Original subtitles

Maybe the world is blind or just a little unkind.

Don't know.

Seems you can't be sure of anything anymore.

Although you may be lonely and then

why?

Do these hairs belong to you?

Come on, Brandon.

Lonnie Anderson was never on our couch.

They're here.

Oh, just a second.

Hello? Oh, it's only you.

Well, you're not a... exactly the highlight of my day either.

I'm sorry, Betty. I'm expecting a very important potential client.

Oh. And I guess you won't have time to go to the market.

All the dented can goods are on sale.

You want me to get you some stewed prunes?

Yes, but only if the cans are dented.

Don't worry.

They will be.

Betty, that's dishonest.

Oh, relax, Henry.

Don't pop your goddess.

I'm just returning a hammer that I borrowed from you last week. Oh.

Betty, if I land this job, I'll never have to worry about buying dented cans

again. Oh, what kind of job is it?

Photographing Robert Whitney's birthday party.

Well, who is Robert Whitney?

Haven't you heard of the Witness of Houston?

of them is my favorite singer.

The Whitneys are one of the wealthiest families in the nation.

They're here. Don't say anything stupid.

Mr.

Warnemont, President?

Yes, it is, and I am Henry Warnemont.

Excellent. Master Robert?

This is Master Robert Whitney.

Hi. And I am his social secretary, Charles Cantel.

The pleasure is mine. As well it should be.

Well, don't just stand there.

Haul it in, Chuck.

So far, you've said two things, and they've both been stupid.

This is Betty Johnson. She was just leaving.

Yeah, I'm on my way to the market to get some Denny's canned goods for old Deep

Pockets here.

Oh, I photographed the cans and the light bounces off the desk just... Oh,

baloney.

He saved six cents a can.

Goodbye, Betty.

Oh, make yourselves at home. Please sit down.

Very well.

Wait, Master Robert.

One can't be too careful.

Thank you. I was looking for that.

Hi, boy.

What's your name?

His name is Brandon.

Please, remove that beast immediately. We don't know where its mouth has been.

I like you too, but I don't lick your face.

Hi, everybody.

Oh, this is my daughter, Panky.

This is my turtle, Irving.

Riptide!

Oh, don't worry. Irving's already had his shot.

This is Master Robert Whitney.

Hello.

Social secretary.

Panky, how did you get so dirty?

It's all Irving's fault.

I took him to the park for a swim, and I had to wait in after him.

Okay, go and get cleaned up. I have some important business to discuss with Mr.

Cantrell. Okay, but first I have to wash off Irving. Want to help me, Robert?

Sure. Um, what's that stuff all over Irving?

Pond.

play with any of them.

And I think I own shares in a racehorse, but I've never seen him.

You know, turtle scrubbing is very dangerous.

You mean Irving Bites?

No, I'm using Henry's toothbrush.

Why don't you take off your jacket so it doesn't get wet?

Oh, it's all right. These are my play clothes.

What are you playing, college professor?

Mr. Warramont, the assignment is yours.

Thank you, Mr. Cantrell.

You won't be sorry. I hope not.

Master Robert's birthday party is to be the pre -teen social event of the year.

Only the creme de la creme of Chicago society will be there.

She might be out of her element in a gathering like this.

What do you mean?

Well, let's face it, Mr. Wanamont, your daughter isn't exactly the epitome of

social grace.

She has a few rough edges, but... Well, I do hope you will instruct her in the

proper way in which to comport herself.

Don't worry, Mr. Cantrell. My daughter will comport herself just fine.

I hope so, since your future as a society photographer depends on it.

believe this. You were invited to Robert Whitney's birthday party?

Yep.

The most important event since Princess Di's wedding?

Yep. And I wasn't?

Nope.

But I'm the one with the right clothes, the right breeding, and the right

connections.

I guess you just don't have the right turtle.

Is there no justice in this world?

To rub the Whitney party in my flawless face?

No.

I need to know how to act around fancy, stuck -up people.

After all, you're the most stuck -up person I know.

Thank you.

So will you help me?

I don't know. I should let you be the laughingstock of the party.

See you, Grovel.

Don't worry.

I'll help you learn good manners.

I love a challenge.

Why do I have to learn good manners, too?

I have three good reasons.

Number one, you're my best friend.

Number two, everyone should learn good manners. Number three, if you're not

here, I will strangle her.

I'm off to the studio to clean these lenses for the party.

What are you three up to?

Oh, nothing, Henry. Just girl stuff.

My girl, you look very pretty today.

Thank you, Mr. Warnemoth. And might I add, you look nowhere near as elderly as

you really are.

Thank you.

I think.

Lesson number two, greeting your host.

What's the first thing you say when you arrive at the Whitney's mansion?

I say, great place.

Must have set you back a bundle.

No, no, no, no.

When you greet your host, you say, thank you for inviting me. And might I add,

it's a pleasure to be a guest in your tastefully decorated home.

Next, I shall teach you how to sit.

Oh, we know how to sit, don't we, Cherry?

probably the thing I do best.

walking.

I'll take tears to improve your posture.

Now put a glass of iced tea in each hand and you walk without spilling a...

Come on, Pocky.

Good evening, Mr. Warnemont. Isn't your daughter coming?

She's right here.

Honky, is that you?

Yes, it is, Robert. Thank you for inviting me.

And might I add...

It's a pleasure to be a guest at your tastefully decorated home.

I must say, I am surprised.

You're not the only one.

Frankie, what's going on here?

What do you mean, sir? Oh, you're acting so refined, so elegant.

Nothing like you at all.

Well, you see... Mr. Watermont, shouldn't you be napping away?

Good evening.

Shirley Temple?

No, Punky Brewster.

How droll. I'm in hysterics.

Hello, and my Diane, how are you?

Excuse us, we're busy discussing the market.

Oh, I'm an expert when it comes to the market.

Really? You have any good tips?

Don't buy the Dale Donuts. Their heart is a rock.

All right, children.

Now let's have a nice big smile.

Come on. Say cheese.

That jelly sure is salty.

That's not jelly. It's caviar.

Caviar?

Yeah. You know, fish eggs.

Don't you like it?

Uh, it's magnificent.

I'll take the rest home.

I'm getting some terrific shots here.

I think the witness will be very pleased with my work.

That's great, Henry.

This is nothing.

My birthday party next week will put this one to shame.

Oh, if you're looking for a good photographer, I'm Henry Warnemont, at

service. Well, if Scabullo isn't available... Oh, he isn't. He's doing a

haven't had a chance to talk to you.

How's Irving doing?

How trolls.

Forget Irving. He's a mere tortoise.

Would you like to get to your turtle pond?

I couldn't possibly.

I might soil my frock.

What's gotten into you?

Fish eggs.

No.

I mean you're different.

good different.

You're not the same Punky I met the other day.

Why are you dressed like that and acting so phony?

So I can fit in and be like everybody else.

Punky, the reason I invited you here is because you weren't like everyone else.

Really? That's right.

I like the old you a whole lot better.

But I have to do this for Henry. It's real important to him.

Yeah.

I know what you mean. I'm always doing stuff that adults want me to.

Come along, Master Roberts, who should be attending to your more important

guests.

I'm starving.

Have you tasted the food yet, Frankie?

Yeah, it's incredibly weird.

You were responsible.

I'm sorry, Charles.

It's my fault. I was the one who was hungry.

Mr. Wanamon, perhaps we could avoid further incidents if your daughter would

wait in the kitchen with the help.

What? Let's be honest.

Once a ragamuffin, always a ragamuffin.

Don't talk about my daughter like that. Oh, come now. Anyone can see that she

doesn't belong with well -bred children.

These aren't children.

They're little stockbrokers in children's bodies.

You, sir, are a bozo.

I demand that you both leave immediately.

With pleasure.

Come on, Panky, let's blow this mausoleum.

Sorry, I messed it up.

It wasn't your fault.

You were only trying to help me.

I've been more refined. More ladylike.

I don't want you to be anything but yourself.

My, you. Just the way you are.

Okay? Okay.

Thanks, Henry.

Robert, I want to apologize. I thought I asked you to leave. You have absolutely

ruined this party.

Charles, put a sock in it.

You lost a root.

They didn't ruin my party. You did.

I did?

Powerful stiffs.

Charles, go call my father and ask him for something.

Ask him for what?

A reference.

Punky, I wish my party could have been more fun.

Well, I have an idea that might liven things up.

I don't know if we should do it.

Would Charles hate it?

Yeah.

Then what are we waiting for?