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1
00:01:55,260 --> 00:01:57,240
Yes!
2
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,640
You shouldn't be here.
3
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:51,880
Cheers. I'll be two minutes.
4
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,000
Evening.
5
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:26,840
Good evening. Um...
6
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:30,000
I'm with the stag party from London.
Are they here yet?
7
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:35,080
# I'm still standing
Better than I ever did
8
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:40,080
# Looking like a true survivor
Feeling like a little kid
9
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:45,280
# I'm still standing
After all this time...
10
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,080
# I'm still standing
11
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,720
# Yeah, yeah, yeah!
12
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,680
Angus! Johnners!
13
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:07,960
Holy crap!
14
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,000
Hello...
15
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:11,560
..mate.
16
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:15,080
It's Ian.
17
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,560
Your future...brother-in-law.
18
00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:23,160
I'm here for the stag.
19
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,320
'This is bullshit.'
20
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:30,080
He's taken Christophe's place.
21
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:33,160
Christophe's not coming?
Didn't reply to the e-mails.
22
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,200
What about Runcie?
23
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:36,960
Runcie's still in prison.
24
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,720
This is the best
we could come up with.
25
00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,880
Listen, Ledge, I know it's
tradition to have a stripper,
26
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,920
and I know it's tradition
to book a dwarf,
27
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:53,080
but let's not combine the two, eh?
It's freaking me out.
28
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,320
You're Ledge?
29
00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,480
Your invite said black tie.
30
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:01,800
Bring it - not arrive in it.
31
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,960
And what happened to meeting
at the crossroads?
32
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,200
It's raining is what happened.
33
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:07,960
I sent the man to fetch you.
34
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,000
Hey!
35
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,800
I'm not joking.
Put it in a cab.
36
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:15,840
Thank you.
37
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,760
Next time we dine, it'll be
on fresh venison. Right, guys?
38
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,560
Everyone, everybody, listen. Chaps,
chaps, chaps, chaps! Stag's talking!
39
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,040
When the stag's talking,
shut the hell up. That's a rule, OK?
40
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,360
Mexico, write it down.
41
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:33,560
OK. Everybody, this is Ian.
Er, Fran's big brother.
42
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:35,040
How small is Fran?
43
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,160
Ian, this is Ledge.
44
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,640
Best man. Oldest buddy.
45
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:44,560
Ludgrove. Harrow. Durham.
Deutsche Bank.
46
00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:50,040
This is Mexican. He works on the
floor below us. Aitken. Prep school.
47
00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,480
Neils,
he works for the Copenhagen office.
48
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,400
Yeah! Denmark!
49
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,880
Cosmo, er, known him since halls.
50
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,080
Does...something in the media.
51
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,360
Development producer.
52
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:04,200
Then, of course, there's Wendy,
who looks after our books.
53
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,280
Oh, what, like some
sort of freelance librarian?
54
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,600
No. He's just our accountant.
55
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,880
Ah, yeah. Sorry. Yeah.
56
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:16,920
Ooh. Actually,...
57
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,680
Sorry, I ordered a non-meat option.
58
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,080
On a hunting holiday?
59
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:25,600
Well, to be honest, I won't be
taking part in any of the...
60
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,600
death.
61
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,640
I'm not a blood sportsman.
62
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,040
A blood sports man.
63
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:35,640
What the hell
are you doing here, then?
64
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:39,200
Uh...
Er, Ian was just telling me
65
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,600
how he was going to drink you all
under the table.
66
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,240
"Pussies" was the word
I think he used.
67
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,200
Wendy...
68
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,480
You better knock that back.
You're on catch-up.
69
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,680
Perky pinkie, don't forget.
Sorry, what?
70
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:59,000
You have to have your little finger
up when you drink. Stag rules.
71
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,600
All right.
72
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,280
Hurray!
73
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,400
Ah. I'm not a big drinker,
to be honest. That was...
74
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:54,840
Plus, the gamekeeper's outside.
75
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,200
Seemed like he wanted to get going.
76
00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:00,800
Then, you'd better drink up.
77
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:42,000
Hey! 'Hey! Just checking you found
the guys all right?'
78
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:46,280
I did do. 'Yeah. They take a bit of
working out, don't they?'
79
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,040
Not for me. I've only been
with them five minutes
80
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,880
and I already know
exactly what kind of guys they are.
81
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:53,880
There you go. For 2K, all-in,
82
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:57,600
we're guaranteed a weekend's
worth of pure man-shit, my friends.
83
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,600
Sleeping rough, hanging tough,
84
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,800
stalking a prime red deer stag
across the Highlands
85
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,360
and shooting it in the tits.
86
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,320
Come on!
87
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:12,520
Of course, I know the REAL reason
you're ringing. 'You do?'
88
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:16,600
You're worried I'm going to lead
Angus astray. 'Ha-ha! Yeah, right.
89
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:20,000
'Seriously, Ian, I need your help
on this.
90
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,160
'Can you just look after him
for me?'
91
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:25,080
You want ME to look after HIM?
92
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,720
'We've not been together that long.
93
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,200
'I don't know his mates that well.
94
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:34,200
'Or what they've got in store
for him.'
95
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:37,520
Fran... 'I mean,
is he even dressed appropriately?
96
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:41,640
'Just promise me you'll make sure
he comes back in one piece.'
97
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:44,840
Fran. He'll be fine. 'Promise me.'
Promise.
98
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,280
'Ian!'
99
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,160
I promise.
100
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:51,840
OK. Bye. Bye.
101
00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:54,960
They've left without paying.
102
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,880
Oh! I'll go and get them.
103
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,280
No, you won't.
104
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,480
What's to say you won't
just leave with them?
105
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:04,080
It's not really my bill, anyway.
I've hardly drunk anything.
106
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:05,800
You've drunk the most.
107
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,400
ã580?
108
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,840
W-what...?
109
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,520
Come on, then.
110
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,560
Play on, Centurion.
111
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,480
I'm just waiting on a connection.
Yeah.
112
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,520
Argh!
113
00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:40,360
Wait!
114
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:43,640
You forgot me! Hey, guys! Wait!
115
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,240
Guys! You forgot me!
116
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,040
Guys!
117
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:55,320
Aw. Shall we let him in?
Nah. Fuck him!
118
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,680
Come on, then! Come on, then!
119
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:18,520
RADIO: 'Cromarty, Forth.
Southwest seven to severe gale nine.
120
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,320
'Bearing west.
Gale eight to storm ten.
121
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:22,760
'Rain...'
122
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,640
What about some music?
123
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,680
RADIO PLAYS
Message In A Bottle by The Police
124
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:29,040
Whoo! Yeah!
125
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:32,800
Right. La questionnaire. 40
questions about Tom Thumb's sister.
126
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,560
What she's like in the sack
and so on.
127
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:37,760
Oh! Hit me, hit me!
128
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:42,280
Right. Question numero uno.
When's Fran's birthday?
129
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:43,640
Oh! Come on! Too easy.
130
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:45,720
He doesn't know.
131
00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:47,880
I do. But it's boring.
132
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:49,360
Where are the good questions?
133
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:50,560
Come on!
134
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:53,200
OK. Numero...two.
135
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,240
Gillette, Tussauds, or Sherwood?
136
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,840
Oh! Whoo!
137
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,040
I don't understand.
138
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,200
Your sister's front garden.
139
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,280
Is it Gillette, Tussauds
or the Forest of Sherwood?
140
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:10,240
Her private parts!
Is she shaven, waxed, or unkempt?
141
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,680
Urgh! I'm not gonna answer that!
142
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:14,720
He's not saying he doesn't know! Oh!
143
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,760
No!
144
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,560
River says no.
145
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:35,680
Pardon me?
146
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,400
She's flooded and we're too heavy.
147
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,120
This is the only way in.
148
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:44,720
There'll be no hunting this weekend.
149
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,520
Now, hang on, matey.
What are we paying you for?
150
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:50,560
If we'd been here earlier,
there wouldn't have been a problem.
151
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,520
We would have been here earlier
152
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,840
if we didn't have to wait
for the Penguin.
153
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,760
Yeah, 003.5. Croupier Gollum.
154
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,880
I was late because you left me
at the meeting point, right?
155
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,920
Just like you let me in the pub
when I was busy paying your bill.
156
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:04,800
All ã600 of it.
157
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,680
So, let's be clear,
you've never waited for me once.
158
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,440
Oooh!
159
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:12,920
Guys! Stag's talking, everyone.
160
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:16,680
There's bound to be a lot of banter
this weekend. OK, it's us,
161
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:19,480
so it comes with the territory,
but keep it light, OK?
162
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:23,160
No-one need get injured. Have a
little respect for your fellow man.
163
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,640
Driver!
164
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:32,040
Is there any way, any way at all,
we can get across
165
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,000
this "wee burn" here?
166
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:43,920
Right.
167
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:48,240
When you're all across,
I'll follow in the vehicle.
168
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:52,120
If you do get washed away
and you survive,
169
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,800
make sure you get out this side.
170
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,560
There's far fewer stags
this side of the water.
171
00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:59,360
Stags are good, though, aren't they?
172
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,360
Not without a gun, they're not.
173
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:04,680
And when will we be allowed to have
one of those?
174
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,040
Out of interest.
175
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,880
If a stag sees you,
176
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,760
he'll either attack you
177
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,680
if he thinks you're a rival.
178
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,720
Or if he thinks you're a female...
179
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,040
..he will rape you.
180
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:25,920
Any questions?
181
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,800
Is this definitely the only way?
182
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:31,320
No.
183
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:35,640
We can cross at the old dam but
that's a seven-hour hike from there.
184
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,160
Er, how do we get back again?
185
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,840
When the river lets you.
186
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,960
GASPING AND GROANING
187
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:07,360
So, ITV2 are this close
to commissioning
188
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,400
How To Look Good Homeless,
189
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:14,400
and I'm marooned in some Third-World
grotto that can't even muster 2G!
190
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,600
It's a travesty.
191
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:18,920
A bloody travesty.
192
00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:31,600
My bag!
193
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,040
Got to keep moving!
194
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,360
My bag! It's all my stuff!
195
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,800
Come on! Come on!
196
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,960
Yeah, get a McMove on!
197
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:58,880
You're supposed to take us hunting,
not stand around looking Scottish!
198
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,560
Probably too full of Mars Bars
and batter to move, isn't he?!
199
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:10,480
Come on! In your own time! Come on!
200
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:18,160
He's abandoning us!
He's taking a run-up, you moron!
201
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,880
That's a considerable run-up.
202
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:33,280
Don't suppose anybody's got
any spare clothes?
203
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:56,360
I need it back for
the dinner on Sunday, OK? Yes.
204
00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:01,720
It's never on the news, is it -
stags on trial for rape and that?
205
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,280
Just scare-mongering,
that's all that was.
206
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,760
Is it rape if they don't understand
the word "no"?
207
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:25,520
Probably just...a lumberjack
chopping trees.
208
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:26,880
At 11.30 at night?
209
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:34,840
Wait! Stop! This is ridiculous!
Where are we even going?
210
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:35,880
Ledge?
211
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,800
I don't know. But you're best man!
212
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:43,440
Best men can't do everything.
213
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,400
And don't give me that look.
Not one of you bastards RSVP'd
214
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,440
to the original e-vite and now you
come at me with all this shit.
215
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:52,760
Where are you taking us, mate?
I'm not taking us anywhere!
216
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:55,040
I took us to the pub,
met the gamekeeper.
217
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:58,080
That's what it said to do
and then HE takes it from there.
218
00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,560
But now the gamekeeper has gone.
219
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,560
Nothing gets past
Peter Schmeichel(!)
220
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,440
Don't take it out on him.
What was wrong with indoor golf
221
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:07,720
and a boozy lunch in Battersea?
That's what I want to know.
222
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,880
Come on, Ledge.
What are we going to do?
223
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:12,600
We could always...
224
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:19,240
Well, we could always...
pitch camp...in that clearing...
225
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:23,920
..light a fire, have a few beers
226
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,000
and get our bearings in the morning?
227
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:28,280
In the a.m.
228
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,360
All right.
229
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:36,400
After you.
230
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:38,800
Good.
231
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,800
Nice one, Ian.
232
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,480
'Thermal what?'
233
00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,800
Fear Mor.
It's all over the internet.
234
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:03,520
How have you got data?
235
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:08,160
I haven't got data.
This is SO unfair.
236
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:13,160
The Fear Mor.
It's, like, this Scottish giant.
237
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,880
Hides in the mist.
Comes out of nowhere.
238
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:21,040
I read about this guy, who was
just here on a rambling holiday,
239
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,760
minding his own beeswax...
240
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:26,440
..and he got ripped apart
like a rag-doll.
241
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:31,640
I'm telling you...
this thing is evil.
242
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:34,520
Like Sasquatch?
243
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,440
No, not really.
244
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:37,680
More like the BFG...
245
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:41,560
..but without the F.
246
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,320
A Bee Gee?
247
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:01,240
Neils, you idiot!
248
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:06,480
What?
249
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,000
What did you just say?
250
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,840
What did Johnners say about respect?
251
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:20,960
I think, Ian,
you probably owe Neils an apology.
252
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:23,600
Yeah!
253
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:28,560
This is a... This is a bit,
isn't it? We're doing a thing.
254
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,600
"Goes with the territory."
255
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,080
This isn't a thing.
256
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,160
Sorry, Neils.
257
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:17,360
What a bag of dicks.
258
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,400
Maybe you should leave.
259
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:20,440
I'm sorry, I...
260
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,640
No. It's fine.
I feel exactly the same way.
261
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:27,080
These are the worst kind of people.
262
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:29,560
I thought you'd been friends
with them since school?
263
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,800
That's how I know they're
the worst kind of people.
264
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:37,520
Here. What's that? It's the kitty.
265
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:39,800
What we owe you from the pub.
There's ã800 there,
266
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:43,920
plus Ledge's Coutts card.
When the gamekeeper comes back,
267
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,440
get him to take you back to the pub.
From there, you get a cab
268
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,840
and you take that cab
all the way back to London.
269
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,600
Eastbourne. Wherever you want.
270
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,120
In fact, do you know what?
I'll come with you.
271
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:01,800
We'll go as a duo, the two of us.
A pair. We'll run. No. Yes!
272
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,800
I can't. Let's go! Come on. I can't.
273
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,560
Come on. We can nip out
the back door... Flap.
274
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:09,040
I can't, all right?
275
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,160
I made a promise...to my sister.
276
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:13,840
I'm staying.
277
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,960
OK. Well, in that case,
we stick together.
278
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:21,200
We watch each other's backs,
because that is the only way
279
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,120
you're going to get through this.
280
00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:24,160
You got it?
281
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,080
Have you got it, Ian? Yes.
282
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,920
Yes, I have, thank you.
283
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,720
Right, let's get back out there.
284
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,240
Sorry, can I just... Yep.
285
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:42,920
Sorry. Sorry, Ian.
286
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:44,440
OK.
287
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,440
Everybody...grab a tin.
288
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,720
Hold on.
289
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:03,160
OK...rolling!
290
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,960
Right...first order of business...
291
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,840
..no calls, no cameras, no e-mails.
292
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:12,920
It's time to lock this down.
293
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,680
That jumped-up Jock thought
he could leave us to perish.
294
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:23,240
He didn't think we'd survive
a second.
295
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:24,840
Even me?
296
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:31,760
But look at us...
We didn't just survive. We thrived!
297
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,800
We've built a camp! We've made fire!
298
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,560
ALL: Yeah!
299
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,160
We're seven Bear Grylls...
300
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,680
..with a monkey butler.
301
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:53,720
What will happen over the next
72 hours will change us as men.
302
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:57,360
We will be defined by our time
in these hills,
303
00:23:57,360 --> 00:23:58,840
on these heaths.
304
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:03,320
And when we get home, we will say -
to people that we trust and without
305
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:08,880
giving away too many details -
that we saw off our friend in style!
306
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,440
Wait, wait, wait...
307
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:14,520
That this was the stag
to end all stags!
308
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:15,840
Yeah!
309
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:20,480
The stag-hunting stag
of Angus "Johnners" Johnson,
310
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:23,120
the best friend a man could have!
311
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,560
Hold that, Aitken.
Best man can't do everything.
312
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:31,080
Now, ladies...
313
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,840
..I'd like you to raise
your drink...
314
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,960
And your pinkies. Thank you, Mexico.
315
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,280
Allow me to make
the first of many toasts...
316
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:42,800
..to the kill!
317
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,480
ALL: To the kill!
318
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:45,840
The kill.
319
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,440
WHOOSH, THUMP
320
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:52,960
Aitken?
321
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:57,680
Oh, that IS a shame.
322
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:00,360
Argh!
323
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:09,960
Jesus Christ!
324
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:20,160
Aitken!
325
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:22,800
What did I miss?
326
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:35,400
What the hell even was that?
327
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,440
It looked like some kind of claw.
328
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,760
Maybe it's all part of it. Part
of the stag package, right, Ledge?
329
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:43,760
Yeah, like some kind of practical
joke. It wasn't on the website.
330
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,320
Seriously, guys...
He could have survived.
331
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:16,320
We gave him dead legs
and Chinese burns
332
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,400
all the way through prep school
and it never seemed to bother him.
333
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:24,720
We should get going.
Quite right. Let's get going.
334
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,840
I'm colder than Walt Disney.
335
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,240
Wait!
336
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:33,320
Shouldn't we go back?
337
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,120
He's your friend.
338
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:41,960
Besides, you said so yourself,
the poor guy might not be dead.
339
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:53,840
OK, you're right.
340
00:26:55,920 --> 00:27:00,320
But it doesn't really
feel like a seven-man job, does it?
341
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:08,360
Well, come on, then.
342
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:31,280
So, erm, "Wendy". Is that...
343
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:33,840
Is that like a nickname
they gave you at school?
344
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:35,640
I wasn't at school with them.
345
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:43,960
This has to be
the worst stag weekend ever.
346
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:45,480
You weren't in Zagreb.
347
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,160
What happened in Zagreb?
348
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:53,160
I get it. What happens in Zagreb
stays in Zagreb.
349
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,480
Or Prague or Amsterdam
or Dusseldorf.
350
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,120
They're all horrific.
351
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,480
That lot have more money than sense.
352
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:28,240
So, if these weekends are so bad,
why did you come?
353
00:28:30,360 --> 00:28:32,120
Mate, have you got kids?
354
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:35,920
I've got three. Triplets.
355
00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:37,360
IVF nightmare.
356
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:40,320
Like buses.
357
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,040
Really expensive buses.
358
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,440
I only come on these stupid trips
to escape.
359
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:51,240
The problem is, as soon
as I get away from the kids...
360
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:54,240
..I miss 'em like hell.
361
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:58,080
Left or right?
362
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:03,280
Whoever finds him...
363
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:07,120
..or whatever's left of him,
364
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:10,040
shouts to the other one
and we meet back here.
365
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,280
What do we shout?
366
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:15,400
"Argh."
367
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:20,760
Want to practise it before we go?
368
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:22,400
There's no need.
369
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:24,000
You should practise it.
370
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:31,360
Argh.
371
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:36,760
Argh!
372
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:40,440
No?
373
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:46,240
ARGH!
374
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:57,600
Bloody hell.
375
00:29:57,600 --> 00:29:59,520
'Ah, to hell with it.'
376
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,720
I was going to save these
for Sunday,
377
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:06,760
but we may as well break these
bad boys out of jail now, eh?
378
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,600
Right, question number five...
379
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:27,840
I don't want to answer any more
questions about my sex life, OK?!
380
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:31,640
Because it's not what it was
with that ex of yours. Sophie!
381
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:37,040
Ah! Crazy in the head
and crazy in bed.
382
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:38,560
How would YOU know?
383
00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:41,480
Shagged her at Glasto,
during Mumford & Sons, didn't he?
384
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,280
It's all water
under the Chelsea Bridge, mate.
385
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:46,320
Anyway, you're wrong.
386
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:49,280
It was Ed Sheeran.
387
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:52,640
Dirty ginger bastard.
388
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:13,640
Hello?
389
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:15,880
It's me.
390
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:19,240
It's Wendy. Are you there?
391
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:38,080
Wendy!
392
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:51,080
WENDY!
393
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:54,320
I'VE FOUND THE LEGS!
394
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:27,680
He's been separated.
395
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:30,120
Aitken. Separated.
396
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,040
Oh, God!
397
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:35,840
Where's Wendy?
398
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:37,400
I don't know.
399
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:39,680
Did you find the bag of phones?
I don't know.
400
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:43,280
Either you did or you didn't. Is he
waiting down there? I don't know!
401
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:44,600
Forget Wendy.
402
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:46,960
Look at Aitken.
403
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:49,480
Oh, this is fucked-up.
404
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:59,360
You know what's REALLY fucked-up?
405
00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:12,200
This is awful.
This is just so awful.
406
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,040
What in God's name is happening?!
407
00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:17,560
Who the hell is doing this to us?
408
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:18,880
And why?!
409
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:26,840
Guys, just grab the bare minimum.
This isn't a jolly.
410
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:28,320
All we're doing is leaving, OK?
411
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:33,480
Right, let's do this. Ledge.
Right, um... OK.
412
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:36,320
Eh... Let me think...
413
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,360
If only Christophe was here,
he'd know what to do.
414
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:42,600
Well, he's NOT here, is he?
Right. Good. OK.
415
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,400
So, we keep things simple.
We pick a line,
416
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,600
a straight line, and we stick to it.
417
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:50,040
It never fails. The Romans did it.
418
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:53,080
Crows do it.
Eh, Forrest Gump did it.
419
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:55,760
Bang goes my plan of zigzagging
our way out of here.
420
00:33:55,760 --> 00:34:01,040
A line in which direction? Think
about it. Where do most people live?
421
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:02,760
China?
422
00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,440
South. England is south of here.
423
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:07,800
Exactly. Africa is south of here.
424
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:11,960
Yes, that's also true. Not quite
as useful, but the point remains,
425
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:14,600
we head south,
we are BOUND to bump into someone.
426
00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:18,080
Which way is south?
427
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:21,560
Why ask him?
He can barely see over the bracken.
428
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:24,040
He's a geography teacher.
What, in real life?
429
00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,840
We can, erm,
use the sun, to navigate.
430
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:33,760
Old sailing trick.
Rises in the west, sets in the east.
431
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:36,160
Other way round.
Other way round. Exactly.
432
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:39,640
Who needs Christophe, eh? Right.
Everyone, strap on, follow me,
433
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:41,520
keeping the sun on your left.
434
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:46,720
Good work, buddy. Took the words
right out of my mouth.
435
00:34:46,720 --> 00:34:50,520
Do crows fly south? If they find
themselves in Scotland, they do.
436
00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:51,560
Come on.
437
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,800
Don't you think we should just...
438
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:35,120
maybe, just bury the legs?
439
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:36,160
And what?
440
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:40,040
Give the man two graves?
441
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:42,080
Not on my watch.
442
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:49,040
In the fullness of time, we will
find his chest, arms and head.
443
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:52,600
And when we find his chest,
arms and head... Torso. What?
444
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:54,320
Torso.
445
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:56,920
Please don't interrupt me, Ian. OK.
446
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:01,920
When we find
his chest, arms and head...
447
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:04,520
..we will bury him whole.
448
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:08,240
It's a question of dignity. OK.
449
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:13,640
But, maybe, for now, we could...
What? ..you know,
450
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:15,720
just...pop them in a bag?
451
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:21,720
'One, two, three...'
452
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:34,520
It's beautiful up here. Yes.
453
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:35,560
Yes.
454
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:37,080
Argh!
455
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:50,840
Happy? Cool.
456
00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:20,960
Off you go, then.
457
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:23,280
What? It's your bag, isn't it?
458
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:26,840
Yes, but I'm not touching it.
459
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:28,720
I'm not going anywhere near it.
460
00:37:28,720 --> 00:37:30,800
Might be a bomb in it.
461
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:33,200
Why have you brought a bomb
with you, mate?
462
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:38,240
No, I'm saying that,
obviously, it's a trap.
463
00:37:39,240 --> 00:37:40,640
We should keep well clear.
464
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:42,680
Come off it, a trap?
465
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:45,760
Well, it didn't just
wheel itself here, did it?
466
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:49,480
Somebody has put it there. Who?
Whoever's doing all of this.
467
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:51,240
The gamekeeper.
468
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:56,440
I mean,
that IS who's doing all this, right?
469
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:57,760
But why, though?
470
00:37:59,240 --> 00:38:01,160
Somebody must have got up his nose.
471
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:05,880
Sorry, uh, was that for MY benefit?
I'm just thinking,
472
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:09,080
it could have been you that he was
aiming at when he shot Aitken.
473
00:38:11,720 --> 00:38:14,320
You had been talking down to him
all night. "Talking down"?
474
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:16,480
As if he worked for you.
He did. And not hard enough.
475
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:18,760
The man had an appalling work ethic.
476
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,320
I'm sorry to be the one
to give YOU the geography lesson,
477
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:23,920
but he's on the wrong side
of the river, so it can't be him.
478
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:26,920
You think the hard-as-nuts
gamekeeper couldn't have made it
479
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,360
across the river in his Land Rover,
when we made it across naked?
480
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:33,240
Still doesn't explain Wendy, though,
does it?
481
00:38:33,240 --> 00:38:35,400
What about those freaks
back at that boozer?
482
00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:38,880
The foxy waitress. The chef.
The farmers playing snooker.
483
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:40,160
What about the Fear Mor?
484
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:42,480
Think about it -
the way they were dragged away,
485
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:44,480
chopped in half like watermelons.
486
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:48,240
Enough of the Gruffalo bullshit.
Stop it! This is EXACTLY what
487
00:38:48,240 --> 00:38:50,240
the gamekeeper wants -
to mess with our heads.
488
00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:54,160
Ian, what is in
your cheap-looking bag? Er...
489
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:57,160
I dunno. Erm... Cripes... OK...
490
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:00,640
An alarm clock, travel adaptor,
491
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:04,960
pyjamas, change of socks,
my Kindle, bottle of Shy-raz.
492
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:07,960
a tube of Pringles...
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back up.
493
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:11,080
What was that? Pringles. Spicy BBQ -
not everyone's cup of tea...
494
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:12,920
No, no, the other one.
495
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:15,480
A bottle of Shy-raz?
496
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:16,520
Shy-raz?
497
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:21,800
And this "Shy-raz", Ian... Yeah.
498
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:23,320
..is it screw-top or cork?
499
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,040
Screw-top, I think.
500
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:27,920
Christ, is there no decency?
Au contraire, Ledge.
501
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:31,200
Unless you're packing a corkscrew,
502
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:34,560
the wee man's cheapskatery
may a blessing from above!
503
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:38,480
I've got a mouth like Gandhi's
sandal and, given the fact that
504
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:41,400
we're meant to have a fresh bevvies
in our hand every half-hour...
505
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:43,280
To be fair,
that IS in here somewhere.
506
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:46,440
..then, by my watch,
the time is, er...
507
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:47,560
Ooh!
508
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:48,960
O-wine-hundred.
509
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:51,800
Guys...
510
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:55,280
if Cosmo wants the Shiraz...
Cosmo gets the Shiraz.
511
00:39:57,640 --> 00:39:59,040
Uh-huh!
512
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:22,400
(I think it's actually
pronounced Shy-raz.
513
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:26,840
(It's no big deal.)
514
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:02,920
Easy...
515
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:31,960
Whoa!
516
00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:33,920
Whoo! Bravo!
517
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:35,160
Down the hatch!
518
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:40,800
Oh, shitfuck!
519
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,120
HE COUGHS
520
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:52,080
HE GROANS
521
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,520
METALLIC CREAK
522
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:01,880
METALLIC THUNK
523
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:11,600
And I never had that drink
with Nick Knowles.
524
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:17,440
Holy crap, he's dead.
525
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,320
ECHOING: No, he's not. He's fine.
526
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:41,360
Cosmo, mate, don't go anywhere!
527
00:42:47,720 --> 00:42:49,160
What's your body weight?
528
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:52,960
Why?
529
00:42:55,240 --> 00:42:56,680
Why?
530
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:01,480
Why?!
531
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,200
GROANING
532
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:11,000
You've got a phone!
533
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:12,200
No.
534
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:14,280
You've had that all this time!
Please.
535
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:18,160
The others will kill me.
If they don't get killed first.
536
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,160
Why didn't you call the police?
537
00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:22,040
I haven't had any bloody signal.
538
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:28,680
Listen, pal...
539
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:30,840
THEY GROAN
540
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:34,560
I'm as broke as it comes, OK?
541
00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:36,280
The others, they...
542
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:39,440
They talked me into sinking
all my cash into some stupid
543
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:41,600
offshore scheme in Guernsey.
544
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:46,120
And that's why everything is pinned
on How To Look Good Homeless.
545
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:48,880
What?
546
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:52,240
Caroline Flack gives botox
547
00:43:52,240 --> 00:43:55,160
and bling to six lucky tramps
from across the UK.
548
00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:00,800
Now,
if I don't get the call from ITV2...
549
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:02,080
I lose the lot.
550
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:07,880
HMRC has my cock on a block.
551
00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:12,040
And you have blood on your hands.
552
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:17,080
THEY GROAN
553
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:20,840
This isn't working. Maybe we should
just leave them and save ourselves.
554
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:22,320
We can hear you, you know!
555
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,720
Oh, come on, Cosmo, don't pretend
you wouldn't do the same.
556
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:28,080
If you go without me...
557
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:31,800
I'll tell everyone
your Chatroulette story.
558
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:34,080
OK, fellas. Put your back into it.
559
00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:37,800
THEY GROAN LOUDER
560
00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:41,520
COSMO GASPS
561
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:44,280
Is that a splint?
562
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,600
Wait, wait, the wine.
563
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:47,800
Oh...
564
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:49,800
We'll have to send someone back.
565
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,080
No need.
566
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,000
THEY CHEER
567
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:57,040
Stop.
568
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:01,000
The alcohol should go to Cosmo.
569
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:04,800
The man is injured and right now,
this supermarket Shiraz
570
00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:08,040
is the closest thing we've got
to an anaesthetic.
571
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:10,680
Well, it's day one of
medical school, isn't it?
572
00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:12,840
COSMO LAUGHS
573
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:14,640
Wait... Why do I need an anaes...?
574
00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:17,240
No.
575
00:45:17,240 --> 00:45:19,040
No, no, no, NO!
576
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:21,680
CRACK!
Argh!
577
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:28,040
COSMO: It's a very nice drop, this,
actually, Ian.
578
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:30,120
ã6.99.
579
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:31,520
It's very drinkable.
580
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:34,880
MEXICAN: Yeah, clearly.
581
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:37,680
Hey, this is a serious bloody
injury, I'll have you know.
582
00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:39,720
Yeah, minor miracle
you're still standing.
583
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,600
# You can never know what it's like
584
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:51,080
# Your blood like winter
freezes just like ice
585
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:55,720
# And there's a cold, lonely light
that shines from you
586
00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:59,040
# You'll wind up
like that wreck you hide
587
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:00,840
# Behind that mask you use
588
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:05,560
♪ And did you think this fool
could never win? ♪
589
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:06,680
Yeah!
590
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:09,280
# Well, look at me,
I'm coming back again
591
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:12,240
# I got a taste of love
in a simple way
592
00:46:12,240 --> 00:46:14,920
# And if you need to know while
I'm still standing
593
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:16,880
# You just fade away
594
00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:20,880
# Don't you know I'm still standing?
595
00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:23,960
# After all this time
596
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:29,560
# Picking up the pieces of my life
without you on my mind
597
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:32,000
# I'm still standing
598
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,080
# Yeah, yeah, yeah!
599
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:37,680
# I'm still standing
600
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:39,840
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪
601
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:52,760
Bit of a secret Elton fan, then?
602
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:55,720
What's that supposed to mean?
603
00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:00,120
It's not supposed to mean anything.
604
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:04,400
With the help of Bernie Taupin,
Elton John writes good songs.
605
00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:06,400
I agree. That's his job.
606
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:07,800
I know.
607
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:11,160
I wasn't saying you're a...
608
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:14,920
Not that I have anything against...
You don't know me.
609
00:47:14,920 --> 00:47:16,560
You don't know my friends.
610
00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:21,520
They call me The Mexican,
611
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:23,080
and I'll take that.
612
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:26,920
Do you understand?
613
00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:28,720
Yeah.
614
00:47:28,720 --> 00:47:30,360
Is anyone else getting that?
615
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:33,200
You guys getting that?
616
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:36,160
THEY SNIFF
617
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:40,920
Genius, mate!
618
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:44,960
THEY CHEER
619
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:01,160
Guys...
620
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:05,600
What did I say?
621
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:07,920
What did I tell you, hmm?
622
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:12,360
"Head south and ye shall find."
623
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:14,880
Well, there's no-one here.
624
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:17,920
If there isn't a phone here,
at least one,
625
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:20,440
I'm a chocolate kettle, I really am.
626
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:24,560
HE SIGHS
627
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:28,800
These are our...
628
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:34,480
This isn't someone else's...
629
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:39,320
Been walking in a huge circle.
630
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:46,080
Oh, fuck!
631
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:50,680
It's not your fault, mate.
632
00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:54,640
Well, in fairness,
who else is to blame?
633
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:56,480
Oh, Sugar Puffs.
634
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,880
Sugar Puffs? I'll give you fucking
Sugar Puffs, mate.
635
00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:03,840
"Keep the sun on the left," he said.
636
00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:07,000
Well, that worked an absolute treat,
and now the sun's going down.
637
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:08,400
Fucking ideal!
638
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:11,040
I was trying to make
a helpful suggestion.
639
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:14,920
Yeah, well, maybe keep those helpful
suggestions to yourself from now on.
640
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:17,640
None of it adds up, if you ask me.
641
00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:21,080
He rocks up in a Poundland tux
and expects us all
642
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:23,280
to believe he's the bride's brother.
643
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:24,400
He is.
644
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:27,600
Really?
Johnners didn't even recognise you.
645
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:31,360
Well, I'm slightly forgettable.
646
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:34,680
Take it easy, guys.
647
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:36,640
No, no, no.
648
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:40,760
I want to know what you were doing
in that tent with Aitken.
649
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:43,880
I want to know what you were
doing in those woods with Wendy.
650
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:45,880
I want to know
why you packed a bomb.
651
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:50,840
What are you saying?
652
00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:53,720
I think, mate...
653
00:49:55,520 --> 00:49:57,520
..that you've got something to hide.
654
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:03,520
Think away, mate.
655
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:21,440
Oof!
656
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:31,680
I want to know
why you have the kitty.
657
00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:36,080
Aitken had the kitty, Ian,
and now he's dead.
658
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:40,240
Why do you have the kitty, Ian?
659
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:44,560
This is most irregular.
660
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:46,560
GROWLING
661
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:54,800
Every little helps. Let's go!
662
00:50:54,800 --> 00:50:57,400
GROWLING
663
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:01,640
WHISTLE BLOWS
664
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:05,960
WHISTLE BLOWS
665
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:17,440
WHISTLE BLOWS
666
00:51:24,400 --> 00:51:25,920
GROWLING
667
00:51:31,240 --> 00:51:33,360
LOW GROWLING
668
00:51:38,240 --> 00:51:39,880
GROWLING STOPS
669
00:51:44,680 --> 00:51:47,320
(How long do you think we give it?)
670
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:48,880
A week.
671
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:02,600
It's fresh.
672
00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:05,920
Neils, this fucking stinks.
673
00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:10,080
He fucking stinks.
674
00:52:11,960 --> 00:52:14,640
Maybe that's how it knows
where we are.
675
00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:16,080
The Fear Mor.
676
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:18,400
The same way sharks can sense
blood from miles away,
677
00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:19,920
maybe whatever's doing this...
678
00:52:19,920 --> 00:52:22,520
No, you don't need
superpowers to smell that.
679
00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:24,600
Let's just ditch him.
680
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:27,840
You ditch Wendy, you ditch me too.
681
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:29,920
It's not as if it's his head.
Guys...
682
00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:32,440
Guys?
683
00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:35,160
Guys.
684
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:39,120
That's a freshwater tributary.
685
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:42,360
Oh, sweet Aled Jones, man,
what are you on about?
686
00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:46,840
Do you know what? It doesn't matter.
687
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:52,200
I'm just a teacher,
on 21K, who drives a Ford Focus
688
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:54,480
and listens to Radio 2.
689
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:56,880
You guys are the best
and the brightest, aren't you?
690
00:52:56,880 --> 00:52:58,480
Things work out for guys like you
691
00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:01,520
so I'm just going to follow this
tributary here, which I think
692
00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:04,480
is freshwater, which hopefully means
it'll lead to a loch.
693
00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:06,000
I'd suggest you follow,
694
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:09,440
but I've been told to keep
my helpful suggestions to myself.
695
00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:14,880
Best man says let him go.
696
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:17,640
I'm not comfortable taking orders
from a guy who only
697
00:53:17,640 --> 00:53:20,320
earns 21,000 a month. A year.
698
00:53:20,320 --> 00:53:21,880
Fuck me!
699
00:53:43,640 --> 00:53:45,600
BIRDS CRY
700
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:13,120
NEILS LAUGHS
701
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,320
ROAR!
702
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:18,160
The boat, the boat!
703
00:54:20,760 --> 00:54:22,320
Go, go, go, go, go!
704
00:54:22,320 --> 00:54:24,680
ROAR!
705
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:26,200
Hang on!
706
00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:32,440
Guys!
707
00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:37,200
THEY YELL
708
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:38,760
Go, go, go!
709
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:45,280
Come on!
710
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:46,480
Wait!
711
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:48,520
Come on, Neils! Wait!
712
00:54:48,520 --> 00:54:50,120
Neils, come on!
713
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:51,280
Wait!
714
00:54:59,440 --> 00:55:01,200
Where are you going?! Neils!
715
00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:03,280
I'm going to make it! Come on!
716
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:07,040
I'm going to successfully leap
onto that fucking boat!
717
00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:08,720
Come on!
718
00:55:08,720 --> 00:55:11,000
LASSO WHOOSHES
Argh!
719
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:22,560
WHISTLE BLOWS
720
00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:24,720
WHISTLE FADES
721
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:41,920
MEXICAN: He had two kids, as well.
722
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:45,640
Wendy had three.
723
00:55:46,720 --> 00:55:48,360
As if that makes it any worse.
724
00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:53,400
I'm serious.
725
00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:54,840
Why do people always say that?
726
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:57,800
Because it's sad
when children lose their parents.
727
00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:02,360
Who's going to tell Wendy's wife?
728
00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:05,960
That is not a text
I would like to write.
729
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:13,800
Look.
730
00:56:41,280 --> 00:56:42,520
Hello?
731
00:56:47,720 --> 00:56:48,840
Hello?
732
00:56:58,040 --> 00:56:59,480
I'm going to find a phone.
733
00:57:14,920 --> 00:57:16,240
Cos...?
734
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:17,320
Yup.
735
00:57:18,440 --> 00:57:20,520
Find a phone, mate?
736
00:57:20,520 --> 00:57:21,640
Yup.
737
00:57:33,040 --> 00:57:34,360
Aitken.
738
00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:36,800
The line's down.
739
00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:04,960
I'm going to enjoy this.
740
00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:04,160
What will happen now?
49082
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