Original subtitles

Maybe the world is blind or just a little unkind.

Don't know.

Seems you can't be sure of anything anymore.

Although.

Today, I went to school, came home, had meatloaf.

The meatloaf had onion, celery, green peppers, and little red things in it.

As you can tell, my life is even more boring than my meatloaf.

Touching up on the whole week, Cherry?

No, this is just today's entry.

The gravy on my meatloaf was really exciting.

No, it wasn't. It was brown.

I'm trying to concentrate.

I'm sorry.

Sure, you've been writing forever. You're going to get finger fatigue and

drain.

Well, it's better than motor mouth.

Now, please, I've only written eight pieces. Page of single space.

That's seven and a half pages more than I've written.

Stop trying to read my diary.

I'll be glad to as soon as you tell me what you're writing.

Can't tell you. It's personal.

So?

You've told me personal things before.

That was before.

This is now. Now's different than before.

That's why they're separate words.

I definitely saw the name Jimmy in there. Are you writing about my Jimmy?

not your Jimmy. You know I like him, and that it's almost nearly certain that he

likes me.

What did you write about him?

Hunky, reading other people's diaries is a federal offense.

You want me to call the FBI?

Look!

And when Jimmy asked me about Punky, I had to tell him that... Give me Jack.

You had to tell Jimmy what?

It's none of your business.

It is to my business. It's about me and Jimmy.

It's my diary.

Yeah, but it's my life.

Yeah, but it's my handwriting.

Come on. I'll let you read my diary.

All nine volumes.

Illustrated.

Yeah, with thick pictures of Brandon.

Give up, Punky. I'm going to sleep.

sleep. Bye.

Bye.

Good night.

Good night.

We're simply running out of closet space, Brandon.

But the problem is, the older I get, the harder it is to part with the treasures

I've accumulated.

Ah, memories.

A precious baggage that mortal man doth carry ever.

I think Shakespeare said that.

Oh,

it was Joan Rivers?

Look, Brandon, I started my hat collection with this.

What do you think?

Well, I like it.

You have... no sentiment.

I'm going to get more of my hat.

Henry?

You're right with you. Grab a seat.

If I can find one.

These things are impossible to play.

Brandon, those lessons paid off.

Henry, I don't have all day.

I got a two -for -one sale on at the hardware store. You want to go?

You're cheap.

I can't. I'm busy right now.

Hi,

Henry. New summer outfit?

It's part of all the memorabilia that I'm considering getting rid of.

You're actually throwing away all your junk? Oh, some of it. But my hats mean

much to me.

I got this one on my first tour of duty as merchant seaman in Zanzibar.

Oh, Lord.

And I got this tam -o -shanter when my ship sailed to Scotland.

Oh, Lord.

Oh, Lord.

That's right, I got this yarmulke in Jerusalem.

Shalom, baby.

Henry, get rid of them. They're just taking up valuable space.

Only a pack rat would save old hats, swizzled dicks, and this monstrosity.

Monstrosity? I'll have you know this is an original Xinjiang Yangqing oil lamp

made of Kaopu bamboo.

Well, it's about time you got up.

Are you feeling okay?

Yeah, I just had a little trouble getting to sleep last night.

Where's Sherry? She went upstairs to finish writing something in her diary.

Really? You wouldn't happen to know what she's writing about, would you?

No, I have no idea.

Of course, you do have a right to know. I mean, you are her grandmother, and she

is under 18.

True, but a diary is personal and private.

You really believe that?

No. But Jerry won't let me read it either.

So, Punky, what are your plans today?

Jerry and I are going to meet Margot at the mall.

And then?

And then we'll, like, hang out.

Oh, I see.

Betty, how would you like to have a cup of coffee and, like, hang out?

Sounds good to me.

In fact, I'll give you a couple of donuts, and then you'll really hang out.

Ready to go to the mall?

Yep. Here's your stuff.

Thank you.

So, should we walk or take the bus?

Doesn't matter to me.

Doesn't matter to me either.

Jimmy, are you mad about last night?

Well, you really shouldn't have tried to read my diary.

I know.

I just thought Jimmy's name and went crazy.

Okay. I understand.

So, I promise.

I won't try to read your diary anymore.

All right.

Unless you want me to check your spelling.

Forget it.

Fine. Fine. I'll just go say goodbye to my grandma.

I can't help it. It's about Jimmy.

She'd want me to know what it says.

You're not bringing all that stuff with you, are you?

No, I'm going to take it up to my place. That way you wouldn't be tempted to

sneak another look at my diary.

Cherry, I told you I'm over that. I'm glad.

Be right down.

I'll just put the diary in the key box for safekeeping.

Don't you dare bark a word of this to anyone.

Henry, this stuff is junk. Get rid of it.

Maybe you're right. I know I am. And stop with that stupid grass skirt.

This? If you don't, I'll take a weed whacker, too.

Henry, ask yourself, do you own this stuff or does it own you?

All right, all right. I am being obsessive.

I'll get rid of both boxes.

And don't forget this.

What? My genuine Ching Yang Yang Ching made of cow poo bamboo?

Learn to let go, Warnemot.

Come on.

Okay.

Oh, I know how you feel, boy. It's like losing an old friend.

But trust me.

Once all this stuff is gone, nobody will ever miss it.

I've got to read Sherry's diary before she gets back.

That's untrustworthy and despicable.

You're in it, too.

Quick, where is it?

Hi, girls.

Where's Sherry? We split up at the mall. She's going to meet us here in a little

while. Where are the boxes?

I finally convinced this old pack rat about what all that junk he was

collecting. All of it?

Both boxes?

I hate to admit it, but she was right.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Out? You threw...

The key box?

Everything.

May it rest in peace in the dumpster. Isn't it great?

Mom,

we've got to hurry up. Harry will be back at four.

Come on, Fallon.

You can't possibly be talking to me.

You're the only other one here.

I am not one of the little rascals.

You said all I had to do was be the lookout.

And that's all I intend to do.

Whatever you say.

cube.

You tricked me, Brewster.

Margo, if I don't get Sherry's diary back, she's gonna kill me. And let's

it, you can't afford to lose any friends.

There's a point.

Help me throw through the stuff.

Pretend it's a scavenger hunt.

What's that noise?

It's probably just a passing truck.

We're incoming garbage.

This is it.

Hands down, this is the most disgusting situation you've ever dragged me into.

Margo, I'm sorry, but... I remember the time you forced me to hijack a pig.

And the time I was covered in a rash from buying your beauty products.

But this?

Disgusting caper!

Look, Marvel, I feel...

trash. How do you know that?

Here's his mail.

Poor guy.

And they said he's a confirmed bachelor, so he's lonely a lot of the time.

Not all of the time.

Okay, let's find that diary.

We haven't got much time.

Let her be good.

And when Jimmy asks me about Punky, I had to tell him that she's two -faced

snobby. Ooh, this is good.

She's also boring, dumb, and the worst dresser in Chicago.

She's got you nailed there.

I can't believe this. She's supposed to be my best friend.

She doesn't... leave much for your enemies to say about you.

No wonder she didn't want to show it to me.

I'm going upstairs and give her a piece of my mind.

You go ahead. I'm going to go home and get steam cleaned.

Come on!

Don't try to change the subject. You, you, you, you, you, you.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about this.

A banana peel?

No, no.

I mean this.

My diary.

How'd you get that?

Doesn't matter how I got it. It's what's in it that bothers me. That's really

low, Punky. Some best...

To me about Punky, I had to tell him that she's two -faced and snobby. Punky,

you... Or would a best friend write this?

She's also boring, dumb, and the worst dresser in Chicago.

Punky, you... Or would a best friend write this?

And worst of all, you're incredibly nosy, and that's how I know you're

this right now.

Huh?

Keep reading.

And since I knew you wouldn't leave it alone... I made this fake diary to teach

you a lesson.

Boy, is my face red.

Yeah. What is it? Spaghetti sauce?

Do you want to read the real diary?

No, I shouldn't really.

Hey, suit yourself.

Put a few in there.

And when Jimmy asked me about Punky, I told him that, one, she's much too good

for you.

And two, she's the best possible friend anyone could have.

And three, she's loyal.

And four, she's trustworthy.

And... Gee, Cherry, this is so good, it's embarrassing.

I'm a 10!

Actually, you're a 23.

You're continued on the next page.

I'm sorry, Cherry.

I've learned my lesson.

I'll never let my curiosity turn me into a monster again.

Good, Tonkinstein.

There's one thing I don't understand.

It was so good all along.

Why didn't you want me to read it?

Well, you know, writing all that gushy stuff, it was embarrassing.

You're the best.

Tonkin? What?

You're getting spaghetti sauce in my ear.

Hello, girl.

I keep what's happened to you. You look like you've been in the dumpster.

It's a long story.

Come in.

Hi, everyone.

Come on, Jerry. Let's get cleaned up for dinner.

My ching -yang -yang ching -lam.

Not anymore.

Now it's my ching -yang -wa -wa -bing -bing -lam.

What do you mean?

Oh, you threw it away.

I just happened to find it in the dumpster.

Now it's Betty's lamp.

You viper. You talked me into throwing it away.

You schnook. You fell for it.

I've been having my eye on this beauty for years.