Original subtitles

Mr. Johnson here came to our country with a secret agenda,

to secure a trade deal

to export our Gjelgjiughm coffee.

Gjelgjiughm will never engage in a coffee trade deal

with the United States.

I can't believe we're going back home without a deal.

Hey, it was always a long shot.

Look at it this way.

We got to see a new country and meet some lifelong friends.

Randall, you've made zero friends on this trip.

But I did get to spend a solid day in the museum.

Learned a ton about Cannibal's Peak.

The things those soccer players did to survive...

They had these life-sized dioramas...

Hey, listen.

You tried your best.

You have no experience in international diplomacy.

The president just threw you in there.

People train for years to prepare

for a situation like that.

I know.

It's just, getting back into the political arena

and failing... again.

It's frustrating, putting in the work

and still feeling completely out of my element.

And honestly, it reminds me of when I first started acting.

I was now one of the top wrestlers in the country,

and with that distinction came new opportunities.

Bubbles, nice, Vince.

What's the occasion?

The WWF has never been bigger.

And so much of our success is thanks to you

and all you've brought to the company.

I mean, we literally took one of your catchphrases

and made a whole new show called "SmackDown!"

Thank you, Vince.

It means a lot to hear you say that.

Mm, one sec.

I hate sparkling water. It's unnatural.

Artie, no more bubble water.

I know I requested it.

Maybe we picked the wrong brand.

Is this the one with the trees on the label?

The label says it's from Poland.

Poland?

Artie, I can't be drinking war-torn water.

Okay, from now on, I'd like all my water

to be peaceful and regular.

You got it, Vince.

No problem...

Our ratings are through the roof,

and there's a sense we can attract an even wider audience

by having some of our superstars cross over

into scripted television.

And given you're one of our top guys,

I'd like you to be the tip of the spear.

You mean, like, as an actor?

Are you open to the idea?

I mean, I've never seriously thought about it,

but what kid didn't want to be Schwarzenegger or Stallone?

Action stars, exactly.

And the show we'd like to cast you in isn't just action.

It's cyber-action.

You ever see the movie "The Net"?

No, not yet, but it's on my list.

Oh, you got to see it.

Sandra Bullock was always sprinting somewhere

while a computer was loading.

The tension was incredible.

Yeah, I was told it did for computers

what "Speed 2" did for boats.

And is Sandra gonna be in the show?

They didn't say, but probably.

I mean, I don't know anything about acting.

Oh, don't worry.

You're gonna be playing a wrestler,

basically a version of yourself.

That could be cool. I know how to do that.

And you're okay with me missing TV for this?

That's the best part. You won't miss any matches.

We'll fly you out for the shoot and have you back next week

for "Monday Night Raw."

- Sounds like fun. - Terrific.

Artie!

Set a call with the network.

Dwayne's jumping into "The Net."

Got it.

Do you want me to do that before I change

the water order, sir, or...

Figure it out, Artie!

Sorry about the kid.

Um, I-I need to call you back.

It can be anything you want it to be.

That's what's so great about it.

Sometimes, you want banana bread and a cheeseburger

at the same time.

Or smoked salmon and key lime pie.

Oh, that is not a meal. That's chaos.

I'm just saying, brunch is a ridiculous concept.

- Hey, babe, how was your day? - Hey, good.

Funny thing, I met with Vince,

and our network partner offered me an acting role

on one of their TV shows.

Yeah, it's only for one episode,

but it's for a new show called "The Net,"

based on the Sandra Bullock movie.

What? Oh, I love her!

Do you know Sandra is fluent in German?

She's part Samoan, 1/16.

You have to look, but it's there.

You know, I was almost on the big screen.

Yes, we know, Dad.

You've told the story a hundred times.

- You were almost in a movie? - Well, thank you, Dany.

I considered being in the movie "Predator,"

even made an audition tape.

I ain't got time to bleed!

Hi, I'm Rocky Johnson. I'm 6'2", and I live in Hawaii.

You almost played Jesse Ventura's part?

Yeah, lucky for him, I never sent the tape in.

Why?

Role didn't have enough lines.

No meat on the bones. Pass.

Oh, this is so exciting, Dewey.

But I hope this doesn't mean

you're taking a break from wrestling.

You're finally seeing the success

you've worked so hard for.

Don't worry, Mom. I'm gonna do both.

Vince is fully supportive, and he thinks

this will help the WWF develop an even bigger fanbase.

So what kind of acting role is it?

Well, Vince said I'm playing a wrestler,

but I haven't seen the script yet.

Perfect. I'm sure you'll do great.

- Absolutely. - Fantastic.

If you see Sandra Bullock,

you ask for her autograph, and you bring it to me.

I will. Okay, let's eat.

You get her autograph first.

Okay.

I was pumped for my first day of filming "The Net,"

but honestly, I had no idea what I was doing, since...

I've never been on a TV set before.

Hell yeah, set's the bomb.

Your trailer okay?

I keep my LaserDisc locked up in mine with my gun.

No, my trailer's great.

Much more privacy than a WWF locker room.

Totally, well, I once meditated

for three hours in mine.

Lost an entire morning of shooting.

Production wanted me dead, but whatever.

I'm a director.

Sometimes with art, you gotta go deep to find the truth.

Come on.

So uh, how's this gonna work?

This is my first time doing this.

So in the previous shot, you'll exit the car

while Angela, the star/computer programmer/your combat trainee,

watches you enter the gym to find the crime boss

doing dumbbell curls on a bench press.

He'll be the guy wearing Lee jeans.

Then you'll agree to fight his champion to the death

in an illegal gambling match

being broadcast worldwide on the Net.

So the crime boss works out in jeans?

- Yeah, he's a total maniac. - For sure.

So do I know that I'm fighting to the death ahead of time,

or is this a trap?

I just want to make sure I understand.

All you need to understand

is that you're gonna kick that dude's ass... hey, Monty.

And I'll take care of the rest. - Okay.

All right, everyone, let's make some excellent TV!

Dwayne, go ahead and stand right there.

Perfect, baby, perfect.

Okay.

Robes are off.

And...

action!

Make sure you lock the door.

I don't want him trying to run away.

I really like how clear you're enunciating your lines.

Was just thinking the same thing.

I can understand every word.

So if those agents you were talking to earlier

use the Internet, they can stop the fight?

Well, sort of.

First, they need to track the video feed's IP address

so they can locate me.

Locate you? But they were just with you.

What kind of federal agents are these?

Boo, FBI! Kill yourselves!

Well, actually, only the guy is with the FBI.

The female lead is a computer programmer

whose technology skills help them solve crimes.

Where's Sandra Bullock?

Why didn't anyone call her before getting into this mess?

We not gonna talk about them punches?

Shh!

Needless to say, that wasn't quite

how I imagined my acting debut going.

After the way the episode of "The Net" turned out,

I felt like I had to address it

with Vince right away.

Yeah, I did an episode of "Dr. Judy: Old West Surgeon,"

so I get it.

Hey, Vince. You got a sec?

There's my guy.

You ready to go toe-to-toe with Steve Austin this week?

Definitely, it's gonna be a great match.

- All right. - Listen.

I just wanted to apologize for last night on "The Net."

I hope I didn't embarrass the company.

- Are you joking? - I wish.

When you have a chance to see the episode...

Dwayne, I watched the show last night.

You were sensational!

- Really? - Stop being modest.

I hate false sincerity.

It's like when people ask, "How's your family?"

They don't care.

They don't give a fig about my family.

Watch. Artie, how's your family?

- Well, my mom just... - See?

I don't care.

Dwayne, your episode was so good

that I'm rewatching it right now.

I don't know.

I thought my acting was kind of stiff.

Dwayne, no one's watching your acting.

They're watching you, the Rock.

This is exactly the type of entertainment

that will bring more fans into the WWF.

I also loved that scene when flirty music played

while you taught fake Sandra Bullock

how to neutralize a bad guy.

My director said those kinds of emotional layers

are his artistic signature.

Stay close to him. He's going places.

Did the network execs say anything about the show?

They didn't seem to want to discuss the episode,

which is crazy to me.

But everyone loves what this crossover initiative

is doing for our ratings.

In fact, I've already booked you another role,

this time, on "Star Trek: Voyager."

"Star Trek"? That's a major franchise.

Nanu nanu.

Exciting stuff, right?

You shoot your episode next month.

If Vince was happy with what I was doing,

then I was happy to keep doing it

and just trying to get better.

Plus, "Star Trek" was a big, storied franchise,

and I was excited to get a chance to enter that universe.

Another packed house for "Thursday Night SmackDown!"

Des Moines really knows how to party.

I'm so jealous.

I've been dying to see Iowa

ever since we watched "Field of Dreams."

"Hey, Dad.

Wanna have a catch?"

Emotional. - So emotional.

Hey, your dad's here. You wanna say hi?

Nah, I'm good.

Oh, that's my food. I better go.

I gotta get back to reading too.

I've barely started this "Star Trek" book.

I love how seriously you're taking this.

You know I want to be the best at whatever I do.

Oh, I know. Bye, babe.

All right. Bye, babe.

- Hey. - I have three dinners for...

One guest.

- Yeah, you can bring that in. - Oh, live long and prosper.

Oh, what a nice thing to say. You too.

Cool finger trick, by the way.

Come on in.

Live long and prosper?

Oh.

Please. Don't make me laugh.

Ha, you?

I'm insulted they would even put you in the pit to fight me.

Oh, wait, it's "against me," not "fight me."

Let me start over. - Hey, you okay, Dew?

You seem kind of nervous or something.

I just want to be prepared

so I can nail it when it's showtime.

Brother, you performed at the main event

in front of 30,000 screaming fans.

I think you can handle this.

This is so different, though.

There's no live audience to feed off of and respond to.

I know this is just a way to help Vince

expand the profile of the company,

but I still want to do a good job.

Hey, don't even mention it, all right?

We'll keep rehearsing them till you get them lines down.

You're gonna be the best damn half-woman, half-cyborg

this show's ever had.

Bruno, you're the half-woman, half-cyborg.

Wait, what?

I'm half-Borg? - Yeah.

Wow, okay.

This script makes a lot more sense now.

- It says... - I didn't even see that.

It's okay, it's okay. Okay, ready?

Yep, start it over.

So after a lot of practice,

I was ready to bring the heat on "Star Trek."

Live long and prosper.

Wrong species. You're Pendari, not Vulcan.

Hi, I'm Kim, the director.

I know. I was just... I'm Dwayne.

Nice to have you with us, Dwayne.

Happy to be here.

Great script, by the way.

I really love how quickly my character

loses his temper, which I believe

is an established trait of the Pendari species.

Uh, yes, the writer did a fine job.

Oh, yeah. I was thinking, though,

you know, when I enter the battle pit,

maybe I could address the crowd,

fire 'em up, kind of like how I do as...

Love your attitude, but as our alien of the week,

you know, the role doesn't allow for improvisation.

- Alien of the... - Mm-hmm.

Oh.

That's what the letters on my chair stand for.

Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't overthink it, okay?

We have 26 episodes to shoot this season, so, you know,

got to keep the intergalactic trains running on time.

- Got it. - Ooh, no, no, no.

Don't furrow your brow.

It's real bad for your face bulges.

Excuse me.

Can I get some water?

Excuse me.

You?

I'm insulted they would even put you

in the pit against me.

You're no bigger than an Aldebaran Mud Leech.

I must caution you against dismissing me so lightly.

I possess incredible strength.

I think not.

Damon, what are you doing?

You don't shoot rehearsal.

Sorry.

Okay, so this is where the battle horn will sound

and the fight starts.

Nathan will lead you

through the exact fight choreography after,

but basically, you exchange blows, yeah, and...

I assure you, this will be a lot easier

if you cease your resistance.

It would be a lot easier if you ceased your punches.

Oh, no, wait, sorry, my line is,

"I assure you, it would be a lot easier..."

Let me start again. - You know what, it's okay.

If you flub a line while we're rolling,

don't stop, just keep going.

Okay, we can cut around it in post.

Yeah.

So that's the gist.

If you can just stand on your first marks,

we're gonna tweak some lighting and get you both in wardrobe.

Yeah? - Thanks.

- I'm sorry about that. - Mm...

Kim's right.

I shouldn't have stopped mid-scene.

Don't apologize. It's great you care so much.

Well, I do give everything 100%.

A lot of guest stars don't.

Andy Dick may as well have been drunk.

Andy Dick did "Star Trek: Voyager"?

- Yep. - Hey, Jeri.

Your opening line is actually, "I possess superior strength."

What did I say?

You said "incredible strength."

The writer said your character wouldn't use

the word "incredible."

Ah, okay. Thanks, Marisa.

Well, looks like one of us has lines that matter.

Trust me, when you're part of the main cast,

you can't mess with the "Star Trek" universe.

Oh, yeah, I realized that right away

while I was doing my research online.

People have opinions.

Oh, you are not kidding.

But seriously, thanks for being so prepared.

Sometimes, an actor's job is simply to play the role

you're given on the show that you're on.

I got it, know your role...

And shut your mouth!

- Wow. - I'm a big fan.

Thank you.

You're hit. You're bleeding, man.

I ain't got time to bleed.

Nothing beats "Predator."

Arnold's line is my favorite.

Get to the choppa!

Perfect.

Ugh, let me guess.

Jesse Ventura's chewing up the scenery

with his chewing tobacco,

spitting all on his machine gun like a...

let me know when it's over.

I'd like a movie snack. Do you have any popcorn?

Of course.

Oh, but it's stovetop,

and I'm kind of a microwave girl.

I can teach you how to cook popcorn.

You know, I've only done two small roles,

and I already have so much more appreciation for this stuff.

It would be so cool to play a role like that.

You could do that if you wanted to.

Nah, everyone only wants me

to play some version of a wrestler.

I'm already a wrestler in real life.

What's the point of being one in another galaxy,

or New Orleans, or wherever "The Net" is set?

Seattle. "The Net" is set in Seattle.

Listen.

No one is happier at the success

you've found wrestling than me.

If you're happy, keep doing what you're doing.

You'll hear no complaints from us.

But if this new challenge is interesting to you,

go after it.

You make it look the way you want it to look.

There are no fences around you, Dewey.

Is it over? Both: No!

Jesse Ventura's great.

Oh, he's good. He's very good.

Don't let your dad hear you say that.

Dad would have been pretty good in this.

- Mm... - Okay.

Great episode of "Star Trek" last night, Dwayne.

I'm not a Trekkie, but you were sensational as Blorg.

Thank you, Vince.

I was thinking, for your next role,

something completely different, huh, like a comedy.

- Yeah, I love comedy. - Me too.

Nothing funnier in the world than someone

stepping in dog crap.

If I could make an entire show of just that, I would.

- I mean, I'd watch that. - Right?

Ding-dong, who's that?

Oh, no, there's crap on my shoe.

If you smell... dog crap.

Just one after the other, people stepping in crap.

That's what crap sounds like!

Anyway, I'm glad you're into it

because I booked you an episode of "That '70s Show."

Are you serious?

I don't joke around when it comes

to the best decade of all time.

I mean, that's such a funny show.

What's my role? - One that only you could play.

My primetime comedy debut was not only playing

the role of another wrestler, but that wrestler

was my dad.

Looking good, son.

Yeah.

Even though I was playing yet another wrestler,

I was really proud to play my dad.

And he was truly excited about me playing him on TV.

And of course, as always, the Soul Man had some notes.

Now remember,

if you want to capture my essence,

you need to let your mouth and your muscles do the talking.

No such thing as too much talking

when you're playing someone who is that good at it.

Well, I'm pretty sure they're gonna want me

to stick to the script, but don't worry,

I'll make you proud.

This is so exciting.

I've never been on a soundstage before.

And I just told one of the lead actresses

I hope she breaks her legs.

She said that to the woman that plays the mom.

It was amazing.

Should we head to our seats?

I heard they're handing out tuna fish sandwiches

before the show.

We'll be cheering for you, sweetheart.

Thanks, Mom. Love you guys.

Love you too.

Hey.

You know what?

When my son grows up,

he's gonna become the most electrifying man

in sports entertainment.

Bravo, Dewey!

The only person who could have done a better job

at playing me on screen than you is me.

I like Dewey's version of you better than your version.

Babe, you're really good.

I agree.

Your hard work is starting to pay off.

Thanks, Mom.

For the first time, I felt like

I could see myself doing a version

of acting the way that I wanted to do it.

I was also about to get one

of the most exciting phone calls of my life.

Hello? - Great show, Bubba!

Now, open your ears! I write screenplay.

I mail you pages. We win Oscar!

Hollywood champion number one!

That was the call?

No, that was the call before the call.

Oh, it kind of felt like you were teeing up

the actual call there.

Well, I can't wait to read it, Sheiky.

Forrest Gump jabroni actor!

Tell him he still owes me money.

- Talk soon. - Yes, Bubb...

You didn't tell him.

Wow, the phone's ringing off the hook.

Everybody must have seen the show.

- Hello? - Hi, is this Dwayne?

Yes, this is Dwayne.

Dwayne, it's Lorne Michaels.

Hi. Uh, it's great to talk to you.

I think he said Bret Michaels from Poison.

I've been trying to track you down.

Um, Vince and I were talking,

and he thinks you've got something special

that would work for us

and that you'd be a perfect fit.

A fit?

To host "Saturday Night Live."

No way.

So you get the call that every young comedian

aspires to receive, but instead,

it goes to a wrestler who has no aspirations

of hosting the show?

Let me guess, hosting "SNL" is one of your dreams.

Hell yeah!

And when that call comes,

I'll be ready with my pre-written

"Wayne's World" sketch.

I play Wayne's Korean stepfather

who comes home from the Gulf War.

Oh.

Sounds like a fresh idea.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

You want to develop it into, like, a buddy comedy thing?

I think it needs a little bit more to it, but sure.

- Yeah? - Sure.

- Okay, yeah, me and you. - Yeah, down the road.

Absolutely.

Yeah, we'll work on it, like, tomorrow.

- Down the road. - Down the road tomorrow, sure.

Okay.

So anyway, you get the call from Lorne, and then what?

Mr. Michaels, I would be truly honored

to host "Saturday Night Live."

Great. Glad to hear it.

But I would love to not play a wrestler in it.

Yeah.

I'll give that some thought.

So they came to you with an offer to host,

and you came back to them with terms?

Correct.

If I was gonna walk into a new arena,

then I wanted to be the best that I could be,

and for me, that was way beyond just being a wrestler

playing a wrestler for the joke.

And luckily, Lorne agreed.

The next thing I knew,

I found myself walking down a new kind of tunnel.

It reminded me of just five years earlier,

when I was walking through the tunnel

to my first arena show.

But this time, it was the tunnel

to the iconic "Saturday Night Live" stage.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Rock!

Why'd you stop? What's wrong?

- Excuse me, Jerry? - Yes, sir.

Let's turn around and head back to the estate.

We're not going home.

Talking about standing up to power

and asking for what you want,

I'm surprised I didn't think of it sooner.

I have a plan that can save this trade deal.