Original subtitles

Oh, God. Oh, Glenn.

God, let's cut that guy off.

Shit, he looks pissed.

Is he still behind us?

Jeez, could this guy be any more up our arse? Oh, no, Susan, it's fine.

It's not fine, Glenn. He could cause an accident.

Get up our arse! Susan, don't make a scene.

Don't, because we're home.

Just leave it. What the...

Oh, shit.

Is he pulling in too?

Good. No, Susan.

Susan, please.

Susan. Susan.

Hey! What the hell are you doing?

You trying to run me down? You're smashing me.

Yeah, how far up our ass do you want to be, mate? We're going 30 in the 50 zone,

dickhead. I know, sorry. We've got kids in the car. Let's all just chill out a

little bit, please. I'm sorry. He's going to drive you, wanker. Yeah, his

brother will come out here and smash you. No.

Oh, is he?

I'll always be the tough guy in the family, unlike Grandma Pussy Husband.

that's right. Hey, what? Try to get Tommy.

I'm not getting Tommy.

I don't need to get Tommy to protect my family.

You better go and get Tommy.

Dad, get Tommy, Dad.

I'm not getting Tommy, okay?

If I want to take care of this bloke, I'll fucking take care of him, all

You want a knuckle, do you?

Huh? Yeah. What's that?

You want to fight? I'll fight you. Yeah, I love a knuckle.

Yeah, I fucking love a knuckle. Let's go, then. No, I can't right now. Come

let's go. I can't right now, obviously. Come on, why not?

Well, I got family roast. I got roast on.

Roast? Yes.

What time's that finish?

I don't know. It's hard to say.

I'll be back here at 8 .10 for a knuckle, yeah? Know how to drive,

Yeah, will you? Fuck off.

Don't be late!

Ooh. Yeah?

That was so sexy.

Was it? Oh, my God.

Was it?

Glenn, you can't fight.

I can fight.

You can't.

Dad, I love a punch -up, mate.

A real fighter wouldn't say, I love a punch -up, Dad. Oh, OK. Well, what would

they say?

They'd say a scrap, a blue.

A real tough fella would say a knuckle.

Shit. What?

That's what he called it.

He called it a knuckle. Oh, dear.

What? Oh, dear. What did he look like?

He was just...

I don't know. He was in his car.

What did his head look like?

Oh, it was normal, like maybe a bit bald.

Oh, dear.

Oh, you're fucked.

Why? Bald blokes have something against the world. They're angry that the world

hasn't given them a message, so they need something to prove. They're going

smash you for it. No sex or pet up rage.

They want to smash a bloke who's going too slow on the road. Any tats?

Uh, no. I don't think I... No, there were no tats. That's a good sign. No,

again. Blokes get tats to be tough.

A ball bloke with no tats, that's a true alpha.

That's a true killer. You're fucked. This is not like helping me get into the

right mind space for a fight, okay?

Sorry, mate.

I'm just trying to help.

True.

How are your boxing skills, anyway?

Okay.

Okay. Is it too much?

No, no, not at all. You look amazing.

Right. Are you excited?

Yeah.

What are you going to tell the boys?

Just going down the shops for a box of ice creams. Back soon.

Let's go.

What? Kev, I'm not coming on your date with you.

Yeah. Yeah, just come for a drive. No, Kev, I think you've got this on your

Just a bit of moral support.

Kev, you're in this with me.

Okay, fine.

Let's make it quick.

I know how to throw a punch. Move your feet, move your feet. I know you do,

Glenn, but I just want to see your reactions. Come on.

Left, right, left, right. Come on.

Jesus, Dad. Just shut up. Come on. Shut up for a minute and let him talk.

Far out. Here we go.

Okay, here we go.

Move your feet, move your feet. Shut up for a second. Let him throw one.

Okay.

All right.

I don't want to hurt your hands, though. I'm not going to hurt my hands, Glenn.

Let's go. Okay, all right. Here we go.

Holy fucking Jesus Christ. That was the worst.

What is that? Punch I've ever seen in my life. A wet dishcloth. I'm still

warming up. What are you trying to kill, a dead mosquito?

I'm still warming up. Let me go again. Okay, here we go.

Hook,

uppercut. Okay, here we go. Ready?

Ready. Okay, don't move them this time. Okay?

Oh, my God. I missed the jab.

That was even worse. I'm not surprised to be honest. Of course it's Glenn. It's

shithouse. Oh, come on, Dad. I've got a fight tonight. You're not going to win a

fight if you do that.

If you're going to win a fight, you've got to fight bloody dirty, just like we

did in the 40 days when the blokes were a lot bigger than us and there was a

fight on, all right? Okay. A real bash.

Yeah. You've got to look at him in the eye from a distance. Okay.

Square up. Yeah.

Walk straight to him.

And you look him in the eye. Oh, fuck. Just one eye. Look straight into these

eyes. Okay. And don't take your gaze off that eye. And then you've got to do...

What we all have to do if we want to win a fight. Yeah, what is it? Tell me.

Grab him on the cock.

I'm not fucking grabbing him on the cock. You keep a hold of that cock and

it round really hard.

That's your advice for me?

Well, you can include his balls as well.

There he is, Susan.

There he is.

Kerry, just relax.

Wow. God, he's even better looking in person.

Great rig. I'm not going up to that.

What? No.

No. Turn around.

Kerry, don't be ridiculous. He wants to meet you.

Susan, look at him.

Now look at me.

I am not going up to that.

No, I don't want to ruin it.

I'm going to just lose a bit more weight, two more kilos, and then I can

back in a fortnight. Oh, Kez, you can't stand the poor guy up.

Oh, yeah, OK.

Well, you go talk to him.

What?

Just put my earbud in your ear. No.

Just go and have a little chat. No, Kez, I'm... Why would I go on your date for

you? Well, I'm not asking you to go on my date for me. I'm just saying, just go

up. Have a little talk and just say to him that I'm really nervous and I need a

bit more time. No, absolutely not. I'll babysit the kids double for a month.

You're fine.

Hello. Jake 78?

What?

Yeah, no, um... It's actually my mother -in -law.

Look, sorry, she's, um... She's just a little bit nervous about meeting you, so

she sent me instead. She's actually in my ear now.

I'm sorry.

She wants me to say sorry.

Yeah, it's fine.

So what now?

Shake his hand and say nice to me.

She'd like me to shake your hand.

Nice to meet you.

It's nice to meet... It's nice to meet you too, Kerry.

Is it you?

Okay, so we've established he's probably bigger than you, and he's definitely

more of a man than you.

Susan's more of a man than Glenn is. Your boxing skills are worse than some

the 60 -year -olds that train at the gym, and you're not willing to fight

He's got no mongrel in him. Okay, sorry. How's this supposed to be helping me

with this fight? You're basically saying how shit I am, and then I've got no

chance in the fight. Spot on. Yeah, that's right.

Thank you so much.

Great corner man you two are, but I think there is a way that you can avoid

fight. Not win, but avoid.

Run away. I am a pretty good runner. No, not running away. By using your mouth.

Go down on him.

What? No.

No. Fuck him out. Verbally. With your mouth.

Get in his head.

Make him think you're a meaner bastard than you actually are.

Well, there's a 20 -second window before each fight where there's a few lines

that can be thrown back and forth, right? Right.

Before the hands are actually thrown. So what we're going to do is role play.

Dad, you're going to be fighting Dad.

Okay, up you jump. Dad, end it, please.

Come here. Okay.

What I want you to do is square up to him.

Think of the meanest, ugliest, darkest shit you can think of.

And get in his head. Okay.

I've been waiting for this for a long time.

Come on, then.

38 years.

Here we go.

You've got yourself a big problem.

Why's that?

Well, you see, this sleeping pill, I'm going to put it straight into your

Don't say tummy.

Don't say tummy.

I'm going to fly kick you in your shinbone, bitch. No kicking either.

Okay, okay.

Start again. Okay, okay. All right, give me a little flap.

Fuck, I'm gonna lick you on the dick, bud.

What is that shit about? Why do you always go to sexual shit when you get

nervous? I don't know. Just let me go again. Listen, I'm nervous. Okay, let me

go again. All right.

Hey, I'm glad you came.

Why's that?

Well, have you heard of the three knocks?

Ooh. No.

Knock one, I'll knock down this beer.

Good. Knock two, I'll knock you out.

And then knock three, I knock up your missus. That's mum, bro.

Then I'm going to knock down your pants and I'm going to knock around your

arsehole with my tongue. Fuck, why do I keep doing it? Why do you keep doing

that? It doesn't make sense.

Dad, come back. Dad, can you show him, please? Show him how to do it properly.

Okay.

Oh, shit.

That's already good. Yeah.

What are you waiting for?

Huh?

Don't let fear get in your way, mate.

Holy shit. I can't do that. I can't do that. You can.

Well done, Dad.

Thank you. I

don't

think there's anything better than the beautiful white sand on the Thailand

beach. That's my favourite kind of holiday too.

That is my favourite type of holiday too.

Yes.

We should probably do it sometime.

I'd love that.

She would love that.

Well,

maybe we could do this again too, yeah?

Say okay and give him a little kiss on the cheek from me.

What? Just give him a sweet little kiss on the cheek and say it's from me.

She says, okay, and she would like me to give you this.

Can you give her this from me?

What did he give you?

Nothing.

Um, Kerry, do you reckon you could maybe come here now, please?

What?

Why? My little pink hair.

Yeah, Kerry, I think he might want to actually meet you now.

Yeah, no snaking, please.

Susan, I can't really hear what's happening.

Kerry, come now, now, now, now, please.

All right, I'm coming.

Jake 78, I'm Kerry.

Sorry, I was just so nervous. I was just in the car.

It's so nice to meet you.

Yep.

Oh, yeah.

But I still prefer this one.

What if he kills me, guys? He won't kill you.

I, um...

I know I said you boys have been in fights, you know, I was saying that,

I've been in a fight.

Yeah, you know, Glenn.

Dead set.

I'm just so scared because I've never been hit in the head, Dad.

Nothing to it. No, I've never been hit in the head, and it just scares me.

There's nothing to it.

The thought is much worse than the reality.

Really? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah.

I'm freaking killed!

I don't want that.

Oh, my God, it's clicking.

Calm down.

You've got to do what pro boxers do before a fight. Yeah. To loosen up, keep

calm. Well, what's that?

Do they?

Oh, I'll be back in a sec.

Sure he's good at that one.

Well,

you

guys are a load of laughs tonight.

What's going on?

What's up, love?

Nothing.

Looks like you've been crying.

As a matter of fact, I have been crying.

Oh, why?

Because I didn't get the ice cream I wanted.

Oh, Jesus.

Why not?

Because reason got it all right.

You'll never understand them.

I could not mind you.

Then we can all get some sleep. Well, exactly.

I don't think so. I mean, I did ask management, and they said it was fine.

Exactly like that.

On the old glass barbecue.

Hey, pussy didn't show up.

Here we go, Johnny Big Balls. What?

No, I'm just... It's just typical.

All bite, no bark.

I'm actually a bit annoyed, because... I'm looking forward to throwing a

That sounded like a rock.

Didn't hear anything. Well, just take a look!

I didn't hear anything.

No, nothing.

Nothing there.

Oh, that's up in there. That's a rock.

Hey, look, there's no rock. There's just probably kids throwing fucking rock in

the room. Let them have some fun, guys. Chill out.

Come on, let's go.

No, no. Shit.

Hang on. Oh, look at him.

That could be anyone. He looks like a kid so bad.

Look at the size of him. He's not that big, is he? Oh, he do. They are some

pipes. Are they that big?

Pretty big. That might not be him. It's pretty dark.

Where have you got this?

I'll kick the shit out of him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I will. I'll finish this and then I'll go down and

it.

It's that one wasted, Mum.

So I'll just finish it and then I'll go down. Why is everyone watching me?

Finish my ice cream. It's no big deal.

Glenn, are we going down? Should we go?

Yeah, I'm going to finish my ice cream and then I'll go down. Come on, let's

Yeah, I'm coming, fuckwit. I'm going to finish my ice cream and then I'll come

down and smash you.

I'm not wasting a perfectly good ice cream.

That'll scare him.

Perhaps you maybe want to let Tommy go. No, I just want to finish my ice cream.

Guys, I don't want to waste this.

It's not because I'm stalling. I just want to finish my ice cream.

Why is everyone looking at me? I'm fucking just eating my ice cream.

Okay? Stop looking at me.

Like, I'm just going to lick it. Can I lick my ice cream?

Come on. It's melting.

Fuck.

I can go, bro. Honestly.

It's okay if you skip. I'm not fucking... I'm not... You know what? You

what? Hold this.

Tommy's not the only fucking big ball in this house, okay?

Let's fucking go.

She's a clown.

Bloody clown.

I got all day.

I live for this shit, my boy.

Anyone else want a bit?

Don't let fear stop you.

No.

Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.

You okay, Dad? Come on, Dad.

You'll be all right, Glenny.

You'll be all right.

Tommy. Get up.

Get up. Get up. Get up.

Hang on a sec, mate. You did a great job.

You did a great job. Just go inside.

What happened?

You did great, Dad.

What happened?

You did amazing.

You got this shit.