Original subtitles

Oh, God, yeah, I felt that too.

I know. Well, when I stopped breathing and you brought me back to life, it was

just like everything in my world was so much more vibrant and it's

like I was being reborn, you know?

Yeah.

No, don't say that.

Oh, no, thank you, Cale. Thank you. I just so appreciate you coming on this

journey with me.

Yeah, I'll see you next Tuesday.

Me too.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

Salmon. Oh.

How is he?

Oh, my God. He's so good.

Is he?

He has opened up parts of me that I didn't even know existed.

You know what I mean? Actually, he thinks I've got a bit of a blockage in

chest, so we're going to work on my heart chakra next week. Oh, cool, cool.

Heart chakra.

What's that entail?

We microdose mushrooms, and he massages my heart for four hours.

Oh, God, it's such a crazy... It's like another world, isn't it? Yeah. So he's

massaging your heart for a couple of hours. So how does he do that exactly?

Well, I don't know. I think you just put your hand on the heart area and massage

it. Right, but...

Like, where exactly, though? Like, on your chest?

On your heart.

So... Sorry, it just sounds like it's going to be on your tip, though.

No, well, it just... Like, am I a bit crazy? Like, that sounds like it's going

to be your tip, babe.

It sounds like he's literally going to be massaging your tip.

He's not massaging my tip, Glenn. He is massaging my heart to open up my heart

chakra. But where's your heart?

It's behind your tip, isn't it?

You've fallen for some shaman bullshit.

Like, I wake up, Susan.

I'm... I'm more awake than I've ever been in my entire life. You're the one

that's asleep, Glenn.

Maybe you need to see Shaman Kale. I've not... What, so I can fill up my ball

bag?

And you're just going along with it. I just... I can't... I can't deal with

jealous... Oh, well, last week, what was it? He kissed you last week, so...

Glenn, he didn't kiss me.

He gave me a form of spiritual CPR to help me breathe. You don't...

That's some serious shaman bullshit, okay? Because you don't... Mushrooms

make you stop breathing, babe. How would you know, Glenn? You're too scared to

take them.

I wanted you to go on this journey with me and you said no.

So I found shaman kale. Yeah, well, now I'm worried that we're growing apart.

I don't like it.

Well, maybe I am.

What? Never mind. Oh, well, now I really feel comfortable about you going on...

Babe.

Susan.

Why are you so afraid to have mushies? I just, I don't know, you know, like, you

hallucinate and shit. It's a crock of shit.

Oh. Here we go.

It's just a bloody placebo thingy for wanker backpackers that are too scared

suck piss. Dad, it's a real drug. You have enough, you'll be off your tits.

I've had different sorts of mushes all the bloody time.

Yeah, but that's not... They're from the supermarket, Dad. These are like hand

-picked psychedelics.

Mushrooms are mushrooms.

Anyway, I just...

I've got a bad feeling Susan's about to see this shaman's mushroom if I don't do

it soon. Glenn, it's so easy. Just have a handful of mushrooms, chuck them back.

It'll be in and out of your system within an hour, two hours tops.

It's easy.

Really? Yeah.

What are you doing with me?

What, now?

Well, yeah, because, well, we've got a couple... A roast is a couple of hours

away, isn't it, Dad?

Two hours, six minutes.

Oh, come on, cos Susan's got... She's got mushrooms in the glove box of her

Oh, that would... I'll grab them. I'd feel really good doing them with you.

all right, yeah, fine. I'll do them with you.

Yeah? On one condition.

Yeah? What?

Dad doesn't too.

I'm not doing that shit. They don't do anything.

Oh, I thought you had mushrooms all the time. I do, I just don't feel like them

right now. Oh, no, come on, please, Dad, please, please, because I feel like

I've got the courage to do it with you guys. You don't need... Courage? They

don't do anything. If you're such a bloody hero, why don't you have a couple

mushies with me and Glenn then? Yeah.

I'll do double what you piss ants have any day of the week. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. I'm going to go meet you in the lounge room then. Yeah.

I'll get a plate. I'll get a plate. 60 seconds. 60 seconds. Go.

Oh.

Smell that.

I can smell it. Dad, it's not true. Does it smell like that? Yeah, it's fine.

It's not real. Okay.

A bit more.

A bit more. A bit more.

Okay,

ready? Ready? Three, two, one. Holy shit. Here we go. Oh, no.

Go on, Dad.

How's that been?

Is this the best path out there? Yeah, yeah. Found.

Different door board, hasn't it? It is.

How dirty are we talking?

It's filthy, Susan. I'm telling you, I can't keep up with these online guys.

I'm trying.

I'm really trying, but they're all losing interest in my replies and then

just disappear.

Okay. Well, read me the last conversation that you had. Okay. All

So this is with Blackjack Ken. Okay. He's 41.

And so we're chatting and then he starts, what pos are you into?

idea what pos means.

Sex position. Yes, I found that out after 40 minutes googling and so I say

easy. I haven't done doggy style in a very long time because my husband has

short knees.

Is that true?

Yeah. Yeah, he winds up doing this kind of like half crouch thingy which is,

it's really not, it's really not comfortable for either of us.

Right, I can't believe I'm asking this but what is Roger's favourite pos?

Well, at the moment, face down on a Thai massage table while Ling slaps at a

useless thing with tiger butt.

Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry, Kez. I shouldn't laugh.

You should, because he's a bloody joke. Anyway, back to Blackjack Kent. He says,

I got long legs.

Three long legs.

And I'm going to smash your hands and knees into the ground while you're

Husband watches.

Wow. Not bad.

A bit aggressive, but not bad.

So I say, dear blackjack hen, that sounds okay.

We'll let you know my knees aren't great on the hardwood floor.

A little bit of arthritis in the right one, but nothing a pillow under the knee

couldn't fix. Okay, yeah, dirty talk's slipping a bit there, Kat. So he says,

I'm going to take a pillow and put it over your mouth and hide your orgasms.

Why, your dwarf husband.

And what did you say? I said, thank you for the offer of the pillow orgasms. I

will let you know I haven't had one of those in about ten years on the account

of some menopause issues.

Did he block you after that?

Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe don't mention menopause during daddy's birth.

No, I won't.

I'll get it.

Hey. Hey.

You ready for movie studies?

Yeah, come in.

Sweet.

So, I've actually managed to find a few things that I think is going to help

inspire us with the tones of our scenes.

Oh, great. That sounds really good.

You look really nice, by the way.

Oh, thanks. This is what I always wear.

Yeah. But, um, you smell different.

Is that cologne?

Yeah, I just... you know, put a bit on after a shave. Oh. David Beckham,

actually.

What about him?

Oh, it's a cologne.

Oh. Something like a hundred bucks, something like that.

Oh, shit.

It's expensive.

I mean, I guess so.

I saved up a bit of pocket change. I got, like, a bit of cash, so paying for

wasn't really that much of a dig.

Oh.

Shall we? Yeah, no, yeah, um, let's go.

Ah,

you did all of this just for our scene study?

I just chucked some shit together, you know, nothing to it.

Come in, come in, make yourself comfortable.

Yeah, thanks.

Um...

So, I've brought us a couple of different film options we can choose

was thinking we should watch this Woody Allen film from the 80s. He's, like,

really good with complicated relationships.

Right, yeah. Yeah. What did you bring?

I brought the notebook.

Oh, the, um, the notebook.

Yeah, yeah, with Ryan Gosling in it, yeah. Because, you know, we got that,

one kissing moment in our scene.

Right. And I just figured, like, you know, because the notebook has, like,

of kissing in it, I thought maybe it'd, like, be just a good one to watch, you

know? Yeah.

That's cool. So, um, should we watch the movie?

Yeah, sure, yeah, I'll put it on now. Okay.

I'm definitely starting to feel something, are you?

Yeah, this shit's going on quicker than I thought it was going to. Yeah, I feel

like heavy. Is that normal? Like I feel like really heavy? Yeah, no, I feel like

the Charmin shrooms are a lot stronger than the ones I've had before.

Okay. I think we've had too much. Oh, no. Dad, how do you feel? You had

Oh, no, Dad. Oh, shit. Dad, the lid's on. It's starting. Dad, you're drinking

and the lid's on.

Oh, no, I don't like this. I don't like this. Tommy, how do we speed it up? How

do we speed it up? Listen, it's fine. It's fine. Like I tell my clients, you

want to burn it off, run it off.

Sprint. Yep. Okay, where?

Driveway.

Is this right? Am I doing it right? Yeah, I think, yeah.

Do a couple more.

I don't, I'm not really enjoying it. I don't really like it very much.

It's fine, it's fine. I'm feeling like this is, yeah.

Are we okay?

No, we're fine. It's a little... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it full on, isn't it? No,

a little heavier than usual, but I feel like it's... This is fine?

Yeah, this is fine. Why are your eyes so open? They're not.

You're not blinking, though, man.

What do you mean?

Hang on.

Where's Dad?

What do you mean, where's Dad?

He was here.

Oh, shit.

Oh, I think we've got to go get him.

Wait for us. Come on.

Go, come on. Dad?

Susan? Susan?

Susan? We've got a live one.

Oh, OK. OK, what's been said? OK.

All right, he says, hey, T -slut, you DTS?

So DTS means you're down to... Got it. Yeah, so I say, yep, I'm getting back at

my husband.

Oh, OK, that works.

Oh, we might be on here, Kez. I know.

I'm nervous.

We're typing.

What does he say?

He says... You into kinky shit?

What should I say?

Oh, I know. Say... I might be into kinky shit, but you're going to have to show

me the ropes.

Nice.

This is fun.

OK, he says, I'm going to hold your hand through it, baby girl.

Oh, say... What do you have in mind, Daddy?

Oh.

OK, so he says...

I want to lie under a glass coffee table. Great.

And watch you take a shit on it.

I don't think I like kinky. No.

She's so subtle with her choices.

Yeah. Do you want some wine?

What?

Oh.

Fancy a vino?

Hidden in wine. You know, got to keep it warm. It brings out the grape.

I just...

Like to have a drop of it sometimes, you know.

Oh.

One

for

the lady.

No, thank you.

Should we pop on some music?

What?

What for?

Just to chill out and shit. But we're not going to be able to hear the TV.

Yeah, true.

Yeah.

Your hair smells really nice.

It's really hard to hear them when you keep talking.

Yeah, bloody chatterbox over here, right? Probably has something to do with

stuff.

Over there? I looked down.

And I don't want to look now because it'll freak me out, but I looked down

don't have any legs. Can you look and see some?

What? Can you see any legs?

What? I fucking floated to you just now.

Did you see that?

I can't hear what you're saying.

Why? Because I can't hear anymore.

I can't hear it.

I don't like this, Tommy. I don't like this at all. You're fucking deaf. I've

got no legs and I think Dad is dead.

I wish I was a little frog.

Hmm?

Okay, bye -bye.

Don't freak out. I'm gonna walk over to you now, but I don't have any lights in.

It's full on.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear. He is dying, Tommy. I fucking told you he was dying. We're gonna go to

the shamans now, okay?

Can't hear you.

Okay.

Hang on this way. You guys just come.

I'll just knock, yeah? I'll just knock?

Hold on to that. Tommy, Tommy, I'll just knock? Yeah, knock. Knock on the...

Tommy Knockers.

Oh, hi. Thank God you're home. Kale, are you Charming Kale?

Yeah, I'm Kale.

Oh, thank God. We need your help, man.

I don't have any legs.

This is my brother. He can't hear anything.

He can hear what you say. If you ask him a question, he will respond.

And we're pretty sure that my dad's dying, so we need help.

Yeah, it took like a shitload of mushrooms.

You gave them to my wife, Susan. Susan Turner.

Ah, right, so you're Susan's husband.

Yes, yes.

Ah, I see.

How many did you guys have?

How much did we have?

Probably too much, about this much. Probably three grams, but it felt like

grams.

Right.

I think you should probably come inside. Oh, thank you so much, because we just

need a safe space. I know.

Just so you know, I didn't hear anything you guys just said.

You're going to have to repeat that. So go down to the lounge, grab a cushion.

Come on, mate.

You all right there?

Come on.

All right, there we go.

Okay,

you can let go of the book.

Kez, Kez, Kez, just before you text anything, wait, wait, wait.

Look, I've got a bit of a crazy idea.

Oh, well, any advice is welcome advice, Susan.

OK, look, no offence, but I think that your texting game is maybe just a little

bit old school. I agree.

I think that, you know, for this one, maybe you should just get out of your

and, you know, just talk to him.

Call him? Yeah, you can call him on the app. I just think that maybe, you know,

the dirty talk might...

Come a bit more naturally. If you can just... Oh, I know, I do struggle with

texting. I mean, that's a young one's game, that.

So call him.

All right, OK.

All right, I will.

Uh,

hey.

Hey. I see you slid into my chat box, Jake78.

Yeah, yeah, I... I know, I thought I'd just say hi.

Hi. So you liked what you saw, huh?

Yeah, well, I love tea, and I saw that your profile name is Teaslut, so I

thought, well, she must love a cup of tea also.

Yeah, I love tea.

You like slippery honey?

You like wet honey?

Jake78? You want me to smear some sticky honey on your ball?

Excuse me?

You want me to lick some wet sticky honey off your veiny ball sack?

What are you, like a little pussy or something, are you?

No, I just thought you looked kind of nice and normal, but I can see you just

hit a hook up.

No, no, sorry.

No, look, I'm just... I really... I am normal.

I, um... I actually really hate that dirty talk crap too, and everyone does

and I thought that's what you had to do, so anyway, look, sorry.

It's fine.

It's fine.

Oh, God, can we start again?

Yeah, yeah.

In public?

Yeah, why not?

Okay.

I'm Kerry, by the way.

Well, it's nice to meet you, Kerry, and I'll see you next week.

Oh, my God, Kerry!

I need to see a photo of this guy. All right, all right.

good thing to do now is to really tune into that fear.

You know, if it's coming up, don't run away from it. It's coming up. It's

up. Okay.

So look into it.

Ask, what is this fear trying to tell me? It's telling me I have no legs.

Where are my legs, Cale?

Well, they're going to show up when they're ready to show up. I know, but

more like, that scares me. Like, what are they just going to pop back?

Like, I'm going to fucking see them pop back.

Now is a good time to ask yourself, what is your intention?

Well, I was thinking about before to figure out why I can have sex with so

Instagram models, but I can't find myself a girlfriend.

What is it about that need for a girlfriend?

I think it's just because of really low confidence, actually, when I really lay

it out for everyone.

I'm worried about my hairline. I'm worried about...

why my balls are so big compared to my penis.

Just let the mushrooms guide you.

Okay? What the fuck?

There's a lot of stuff coming up for all of you right now.

Dad's the mystery elephant, isn't he? That's me.

That's me.

I'm the sex machine.

Everything they know, I taught them.

Everything.

Everything good? Yeah, sorry.

It's all good.

I

really

like hanging out with you, Violet.

What?

I just said I really like hanging out with you. Oh, I like hanging out with

too.

Oh, Flynn.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry. I'm completely giving you the wrong impression. I'm sorry.

No, no, no. It's my fault.

I fucking shouldn't have done that.

I mean,

it's all good.

Um, I'm going to go, though, and I'll, um... I'll see you around?

Yeah, no, yeah.

See you tomorrow?

Yeah.

Well, now's a really good time.

Enjoy some good nutritious food.

Ground you back into your body.

Feel your legs again. Oh, they're coming back slowly, yeah. Thank you for that.

Pleasure. That was good.

Now's also a really good time to reflect any kind of insight, any visions you

might have had along the way. Yeah, I'll go.

Yeah.

I couldn't hear what you just asked.

It's a bit pointless. I'm going to leave you and Glenn to chat. Sure. Thanks,

everyone. All right. Thanks, Tom.

How about you, Glenn?

Oh, yeah, I had a vision, quite a vivid one.

Oh, wow.

Really? It was you,

actually.

Oh, really?

What transpired?

What transpired was you were working on Susan's

heart chakra.

Did that bring anything up for you?

Basically,

you were just...

Massaging her tits.

I see.

Yeah, I see too. I see through the bullshit, mate.

Glenn, it's really common for jealousy to show up at times like this, okay?

I'm not jealous. I'm telling you now that emotions come up with the medicine.

Get some clean, all right, so I can sleep at night, all right? You've been

filling up her tits. I just want to know if you've been filling up her tits.

I can tell you.

With all honesty, everything that transpired during our session was

completely and utterly safe, respectful.

Okay, so what happened? I worked on her heart chakra.

Yeah, I can see it in your eyes. You're a good -looking bloke.

You've got a great jawline. Okay, you've got a great Adam's apple.

Okay? I've got a shit chin. Is this your thing? You get girls in, you get girls

and they lay down.

No. And you go, we're going to start with your heart chakra, then we're going

move down to your pussy chakra.

Listen, Glenn, I think now is a good time for you to leave.

All right? You come into my house, I've welcomed you in. I hear you talk to her

on the phone, okay? She laughs like she never laughs at me. So what's going on

in the sessions?

What's going on in the sessions? This isn't about me.

What is it about? This is about you. No, it's about Susan's tits, mate. It's

about your... It's about Susan's tits and your hands all over them. For your

wife. Show me where the fucking heart chakra is. Show me.

I'll show you where the heart chakra is.

If you agree to leave.

Yeah. Show me where it is and I'll go.

All right.

Glenn. Yeah.

There is the heart chakra.

Okay.

Okay. So... That's the fucking kid chakra.

What the fuck are you doing?

What the fuck are you doing?

I'll come meet up with you boys, yeah?

Guess what I just did?

What? Dropped mushrooms.

Did you?

Yeah. So, how are they?

Oh, so much fun.

Oh, right. So was it spiritual?

Oh, 100%. Like a perspective shift.

And I can see why you love them.

Totally. I get why you do it. Yeah, yeah. And I'd love to do it with you.

yeah, maybe it'll be good if we do it from now on and then you don't have to

deal with the chaos.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, cut the crap, Glenn.

He just called me and said that you've been around there crying uncontrollably

for 20 minutes and screaming about tits.

More than 20 minutes.

And he's banned me from all future sessions. So thank you very much, Glenn.

Sorry, sorry.

Stop saying sorry.

I'm so sick of you saying sorry, Glenn. You were a child.

You, your brother, your father, you're all children. Oh, come on. It's a bit

harsh, isn't it? You take advice from your dad, Glenn.

He's an idiot and a dirty old man.

He's not a dirty old man.

That's not great.

Kids, we're leaving.

Oh, we haven't had roast yet.

Susan.

Oh, I did mushrooms, babe.