Original subtitles

Storms pass jodly. There's nothing to worry about.

And the new lightning conductor appears to work perfectly.

What's that then, Picker?

The lead vicar.

It's been moved.

It may be just ground resettlement.

Sir Boniface.

He's gone.

Two Russians to take care of one Englishwoman.

So pretty.

What a shame you have to die.

Oh shit!

Quick!

What was that?

I don't think I'll watch him.

I don't believe it.

You should have climbed down, Fraulein, instead of up. But our little open -air

encounter here will give you one last opportunity to tell me about your

Why not, Hegenehal?

I came for the invasion plan.

Any particular invasion, Fraulein?

Don't we say, uh...

You think you can deceive General Von Kessler?

I laugh in your face, brawline fuck.

You do not have the invasion plans for Holland.

Are you certain of that, Peggy Miller?

It's what they tell you to do when you are threatened, Fraulein Falk.

Burn yourself to your death.

It's in the manual.

booty from the whole expedition amounts to this absurd mechanism for lighting

cigars.

Get away, sis.

Beautifully steered, Passepartout.

I knew I could rely on you.

You are more than welcoming.

Passepartout. Tea, please. Tea?

Passepartout.

ordered to you when there's something wrong, didn't you?

Well, there is something wrong, actually.

While you've been playing ducks and drakes with the Prussians, we've had

bad news from home.

Well, what?

It's about my father.

Boniface? Hmm.

It seems his body has vanished from the church crypt.

It's like flying over a history book.

Well, we're going home, Jules.

I have to dress the part.

The county expects and all that.

They don't know about you being in the Secret Service.

Good Lord, no.

They just think I have a lot of very infirm relatives all over the continent.

But don't they know that Sir Bonham was supposed to die?

Of course not.

And he wasn't just...

He was the man who made the British Secret Service what it is today.

He was determined to ensure that the nations of Europe never went to war

Oh. You and Phileas must be very proud of him.

Have you seen the rules on the Cleve cottages, Rebecca?

They will all need refatching before next winter.

We'd better get MacGyver onto it. Straight away.

You were just saying how proud you and I must be of Boniface.

Was he indeed?

Well, you of course always hero worshipped him, Rebecca.

How could I not? He was a hero.

I know he had to do some harsh things, but he always did them for the best

reasons.

He did them for his own reasons.

Whether they were the best is a matter of judgment.

I don't understand.

Ah, well.

Running a secret service organization involves treating human beings like

on a chessboard, Vern.

My father possessed a consummate skill at the game, and we paid the price.

What price?

Save yourself, Eleanor!

Sir Boniface sent Phileas and his brother, Erasmus, out on a terribly

mission. Well, you see, it wasn't a risky mission, Rebecca.

It was a suicidal one. Their stakes were incredibly high. As Erasmus

discovered... Help!

No!

Erasmus never came back.

Well, unfortunately, Fern, this valley has always been a magnet for summer

storms.

Ah, Bodkin. I'm so sorry about this terrible event, Mr. Folk. It must be

enormously distressing for you to know that Sir Boniface's monument has been

desecrated in this way. My father was his own monument, Bodkin. His reputation

speaks for itself.

Yes, but for the bodily despair from our own ancient church, I feel responsible.

Nonsense, Bodkin.

There's a rational explanation for all of this.

And as soon as we set our minds to it, we'll find it. I'm so glad to hear you

say that, Mr. Park, because some of the simpler local people have begun to talk

about the supernatural.

Better get to the church before the storm sets in.

Ta -da!

I invent a many, many lots machine to improve my master's life.

Perhaps you could concentrate on those that improve the outside of the house.

Just one, then.

The fountain?

Well, this is a very isolated valley.

It escapes the attention of both Henry VIII and Oliver Cromwell, and thanks to

that, happily retains its pre -Reformation grandeur.

Oh, what is this?

Now, those are the bones of St.

Bartholomew, brought back from Syria by Sir Hugh Maskellion, the crusader, the

most distinguished medieval knight and founder of this church.

And that, legend has it, is the axe with which Sir Hugh lopped off seven

Harrison heads in one day.

Religious discussions could become quite heated in those days, you know.

It's not religious discussions that concern me, Vicar.

It's my father's body.

Who could have done this, Philly?

It seems so pointless.

Father meddled with other people's business all over the world.

Who knows what ancient hatreds he stirred up.

He didn't meddle, Philly.

He fought to protect the British Empire.

To keep the peace.

Do you remember when he had the Temple of the Thug he pulled down? Just outside

Calcutta. Yes, it was dedicated to the goddess of...

All the priests were ritual killers.

Just the sort of people who might well trek halfway across the world to meet

their revenge.

There'll be no strangers in the neighborhood, Mr. Pog. I've inquired.

Where even the gypsies haven't turned up this year.

What are you doing, Jules?

Just taking a dust sample.

In case there was a clue.

Most thoughtful, Vern.

What we have to do is find the body.

Now, I suggest we...

St. Bartholomew's bones.

They flew up in the air like birds.

Only one thing could have done it.

The devil himself.

Oh, that's better.

Thank you, Mr. Fogg.

There are a few events that don't seem more manageable once one has had a cup

tea. Would you like the fire for us, McCarver?

Certainly, miss.

Well, what do you think, vicar?

What could have caused a pile of thousand -year -old bones to leap into

like that? Well, it was obviously something to do with the storm.

The air was full of electricity.

A single bolt of lightning can contain up to a million volts.

A new conductor should have channeled all that power safely away.

And anyway, lightning can't explain all the unnatural goings -on around

Chillingworth, Magna.

What goings -on?

Mr. Fogg, you know as well as I do that local people have been reporting strange

hiking scenery like this in this valley for a thousand years.

And it's always just been the local storm, Vicar.

Well, I'd like to think so, Fogg.

There was not a drop left, Mr. Fogg.

Nobody has come near me since I drank it.

Passport 2, this is your doing, isn't it?

Yes, Master.

It is called... I know. Service is my invention.

Passport 2, you are an idiot.

MacGyver, remove this thing immediately.

Very good, sir.

this to the workshop, and you do a Bellinger test on it.

I will test it within a foot of its life.

Technology at work, Hodkin.

Not the supernatural.

I think we can dismiss that from our investigation.

I hope Dr. Sanderson will agree.

Dr. Sanderson?

Who's he?

The bishop is sending him.

When Nathalia reported all this thing going on, his lordship felt...

An expert would need it. An expert?

What kind of an expert?

An exorcist. What?

An exorcist. The bishop said that... Oh, my God, thanks, Hodkin. Will you get a

grip on yourself?

My father's disappearance has nothing to do with evil spirits.

You've got to find him, Mr. Fogg.

This happened at the church.

We must investigate whether there is any link to the next... No, there's no link

to the next... MacIvor!

Um, maps, rulers, and some pencils.

We're going to divide the country right into squares and search every inch of it

systematically.

We should check the standing stone.

Hispanic, though.

Iron Age burial site.

One of Sir Boniface's favorite spots.

Um, you're not implying that he, uh, toddled off there for a final visit?

Eh?

Hmm.

I want you to be very quiet here.

These are the grounds of Maskelyne Castle.

Why? Shouldn't we be here? No.

It's just that one of Sir Hugh's descendants, Miss Partridge, is the most

annoying woman in England. Rebecca, my dear. How wonderful to see you.

You're just in time to help us organise the hunt for us.

Ah, we were just... And you'll be delighted to know I've nominated you as

year's president of the Fund for Bibles for the Cannibal Isles.

Oh. It's so... So important to discourage them from meeting each other,

know. Madame, my name is Jules Verne. I've been longing to meet you.

Miss Fogg is on her way to an urgent appointment, but I wanted to ask you

your distinguished ancestor, Sir Hugh.

Whoa.

Why did you love this place, Father?

And what did you care about some long -dead Celtic chieftain?

Excuse me, sir.

Can you tell me the way to the Reverend Eric Bodkin's house in Shillingworth

Magna? Yes, I can.

And you are?

Oh, Sanderson.

Dr. Thaddeus Sanderson.

I have to exercise the church there.

Terrible goings on, you know.

So they say, Sanderson.

So they say.

Oh, very tidy.

Well, I've always associated exorcism with the Middle Ages, aren't I?

Don't you find it hard to take seriously as an educated man?

I know it is the modern vogue to discount the workings of the evil one,

Fogg. But I've seen too much of the devil's wickedness not to believe in

And I've seen too much of man's wickedness to need to believe in him.

Well, hello, Rebecca.

Whoa, whoa. Any luck?

No.

Just the gypsies. They are back, after all.

My dear young lady, please.

Permit me to offer you a ride.

My name is Sanderson.

I'm just on the way to the Reverend Bodkin's residence in Shillingworth

Oh, you're quite safe with Dr. Sanderson, Rebecca.

He's an exorcist.

Walk on.

Lady Tadcaster, wife of the Master of the Radley Hunt, absolutely refuses to

wear hunting pinks, which is not becoming...

Oh, untraditional.

I do think tradition's important, don't you?

And thus, after his vision of the angel, did Sir Hugh carry the casket of St.

Bartholomew back to the Crac des Chevaliers and show it to the king.

He's full of wonder.

Angel.

What angel, then?

What happened to the casket?

What exactly did Sir Hugh claim?

He said an angel descended from on high into the desert.

And when he went to investigate, he found the casket of St. Bartholomew.

What happened to that casket? Oh, that disappeared long ago. The bones, of

course, were placed in the shrine.

You know, Vicar, I think it's time we take another look at those bones.

I must be frank with you, Starneson. I...

Don't believe there is any need for exorcism here.

My father's body was stolen by a person or persons unknown.

Nothing diabolical about it.

The devil works in mysterious ways, Fogg. His wonders to perform.

Who knows what use the followers of evil one may have for your father's remains.

Oh,

I do apologize, Miss Fogg. I've forgotten I was in the presence of a

And doubtless one who is better refined and...

Sheltered life.

Oh.

The local sewing circle holds her in awe.

Oh.

Tell Dr. Sanderson about your adventures in Palestine, Rebecca, while I go and

find Godhead for you.

So, uh, what exactly does an exorcism consist of, Dr. Sanderson?

Oh.

Are you sure you want to know?

Perhaps that is the pelvis.

Actually, it looks more like part of the skull.

Oh, yes.

But my dear Mr. Byrne, that would only work if St. Bartholomew had had a

head.

And after the holy water is sprinkled on the altar, the Lord's prayer is said

three times.

And that's all there is to it.

The exorcism has been over.

And do the evil spirits always succumb to your rituals, Dr. Thompson?

Always. They fog.

There are times when I suffer enormous spiritual turmoil.

Before the darkness of anger.

But enough about me.

Tell me about your life here in this delightful backwater.

Well, there's not much to tell, really.

I read.

I sew. I do good work.

Will I fight you?

If you don't mind my saying so, it seems a waste of extraordinary talent.

What makes you think that I have extraordinary talents, Dr. Sanderson?

I intuit it.

It is my profession to intuit things.

Well, for example, those beautiful clothes you're wearing.

They weren't made by any common dressmaker, were they?

No. I designed them myself.

They have wonderful taste.

And if I may say so, those colours complement your complexion

splendidly. Thank you.

What a magnificent ring. Don't tell me you make jewellery as well.

No, it's a circuit from Istanbul.

Ah, yes, the delight of the bazaar.

You've been to Turkey?

Ah.

Ah.

Mm -hmm.

The tools of the trade.

I'm sure Hodkin would be fascinated.

Wish I knew where the man was.

Oh, well, never mind.

I'll go to his house and wait in the car.

Perhaps I could borrow a rug.

Oh, there's no need for that.

Dr. Tharnham, you must stay with us.

Must be for silly.

Not only does it not look human, Vern, it's scary. It even looks like an

Or an angel.

Why would he have called this thing an angel?

Well, because he saw it come out of the sky and then it blazed the fire.

This is in the middle of the 12th century. What else is he going to think?

We're in the middle of the 19th century. What are we supposed to think?

that man is not the only intelligent life in the universe.

You're trying to tell me, Byrne, that these might be the bones of a being from

another star?

No. Why not, Vicar?

Didn't your own William Shakespeare write, there are more things in heaven

earth ratio than are dreamt of in your philosophy?

He was there all the time.

I walked along the boulevard with an independent eye. I could hear the girls

declare, he must be a millionaire.

Cause he's the one who found his master daddy's booty.

Is that you?

Who's there?

you there, Rebecca.

Yes.

I think it came from the church.

Papa Toon, let's get you up. Come on.

Master.

What happened?

She's got him, Master.

She's got him.

And then she jumped on me. What did?

The bones.

The bones?

They've gone.

What's gone?

I'll tell you when we get Taffy 2 back to the house.

Come on, Passepartout.

Oh, steady, steady.

This'll steady right, lad.

Taffy soup with a drop of whiskey in it.

Traditional. Nothing newfangled about it.

But still good.

So, Jules, what is your explanation?

I believe... Passepartout was attacked by a Starman.

I beg your pardon? Star Wars? Star Wars? Star Wars? What are you blithering

about?

During the First Crusade, Sir Hugh saw a fiery object descending from the sky

which he thought was an angel.

He brought back a strange casket and a set of bones as the relic of St.

Bartholomew. But I believe what he found was a being from another solar system.

This is beyond belief.

Even if that's true, Jules, we're talking about something that's been dead

nearly a thousand years.

How could it possibly have attacked Fall Pass Part 2?

Well, the new lightning conductor triggered it, sending thousands of volts

electricity directly past the bones. The being was in suspended animation.

And I must have put the bones in the correct sequence for complete

What has all this got to do with the disappearance of my father's body?

But I have found your father's body, Master.

What? Yes.

Here it is.

What? I...

I have comprehended the dustiness on your father's tomb, Master.

It is bone dustiness. Human bone.

It must have been started by the same storm that jolted the Starman out of

suspended animation.

You're talking gibberish, but... Your father's body wasn't stolen. It was

vaporized.

I'm sorry, my friend.

I thought that's left of him.

It's hard to feel angry with him anymore, isn't it, sir?

Let me in! Let me in!

Oh, Mr. Fogg, sir.

I found it.

You found what?

Your father's body, sir.

Out by the standing stone.

Hidden in the bushes.

With his boots on.

What I don't understand is if the Boniface's body is out by the Standing

who's in the test tube?

That's what I'm going to figure out.

Come on, my boy.

I just heard the news, Miss Fogg.

Please.

Except my sympathies.

Such disturbing developments.

If there is anything I can do, just ask me.

That's very kind of you, Dr Sanderson, but I'm going out to the Standing Stone

now to have a look at this body, whoever it belongs to.

I must confess, I myself am quite upset by it all.

You don't mind if I...

Come, I'd hustle the cigar to you.

No, of course not.

One of the servants said you had a rather ingenious device for lighting

Could I... Yes.

Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry. I think I left it in the church last night.

Oh, think nothing of it. I'll fetch it for you.

I'll come with you.

Thomas.

The carriage will be waiting for you at the station. We all look forward to your

visit. Yours in Christ, Eric Hodkin.

Here it is.

Give it to me.

I beg your pardon?

I mean, would you be kind enough to, um...

Fogg! Oh, there's no

mistake. That was human bone dust in your father's tomb.

So whose body was the standing stone?

Jonathan's.

No, no, it's impossible. I just saw him get out of the church with Rebecca.

I told von Kessler the truth.

I had plans for the invasion of Holland all along.

And you think you'll live to read them?

Why not?

Because I am not alone.

The gypsies.

Gypsies.

Good day, Miss Borg.

You think you can defy General William von Kessler and get away with it? You

have flushed her out.

Kreuzmer. Well done.

Now.

Speak to the vestry door. Let me. Yep.

Are you all right? Yes, I'm fine.

Okay, back in.

Well, was it one of us?

No. No?

The explanation.

What happened to my file?

It's like somewhere in this church.

This way.

We don't want to get in, my friend.

We need to make sure they never get out.

What?

We could blow up the church, Kreutzmann.

With them in it.

It is something I always wanted to do.

Since I was a boy.

So, how does your ex -wife sit?

He must be the Prussian mobile.

We've been after him for years.

Von Kessler was going to send his agents in Holland to prepare for the invasion.

Now they might have to rethink the whole thing.

We may even be able to stop the war.

Unless Von Kessler gets the plans back.

Well, how?

This place was built to withstand a siege.

What would you do in the general's position, Ben?

Our problem isn't how to prevent them coming in.

It's how to get out.

You know, at times like this, I wish I had a gun.

Wait, wait, wait. What if he's not hostile?

Be not hostile.

You two stand back.

I'll tackle it.

Ev, we'll tackle it together.

No, no, no, wait, wait, wait!

He wasn't attacking us at all.

What the devil?

It's a key.

Look, some man's cast it.

Jim, tell me that... Of course.

Doctor.

He's going home.

It's terrible, McKay!

The pretended gypsies! They are going to smither into church!

The game's up, Von Kessler.

Tell your men to throw down their weapons.

Do as he says.

Very nice, Julius.

Well, the role seemed to be a little reversed again, Herr General.

But, uh, I do have a little consolation present for you.

Thank you for lying.

So, Holland was saved from Prussian invasion this time around.

and a treasure trove of alien knowledge had fallen into my hands.

If only I could figure out how to decipher it.

Although Phileas' opinion of his father had not improved with the disappearance

of his remains, he did, however, agree to the marking of his name in a rather

unusual way.