Original subtitles

An automatic steam person.

He's daily job.

Just a toy.

Is this a toy too?

Native. But it's the Cardinal's chariot.

Stop right there, sir.

We have business to fiddle.

The same machine you worked on for Cardinal Richelieu.

But I sended that machine away.

We're talking about national security here.

Oh, no. It's for the army.

They gave me the stuff to make my model into a real machine.

It's got bulletproof shutters and guns and everything. Ain't it great?

And that boy has genius for making deadly weapons.

What have we done?

They're the fool -ass boys!

It's working, Mr. Problem! It's working!

We'll just condemn that boy to death. That's all we have.

You sabotaged my fighting machine?

What's next on the agenda?

Getting rid of that appalling machine, my dear cousin.

It's not something I think one can just leave lying around.

Nice shot, Captain Quantrill. Now, there ain't nothing like killing Yankees to

make a man feel good about himself.

Huh? I'm sick of just killing people, Jesse.

I want to rob them, too.

Lookie here.

Ain't nothing but papers here, Captain.

I'm telling you, Jets, I'm about ready for a complete career change.

Captain, the cowboy's coming.

See what I mean?

See what I got to put up with?

dimension fifth dimension your imagination never ceases to amaze me

not the fifth dimension yes both of you managed to make the original version

disappear it really seemed to disappear my boat think the damn thing in the

mississippi as planned if i realign the hemisphere so it goes out of the

universe we can forget it ever existed we'll just do it before 3 15 when the

memphis bell arrives otherwise we won't reach larkspur island in time to meet

the aurora If the Memphis Belle is on time, and if Passepartout managed to

the Baltimore train.

Well, of course he did. There's one that leaves every Monday at 11 .10.

I've got it.

Go on.

See?

All it needs is a 6 .3 degree realignment.

That simple, huh?

Ah, the mighty Mississippi.

He was a born gambling on Earth.

This is working out rather well.

Now, Memphis Bell.

It should arrive in approximately 62 seconds.

You and Jules and your total confidence in little bits of paper.

There.

There, you see?

Yes. Even on the frontier, there are people who care about punctuality.

It's working.

Come on, we have to get out of here.

No, no, no. It was my brother.

He said it too loudly, but she thought it was me. So she turned to me and said,

Sir, if I were your wife, I would feed you arsenic. To which I replied, Madam,

if I were your husband, I would take it.

Seems remarkably well recovered.

As heartless as ever.

All he needs now is his valet and his dirigible.

Ah, yes, the necklace. Old, bad habits.

Well, there is nothing that needs reforming more than other people's

How very witty.

Have we met?

Sam Clements.

Rebecca Fogg, and this is Mr. Jules Verne.

Would you, uh, permit me to say, ma 'am, that you are a very beautiful woman?

Yes. And believe me, I never lie.

Well, except for practice.

Well, this does surprise me.

Usually if you tell the English something humorous, well, they don't

a smile, but the next day they'll burst out laughing.

I heard you said that to the pilot.

Ah, yes, well, he is an old friend of mine, so he had to listen.

I used to be a pilot myself, but don't tell anybody.

Why not?

Well, if the government were to find out, they would draft me into the Navy

make me fight in a war that I do not believe in.

And besides, I'm not much interested in killing people that I ain't been

introduced to.

Well, that's a very moral thought.

Well, I am a very moral man.

I would never do anything wrong, especially if somebody was watching.

And that is why I became a newspaper man.

Oh, did I hear you say something about having a dirigible airship? No, we

He does.

His valet is coming from Baltimore to pick us up.

Oh, now, he's not your husband, is he?

Maybe a distant cousin.

Well, that is very good news.

Hey, what are the chances of hitching a ride on this interesting machine?

I think it would make for a great story for a young, ambitious newsman such as

Marcel.

Great story for any writer, but I'm not sure that Phileas Fogg wants that much

publicity right now.

You never can tell.

I think we have to.

I'd advise against it.

He's not fond of being interrupted, especially when decimating his

Gambling is the one activity that proves that horses are smarter than men.

Well, you never did hear of a horse going broke betting on a man.

So,

Mr. Fogg, what brings you out to the frontiers of civilization?

The pursuit of pleasure, Mr. Quantrill.

But we've got a long way ahead of you if you come looking for it out here.

It's my pleasure to temper one, Mr. Quantrill.

Would you agree, my dear?

I would certainly give them a card.

You, sir?

Raise it, honey.

No.

be what you do for a living, is it?

Lord, no.

Not so much like hard work.

And you, sir?

What's your profession?

I'm an accountant.

And is there much need for accountancy on the frontier?

Oh, there's more accounts settled here, sir, than the rest of the U .S. have I

put together.

Annie up, Annie up.

Is that 100?

Cool.

Here we go.

We got a winner.

Who has?

Three and twos.

Well, gentlemen, that seems to be that.

Does anyone wish to take anything else?

Don't think many of us got much left to stake, Mr. Fogg.

Well, why don't I complete the proceedings and treat you all to a glass

champagne?

Afraid you can't afford it, Mr. Fogg.

I beg your pardon?

You just played poker with the wrong man.

To take your contribution.

Now we reckon, oh, about everything you have will be enough.

You'll never get away with it, Contrail.

They'll arrest you as soon as the steamboat lands.

Well, we'd better get off early, Mr. Fogg.

We're going to travel by airship.

Do you really think that you and these...

while we're taking the driver.

What was that you called us?

Say it again.

I said, say it again.

Horn -swoggling duties.

I love the way he says that.

As soon as you learn to fly this thing, land it, repair it, and fuel the

engines, you can do what you like with him.

But not till then.

Do I kill him instead? No, Craig.

He's the captain.

Get out of here, Ox.

That brother of yours, he's becoming an embarrassment.

Keep him under control.

Yeah.

Can't this thing go any faster?

It is maximum to the heart.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Well, now there's a string of towns here with nice

fat... Bank.

And however long it takes, we're going to pay a visit to each and every one of

them.

I am not a bank robber, Captain.

Well, no, my friend.

You're the getaway driver.

Any sign of them, Phileas?

None.

How fast does this airship of yours go, Fogg?

Too fast.

Our only chance of catching them is if they touch down somewhere.

I'm worried they've changed course since leaving the island.

There's no point worrying about that, Rebecca.

We just have to work on the assumption we know where we're going.

Your cousin is a man of considerable determination.

You know, you don't have to come with us.

No one would think any the less of you if you stayed behind.

Wouldn't deprive myself of a great story to tell?

The

place

is filled with junk.

And look at this.

That's not junk, you fool.

That's here's artillery.

Put this on the phone of the ship.

We could take over in a town in the West.

Go see what that idiot brother of yours is up to.

I told you, Frank, that is not how we open

windows.

Steady Joe will not like this.

Who the hell is Steel Joe?

Steel Joe was a sheriff.

Tried to stop a robber in a silver mine.

Out, he'll pass away.

Tracked him to the mine.

Space him down in front of the old boiler.

Robber shooting first.

And missing.

But hitting the steaming boiler.

The boiler.

And all the metal.

Right through steel.

Turn him into a metal man.

Come on, that ain't possible.

Not possible for living man.

But still, Joe, not living man.

He roamed the West like the tumbler weed, always looking

for the outlaws.

No one know where he comes from.

No one knows where he go.

No bad man can fight him, for his aim is straight like a ruler.

Just his heart.

Like steel.

And there's smoke coming out from the top of his head.

Like the fires of hell.

The worst part is... Oh, it is rather like Eden.

Yes, except, uh, well, we're not dressed for it.

Oh, I should hope not.

Clements?

Clements?

If it comes to a showdown with the Outlaws, you up for it?

Well, I don't know, Mr. Fogg.

I'm not exactly made of the kind of stuff that heroes are made of.

Phileas Fogg is pretty good at finding that stuff in people, Sam.

Whether they want him to or not.

Let's see it.

Come on.

And off he clunking into the sandy desert on his mission to bringing

justice into the lawless West, which is ending the legend

of Steve Joe.

Hey! Where the hell do you think you're going?

Lord in heaven, this can't be good.

Wake up, you drunken bum!

Very bad people after me.

You the little rat?

Tear this place apart! You'll find him!

Reckon we better hide you then.

Set up some drinks for my boys.

And let's have some music.

Give me the bottle.

He ain't up there.

He probably snuck out one of them windows when we came in.

He won't get far. He better not.

What's your name then, sweetie?

Well, it's a real giggle you got yourself there, Frank.

Very nice.

But,

uh, kind of cute, huh?

Now

that's

enough horsing around. Come on, boys.

We got some business to discuss.

Now, we got ourselves a unique opportunity here.

No more loading our horses with whatever they can carry.

We got us an airship.

And we can fill it full of every damn thing worth stealing.

Yeah, boys.

We're going to rob this town back.

Strip it.

Strip it.

I want the money hidden in every mattress.

The silver spoons in every drawer.

the little piggy bank boys because for what we got the means to take it all

us yeah you're not going anywhere huh

and

you boys you ain't taking nothing with you oh now why don't you just

put your guns down

up our guns why we want to do that sir because i said

so

Gets them every time, don't it? Mm -hmm.

Well done, boys.

Yeah. Set him up, Harmon.

Woo -hoo!

Yeah. Door, path the corral downhill to the forge. You hide there till I come

get you.

Congratulations, Captain.

Looks like Patchouli's got itself a new sheriff.

been out to? Oh, escaping very bad men.

They wanted to kiss me.

Then the sooner we leave, the better.

Yeah. No!

They all shot the sheriff.

That's the kind of thing that bad men do in the West.

Well, Papa, too, may I introduce Mr. Sam Clemens of Hannibal, Missouri?

My greeting to you.

I don't usually dressing like this. Well, that's very wise, because burgundy

not your color.

How badly damaged is the Aurora, Pastor Jim? And how many men does Quantrill

have left on guard?

Can we take them on?

Oh, no. These are not men that you want to take on.

These are men that you want to leave far, far behind.

No, no.

That's the lady from the saloon.

She's saving me.

Friend of yours.

Yes.

This is my master, Phineas Foy.

He has come to take back his stolen airship.

How did you do?

Quantrill and his boys are blood simple, Mr. Fogg.

That's who else needs your help.

I'd be delighted to settle matters with Captain Quantrill, madam.

Lily. Where might he be found?

Oh, no, no, it ain't that easy.

You try to stop him, he's going to start killing innocent people. That whole

gang, I've seen him do it. And if you try to shoot out with the captain, his

outlaws are going to shoot first.

I've seen it.

I think we should approach it scientifically.

They've written new technology against them. It's their minds that we have to

get at.

That's how we win.

Telling them a story? I already telling them a story.

And they were very frightened. My grandmother used to say that if you

the war, then you have to convince the other side to lose it.

Now this is what I call Robert M. Stiles.

You reckon people take me for a gentleman these duds here, Captain?

Not in a million years, Jess.

Phileas will be annoyed that waistcoat was a present from the Aga Khan.

I

always

wanted doing that, Mr. Bell.

And this is going to be my piece of resistance.

There's no reason why machines can't defend the law as well as humans can.

But can machines be having a mind of their own?

They can.

You figure out a way to build them.

Well, I presume control of men cannot be really.

Well, as I understand it, an outlaw's favorite activity is to...

peruse for stories about themselves in the newspaper.

They say you should let sleeping dogs lie, but I say why bother when you can

a newspaper to do it for you?

Do you ever stop joking, Sam?

Ah, only when my audience has had enough.

Your audience?

Is that how you think of me?

No, Rebecca, I think of you as the most beautiful woman that I have ever laid

eyes on.

There. One whole sentence without a single joke anywhere.

Tom Clemens, you are a great fool.

For you, Rebecca.

The biggest.

What's the matter with you?

Not this.

Newspaper?

Steely Joe strikes again.

Outlaws gunned down by a metal...

Outlaws gunned down by a metal man near a patch of whales.

When will the iron ghost strike again?

That makes the hairs on your neck stand up, don't it? Only if you're an idiot.

Can't you see it's just a story?

It's a newspaper cap.

Don't make it true, you lumphead.

Now pull yourself together.

No, shut your pie hole.

Now you go out there and you find the little rat who knows how to fly the damn

day.

in the power of the printed word.

You shouldn't handle that gun like a... You're a real professional, Mr. Fogg.

No, but I insist on my amateur status, Lily.

Huh?

Well, amateur status is a mighty fine thing.

If you can afford it.

Now, I'm not complaining.

People in this town accept me, professional.

It's important.

You'll be accepted anywhere, Lily.

You're a real charmer, you know that, Phileas Bowles?

I should have met someone like you a long time ago.

Well, the frontier is not my usual stamping ground.

What drew you out west?

Oh, the lure of respectability.

You lose your reputation a small town back east, it's pretty hard to find it

again.

So I married a pioneer.

We were...

We even had a little name picked out for our farm.

Innisfree.

Innisfree.

It's very romantic.

So the oxen, the covered wagon, little house on the prairie, that kind of

Three weeks after we crossed the Mississippi, we were dry -gulched by

desperados. They killed Harry. They took every penny we had.

That was the last of the farm.

Sorry to hear that.

But you survived.

Oh, yeah.

In a manner of speaking.

Sometimes you make choices you regret.

Nothing's fixed, Lily.

Oh, Mr. Fogg, everything is fixed.

Come on, you're a gambler. You should know that.

I'm gonna give you a little secret about gunfighting.

It ain't how fast you draw.

It's how true you aim.

Ah, son.

What can we do for you?

Actually, Fogg, it's what Madam Lily can do for us.

We need something from the saloon.

But, uh... Might be dangerous.

You look like you could use a little soothing.

You say that again?

I'm surrounded by pea brains!

I need a drink.

Why don't y 'all come have one with me?

Well, ain't exactly a drink I'm looking for.

Well, what are you looking for, Lily?

Why don't you come and find her?

Not so fast, Captain.

I think you'll find if we draw this out a little, you're going to enjoy yourself

a whole lot more.

Can you help me with my class?

Sure.

I'm so tired.

Why don't you come over here?

Right here, and you just sit down.

Yeah.

Truth is, I am tired.

Just put up your feet there.

Make yourself comfortable, and I'm going to be right back.

Once me and the boys got the airship going, we're going to usher in a whole

criminal era.

Oh, it's going to be great.

Not for the honest folk, though, huh?

Honest people are boring.

Even to themselves.

They want to read stories in the papers about people like me.

some explaining to do, lady.

Well, I hope this is worth all the trouble it's cost, Vern.

Perfect. Thank you, Farr.

It's going to fly right in, passport two.

Yes, yes.

It's just what he deserves.

You have done him a good turn.

He will be so grateful.

I don't think.

In the meantime, I want to find out what's going on with Lily and that damn

scoundrel Connors.

Hey!

Boys, be set!

Now, we've got Madame Lily here.

We're planning to blow her brains out.

Now, y 'all want to come watch?

Now, I'm going to count to ten.

Then she died!

One!

Two!

Three!

Four! You'd be good enough to put that gun down, Captain Quantrill.

Well,

pretty asshole.

Should have known you behind all this.

Naturally. And in addition to Madam Lily, I should like you to return my

dirigible and my money.

You're dirigible, and your money ain't yours anymore, I'm afraid.

Mine. You seem to lack any understanding of the concept of property.

I suppose I shall have to educate you about that.

Can I kill him now?

Waste all the fun in one go.

Now, this here's one we can spin out for a long time.

Is that a challenge, Mr. Quantrill?

Well, ain't you the European gentleman?

What you want me to do?

Throw down my glove and call for my seconds?

Now, you see, we had more the idea of tying you to a wild horse than to run up

and down Main Street here while we fill you full of holes.

Mr. Quantrill here is afraid, afraid to fight me

man to man.

Afraid?

Of you?

You damn hoity -toity bop!

I could shoot you down with my eyes closed.

Well, I'd kind of like to see that.

You wanna fight?

the corn drill.

I'd rather they didn't.

If they do, we'll shoot you.

Seems fair to me, Cantrell.

Sort of tick the tad like.

You see, the problem is, though, Prince, there's more of us than there is of

you.

See, you always have to figure the odds before you get yourself involved in

something like this.

Unless you're able to wind up dead.

Ah, but remember the newspapers, Jesse.

The dead are against you, too.

You cannot die.

Billy Joe has come from the fires of hell for the outlaws.

He has come to bring back justice in the lawless west.

Get them cut down!

seems to be that, doesn't it?

Yes, I rather think it does.

Thanks for your intervention.

Splendid timing.

Ah, well, timing is my specialty.

And prosper too!

Very well done indeed.

Billy Joe!

Come back!

Let him go, my friend.

The job is done.

Where is he going?

Marching into legend.

That's what the West is all about.

Steely Joe!

Steely Joe wasn't the only legendary figure in Apache wealth that day.

Sam Clemons went on to become a literary legend by the name of Mark Twain.

And as for Philly's Fog and Passport 2, I had the feeling they also were going

to end up among the immortal.

Somehow or other.