Original subtitles

Maybe the world is blind or just a little unkind.

Don't know.

Seems you can't be sure of anything anymore.

Although.

Be honest.

How do I look?

I'll try again.

Betty, be diplomatic. How do I look?

I'm tired of you belittling the benevolent order of buffaloes.

I'm proud to be a Bob.

Well, I'm proud to be a Betty, but I don't walk around with an animal on my

head.

Why have I been summoned, your imperial horniness?

Mrs. Johnson, when you regain your composure, we'll discuss the annual

fundraiser. Are you going to want me to sell buffalo kisses again?

Yes, but this year we'll see if we can get them to pay you.

Actually, we needed a nurse, so I volunteered your services for our blood

pressure station.

Fine. I'm curious to see if you bobs have any blood pressure.

Maintain that attitude, and your dance card will be empty at the bison bop.

The bison bop? Yes.

That's when we really let down our horns.

Mr. Deaton offers me a ride, I'm walking.

Same here.

He shouldn't have been driving.

But he's Joey's dad.

And we can't tell an adult what to do.

Think it's a federal law.

I'll tell Henry.

He'll know what to do. He's always sensible.

Tell her to say that.

No, but I wish to have.

Come on, kid.

And step carefully.

We're in Buffalo country.

Henry, there's something really important that I want to talk to you

You finally decided to become a junior bisonette.

I'm not quite ready for that yet.

Oh. Okay.

What I have to talk to you about is real important, too.

Stop it.

Hello. Hello.

Hi. Henry, old buddy.

Put him there, old pal.

Hoof to hoof. Horn to horn.

X -Day. Henry A.

Not in front of the uninitiated.

Oops. Sorry, kids.

If an elder bison saw us, we could lose our horns.

You jumped out. car so fast you forgot your jacket.

Punky, did you tell your dad about your ride home today?

Uh, I was just going to.

A little crazy, wasn't it?

A little.

Henry, I am breaking in a brand spanking new red convertible.

I couldn't resist letting it out.

Will you take me for a spin sometime?

What about right now? We could all burn a little rubber around the neighborhood.

No?

Not right now, okay?

No problem. We'll cruise later in the week.

Come on, Joey, you can drive home.

No kidding?

Well, I'll let you honk the horn.

Got you, sir. Got you good.

Isn't he a great guy?

It sounds like you really like him a lot.

Oh, yes. He's young, energetic, full of life.

I'm old, tired, full of prunes.

Mike makes me feel 20 years younger.

Now, what was that you wanted to talk to me about?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing?

You said it was very important.

It is important. It's important that I try on your buffalo hat.

How do I look?

Why, George, that is a silly hat.

He was such a good friend.

After he left, I just didn't feel right saying anything.

Wise move.

You don't want to get a grown -up mad at you.

Especially a drunk one.

Don't worry about Joey.

His dad drives him around all the time.

You think I should talk to Joey about this?

I don't know, Punky.

Don't worry. I'm pretty good at that, honestly, son.

Remember when I gave our gym teacher a breath mint?

Yeah, she made you do 50 extra sit -ups. Right?

But I didn't have to hold my breath while I was doing them.

I still think it's a mistake.

Don't worry, Joey will understand. He's a pervert. Just say no, Club.

And if we don't say anything and he gets hurt, it'll be our fault.

You're absolutely right.

Good luck.

Good luck nothing. You're coming with me.

Couldn't I just say... No.

talk to you about your dad.

What about my dad?

Well, yesterday he was driving kind of funny, and I could smell beer on his

breath.

Grown -ups can drink beer if they want to. It's part of being grown up.

Yeah, but you're not supposed to drink and drive.

Look, my father knows what he's doing.

Besides, who died made you the road warrior.

I just... I thought the drive home yesterday was a little scary.

Sherry, were you scared?

Uh, only when my eyes were open.

You see?

Look for them as goody -two -shoes. You're lucky we gave you a ride at all.

I'm not saying anything against your father. I was just worried about you.

I had too much to drink.

I am as dry as the proverbial bone.

What's in the old watering hole?

You got any brewskis?

No, but I have iced teaskis.

You and Grandma Moses.

Mike, I asked you to come over because Punky and Joey have had some kind of a

fight. I know.

Joey won't tell me what it's about, but he is really down on Punky.

Punky wouldn't say either.

And I could tell that it was really bothering her.

How about if we pile them into my new convertible tomorrow and drive them out

Six Flags Amusement Park? We'll throw them on a couple of rides, shake them

They'll be friends together again in no time. Oh, that's a good idea. I was

going to treat them to an afternoon of puccini.

We'll do that later.

Joey loves Italian food.

Hi, Punky.

Hello, Mr. Deaton.

Put on your party sneakers, kid.

We're going to have some fun tomorrow.

So long, Henry. Bye, Mike.

Party sneakers?

Mr. Deaton and I thought it would be really fun to go to Six Flags tomorrow.

Just the two of you?

Of course not.

With you and Joey.

Mr. Deaton will take us in his new convertible.

I don't know, Henry.

Wouldn't Puccini be more fun?

Frankie, when I mentioned Puccini before, you went...

Funky, what is going on here?

I'm afraid to be in a car that Mr. Deaton's driving.

Afraid? Why?

Because of the last time.

Remember when he drove Cherry and me home from school?

Yes.

He'd been drinking beer and he drove real crazy.

It scared us.

Did you actually see him drinking?

No. I could smell it.

The way he drove, we could tell.

Frankie, when you accuse people of things, you have to have proof.

The fact that you thought you smelled beer isn't enough.

What you smelled could have been new upholstery.

I know what upholstery smells like. This wasn't upholstery. This was Miller

time.

Maybe he was having trouble adjusting to his new car.

You don't believe me.

It's not that I don't believe you, Punky.

Couldn't it be possible that you were mistaken?

I guess anything's possible.

Well, then.

I think a good friend deserves the benefit of the doubt.

Mike and Joey are going to pick us up any minute. Are you ready to go?

I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

Monkey.

I made out my will.

I left everything to you and Brian.

Sorry, Henry, but he wanted my Madonna tape.

Thank you.

You look ridiculous.

Speaking of ridiculous, what about those knees?

You better wear this. I'll give you some protection.

I am not going to wear this, and you are not going to wear that.

Pretty smart of you not to smile all the way over here. You didn't get one bug

in your teeth.

Well, that's better.

Okay, now go up there and get Punky.

Do I have to?

Yeah. If you do, I'll let you ride the roller coaster till you throw up.

Gee, thanks, Dad.

How you doing there, fella?

You thirsty? Want a cold brew?

You want the last sip?

Obviously a light beer drinker.

I'm only human.

Sorry it took so long, Mike.

Funky couldn't decide what to wear.

Yeah, women.

You can't live with them and you can't live with them.

Look at that car.

What a beauty.

Isn't it, Funky?

Nice. It's better than nice.

It's the greatest.

Okay, you two happy kids. Jump in the back.

Henry will ride shotgun.

You two can be sawed -off shotguns.

Beer? Yeah, that butt's for you, Henry.

A little earlier for beer, isn't it, Mike?

Sun's up.

I hit the wiper.

can jumped right out in front of me.

Must have had a suicide pact with the garbage.

Tell him to jump out there and check for damage so we can get going.

You'll be going without us, Mike.

Funky, get out of the car.

Okay, Henry.

What's wrong?

You've been drinking.

You'll sure be behind a wheel.

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey, Henry.

I had one beer.

Takes more than one beer to waterlog a buffalo.

Henry, come on. Get back in the car.

We're too good of friends for this kind of bull.

Yes, we are good friends.

And for that reason, I wish you would get out, too.

This is ridiculous.

Come on, Joey. We'll go without him.

Close the door, please.

Henry!

Dad, I'm not going either.

Mutiny on the Mustang?

It's just a trash can.

It's not the trash can, Dad. You've had too much beer.

All right, sit down, Joey. I'm not fooling around.

I'm sorry, Dad. I don't want to make you angry, but I'm walking home.

Okay.

Let's ease up.

You want to walk?

Walk.

Nothing like an early morning walk with your son to clear your head.

You mind if I park here?

Couldn't be happier about it.

Henry.

I'm sorry.

I'll see you tomorrow.

We'll deal with this together.

Is he going to be okay?

I think so.

Mike realizes he needs help.

He's lucky to have a good friend like you.

Hmm.

Funky.

You did the right thing coming to me about this.

I wish I'd been a little more receptive.

From now on, I want you to feel perfectly free to express your opinion

absolutely anything.

Really? Of course.

Then I think there is something that should be said. What's that?

Burn those shorts.