Original subtitles

Maybe the world is blind or just a little unkind.

Don't know.

Seems you can't be sure of anything anymore.

I did that, I ended up with a water balloon on my head.

Please, Mrs. Johnson, we want to show you a Halloween costume.

Oh, all right.

But this better be a treat and not a trick.

Merlin the Magician!

You three make quite a trio.

We got a hot shot, a hot and tight, and a whatnot.

I wish Henry was here to see us. What's he getting back?

Lord only knows.

That man's got the worst case of curfew I ever saw.

I bet he got the best season really filled.

Henry, are you all right?

I'm alive, clinically speaking.

What happened?

I was sure I'd get tickets by going there 17 hours before the box office

Unfortunately, 5 ,000 other people got there.

18 hours before the box office opened.

Henry, you look exhausted.

Sit down before gravity wins.

What an experience.

When I took my place in line, I found myself sandwiched between a stevedore

a gentleman who introduced himself as Ekron, a Venus.

At midnight, we were all treated to a recitation of Casey at the Bat by a 96

-year -old woman wearing only a slip.

Well, did you come close to getting tickets?

Close enough to see the man ahead of me buy the last two.

Oh, honey, that's awful.

I haven't even got to the awful part yet.

I was willing to take defeat graciously, but it's impossible to be gracious when

the crowd is using you as a battering ram to break into the box office.

Well, you tried, Henry.

Besides, I always say the best... seats in the house are right in front of your

own TV set.

Have you lost your mind?

It's been 39 years since the Cubs had a chance to get to the World Series and I

want to watch them in Wrigley Field.

Well, if you feel that way, why didn't you buy season tickets?

I had them.

For 38 losing seasons, I had them.

This year, I decided to save myself the money and the aggravation. And what

happens? What happens?

They go to the playoffs.

They go to the playoffs.

I won't be there to see them.

Come on, Cleo. Let's go upstairs. I hate to see a grown man cry.

I don't. Can I stay and watch?

Careful.

Didn't I see you in line?

Henry, it's my bedtime, not yours.

I know, but I'm desperate for this day to end.

Henry, you've got to snap out of this. It's only a game.

Punky, the Cubs are in the playoffs.

There's no way they can lose to the Padres. That means the Cubs will go to

World Series. That's history in the making.

A bunch of guys hitting a ball is history?

It looks more like recess to me.

One autumn day at Wrigley Field when I was about your age, I witnessed

one of the greatest events in baseball history.

You did?

It was the third game of the World Series.

The Cubs against the Yankees. Fifth inning.

The score was four to four when the babe stepped up to the plate.

The babe? Who's she?

Not she. He.

Babe Ruth.

Did his parents name him after the candy bar?

Yeah.

Anyway, the babe had two strikes on him.

He pointed the center field bleachers right where I was sitting. And on the

pitch, he smashed a home run right at me.

Holy mackerel!

Did you catch it?

See this bump?

That's where the ball bounced off my skull.

Wow.

I was hoping you'd experience the same thrill this year.

Was the baby there?

No, honey.

He's knocking them over the pearly gates now.

But you can bet that Mr. Cobber will be there.

Ernie Banks.

That's it.

That's how I can get tickets.

Ernie Banks.

I know him. We're buddies.

You know Ernie Banks? You bet I do.

In 1962, I photographed the wedding of Ernie's second cousin.

That made you buddies?

Absolutely.

I walked up to him and said, some wedding, huh?

And Ernie smiled back at me and said, where's the dip?

And then what?

I showed him where the dip was, gangway.

Henry, is this what they call a long shot?

No.

It's what they call a sure thing.

It's ringing.

Hello?

I'd like to speak to Ernie Banks, if you would be so kind.

No.

It's not in reference to playoff tickets. It's in reference to... Ernie's

cousin.

Thank you.

She's going to get him, I tell you.

I can smell the peanuts now.

I photographed your second cousin's wedding back in 62, so how's it going,

Warnimont.

Henry Warnimont.

Don't you remember I showed you the dip?

The clam dip.

Anyway, Earn, you think you could let an old buddy get a couple of seats for one

of the playoff games? Feel free to say no.

There's nothing left to try, Punky.

I can't believe this.

The Cubs are actually going to play without us.

Oh.

Henry, there's something on the radio that will cheer you up.

I don't want to be cheered up. I'm perfectly happy being completely

Okay, all you Cubby fans out there, it's time for our playoff ticket giveaway.

Did you say playoff ticket?

That's right. If you are the 13th caller and you can correctly answer our trivia

question, you'll win two coveted tickets to tomorrow's playoff game.

Turn that up. What did he say the number was?

The number is 555 -WMAQ.

Be the 13th caller and...

5 -5 -5 -W -M -A -Q.

I wish they'd give us numbers. I hate looking for letters.

Hurry!

It's busy. I'll try again.

Gotta get a push button.

It's still busy.

What's the use?

Let me try. I've got funky power.

Funky? Forget it. It's hopeless.

Let's get on with it.

Okay, today's trivia question is a toughie, so you better put on your

cap.

Now, for two tickets to tomorrow's playoff game, can you name the windiest

in the United States?

That's easy. We studied in school.

Quiet, dear. Let little Henry answer.

The windiest city in the United States is the home of the incredible Cubs, that

toddling town, our very own Chicago.

answer. Why didn't you tell me? I did.

Well, why don't you make me listen?

Hey, Mr. Warnemont, I just heard you on the radio.

Boy, I thought everybody knew about Great Falls, Montana.

Go away.

Listen, Mr. Warnemont, Punky asked me to try and find you tickets for the

playoffs, and I think I figured out a way.

Really? Yeah, a scalper.

Forget it.

I detest those low -life creatures. They prey upon a fan's loyalty for profit.

I'll have nothing to do with them.

Gee, that's too bad.

Because I got a scalper waiting outside with tickets to tomorrow's game.

Don't just stand there. Show the gentleman in.

Hey, have no fear.

Lenny the Loop is here.

Lenny the Loop? Yeah, not to be confused with Lakeshore Lenny.

You see, I got more class in my little finger than that scut face we got in

whole operation.

Mr. Luke, would you like some Kool -Aid?

Oh, no thanks, kid. I'm on the critical list at Slenderella.

Gucci Kool -Aid, kid.

All right, let's talk some business. Luke's the name, tickets the game, and

tickets is exactly what Lenny's got.

Ta -da!

I got the Rob Stewart concert, King Tut Exhibition.

Boy, I really took a bath on those, huh?

Hey, how about the Jackson's victory tour?

Henry the Jackson!

Forget it. Forget it.

Okay, we got the Super Bowl, Kentucky Derby, synchronized swimming.

Oh, looky here.

I got two tickets for the National League playoffs for tomorrow's game.

I'll take them. Oh, don't be so grabby, Gramps. You know, money talks or I walk.

How much?

Well, these two tickets are going for $500 apiece on the street.

How much are they going for up here in this apartment?

Thank you, kid. I'll tell you what, as long as the kid is involved, I'll let

have these two tickets for $9 .50.

What? Read my lips.

Mr. Lupe, we're very, very poor. We don't have that much money.

All right, I'll tell you what, kid.

I'll let you have these two tickets for $700, but that's my final offer.

That's still too much money.

Henry, just buy one ticket.

Go to the game without me.

But, monkey.

I know it's a lot of money, but you don't have to buy my medicine this

Doctor says I don't have much time to live anyway.

Oh, bravo.

You ought to be on star search, kid.

I'm buying it.

Okay, we'll give you a hundred bucks for both tickets. Take it or leave it. You

got yourself a deal.

All right. That kid's got real talent. You know, you ought to develop it.

I can't afford to listen.

I feel excused.

Oh, sure, Gramps. Hey, listen. I want you two to have the time of your life.

And by the way, speaking of time, you want to buy a watch?

Okay.

We're going to the game!

Thank you.

Seats 119 and 120.

How many seats are there?

Not for long, they're not. Where are they? Right there.

Pardon me.

Sister. Yes?

Sister Marilyn.

But I think we have a little mix -up here. Oh, look, it's Leon Durham!

Hi, bull!

Here, up here!

Hi!

I'm sorry. You were saying?

I think, sister, that you and your sister -sister are sitting in our seats.

Hey, I'm trying to watch batting practice.

Now move it or lose it, pops.

Excuse me.

That's not a very nice way to talk.

If you don't be quiet, Henry will have to teach you some manners.

You're going to teach me some manners?

My daughter is young and impetuous. Anyone can see that when it comes to

manners, you, sir, wrote the book.

Not a word in it over three letters.

What did you say?

I was admiring your shirt.

Sir, I believe we are sitting in the proper seats. See?

Oh, that's odd.

We both have tickets for the same seats.

has fake tickets.

You could be right, Punchy.

You've been had, sister.

My good man, we got our tickets from the Cardinal's office.

Are you insinuating that his eminence was sold counterfeit tickets?

It's one bone every minute.

Hey, sister, is this old geez hassling you? You want me to hit him for you?

Oh, that won't be necessary, my son.

I think that you should look at the date on your stuff.

National League Championship, October 1884.

Slightly strong century.

Boy, if you can't trust Lenny Baloo, who can you trust?

You can't trust scalpers, period.

You should have known better.

Sister Bernadette, I believe these people have learned their lesson.

should offer them our seat.

Get real, sister.

prevent me from seeing this game.

Here we sit, and here we shall remain.

Look, let me level with you.

My daughter is dying to see this game.

For me, it's no big deal.

But for her, it's the dream of a lifetime.

Well, I'll tell you what. This adorable little girl is welcome to sit on my lap.

How about me?

Oh, excuse me.

My daughter seems to have left me.

Can't say that I blame her.

Henry!

Don't ever wander away like that. I was worried sick.

Now my wrinkles are going to have wrinkles.

And your butt's going to have blisters if you don't get out of here.

We have found us some seats.

What? I met these really nice people and they said we could sit with them.

I don't know much about baseball, so they may be lousy seats.

At least we can watch the game.

Lead me to them. At this point, I settle for the lousiest seats in the park.

Yes.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.