Original subtitles

Maybe the world is blind or just a little unkind.

Don't know.

Seems you can't be sure of anything anymore.

Although.

You sure do look handsome, Mr. Warnemont.

Yeah, and that bow tie makes you look ten years younger.

Don't try to butter me up.

I don't know how I let you girls talk me into this.

Henry, it's just a date.

A blind date.

Trust me.

You're going to love Ms. Maytag.

She's the best.

school librarian we've ever had.

A librarian?

I bet she looks like a librarian, too.

No, she's really cute.

Come on, be honest.

It's kennel -ration time, right?

Then you take her out.

How old is this Ms. Hotpoint?

Ms. Maytack, and I don't know exactly how old she is. But she's younger than

you. Of course everybody is.

Cherie.

We fixed you guys up because you have so much in common.

She likes books. You like books.

She likes boring music. You like boring music.

And guess what her hobby is?

Tracking down helpless men.

No, photography.

Oh.

Great, an amateur photographer.

Please, Henry, just give it a chance.

Spanky, the last successful blind date was Adam and Eve.

The only reason they had a good time was because of the way they were dressed.

Hi.

Where's your little dainty fool, Henry?

I should have known you'd come around and gloat.

No way.

I come to offer my sympathy.

Oh, thank you.

Not to you.

To her.

Just what I need.

Jokes from someone whose last date picked her up on a dinosaur.

Oh, yeah. I get lots of offers from guys at the hospital.

Sure. But those men are heavily sedated.

That must be Ms.

Spindry.

Hi, Punky. Hi, Cherry.

And you must be Henry.

I must be Henry.

Enchanté, Miss Maytag.

Call me Camille.

Camille. What a lovely name.

Thank you.

You don't know how anxious I've been to meet you.

Just let me get my car keys and I'll take you to lunch.

Why don't we go on my hog?

Your hog?

Her motorcycle.

Get with it, Henry.

Oh, that'll be great.

I haven't been on a hog in days.

You monkeys ready for lunch?

Yeah, this matchmaking stuff sure makes me hungry.

Everything makes you hungry.

Cherry, wouldn't it be nice if your grandma had a guy in her life again?

Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?

Yep, we'll find the perfect date for your grandma.

After all, we did it for Henry.

you little monsters up.

We're going to find you a date.

Oh, no, you're not.

Oh, yes, we are.

And we knew you'd say that. Yeah, Henry resisted at first, too. But ever since

we fixed him up, he's been a totally different guy.

Henry? Different?

I find that hard to believe.

Celebrate the good times have come.

Celebrate good times. Come on.

Celebrate good times.

Well, I realize Louise's acting is a little... Pathetic.

we knew wanted to go out with you.

One guy said he couldn't wait to meet her. Remember the crossing guard, Mr.

Dwarfman? Mr.

Dwarfman? What's he like?

Bad.

He got hit by a truck yesterday.

Oh, that's a terrible thing.

Yeah, bad timing.

But don't worry, we bought a copy of Dave's...

believe how many great guys advertise in here.

We circled a couple good ones.

Sophisticated foreign gentleman wants to stay in the United States.

Will marry anyone.

Well, I'm terribly flattered, but I'll pass.

You're right. You don't need a mercy marriage.

Girls, I don't want a date.

I found the love of my life once, and now that Grandpa's gone... The next one

will have to find me.

That's perfect!

What's perfect?

That you want a guy to find you.

Watch this.

Well, Derek, it's time for you to choose. Which of our three single

will be your dream date come true?

Wait a minute.

Are you little scamp suggesting that I go on that show?

Yeah. It's our best idea.

It's also our last idea.

Well, forget it. The contestants on Dream Date are hot, undignified,

and... Derek is cute.

A definite babe.

If you go on that show, you'll get a babe, too.

You think so?

Uh -uh.

No way.

If there's one thing I can't stand is someone making a complete fool of

themselves.

Born to be wise.

Born to be wise.

In the name of all that season, please, Henry, stop it.

I'm sorry.

I'm just in such a great mood.

How do you like my threads?

They're hot.

But you forgot to buy socks.

Socks are out.

And so is your pilot life.

Camille thinks my ankles are sexy.

I think she's right.

I'm growing a macho stubble.

Does it remind you of Miami Vice?

No. Miami Life.

What's in the basket, Henry?

A life support system?

Picnic. Maybe January, but I feel a heat wave coming on.

That's no heat wave.

At your age, you're having hot flashes.

Betty, ordinarily I would smite you with my rapier -like wit.

But love has mellowed me out.

Maybe you too one day will find your perfect person.

Maybe not today or tomorrow.

Next day or next week or next month or year.

I'm not taking that from him.

Dream date, here I come.

Is it time?

Yep. Henry, the show's coming on.

Great. I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Celebrate good times. Come on.

most exciting and romantic game show, Dream Date.

Let's welcome the host of Dream Date, the Prince of Johnny's,

Johnny Prince!

Thank you very much. All right, first, let's meet our three dream girls.

Dream girl number one is an astrologer. Please welcome Aquaria LaRue.

Dream girl number... Yeah, sit right down.

Dream girl number two is a beautician, Shirley Toops.

You bet.

And dream girl number three is a registered nurse, Betty Johnson.

One of our three lucky ladies will be chosen to spend an exciting, fun -filled

evening with our dream guy.

From Arlington Heights, a test pilot who moonlight as a stump double for Mr.

T. His hobbies are motorcycle racing, mountain climbing, and hang gliding.

have a big dream date welcome for our dream dude, Chuck McKinley.

What's that nerd doing there?

Hopefully fitting dream girl number three.

So, Chuck, you are a test pilot.

Not really. I've never been on a plane. I test gravity stress machines for the

astronauts. You've probably seen me on the news.

No, I don't remember.

Now you recognize me? Yes.

Of course.

Oh, what an exciting guy, ladies.

That guy is my type.

Really? How do you know?

He's breathing, isn't he?

Now, Chuck, we have three lovely ladies just waiting to answer your every

question. But first, let's hear them each say hello.

Number one.

Number one.

That's you, honey.

Sorry, I lost count.

Hello, Chuck.

And number two, let's hear you say hello to Chuck.

Hey, baby.

Choose me, honey. These other two bimbos look like six miles of bad road.

Oh, the sparks are starting to fly already.

And number three, please say hello.

Hello, what's up, Chuck?

Oh, I don't mean up, Chuck. I mean, Chuck.

What's that?

Okie dokie, dude. Let the game begin.

Fire when ready, Freddy.

Okay, girls. We are driving down the highway of love.

What road sign best describes how you feel?

Number three?

Slow down. Curves ahead.

Number two?

Slippery when wet.

Number one?

Welcome to Cleveland.

Gee, I'll figure that out later.

Number three, I like beautiful women. How would you describe yourself?

Well, I'd like to think of myself as attractive.

You can think all you want.

Just don't go near a mirror.

Now, that's not nice.

Just because we're going after the same guy doesn't mean we can't be friends.

Shut up, turkey lips.

Ladies, ladies, simmer down.

Chuck, just leap in here with a question whenever you're ready.

Number one, I like to curl up in front of the fireplace with a good book of

poetry. Can you make me a love poem?

Uh -huh.

Roses are red, violets are blue. If you choose me, maybe we could go bowling or

something.

Hey, blank verse.

Okay, number two.

If number three was an hors d 'oeuvre, what would she be?

Chopped liver.

Number three, if number two was an hors d 'oeuvre, what would she be?

A pig in a blanket.

A pig?

Well, if the oink fits.

Wait, wait, wait.

Isn't this fun?

Yes, of course.

Yeah, it's fun.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Didn't I hear the time buzzer?

Oh, by golly, yes, there it is. How time is flying here.

Well, the time is up, Chuck.

Time for you to choose.

Will it be dream girl number one?

Number two?

Or number three?

Pick three!

dream girl, Chuck.

She is a registered nurse who raises temperatures wherever she goes.

Please say hello to Betty Johnson.

Oh, my Lord.

She's just a little shy, Chuck. That's all right. Come on. I'm yours, baby.

your grandma for their dream date? She says she doesn't really care, as long as

it's not out in public.

Well, at least we did a good job with Henry.

Come on.

I'll pop for a popsicle.

Are you sure you're all right?

Fine. I just didn't know your hog could go that fast.

You're just angry because I jumped that hedge.

You could have warned me.

Loosen up, Hank.

I've told you a hundred times, I'm a Henry, not a Hank.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

We shouldn't quarrel on the eve of my departure.

I'll call you as soon as I get back from Kenya.

Really have to go all the way to Africa?

Duty calls.

I can't pass up that photo assignment for Wildebeest weekly.

You don't know when you'll be back.

You know, Wildebeest, they're so shy.

It might take months to get that centerfold.

Love ya.

Kenya?

Wildebeest?

I had to think of something to get her out of my life.

What happened?

Yes, I thought so too at first.

Then I realized I was just plain crazy.

Camille tried to change me into something I'm not.

Well, no more.

Now on, it's back to cardigans, sweaters, and bow ties.

My ankles are freezing.

Sorry things didn't work out.

And the way I behaved.

And money I spent on these clothes.

My one consolation is that you embarrass Betty even more than me.

Right now she's stuck with a date with Shamu, the killer nerd.

Kryptonite fantastic.

We stomped on it and beat it to a pulp.

Isn't he something?

Yes. But what?

Well, got a waddle. Hey, I'll see you tomorrow, Betty.

I'll pick you up at eight for a very special date.

Long time since I felt that way.

Come on, honey. Let's go home.

Okay. I have all those chores to finish. Oh, forget the chores.

I'm going to make you a hot fudge sundae and tell you all about my date. All

right.

Love you.

I'm sorry the thing didn't work out with you and Miss Maytag.

So am I.

Don't worry. I have a backup list.

Sonata is going to be perfect for you. You're going to love the Widow

Forget it.