Original subtitles

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -

So the interview with the "Financial Times"

to walk through your small business incentives is set.

- Great. - And there's a fantastic piece

in "The Washington Post" about your proposed infrastructure plan.

Mm. It's so good.

I read it this morning when I was in line for bagels.

Aw, thank you, buddy. You're always so thoughtful.

- I love that about you. - Aw. [CHUCKLES]

Yes, it's always great having you filming.

No one's eating carbs right now,

but thank you for the bagels.

You're welcome.

All right, Sandy, great job.

- Oh, one last thing. - Yeah?

A local news station in St. Paul, Minnesota,

interviewed a man last night

who said he went to school with you.

- Mm-hmm. - It's probably nothing,

but I'm putting it on your radar

because he said that you tried to kill him.

[LAUGHS]

- Yeah. - What?

- [LAUGHTER] - That's what he said.

- I know. - All right.

Well, look, there's a lot of people out there

with very rich imaginations, right? So...

- Yes. - Uh, let's go feed the horses some bagel.

- Just me and you, Randall. - Oh.

- Awesome. - All right.

Thank you, Sandy. Great job.

No Sandy.

Gonna give Cinnamon a cinnamon.

Is there a horse named Everything?

That would be for this one.

You know, I have to say,

the way you dealt with that odd bit of news

was very presidential.

You didn't seem thrown by it at all.

No, I mean, what kind of leader would I be

if I panicked anytime something unexpected happened?

Yeah, you do seem very comfortable

rolling with the punches.

Well, that's 'cause I've been punched a lot in life.

But, you know, whatever happens,

you just deal with it and you move on.

Like I did when I didn't get cast as Batman and quit acting.

Sure. Or like me when I didn't get drafted

by the NFL and I had to go up to Calgary

to play in the Canadian Football League.

That's right, you got a call from the Stampeders.

Right, the Stampeders.

My goal was to go up to Calgary and ball out,

and then sign with an NFL team from there.

By the way, meet Jeff Goldblum.

- [LAUGHS] - Named after my dear friend, Emily Blunt.

Uh... hey, Jeff.

- Here you go. - Jeff loves cinnamon.

And, you know, back then, just like now,

my priority was always to provide a better life for my family.

[CURTIS MAYFIELD'S "PUSHERMAN"]

At this point, my dad's wrestling career had ended

and he was working as a driver for Circuit City.

He was supposed to transport damaged electronics

from the stores to the repair warehouse,

but sometimes, he would take a little detour.

You Josh?

♪♪

I got three camcorders with cracked screens.

Got a LaserDisc player, but the remote needs to be fixed.

And two TVs with broken volume.

My dad being my dad,

he had a side hustle going where he would sell

the slightly broken electronics to people,

then pay a guy to have it "disappear" from the inventory.

Meanwhile, my mom was still working

selling vacation packages,

but spent all of her time thinking about me.

A carton of guava juice, can of Lysol,

a whole pineapple, Corona bottle filled with sand,

wrestling magazines, socks, a bottle of ranch dressing,

Nacho Cheese Doritos, a Tupperware of my keke pua'a,

and 16 individually wrapped, loose Werther's Originals

- sprinkled across the top. - Sounds good.

You're gonna need more tape than that.

This is going international.

My son's playing in the Canadian NFL league.

CFL is the term she was looking for.

And I wasn't really playing.

More tape than that, please.

Oh, here. I'll do it. [LAUGHS]

♪♪

I didn't make it on the Stampeders' roster.

I was on their practice squad,

which paid next to nothing in loonies.

- And go! - It was basically my job

to get the starters ready for game day,

and man, I was struggling.

- [GROANING] - Johnson!

What the hell are you doing?

He's a starter. You can't go full-out!

- What do you mean? - You're practice squad.

You're not supposed to knock them down.

Everyone's gotta do their part. Even my son...

who sucks.

- Heads-up, Eugene. - [GROANS]

[HIP-HOP MUSIC]

- Let's go again! - [WHISTLE BLOWS]

♪ Watch you go down with it ♪

♪ I'm like a brand-new being ♪

♪ How I slow down with it ♪

Hey.

_

[DRAMATIC BEATS]

_

_

Only 65%?

- Hm. - 65% of me as an actor is Chris [BLEEP].

Well, 65% of me as an actor is Chris [BLEEP].

[LAUGHS] So many 65% Chrises.

Anyway, I knew if I didn't figure things out quick,

I was gonna get finger-pinched.

- Finger-pinched? - Yeah, that's how they cut you from the team.

It's very Canadian.

[10,000 MANIACS' "THESE ARE DAYS" PLAYING]

Hey, Carl.

Get your playbook, please.

Aw, shoot, Jim.

We'll miss you, Carl.

- Good luck, Carl. - I was completely off my game

and didn't wanna go down like Carl.

Luckily, I could call my girlfriend, Dany,

back in Miami, and we could talk it out.

- They pinch you? - Yeah.

And it's not like a regular pinch either.

It's like a two-knuckle finger scissor.

[PHONES RINGING]

That is weird.

You really described it perfectly.

You've given this a lot of thought, huh?

It's all I can think about.

It's like it's coming for me, like death or the Candyman.

The what?

- The Candyman. - I didn't hear you.

The Ca...

- nice try. - [LAUGHS]

Hey, for four seconds,

you didn't think about how weird it is there.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, um, I'm sorry I haven't been able

to send back any money.

Practice squad pays almost nothing.

Don't worry about me. I'm doing fine.

You have crushing student loan debt

and make 18 grand a year.

I like to think I make 18 large a year.

It sounds larger. [LAUGHS]

You just focus on doing what you need to do

- to make the team. - Yeah.

- I'll give my best 65%. - [LAUGHS]

While Dany helped me off the field,

I was about to get some help on it.

- Studying the playbook. - Yeah.

_

_

Yeah, I'm trying to learn the plays from all the angles.

[LAUGHS]

_

Oh, yeah?

I'm working on it.

Hey.

Nice Furekkusu, by the way.

- _ - Yeah. I love it.

My dad taught me when I was a kid.

I actually spent a day fishing with André the Giant.

- _ - Mm-hmm.

- _ - Oh, yeah?

_

_

- No. - Are you familiar with Circuit City?

Well, we got a program going on

that can get you some slightly damaged goods

at a crazy discount.

Made in Japan.

Sold in my van.

He's in sales.

_

Yeah? Great.

Little did I know,

that fishing trip would change my life.

'Cause you caught the biggest fish you ever saw

and none of your friends believe you

even though you had pictures?

No.

Oh.

Oh, my God, do you know what you're doing?

Yes, I know what I'm doing.

- Can you hurry up, please? - What's going on?

The O.J. trial went squiggly.

Just give me a second.

I thought you said that antenna was top-of-the-line.

I said it was top-of-the-line.

- [SIGHS] - Before it fell out a window.

Well, it's on every channel. Just try a different one.

But this is the coverage I like.

I need your help, Peter.

Rocky has broken the signal, High Chief.

Hey! Don't tell him that.

[TV STATIC HUMMING]

What the hell?

Yes.

The vehicle will remain in police custody.

Thank you, Peter. Now please protect O.J.

Why is Dewey's package here?

The mailman returned it.

Well, since when can't you send liquids?

I mailed liquids to you when you were in Samoa.

Those packages never got returned.

I never got any packages in Samoa.

That's why I iced you out on the way home from the airport.

[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]

Fishing with Kenny was exactly what I needed to get out of my head.

Oh, wow.

Hey, uh...

_

This is great.

- The Furekkusu? - Yeah.

Go for it.

I've never worked with anything this nice.

So...

what was it like?

- Fishing with André the Giant? - Oh...

unbelievable.

Every time he caught a fish,

he would give it a little kiss, toss it back in the water, and say,

"I release you."

I always imagined how crazy that must've been for the fish.

[LAUGHS]

You ever think about getting into wrestling yourself?

Almost every day of my life growing up as a kid.

But I wanted to provide for my family.

I found football and...

[GROANS] I'm stuck.

[GROANS]

Oh, my God.

I can't believe I did that.

- It's okay. - No, it's not okay.

- I know how much this costs. - This...

it's just a thing.

Look, I don't have enough money

to buy you another one, but I promise you,

I'm gonna pay you back. I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

There are way more important things in life.

It's just a thing.

It's all right. Don't worry.

It's just a thing.

When I heard Kenny say that, it was so freeing for me

because I was putting all this pressure on myself

to be the guy who had to send money home to his girlfriend.

Uh, buy his parents their first-ever home.

- It was all getting in my head. - Hm.

When... [SIGHS]

Those are all just things, man.

You know, it's so good to hear you say that,

because when you went to the bathroom...

I broke your mug.

- My daughter made me that. - I'll fix it.

Now that Kenny had changed my perspective,

I was able to settle in and do my part to help the team.

♪ And it goes like this ♪

- ♪ Skip to my Lou ♪ - Go!

I was still on the practice squad,

but the coaches gave me more opportunities

to ball out with the starters.

♪ Heavens to Murgatroyd, we've come ♪

♪ With another new song ♪

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

[PLAYERS GRUNTING]

- Whoo! - ♪ Ooh, hot, yes ♪

♪ Come in my dragon's lair ♪

Run the drill! Run the drill!

♪ Open your eyes ♪

[ALL GRUNTING]

- [WHISTLE BLOWS] - Nice, Walker.

Attaboy, Johnson. That's what we need!

_

_

I still completely sucked at sign language,

but it finally felt like I was finding my groove.

And once I relaxed on the field,

I was able to get creative off of it.

Like taking full advantage of the free food

at the first-team meetings.

What are you doing here, practice squad?

[DRAMATIC BEATS]

This meeting's for first-team only.

Oh. Okay, sorry.

Mm, for sure.

Right.

Maybe next week, fellas.

Okay, first order of business...

- no more Natalie Merchant in the locker room. - [TEAM GROANS]

Players also got free tickets for every game.

Six great seats. Family and friends section.

I don't have either of those things.

Hovering around the starters let me enjoy some of the perks.

Player of the week, Garcia.

[DRAMATIC BEATS]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

Good for one free pair of custom cowboy boots.

- Cowboy boots? - I'll take it if you don't want it.

Cowboy boots and whiskey remind me of my time in Nashville.

Yeah, go for it.

I don't have whiskey, but here's a keychain from the zoo.

Oh, thanks, man.

Oh, coupon for Indoor Sun Salon.

- Hank, this one's yours. - Shoot.

- This is au naturel. - Okay.

Yeah, it's going all right, Mom.

I'm getting some good feedback from the coaches.

I'm so glad to hear that, Dewey.

That makes me happy.

Just ask him what you wanna ask him.

Look, I didn't hear from you, so I just wanted to make sure

you got the care package that I sent.

No, sorry, Mom. I haven't.

Well, I sent it days ago. Where is it?

- [DOGS BARKING] - I'm telling you, it's great.

Wait, who's Julie Newmar?

The actress who signed the photograph.

Then who's Wong Foo?

That's who the photograph was autographed to.

I don't think I'm gonna see this movie.

- I'm getting to the bottom of this. - Mom, it's okay.

I have everything I need.

Tell Dewey Marcia Clark changed her hair.

They're ready for it.

Uh, gotta go, Mom. I love you.

I love you too, honey. Bye.

Hey, where you guys headed?

It's moules-frites night at the Grande Provence.

- LGP. - ALL: LGP! LGP!

- You wanna come with? - Sure.

I think I got a coupon for that place from Flutie...

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪♪

No!

Take a seat, son.

[DRAMATIC BEATS]

Dwayne, getting cut has nothing to do with your effort

or how much we like you.

Coach, I feel like I was finally getting the hang of it.

Can't you find some way to keep me on?

Believe me, son, I would if I could.

But we just signed some new guys,

and our O-line is solid now,

thanks to the reps they got with you.

Heck, it's because you did your job so well

that we don't need you anymore.

Kind of makes you think there's no God.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Listen to me.

I don't want you getting discouraged.

You got great work ethic and that's gonna pay off

for you one day, I promise you that.

In the meantime, if a space opens up,

we'll give you a call and get you back up here.

Me and the boys, we, uh...

we put together this departing gift bag for you.

You might not be with us,

but we'll always be with you.

There's a Koosh ball in there.

There it is.

[SIGHS] Talk about a punch to the gut.

Well, when I got put on the practice squad,

there was part of me that knew

things might turn out like this,

so I was already thinking about what I could do next.

Is that when you knew you were gonna get into wrestling?

What I knew was nobody was gonna pay me

- to play football anymore. - Mm.

So I was on a plane, headed to my family,

to go home to tell them that I failed

at the one thing that I had dedicated years of my life to.

I was grasping at straws,

considering all the possibilities.

And, in a way, so was my mom.

Yeah, it's... you just gotta let it dry.

- You know? - Sure.

Aw, shoot.

You can't just confiscate that box.

My son needs his snacks.

He's an American in Canada.

He doesn't know what to eat up there.

You packed a bottle of ranch dressing.

He can buy that at every single supermarket in Canada.

Well, I don't know what you sell.

Okay, just take out the ranch dressing.

The rest has to get to him.

Ma'am, as I've said, you can't send liquids across international...

- Do you have a mother? - What?

- Sorry, what? - Do you have a mother?

Uh, ye... yes.

Well, think about how she would feel

if she was thousands of miles away

and couldn't afford to visit.

She would wanna let you know she was thinking of you,

any way she could.

She would wanna feel close to you,

even though you were very far from home.

And if she couldn't hug you, the least she could do

is send you some sand from your favorite beach

in a bottle of your favorite beer.

My mother was declared unfit when I was 12

and my brother and I were placed in a guardianship.

But I understand your point.

Let me see what I can do.

Thank you.

Sorry about your mother, though.

While my mom was dealing with the Canadian postal service,

I landed back in Miami, I went straight to Dany's,

and we talked through everything.

I'm so sorry.

- I know how hard you worked. - It's just so crazy.

Like, is this it?

Am I done playing football?

Not necessarily, all right? Another team could call you at any minute.

But I don't wanna just sit by the phone

waiting for a call that might never come.

I'm tired of waiting for other people

to decide what happens to me.

[SOFT MUSIC]

So what do you wanna do?

Maybe I should give wrestling a try.

See if I'm any good at that.

Yeah, I don't know. Maybe.

- For right now, though... - Mm-hmm.

I was thinking of calling my buddy Clint

and getting a job with him painting houses.

Why?

I might not be able to buy my family a house

or pay your loans, but I wanna contribute.

I appreciate you wanting to help,

but I know there's so much more you want to accomplish.

You're meant for bigger things, Dwayne.

And if it's wrestling, then let it be wrestling.

Yeah, but that's years again, Dany,

where I'll make no money and no guarantee I ever will.

I wasn't saying it's gonna be easy.

But big dreams aren't easy.

Go after more.

Don't put the "more" on hold.

Believe it or not, Randall, that was the first time

I ever told anyone close to me that I wanted to pursue wrestling.

Hm, and when you finally said it out loud,

- it became a reality. - Nope.

As a matter of fact, it would take me months

- before I would say it again. - Hm.

See? As good as new, right?

No, no, no. It's broken. You can tell it's broken.

No, those were there.

Those were there.

- [CHATTER ON TV] - Oh.

If I ever go back to court,

I want Judge Ito on the bench.

I think he would be attracted to me.

Be very lenient.

But I won't return his affections, High Chief.

[PHONE RINGS]

- Hello? - Dad, I need you to come get me.

- From Canada? - Miami.

- I got cut from the team. - What?

Ay, did you know Dewey got cut?

- What? - He's in Miami.

- What? - I'm outside a Publix in Kendall.

I need you to come get me.

I'm leaving right now.

- What happened? - I don't know.

Is he okay? Did he get hurt?

Did he say if he got the care package?

- [CHILL MUSIC] - [BAG CRINKLING]

These meat donuts are killer.

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

[LOW MELANCHOLIC MUSIC]

♪♪

My dad drove four hours straight from Tampa

that night to get me, no questions asked,

then turned right around and we headed right back.

♪♪

I told him a version of what happened.

I kind of worked my own gimmick with him.

It was a numbers thing.

They can only have so many Americans on the team,

so even though they really liked what I was doing,

they had to let me go.

Everybody looks out for they own.

And Canada's no different.

It's like what Bruno used to say his mom would always say.

BOTH: Sometimes, it just be's that way.

[LAUGHS]

- ♪ And I'm a stronger man ♪ - [CHUCKLES]

We drove for a while like that, just listening to music.

I was thinking about what I'd said to Dany about wrestling,

but I definitely wasn't ready to say it to anyone else.

I knew if I told my family, it would make it real.

Yeah, you know they call this stretch of the highway

"Alligator Alley"? [LAUGHS]

Yeah, apparently gators get on the road

and them suckers don't budge.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, your Uncle Sika,

he used to say they would crawl into the sewer system.

Can you imagine that?

Finding one of them gators down there?

Hey, what's that movie with the, uh... the gutter clown?

Get the kids, snatch 'em into the sewer?

Scared the crap out your mama.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, looks like we low on fuel.

How much cash you got?

[SIGHS] Five, six, seven.

- [WIND HOWLING] - Eight bucks.

[ALLIGATOR HISSING]

[SIGHS]

I got seven bucks.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

What are you doing?

It's good money.

You said there's alligators out there.

- I've fought worse for less. - Dad.

It's just a thing.

Yeah, a thing we use to buy other things.

The hell did you learn in Canada? "It's just a thing."

- [DOOR SLAMS] - Oh, my God.

- So that was your Seven Bucks drive? - It was.

'Cause he never found that dollar.

Well, you've talked about that moment before.

Yes, after I dedicated my life to football,

the only thing I had to show for it was seven bucks.

That was a low point.

Yeah, but you took that,

made it the name of your company,

and built it into a global brand.

It makes for a hell of a story now,

knowing how everything turned out.

But, man, that was a rough time.

Mm. So what'd you do?

Well, the only thing that I could do.

I had to keep going.

And so Dany was in Miami

and she was working, like, 60 hours a week, and...

I made my way back to Tampa.

And I was still trying to figure out

what my next move was in terms of wrestling.

But I wasn't ready to tell anyone in my family

what my plans were.

Until one day, I get a call from my coach up in Canada.

Sorry, sir, but there's something timely.

Can we get a guard or a set dog or something

to keep these random people from walking into my interview zone?

So that interview we told you about,

- the man from Minnesota? - Mm-hmm.

It's been posted on some fringe social media sites,

and we think it should be on your radar.

- All right. - So you went to elementary school

- with presidential candidate Dwayne Johnson? - Yes, I did.

Back in Hawaii.

I had just moved there... new kid from St. Paul, Minnesota.

I could tell right away that he was full of it.

I mean, a lot of things just didn't add up.

So I questioned him on it.

And yeah, he tried to kill me.

Oh, [BLEEP].

I know who this is.

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -