47,137
So enough's enough!
89
00:06:47,172 --> 00:06:49,285
This is my stag do.
90
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,900
I came here to hunt,
and that is exactly what I'm going to do.
91
00:06:52,935 --> 00:06:54,517
I really don't think there's
time for that, man.
92
00:06:54,552 --> 00:06:58,000
No, I'm going to hunt down
whoever's doing this.
93
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,200
And then I'm going to kill them.
94
00:07:01,235 --> 00:07:02,605
Now, hold on.
95
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:05,085
Wait. There's 500 square miles here.
96
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:08,320
And that's just the map.
It's the tip of the iceberg.
97
00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:12,080
You can't find him.
You're never going to find him.
98
00:07:12,115 --> 00:07:14,240
We don't need to find him, Ian.
99
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,480
He's going to find us.
100
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:37,600
Excuse me?!
101
00:08:42,302 --> 00:08:43,605
Oh, shit!
102
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,085
Hey, mister!
103
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,320
Oi-oi! Wanker!
104
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:50,800
Yo!
105
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,480
Shooooot!
106
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,880
Angus!
107
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:48,920
I've been shot!
108
00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:50,885
No shit!
109
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:52,860
- Angus!
- Please!
110
00:09:52,895 --> 00:09:54,765
- Mate!
- Help!
111
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,800
Nobody move. Seriously.
112
00:09:56,835 --> 00:09:58,457
This could be like that bit
113
00:09:58,492 --> 00:10:00,045
in Saving Private Ryan.
114
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,080
He could be waiting to shoot us
when we go to help Johnners.
115
00:10:03,115 --> 00:10:04,880
I love Saving Private Ryan!
116
00:10:04,915 --> 00:10:06,285
Not now, Mex.
117
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:10,045
Apparently, loads of veterans
who saw it at the cinema said that
118
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:13,840
that bit at the beginning was more
realistic than actually being there.
119
00:10:13,875 --> 00:10:16,520
Let's talk about this later, mate.
120
00:10:16,555 --> 00:10:18,880
Guys? This is Ian.
121
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:21,260
Hi, Ian.
122
00:10:21,295 --> 00:10:22,440
All right?
123
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,360
Do you think you could
crawl round this way?
124
00:10:46,435 --> 00:10:47,805
Oh, shit!
125
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,640
- I'm fine, I'm fine.
- You OK?
126
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,360
Do you want some?
127
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,440
Keep moving!
128
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,560
We'll get Johnners. You keep watch.
129
00:11:21,595 --> 00:11:22,737
OK!
130
00:11:22,772 --> 00:11:23,845
Go.
131
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,720
What can you see?
132
00:11:25,755 --> 00:11:27,200
Hang on.
133
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:33,680
Oh! Shit! Go!
134
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,840
What the hell happened there?
Johnners?
135
00:11:52,875 --> 00:11:54,125
Johnners!
136
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,325
Angus! What the fuck was that?
137
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,520
Look, let's just get out of here,
shall we?
138
00:11:58,555 --> 00:12:00,577
We put our lives on the line,
like we agreed.
139
00:12:00,612 --> 00:12:02,600
All you had to do was pull
the bloody trigger.
140
00:12:02,635 --> 00:12:03,965
You bottled it.
141
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,485
Go easy, the guy's just been shot.
142
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,900
The guy got shot because
he pussied out.
143
00:12:07,935 --> 00:12:10,245
Maybe that's what getting hit
does to a man.
144
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:13,280
Anyway, look at it.
You got worse injuries playing rugby.
145
00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:16,080
What do you want me to say?
146
00:12:16,115 --> 00:12:17,680
That I'm sorry? Fine.
147
00:12:17,715 --> 00:12:19,005
Yeah. Sorry.
148
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,000
Sorry I don't have it in me to murder.
149
00:12:21,035 --> 00:12:22,925
Yes, we can't all shoot things.
150
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:26,120
You can't, Thumbnail.
But then, you didn't volunteer.
151
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,080
Fuck!
152
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:33,660
Ow! Fuck!
153
00:12:33,695 --> 00:12:35,480
Fuck!
154
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,920
It is time... to end this.
155
00:12:41,955 --> 00:12:43,885
No! No!
156
00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,280
No, just... Just... No.
157
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,920
We only fire the flare
if we're in serious trouble.
158
00:12:49,955 --> 00:12:51,840
- What do you call this?!
- Right now, Ledge,
159
00:12:51,875 --> 00:12:54,125
right now, we're OK.
160
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,800
But if we get separated
or we're at death's door,
161
00:12:56,835 --> 00:12:58,440
that's when we pull the trigger.
162
00:12:58,475 --> 00:12:59,680
That's what it's for.
163
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,280
As a last resort. Yes?
164
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,520
- Yes?
- Yes...
165
00:13:06,555 --> 00:13:07,920
Thank you.
166
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:11,680
That's confiscated.
167
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,920
Now, I don't know what you guys
want to do next,
168
00:13:14,955 --> 00:13:17,197
but I know where I'm going.
169
00:13:17,232 --> 00:13:19,405
I'm heading for the pylons.
170
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:22,080
And, with a bit of help
from the National Grid,
171
00:13:22,115 --> 00:13:23,960
I'm getting the fuck out of here.
172
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:37,960
Ledge?
173
00:13:37,995 --> 00:13:39,800
Mate!
174
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,960
You must be used to all this rural shit,
being from Eastbourne.
175
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,565
I'm surprised you remember.
176
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,620
Of course I remember. Besides,
my father has a property down there.
177
00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:36,640
- Really? Where? -Do you know where
that big shopping centre is?
178
00:14:36,675 --> 00:14:37,645
Yeah.
179
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,005
Yeah, right there.
180
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,680
What, near the shopping centre?
181
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:45,280
The shopping centre itself.
182
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:50,200
- Is that anywhere near you?
- About a mile.
183
00:14:50,235 --> 00:14:52,725
My place is a little bit smaller.
184
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:55,680
A small house for a small man, I suppose.
185
00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,085
Don't do that, mate.
186
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,120
- What?
- Do yourself down.
187
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,400
You're a bigger man
than we'd have you believe.
188
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,500
Who's Chiggy?
189
00:15:19,535 --> 00:15:21,205
- Who?
- Chiggy.
190
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,960
Do you mean Alice Chigwell-Jones?
191
00:15:22,995 --> 00:15:24,245
I don't know.
192
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,360
God, I haven't heard that name
in a long time.
193
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:30,760
Well, that's how they knew each other.
194
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,880
Christoph recognised the killer
from Chiggy's wedding.
195
00:15:34,915 --> 00:15:37,240
Maybe it narrows it down.
196
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,720
Where have they gone?!
197
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,565
What?
198
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,440
They can't just stop for no reason.
199
00:15:48,475 --> 00:15:49,800
You know?
200
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,080
They must... They must go somewhere.
201
00:15:57,635 --> 00:15:59,005
There.
202
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:02,080
Of course! Can you hear that?
203
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,840
Who can tell me what that is?
204
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,240
Hydroelectric!
205
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,960
I think we can get onto it over there.
206
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,640
Right! This is it.
207
00:16:29,675 --> 00:16:32,120
It's the only way out.
208
00:16:32,155 --> 00:16:34,485
Are you sure?
209
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,400
That's what the gamekeeper said.
210
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:51,525
Guys? Guys!
211
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,680
Keep your eyes on the hills.
212
00:16:53,715 --> 00:16:55,800
We're sitting ducks out here.
213
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,725
This is intense!
214
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,760
- Eyes peeled, boys.
- Keep your head down, Mex!
215
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,600
I'm going to bring my nephew
up here when this is all over.
216
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,540
- Back up. Back up, back up!
- What, and leave Mex?
217
00:17:38,575 --> 00:17:41,565
That's what Mex would want us
to do. Yeah, buddy?
218
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,360
Because this is dangerous...
for everyone, isn't it, Mexico?
219
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,520
Retrace your steps, guys.
220
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,560
Retrace your steps.
221
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,760
Whatever you do, Mex... don't move.
222
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,080
And keep your head down.
223
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,320
Try... try and stay comfortable.
224
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,440
Where's that bloody sniper
when you need him?
225
00:18:48,475 --> 00:18:50,565
Don't even speak, Mex.
226
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,080
It might sense your mouth moving.
227
00:18:53,115 --> 00:18:54,605
I suppose, in a way,
228
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,440
if we're looking for a silver lining...
229
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:03,320
...when I die... your shares in
the scheme grow even bigger.
230
00:19:03,355 --> 00:19:06,085
Mex, shut up!
231
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:07,480
For your own safety!
232
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:11,285
Guys, I can't handle it.
233
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,920
- I'm just going to step off.
- Oh, OK, mate, OK...
234
00:19:13,955 --> 00:19:16,000
But before you do, I've got an idea.
235
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,920
How about you tell the others
what we talked about?
236
00:19:20,955 --> 00:19:22,840
I think that'd be good. Don't you?
237
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,520
What we talked about up
on the hill, mate, remember?
238
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:32,525
Are you sure?
239
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:36,760
I don't... think anyone would mind.
240
00:19:36,795 --> 00:19:38,377
Honestly?
241
00:19:38,412 --> 00:19:39,925
Honestly.
242
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,480
We've all known each other
a very long time.
243
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,285
We can share that kind of shit.
244
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:47,960
And then, whatever happens,
if you decide to step off,
245
00:19:47,995 --> 00:19:49,480
at least it'll be out there, mate.
246
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,680
It's very personal.
247
00:19:52,715 --> 00:19:54,040
I get that.
248
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,080
You can do it, buddy.
249
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,320
I think I know what it is.
250
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,040
You do? How?!
251
00:20:03,075 --> 00:20:05,085
And I agree.
252
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,640
I agree with Ledge.
You should just say it.
253
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,280
Say it.
254
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:12,680
And step off.
255
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:19,720
OK, guys.
256
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,080
The truth is...
257
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,440
...Ledge can't have children.
258
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:33,120
The poor guy just does not
have the sperms.
259
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,805
OK...
260
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,240
Here goes.
261
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:50,125
I'm OK!
262
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:52,320
I'm OK!
263
00:20:52,355 --> 00:20:53,605
I'm OK!
264
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:55,480
I'm OK!
265
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,245
You jammy bastard!
266
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:02,920
I'm still standing
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
267
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,685
Sing it, girlfriend!
268
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,100
OK, well, you might want
to be careful,
269
00:21:08,135 --> 00:21:10,480
actually, cos there could be a second...
270
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,880
Let's go.
271
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,560
We could...
we could take our chances.
272
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,160
We're nearly there.
273
00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:49,925
I'm just beginning to like you, Ewok,
274
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:53,000
but that is the worst idea
since the Millennium Dome.
275
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:31,040
What the hell's this investment
scheme everyone keeps talking about?
276
00:22:31,075 --> 00:22:32,720
Huh?
277
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,880
What are you two involved in?
278
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,525
Do you know what, Ian?
279
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,160
I'm glad you came on my stag.
280
00:22:46,195 --> 00:22:48,685
It's great. But...
281
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:52,280
That doesn't mean you can go
nosing into everyone's business.
282
00:22:52,315 --> 00:22:54,800
Well, it does if my life's in danger.
283
00:22:54,835 --> 00:22:56,325
Oh, your life's in danger?
284
00:22:56,360 --> 00:22:58,165
All of our lives are in danger.
285
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,760
That's all you need
to worry about, mate.
286
00:23:00,795 --> 00:23:02,880
Listen, Ian, I've been thinking.
287
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,720
And, um, maybe
you should just fuck off.
288
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:09,285
Excuse me?
289
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,640
You said it yourself.
The killer knows us.
290
00:23:11,675 --> 00:23:13,680
Us. Not you.
291
00:23:13,715 --> 00:23:14,885
So...
292
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:16,600
You should go.
293
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,720
But we stick together!
294
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,320
Look what happened
yesterday when we split up.
295
00:23:25,355 --> 00:23:26,440
He's right, Ian.
296
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,240
You'll be safer alone, mate.
297
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:34,960
- But...
- But what?
298
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,085
But I promised my sister.
299
00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:41,565
Fran would want me
to tell you to go.
300
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,360
The killer can't be
in two places at once.
301
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:49,200
So this is it, then.
302
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,280
OK, Wizbit, piss off.
303
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:18,800
Run!
304
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,045
Can I just say, I know exactly
what this is about?
305
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:33,000
This is about the financial scheme
that they're all involved in,
306
00:28:33,035 --> 00:28:35,120
which has absolutely nothing
to do with me, OK?
307
00:28:35,155 --> 00:28:36,565
I've never even been to Guernsey.
308
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,560
I've not been to any
of the Channel Islands.
309
00:28:38,595 --> 00:28:40,520
- Kneel down.
- Oh...
310
00:28:40,555 --> 00:28:41,640
Oh, God.
311
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:44,600
I pay all my taxes.
312
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:47,725
I don't have a choice. I'm PAYE.
313
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,520
It's a good system.
I don't have a problem with it.
314
00:28:50,555 --> 00:28:52,200
Put it on. Now.
315
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:56,365
Why blindfold me if...
316
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:58,200
I already know what you look like?
317
00:28:58,235 --> 00:29:00,200
It's not a blindfold.
318
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:07,440
It's going to get messy. Gotcha...
319
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,320
Can I just say one last thing?
320
00:29:18,355 --> 00:29:19,600
Please?
321
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:22,940
This seems like an unusual request, but...
322
00:29:22,975 --> 00:29:25,040
would you mind shooting me
in the face...
323
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:28,080
...rather than the back?
324
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,240
Seeing as you don't know me...
325
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:36,080
...I'd like you to see just
who it is you are actually murdering.
326
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:26,120
Who was at Chiggy's wedding?
327
00:31:26,155 --> 00:31:27,605
I don't know.
328
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:29,760
There was, like, hundreds of people.
329
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:33,880
Yeah, but who do
WE know who was there?
330
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:39,240
Well, I don't know. It was, like,
ten years ago, wasn't it?
331
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:46,720
Sorry I ballsed this up, buddy.
332
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,280
This is the opposite of a decent stag.
333
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:53,680
Seriously unforgivable.
334
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:59,760
I mean, what are we going
to tell people when we get back to Clapham?
335
00:31:59,795 --> 00:32:01,285
Don't beat yourself up about it.
336
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:04,285
I will beat myself up about it,
thank you very much.
337
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:07,360
You see, I'm responsible.
I'm the world's worst best man.
338
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:12,800
Should have done the boozy lunch.
339
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:17,160
Should have done the boozy lunch.
340
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:25,285
Mex was right.
341
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,040
The Guernsey Six
is now the Guernsey Pair.
342
00:32:28,075 --> 00:32:29,600
You and I are 50/50.
343
00:32:29,635 --> 00:32:31,120
That's, what...
344
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,240
...twelve and a half million apiece.
345
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,880
Don't know about you, but I'm not sure
I even want it after all this.
346
00:32:39,915 --> 00:32:42,765
I might give it all to charity.
347
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,960
Better still, get myself a gig
on Dragons' Den.
348
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:51,800
Quieten down, buddy.
349
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:54,160
Stag's talking now.
350
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:00,320
Stag's talking.
351
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:03,720
That's it, buddy.
352
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,440
I'm going to miss you, buddy.
353
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,160
Where are you, boy?
354
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,440
Where are you taking me, boy?
355
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:43,360
Show-off.
356
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:09,365
Christ, Angus,
357
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:12,280
...you could have got yourself shot.
- Again, you mean?
358
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:16,560
I'm going to need a new best man.
359
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,160
Did you notice the gate-crasher?
360
00:36:44,195 --> 00:36:45,845
Christoph? He's dealt with.
361
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:48,640
I know Christoph was here.
Who do you think buried him for you?
362
00:36:48,675 --> 00:36:50,440
I'm talking about the little guy, Ian.
363
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,380
Sophie?
364
00:36:56,415 --> 00:36:57,880
He saw me.
365
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,000
He's seen my face.
366
00:37:01,035 --> 00:37:02,080
How?
367
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:04,645
He found this place.
368
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:06,560
I came back and he was in here.
369
00:37:06,595 --> 00:37:07,925
When?
370
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:09,280
Two hours ago?
371
00:37:12,240 --> 00:37:14,845
You did two tours in Helmand.
372
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:17,845
You're armed with antipersonnel
mines, a high-powered rifle
373
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:20,800
and a harpoon gun, and you managed
to let a new potato in a dinner suit
374
00:37:20,835 --> 00:37:22,520
beat you up with a bottle of Evian?
375
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,840
Well, it sounds bad
when you put it like that.
376
00:37:25,875 --> 00:37:27,445
You have to deal with this.
377
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,800
It's your fuck-up, your responsibility.
378
00:37:29,835 --> 00:37:31,045
Don't talk to me like that.
379
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,165
I can't lead them round
in circles for ever.
380
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:36,280
I can't pin it on the gamekeeper
any more. You need to finish the job.
381
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:39,940
I'll call you from a landline.
Make sure it's done, OK?
382
00:37:39,975 --> 00:37:42,280
- You'll call off the wedding?
- Oh, yeah, of course.
383
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:47,000
I might even take you
for a romantic night away.
384
00:37:47,035 --> 00:37:49,880
Another mindless quickie in
the Premier Inn?
385
00:37:49,915 --> 00:37:51,565
Sophie, please!
386
00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:54,000
We'll have 25 million in the bank.
387
00:37:54,035 --> 00:37:56,400
We'll do it in the Radisson Blu.
388
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:00,600
You're doing so, so well.
389
00:38:00,635 --> 00:38:02,320
We're nearly there.
390
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:05,120
OK?
391
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,365
You dealt with the bodies?
392
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,960
Make sure you burn the maps
and the photos when you're done.
393
00:38:12,995 --> 00:38:14,297
Where are you going?
394
00:38:14,332 --> 00:38:15,600
I still need my alibi.
395
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:37,560
Johnners!
396
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:41,920
Johnners!
397
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:51,360
Ledge...
398
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:54,725
Ledge? Ledge!
399
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,045
Ledge! Ledge, come on.
400
00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:59,560
Come on, it's me. It's Ian.
401
00:38:59,595 --> 00:39:01,777
Ledge! Come on!
402
00:39:01,812 --> 00:39:03,925
It's Wizbit. Huh?
403
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:06,080
It's Wizbit. It's croupier Gollum.
404
00:39:06,115 --> 00:39:08,377
It's... Sandi Toksvig. It's R2-D2.
405
00:39:08,412 --> 00:39:10,640
I... I can't remember them all, Ledge.
406
00:39:10,675 --> 00:39:12,200
Please... Ledge!
407
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:15,000
Legend!
408
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:05,720
Go on, then.
409
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:14,285
What's with the crazy long pause?
410
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,800
It's not the fucking X Factor final.
Do it.
411
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:22,760
You're the last man standing.
412
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:28,800
You weren't meant to be here.
413
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:31,805
Well, I am.
414
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:34,120
I am here.
415
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,360
Because I made a promise
to my sister.
416
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,005
This was the man...
417
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:54,080
she was meant to have married.
418
00:40:54,115 --> 00:40:56,160
She loved him so much.
419
00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:59,280
She would have done anything for him.
420
00:41:00,720 --> 00:41:03,260
Whatever these guys are involved in...
421
00:41:03,295 --> 00:41:05,800
however much money's coming
your way...
422
00:41:05,835 --> 00:41:07,400
doesn't make any of this...
423
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:10,260
...OK.
424
00:41:10,295 --> 00:41:11,805
All right?
425
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:13,080
Not even slightly.
426
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:24,800
Do you think we could pretend
we haven't seen each other?
427
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,520
And we never are going
to see each other.
428
00:41:30,555 --> 00:41:32,280
Ever again.
429
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:35,400
How does that sound?
430
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:40,560
Pretty peachy, to be honest.
431
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:45,280
Before I change my mind.
432
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,120
Left one does the gears.
433
00:42:08,155 --> 00:42:09,600
Thank you!
434
00:43:33,240 --> 00:43:35,240
Fuckin' hell!
435
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:26,360
Evening!
436
00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:45,485
What can I get you?
437
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:46,965
I need to use your phone, please.
438
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:48,840
Someone's using it.
So what you having?
439
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:52,240
I'll just have the usual.
440
00:44:52,275 --> 00:44:53,805
Well, you've only been in here once.
441
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:55,840
Well, I'll...
I'll have what I had last time.
442
00:44:55,875 --> 00:44:57,800
- Which was...?
- I don't know!
443
00:44:57,835 --> 00:44:59,560
I'll have an orange juice.
444
00:44:59,595 --> 00:45:00,760
Right.
445
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:25,405
So, any good kills?
446
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:27,880
- What?!
- On your stag hunt.
447
00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:32,520
Quite a few, as it happens.
448
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:35,605
I really need to use that telephone.
449
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:38,560
I just told you, your friend is using it.
450
00:45:38,595 --> 00:45:40,397
He'll be back in a minute.
451
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:46,480
Yeah!
452
00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:50,120
I'll, er... I'll call you back.
453
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:56,080
Ian!
454
00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:58,920
You're still alive!
455
00:45:59,960 --> 00:46:01,320
That's amazing!
456
00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:03,560
Yeah.
457
00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:06,040
Who were you just talking to?
458
00:46:06,075 --> 00:46:07,640
The police, of course.
459
00:46:07,675 --> 00:46:09,045
Of course.
460
00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:11,560
Yeah. And they're fully up
to speed now, which is...
461
00:46:11,595 --> 00:46:12,760
Well, it's great.
462
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:16,720
Maybe I should ring Fran.
463
00:46:16,755 --> 00:46:18,645
Well, I-I also rang Fran.
464
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:21,160
She is one relieved woman, let me tell you.
465
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:25,200
Yeah.
466
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:30,360
I'm just... praying Ledge got out alive.
467
00:46:34,240 --> 00:46:35,880
Actually, Angus, I...
468
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:40,000
And I'm very sorry
to have to say this, but...
469
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:46,040
He almost got out.
470
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:50,800
He managed to fire that flare up, but...
471
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:53,760
...he didn't quite make it.
472
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:57,040
"Best man can't do everything. "
473
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:10,560
When he asked me to leave...
474
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:12,765
...it's almost as if he knew
475
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:14,960
he was sending me out
of harm's way, you know?
476
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:18,080
Yeah. I think you might be right.
477
00:47:23,240 --> 00:47:24,560
Ian Telford?
478
00:47:24,595 --> 00:47:25,765
Yes.
479
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:27,725
Your card didn't go through.
480
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:29,960
There's still over 500 quid on there.
481
00:47:29,995 --> 00:47:32,160
Try it again. I get paid on Fridays.
482
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:38,800
And there's...
483
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:41,685
...a wee tip...
484
00:47:41,720 --> 00:47:43,440
there for you, lassie!
485
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:50,360
I'm just going to, er...
486
00:47:50,395 --> 00:47:52,320
pop to the bog.
487
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:55,680
Number two, is it?
488
00:48:58,000 --> 00:48:59,485
Ian?
489
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:07,120
Ian?
490
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:11,440
Er, why don't you come back to the bar?
491
00:49:11,475 --> 00:49:13,120
We can carry on chatting.
492
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:25,920
Oh, shit!
493
00:49:29,720 --> 00:49:31,880
Yeah, the Southmuir Arms.
494
00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:36,040
The police are on their way.
495
00:49:36,075 --> 00:49:37,765
How long till they get here?
496
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:41,160
Hey, with the potholes in the road,
it'll be the best part of an hour.
497
00:49:41,195 --> 00:49:42,880
Sorry.
498
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:21,365
Hey... Hey!
499
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:23,560
Hey! What are you doing?!
500
00:51:23,595 --> 00:51:25,085
Ian!
501
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:27,005
Listen, buddy...
502
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:31,080
OK, just to be clear, none of this
has anything to do with your sister.
503
00:51:31,115 --> 00:51:32,760
She and I, we're...
504
00:51:32,795 --> 00:51:34,245
Well...
505
00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:36,040
we're soul mates.
506
00:51:36,075 --> 00:51:37,560
Soul mates?
507
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:41,160
Well, let's see, shall we?
508
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:45,600
Let's have a look at the old...
questionnaire.
509
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:49,965
Question one.
510
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:52,200
Well, we-we have done question one...
511
00:51:52,235 --> 00:51:53,925
We tried.
512
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:56,120
We haven't actually heard your answer.
513
00:51:56,155 --> 00:51:57,565
Oh, God...
514
00:51:57,600 --> 00:51:59,200
"When's Fran's birthday?"
515
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:05,920
- It's...
- No? No, I didn't think so.
516
00:52:05,955 --> 00:52:07,525
Question two.
517
00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:09,240
"Gillette, Tussauds or... "
518
00:52:09,275 --> 00:52:10,920
No, we'll forget that one.
519
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:20,160
Where are they?
520
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:28,720
Question 13. Ah, here we are.
521
00:52:28,755 --> 00:52:30,760
You'll like this one, actually.
522
00:52:30,795 --> 00:52:32,160
This is all about you.
523
00:52:33,720 --> 00:52:36,320
"What phrase would Fran use to
describe Angus?"
524
00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:40,080
Ian, I... I don't want to play
any more, buddy.
525
00:52:40,115 --> 00:52:42,160
- Answer the question!
- "Sensitive. "
526
00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:46,560
"Smells good. "
527
00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:50,565
"OK at cooking. "
528
00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:52,560
Do you want to know
what it actually says?
529
00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:55,200
It says...
530
00:52:56,240 --> 00:52:58,240
..."Really well hung. "
531
00:52:58,275 --> 00:53:00,125
What?
532
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:01,680
Really? It says...
533
00:53:01,715 --> 00:53:02,760
No.
534
00:53:05,240 --> 00:53:06,485
No, Ian...
535
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:07,840
Ian, buddy, wait.
536
00:53:07,875 --> 00:53:09,005
I...
537
00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:11,285
You don't deserve my sister.
538
00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:13,765
That's what this weekend's been
about for me.
539
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:16,760
There was a point where I thought
she'd done well for herself, but...
540
00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:23,005
Ian!
541
00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:24,200
Ian, buddy...
542
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:26,800
Ian...
543
00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:31,520
Ian, are you...
are you still there?
544
00:53:31,555 --> 00:53:33,005
Yeah.
545
00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:36,560
Listen, buddy, I'll admit it,
this whole Fran engagement thing,
546
00:53:36,595 --> 00:53:39,240
it was just a way to get everyone
together, you know?
547
00:53:39,275 --> 00:53:41,440
The truth is that
I don't love your sister.
548
00:53:41,475 --> 00:53:42,965
And...
549
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,165
I don't deserve her.
550
00:53:45,200 --> 00:53:47,960
But, you know, that doesn't mean
that we can't share the cash
551
00:53:47,995 --> 00:53:49,165
from the Guernsey scheme.
552
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:51,760
You know,
we'll split it three ways you, me,
553
00:53:51,795 --> 00:53:53,045
Fran, you know?
554
00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:55,400
We just blame the whole thing
on Sophie, you know?
555
00:53:55,435 --> 00:53:57,625
Mental Sophie.
556
00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:00,480
She's been doing all this, right,
because she's got it stuck
557
00:54:00,515 --> 00:54:02,045
into her silly little female head
558
00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:04,840
that we might actually
get back together at some point.
559
00:54:04,875 --> 00:54:06,445
But there's no way.
560
00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:08,525
I mean, honestly, buddy...
561
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:11,240
Buddy, I wouldn't touch her
with yours, you know? So...
562
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:16,880
Ian?
563
00:54:21,440 --> 00:54:23,520
Buddy?
564
00:54:23,555 --> 00:54:25,565
Oh, fuck!
565
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:27,765
Oh... Oh, my God.
566
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:30,240
Ow, you little pervert!
567
00:54:30,275 --> 00:54:31,577
Come on!
568
00:54:31,612 --> 00:54:33,066
Ian!
569
00:54:33,101 --> 00:54:34,520
Oh, God!
570
00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:37,800
Oh, God!
571
00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:40,800
All right, if this is what it takes...
572
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:46,080
Sophie!
573
00:54:46,115 --> 00:54:47,845
My God!
574
00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:50,120
Oh, my God!
Well, thank God you're here!
575
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:53,760
I thought I said
I never wanted to see you again.
576
00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:00,800
Ian, buddy...
577
00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:08,400
We were just talking about you.
578
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:12,720
Sophie?
579
00:55:19,240 --> 00:55:20,680
What's that?
580
00:55:27,600 --> 00:55:29,085
Sophie?
581
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:30,480
Is that a mincer?
582
00:55:30,515 --> 00:55:32,005
No way!
583
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:35,405
Seriously, Sophie, you can't do this!
584
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:39,240
If you kill me, no-one gets the money!
That's how it works.
585
00:55:39,275 --> 00:55:40,965
- Is it?
- Of course!
586
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:44,440
We paid Wendy to set it up that way.
He made sure of it.
587
00:55:44,475 --> 00:55:46,565
Come on... Sophie?
588
00:55:46,900 --> 00:55:50,120
Oh, no! No!
589
00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:53,400
No! God! No, no, no, no, no!
590
00:55:53,435 --> 00:55:55,797
No! No, no, no, no!
591
00:56:57,480 --> 00:57:00,760
Hey, baby, how did it go?
Oh, was my brother OK?
592
00:57:00,795 --> 00:57:01,965
He survived.
593
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,160
He didn't try any
of his god-awful jokes, did he?
594
00:57:05,675 --> 00:57:07,080
Fran, it's me.
595
00:57:07,115 --> 00:57:08,765
Ian?
596
00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:11,060
Well, what's going on?
Where's Angus?
597
00:57:11,095 --> 00:57:13,320
Oh, just tell me he's still in one piece!
598
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:15,845
Ian, come on, put him on.
599
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:19,040
Fran, I need you to listen to me
very carefully, OK?
600
00:57:19,075 --> 00:57:20,480
OK!
601
00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:29,200
Ian?
602
00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:34,480
You remember that guy
I told you about at work,
603
00:57:34,515 --> 00:57:36,285
Tony Wallace, Deputy Head of Maths?
604
00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:39,600
Yeah, I remember him, but what's
that got to do with anything?
605
00:57:39,635 --> 00:57:41,685
Well, he's loyal.
606
00:57:41,720 --> 00:57:43,600
Washes his hair, pays all his taxes.
607
00:57:45,420 --> 00:57:47,160
Ian, what are you on about?
608
00:57:47,195 --> 00:57:48,680
I'm coming home, Fran.
609
00:57:50,360 --> 00:57:51,880
School tomorrow.
610
00:57:53,040 --> 00:57:55,420
I'm testing Year 9 on...
611
00:57:55,455 --> 00:57:57,800
mountains and rivers.
612
00:57:59,160 --> 00:58:00,320
Ian?
613
00:58:02,120 --> 00:58:03,400
Ian!
614
00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:13,000
I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah...
615
00:58:14,520 --> 00:58:18,520
I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah...
616
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:21,480
I'm still standing...
39345
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