Original subtitles

Maybe the world is blind.

Or just a little unkind.

Don't know.

Seems you can't be sure.

Of anything anymore.

Although.

You.

It happens to be a magnificent opera.

Opera? We thought you were torturing cats in here.

Look at that lady.

She's wearing an iron bra.

Boy, that must be cold.

It helps her hit the high notes.

How did you girls get so filthy?

Except maybe new blue cheer?

Punky made the game -winning catch.

Spud hit a high fly to deep left.

Punky leaped over the tractor tires, slid through a mud puddle, and speared

One hand!

Just before she fell into a trunk of old, rusted -out Studebaker.

Taste the cake.

I don't want you playing in that empty lot. It's dangerous.

Why don't you play in the park?

The closest park is five miles away.

Hey! What if they turn that vacant lot into a park?

Tunky, it's not that simple.

It takes a politician to make a park.

Why don't we hire President Carter?

He needs a job.

That's not the way it works. First, we have to draft a citizen's petition.

Too bad. I'm too young and you're too old.

For what?

For the draft.

That's not what I meant.

First we make a request for the park.

Then we choose a spokesperson to present it to the city council.

But who's going to be the spokesperson?

Oh, we'll ask Mrs. Johnson. She has a loud mouth.

I mean, she's very articulate.

She can't. She's on an emergency call for the hospital this month.

In fact... I'm the emergency call for the kitchen.

I have to make her dinner.

Bye!

Well, Henry, I guess that leaves it up to you.

Leaves what up to me?

Being to the council.

Oh, sorry, I can't.

Why not?

I have to photograph the... Halley's Comet.

But Halley's Comet won't be back for another 75 years.

A good photographer prepares.

Henry, something tells me that you're not telling me something.

Sit down, Frankie.

I have to reveal something that may come as a big shock to you.

What is it?

I am... not perfect.

Yes, I have faults.

I know that.

You do?

Name one.

You're grumpy, absent -minded, and tight with a buck.

That's three. I only asked for one.

Sorry.

I have another fault that I'm sure you're not aware of. What is it?

I'm terrified of public speaking.

You are?

Henry, I thought you weren't afraid of anything.

Oh, well, generally, I am fearless.

But in high school, I had to make a speech about the bald eagle. I called it

big bald beast in the sky.

Good title.

Unfortunately, the title was all anyone heard.

And I saw those faces staring at me.

My palms got sweaty.

My mouth dried up.

And my voice went up three octaves.

It was horrible.

I'm sorry, Panky. I can't do it.

That's okay.

Who needs a park anyway?

I'll just hang up the old glove, put away the spike, sit around here, get

fat.

And have nine chins.

All right, all right.

I'll make the speech to the city council.

Thanks, Henry. I know you'll be a great speaker.

Of course I will.

You want to hear the opening of my speech one more time?

That's just plain rude.

Hi, Henry. What's up?

My blood pressure. My speech is terrible.

No, it isn't. Oh, yes, it is.

It's boring even for dogs.

Don't worry, Henry. I've got your answer right here.

I picked up this... book at the library, just in case you needed it.

How to get laughed at in public?

Why doesn't that reassure me?

Tell us how to get interesting and funny speeches.

Chapter one, warm up your audience with a joke.

But I don't know any jokes.

I got a great one out of the book.

Mr. and Mrs. Schultz go into a psychiatrist's office, and Mrs. Schultz

Doctor, you've got to help my husband. He thinks he's a dog.

The doctor turns to the man and says, Have a seat on the couch.

And Mrs. Schultz says, He's not allowed on the couch.

That's funny.

But does the book say how to handle paralyzing hot... Stopping fear?

Yeah, there's a whole chapter on this.

See, here's a cartoon of a guy wearing rubber underwear.

Ooh, I'll see you later.

We've all read the report.

All in favor of increasing the retirement benefits for city workers?

Aye.

Opposed?

Motions carried.

He is so cute.

Cherry, he's too old.

He's got to be at least 20.

No wonder he's so interested in retirement benefits.

Well, that takes care of the city's business for this evening.

And now it's time to lend an attentive ear to our most important concern, the

citizens of Chicago.

That's you, Henry.

I know. Look, my palms are sweating.

Now, before we begin, may I remind everyone that Public Access TV will be

televising at this time.

It is our pleasure to open the floor to anyone who wishes to speak.

I'd like to propose that the council members get a whopping raise in

salary.

Sit down, Mother.

This is not the proper time.

Well, when is the proper time?

You promised me a snowblower.

Anyone else?

Please.

Here goes nothing.

Ladies and Council of the Gentlemen.

That's just plain silly. I meant... What I meant was... Hit

them with a joke, Henry.

Right.

When I look around the room, I'm reminded of the...

Couple who went to the psychiatrist's office.

The name was Schultz.

The couple, not the psychiatrist.

I don't know his name.

Or her name. Let's make it a hymn.

Mr. Schultz, Warnemont, the council is not interested in hearing jokes, if

that's what that was.

And now do you mind getting on with it?

Oh, yes, of course.

I'm here to strongly... that this distinguished body

establish my proclamation for the children

of our neighborhood.

Mr.

Wernimont, are you all right?

Beckmeyer, he reminds me of the bald eagle.

It's high school all over again.

Now, see here, Mr.

Warnermont, there are other citizens waiting.

Oh, I know, Mr. Baldmeyer.

I mean, Beckmeyer.

But I'm not feeling quite well. Maybe if you put on a hat?

What? I'm feeling a little queasy. Where's the little councilman's room?

It's right down the hall.

Is it okay if I leave?

All in favor of his leaving, I...

to make you some tea?

Sure, Punky.

Go ahead and make some tea while I cover up all the mirrors.

Why would you do that?

I never want to look at myself again.

Pardon yourself.

It wasn't that bad.

It was horrible.

All my friends saw me choke on television.

Come on, nobody watches that city council stuff.

Hello?

No, this is not the residence of Choke Warnemont.

Nobody watches, huh?

Henry, I know you think you really bombed out tonight, and you did.

But this turned out to be very lucky for us.

Lucky?

Yeah, when you were in the bathroom, I made our speech for the park. And let's

face it, they loved me.

Who wouldn't?

Isn't that great?

I'm very happy for you.

I can't wait till next week.

Next week?

Yeah, that's when they'll give us approval on the park.

I'll make another stirring speech.

You're going to write a speech?

Nah, I'll just wing it.

Henry, don't forget how bad you were real quick.

I hope so.

Good night, Frankie.

Good night, Henry.

Hey, there's Choke Wernemont.

Steve! Steve!

And so, I feel the extra traffic lights will save lives and benefit the entire

community. Yeah, way to go!

Way to go, Cherie.

What a quirky man.

Now, remember, Punky, I'm not going to say one word.

You don't have to. We're just going to get the good news, go home, and

celebrate.

Now, next on the agenda... Listen, what about my snowblower?

Sit down, Mrs. Beckmeyer.

Our next order of business is the vacant lot on the corner of Pierce and Pulaski

Streets. That's us. So when do we start growing grass and putting down the

basin?

We appreciate your enthusiasm, Ms. Brewster, and we are considering your

petition for a park.

However, there's another fine citizen of Chicago who's been working very hard on

his own plans for this lot, and we've agreed to let him voice his point of

views, too.

That's the democratic way.

Yeah, I guess.

That's a good attitude.

Mr. Arnold?

Oh, thank you.

I hope the council's had a chance to read our land use and development study.

We certainly have, Mr. Arnold. Well, good. The General Casimir Pulaski

Shopping Center, honoring that famous Polish -American patriot, has been

meticulously planned.

Casimir would have been proud.

Cashmere?

I think he's the guy that invented sweaters.

And now, if I may.

I'd like to remind the council that I'm paying the city well over appraised

value for that lot.

Plus those wonderful taxes when we open.

Thank you very much for your valuable time.

Oh, and please enjoy those free Casper coupon books.

Oh, dry cleaning.

Is the council ready for a vote?

Good. Now, all those in favor of the Casimir Pulaski Memorial Shopping

Aye.

Opposed? Me.

Wait a minute here.

What about our park? When do we vote for that?

Miss Brewster, we must think about the economics.

Now, a shopping center will generate jobs and revenue. A park will generate

grass and weeds.

We must consider the highest and best use of this land.

What do you mean, highest and best use?

You promised us a park.

Yeah. I'm sorry, but the council has voted. So I hereby declare... Hold it.

I have something to say.

It's right down the hall.

I have something to say, and I'm going to say it, if not to the council, then

the concerned citizens of Chicago.

Unless you consider this to be your own private club, sir.

Why, of course not.

Every citizen in Chicago is entitled to express opinion.

In the last few weeks, I made a disturbing discovery.

I found out that my daughter is an underprivileged child.

She is deprived of her God -given right to play shortstop without sliding into

broken glass or into a rusty Studebaker.

I invite any one of you to drive through our neighborhood. What will you find on

every corner?

This man's sign.

Coming soon, another minimart, courtesy of Arnold.

Featuring chicken on the stick, chicken on fire, chicken all night.

I got into your dad.

I don't know, but it sure isn't chicken.

Folks, we're swamped with shopping centers, aren't we?

And the traffic that comes with them, right?

You've had it up to here with the extra trash, the extra noise, and the extra

crime. Let this council know.

Give me the sights and sounds of children playing.

Show me grass and flowers blooming.

Let me hear the songs of birds nesting in the trees.

Friends, it's time that we stop thinking that the highest and best use of

Chicago real estate is filling your pockets. It is time to fill our soul.

Sir, we will take your comments under advisement.

And certainly by next week, we will have... Let's take it to a vote!

All

in

favor of the creation of Pulaski Park?

Aye. Opposed?

Motion carried. Miss Brewster, you can start oiling up your baseball glove.

I was?

Yeah, you gave a terrific speech.

Speech? Me?

Oh, my.